Date: Fri, 26 Aug 2016 00:49:34 -0700
From: catbughug@gmail.com
Subject: I Wasn't Enough

    I was sitting in the dimly llitit restaurant waiting in the corner for
the man I love and was hopeful going to grow the courage to propose to
tonight after trying for so long. I loved him so much he's helped me grow
so much into a more secure person after all these years.

       I saw him walk in and he was gorgeous like always. He looked at me
and smiled but he didn't look happy. Maybe he knew my plan?  Maybe he will
say no? All these questions. Ugh.

   "Hi babe" I told him "why the long face? Was work hard today something
happen?" I asked reaching to hold his hand but he pulled back. Why did he
do that did I do something wrong did he find out I wanted to propose and
wanted me to wait? I would wait for him.

 Forever if he wanted I loved him. So many thoughts went through me through
this one rejection. " Harry I love you so much." He said but looking at me
with sad eyes. What was wrong? "I made the biggest mistake of my life.i
cheated on you." I looked at him hoping I wasn't showing how shocked I was
I felt like I just imploded all my emotions were just sucked in not out. He
cheated on me. He cheated on me. I looked at him and he looked so sad. Even
now after telling me how he has betrayed me I want to make HIM feel better
and not sad. I was such a fool after all this time I was right. I wasn't
good enough. I was stupid to think someone as beautiful as him could love
me. Insecure and mediocre looks me . I felt I might break down any second.
I felt for my coat and felt the box in it I my lap. I saw a glimpse of what
our future could have been in it. I got up opened the box and saw the ring
I had saved up for so long for and just placed it in front of him. I left
without looking at his expression I felt I was going to fall apart at even
the slightest touch.

   . I got out of the restaurant with my coat and just started walking, for
what felt like forever and eventually sprinting. I arrived at the park that
was to be our next stop after dinner without realizing it. This park held
many memories of us and my favorite when he said I love you. I broke down.
Now sobbing with my whole body I leaned against the tree. I'm overreacting
probably but I always did love the drama Maybe that's a reason he did it. I
felt like a if part of my life was a lie after 7 years of love I learned it
was a lie he didn't love me or he wasn't happy with me. I thought we were
perfect. I stood there leaning against the tree with my head eventually
kneeling in front the sitting. Thank god it was a warm summer night I would
have frozen already. I leaned against the tree and just look at the foliage
And lights how beautiful it would have been if I had proposed to him here
where he said I love you and made me feel the least insecure in my life but
now I feel the most. I feel like every wall he and I worked to destroy got
rebuilt splitting us apart again. This time though it was permanently up we
were over and I died a little inside. I want to think that we came make it
work but seeing my mother and friends go through cheating partners I know
it's impossible. I would love him forever but I could never be with him
again. I sat there for a long I know time just reminiscing and crying and
waiting but for what nothing will change. Then I felt someone come up to me
I looked up and it was Bertrand still as beautiful as ever with red eyes
obviously crying. I looked at Him wanting to hold him.

"I'm sorry Harry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me I love you. It meant
nothing. It was a mistake. I don't know how it happened." He said sobbing.
" I love you so much please forgive me. Idk what I was thinking. But please
forgive me don't leave us behind we can still have a whole future
together." He held out the box giving it to me. I felt so sick. I felt so
heart broken. I don't k ow why but I slapped his hand along with the box
away. "It's over. We are over." I looked at home feeling my tears run
down. "Please this any be over all these years. You love me don't you? We
can make this work. Do you not love me now?" He wept. How could he ask me
that? He knows how much I love him. How much I try to make him happy. " I
love you so much Berry." I said sniffling a bit " I love you so much it
hurts. I want to hold you right now and say we will be ok everything will
be ok but it won't be, it will never be, and it obviously was never
possibly going to be ok. I give you my all. I loved you through everything
since the moment we met but it wasn't enough. I was t enough . I didn't
love you enough." I sniffled " what are you talking about you are enough
you always were he said. " no I wasn't because you looked for someone
else. I didn't love you enough with all my might to fill your heart. You
needed more from someone else. If I already gave it my all then there's no
point. I can't love you more than what I already did. I gave it my all for
7 years and it still wasn't enough. This is over. Don't follow me. Don't
talk to me. I want you to know that I will never hate you I have already
forgiven you since the moment you told me. I love you with all my being but
it's over." I walked away. Leaving apart of my life behind forever.

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First time ever writing. Send me you constructive criticism. This will
probably not be the end and beginning of a story I'm writing another story
but this is just scene that I have been think about recently.