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HOW WILL I GO ON ?
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The following fictional story deals with sex among males. If you are offended by such material, are too young, or reside in an area where it is not allowed, depart. Though not observed in this story, care enough about yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.
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"Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper." Larry Flynt |
| Ash Bradley | main character - We meet him at his partner Jacob's funeral in chapter 1 |
| Shaun Johnston | 10 years younger than Ash. They meet on the plane when Ash goes to San Francisco to visit friends and recover from Jacob's death. Shaun has been exiled by his family because he's gay |
| Patrick Maxwell | Longtime friend of Ash living in the San Francisco area. |
| Hunter Johnston | Shaun's uncle, estranged from the family because he's gay. Shaun has been "sent" to him in San Francisco. |
| Bryan Wright | Shaun's friend, lovers through their teen years until discovered. |
| Kevin | Ash met on return plane trip. Wouldn't you like to know more? |
How Will I Go On - Chapter 10 "MOM, I don't want to go this weekend! Jenny asked me over Saturday night. We were going to the all night retrospective of "Phantom of the Opera" at The Lyric in Blacksburg. They're playing eight different versions from the original 1925 to the most recent from 2020. It's going to be so hot! Having to go visit some old guy in the hospital will ruin things!" Sara was in her best whine mode this morning. Laughing to myself I had to wonder how I, Melissa Johnston, calm of mind and body, had managed to produce such a child from my loins? (Of course, I'd had some help from Jeremy.) I wasn't sure just how much I could take before my first cup of tea; I'm definitely not a morning person. Taking a sip of tea and a bite of my bagel, I pondered just what time of month it was for my suddenly moody daughter. No matter, she was going! I finished chewing, took a breath and made sure my temper was in check before I responded. "Sara, the whining isn't going to get you anywhere. You're fifteen and should know that by now. If you're having your period, that's something you need to learn to handle. Don't lash out at me. Talk to me calmly, and you'll get a lot farther. We're going this weekend, and for you it's not about the HOSPICE visit, not hospital, it's about supporting your father and the family. You're definitely old enough to grasp the concept that sometimes we do things because we have to, not because we want to. This weekend we are traveling to Baltimore and visiting because that's what your father needs to do. You know that his Grandpop Ash is at the Hospice and not doing very well." "BUT WE'RE NOT EVEN REALLY RELATED TO HIM!" she said in a high, shrill voice, almost a squeal. "SARA DANIELLE JOHNSTON" came out louder that I'd intended! "Don't you come down here this early and give me this whiney, complaining garbage, and especially don't talk about our family that way. You know we won't tolerate that. For your last comment you're grounded for the rest of the week. No TV, no phone, no computer, no friends over and no visiting friends. We didn't raise you to be so insensitive to other people. You need to think about what you just said. Part of life is having to live up to our responsibilities, and there are things you do for family even if you don't want to. Family doesn't have to be blood relations either, at least not in this family. Some day when you're older I hope you realize just how lucky you were to experience the diverse family you have. Now get to your room and get ready for school! When you get home this afternoon you can go up there and contemplate your life and family and maybe even get to appreciate the things we have because of the family. Right now I definitely don't want to see you until I see your behind leaving for school." After my first outburst my whole diatribe was delivered in little more than a whisper while standing almost nose to nose with my daughter. I stepped back and pointed, indicating to Sara that she was free to leave now. Turning, long hair swinging about her head, she stalked off. I had to shake my head and smile that little, inward, parental smile. Sara had managed to exit as only a female teenager could! I was just opening the paper and reaching for my tea again when Jeremy came into the room. He stopped, looking back over his shoulder, at the sound of a door slamming upstairs. Seeing my husband there in profile, his strong nose and wavy hair highlighted by the sun coming in from the window, made me realize how handsome he still was at 40. "I take it that the trip this weekend didn't go over too well with Sara?" "No...she had an invite to go out to a movie and then stay at Jennifer's. That's not going to happen now. I grounded her for the rest of the week for some comments she made." "About the trip or something else?" I weighed my options about what to tell him. My husband was a wonderful guy and came from an unusual background. I think he often wondered just how his daughter had managed to grow up with some of the thoughts and ideas she had. I personally think it's a lot of peer pressure, ending up with her being embarrassed for people to know that her "grandparents" are a gay couple. Jeremy and I had been over this before. "It's the same ol stuff, hon. She's fifteen and her friend's opinions mean a lot to her. I know that Jennifer's family doesn't believe in any gay rights. So Sara's struggling with our `family.' We both know that, while gay marriage has been legal in most states for years, it's still not completely socially accepted. I keep hoping that at some point Jennifer or someone in her family is going to make a comment that will make Sara really think about things and realize that her `friends' are narrow minded bigots!" I cringed inwardly at Jeremy's look of resignation. He loved his `fathers' dearly and the thought that his children saw anything wrong with two men being married bothered him. "I think I understand how she feels. I don't think we've ever really talked about it, but I had some rough times when I was 14 or 15. I said some unthinkable things to both my dads, but they never gave up on me. If anything they just tried more ways to show they loved me. It was granddad that finally got through to me." The look on his face told me that he was going to set some plan in motion. Good or bad we'd have to live with it. I'd learned in our 16 years of marriage that sometimes you just had to let my husband do what he was going to do and hope for the best. Both our thought processes were broken by Tim bounding into the kitchen. Our son was the polar opposite of Sara, at least for the moment. He hadn't gotten too far into puberty yet. "HI rents! How are you doing this morning?" he asked with a smile. He didn't wait for an answer before punching his breakfast order into the food dispenser. Looking at the Jethro Bodine sized bowl of cereal that emerged from the dispenser, I wondered where my son put everything he ate. Giving him an appraising look I figured we'd soon be making a trip to the stores for clothing and shoes. He was going to be tall like his father. His damp blond hair had gotten a bit darker but still wouldn't be called brown, a nice narrow nose and deep green/blue eyes and clear skin filled things out. He was dressed as usual...tee shirt, jeans hanging low on his hips showing a white band with FTL on it. Briefs this morning! I couldn't help but think the more things change the more they stay the same. Boys and their clothing was still a sticking point even in 2044. Feeling like my own parents must have, I marveled at the fashion changes that had taken place in my lifetime. Clothing had gone from tight to baggy, long hair, short hair, NO hair, sandals, long shorts, short shorts, androgynous dressing where you couldn't tell the boys from the girls. All things come back around! In an unusually open moment a little while ago he had discussed with his father the merits of different styles of underwear. Boys in general were in a boxer mode right now. At least for display! The interesting revelation from the discussion was that a lot of the kids wore boxers and a jock strap together. The boxers for show and the jock underneath because they still wanted the support. I know that Tim had been exposed to all sorts of underwear. Jeremy wears just about anything that can be classified underwear, and the kids had all seen them either on him (we didn't hide from the kids when we were changing) or seen what was in the laundry. When Tim had expressed curiosity, Jeremy actually took him to the store and bought him some variety. I wasn't consulted and was really surprised when I found a small thong in the laundry. When I asked Jeremy he explained what he'd done and had me laughing out loud when he told me that Tim had come to him later and told him the attention his underwear collection was getting from his friends. Seems that he'd been wearing a thong one night when he had decided spur of the moment to have a friend sleep over. Thongs had never caught on for most men. When they undressed for bed his friend, John, had naturally been surprised, laughing and wondering where Tim got the thong. Tim handled it nonchalantly and before the night was over John tried on all sorts of Tim's underwear. Since then other friends had seen the collection and Tim wasn't afraid to wear whatever he wanted. Most importantly of all, though, is that Tim isn't afraid to talk to his dad about anything. He's a good warm, friendly, open kid. It doesn't hurt Jeremy's feelings either that all the friends think Jeremy is a cool Dad. In the length of time it had taken me to wonder about my son's growth, both emotional and physical, he had fixed his cereal and sat down next to his father. "Tim, we're going to Baltimore this weekend to visit your great grandfather at the Hospice. If you had any plans you'll have to change them. I'm really sorry for the short notice son." "We'll be staying with the granddads?" "Sure...they're both looking forward to us visiting. It's been a few months." Grandpa Shaun says he's been practicing with the new PS7, and he's gonna, I think it was, `fry your butt'." "Cool...I love their place, and they always find something interesting to fill the time. He even said they were going to get some new PS7 games. Maybe the weather will be nice enough to take a hoverboat out on the harbor. When are we leaving?" `That's my son!' I thought. He's always easygoing and loves his grandfather. Course the PS7, and the possible harbor outing didn't hurt. That boy could wrap his grandfathers around his little finger. "Whatta ya think babe?" Jeremy asked. "Leave right after I get home Friday and get dinner on the road?" "Sounds good to me, sweetheart. Saves having to cook and clean up before we leave, and we'll get there before ten that way. By the way, your brother Jeff is coming." "Hey that's great! Haven't seen that brother of mine in a while. Is Tom not coming?" "I didn't think I had to specify!" Melissa laughed. "You know your brother and his partner never go anywhere without the other?" "I see your point!!" I laughed. "Well, except for the obvious reason for the trip, I'm really looking forward to this. I guess we're set then. All we have to do is tame the shrew!" Laughing at his own joke, Jeremy gave me a hug and kiss, kissed Tim, and left for work. The warm wet feeling at the head of my cock roused me slowly from my sleep. Opening my eyes slightly, I was treated to a view of Tom's crotch, hidden by the CK briefs he had worn to bed. My unencumbered member was an easy target for him. I never wore anything to bed while he, claiming he didn't like to hang free when he slept, always wore briefs or bikinis to bed. I didn't mind in the least. The sight of the cotton working to contain his generous endowment always thrilled me. The added enticement of seeing that cotton straining with his morning wood definitely got my engine running. As he continued to work over my glans, probing gently into my piss slit occasionally, I reached to pull him closer. Working up a good mouthful of moisture, I went to work on his rod, quickly making the cotton transparent. His mouth soon moved to cover my cock, his tongue working around its pronounced flange before he moved to engulf me fully. I still shivered when he took me balls deep. I always enjoyed the command he had over my cock and secretly was saddened that I had never been able to take him as effortlessly as he could me. Wetting a finger in my mouth, I moved my hand to his briefs-covered butt, working it under the waistband and sliding it down to his waiting opening. A few circles to lightly moisten things and my finger slipped easily into his depths. As we quickly moved toward release, his finger entered my ass and sought out my nut. Sucking and stroking we became a well-coordinated pair, rushing toward release. He went over the top first. I felt him stiffen, his sphincter tightened on my finger and I was rewarded with his essence. He actually came strongly enough to shoot through the cotton briefs and onto my tongue. As his spasms subsided I clamped my lips on his cockhead and sucked hard, drawing every drop of cum that I could from him. Returning to reality, he went to work again on my cock. That, combined with a solid stroke to my prostate, had me shooting in no time. I didn't realize that he hadn't swallowed my cum until he rose up for a kiss. He used his tongue to deliver a cum cocktail to me. We dueled with my load until he literally slurped it from my tongue and backed away. I didn't know exactly what was up until he grabbed my legs and threw them over my head. "Feeling frisky this morning big boy?" I laughed. His tongue plunged into my ass in response, working to deliver my own cum as lube. "You betcha, Jeffy!" he gasped before returning to his task. He knows I hate being called that, but with is tongue quickly back at my ass I was powerless to complain. In minutes I was hard again and writhing under his assault. "You ready?" "God yes, please get your cock in there. I'm so wet I probably won't even feel it!" "You think so?" he questioned as he hovered over me, his cock barely scraping my asslips. "Just do it babe...let me have it...fast and hard!" "Why should I? You don't think it's big enough this morning. Maybe I'll just go shower." He actually got up from the bed and walked to the bathroom. "Get back here you bastard!" I laughed "Come and get me, slut!" he taunted. I bounded out of bed and entered the bathroom, not immediately seeing him. He grabbed me from behind and quickly had me bent over the counter. My eyes opened wide at the sight that greeted me. The mirror showed both of us, sweaty and flushed, him on my back, humping slightly. I was hard again, wet from his earlier blow job and leaking precum from his ass eating. Not only was I face to face with us in the mirror, but my nose was practically resting on a solid flesh colored dildo that looked like an exact copy of my lover's cock. With one arm on my upper back he picked up the dildo, rubbing it across my lips, encouraging me to suck it. As I slobbered on the toy being thrust in my mouth, I couldn't help but wonder where this was going. Not where the dildo was going, I was very sure about that, but where the whole scene was going. I knew that wherever it ended we'd both be drained. Soon my mouth was free as the dildo was moved to caress my crack. As it slipped lower and lower down, it gathered moisture from the precum he'd been depositing while he humped my crack. I could tell that it was slick and ready for use. As it was pressed to my cum lubed hole I instinctively raised up on tiptoe to avoid it. Doing so didn't prolong the inevitable. I felt the pressure increase, arching my back and uttering a ragged "aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" as, with one moderately fast shove, the fake cock was lodged deep in my ass. His body pressing against mine held the dildo in place as he started humping my crack. The pressure on my prostate was constant but not enough to bring me off. I tried working my cock against the countertop but couldn't get enough purchase to make it work. I was helpless as my lover used the dildo and his own motions to pummel my ass. Wrapping one arm around my chest he pulled me up and lessened the pressure on the dildo buried in me. "Drop it!" was whispered hoarsely in my ear. "Let that fake cock out of your ass, let me feel you push it out...I want to hear it hit the floor before I feed you the real thing!" With a strain I tried to expel the dildo, but he hadn't moved too far from my back, causing me to have to bend slightly and really push to get it moving. The wet plop of it hitting the floor sounded surprisingly sexy to me. Almost as soon as I heard the dildo hit, I felt his cock start to enter me. He was bigger around than the dildo and just a bit longer, so I felt every inch as it was pressed fully into my open channel. "Sweet ass, Jeffy baby. I always love being buried in you. Now I'm gonna get my nut!" And he did. He moved right into a fast pounding of my ass that was meant only to bring him off. Not two minutes later I could feel his cock harden more and hear his breathing change as he approached his cum. "Oh babe, so good...tighten that ass on my cock...milk me dry!" he slapped my ass cheek with one hand, hugged me tight with the other and suckled my neck as his orgasm started. His next quick, hard thrusts told me that six or seven shots of cream had been deposited in my clenching anus. The dribbles I could feel on my leg told me that it had been a voluminous cum. I didn't have to wait long to see what was next on the agenda. The cock in my ass was pulled quickly out and I was led unceremoniously into the shower. Pushed face to the wall, I was leaned over with my ass out, almost expecting another fucking, when I felt his hands spread my cheeks and his mouth plunge onto my gaping hole. Tongue fucking me and sucking for all he was worth. He soon cleaned my ass of the warm cum he had deposited there. Spinning me around, he quickly engulfed my cock in his warm, slimy, cum-filled mouth, his fingers probing for and finding my loose hole. The feeling of his mouth filled with cum, coupled with the fucking and the fingers he was pushing into my ass at the moment had me screaming as bullets of cum shot from my cock. So intense was my orgasm that I was being held and hugged and the shower had been turned on before I realized what was happening. "So Jeff, babe, think that will hold you for the weekend?" he asked. "God yes Tom, that might hold me for the week! I wondered what had gotten into you. I'd forgotten that we're going to see Dad and Grandpop this weekend. Guess this will have to hold us until we return." As an afterthought I put on my best evil grin and asked. "Unless you think you think you can keep quiet while I fuck you in the guest room at Dad's...with Jeremy and Melissa next door and the kids in the family room?" Tom gave me a look and grin that told me he was considering it. When will I ever learn? "I figure that if we leave right after work we should be there by 8, barring any worse than usual traffic on I95. I talked to Melissa yesterday. They'll be getting in about 10, so we'll all be there for the weekend. It should be fun, it's been a while." "That's great! We haven't seen Jeremy and Melissa and the kids for too long. I'm looking forward to seeing them all; I just wish the occasion was nicer." "Can't be helped babe! I'm glad we'll all have a chance to see him." "Me too!" The pounding spray from our old fashioned water shower felt wonderful. Keeping this instead of installing a new, dry wave, sonic shower had been a good choice when we renovated the house. Of course, my primary reason for leaving it was that I couldn't stand making too many changes to Jacob's original renovations, no matter how long ago they'd been done. Changing the house after Bryan and I had bought it from Ash just seemed like it would hurt him, and we could never do that. We finished our shower quickly, both of us washing and drying the other gently but efficiently. Years of practice comes in handy. "Bryan?" "Yeah Shaun?" "You know I love you don't you? More and more every day, even after all this time." "Hey...yeah babe! Every time I look at you I know!" Bryan said, moving to wrap his arms around Shaun in a warm embrace, not knowing what had brought on this emotional question. "Bryan, I hate what's happening, but I'm so glad you're here so we can go through it together." Shaun sobbed. "Oh, Shaun, you know I'll always be by your side. Thick or thin, good or bad, whatever the words of our vows were, I meant every bit of it." Shaun had always been more emotional than I, so I knew that things were tough on him right now. We held each other in a tight embrace for long moments before either of us spoke again. Then I said, "Shaun, we have time this morning, why don't we stop at the hospital before we go to work?" "Thanks Bryan, I'd like that. We can tell Ash that the kids are coming for the weekend. I think he'll like that." Over the years I have come to realize that Shaun and Ash are connected on some "other" level. I hope that their connection would help them both through the current events. The soft whirring and beeping of medical equipment greeted us when we pushed open the door of Ash's room. The nurse on duty had told us that he'd had a good night and been awake earlier, but he slept quite a bit because of the medications and we didn't want to wake him if he was sleeping, so we entered quietly. "Hi boys! Come on in." Ash said as he reached unsteadily for the oxygen mask that was covering his nose and mouth. We both knew that he hated the thing but the small nostril inserts had started to irritate his nose, so the nurses had put an old fashioned mask on him. Obviously he was awake! For almost 70 Ash looked pretty good. His hair was still full, although mostly white, and his eyes were bright and clear. Shaun went forward and leaned down for a hug and kiss. When he moved back I did the same. As I stood Shaun approached the bed from the other side. He reached to replace the oxygen, because he knew that Ash wouldn't on his own. "Leave it for a bit, Shaun. I hate the damn thing and want to talk to you boys. I don't get to talk to people much right now." Shaun let the mask settle on Ash's neck, where it was handy, and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking Ash's hand in his own. As I watched the interaction of the father and son, for that's what they were in everything but actual blood, the 40 years that had passed since I had first met Ash Bradley faded away and I saw the two as I had first seen them. |
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| Ash Bradley | Ash and Dad | Incest | Jun 6, 2003 |
| How Will I Go On | College | CURRENT | |
| Evan Bradley | Ambush | Highschool | April 19, 2003 |
| Rubbing My Face in Hawk | Adult Friends | May 31, 2003 | |
| Tylers Take Down | Adult Friends | May 18, 2003 | |
| The Crew | Adult Friends | Oct 23, 2004 | |
| Tim Mead | Dr Tim and the Boys / Tim and the Guys |
College | last posting Sept 30, 2004 |
| Out of the Night | Adult Friends | last posting Jan 8, 2004 | |
| du Temps Perdu | College | Jul 30, 2003 | |
| B & G | College | CURRENT | |
| The Bench | Encounters | Oct 17, 2004 | |
Campus Scenes |
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| Beautiful Music | College - Campus Scenes | March 7, 2004 | |
| Billy Budd | College - Campus Scenes | July 11, 2004 | |
| Placet | College - Campus Scenes | July 26, 2004 | Mickey S. | Billy and Danny | College | last posting Jan 3, 2005 |
| Sandy Hook | Authoritarian | Dec 4, 2003 | |
| Wet Mothers Day | Encounters | July 27, 2002 | |
| Dude | Encounters | May 17, 2002 | |
| Palm Springs Weekend | Encounters | June 21, 2002 | |
| Twin Reality/Twin Fantasy | Incest | June 19,2002 | |
| Rough Fuck | Encounters | May 27, 2002 | |
| Fun at the Laundromat | Encounters | Jun 9, 2002 | |
| Twin Fuck | Encounters | Jul 1, 2002 | |
| Man in Black | Authoritarian | May 24, 2002 | |
| Tony and Me | Authoritarian | May 9, 2002 | |
| No Longer a Virgin | College | May 31, 2002 | |
| The Wall | College | May 20, 2002 | |
| What I Wasn't Looking For | Authoritarian | Sept 2004 Added |
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| Grove Street | Encounters | Oct 5, 2004 Added |
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| Guest of Honor | Authoritarian | Nov 14, 2004 Added |
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| Hypnotize Me | Beginnings | Feb 1, 2005 Final |
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| Summer at the Shore | College | CURRENT | |
Tales from the reservation |
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| Discovery | Encounters | May 13, 2002 | |
| Fantasy Gang Bang | Encounters | May 14, 2002 | |
| Big Dick and Poppers | Encounters | May 19, 2002 | |
| The Reservation | Encounters | May 20, 2002 | |
| Friday Afternoon | Encounters | May 25, 2002 | |
| Play Ball | Encounters | Jun 2, 2002 | |
| Straight Blow Job | Encounters | Jun 7, 2002 | |
| Latin Thong | Encounters | Jun 19, 2002 | |
| Group Suck | Encounters | Jul 7, 2002 | |
| Sunday Morning | Encounters | Apr 26, 2004 | |
| Patrick Young | Clay | Beginnings | July 22, 2003 |
| Tom Wyatt | TNT Files | Adult Friends | May 28, 2003 |
| Slave To Love | Authoritarian | Jan 4, 2004 | |