On the following evening Neil took Norman to the Brief Encounter. The whole time he amused himself studying his friend's expression as he looked around and observed the "fauna" of the premises.
After a while Norman drew closer to him and asked in a low voice, "But they all are gay? All of them?"
"Almost certainly they all are."
"You were right. Apart from a few, if I met them in the street I would never think they are. They are all such... such normal people. Also in the way they're dressed. But why do they gather here?"
"Because they want to chat among themselves, or because they hope to find a companion or an adventure -- at least many of them do."
"You've come here looking for an adventure too?"
"At times."
"And did you find it?"
"Not often, but once or twice."
"The bartenders are gay too?"
"I think so, yes."
They stayed there for a couple of hours. One of the patrons asked Norman for a light then cornered him. Neil, using the excuse of going to the toilet, left them alone for a while. When he got back, Norman was alone again.
"Hey, Neil, that chap tried to pick me up..."
"I though he might. But where is he now?"
"I think he went downstairs. When I told him that I'm here with my man, he seemed disappointed and left."
"Wasn't he your type?"
"My type? Well he was a handsome man; quite pleasant."
"Wouldn't you have liked to go with him?"
"But I'm with you."
"What if you weren't with me? If you and I had split up?"
"Perhaps I would, I don't know. I didn't think about that at all."
"It could be fun trying with another man."
Norman frowned, looking slightly scandalized, "When I'm with a person, I'm not the kind of guy that fools around with others."
"Are you an old-fashioned guy?" Neil asked, amused.
"No... I don't know. I just think it's fair that way. I'm with you. You can't have your cake and eat it too, can you? You are with me now; would you go to bed with someone else?"
"No, I really don't think so -- I feel OK with you, I don't need any other."
"That's it. It's the same for me too," Norman concluded quietly.
Neil looked at his watch -- it was 11:30. "Do you feel like going to a disco?"
"Yes. A disco where you and I can dance together, right?"
"Sure. It's a gay disco, as I told you."
"Good. I've never danced with a man, and I like the thought of dancing with you, in front of everybody."
"I like looking at you while you dance -- you are terribly sexy."
"Only when I dance?" the boy asked slyly.
"No. Also when you undress..." Neil answered, smiling.
"Do you like my body?"
"More and more. A few extra pounds and you'll be perfect. Really."
They went off to dance. There also, at least at the beginning, Norman was absorbed in studying the people that crowded the club. But when they went onto the dance floor, the boy seemed to forget everybody apart from Neil, and started dancing for his own pleasure only and that of his companion. It was clear to Neil that Norman was moving in such a sensual and fascinating way just for him, and this made him happy. He felt that he was being given a gift, something precious. And suddenly he became conscious of a new fact -- he didn't feel lonely any more. Through his dancing, the boy was communicating just how important Neil was to him, far better than he could have done with words. And while he was dancing, the boy's face was illuminated by a wonderful smile and his eyes shone with joy and desire.
When they decided to go back home the trains had stopped for the night, so they caught a taxi. Along the way Norman held Neil's hand, caressing and squeezing it, without talking. They hurried inside, both eager to be in each other's arms, full of desire to unite and give vent to their passion; to give each other pleasure.
Neil also realized that the boy was giving himself to him physically with less and less restraint, with increasing pleasure, completely. And when Norman begged him again to penetrate him Neil, finally did so -- after preparing him for a long time and when he felt that the boy was relaxed and ready. Norman felt a slight pain, but was also enraptured and urged Neil on, encouraging him with a radiant smile full of desire... Neil felt that the boy's gift of his virginity was something unique, and was deeply moved.
Later the boy finally agreed to penetrate his friend in turn, and Neil thought that the boy was taking him with such a sweet passion that it was absolutely impossible to believe that he could have raped his girlfriend. They fell asleep sated and happy, tightly intertwined,
On the following morning the telephone's ringing woke them up. Neil disentangled himself from his companion's embrace and went, naked, to answer it. It was Robert.
"Neil? I've got wonderful news!"
"Oh Robert, what is it?"
"Norman has been charged with absolutely nothing. There has been no report made against him. He is completely clean."
"Are you certain?"
"Quite certain. I've checked the central computer and I personally contacted the Bristol Police. There's nothing at all."
"Just a moment, I'll call Norman. Tell him yourself. And thanks, for now."
Norman, stark naked also, got out of the bed and drew near to him as soon as he realized that it was Robert on the phone. Neil handed him the receiver. They talked. Neil looked at the boy's expression while he was talking to the policeman. It changed from amazement to doubt, back again to amazement and then to joy. When Norman put down the receiver, he turned towards Neil, hugged him tightly, lifted him a little off the floor and spun around.
His voice hoarse with the emotion he shouted, "I'm free! Free! Now I can find a job! It's wonderful. Do you understand? I don't have to hide anymore; I can start living again! All those months of fear for... for no reason! Christ, how incredible! The bitch's father didn't report me. It was all just a load of shit. God, I'm so happy! Happy!"
Neil was happy for his friend too, but, feeling his bare body pressed against his own nudity, he became aroused at once. The boy became aware of that and smiled at him radiantly. He kissed him passionately and pushed him towards the bedroom, still holding him tightly against himself.
"We have to celebrate, Neil. We have to make love!"
When finally, after making love with Neil, Norman regained some self-control and the man said him, "So now, you don't need me any more..."
"What? What do you mean?"
"That now... now you can find a job, a home... you can make a life without me, if you want."
"If I want? You mean, I... I'm free to do what I think best? That's right! Now I'm completely free. I don't need your money any more, nor your shelter. So do you understand what I'm saying? Do you know what I intend to do? As soon as the employment agencies reopen I'll go and look for a job, and as soon as I find a good job, we will go and look for a larger home together -- a home all our own with a garden, and we'll go and live there together."
"Together? You and me?"
"Have you changed your mind?" Norman asked him in alarm.
"Me? No, oh no! I was just afraid that you would change your mind... If you changed your mind, I would understand, I would accept it..."
"Silly man! I've decided to stay with you, as long as you are happy with me. I need you, as I told you. I don't want to lose you at all. I didn't need your home or your money. Is that so hard to understand?"
Neil nodded seriously. He remained silent for a while, immersed in his thoughts.
Then Norman lifted his chin with two fingers, looked him in the eye and asked softly, "Hey! What's up?"
"I'm happy to be with you, certainly. We can try to live together. As long as it works."
"You don't seem so enthusiastic, Neil... Why?"
"You are so young. And this is your first time with a man, and I am twice your age ... We are so different...."
"Oh really? I hadn't realized that. I feel good with you and you with me -- nothing else matters. You are the most exceptional man I've ever met, and I don't want to lose you, not for all the gold in the world. I'm not good at making speeches; I'm not an intellectual. But I know that I'm lucky to have met you, so very lucky. And then, remember, I would never have given myself to the first passerby!"
"Norman, do you know that I like you a lot?"
"Yes, I know. You make me feel it every time you talk to me or you listen to me, every time you look at me and every time you touch me. Hey, Neil! Today is the first day of the year. A New Year begins today and a new life begins for me, and I hope it will be wonderful for me and for you, together. Neil, if nothing else, I hope to be able to give you a splendid year -- to make you happy. You deserve it. And remember this well -- I am not your university student. I am Norman Simpson, from Bristol."
Neil smiled and caressed his cheek, "My boy, I hope to be able to make you smile too, more and more often."
They became silent, but both were aware that their silence, more than ever, was filled with communication beyond any speech. Norman was astounded by this discovery and was happy for it. He had never felt as good with anybody as he did now with Neil; also when they made love. It was different than with girls. When he had fucked them, he'd known a kind of pleasure in feeling the stronger one, in being aware that he was overcoming them, dominating them. With Neil on the other hand, neither of them overcame or dominated the other. They were two human beings on an even footing who could give and receive with the same intensity, in a relationship without roles. This gave him a feeling of serenity such as he would never have thought possible. Therefore he felt grateful to Neil. Only one thing still puzzled him -- he was conscious that Neil loved him; was in love with him, even though he hadn't wanted to fall in love. And yet, even though he really wanted to stay with Neil, he could not say that he was in love with him. This disturbed him, oddly enough, because it made him feel he was being unfair to his friend. But he could not lie, either to Neil or to himself -- what he felt was a very deep, very strong affection, but not love.
On the third of January Neil had to return to work. Norman took advantage of that to go and look for a job. He also starting looking around to see what possibilities there were of finding a larger, more comfortable apartment.
At the office Patrick asked about Norman, "So then, will you and the boy live together?"
"Yes, we'll try."
"I envy you two. Robert and I can't because of his job."
"But at least, you two are in love."
"Why, aren't you two?"
"I am. Not Norman."
"But he really wants to stay with you. You said so."
"Yes, he is fond of me; he feels good with me, but..."
"He is only young. At times youths are extremely romantic, at other times it seems they're afraid of love. That's possibly the case with Norman. Maybe he just lacks experience. Maybe he just isn't able to put a name to what he's feeling. Do you think that might be the case?"
"Perhaps. Do you know that I am his first and only man?"
"You mean he's never done it before, apart from with girls?"
"Exactly. In fact I wonder how long it will last. He likes girls, after all."
"But now he wants to stay with you."
"Yes, but for how long? I fear that as soon as he finds the right girl, he will choose her over me."
"It's possible, but not certain. Pardon me for not minding my own business but... are you the bottom?"
"No, we're both top and bottom."
"But which does he like best?"
"Both."
"Well, that's a good sign, isn't it?"
"A good sign? What do you mean?"
"A girl can't satisfy him in both ways, can she?"
"Yes... sure. But there is also the age difference."
"Is it a big problem for you?"
"No, not for me, on the contrary... but, sooner or later, it could become a problem for him."
"Have you talked to him about it?"
"Sure."
"And his response?"
"He says I am not a forty-year-old man, but that I'm the same age as he is and that he feels perfectly comfortable around me."
"So what's the problem then? I don't really know him. But I've known you for a good while -- at least as a colleague. Perhaps I would never have said that you are a twenty-year-old chap, but you certainly don't act any older than thirty. That's what I've always thought, anyway. Even though you've always been rather reserved here at the office, looking into your eyes was enough to show how very alive you are inside. Don't be too worried, Neil. Have faith in your big boy. He gave me the impression he certainly knows what he wants."
Neil thought how good it was to have a friend with whom he could talk about such matters, with whom he could confide and confront, and felt grateful to Patrick for offering him this possibility. And to think that they had been colleagues for years and had never guessed about each other, having always had just a formal relationship.
Around the end of January, Norman found a job. He was hired as assistant in an elegant clothes shop near Covent Garden. He was so happy that he wanted to celebrate by inviting Patrick and Robert over. They had supper together, then went dancing at Heaven. Neil, as usual, was enraptured just looking at Norman dancing for him. When Neil felt a little tired and went to sit down, his boy followed him at once and sat beside him.
Neil looked at him, "So why have you stopped dancing?"
"Because you did..."
"I'm just a little tired. You can go on."
"Not without you."
"You said that you like dancing -- even alone..."
"That was before. Now, I've realized that I prefer dancing with you and for you. I love how you look at me while I dance. You make me feel desired, admired and important. I feel as though you're undressing me with your eyes, that I'm naked; and I like that feeling. If we were alone... I really would undress for you. Wouldn't you like that?"
"Yes. We can do it when we get home."
"Sure! I thought of that before. Do you know that being desired arouses me? It's great to feel your desire for me."
"And do you desire me?"
"Yes. I thought that was clear."
Neil smiled but said nothing. Then he asked, "Why do you desire me? What do you find so interesting about me?"
"You! Apart from the fact that you have a beautiful, strong body; apart from the fact that you make love incredibly well; it's YOU that I find fascinating."
"Me? Fascinating? Me? There are people much more beautiful than I am. Just look around."
"Maybe so. But nobody looks at me like you do; talks to me like you do; smiles at me like you do. And nobody is as beautiful inside as you are. I feel like kissing you..."
"Me too. Here nobody pays any attention."
"But if I kiss you, here... then I won't be able to stop... I feel such a desire to undress you; to make love with you -- here, in front of everybody," Norman whispered to him and blushed at once. Then, smiling, he added, "Do you think that nobody would notice that?"
Neil giggled and answered, "I'm afraid that they would... and that poor Robert would have to arrest us, even if was with regret."
"You know, I've never felt so attracted to somebody before. You've bewitched me -- since the first day I saw you, when I felt I had to follow you -- like the mice and the Pied Piper of Hamelin. At first I didn't understand it clearly, it was all too new for me. And when I began to understand it I was scared to death. No, not of you but of myself. I was never afraid of you. I never guessed I was capable of feeling what I felt for you -- for another man. You have only to touch me and I fall completely under your spell. I don't think that anybody could ever make me feel what you make me feel. Do you know, Neil, that you are the most precious thing I've ever had in my whole life?"
"Well, you are young. You still haven't had very much experience. If you had more experience you'd possibly think differently."
"I want to make love with you."
"Yes?"
"Let's go back home..."
"Remember that Patrick and Robert are here with us. And it's still early."
"I can't wait, Neil..."
At that moment their two friends came off the dance floor, hot and sweaty.
Robert, sitting beside Norman, said with a smile, "You two look like two lovebirds."
Norman blushed but nodded.
Robert continued, "I was looking at you two from the dance floor. I think you were a thousand miles away. Am I wrong? You never took your eyes off each other."
Norman smiled, nodded again and then said, "I... I'd like to go back home with Neil... would that bother you?"
"No, no, not at all. We'll take you home in my car. It seems to me that you're in something of a hurry, am I right, Norman?"
"Yes..." the boy murmured, then added, "Thank you."
They sat on the back seat of Robert's car, and the man hadn't even started the engine before the two of them were in each other's arms, kissing and caressing. Robert winked at Patrick and started driving. When they arrived, Norman and Neil said goodbye to their friends and rushed up to the house. They had no sooner got inside than they started undressing each other, leaving a trail of clothes behind them. They reached the bed stark naked already, and literally flung themselves into each other's arms.
At the office the following day, Patrick said to Neil, "Are you blind? Norman is madly in love with you!"
"Do you really think so?"
"Ah, then you really are blind! Didn't you see how he was looking at you last night? Robert and I are in love, but I can detect that special light in my man's eyes only when we are at the height of orgasm. Norman is thirsty for you, for your love. He had lost his head over you. Is it possible that you are really not aware? You two, when you are beside each other, radiate so much sensuality, such mutual desire that last night Robert and I got aroused too, and we made love with more passion than usual. That boy is madly in love with you! If our colleagues saw the two of you together, they would know the score immediately."
"And I am madly in love with him. They say that the first love is the most beautiful. Either Norman is my first true love or it isn't true that the first is the most beautiful. I've never felt for anybody what I feel for him -- whether it be physically or otherwise."
"It's obvious, it's so obvious! I've never seen you so radiant. The others, here in the office, have noticed it too. Do you know that there's a rumour going around that you've found yourself a woman? It's why I'm suggesting that it would be better if our colleagues don't see you with Norman..."
Neil smiled, amused, "And instead he is a man, and what a man! Do you know that I think I've never met anybody as virile as he is, and at the same time as sweet as he is, as honest and naive, and at the same time as full of lust as Norman is? Every day I think only of him and count the hours that I'm away from him... I feel as though I'm a twenty-year-old boy again. Patrick, I feel like I'm the happiest man in the world!"
"That's obvious. Do you know that I envy you somehow?"
"Me? But you are happy with Robert, aren't you?"
"Yes, thank heaven, I feel really happy. But nobody has ever looked at me the way Norman looks at you -- and you say that he is not in love with you!"
"He says so, and I believe him."
"Did he tell you so last night?"
"No... only in the first few days."
"And then? These last few days?"
"No, we haven't talked about it any more. I don't want to become a pain in the ass. Anyway I don't want to hear him tell me again that he is fond of me but not in love with me. It would hurt too much."
"But he loves you. Listen to me! Even if he's repeated that he doesn't. Robert thinks so too."
"I hope you are right..." Neil replied.
Inside himself he knew that Patrick was right, but still the fear of losing Norman made him hesitant to consciously abandon himself to the pleasure of feeling loved, of knowing himself to be loved. Only when he was in his boy's arms did he feel completely at ease.
Norman, on the other hand, had no such problems. He felt good with Neil. He was happy and that was enough for him.
He was content at work. His colleagues, men and women, were quite pleasant. The customers were elegant; the owner was seldom around and didn't cause problems anyway. The pay was rather good.
In March an engaged couple came to the shop to buy clothes for after the wedding ceremony. One of the female assistants in the women's section took care of the bride-to-be and Norman looked after the future groom. He was a young Scottish man around twenty-five years old, with an open and pleasant face.
After he'd chosen some clothes, he asked Norman, "Do you have something sexy... for the first night, you know..."
"Underwear?" Norman asked.
"Yes, something beautiful, tight, to emphasize..." the customer suggested with a cunning smile.
Norman showed him the colour catalogue for a Greek designer's label.
The customer pointed to one of the pictures, "I like this one, what do you think? It seems beautiful."
Norman asked himself for a moment whether the customer was talking about the clothes or the model and smiled inwardly.
Then he suggested, "Would you like to see these clothes?"
"Yes, thank you. What colour do you suggest for me?"
"Peacock blue?"
"Yes, I think it would complement my skin colour. May I try them on?"
"Certainly. Here, behind this curtain. I'll switch on the light."
The young man entered the cubicle. Norman thought it was odd that he hadn't asked to try on the suits, and now he wanted to try on the briefs and the vest...
After a while the customer's head peeped out, "I think a size smaller would fit me better. Can you come and tell me what you think?"
Norman entered the cubicle, "I think it is just right as it is. If anything, I would change the vest. The briefs seem tight enough..."
The customer took off the vest, "Yes, you could be right. Do you think this model is sexy enough?"
"I think so, especially with a tighter vest. They show off your body."
"And the briefs too?" the young man asked passing his hand lightly over his generously swollen front.
"Yes, they are cut so that they highlight... what's in them." Norman answered slightly embarrassed -- then added, "I'll go and get another vest."
"No wait. Also bring briefs in a size smaller. Here, take these." And before Norman could react, he pulled off the briefs, standing stark naked before him. Norman looked at him, halfway between embarrassment and astonishment, but also curious. Then he looked the other in the eye. He was smiling slyly and looking at him brazenly.
Then the customer asked, "You like what you see, don't you?"
"I'll go and get the smaller size, sir."
"No, wait... what's the hurry?"
"I am working, sir."
The other smiled and asked, "Are you embarrassed? Never seen a naked man? I think you have. And seeing the way you were looking at me, I also think you like it. Come here, touch me..."
"I'm sorry, I'm going..." Norman answered and left the cubicle.
That customer had a beautiful body, and he really felt the desire to touch it. But at the same time he was shaken. Shaken because he hadn't expected anything like that; so forward, so brazen, so provocative. Shaken because he was conscious of the danger of being caught; but also because, apart from Neil, it was the first time a man's body had attracted him. He went back with the new underwear, passing it to the customer through the curtain, without going in. After a while the customer come out, completely dressed, and gave him the underwear.
"Yes, I'll take them, and also a set in water-green. They really fit me well. Here's my telephone number. Will you call me? You and I can meet alone. I would like it very much. I'm still living alone at the moment..."
"Aren't you about to marry, sir?"
"Yes, and I love her. But, at times, I also like doing it with somebody handsome like you. Will you call me, then?"
"I don't think so, sir, I'm sorry." Norman said handing him back the calling card.
"No, keep it. If you change your mind..."
When Norman arrived back at home, he at once told Neil what had happened and also what he had felt.
"If he attracts you, you can call him, Norman..."
The boy looked at him astounded, "Why? I don't need him. I'm with you."
"But he attracted you, didn't he? If you always suppress what you feel for others, sooner or later you won't be able to control yourself and it would be worse. If it should happen that you prefer another man or girl to me, it would be better sooner than later. The later it happens, the more I will suffer because of it."
"But why should it happen? Yes, it aroused me a little, seeing him stark naked before me. He had a beautiful body. But that doesn't interest me. Anyway, you have a beautiful body too. But you also have a lot more than that. He just wanted to have a fuck with me. You love me."
"I am in love with you..."
"Yes I know. Exactly. I wouldn't even consider going in bed with another man or woman anyway," Norman said tearing the customer's calling card to pieces.
Then he went over to Neil and French kissed him, holding him tightly against himself. Cuddling him, he said, "I'm interested exclusively in you, can't you understand that?"
Neil was happy. If Norman had accepted that customer's proposition, he would have felt terrible, even though he'd been sincere when he told Norman he could also try.
Almost as if he had read his thoughts, Norman asked him, "Wouldn't you have felt bad, if I had gone to bed with that guy?"
"Yes, that's true. But I am so afraid of losing you that, if it's going to happen, I'd prefer it to happen soon..."
"But why must it happen? I hope it will never happen, ever. I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to hurt myself either. Where would I find another person as right for me as you are? Do you know that you've changed my whole life? Do you know that since I've known you, for the first time I am happy to have been born; to be alive?"
"Aren't you sorry you turned him down?"
"No, absolutely not."
"But you said he was beautiful..."
"You are beautiful. Yes, he was beautiful and also sexy. But you are my man and I am yours... I'm not interested in others, and that is enough for me. Will you get that into your hard head? And now, stop talking. Kiss me. Let's make love, I need you."