I passed the day with grandma. We went out in the coach somewhere (I don't exactly remember where). I think we visited someone. Possibly, it was a birthday party or something like that.
The only thing I clearly remember of that day were Edoardo's glances, which were luminous and warm. This provoked in me at once, pleasure and embarrassment. Therefore I made concerted efforts to avoid them, but at the same time I felt the very strong impulse to look at him.
After supper, while we were playing chess, at a moment when grandma was elsewhere, I said him: "Tonight we will not sleep in our rooms."
"No? Where are we going?"
"A secret. When you go upstairs prepare a blanket and wear your tracksuit."
He looked at with curiosity, and was about to ask me something but at that moment grandma returned, so we continued with our game.
We 'retired' to our rooms around eleven. I changed into my tracksuit, took a blanket and the torch and met Edoardo as he was coming out of his room. He also had a blanket and torch, which was on full beam in the hallway. I told him to switch it of and beckoned for him to follow me. We climbed the stone winding staircase to the top of the tower.
"Here we are. Ever slept under the stars?"
"No; never. Are we going to sleep here?"
"Yes. The sky is clear and the night air is not cold. Let's spread the covers one on top the other, we will be more comfortable and we won't feel the coldness of the flagstones under us."
Edoardo raised his eyes and exclaimed in a murmur: "It's wonderful! How many stars! Here one cannot feel lonely, there is the entire universe looking at you... And the moon... waning?"
"No, it's almost at its first quarter. With a bit of luck, we will also see some shooting stars, even if Saint Laurent's night is a few days later."
We lay on the blankets on our backs and peered towards the heavens, side by side, admiring the starry vault of the universe in silence. Little by little, I felt his presence near me. That is, I mean, I had a perception of it - I could not see him, I didn't touch him, I could not hear him, but he was there... immanent. I quivered.
I desired him! But it did not seem fair look at him, knowing that to him it would not have been just the occasion of for physical pleasure. I wanted him, but I was hesitant. I felt terribly attracted, but resisted. The silence surrounding us was becoming more and more unbearable. I could feel it full of his love. I thought I did wrong in taking him up there, to stay with him, we two alone. I was tense, very tense!
I heard him move. I turned my head towards him. He stood up, without looking at me, and went to the parapet and leaned over the battlements. I sat up and looked at him. He turned his back and I could barely distinguish his outline and the blob of colour of his green tracksuit.
"What a night of spell is this..." I heard him murmur.
"Can't you sleep?" I asked, grateful to be able to break that silence.
"Are you joking? How can I sleep on a night like this? With a spectacle like this?"
I stood up and took up position behind him. I almost brushed against him, but didn't dare to touch him. I felt very much attracted towards him. I stretched out my arm and placed it over his shoulder, without touching him, and leaned against the battlement's wall. After a while, he turned around and we were facing each other. His eyes shone reflecting the moon, and seemed like two pure diamonds. We remained in that position, looking into each other's eyes.
Then he lightly clasped my waist: "Max, this here is magic. Thank you."
His light embrace was nothing erotic, and yet it had the power to fill me with fire and to make my legs go weak. I told myself I had to part from him, to go back on the blankets or possibly, even better, to go back to my room... instead, pulled him to me tightly and embraced him. I kissed him and made him feel my excitement. He at once responded. My hands slipped under his clothes and caressed his back, then rose to pull off his top. He raised his arms in assistance. I bent forward and placed my lips on his chest and sucked on his nipple and held him tighter against me. I heard him pant with pleasure and emit a light moan. My hands wandered to the elastic band of his suit bottoms and forced them down, slowly. I kissed his chest, then his stomach. I lingered at his navel and tested it with the tip of my tongue. Then I descended further until my tongue and my lips danced in the hairs of his groin. At last! I glided along the length of his erect and throbbing member and seized it at the same time as my hands moved up gripped his thighs and closed in cups on his buttocks, pulling him towards me. His member slipped inside my mouth, to my throat and he spluttered. His hands wandered through my hair and neck, eventually to my shoulders. I sucked him for a while, then stood up.
"Undress me, Edoardo."
"Hmm..." he muttered, and proceeded to undress then embraced and kissed me. Edoardo looked at me with his wide dreaming eyes and asked with an emotion-filled voice: "Take me, Max. Take me, please, and this night will be perfect."
"But... I don't have the cream..."
"I have it, in my pocket. You forgot it near my bed. Here it is. Take me, Max."
"Are you sure you want me to?"
"Sure. Don't you want too?"
"Yes... how do you want me to take you?"
"You are the expert, I don't know... As you like."
"Come here, then. I want to look at your face while I take you. Lie on your back. Good! Now spread your legs and rest them on my shoulders... Good..."
"Now I can look into your eyes and see the stars..." he whispered smiling, happy and excited.
I took the cream onto my finger and abundantly spread it on his little hole, outside and inside.
"God, how tight you are... relax, Edoardo, I don't want to hurt you."
"Don't be afraid. I want you! I want all of you inside me. Take me Massimiliano, take me..."
"Yes, little one, no hurry! Relax..."
My finger continued its intimate massage of his anus, preparing him. He shuddered, and I with him. His eyes looked at me filled with trust, devotion, warmth and desire. I felt lost in his eyes.
"Max, put it inside me, go on... Take me, please."
"Yes my little one, in a while... relax some more..."
I felt him shuddering, panting and palpitating. He desired me and my desire increased with his. I could not restrain myself any longer and took him. I pushed - he opened under me and his mouth opened in a silent yell. I considered that I was hurting him and was about to stop, but his eyes begged me to continue. I sank inside him with all my tenderness and desire. He abandoned himself to me with passion and transport. I never before felt something so beautiful. I was literally enraptured. I plunged into him with a sensation of melting sweetness and perceived that body under me as the most precious and delicate and beautiful thing I never had in all my life. I stared to move back and forth into his tight and warm love channel. He incited me with his smile and contributed with his pelvis my movements, completely relaxed with a blissful expression on his beautiful face wet with the light of the moon. I moved in him and felt to be accepted, welcomed, desired, and I bent to kiss him, grateful and happy. I never felt so... good, and right!
When at last we reached the top of pleasure, I watched his radiant face, his luminous eyes with which he caressed me. I felt I had just experienced one of these moments of upsetting beauty able to touch your heart and soul. My eyes filled with tears. I abandoned myself on top of that body that I made mine, that had welcomed me without reserve, and he embraced me tightly, kissed and cuddled me for a long time, while our limbs were relaxed in the sweetness of our sensual fulfilment. I dozed off in that embrace, drowning in a sea of tenderness. I woke up a little later. I had slipped to Edoardo's side, but we still were embraced. I opened my eyes and met his stare.
I caressed his face and whispered: "Edoardo?"
"Yes?"
"I have something to tell you."
"Yes?"
"I... I love you, Edoardo."
He smiled without looking stupefied, and with extreme gentleness said: "Tell me again tomorrow morning, after the sun rises. When we are again dressed. Now... let's sleep."
"Yes, little one, let's sleep."
The following morning he woke me up. The sun had already risen. I looked over his naked body as pulled on his clothing.
"You are so beautiful, Edoardo."
He didn't answer, but smiled while handing me my tracksuit. I dressed. In silence we folded our blankets, I picked up the torches and he the Vaseline tube, screwing its cap firmly, and we went downstairs to our rooms.
"Ready to go downstairs for breakfast in forty five minutes or so?" he asked.
"Yes. Do you want to bath first or shall I?"
"No Max. You go first."
While I was bathing and dressing for breakfast, my memory reverted back to last night. Yes, it had been a revelation - I loved him. The sun had risen, I was dressed and I felt in love.
Margherita's image was fading away, dull, grey, while that of Edoardo was becoming more and more luminous and warm. Yes, I was in love with him. I felt upset. Loving him, I was clearly aware, meant to abandon everything and change my life. Loving him meant that I had to admit to myself that I am gay. In fact I was in love with a male, absolutely not effeminate, and I felt happy. I loved Edoardo both physically and as a person. And I didn't want to ever lose him. That night I didn't just fuck, it had been different from when I did it with Paolo or Andrea, deeply different, intrinsically different. I loved him!
Was I ready to spend my life with him? Yes. Even if this meant to abandon my diplomatic career? Yes. Even if (and here my heart leaps terribly, full of fear) if I had to tell grandma Liza and, very likely, have her turn against me? This time the answer was filled with concern, almost terror, full of pain but it was a very clear yes! It would be useless to think any more about it - I loved him and that was that!
I left of my room and went to Edoardo's. He was buttoning his trousers. He saw my expression, became still and looked at me.
"Edoardo, hurry up dressing!"
"We have still got fifteen minutes..."
"Finishing dressing, quickly." I repeated.
He complied, looking at me from time to time with an interrogative air. When he was ready, I took him to the terrace amongst the battlements where that miracle happened.
I looked intensely at him and said: "The sun has risen, do you see? We both are dressed as you said... and I love you, Edoardo."
"Are you sure?" he almost shyly asked.
"And are you sure you love me?"
"Certainly. For years I have loved you."
"In my case perhaps just for a few hours. But I love you!"
"What does that mean to you?" he asked, still hesitant.
"That all my life has changed. That last night I passed down the road to Damascus. I met you, I recognized you. And now you come before any other thing in my life. That now I don't want to leave you, ever! From tonight we will always sleep together, because we belong to each other. That, if it was possible, I would ask you to marry me."
"Did you think well to it?"
"Certainly. And I intend to tell grandma!"
"Grandmother? Now?"
"Sure, now! Immediately!"
He embraced me very tightly, kissed me then said: "No, Love. We must not tell your grand mother just yet. Let's wait till the end of our time together here. Let's go back to town. Then we will tell our families. We must find a place to live and get work to maintain ourselves, because it might be we will not be able to count on our families' support. We cannot face all that without a minimum of security. And it will not be easy - my family will raise hell!"
"But I want to live with you, little one!"
"Me too, Love. That's why we have to think thoroughly through the steps we are about to take."
"It will not be easy to love each other and... to pretend nothing happened."
"For a few months, just for a few months, Love."
Well, Eugenio, this was the 'real' start of our relationship. You can probably guess how I felt. All a new, fascinating and unknown world was opening up in front of me - that of love. It was the first time that I was, I felt, really deeply in love. And as you know very well, love changes you radically. It gives you new eyes, a new mind, a new heart. All acquires a different taste, all of life's values are intrinsically changed.
For me and Edoardo, there began a kind of ineffable honeymoon. From that day onwards, we always slept together, either in my room or his, on the tower's top. Sometimes we went to the park for the night. We made love on the grass, amongst the trees, and slept there, serenely and happily. As soon as we were alone, it was all kisses and caresses. We made love. We learned to know each other, to know every smallest detail of each other's thoughts, of our bodies, and we fell more and more in love with each other. Edoardo, not withstanding his gentleness and candour, had an incredible interior force. You know him, you know how he is.
It was also a strange period, because we had to hide our love, not allow it to become 'public'. It was not easy, somewhat like trying to hide a fire. However, I saw happiness emanate from my Edoardo, and I knew I was the spring of that happiness. I was in the seventh heaven!
The days elapsed fast, too fast, and the day came we had to go back to town. Our first separation.
"We can meet often, possibly even every day." he said trying to comfort me.
"But it will not be easy to find the time and the place to make love..." I lamented sadly.
"Listen, love, it's only year to your graduation. It would be a real pity if you could not complete your studies for so little, don't you agree? We have to resist one more year. Meanwhile we'll look for a place to live, and look for work. Then we'll leave our families and live together. We should not make rash decisions, we have to think over everything, very carefully!"
"One year? I can't bear one year of being separated from you! Seeing each other just from time to time and in secret... Edoardo, I love you and I need you!"
"I know, Love, me too, believe me. But right now we must find the strength to get through this year. If we do this properly, we will have plenty of years of happiness. It is worth sacrificing a year, don't you think?"
He persuaded me. So our separation began. Edoardo had enrolled in a Business Administration course as his father wanted, but decided to leave it as soon as we could live together. We met almost every day, sometimes, only for a few minutes or so. Sometimes we were lucky to exchange a kiss and embrace for a while, but it was always too little. After a month of this life we managed, at last, to make love. We went to the public city baths and rented two cabins with a tub. As we had hoped, nobody controlled the corridor, so we sneaked into the same cabin.
Meanwhile I met Margherita and told her that all was over between us. At first she felt really bad and I deeply regretted giving her such disappointing news. We talked for a long while. In the end I decided to confide in her the real reason why I could not continue my relationship with her.
"Margherita, you have absolutely nothing to reproach yourself for. You see, the fact is that... I have discovered who I am... I am gay! Therefore it would be not right to marry you, do you understand?"
"You gay? Are you joking?"
"No, I'm not. Possibly I always knew, but I fought to deny it to myself and I believed, with you, that I had succeeded. After all that, I was just lying to myself... and to you... and I was using you to... to illude myself that I was straight. But the truth is this - I love a boy."
"Did you... did you understand that this summer?"
"Yes. And now I am sure. I have no doubts."
"Is it... is Edoardo, your boy? No, sorry, I have no right to poke my nose into your private life."
"Yes, it is him. We are in love. I love him as I never loved anyone, like I never have been able to love you. I love you, believe me, but like a friend, not like a... girl. Before, I conned myself to love you. You are a splendid girl, really. Whomever you marry will be very lucky and happy. But it can't be me, it will not be honest with you, nor with myself... and neither with Edoardo."
"I too love you Max. And I hope that... that... that you two will be happy."
"Don't judge me badly."
"Have I?"
"I am gay. I mocked you..."
"No, you didn't mock me. You were just searching for yourself... and now you have found yourself. And the fact that you are gay... I am sorry for you, because you will not have an easy life. I don't know if being gay is a perversion, or an illness as some say, or if it is a natural thing as others say. But if you are so, whatever the cause, I just hope it doesn't make your life bitter."
"Edoardo and I love each other. We really love each other."
"This is... fine! Edoardo was the boy waiting for you the other day in front of the university, right? He is really handsome, and he seems nice enough."
"Aren't you angry with me?"
"No... Disappointed perhaps. I would have liked to be engaged, I was already dreaming our life together, our children... But I will continue to love you, Max. I hope we can remain friends, I really hope so!"
"If you want to, you have to be friends with Edoardo, too. He and I, now, are an item. It is as if we married, do you understand? Would you be able to love him, too?"
"I don't know, I have to get to know him. It's possible."
"Margherita, one more thing... we decided not to tell our families just yet, therefore, please to keep to yourself what I have told you..."
"Certainly, I understand. And... thank you for being open with me, Max."
A few days later I introduced her to Edoardo. At first Edoardo was very embarrassed and only agreed to meet her just to make me happy. The two got on well almost immediately. For me, it was really good to have at least one person knowing about and accepting us. A person who was near to me and with whom I could freely talk about my Edoardo. Margherita was really wonderful.
I easily convinced grandma to invite again Edoardo to the castle for the Christmas holidays, so we could spend about ten days together. We could make love without problems, without having to go to the public baths.
Thereafter, further months of agony until the Easter holidays, when we granted ourselves one week of love and joy, again at the castle.
All was proceeding well and we counted the weeks. I would have graduated in July, my thesis was almost completed, also because when we were separated I spent almost all my time immersed in my studies, to make the time far from him pass faster. I also started to look for an apartment. After looking over several places, I found an attic downtown, small and ugly, a toilet in common with other attics and without a bath or shower, but it was not expensive and with my savings I could pay its rent for several months. At the beginning, in that small room, we had but two mattresses on the floor. Anyway, enough to shut ourselves inside and make love each time we could allow ourselves time to skip lectures at the university. The attic was a dreary place, but when we made love, we did not even notice - just he and I existed.
Finally July came, I graduated. Grandma, even before I could ask her, decided to invite Edoardo again to spend the summer with us at the castle.
During that holiday in San Salva, we decided we would tell our families about our situation, and that we were going to live together, at the end of October, that is when we went back to town. Both of us were understandably afraid at the perspective of our families reaction, mainly Edoardo. We gave comfort by telling each other that what we risked, at most was to be chased out of our homes and that, even if that was not agreeable, it would be abundantly counterbalanced by the fact we finally could begin to live together. I would look for any job and also Edoardo. Then he would enlist in the Architecture faculty - he would have been not the first nor the last working student.
That year elapsed without being as 'heavy' as we feared, even if for sure it had not been easy. We felt one step away from our goal.
Edoardo wanted to spend the last night on the tower's roof, in the open.
"Here you discovered your love for me, here I gave myself to you for the first time. This place is our little cathedral!"
"Yes, my love. And I want it here, this night. You make me yours. I too want to feel you inside me..."
"Yes, Love, as you whish..." Edoardo answered untying my gown and making it glide away. "How beautiful you are, Massimiliano. And all this beauty, belongs to me, right?"
"Sure, little one, I am yours as you belong to me."
I untied his gown and pulled it off. We looked at each other, standing face to face, naked. The full moon illuminated our bodies dressing them in silver. The consciousness that his wonderful body belonged to me as mine belonged to him, filled me with joy. I brushed his body with my fingertips, and he mine, without our bodies still uniting.
"Edoardo, how wonderful you are! And how much do I love you!"
"It is you who makes me beautiful, do you know? It is your love."
"I like seeing you aroused, and think that in a while you will finally be inside me..."
"Yes, Love, we will be united, flesh in flesh, one in the other. But then... you too will take me, won't you? I can never feel sated having you in me."
We drew nearer and our bodies adhered, we held each other tightly with the instinct to melt in one, we kissed with passion. I glided onto the blankets pulling him to me, on top of me.
"Take me, my love, take me!" I panted, invoking him.
He knelt between my thighs and with his finger thoroughly lubricated what was on offer to him. I opened up, giving myself with sheer joy. He sunk inside me, taking the place that was due to him. Not like a guest, even if really welcome, entering in the room offered to him, but as the house lord enters his house, like a king enters his kingdom. He embraced me, kissed me on the mouth, then started to slowly move his pelvis back and forth. I felt like dreaming. It was so right, so agreeable, so good having him inside me, and watching his face transform and illuminate for the pleasure he was getting from me.
All his body irradiated passion, warmth, pleasure, love and his muscles darting in the union's movements irradiated virility. I was so happy to have received him inside me - now more than ever, I could feel I really belonged to him, and he to me. We made love for a long time, holding back our passion, sipping and savouring all. The male smell, fresh and intimate of his body, was like an aphrodisiac. The taste of his mouth quenched my thirst for love. His hands drew sparkles from my body... I belonged to him!
Reciprocal pleasure reached a dizzy crescendo and I pushed myself against him at each of his thrusts grew more and more vigorous. His member massaged my prostate awakening in me spasms of pleasure, until we both threw our liquid message of love in an euphoria of powerful jets.
"Ah, my little one, how happy I am!" I murmured looking at him, filled with love, when at last we lay, relaxing.
"Yes, sweet love. And soon we will live together and we can make love any time we want, without problems. Do you know that my desire for you has not yet been sated?"
"To me too it is the same, my adorable lover, to me too. We still have all night ahead of us, we can make love as long as we want, my little one."
We again united, sharing all the tenderness and the gentleness of our love, and all the vigour and the passion of our young bodies. We were never tired of kissing, touching, and suckling each other, to unite. Dawn found us still tightly intertwined, intoxicated with our love.
We then decided that as soon as we were in town that evening, we would make our final (or initial) move - we would announce to our families our will to live together. Therefore, we made a date for the morning of the following day, in our attic.
We went back to town and parted. But this time, happily, just for a few hours.