December arrived and they decided to celebrate the first anniversary of their meeting. As their home was too small, they decided to invite all their friends to an Italian restaurant in the West End, where they had booked a small room. They exchanged presents and Francis took several photos -- they were the first that Neil and Norman had of themselves together. After lunch they all went first to the Queen's Arms, then to see "The Phantom of the Opera". They spent a beautiful day together.
On their way back, while they were waiting at Charing Cross Station for the train to Lewisham, there was a boy sitting on the floor and leaning against a pillar. When he saw them approaching, he asked unsmiling, "Do you have some spare change?"
Neil and Norman looked at each other, then Norman said to Neil, "Woe betide you if you give him five pounds!" and he handed the banknote to the boy.
The boy, taking it, asked, "What's the celebration today?"
"Our anniversary," Norman answered and moved on, pushing Neil by an arm. Then, smiling, he said to him, "You know, I wouldn't like you to start again... and let's take care he doesn't follow us."
"But what if I preferred him to you?"
"I'd kill him. Then possibly I'd also give him my woollen scarf."
"There's no danger of that -- There's only one Norman."
"How many of me would you like?"
"One. Just one is enough -- perfect for me."
"Are you still happy that you gave me those five pounds?"
"More than happy -- it has been the best investment of my whole life. And you, are you happy that you followed me that evening?"
"Don't you see? I'm still following you one year later!"
They went back home.
On the following day they went to do shopping for Christmas lunch, then into London to buy their presents. They split up at the station arranging to meet back there at seven that evening. Back home, while they were eating supper, it started to snow.
"Neil! It's snowing! What do you think about covering up well and taking a nice stroll in the snow? We can go to the park... if you aren't too tired."
Neil saw that Norman's eyes were shining excitedly, "Yes, let's go. I like the snow too."
They went toward the park. They ran along on the pavement where the snow had already settled, then they slid along trying to maintain their balance. Some passersby looked at them, at first in amusement, then rather taken aback on realizing that they were not two kids, but that one of them was actually a mature man. Paying no attention, they continued through the park, challenging each other to see who could slide the farthest. The street lamps projected cones of light that lit up the falling snow so that it seemed to appear from the nowhere.
"Look at how beautiful it is, Norman!"
"It seems magical. Look at the trees starting to become white. When I was a child, I loved to draw bare trees covered with snow. It's a pity that there is still so little snow, otherwise we could have made snowballs."
"Then it's a good thing that there is still so little snow. You'd be sure to win and I'd even find the snow inside my underpants."
"Well, that wouldn't be a problem -- I'd warm it for you..."
Laughing and joking, they wandered about the park enjoying the fairy-tale atmosphere.
"Let's hope the snow remains until Christmas. It's years since there's been snow on Christmas day."
"Neil? Do you realize that soon you'll look like a snowman? Your head is already all white!"
"So now you know what I'll look like when I'm an old man."
"You'll look wonderful. I'll always like you a lot."
As they wandered about over the snow-white expanse, at one point they saw a big bundle under a tree. At first they didn't take much notice of it, but as they got closer they realized that the bundle was moving slightly.
"Neil, what's under there, an animal?"
"It's a little too big to be an animal and there are no bears here... It could actually be a person..."
"Why would anyone be there? Perhaps they're ill?"
"Who knows, it could possibly be a tramp..."
"Let's go and see."
They drew nearer and saw that it was a girl, crouching on the ground, almost curled up into a ball. The snow covered her like a white, shining blanket.
"Hey, are you ill? Do you need help?" Norman asked her.
The girl looked up and watched them, but didn't answer.
Neil crouched down beside her, "Miss, you'll catch your death of cold... it's cold and damp here. Are you ill? Do you want us to take you to a hospital?"
"NO!" the girl snarled.
"But you can't stay here. Don't you have a place to go, a home?"
"No. Leave me alone."
Norman also crouched beside the girl, "If you're not ill, why are you here? Has someone beaten you? Robbed you?"
"No."
"Listen, we can't leave you here. Won't you tell us what happened?"
"Fuck off!"
"Yes, I'll go later. But right now you'll tell me what happened. You may be stubborn, but I'm even more stubborn than you."
Silence.
Neil stood up but Norman remained unmoving beside the girl. Some time passed.
Then Norman continued, "Even if you don't have a home to go to, there are better places to spend the night. I spent so many nights out in the open, away from home, when I thought that the police was looking for me. But out here it's suicidal in this weather. There's a real risk that you'll die."
"I want to die."
"Don't talk bullshit! How old are you?"
Silence.
"At the most you'd be nineteen. Have you run away from home? Is there some problem?"
Silence. The girl didn't talk, didn't look at them, and had curled up again.
Then Norman said her, "Listen, if you don't tell me what's going on, my friend will go and call the police, and..."
"No, not the police!"
"Why, are they looking for you?"
"Not the police." The girl repeated plaintively.
"If you tell me what the matter is, we won't call the police. I promise."
At that point the girl burst into tears with a sorrowful wracking cry -- a keening sound, like that of a wounded animal. Norman, impulsively, put his arm around her shoulders and brushed the snow off her hair with his other hand.
"Come on, don't cry. We're here. If we can help, we will. Stand up. Come on, stand up..."
Norman put his arm around her waist and stood up with her. The girl let him help her up. Norman continued holding her.
"Do you feel OK? Can you walk?"
"Yes."
"Miss, come with us. We'll give you something warm," Neil said.
"Where?"
"At our apartment."
"No!"
"Don't worry, you are in good hands. We have no intention of raping you, we are gay anyway!" Norman said, smiling at her.
The girl looked at him, then burst out laughing hysterically.
Norman also laughed with her, then said, "Will you come with us, then?"
"Why?"
"Because the day after tomorrow is Christmas and it's cold here. And we are two angels who have come down from heaven. Do you know that in heaven they have no girl angels to send to girls, but they have gay angels so they send them down here for cases like yours."
The girl again laughed nervously then said, "Stop being stupid. I wouldn't give a shit if you did want to fuck me, life stinks anyway. Why don't you and your friend just leave me in peace?"
"Because I can't. What's your name?"
"Fuck you."
"Alright then, but I can't possibly call you 'Hey, you!' My name is Norman, and this is Neil. And you?"
"Sara."
"Like my sister. So, will you come with us, to our home? If you really want to die, you can do it another time, can't you?"
"I don't want to die. Yes, I would like to die, but I don't have the courage."
"When Neil found me, I told him those same words. But he told me that a person needs more courage to keep on living. And he's right, you know? There's never a good reason to die, and there are a lot of good reasons to live."
While they were talking like this, they were walking slowly toward their home. Neil followed them, moved by the scene.
Finally the girl started telling them her story -- she had been chased from her home because her boyfriend had made her pregnant. And when she had gone to him, the boy had asked her how she could be sure that he was the father. He'd refused to help her and had suggested that she have an abortion. But abortions cost money and she didn't have a penny. Sara confessed that she really didn't want to die, but she thought that if she remained in the cold and without eating, she might possibly lose the child. Norman asked her for how long she'd been pregnant -- it was five months. Her large raincoat had hidden her pregnancy so that the two friends hadn't noticed before.
They got home and Neil prepared something warm to feed the girl, Norman continued talking to her. They made her eat then she asked to go to the bathroom to wash up a little. They filled the tub with warm water for her.
Taking advantage of her absence, Norman asked Neil, "What do you think about having her sleep here -- at least until we can find her a place? We can use the airbed and the sleeping bag, and have her sleep here in the living room."
"I was thinking that too. We obviously can't leave her in the street in her condition, poor girl."
"Those bastard parents, they're too much! And that bastard boy! That prick first made her... Well, I really shouldn't talk! Just think if I'd got Betty pregnant..."
"But you didn't. When we went to Bristol, you asked about that, didn't you?"
"Yes. It didn't happen. But I had fled before knowing that. I didn't even think about it at the time."
"You just thought about saving yourself, and I can understand that. Sara's case is different. Her boy made her pregnant then treated her like a whore when she was actually in love with him..."
Sara returned from the bathroom, saying, "I feel better, thank you. It's late..."
"Listen, Sara, Norman and I thought that you could sleep here until we can find you a solution. For the moment we can settle you here in the living room. We have an air bed and a sleeping bag..."
"I should say no thank you... But I feel too tired. I'm just sorry to be causing you so much trouble."
"No, Sara, we are happy to help you out. Now just think about resting. Over the next few days we will come up with a solution. Anyway one thing is certain -- you'll spend Christmas with us, right Neil?"
His friend smiled and started getting things ready for Sara.
"You are nice, boys. You don't even know me, and..."
She didn't finish the sentence. She rummaged in her shoulder bag and pulled out a small parcel wrapped in newspaper.
"Here is the only thing of any value that I took away from home. It's just a silver music box -- take it, I've have it since I was a child. I'd like you to keep it, as a way of thanking you... and for you to remember me..."
"You don't need to, Sara..." Neil said.
"I'd like to... You are the first kind people I've met. I would like you to take it, please. It may not be worth very much, but..."
Norman took the box and gave her a kiss on her forehead. Then, bidding her goodnight, they left her alone and withdrew to their bedroom. After closing the door, Norman unwrapped the small parcel, wound up the music box and turned it on. It played the tune from "Love Story". Meanwhile Neil was folding up the piece of newspaper in which it had been wrapped, when he stopped suddenly as something written there caught his eye.
"Norman, look here, read this... Look at what this piece of newspaper says..."
"Dame Thatcher opens the..."
"No, below that."
"Winner of York's lottery still unknown?"
"Yes, that one."
"So, what about it?"
"Read the text..."
"Crickey! Do you mean..."
"It doesn't say, but we still have the ten tickets and we never thought about checking them."
"The serial number is listed here as well... and it says that the period for claiming the prize expires on January fifth. Where are the tickets?"
"I don't know. I don't remember."
"We didn't throw them away, by any chance?"
"No. Perhaps they are still in the York Tourist Guide -- up there on the bookshelf. But I don't want to disturb Sara now."
"Well, we can look tomorrow morning. Do you realize? It says here that the prize is eight hundred and fifty thousand pounds! If we were the winners... we could buy a beautiful house right away and..."
"Let's not get too excited just yet. Who knows how many thousands of tickets have been sold in York? Let's hit the sack, now. We'll check tomorrow morning."
They went to bed. Norman, turning off the light, asked Neil, "What do you think about Sara?"
"Poor girl. In these circumstances she can't even look for a job. She seems a nice girl."
"Yes, I think so too. Do you think we can help her? Do something for her?"
"I hope so. I'm just sorry we had to put her to sleep on the floor in her condition."
"It's always better than in the park. At least it's warm here. And anyway, even if we wanted to give her our bed, the two of us can't fit in one sleeping bag. And we certainly can't have her sleeping in here with us."
"There is enough space for three though..."
"But I want to make love with you. I don't think I could with her here, could I?"
"Do you want to make love with me?"
"Sure! Does it seem so odd to you?"
"Yes, very odd."
"Why?"
"Because you seem to be all talk and no action..."
Norman giggled and immediately started caressing Neil intimately.
"Now that's better..." Neil whispered.
"Yes, but let's keep quiet. I don't want to embarrass Sara."
"Did you know that it's a crime for two males to have sex under the same roof as a third person?"
"No, I didn't know. Well, that makes it even more exciting. Come on, criminal, let's have more action and less talk."
Neil giggled but pushed his body against his lover's, making him feel his erection and pulling him to himself. Norman sighed softly then they kissed.
When they woke up on the following morning, Sara was still sleeping. They tiptoed into the kitchen, without waking her.
"She has such a nice face while she's sleeping. It has lost the hardness that was there last night."
"You too, Norman, wore a hard expression like that on your first few days here."
"I know. You softened me up, little by little. Sure, having her around for a few days will restrict us a little, but it's worth it, isn't it?"
"Sure, it's worth it. And after all she won't limit us that much. We still managed to made love just the same, didn't we?"
"Yes, but for instance we can't go around naked. And I can't open your trousers and take you in my mouth now as I'd like to..."
"We can go back into the bedroom, if you want..."
"No, let's make breakfast. For two or three days it won't hurt us to make a few small sacrifices. But now, at least we can do this..." Norman said and French kissed him.
After Sara had woken up, and while she was eating her breakfast, Neil went looking for the tickets to check them. The ticket that the old woman had marked with her pencil was indeed the winning ticket. For a moment Neil stood there stunned -- as though he'd been hit by lightning -- and felt his head spinning. He checked and rechecked the serial numbers in disbelief. There was no doubt, it was really the winning ticket! He decided not to say anything to Norman for the time being. He put the lucky ticket in his wallet, together with the newspaper clipping, and threw all the other tickets into the wastepaper basket.
"Did you check them?" Norman asked him when he went back into the kitchen.
Neil, hoping that his expression wouldn't give him away, answered casually tone, "Yes, and threw them all away."
"Never mind! We'll just continue to economize."
Neil's cheerfulness didn't make his friend suspicious, as he interpreted it as Neil's way of lifting Sara's spirits.
The three of them spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together, when they again prepared a candlelight lunch and exchanged presents, including some that they had bought at the last minute for Sara. The telephone rang a few times -- it was friends calling with Christmas greetings.
On December 26 Neil started phoning around trying to try and find a home for Sara. But he began to realize that it was much harder than he had thought. The various agencies and associations that he was able to contact, seemed to be passing the buck. They had to return to work on the 27th and they left Sara at home.
Norman was the first to return home. He found the girl in the bathroom -- vomiting. At first while he was helping her he thought that it was caused by her pregnancy. But then he noticed that what came out of her mouth seemed to be herbs.
"What are you throwing up? What have you eaten?"
"Nothing..."
"Sara, tell me immediately what you've eaten! Don't muck around!" Norman said sharply while holding her.
"Herbs... to have an abortion."
"You're crazy!"
"No I'm not. I'd heard that chrysanthemum leaves can cause an abortion so this morning when I went out for a walk, and I saw some chrysanthemum plants... but they just made me vomit..."
"Are you really that determined to have an abortion?"
"Yes. There is also a way where you make a hole in the sack with a knitting needle, but I'm too scared, I couldn't do it on my own..."
"With a needle? That's madness! You'd risk infection and death. Christ, why are you so determined to have an abortion?"
"I don't want this child, I don't want it."
Norman shook his head, "You don't want this child, and it's growing inside of you. Neil would love to have a child and he can't. Everything's topsy turvy!"
"Why can't he have one? Is he impotent?"
"No, I don't really think..."
"So what then?"
"No matter how hard he tries, he'll never be able to make me pregnant." Norman giggled.
"So then... you two really..."
"Sure, I told you -- we are both gay. We sleep together, don't we?"
"That doesn't mean anything! Other people live together without doing that..."
"But we do it. Does that offend you?"
"No, it's none of my business. Everyone has the right to live how he fucking well wants. How long have you two been together?"
"One year. He found me on the street. Then we fell in love. He is a splendid man, you know?"
"I got the impression that you both are. Do you feel like telling me your story?"
Norman told her and Sara listened carefully. But while he was telling her, Norman's mind was elsewhere. He was thinking again about what he'd said to the girl a moment earlier -- one person has a child and doesn't want it, another person wants one but can't... A thought was taking shape in his head.
He stopped suddenly and asked her, "So why don't you want a child?"
"Because once it was born, I'd have to abandon it. It would grow up in an orphanage. What kind of life would it have? I really can't keep it; I'd have to work as I don't have enough money. Moreover, who would marry an unwed mother? I don't even have a place to bring it up, or anybody to look after it... And besides, I don't feel like being a mother yet, like doing the mother thing. I'm still too young; I want to enjoy my life if I can. If I can. And anyway, he treated me like a whore... and it'll be his child... Do you think that so strange? Are you condemning me too?"
"Who, me? No, not me. But I'm sorry that the child has to die. You see, I was born because of a mistake. My folks told me so and made me feel guilt about it. Many times I've asked myself why they didn't just decide to have an abortion instead of blaming me for having been born..."
"That's just it, do you see? So then, you agree with me!"
"No, Sara. If my mother had an abortion, I would never have met Neil... and found happiness. And Neil would never have met me and found happiness; and he would still be terribly lonely and alone. If God exists, and I believe he does, then he had me born for Neil, do you understand? I was destined for him."
"But if you weren't born, you wouldn't even know it, so you wouldn't be able to regret it..."
"I wouldn't, no! But Neil would have remained alone. He didn't deserve it. Yes, you could say that he would have found another boy, but I don't think so... I believe in fate. And we can't play with other people's destiny. It would be better for your child to grow up in an orphanage than to die before being born. Your child has the right to have its chance."
"And what about me? Don't I have the right to have MY chance?"
"Well, nobody's threatening to kill you. You still have loads of chances."
"I don't know. The fact is that you have to have an abortion by the sixth month, and that doesn't leave me much time."
"I don't know anything about abortion. But the fact that you haven't been able to have one so far, could mean that the child is not destined to die. How many times have you tried to do it?"
"Four times, including today."
"Sara, will you promise me you won't try any more?"
"No. You'd have to give me a good reason and then... What you've said me is poetical but isn't a good reason."
"Can you just give me a few days?"
"Possibly..."
Neil came home.
"Norman, would you please come with me to buy something for lunch at the take away? I don't feel like cooking, this evening."
"I can cook if you want." Sara said immediately.
"No, thank you, not just now. Possibly tomorrow. Do you like Chinese food, Sara?"
"Yes, anything will do for me."
The two lovers went out. As soon as they were out on the street, both of them started speaking at the same time -- Norman to tell Neil about Sara's abortion attempt, and Neil to finally tell Norman about the lottery ticket.
Norman said with an apologetic smile, "You talk first, love."
So Neil told him that they had the winning ticket. He showed him the ticket and the newspaper clipping. He explained that he had made some telephone calls to get information on how to go about claiming the prize, and that they had an appointment to see a lawyer the following day, to have him take care of all the necessary procedures. Norman was so astonished that he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk holding the two pieces of paper, looking at them in disbelief.
"So then, we'll be able to buy our house!" he finally shouted, seized by an overwhelming euphoria.
"Sure, love, and we'll also be able to furnish it nicely, Are you happy?"
"Happy? And how! That little old woman was right, God bless her. We are rich, do you realize that? It's... incredible!"
"As soon as the lawyer gets the money, we'll deposit it in the bank. There's no rush. We need to be careful about how we use this money. Don't you agree?"
"Sure, Neil, whatever you want. And we'll have a gem of a house. And... but I also have something to tell you, or rather to ask you."
"That's right, I interrupted you before. Tell me."
So Norman told him about Sara, then said, "Listen, Neil, promise me that you'll say yes to what I am about to ask you?"
"You want me to promise before you tell me what it's about? Then it must be very important for you."
"Yes, very much so, for two reasons."
"Is it about Sara's abortion?"
"Yes, that too."
Neil thought for a few moments then said, "I can't imagine what you want, but you know that I trust you. Therefore, alright, I'll say yes. But now, would you please tell me to what you've made me say yes?"
"Listen. Sara doesn't want to have her child but I don't want to help her to have an abortion. You've always wanted to have a child. So I thought that I want to give you a child -- mine, in a sense. I was thinking about suggesting to Sara that she marry me, so that the child would also be mine. Then, after the baby is born, we get a divorce and she would give me legal custody of the child. In this way, she won't be tied to her child any more, and as a divorced girl it will be easier for her to find a husband when she's ready to marry. And you and I have our child to bring up," Norman concluded, looking at Neil with trepidation.
"But... you've always said that you didn't want to have a child. Furthermore... we don't know whether Sara... and it isn't as simple as you've made it sound."
"You've said yes... and I would do anything to help you to have a child. Now I would be happy if we had a baby all our own -- to love, to bring up together, the two of us..."
"You are such a dear person, Norman. I've told you yes and I meant it. It's true that I'd love having a child at home. So I'll just say this -- we'll plan everything thoroughly, we'll try and consider every aspect carefully, but we'll try. Anyway, it remains to be seen whether Sara is willing. If she agrees, she'll have to live with us at least until the baby is born. Have you thought about that?"
"No, but it seems to me that it could be done. Even more so if we can now buy a house. Tomorrow, when we go to see the lawyer, we can also ask him his advice about this, can't we?"
"Alright, love. If we can pull it off... you will even have been able to give me a child... You are really incredible. I do love you so much."
"Yes, me too. But now let's go and buy the food or Sara will think we got lost."
"For the moment it's better not to tell her about the money and about the child, don't you think?"
"Sure, Neil. She told me anyway that perhaps she will wait for a few days... You won't be upset if Sara and I are married for a few months, will you? Anyway she knows that you and I are lovers. It would be just for the child..."
"No, love, don't worry. You sure are incredible -- how do you think up such ideas? But there is another possible problem -- how can we bring up the child if we're both working? The child cannot remain at home alone for hours, can it?"
"I've thought about that. When it's old enough, it can go to nursery school. Before that I could find an evening or night job, so that I can look after it during the day and you at night time..."
"But when would we be together? I'd rather give up having a child than not be able to spend time with you."
"Don't worry, we'll find time to make love... All couples with children have this problem and you can't tell me they don't manage to be together. There will be some sacrifices to make, but we'll get by, together."