Date: Sun, 12 Oct 2003 10:20:44 -0700
From: Derek Weiser <mercutio3000@comcast.net>
Subject: Blind Faith

I met Rafe in college.  He was my first roommate.  It was my first time
away from home and I was green.  I was so naive.  He was a year older than
me and we took some time to warm up to each other.  I just wasn't used to
sharing a room or my life with anyone other than my family and I had had to
get to know them over the course of 18 years.  But, after the initial
wariness wore off, he made the effort to pull me out of my shell.  His
father was from Ireland and his mother was from Guadalajara; so he got the
best from both cultures.  He had creamy, bronzed skin and black, black hair
that was more straight than curly with his dad's bright blue eyes.  He was
tall, about six-two, but it didn't touch my six-five.  He smiled a lot and
was almost always laughing and joking.  It helped.

As is often the case when you spend almost every waking moment with
someone, cramped into a room twelve by nine, you either hate each other to
pieces or become best of friends.  Well, we became friends.  I lived about
ten hours away from school, but Rafe's family lived only two hours away.
We talked about all things, growing closer and closer as the days passed.
By Christmas that first year, we could complete each other's sentences.
When I lost my virginity to a sweet co-ed named Carrie in February, I
shared all the details with Rafe.  He just smiled at me and laughed as I
told him how nervous I had been and how I thought it was wonderful, but it
was over a little too soon (her words, not mine).

In March, just before Spring Break, I got a call from my dad's best friend.
My parents had been killed in a car accident.  I know I breathed because I
am alive, but the events of the following few hours are gone.  Rafe found
me about an hour or so after the phone call, sitting on the floor in a pile
by the phone.  He had had to shove me back because I was blocking the door.
When he looked at me, directly in my eyes, the numbness faded and the pain
came flooding out.  All I remember is crying and being held.  I remember
other people in the dorms coming to the open door and watching the tragedy,
rubbernecking someone else's pain.  Rafe called all of my professors and
all the other myriad people then drove me home.  We stayed in the house
that my parents had lived in.  It was so shocking to see.  There was folded
laundry waiting to go in drawers and their bed was unmade and one of my
mom's shoes was just sitting, waiting for her to come home.  But they
didn't.  Rafe stayed with me through the funeral and the will reading.  We
got back to school after spring break and took make up finals.

For the next six weeks or so, I was doing anything to dull the pain.  I
slept with girl after girl, three of them in one night.  I drank and smoked
grass, even thought of trying other stuff, harder stuff, anything to make
the ache go away.  When I had slept through another day's worth of classes,
Rafe poured a bucket of cold water on me in bed, waking me, sobering me.
He then let me have it for all he was worth.  Shame was riding me hard,
guilt followed a close second and pain was the constant background.  Rafe's
words shocked me.  He had never been angry before.  He had never raised his
voice and had never yelled at me.  I was in shock, unable to even defend
myself.  He must have screamed at me for a good half hour.  When he finally
ran down his head of steam, he noticed that I had paled and was crying.
But, he did make me realize how destructive my life had become.  He helped
me get cleaned up and talk to my teachers and workout a make-up plan.  Over
the next few weeks, I went through some serious shakes.  I wasn't addicted
to anything, but I also had to face the world without a girl or a drink or
a hit.  I was just grateful that I had somehow remembered condoms when I
had slept with all those women.

That summer, I went to my home and packed up and sorted through my folk's
things.  Rafe joined me for the summer.  My parents owned a consulting firm
and had left their majority in the business to me.  I had my dad's best
friend take over until I was done with school.  I didn't want grief to
cause me to make mistakes.  I still had to vote on important matters, but I
was given time to mourn and grow a little more.  That fall, Rafe and I
moved into an apartment off campus and roomed together through the
remainder of school.

I dated from time to time, but I was in no way as promiscuous as I had
been.  I only slept with one other woman in college and it was a few months
of dating before that happened.  Rafe didn't date though.  I asked a couple
of times and he kept evading.  One day I cornered him and asked why.  He
was scared and angry and told me he was gay.  I just looked at him and then
told him he was an idiot for worrying about telling me.  I hadn't noticed
how tense Rafe had become around me until he relaxed after telling me.  I
felt really bad that he was so scared.  There is so much evil in the world
and some people find the stupidest things to be uptight about.  Rafe was
studying for his master's degree and was going to be in school a little
longer than I was.  During our last year living together, just before I
went home to take over the family business, Rafe cornered me.

"John, I know you wanted me to go home with you for the summer, but I
can't."

I was hurt and confused; we had been planning on him staying with me until
he got a job with the city's library system.  "Why?"

"John, please..."

"Why?  We planned this.  I was looking forward to it.  Weren't you?"

"Yes, but John..."

"Why, damn it!"

"Because I've fallen in love with you!"

I was surprised.  No, shocked was a better word.  I was unprepared for what
he said.  I tried to say something, but all I did was stammer.

"It's okay John, I need to be away from you or I'll never got over it.  I
will eventually, but not if we are living in the same house."  The light
seemed to have faded from his eyes a little.  He laughed, but without
humor.  "This has always been my biggest fear.  Falling in love and not
having that love returned."

I was so lost.  I didn't know what to say or what to do.  I felt so bad.
But, after graduation, I returned home and Rafe stayed in our old apartment
until he found a job.  I called from time to time.  I really missed my best
friend.  After about two months when I called, Rafe begged me to stop
calling.  He was crying on the phone.  "I can't do this John.  I miss you
too.  But I ache every time I hear your voice.  I love you so much.  Please
stop calling.  You're killing me."

So I stopped calling.  I maintained my friendship with his family and they
kept me up to date on how Rafe, Rafael to his mother, was doing.  But I
didn't talk to him on the phone.  I didn't see him, even when business took
me to his town.  I stayed away.  I felt guilty and sad because I couldn't
return his feelings.  I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him.

Almost three years had passed when he came to my door one day.  He looked
tired and pale.  I had him come in.  I wanted to hug him, but I didn't.  He
sat down and asked how I was.  Then he asked me for a favor.

"Can I stay here with you for a few weeks?"

"Of course.  You're always welcome."

"Listen to me first."

He told me why.  I was horrified and scared.  He told me that he had been
having headaches the last few months.  They got so bad that they did a CT
scan on him.  They found a tumor.  He had gone through radiation to try and
shrink it.  He was going in for surgery in three weeks and his family was
driving him crazy.  He would survive the surgery, but he might not be able
to see afterwards.  He also might have the same recovery time and
procedures as a stroke victim.  When he finished telling me, I couldn't
help it, I pulled him into my arms.  I hugged him so hard and started
crying.  My best friend was sick and possibly dying.  I lost it.

He rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head.  He got me to stop crying.
I showed him a guest room because he was tired.  I called into the office
and took the next month off.  I was going to spend as much time with my
friend as possible.  That night, I heard Rafe screaming.  I ran into his
room.  He was sitting up and holding his head.  He had had a nightmare and
he hadn't taken his pain medication.  I got it for him and rubbed his neck
until it took affect.  He leaned away from me.  I know he wanted to kiss
me.  He never asked for one single thing the entire time we were friends.
He gave and gave and never once asked.  I leaned my head forward and kissed
him lightly, just a brushing of lips.

Generosity made me kiss him at first, but it wasn't what kept me kissing
him.  The moment my lips met his, I started getting hard.  I felt a tingle
up and down my spine.  I deepened the kiss.  I thrust my tongue against his
lips, nipping at the bottom one until he opened his mouth.  This kiss was
special.  I was kissing a man and liking it.  But more than that, I was
kissing my best friend.  Rafe moaned against me when my tongue brushed
against his.  I kept kissing him.  When we were both a little breathless I
pulled back to look at him.  He was smiling.  Then he got serious and
apologized.

"Do you want this to stop Rafe?"

"No."

I pulled my shirt off and Rafe reached out with his fingers, brushing them
through the thick hair covering my chest and belly.  I shuddered at his
touch.  I reached out my hand and sifted through the soft hair on his
chest.  His was very sparse, and it tickled because it was so fine.  I
kicked off my shoes and stood to remove my pants and underwear.  When I was
naked, I lifted the sheets and crawled in with him.  He was naked too.  I
pulled him to me and started kissing him again.  He molded his body to
mine.  I felt him hard and insistent on my belly.  I had thought I would be
repulsed by it.  Instead, I was fascinated.  I knew that if I touched him,
I could make him feel good by doing what felt good on me.  That was so
empowering.

I rolled him to his back and covered his body with mine.  My erection was
wedged between his legs.  The head brushed against his pucker.  Each light
touch made me shudder.  I wanted this; I wanted to be with Rafe.  I looked
down at him and smiled.

"Rafael, I have never done this before.  What do I do?"

"I've never done this either."

I was shocked.  I looked at him and asked him why.  I knew from his family
that he dated from time to time.

"They weren't you."

"But-"

"I want you now.  It doesn't matter why there have been no others.  It just
matters that you are with me and I with you.  Please?"

He looked both sure and doubtful.  He also looked very aroused.  Fire
burned inside me.  I knew I needed to be with him.  I pushed against him
instinctively.  He arched his back, but I didn't move at all.  That stopped
me.  I knew we were going to need to slow down.  He wasn't ready.  He
wanted, but his body needed prepping.  His body didn't self-lubricate like
a woman's.  I really had no idea what to do.

"Rafael.  We need something to help us along, but I don't know what."

He suggested some Vaseline.  I got up and got it and came back to him.  But
the medication had kicked in and he was asleep.  I was so hard still, my
erection practically touched my belly button, definitely grazed the edge of
the hairiness on my belly.  But he was asleep and would need all the sleep
he could get.  I willed my erection to go away, but it didn't.  Instead I
crawled into bed with Rafe and held him.  I molded my body to his back and
my cock rested in the cleft of his ass.  It wasn't what we started out
looking for, but it would be enough for tonight, for now.  I still ached,
but just touching his body calmed me.  I felt contentment, for probably the
first time in my life.  I slowly drifted to sleep, holding the body of my
best friend and deep in my heart, I had a feeling he was so much more.

I awoke a few hours later, feeling Rafe stroke my arm lightly.  He was
awake and from my vantage point, smiling.  I kissed the top of his head and
moved him so he lay back on the bed.  I kissed him deeply, molding our lips
together, melding our tastes.  One hand stroked his body from the hollow of
his hip to the tender skin of his throat.  My other arm was still under his
neck, supporting him, cradling him.  I felt him hard and leaking against my
hip, my erection nestled into the soft curls on his belly.  We continued to
kiss and taste each other.  I was lying against his chest, my hips cradled
between his.  I looked in his eyes and he nodded at me.  I reached over to
the table where I had set the Vaseline.  I opened it and smeared some on my
fingers before moving down to him.  I swirled the greasy jelly around his
hole, smearing it around him, stroking the nerves there, and willing him to
open to me.  He did.  I spread the jelly inside him, stroking one, then
two, then three fingers into him, parting him, twisting and testing,
wanting him to be comfortable.  Rafe arched his back under me and moaned
loud.  I removed my hand and moved my cock into position.  I pushed
forward, easing just inside, so his ring grabbed just under the flare of my
cock head.  I stayed, noticing the wince and grimace across his features.
I kissed him, needing to feel him, being connected to him.  His
stranglehold on my cock eased, I pushed forward.  I kept kissing him,
moving into him with ever deepening strokes.  Then I was in him completely.
I had to grit my teeth to keep from losing it.  The sensation of having him
adjust to me, easing around my girth, accepting the breadth and length of
me made me so hot, I almost came.  Then he smiled at me.  His dimples
showed and the look of love and joy on his face had my chest squeeze with
emotion.  I wasn't fucking him.  I was making love to him.  Then I began to
move.  I felt my entire body slide against his.  My belly moved over his, I
felt his nipples grind into my chest.  I felt his cock, hard and steely,
grind into my belly button.  His body rocked with mine, meeting me, pushing
me.  The hairiness of his body, that infinitely soft down, was a tactile
feast to my sensitive skin.  I was on fire, every square inch of my body
primed and feeling every little sensation.  This was more than I had ever
known.  This was better than all sexual experiences from my first to last
combined.

I watched every nuance of pleasure cross Rafe's face.  His eyes sparkled
and his skin flushed and sweat beaded his brow.  His back arched over and
over, thrusting his body into my heaving, sweaty torso.  His cries were
music to my ears, knowing I was bringing him pleasure, bringing him
something he had wanted for so long, but didn't have until now.  I felt so
guilty for denying him this, for not understanding until now.  I mourned
the time we wasted.  I kept moving, feeling our bodies slide together,
feeling myself swell inside, hoping to keep from tripping, wanting Rafe to
join me.  And he did.  I was thrusting away when he arched his back and
cried out.  My belly was coated with his release.  Watching ecstasy spread
across his beautiful features had me cry out in orgasm as well.  I
continued to thrust slowly after it was over, feeling my cock deflate than
go limp as I slid out of him, cupping his body to me, not wanting him away
from me for a single moment.  We dozed.

I got up a few hours later and made food for us.  He still slept and until
that day, I didn't realize how exhausted he was, how debilitating his
illness was.  But I spent my time with him when he was awake.  I fed him in
bed, sitting in front of him naked and hard, making him eat, teasing him by
not letting him touch me.  When he was done eating, he surprised me by
tackling me and taking what he wanted.  He took me in his mouth and made
love to me with his lips and tongue.  I was powerless to stop him.  All I
did was let him move, teasing and tasting me.  He bobbed his head and
swirled around me with his powerful tongue.  I found my body pulling in on
itself, curling and tensing, its only recourse from the amazing sensations
surging through me.  His fingers pulled on my sac, pushing the hard ridge
below my balls, moving down further and further, brushing against my
center.  The moment he pushed into me with his finger, my back arched off
the bed and I cried out.  I didn't know this was possible, no one ever
played with my ass before.  If I had only known, I would have done this
sooner.  He moved deeper inside me, brushing something deep, and I cried
out, clenching and spurting down his throat.  No woman ever allowed me to
cum in her mouth before.  He swallowed all I had to give, moving on me
still.  He kept going, as if he couldn't get enough.  He was treating me
like a pacifier.  I was too sensitive, but I stayed still, wondering where
this was going.  I was still hard; I couldn't lose my erection with his
mouth still on me.  I was over-sensitive, it was too much, and I wanted him
to stop.  I pulled at his shoulders, but he ignored me, brushed them off.
He kept moving, going faster, brushing a second, then third finger inside
me.  It had been less than two minutes since I came, but I was ready again.
The sensitivity had lessened and he kept moving, pushing at my prostate,
stroking my body to respond.  And I did.  I exploded, raising my body off
the bed and grasping Rafe's head.  I pulled him off me and dragged his lips
to mine.  I started kissing him, tasting myself on his lips, feeling my
cock twitch and sputter out the last few drops of my release against the
two of us.

I pulled away from the kiss, shaking and trembling.  I was so overwhelmed,
both physically and emotionally.  Rafe took one look in my eyes and hugged
me, pulling me down on the bed and cuddling against me, stroking my body
lightly until the tremors lessened, then stopped.  I started to cry;
realizing that the love I felt for my friend had blown up into so much
more.  Rafe looked up into my eyes and smiled, then reached up and wiped
the tears away.  I pushed him onto his back.  I moved down his body,
kissing and nipping against him as I moved down: in for a penny, in for a
pound.  I took him into my mouth, letting him rest against my tongue.  I
learned what it was to have my lover, my love, in my mouth.  I tasted him,
felt his texture and taste against my tongue, the roof of my mouth.  I
moved my tongue against him, moving it in a long, sensuous lick against his
length.  I felt him rumble with pleasure.  I moved more, faster and
stronger, up and down his steely shaft.  I was lost in his taste, in his
moans and the feel of his fingers sifting through the hair at my temples.
I kept moving, letting the rest of the world disappear.  Then I felt him
let go, and his spasms pushed and twitched against my tongue.  I kept
moving on him, accepting him, feeling him melt against my tongue.  And when
he was soft and I had cleaned him up, I let him slip from my mouth and I
looked up, not sure what should happen next.  I felt a little lost.  I had
taken a big step, and now didn't know what was what.

Rafe pulled me into his arms and held me, stroked my back and crooned
simple words to me until reality began to return.  I looked into his eyes,
searching for answers.  He cupped my face and kissed me.  He tasted me
slowly, moving over me with light strokes of his tongue against mine.  He
pulled away and held my head gently in his hands.

"I love you, John."

It was so simple.  Those words were so much.  I felt so much.  They were
easy to return.  "I love you too, Rafael."

"What happens now?"

"What do you want to happen?"

"I want tonight, and tomorrow.  I want next week and the week after.  I
want forever."

"Do you trust me?"

"Always."

"Then you will have tonight and tomorrow.  You will have next week and the
week after.  You will have forever.  I want it too."

We spent the night in bed, never getting up except for food and the
occasional shower to cool our heated flesh.  I gave him his medication and
when necessary, I held him while he slept.  It was an ideal time we shared
together.  As the day of his surgery came closer, we stopped talking so
much.  Each time we came together was almost desperate.  The chances of him
losing his life were slim.  But so many other complications could occur.
He could lose a good portion of his memory, never to have it return.  He
could lose his sight.  The great unknown we pushed aside to enjoy as much
time as we could.

I went with him to the hospital, sat with him and his family after he was
checked in.  I stayed with him that night, holding him on the hospital bed,
waiting for the dawn and the coming surgery.  Did you know that twelve
hours is subjective?  The first twelve hours I spent in bed with Rafe
passed by in mere seconds.  The twelve hours of his surgery was longer than
my first year at college.  I watched a clock tick.  Each second took the
same length of time to tick off, but actually watching the clock made it
seem to take longer.  The scheduled time for the surgery was only eight
hours.  Each minute longer, made my chest tighten.  I couldn't swallow
because my mouth was dry.  I couldn't cry because I hadn't blinked in too
long and my eyes were dry.  At just over twelve hours, the doctor came out.
He told us that the surgery was a success.  They got the entire tumor.
But, the surgery forced them to sever the optic nerve to his right eye.  He
was going to be 50% blind no matter how much he recovered.  There was also
post-surgical swelling and he wasn't coherent of any events of the past
five years.  Which means he thought he was still in the closet.  He didn't
know I knew how he felt.  He didn't know that I had fallen in love with
him.  In his mind, he was still this scared guy, too afraid to tell his
best friend he was gay and in love with him.  The tears did come then.

As Rafael's mother went in to see him, his father stayed with me.  He
hugged me and rocked me.  He had always been like this with me.  From the
moment my parents died, Rafe's parents took me under their wing.  And since
the day we told them that we were together, just a few days ago, I became
one of their heart's concerns.  My hurt was theirs.

Since Rafe was in intensive care, they have a policy of family only for
visitors.  So it took several hours before I could go in to see him.  He
was asleep when I finally did.  I just sat by his side and held his hand.
When I was forced from the room, I sat nearby, waiting until I could go
back.  And I did.  Day after day, hour after hour while he slowly recovered
from the ordeals of surgery.  His body slowly healed.  But his mind still
needed time to recover.  He was able to recall just a bit more time each
day.  But he didn't remember us being together.  The doctors didn't want us
to remind him, adding memories, hoping that they would return on their own
without prompting.  It was hell.  I wanted to hold him.  I wanted to kiss
him.  But he wasn't ready.  In his mind, I was still rebuffing him.  In his
mind, he hadn't even told me that he loved me yet.

Rafe needed therapy.  He needed to learn how to live without depth
perception.  He only had one working eye and his vision had become bad.
Light and dark, shadows and blurs were just about all he saw.  He's a
librarian.  He loves books more than anything, and he might never recover
enough sight to ever read them again.  But it was taken out of my hands.
His doctors decided he needed to go to a rehab center.  Because of the
enabling tendencies of loved ones, no visitors would be allowed for the
first two weeks and then for only one hour a day for the following month.
Those two weeks were hell.  I went back to work, but I just played at it.
I wasn't doing any good there, but I needed to have something to kill my
time.

My first visit, nineteen days after I had last seen him, Rafe remembered
that he had told me he loved me.  I wanted so badly to tell him how much
things had changed, but they asked me not to.  It was killing me.  I just
wanted to hold him and kiss him, just a simple brush of lips.  But I
didn't.  I stayed in the chair by his side and talked.  I told him that I
was still his friend, no matter what.  I also told him that it didn't
matter how he felt about me, I was never going to turn away from him.  I
left after my allotted hour, feeling lost and hurting.  It was six more
days before I got to go back.

It was on my third visit that Rafe remembered telling me he couldn't be
near me anymore because of how bad it hurt.  He asked me to go and not come
back.  I got so frustrated and hurt that I lashed out and told him that
things were different.  I told him that I loved him.

"You can't love me John.  You're straight."

"I may have been.  But all that has changed.  I love you, damn it!"

He got real sad and he looked like he was going to cry.  "Don't do this
John.  Don't lie to me because I'm sick.  I love you too much and I want
for it to be true too much.  Don't hurt me like this."

I actually felt the tears sting my eyes.  I realized now how much my
inability to say just a few words to him three years ago had hurt him.
"But I do love you, Rafael.  I do.  So very much."

I watched as the first tear rolled down his cheek.  Followed by a second,
then a third.  I watched his throat bob as he swallowed the emotion.  "Stop
it John!  Don't do this to me.  I'm confused enough as it is."

That made me angry.  I was so frustrated.  All I have wanted to do for the
past three months is hold him.  I walked right up to him, grabbed his chin
a bit too roughly, and kissed him.  Almost immediately, my anger cooled and
my mouth moved over his gently.  My lips coaxed his and my tongue traced
the seam of his mouth.  I heard the sob he let out and then he met me,
embroiled in kissing me just as hard and needy as I was.  He was sitting on
his bed and I knelt down between his legs so we were more evenly matched,
so we could kiss better, longer.  I had been starving for his touch, ever
needful of his love.  When we broke apart, I wrapped my arms around his
back and rested my head against his chest, my ear pressed to his wildly
beating heart.  His hands trembled as he stroked my hair and rubbed my
shoulder.

"I've missed you so much Rafael.  I want you to remember the time we spent
together.  But if you never do, remember always that I love you.  Please?"

"When did this happen?"

"Not until a few weeks before your surgery.  For that and that alone I am
sorry.  If only I had known..."

I looked up at him.  The look of wonder on his face was endearing.  I
brushed my lips against his again, gently, lovingly.  "I want to make love
with you, Rafe."

"John, I uh...  What I mean is...  I've never been...  uh..."

"Are you trying to tell me you're a virgin?"

"Yes."

"No you're not.  Not anymore."

"Oh.  Well then I wish I remembered it."

"We can make new memories, Rafael.  Or we can wait and see if the old ones
return.  I wouldn't mind recreating our first time."

"Is it a good memory?"

"Oh, yes.  It was one of my best memories."

"So I was good?"

"Are you doubting your appeal?"  I couldn't help tease him.

"No, I just, wanted it to be special.  It's not new for you."

"Oh, Rafe..." And I was kissing him.  I pulled him to me and touched his
face and kissed his throat, biting and nibbling at the tender flesh.  He
arched his neck and moaned, low and deep.  I felt it vibrate through me
from where we touched.  I was so hard.  I just wanted to make love to him
again.  Then his words registered.  He didn't want it to be new for just
him.  The idea shocked me.  But I couldn't disagree with him.  There were a
few boundaries we hadn't crossed.  My virginity was still a fact.  He had
never been inside me.  In this way it could be both of our first times.

I stood and went to the bathroom, hoping to find a little aid.  When I got
back to the room, Rafe was still sitting on the bed, trying to figure out
what I was doing.  His vision wasn't fully restored yet.  He had a pair of
glasses that corrected many problems, but he was still unsure of some
details.  I have never found him more attractive, he was truly beautiful.
He looked at me so lovingly, with complete trust in his eyes.  I was so
hard I thought I might cum before I even got started.  The bed was a
double, not that big, but big enough for what we would need.  Plus it would
give us incentive to snuggle afterwards.  I went and locked the door then
sat by Rafe on the bed.  I placed my Vaseline on the side table and took
his hands.  Then I ran my fingers up his arm until I reached the buttons of
his shirt.  I undid the first one and then kissed what had been revealed.
I continued undoing the buttons, one after the other, kissing a trail down
his body as each left its clasp.  I could feel him tremble beneath my
fingers and lips.  I pulled his shirt off his arms and out of his
waistband.  His nipples were puckered and hard.  I kissed each before
latching on to one with my mouth, laving it with my tongue before sucking
hard at it.  Rafe moaned and grabbed my head with his hands.  I could feel
him hard against my arm where it lay in his lap.  I pulled back and undid
his belt and removed it and his pants, leaving him in tented, white briefs.
I stood with him as I pulled the bedding down and pushed him back down.
Then I shucked my own clothes, stripping down hurriedly to my underwear.
Then I was by his side, pulling his body to me.

I reveled in the wonderful sensation of his warm, smooth skin against mine.
I felt each and every hair on his body caress me with its, shiny, feathery
feel.  Then I pulled back and lay by his side.  I almost took over and this
was meant to be his show.

"You're in charge Rafael."  I hardly recognized my voice.  It had grown
deep and gravelly from arousal.

"What do you mean?"  His own voice was gruff and he was breathing heavy.

"This is the first time for you to remember.  It's mine as well.  Make love
to me."

"Why is it your first time, too?"

"This will be the first time you will make love to me.  Before, well, I was
a little selfish and was always doing the making.  I'm sorry."

He actually grinned and I was reminded again of the Rafael I knew in
college.  Not the hurt man I spurned and not the scared friend I fell in
love with.  He had turned twenty-six a few months ago.  I was twenty-five.
We had years together and I promised myself right then and there that he
would always remain that happy, sweet, wonderful man I first met in
college.  No more pain, at least none caused by me.  I pulled him down and
kissed him.  I ran my hands over his body, feeling him stroke and feel mine
in return.  I felt him graze my nipples with his fingers and arched my back
at the sensation.  Then he tasted them.  Each one got a perusal with both
fingers and mouth.  Then he was nipping my belly and stroking my legs.
When he reached the waistband of my briefs, he grabbed it with his teeth
and pulled them down me.  I lost my briefs and I felt Rafe nuzzle my
scrotum with his lips and nose.  Then he moved down below and started to
nibble on the hard ridge leading to my ass.  Then he licked me.  I almost
shot off the bed.  He kept moving lower and lower, nipping my with his lips
and teeth, licking at me with his warm, wet tongue.  He used his hands to
lift my thighs, to get a better angle.  Then he was doing incredible things
to my hole with his tongue.  He lapped at me in strong, wet strokes,
sucking and nibbling at the ring.  I felt myself open to his ministrations.
And then he was licking inside me.  The pleasure was something I had never
known before.  I was so on edge, but I couldn't trip.  He had my hands
locked in his, holding my legs up and out.  I couldn't reach my cock and I
wanted so badly to give myself the couple of strokes needed to trip over
the edge.  But I didn't.  He kept at me, licking and nibbling, pausing from
time to time to pull back and huff warm air against me.  I felt my hole
gaping, begging, opening and contracting, begging for more.  I felt Rafe
reach for the Vaseline and felt him smear some of the greasy jelly around
me.  Then his finger slipped inside.  He moved it against the top of my
channel.  I felt the pressure of his finger against my ring.  Then he
brushed something deep inside and I whimpered.  He did it again.  Then he
did it again.  I felt my eyes roll up into the back of my head.  I was so
turned on, I felt like I was going to cum any second.  I pulled off his
finger.

At Rafe's questioning look I told him I was too close.  He grinned at me
and I watched as he peeled off his briefs.  He was big.  I felt a moment of
panic: that is going inside me?  Then I looked down at my own cock.  It was
just as thick and even a bit longer and he had taken all of me.  I pushed
my worries aside as I reached out and dipped my fingers in the open jar.  I
reached for Rafe and stroked him, smearing the jelly up and down his
length.  He moaned and grabbed my wrist, stopping me from pushing him too
far.  Then he moved so he lay on top of me, with my hips bracing his body.
He lowered his chest onto mine and I felt his cock rest against me.  He
kissed me deeply as he pushed forward.  I willed myself to take him.  And I
did.  I opened and he slid deeply inside me.  I felt full.  I felt
overfilled.  Then he slipped further and brushed against something that
made me tremble with sensations.  My prostate I believe.  I was on edge
already.  He gave me a couple of quick, hard thrusts to seat him.  But it
was one thrust too many and I exploded.  I felt the orgasm build deeply
inside and erupt between us.  I cried out and felt myself clamp Rafe's
shaft.  He quieted above me, watching me in wonder.

"Was that supposed to happen?"

"I don't know.  First time, remember?"

"Oh yeah."  And he grinned.  Then he pushed forward some more.  He hit that
spot again.  I was still twitching from my release, still feeling
aftershocks, quaking in sated bliss.  But he moved out and then slid back.
The jelly did its trick and helped me take him.  He rocked into me, harder
and faster.  His breath was rapid and started to hitch.  He made a low,
growling keening sound in his throat.  I felt him thicken and his movements
became jerky, less controlled.  Then he stopped and gasped as I felt him
twitch hard inside me.  I felt each spasm rack his thick shaft as he spewed
his essence deep inside me.  He moaned nice and deep with each wave of
pleasure.  When the last spurt left him, when he was drained, he collapsed
against me.  I felt his body start to relax.  His arms hung loosely on
either side of me.  His neck lacked any strength and his head rested on my
shoulder.  His legs lay loosely in the cradle of my own.  He was totally
relaxed in all areas but one.  He was still at full staff inside me.  It
wasn't going down.  Neither was I.  I understood.  I was so hard after my
first time with him.  But Rafe was asleep.  His body was fully cradled by
mine and I held him tight.

He woke a few minutes later, looking sated and sleepy.  I kissed his
forehead, then his nose.  He grinned at me and I felt him twitch inside me.
He looked in my eyes and thrust into me, rocking into me.  I was still so
hard, wedged between our bellies.  He moved harder and faster and I was
building again.  I didn't know how good this could feel.  I didn't realize
that there was anything sexual other than a cock.  Now I knew so much more.
There was ass and balls, nipples and mouth.  We were going for broke.  I
felt him thicken again.  I knew he was going to cum.  I was close; I could
feel the buildup to orgasm.  He pushed hard against my belly, forcing more
sensation into my cock.  With three more heavy thrusts, I came again,
feeling each spasm milk his body.  I clenched his body with my own and felt
him release deep inside me.  When we came down from the high, I looked at
the clock and almost laughed.  Between the two rounds and the short nap,
only twenty minutes had passed since we had started.  I can't complain; we
had both cum twice.  Maybe in the future we would be able to draw it out
longer, but I don't really see the need.  It was enough.  It was more than
enough.  It was perfect.

We cleaned up a bit and lay in the bed talking and touching.  After a
while, I spooned up behind him, holding him in my arms, grateful that we
had found each other again.  He had been lost to me, but he was back in my
arms.  He wasn't leaving them again.  The next morning, Rafe's doctors
weren't overly pleased with me.  But that same day he remembered more than
he had previously.  He remembered his job in the library.  He remembered
being diagnosed and the treatments.  He recovered almost three years of
memories overnight.  Upon hearing that, the doctor allowed me to stay more
often with Rafe.  I got two hours a day instead of just one.  It was okay.
I wanted more, but now that we had reached a new understanding, I could
wait for Rafe to recover.

Two weeks later, he remembered our first time.  He told me he didn't think
I was selfish at all.  That night we celebrated with a reenactment.  But
this time I put the knowledge I had gained from Rafe to use.  We were both
able to pleasure each other so well.  Each time was better and better as we
learned new things.  Each touch and caress was special.  I don't think sex
would ever pale with us.  Because emotions were tied into the act, it
became so much more than mere sex for both of us.

His vision is still not what it was.  He needs to wear glasses to see
clearly, but he can see.  He has a problem with depth perception and can no
longer drive a car.  But he still works in the library, reading books and
helping others find the wonders of the written word.  But I like how he
looks with glasses.  Every once in a while, he will seem to lose a day or
two out of his memory, but it doesn't last long.  We were told it was just
part of the recovery process.

Six months after the surgery, we got married.  Not that it is legal, but we
had a simple ceremony with family and a few friends.  I never would have
thought that this is what I wanted.  But I do.  We honeymooned in Mexico.
We found this really secluded beach up the Baja coast and found out how
much fun making love in the sand can be.  It has been almost thirteen years
since that day he showed up at my door, asking for his simple favor.  I
still feel the scar every time I run my fingers through his hair and I am
reminded of how precious each day is.  And because I am so happy, I am more
appreciative of the rare beauty that has inhabited my soul because somehow,
my best friend decided to love me.