Date: Mon, 6 Jun 2005 13:10:02 EDT
From: JuilianJ@aol.com
Subject: REDEMPTION chapter 4 and 5

REDEMPTION
By: Julien

This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of
any person, place or thing.  It contains sexual activities between males
and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area.  Read at your
own risk and enjoy.  Comments are welcomed and would be very much
appreciated.  Thanks to all of you that took the time out to email me.  it
has been appreciated!  i look forward to hearing your comments on this
final installment.  J.


CHAPTER 4

This had been the tenth or eleventh time that he had seen the kid.  And
like all the times before, the kid was looking at him intently.  He was
dressed decently in a black turtle neck,
 black leather jacket, tight blue jeans that actually looked pressed, and a
red baseball cap.
 When he saw Mike coming, he pushed himself off of the wall that he had
been sitting on and walked towards him.

Mike admitted to himself that he was intrigued and refrained from running
the other way.  And as he approached the entrance to a deli, the kid fell
in step beside him and opened the door for him.

"Thanks kid." he stated, stepping in and watching out of the corner of his
eye as the kid followed behind him.

"You're welcome stud.  Wanna give me your name?"

"No."

"Come on man, we're basically mind fucking each other every time we meet.
The least you can do is give me a name.  I want to know what name to call
out in the throes of orgasmic pleasure."  he smiled at Mike and arched an
eyebrow.

"Mike, ok, it's Mike.  now will you leave me alone?"

The kid grinned and shook his head.

"I've seen your boyfriend around and I have to say you can definitely do
better.  You don't strike me as a snob."

Mike stopped in his tracks and turned around, "there is no one better than
Ben.  He's the greatest guy there ever was and he is not a snob."  And
saying that, he wasn't sure who he was trying to convince more, himself or
the kid.

"Whatever you say Mike.  It's just that I want to get to know you.  Is that
a crime?"  The kid smiled seductively and stared intently at Mike.

"I'm taken kid.  I have a lifetime partner.  We're monogamous.  We're in
love, and I don't fuck around."

The kid held up his hands in mock defense

"I understand man, just sucks, cause I like you a lot."

"You don't even know me man."

"True, but I could, if you gave me half a chance.  You'd see how much fun I
can be."

Mike laughed, "I'm sure I'll see how much fun you can be."

"Well don't knock it till you've tried it.  But seriously, what would it
hurt to talk to me for a few, get to know me.  There'll be no fucking, I
promise."  He smiled on that last count, and for the first time in a long
time, Mike found himself laughing along.  He knew deep down that this kid
was trouble, but ignored his intuition, taking the kid's number and
reluctantly promising to call.

Of course that was an impossibility when Ben was around, but a month later,
he left on a two week business trip and that gave Mike the perfect
opportunity to lose his mind.

He had called the kid the day after Ben had left and had agreed to meet him
at a coffee house on the Lower West Side.  He didn't know what he expected
to happen, but he knew that he couldn't simple dismiss the kid.  Not at
this point anyway.  It was as if every time he closed his eyes, the kid's
face would pop into his head.




Shaking all those thoughts out of his head, Mike walked into the coffee
shop and took a seat at a booth near the window.  A waitress walked over to
him and poured him a cup of coffee and handed him a menu.  As he scanned
the back page, the jingle of the doorbell rang and he looked up, his eyes
meeting the kid's, who gave him a wide smile and walked over to him, taking
the seat opposite him.

"Waiting long?"  He asked, removing his scarf and jacket.

"No, I just got here like two minutes ago."

The kid nodded and signaled to the waitress that he needed coffee.

"Steve."  He then stated, looking intently at Mike.

"What?"  Mike questioned.

"My name is Steve or Steven.  We've been 'seeing' each other all these
weeks and it just occurred to me that I never gave you my name nor did you
ask."  And if as an afterthought he added, "you're not afraid to be seen
here with me are you Mike?"

His smirk was infectious and found himself smiling as well.

"No, I'm not afraid of being seen with you and I'm not afraid of you.  I
know you think I am but I'm not."  And even though he wasn't so sure of his
statement, he didn't want to give Steve the impression that he had one up
on Mike.  Mike had been where he had been once upon a time and he knew all
about that swagger and confident strut guys like Steve acquired from the
tricks of the trade.

"I never thought it."  Steve stated just as the waitress came over with a
steaming pot of coffee.  She poured some into his cup and handed him a menu
before walking away and leaving the two alone.

Mike noted that Steve's' eyes never left his own and he found himself
coming undone.  He knew he was playing with fire by encouraging these
interactions but he couldn't seem to help himself.  He admitted to himself
a while back that he was attracted to the young kid and that a small part
of him wondered what it would be like to be with someone who was more down
to earth and less high maintenance, someone the opposite of Ben.  Don't get
it wrong, he did love Ben, but sometimes, he yearned for the feel of
normalcy, something he had acquired when he had begun to live with Walter
and Chris.

And as soon as he realized he had thought about Walter and Chris, he shook
those thoughts out of his head and averted his gaze from Steve.  What the
hell was he doing?  This kid was a hoar and he wanted to fuck Mike.  He
probably hoped that Mike was loaded and planned to blackmail him to keep
quiet.  How could he be so stupid as to entertain this distraction, and for
what?  A ten minute fuck?  He hurriedly drank the last of his coffee, threw
a few bills down on the table, and begun to put on his coat and scarf.  The
kid gave him a puzzled look and begun to follow suit.

"Where are we headed?"  He asked nonchalantly.

"We are not going anywhere Steve.  I think we need to stop this before it
goes any further."

"What?  What are you talking about?"  The puzzled look on the kid's face
was priceless and it reminded Mike of himself many years ago.

"Look Steve, you're a nice kid and all but you fuck for a living and I'm
not interested in being a client ok.  I have a man who would kill me if he
knew what I was up to while he's out of town.  And as much as you think you
can turn me out, it's not going to happen.  We're just not on the same
level and I'm not going to put myself in a compromising position just for a
few minutes of pleasure just for you to blackmail with it later."

And it was as if the kid had been punched in the stomach.  His face
contorted from confusion to anger in under two seconds.

"You know what, I don't know why I convinced myself that you were not a
snob because you clearly have that bug up your ass!  For your information,
I was not trying to fuck myself into your wallet.  If I wanted to fuck
someone for money, I could have my pick ok.  I was just trying to be
friendly with you because I thought you were a nice guy but obviously I was
wrong.  Thanks for the coffee."  And with that, the kid got up and started
walking towards the door, pulling it open angrily and storming out.

Mike sighed loudly and put his head in his hand.  He hadn't expected that
reaction from the kid and it made him feel like the biggest asshole there
ever was.  He didn't mean to come off as harsh as he did but he didn't know
of any other way to get the kid to back off.

He lifted his head and looked across the booth seat and noticed a black
billfold resting on the plush ruby leather covering of the seat.  He
reached across the seat and picked it up.  Opening it up he saw a few
hundred dollars inside and a photo id with Steve's picture on it, as well
as NYS drivers' license.  He noted the address as one close to the coffee
shop and made the decision right then and there to return it, and hopefully
rectify the situation.  He stood, zipped his jacket and walked out of the
coffee shop.





"What?  You surprised I don't live in a dump?"  The question was meant to
be a jab at Mike but it went over his head as he took the time to admire
the studio in which he now stood.  It was beautiful and very homey.

"This is...wow...it's great.  Those paintings, who painted those?"  He
finally averted his eyes from the picture of a crying little boy in the
embrace of his mother, to look at Steve.

"I did.  It was a long time ago.  That was me and my mother, or what I
thought she looked like.  I never met her."  His voice was somber as he
said it and this time, the meaning of his words did not go over Mike's
head.  He knew what it was like to not have a mother, after all, he had a
mother who didn't care and to him she was as good as dead.

"You're good.  The emotion just comes through so well.  You must have been
so young when you painted that."

"Fourteen.  My foster mother had a whole room full of paint supplies and
she'd let us use them whenever we wanted to.  It usually kept us out of
trouble."

Mike turned to look at Steve, "You grew up in a foster home?"


"Yeah, since I was about three."

"I used to live on the streets."  The admission surprised Mike, but unlike
the times before, he wasn't interested in suppressing the truth.

"When?"

"When I was about fifteen.  My parents divorced and I got shuttled around a
lot till I decided I didn't want to live with either my mom or dad.  They
didn't even notice I was gone.  I stayed in a shelter for a few months then
I met someone who was nice enough to take me in."

"I'm glad.  The streets are a tough place to be.  When I started working
them I got taken advantage a lot cause I didn't know the rules and all
that, but I've adapted, you know.  And I don't plan on being out there
forever either.  I figured that over the past four years I've saved enough
to put myself through art school and after that, who knows."

"Well what about rent.  Who pays for all of this?"

Steve grinned and arched an eyebrow.

"A wealthy benefactor who shall not be named.  Let's just say that I trade
services for goods.  He's a decent guy and he understands our arrangement.
I get a nice place to stay and whenever he's in town, we hook up.  It's
kinda like having a real boyfriend except there's no real emotion involved.
It's a way to live, you know.  But I wouldn't expect you to understand all
that.  You have your perfect boyfriend, and probably a perfect condo, and a
perfect life.  In fact, I'm surprised that you'd lower your standards to be
seen with me in public knowing what I do for a living."

His comments stung Mike but he didn't say anything.  He deserved it and he
sure as hell was living up to Steve's view of him, so who was he to cry
foul.

"I'm sorry.  I have no right to judge you.  It's hard to get out of the
persona, you know.  And I do understand.  You do what you have to in order
to survive.  There's nothing wrong with that.  I misjudged you, and for
that I'm sorry."

Steve's expression softened.

"I know you have a man already but if it's ok with you, I'd like to be your
friend.  I'm a bit short on those."

And Mike found himself uttering an answer without having to think about it.
He felt a connection to Steve and no matter how many reasons he gave
himself to end things right here and now, he found an almost unprecedented
number of other reasons to give the kid a chance.  Maybe it was their
similar past or the fact that Steve wasn't Ben.  No matter the reason
though, he felt the strong urge to have this man in his life and the only
way out of it was by giving in.

"No problem, friend."










It had been almost two months since their argument and Walter was still
unable to break through the barrier that Chris had put up.  It was as if
Chris wanted nothing to do with him.  He had tried his best to get Chris to
believe that he had been faithful, but his partner was not having it,
telling Walter that he didn't listen to liars.  He had practically moved
out of their shared bedroom and had taken up residence on the futon in the
guest room.  And beyond the obligatory good morning and good night,
conversation had all but halted.  Walter was in turmoil and wrestled with
whether or not to risk what was left of his relationship in order to set
the facts straight.  He had gone over every scenario possible in his head,
but none saw him winning Chris back.  In fact, no matter which way he
sliced and diced the truth, he always saw Chris packing his bag, calling
him sick, and walking out.

Robert who had known Walter since he opened his company, and Dave who had
known him since college, had both encouraged him to tell Chris the truth,
if not for himself, then for his piece of mind.

"I don't know how you've been able to keep this from him for the past
fifteen years man.  You should have just been upfront with him about it
back then.  I'm sure he wouldn't have cared."

Walter had scoffed at the idea, "sure, I'm sure he wouldn't have minded.  I
could have just said, "Chris, honey, when I was 21 I almost killed a kid
because I found out he was a prostitute and was threatening to send
pictures of us fucking to my father".  I'm sure that would have gone over
real well with him Dave.  You forget what Chris used to do before we met.
God, do you know how many damn times he's told me he's been attacked,
beaten, almost raped, and you expect me to tell him I inflicted the same
injury on another kid just like him?  He would never forgive me for that,
and I will never forgive myself for that.  That kid almost died because I
couldn't face my father about my sexuality.

Dave had sighed then.

"The kid has forgiven you Walter.  He's trying to get the courts to reduce
your probation.  If he can forgive you, why can't you forgive yourself and
trust Chris to forgive you.  You've done a lot for that kid.  Don't you
trust him to do the same for you?"

And even though he knew that Dave had his best interest at heart, Dave did
not know Chris.  He didn't understand the amount of shit that Chris had
been through.  But Walter knew, and he felt Chris's pain.  And he would
rather kill himself than put Chris through anymore pain.  That was his job,
to be Chris' protector, and he took the job seriously.

And that was why he continued to stay quiet after everything had
transpired.  He figured that Chris would be able to forgive an imagined
affair than a real life attempted murder.

He broke out of his thought as the front door opened and Chris walked in
with a bag full of groceries.  Walter's face automatically produced a frown
as he realized that Chris had done the week's shopping without him.  All
the years that they had been together, they had always done the big grocery
shopping together.

"You need some help hun?"  He asked walking over to Chris, but was quickly
rebuffed when Chris walked past him, struggling with six bags and not
acknowledging Walter's presence.  Chris's actions hurt Walter but he
refused to let his emotions show.

"How long are we going to keep this up Chris?  I love you and I don't know
what else you want me to do to prove that to you?"

Chris did not turn around as he responded with, "Tell the truth then.
That's all you have to do for things to go back to the way they were.
You're the one doing this to us Walt.  You!  Not me!"

"I am telling the truth.  I told you about Dave, about our relationship,
everything."

Chris just laughed and turned to face Walter, his eyes glazed over,

"You think after fifteen years I wouldn't know when my partner is lying
from when he's telling the truth?  You think I'm stupid?  I know you Walter
and I know you're lying and I know it involves another man and I want the
truth.  If we don't have honesty, then we don't have anything."

Walter didn't know what to say so he just stood rooted to the spot, not
quite catching Chris' eye.  And it was as if that was all Chris needed to
convince himself of Walter's guilt.

"I wasn't gonna do this but I can't live like this anymore.  I don't trust
you anymore and it hurts because you're the only family I have.  You're the
only man that I've loved and I thought you felt the same way but I guess I
was wrong."

"Chris..."  Walter started and stopped for Chris put up his hand, signaling
that he wasn't finished.

"I think it would be best for now if I moved out, got my own place.  I'm
not breaking up with you but I need time by myself to think.  I've been
looking at apartments in the city and I think I've found one that's
reasonable priced."  When Walter didn't say anything, he continued,

"I'm hoping that after some time, we can get back together and things will
work out, but if not....Damn Walt, why are you making me do this?  Don't
you see I don't want to do this?"

By this time, tears had sprung to Chris' eyes and had started to fall down
his face.

"I've told you everything that there is to know about me.  You know I
fucked for money.  You know the number of guys, the positions, you know all
that shit!  Fuck!  I have told you every single embarrassing shit that has
happened in my fucking life so why can't you trust me!  Don't I deserve
that from you?"

"Yes."  Walter whispered, his own eyes starting to water.

"Yes, you deserve that and so much more but I'm afraid.  I'm afraid if I
tell you what's wrong, you'll walk out on us and this relationship and that
you'll hate me Chris.  And while I could survive if you walked out, I could
never live with the fact that you hate me."

Walter used both his hands to wipe away his tears but it was useless.  They
kept coming and showed no sign of letting up.

Chris walked up to him and took both of Walters hands into his, caressing
them.

"Walt, have I ever walked out on you?"  Chris questioned.

"No"

"Have I ever made you feel as if you were never enough for me?"

"No"

"Have I ever made you feel as if you couldn't trust me with anything?"

"No"

"The why won't you trust me with this?  What could be so damned important
and sacred that you're willing to sacrifice my leaving for it?"

"You don't understand."

"Well make me understand.  Make me understand babe, please."  Chris
pleaded, lifting Walter's hands to his lips.

And it took for that simple gesture to get Walter talking.  He left nothing
out as he told Chris about that balmy night in 1978 when he almost ended
the life of a seventeen year old kid.  He told Chris about meeting the kid
in bar in Westchester and about them having sex in a car park near a
highway.  He told him about the kid's request for money and his surprise at
finding out the kid was a prostitute.  He told him about the kid
recognizing him as the son of a popular Texan lawmaker and threatening to
go the press about their liaison.  he told him about the gun he kept and
how in the midst of panic he told the kid to keep his mouth shut or else,
how the kid had laughed and kicked him in the stomach, and how he had took
out the gun, pointed it at the kid.  He told Chris how the kid had grabbed
the gun and how it had gone off, hitting him in the stomach.  He told him
how in panic he had driven the kid to a hospital, left him on a pavement
and drove off.  He told him off being arrested, tried and convicted, as
well as spending seven years in prison.  He told Chris off coming out and
trying to get his life together, choosing to work with the homeless, many
of them prostitutes.  And he told Chris of trying to get his probation
reduced and that part of his life done and over with.  He told Chris all of
this, not looking directly at him and waiting for him to do the inevitable.
He expected Chris to pack his bags and leave, never to look back.  But
Chris did none of that.  At the end of Walter's story, he pulled him close
and wrapped his arms around his partner, holding him tight.

"Oh Walt, we all make mistakes.  You made a mistake twenty six years ago
and you paid for it.  How could you ever think I would hate you for that?
You tried to help that kid.  You did the right thing."

"But I could have killed him.  That could have been you Chris.  That could
have been Mike.  That could have been you.  I tried to kill another human
being because I was a coward.  How can you ever forgive me for that?"

Chris pulled himself away from Walter and lifted his chin so that his eyes
focused on Chris.

"Because you've learned from your mistakes.  You've made good Walt.  Look
at what you've done for yourself and for others.  You helped us out at the
center as well as countess other teens who were in the same position as us.
You help out at the center today whenever you have a free moment and you
give as much as you can financially.  You also keep me focused and
dedicated when I feel like giving up.  That's why I can forgive you."

And it was as if a weight had been lifted from Walter's shoulders.  He
broke down and sobs racked his body.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."  Were the only words that he would say and
within a few minutes, when his sobs had subsided and his body had calmed,
he was finally able to speak clearly.

"Will you let me make it up you?"

Without even saying a word, Chris leaned in and kissed Walter's lips with
his own, answering his question and hopefully quelling any doubts that his
partner may have had.

And while Walter hadn't quite understood the inner workings of what had
just happened, he was content with it all.  And it made him realizes once
again why after all these years; he still loved Chris and only Chris.  And
how could he not.






      CHAPTER 5

It had been five months since he had started seeing Steve and he knew where
things were headed.  But despite knowing, he did nothing to stop it.  His
attraction to the kid had continued to grow and the bond they shared seemed
to become tighter especially since his bond with Ben continued to crumble.
Two months back, Mike had discovered Ben in a compromising position with
another man and was only offered the explanation of 'it just happened', but
he knew better.  Sex never just happened.  It was always a calculated move
where both parties weighed the pros and cons of going ahead with the
interaction.  And as many times before, he was sure that Ben thought that
he would understand and eventually get over it.

And surprisingly, he had, and fairly quickly at that.  He found himself
more upset with the fact that Ben and his bed partner had had sex in sheets
that Mike had just washed, rather than the fact that they had had sex.  And
he knew who was to blame for this sense of complacency.

Steve.

Despite being eight years younger than Mike, Steve was an intelligent man
who knew exactly what he wanted out of life and was willing to work hard
for it.  Since they had been friends, Mike knew for a fact that Steve had
cut back on the number of sexual partners he entertained, choosing rather
to sexually involved with only the man whose studio he occupied.  He had
found other interest which included selling his art on the street and
taking art classes at Parsons.  And of course, he made no bones about
wanting Mike to leave Ben.

"You know you're always welcomed to crash here till you get on your feet.
I know that Robin won't mind.  And you could put that degree of yours to
good use.  A lot of companies are looking for architects."

"I know, but why mess with a good thing.  With Ben, so many things are
possible."

"But are you happy?"

Mike never thought of that before.  He had always put the financial aspects
of living with Ben above the emotional ones.  Ben had money, Ben was well
bred, and Ben was a great provider.  But when it came to being rich in
emotions, consideration, and equality, Ben had failed miserable.  But you
couldn't live on emotions.  Considerations didn't buy food, and equality
wouldn't pay the rent.

"I'm where I want to be in my life."  He stated, looking over at Steve.  In
response, Steve shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the television,
and to the movie that they were watching.  Tired of being in the house when
Ben went away, Mike had taken to staying over at Steve's place on the
weekends.  They usually stayed in and watched a movie or went out for a
drink or to a club.  It was interesting to Mike to see how the other side
lived.  And he had to admit he liked it, a lot.  Last night, Steve had
taken Mike to bowling alley, where they met up with a few of Steve's
friends.  He was surprised that most of Steve's friends were successful
lawyers, business people, and Wall Street associates.  And he was surprised
at the ease at which they blended in with Steve.  Not once did anyone talk
about business, nor did they go into socialite mode.  It was just like a
normal Friday night out with the guys.  And when the evening came to an
end, they all shook hands with Mike and made promises to see both he and
Steve on Sunday for brunch.

"I just think that there's more to life than being pampered.  There's more
to you than Ben.  I mean, that was the whole reason why I came on to you
the way I did.  There was just something about you that I found so damn
attractive.  In fact, I still find you attractive.  And if you would just
give me a chance, I could show you that there is more to life than what
you've experiences so far."

Mike sighed and scooted closer to Steve on the couch.

"I'm with Ben Steve, you know that.  Why does this have to be so
complicated?  I like you and I like being your friend.  Can't you just be
satisfied with that?"

It was then that Steve turned to look at him.

"I would be satisfied with that if you weren't so hell-bent on hiding me
from your highness.  I mean we've been seeing each other for over five
month, and not once have you suggested I meet Ben.  What, are you afraid
that I'm going to embarrass you or something?  Am I not gentlemanly enough
for you?  Or is it the fact that you're afraid Ben will be embarrassed that
you're associating with a hoar?"

His words were harsh and reminded Mike of what Chris had said to him a few
months earlier.

"You're not a hoar ok.  It's just that Ben won't understand ok.  He's not
like other people, he's up there, his thinking is up there."

"In other words, he's an arrogant, snob who thinks the rest of us are
beneath him."

"It's not like how you're making it sound.  He can be a sweetheart
sometimes and he loves me."

"But not enough to accept your friends."

That shut Mike down and he turned to stare at the television once again.

"Oh Mike, I care about you so fucking much and I'd give anything to have a
chance with you but you won't let me.  Can't you see that to Ben you're
just a kept boy?"

And it was as if something in mike snapped.  He was tired of people telling
him what was good for him and what he did and did not deserve, and the
words were out of his mouth before he could even process them.

"And I'm sure you'd know all about that.  God knows how many dicks you've
sucked and fucked in your lifetime."

And it was as if I pin had dropped.  Not a sound could be heard in the room
except for the television.

Mike looked over to see Steve slumped in the couch, his face tight and his
eyes shallow.

"I can't believe you'd say that to me man.  I thought you were my friend."

"And I thought you were mine."

"So I guess that's how you feel about me huh.  You think I'm a hoar who has
probably fucked every gay man in NYC.  Well you know what, you're probably
right.  I've fucked and sucked a lot of guys in my time but at least it has
been on my terms.  And I bet that's something you can't say about your
perfect relationship with Ben.  You go around worshipping the guy like he's
your master or something and what have you got to show for it.  A penthouse
that's not in your name, clothes that you didn't buy, and a fucking
attitude that makes you out to be the biggest asshole that there is.  Well
you know what Mike, if that's the way you feel about me, then maybe you
shouldn't come around anymore.  I wouldn't want to embarrass you or
anything.  In fact, why the fuck don't you just leave."

And that's just what he did.  He packed his bags and without a look back,
he left. He tried to convince himself that it was for the best, that this
was what he wanted, but as he neared his building, he couldn't deny the
feeling of loss that had settled in his stomach.  If he were honest with
himself, he would admit his attraction to Steve.  And not only the physical
aspect of him.  Steve could hold his own with the best of them,
intelligence wise, and he was so damn talented.  But Steve was too much
like Mike for anything to ever happen between them.  Mike wanted to
distance himself from that lifestyle, and if he ever got involved with
Steve, he wouldn't be able to keep the early part of his life a secret.
And that was all this was about.  And while Steve and Chris may have been
ok with that part of their life, he was not.  And that was that.







TWO MONTHS LATER

He gripped Ben's shoulder tightly, as he slammed into Mike with more force
than passion.  They were fucking for the second time that day, but instead
of Mike controlling the speed by being on top, he was on his back, Ben
between his legs, pistoning his dick in and out of mike's ass as if it were
a race.  In fact, Mike was tempted to bite his nails but refrained.  It
would be such a hassle then, explaining to Ben why he wasn't moaning and
groaning like a man in the throes of pleasure.

Mike had not remembered Ben's love making being this bad when they had last
had sex a week and a half ago before Ben had left for Milan.  And even
though it hadn't been great, compared to this display, it had been heaven.

"Ben, honey, slow it down will you, I feel as if you're gonna break my ass
in two."

Ben lifted up his body and looked into Mike's eyes, a smile gracing his
face.

"Come on hun, God I missed you.  Bare with me a little bit."  And with
that, he continued with his assault.

Mike just closed his eyes and not surprisingly, Steve's face came to mind.
It had been two months since he had seen or heard from him.  Two months
that had been incredible lonely for Mike.  He had missed his friendship
with Steve and had thought many times, to pick up the phone and call.  But
every time he did, he thought of all the shit he had said to him and just
hung up.  Mike had come to realize that a big part of him wanted Steve,
wanted to take hold of all that he had to offer.  But another part, a
smaller part, was afraid to leave Ben.  Afraid to venture out on his own.

Ben's grunting and impending orgasm, broke him out of thought and put aside
all thoughts of Steve, for the moment.  Ben lifted himself off of Mike,
pulling out of his ass and got out of bed.

Mike watched as Ben walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind
him.  And it was then that he decided now was as good a time as any to test
the waters.  To test everyone else's theory of how Ben really felt about
him.

"Ben, I love you."  He waited for Ben to respond with something, anything.

"What was that hun?"

"I love you."

"You too hun."  And not surprisingly, Mike found that he wasn't upset that
Ben had not echoed his words.  He didn't care that Ben wouldn't say those
three little words, he didn't care that Ben had fucked him like a selfish
lover, and above all, he finally realized that he didn't care about Ben.
Not in the romantic sense anyway.

It was strange how simple the whole process had been.  That in that one
moment he was able to come to a conclusion that he should have come to
years ago.  He climbed out of bed and begun to hurriedly don his clothes.
When he was dressed, he reached into the closet and began to pull clothes
off of their hangers in record time, throwing them into a black suitcase.
And just as Ben walked out of the bathroom, towel around waist, he was
halfway down the hall and making his way towards the front door, reaching
it as Ben rounded the corner.

"Going somewhere?"  He questioned

"Yeah, I'm leaving Ben.  I can't play this game with you anymore."

Ben started to walk towards him but Mike told him to stop.

"Don't come any closer Ben, please.  I can't explain all of this to you
right now but I will, soon.  I just can't be here right now with you.  I've
had all these months to think about where my life is headed and I've
realized that since I've been here, it's been headed no where.  I'm not
happy Ben.  I'm not happy with the way I've been living and I'm not happy
with you.  You've done a lot for me for which I will be always grateful for
but I can't keep depending on you for everything.  Over the last few
months, I've been seeing a guy, a friend, and he's been so great to me.
And the thing is, we're really just friends.  He understands me and he
doesn't have all these expectations.  I think ...no, I know that I want to
develop something with him."

After his speech, Mike expected Ben to be angry, screaming and shouting at
him, telling him what a user he was, but to his surprise, Ben was calm as
ever and not the least bit upset.

"Well I can't say that I'm surprised Mike.  These past few months you've
been growing distant and now I know why."

"I never cheated on you Ben."

"I know you didn't.  Listen Mike, we were never exactly compatible to start
off with.  I mean you and I were never on the same level if you know what I
mean.  And as much as we tried to make it work, it didn't.  Its water under
the bridge and it's been that way for a while.  And I guess now would be a
good time as any to tell you I've been seeing someone else.  His name's
Reynard and I met about a year ago in Milan.  His father owns a chain of
hotels over there and he's a very successfully banker.  I think we mesh
well."

"Well I guess it's settled then."

"I guess it is.  No hard feelings?"

"No hard feelings."  And with that, Mike walked up to Ben and hugged him,
and planted a kiss on his cheek.  When they pulled apart Ben reached unto
the near by table and retrieved some money from underneath a vase, handing
it to Mike.

"Take it."

"No."

"Listen, please, just take it.  I've always given you money.  Just until
you get on your feet."

Mike nodded and placed the money in his back pocket, not bothering to count
it.  He shook Ben's hand, and with that, he walked out.

He didn't know what he was going to do but he knew where he had to go.  He
hailed a cab at the corner and gave the driver the address he had come to
know by heart.  And as the cab took off, he thought about what he was going
to say to Steve when he saw him.  'I'm sorry' just didn't seem to cut it.
He had virtually thrown away a good friendship for a life that didn't make
him happy.

"We're here buddy."  The driver's burly voice shook him out of thought.  He
paid the fare and exited the cab with his suitcase in tow.  And as he stood
in front of Steve's building, his heart seemed to be racing a mile a
minute.  He wanted to run, that was what he was good at.  He ran away from
home, he ran away from Walter and Chris, he ran away from his past, and
most importantly, he ran away from Steve, maybe the one guy, other than
Chris, who he could relate to.  But unlike those times before, he was not
going to run away again.  He pulled open the lobby door and stepped in.





"I'm surprised to see you here."

Steve's words held no life to them but then again, they didn't sound angry,
and for that, Mike was grateful.

"Yeah.  I just had to come see you and apologize for the shitty way I
treated you and your friendship.  I know I didn't always show it, but it
meant a lot to me."

When Steve didn't respond, he continued.

"When I left here, I was angry.  But not at you.  I was angry because I
guess the truth was hitting too close to home.  You weren't the first
person to give me a reality check and I guess I just didn't want to face
it.  But Steve, when I went back to Ben, your words just kept echoing in my
head and I couldn't get them out.  I wanted to so bad but I couldn't.  And
then this morning, it just hit me full force and I came to a realization."

"Which was?"  Steve had finally let his gaze settle on Mike, something
which made Mike uneasy but at the same time, reinforced the fact that he
had made the right decision.

"I'm not in love with Ben."

"Well I'm glad you came to that realization Mike, I really am.  But forgive
me when I say that I could really give a rat's ass.  And if you'll excuse
me, I have some packing to do."

It was then that Mike had a chance to take into consideration the boxes
that had littered the apartment.

"Where are you going?"  He asked anxiously.

"Away.  Away from this place, away from New York, away."

Mike could feel the color from his face fade.

"Why?"

"Why?  Because I do have other aspirations besides fucking, Mike.  And
contrary to popular belief, that won't be my lifelong career of choice.
Besides, the guy that loaned me this place has moved on to greener pastures
so..."

"I'm sorry, for everything.  Where are you gonna go?"

Steve shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe California or Florida.  I hear Florida
has some pretty good art schools.  And just maybe, I'll meet me a nice man
down there that isn't hung up on the fact that I fucked for money."

"Well I'm not hung up on the fact that you fucked for money."  And it was
as if the moment of truth had arrived.  It was now or never, "I mean, how
can I be hung up it when I did the same thing."

He looked in Steve's face, trying to gauge a reaction: anger, hatred,
anything.

"What?"

He took and deep breath and repeated himself, "When I was fifteen, after I
left my mom's house, I lived on the streets, and in order to survive, I
sold my body.  It was me and my friend Chris.  We did it for less than a
year before we wound up in a shelter on 111th street."

"Shit!"

"Yeah, so you see Steve, if you're moving away so you can find a man that
is not hung up on the fact that you fucked for money, you don't have to
move too far.  I could be that man for you."

"What are you trying to say man?"

Mike walked up to him and took both his hands in his own.

"I'm not in love with Ben but I am in love with you.  I don't know when it
happened, but it did.  And I don't want you to leave, because if you do,
I'll just have to follow you and this suitcase isn't exactly light."

By this time, Mike's hands were shaking.  He didn't know what Steve would
do or say and he was terrified.  For once, he had no place to go or no one
to turn to if Steve told him to fuck off and get out.

"Mike, I don't know what to say.  I mean as much as I want nothing more
than to try and make this work, I don't think I can offer you what you're
used to.  Shit man, I'm about to be homeless, jobless, and I don't have an
Ivy League education.  Why the fuck would you want to put yourself through
that?"

"Because...because I love you."  And even though it was hard to say, it
felt so right to say it.  And apparently, that was all that Steve needed to
hear, for he took Mike into his arms and held him close.

"I love you too."  He whispered, running his hand through Mike's hair.

"Oh geez man, I was so scared you would tell me to fuck off."

Steve chuckled, while continuing to caress Mike's hair.

"I was, but then I thought about what it felt like when you hadn't been
round for the last two months.  And shit man, I didn't want to go through
that again."

And that was all Mike needed to hear.  Steve knew about his past but still
loved him.  He still wanted to be with him.  No more words were exchanged
for that moment, but with Steve holding him like that, none needed to be.











And it had been a simple phone call that had gotten both men in the same
room after all these years.  Neither recognized the other but that still
didn't diminish the fact that there was still some deep seated animosity
between them.  And since he had called the meeting, Mike decided to be the
instigator.

"I'm glad you came Chris.  I'm surprised, but glad."

"Well I came just because Walter asked me to.  I really don't have much to
say to you man.  I don't even know you anymore."

'Fair enough' thought Mike.  After all, he was the one who had abandoned
their friendship, and he was the one that had said all those horrible
things about Chris and Walter.

"You're absolutely right.  And I appreciate you being here.  And I deserved
that.  After the way I treated you guys, I deserve every mean thing you
have to say to me.  But before you do, just let me get this off my chest."

When Chris didn't say anything, he continued.

"It took me meeting a special guy to get me going on the right track, but I
have.  He basically told me the same thing that you've been telling me
about myself.  That I've been a coward, and you both were right.  I've been
running away from my past, a past that I had no control over.  But I've
stopped running Chris.  I told this guy all about what we had to do as
kids, and I didn't leave anything out.  And you know what, he understood,
and he didn't judge me.  In fact, he told me that he loved me.  And he made
me realize that if I ever expect to move on from that point in my life, I'm
gonna have to face it.  I'm in counseling now and I am making progress.
But there is one part of my life that I have not begun to resolve, and that
was my relationship with you and Walter.  You guys did so much for me and I
shit on you, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry.  I don't expect you to
want to have anything to do with me after everything, but I hope, I hope
that you can forgive me."

And when Chris didn't respond, Mike took that as a defeat and begun to get
up from his seat, only to be pulled down by Chris.

"Wait, just wait a second.  I can't say that I've forgiven you cause I
haven't.  And it's going to take more than one meeting to do that, but I do
accept your apology.  You were such a big part of my younger life Mike, a
big part.  You were the little brother that I never had.  I tried to
protect you and do what big brothers do.  I did my best.  And I'm not
saying that this means that things are cool with us, cause they're far from
being cool.  All I'm saying is that for the sake of closure at the least, I
want to try and talk things out.  But I need time man.  I can't be buddy
buddy with you in an instant.  It's going to take time."

"I know man."  Mike whispered.

"Good.  But this is a start, and even though I might not be showing it, I'm
glad we're finally resolving this."

And that's where things were left.  Over the next few months they met,
usually briefly to talk, but this showed Mike that Chris was making an
effort to work with him.  Chris even invited him to dinner at his and
Walter's place, an invitation that Mike gladly accepted.  Over the next
year, things had progressed so well, that Chris had invited both Mike and
Steve to the reopening of the newly renovated center.

"Damn Mike, I'm glad you guys could make it."  Chris stated, grabbing Mike
into a bear hug.

"Thanks for inviting us man.  The place looks phenomenal."  And it did.
The center had added an extra wing which held up to fifteen extra beds, and
they were now able to hire a professional chef that churned out delicacies
instead of simple canned meats and vegetables.  They were still overbooked
but with the help of a nearby job bank, they were able to provide the
residents an opportunity to learn a trade free of charge and to hopefully
put the pieces of their lives back together.

All of this was made possible by an anonymous two million dollar donation.
Mike suspected he knew where the money had come from but never let on.

"Well we're about to cut the ribbon so you guys better grab a seat."  And
with that, Chris went to stand beside Walter, placing his arm around his
partners' waist, holding it tightly.

And while he sat, Mike couldn't help but think how far they had come.  They
had been through so much in their lives but had managed to make good out of
a bad situation.  Chris and Walter seemed happier than ever, having
recently taken a three week cruise through Europe.  Chris's center seemed
to be booming more than ever and financial donations poured in due to all
the positive publicity that it had been receiving.  Mike himself had
finally been able to leave counseling, having started to put his past
behind him after accepting it.  He and Steve had stayed together and had
been living together for almost a year and a half in an apartment on the
lower east side.  Steve had gone to parsons and his art had made quite a
stir in the community they had been living in.  A local gallery owner had
even featured his work free of charge and had sold many of his pieces for a
nominal fee.  Mike on the other hand had finally gotten his act together,
getting a job as an architect for a downtown construction company.  He was
making base pay but he was happy.  He had seen Ben twice since the breakup
and was surprised to see that he had somehow let go of his snobbish
attitude and had joined the 'little people' down on earth.  He was even
friendly with Steve, buying two pieces from him.

As for him and Chris, it had all started with them and it seemed to be
continuing with them.  They were closer than ever, spending at least one
night a week together.  And Mike couldn't imagine asking for anything more.
He had a partner who loved and accepted him, and a best friend who found it
in his heart to forgive and take him back.

Chris's booming voice broke him out of thought.

"Well I'd like to thank all of you for coming out on this cold to day to
celebrate with us, the reopening of this center.  This has been a staple to
this community and we've been through it all.  But what has kept this
center together has not only been the generous donations, but also the love
and support of the people who volunteer their time and energy here.  The
people who work to make these facilities clean, and above all, the people
in the community who care enough to come out and interact with the patrons.
You guys just by being here, make this reopening possible, and for that, I
offer my thanks to you.  The teens that come here offer their thanks to
you.  And without further ado, we will cut the ribbon."

And in front of a packed room, Chris cut the ribbon attached to the new
wing.  The crowd cheered and hollered, causing the floor to vibrate.  The
staff then begun to pass out food and beverages to all the attendees of the
ceremony.

And as Mike watched all of this from the comfort of his seat, He couldn't
help but feel blessed.  Yes, he was truly blessed.


THANKS ALL FOR READING 'REDEMPTION'.  I KNOW IT'S BEEN A
WHILE SINCE I'VE WRITTEN ANYTHING SO I DEDICATE THIS STORY TO
ALL OF YOU HAVE EVER READ ANYTHING I HAVE WRITTEN AND HAVE
SENT KIND WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT AND CONSTRUCTIVE
CRITICISM.  IT HAS BEEN APPRECIATED.  THIS IS FOR YOU.

J - COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED AND WELCOMED