Date: Thu, 3 Apr 2003 21:12:12 EST
From: JuilianJ@aol.com
Subject: the story of us part 20

THE STORY OF US
BY: Julien

This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of
any person, place or thing.  It contains sexual activities between males
and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area.  Read at your
own risk and enjoy.  Comments are welcomed and would be very much
appreciated.  ENJOY!

I would like to thank my editor Frank for doing such a great job on editing
- thanks a lot man...


BOBBY

"Debut at numero uno Bobby.  Damn!"  Laurence's voice resounded from behind
a newspaper and even though I should have been ecstatic, I wasn't.

"Yeah." I replied.

He lowered the paper and looked across at me, "What's the matter Bobby?
Since when are you not excited about making number one on the pop and R&B
charts?"

"I'm happy, I just don't see the big deal."  I stated.

"You don't see the big deal?  YOU DON'T SEE THE BIG DEAL!  You must have
knocked your head man.  This is what we've been after all along - a cross
over album and 'you don't see the big deal'.  Damn, I'm speechless."

"No, this is what YOU'VE been after all along.  I coulda cared less if it
crossed over or not."

"Since when?"

'Since Richie', I thought but instead said, "Since now, who gives a damn if
it crosses over or not."

"You should care.  After all the time and energy you devoted to this, you
should care."

He was right, I knew he was right but I didn't speak up.  Instead I chose
to let the silence settle and then he said, "I don't know what the hell is
eating at you and frankly I don't think you want me to know.  All I'm gonna
say is that maybe now is the time for you to take an extended break.  Take
this woman you've been talking about away somewhere..."

The 'woman' I had been talking about was indeed Richie and I had neither
admitted nor denied that she was actually a he, I just let him think
whatever came naturally.  And thinking back to what I had said back then
and what was happening now only served to make me realize how fucked how
things really were.


It must have been two months after we had gotten together, two months after
that first night at my place, two months after the morning he told me that
he loved me.  It had been two months filled with a lot of pressure to
finish the album, a lot of stress to keep my career out of my personal
life, a lot of back and forth arguing between me and Richie and a lot of
guilt to pass around.  But it wasn't all negative.  Those two months had
also provided me with an opportunity to discover and explore a side of me I
never knew existed.  The romantic side: the flowers, the candy, the
continuous serenades, dinners, movies - you name it, we did it.  And not to
mention the sex.  It had been off the wall and each time seemed twice as
good as the time before it and I wondered how I had survived without it.
All in all, those first two months were good.  But isn't that always how it
is in the beginning of a relationship?  You're happy one minute and then
the next, the shit hits the fan and reality rears its ugly head, in other
words, life gets in the way.  More specifically, my life.  I was trying, I
really was and even though there was a part of me that wanted this to work,
another part of me, a slightly larger part wanted my life to go back to the
way it was, simple, uncomplicated, back to a time where I could chill with
my best friend and not have to worry about what I said, when I could work
till the break of dawn and not have to report to a living soul, back to a
time when I didn't feel like It could be one thing or another, not both.
But I knew that all this wishing, all this thinking, all this nostalgia was
a waste of time, my time, and that no matter what I did, shit was the way
it was and no amount of daydreaming was gonna change that.




RICHIE

	It felt scary, this felt scary.  The fact that I could be hanging
around someone else I was physically attracted to and not think about my
problems, i.e. Bobby, was a damn scary feeling.  Back up about three weeks
ago to my little indiscretion with Michael - I was a wreck, a head case, a
nut.  I couldn't function and almost sat back and allowed my whole life to
crumble before my eyes.  I wasn't eating right or sleeping right and not
for nothing, I was out of contact with everyone, even my employer Diane.
Bobby was calling me often enough, leaving messages on my machine, all of
which I erased except one:

Richie it's me, shit!  This is probably the 10th message I've left and you
still ain't call me back yet.  Are you ok?  I know shit got heated with us
the other day and I want you to know that I didn't mean to go off on you.
I know things haven't been easy on you and that I've been selfish lately -
I...(sigh) I want us to give this a shot - I know I've been saying this a
lot but I mean it, I really think that we could make this work.  The
album's done and I got a whole three months on my hands, we could go
anywhere you wanted, I want to make it up to you.  I...

And my tape ran out.  What he was going to say seemed promising but by then
I was too choked up to think about it.  I wanted to call him and tell him
how much I wanted him, how much I needed him, how much he meant to me.  I
even wanted to let him know that I wasn't perfect, that I too had made a
mistake but then it hit me, out of the blue like a lightning bolt, I
sounded desperate, DESPERATE!!!  And what he had said to me before struck
home again: 'You're acting like a pussy, you know that?'  He was right, I
was acting soft, I really was and the thought had me feeling disgusted with
myself.  And at a time I was at my lowest, here comes this virtual stranger
into my life, someone who I can relate to and who can relate to me.

HOW I MET TERRY:

	Talk about strange bedfellows, I had still been in my grieving
stage when who should I run into but Jack.  Remember him, the guy that I
had met at Michaels' little singles thing for ME, it had been a long time
since we had spoken and an even longer time since we had seen each other.
The last time I had seen Jack he had been well under 175lbs, lean, in
shape, handsome and someone I had had an attraction towards but now, now
things had changed, drastically.

I had been coming out of a Dwayne Reade parking lot when all of a sudden,

"Richie?"

I turned around and saw a man, a heavy man who wore a thick green jacket
and a black NYY (New York Yankees) knitted cap.

"Yes, do I know you?"

"Shit, it has been a while and well, I don't exactly look the same."

The more he spoke, the more I began to distinguish his voice from the
countless others I had heard over my lifetime.

My hand found it's way to my mouth and I cried out, "Jack!  Oh my God, is
that you?"

A smile graced his chubby face and he nodded, walking up to me and then
hugging me, something in which I melted into.

I pulled away from him and looked at his eyes, those pretty eyes and I
knew, this was Jack.

"Hey, I haven't heard from you in such a long time.  How have you been?"  I
asked, trying not to let my shock get the best of me.

He saw right through my act though and smiled, "it's ok Richie, shit, so
much has happened since the last time we talked, so much.  If you have
time, maybe we could go for lunch or something."  And even though my day
was booked solid, I made an exception.

"Sure, is Queens good for you?" I asked.

"As good as any."  He replied and with that, we both jumped into my car and
took off to commercial downtown Brooklyn.



"I know you must be shocked, most of my friends are.  I'm surprised Michael
didn't say anything to you, I mean, you two are so close."  And I thought,
'if only he knew'.  The truth of the matter was that I was avoiding Michael
also.

"Not shocked, just surprised."  I mildly stated.

He smiled again and put down his fork.  He leaned closer inwards and began
to talk, "I'm sick Richie, really, really sick.  They think I have a fifty
fifty chance to beat this."

"Is it..."

"AIDS?"

I nodded.

"No, not even close, they think it's some cancer, a rarity.  I've had it
for almost a year and a half, I'm wasting away Richie, bit by bit."
Looking at his size I had serious doubts about that.

"But you're so..."

"Big?  Yeah, well the shit they have me on will do that to you.  I've put
on almost 135lbs since September.  Probably by this time next year you'll
see me on TV being carried out of my apartment by a two ton crane.  It's
not obvious but it is happening.  I had an opp to go with the chemo but I'd
rather be a friggin whale than a skeleton, you know."

And I nodded unable to form my thoughts into words.

"Boy, you look good.  What's happening with you and your friend?"

"Um...we uh...we got together..."

"Great."

"And now we're sort of on hiatus."

"Oh."

"What about you and your boyfriend?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Ah...me and Terry, what can I say.  We're no longer together."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well, so was he."

"Wait, did you break it off with him or did he break it off with you?"

"I broke it off with him.  No point in both of us being miserable, know
what I mean?"  I didn't really but nodded as if I did.  This was beginning
to sound like a page from my book.

He then went on to tell me how things had gone down with him and the hubby:
"I love him you know, despite everything, I love him.  Remember I told you
that we separated because he was fucking someone else?  Well it didn't
stop, I thought it was over but it wasn't.  I mean I didn't find all of
this out till about six months ago so it's still kind of a shock.  I mean
when we got back together, things were good, we were back on track, all was
forgiven but something...something was always up, know what I mean?  He's
working late on weekends, coming home three, four o'clock in the morning to
go back out at seven and I didn't think much of it.  I mean somewhere deep
down I probably knew but I didn't allow myself to explore that possibility.
Anyway, about three months after we get back together, I'm at work and then
all of a sudden I collapse, I mean that's what they told me happened - an
aneurysm, a damn blood vessel just bursts - no warning!  I stayed in the
hospital for three months while they do cat scan after cat scan after cat
scan and nothing, nada, zilch!  They send me home.  A few weeks later I'm
doing laundry and I have a seizure, I start throwing up - lucky for me,
Terry was there or I'd probably choke to death.  They readmit me and do
another cat scan.  Well, they find a couple of small tumors all over the
place.  They tell me it's nothing to worry about, it's treatable.
Meanwhile Terry is after me to get a second opinion but I'm like, why
bother, I've been with this same hospital for most of my adult life so I
stay with them.  They go ahead and do the chemo and I get a clean bill of
health.  Lo and behold everything is fine for six months then I have
another seizure, I'm out cold for seven hours before someone finds me at
the side of the road.  They take me in, do a cat scan at a different
hospital, under Terry's insurance and they find that these tumors have
grown - I mean from the size of a penny to the size of my fist.  So we go
in for analysis and find out we have two choices, the chemo or these
special steroids.  Both have fucked up side effects and both have no
guarantee- me and Terry agree to go with the steroids and voila, here I am.
I balloon like a damn whale and my man doesn't want to fuck me anymore.  I
mean he doesn't come out and say it but I know, he touches me and it's like
it's forced and then all of a sudden he feels the need to be honest and
tells me about all his little side adventures.  He promises to stop
everything so that we can get married.  I've been trying to get this man
for years to marry me and he won't do it, but now that I'm not such a sure
thing, he wants to take the plunge but I say no way.  I can tell he's not
happy and even though I love the man to death, I'm not gonna entrap him
into something he feels he needs to do so I come home one night, pack up my
stuff and leave.  Of course he doesn't understand why but I do and that's
all that matters.  We see each other everyday, he stops by just to check on
me to and from his work and I'm grateful but it's hard for me to see him
and not be able to be with him.

By this time, tears are streaming down Jack's face and I lean over and
grasps his hand in mine.  "I'm sorry" are the only words I'm able to offer
him.

The rest of lunch is just a series of looks and half smiles between us and
then he said, "I think I'm gonna catch the bus home, it's late."  In fact
it's only about four but he looks tired, really tired.

"Let me drive you home Jack." I announce.

  "No Richie, it's ok, I live all the way in Queens."  But I am insistent
so we pay the bill and head towards my car.



Pulling into his driveway I see that a man is sitting on his porch.  I put
the car in park and turn to look at Jack, a questioning look in my eyes.

"That's Terry, why don't you come and meet him."  I really just wanted to
go home but I couldn't say no.  I stepped out and walked up to his friend
who looked between the both of us, casting particular negative glances my
way.

Jack walked up to him and pulled him into an embrace, something that made
his friend stiffen.  Jack must have noticed it for he quickly pulled apart
from him and looked down as if embarrassed.

"Uh, Terry, this is Richie, Richie this is Terry."  I walked up to him and
outstretched my arm, something that he didn't take kindly to.

"Why is he here?"

"We ran into each other at the pharmacy and we had lunch and he took me
home.


"I said I would have take you to the pharmacy, all you had to do was wait
till I got off from work."

"I don't need you to baby me Terry.  What sense would it have made if you
had to drive from Manhattan, back to Queens to get me to come into Brooklyn
to go back to Queens?  It was just easier if I took the bus."

"You know you're not supposed to be going anywhere by yourself, suppose you
had a seizure or..."

"Nothing, I didn't ok, so drop it.  I'm not your son so stop treating me
like I am."

I was getting more uncomfortable by the minute at this exchange and tried
to think up an excuse that would give me an easy way out.

"Jack, I better get going, rush hour."

"Sure Richie, thanks, I really appreciate it.  Keep in touch will you."

"Sure, of course, good luck."

"Well thanks."  He turned around and whispered something to Terry and then
went inside.  As soon as he was out of site,

"Some friend you are."  Terry bellowed.

"Excuse me."

"Some friend you are.  The way Jack talks about you, you would think you
were friend of the year - where were you when he was in the hospital?"

"I didn't know."  Terry didn't necessarily intimidate me but I still took a
step back from him.

"Are you fucking him?"

"Excuse me!  Look, I don't know you and..."

"No YOU look here.  I know that you and Jack have some sort of relationship
going on and frankly I don't like it one bit.  He's sick and right now he's
acting like he doesn't need anybody but if you as much as lead him on, I
will..."

"I'm not involved with Jack ok.  I never was, no matter what you might
think.  We are friends, strictly friends."  His look softened and he
surprised me by outstretching his hand towards me, " well in that case, I'm
Terry."

I followed suit, "I'm Richie."






That had been three weeks ago and since then I had been hung up on someone
besides my boyfriend.  I didn't know if this was just a phase or the real
thing, all I knew for sure that it was a feeling I didn't want to
disregard.

Back to the here and now, I was sitting at home talking on the phone with
Michael who was right now grilling me about you know who.

 "Don't you want to see him?" he asked me.

"of course I do, I just don't think now is the right time to do it." I
responded trying to keep the frustration out of my voice.

"Why the fuck not."

"Because, time apart might be a good thing for us."  The truth of the
matter was that I was hoping that Bobby would just show up on my doorstep
begging me to take him back, it would have been a first for him.

"That is the biggest pile of horse shit I've heard since...since I can't
even remember.  The last time we spoke you were practically foaming at the
mouth to tell him about us, now all of a sudden you don't want to see him -
sell that crap to someone who is gullible.  Now tell me, what's going on?"

I wasn't about to tell Mr. Big Mouth the real reason why I was avoiding my
man.  "Nothing Michael.  Speaking of which, what's up with you?"

He sighed, no doubt highly annoyed with all these mind games I seemed to be
playing.  "Trying to change the subject are we?"

I stayed quiet hoping he wouldn't call me on it.

"Well if you would stop playing this cat and mouse game you would know
what's going on.  I've been busy getting things ready."

"For what?"  I questioned further.

"I'm moving at the end of the month Richie."

I almost spilled the coffee I had been sipping.  "To where?  Why didn't you
tell me?  Why?"

"Slow down cowboy.  I took a job in Connecticut, it pays twice as much as
the one I have now plus they're willing to pay my rent for a month - can't
beat that."

He was right, but still...

"Oh."  Was the only response I could come up with.

"Shit!  I'm five minutes over my break, I'll call you later, hopefully
you'll be ready to talk to me then.  See you later" I then heard the phone
hang up and the dial tone resound in my ear.

Five minutes later I was still in shock, mouth a gape.  Despite all the
crap I had taken from Michael and our roller coaster relationship over the
years, he was still my deepest confidant.  'Michael not being a hop, skip
and a jump from me', the thought had me shivering, but I couldn't allow
myself to think of this now - not when tonight was supposed to be a happy
occasion.  Terry had asked me out, not out as to a sports bar somewhere in
the city but rather to a nice restaurant located on the Manhattan seaport.
And needless to say I was ecstatic.  It had been a while since I had been
in the company of a man I liked - a long time.  And that thought alone had
me thinking about Bobby.  Was I wrong to go out with someone else when I
had a boyfriend? Should I have been so excited about the prospect of
kissing Terry, touching him, maybe even going all the way?  Even though I
knew the answer to both questions I went into denial mode - I was a grown
man, I could do as I pleased - I was entitled to a little loving in my life
and if Bobby wasn't up for the job, someone would have to take his place.




BOBBY
	I don't know what I was doing here, in the shower, fisting my dick
when I had someone who was willing to do this for me or was that my own
misconception.  At every turn his face would miraculously appear before me
and like some love sick teenager I would take a trip down memory lane
remembering the good times, the tune of Happy Days resounding in my head
over and over again.  I had broken down and called him having made up my
mind to do whatever I had to do to make us work but he never called me
back, not that I had been sitting by the phone waiting but still, I had
expected some sort of response.  It wasn't like Richie not to touch base
with me once in a while, even when we weren't on speaking terms.  And it
made me think that I had gone overboard, hurt his feelings more than I had
imagined and had destroyed a good thing because I was being a coward.  It
did make sense, a lot of sense.  I guess that's why I found myself
hurriedly putting on some clothes and heading over to his apartment in
Brooklyn.  I had my words all formulated,

"Richie, baby, I'm sorry, I've been an ass, a fucking ass.  I love you
too."  I could say that.  It didn't sound like such a terrible thing once I
heard myself say it.  Richie said those words to me all the time and I
could hear it in his voice, how much truth those words possessed, he really
did love me, body, heart and soul and now I realized that.  I also realized
something else - nothing was stopping me from saying the same thing to him.
A smile spread across my face as I thought about how he might react to
that, maybe he would throw himself into my arms and sob or he would tear my
clothes off and beg me to fuck him.  Either scenario was good enough for
me.



"I can't talk now Bobby."

I hadn't expected to hear that, not after I had geared myself up for this.

"What?"

"I'm busy." He said, his eyes avoiding mine.  Something was up, something
was definitely up.

"Doing what?"

"I don't want to talk about it."  He hesitated and then continued with,
"You should have called."

"Since when do I have to call to see you." I continued, my hands crossed
over my chest.

"I just...if you would have called, I would have told you I had plans for
tonight."

"Plans?  With who?" I questions.

"A friend."

'A friend my ass' I thought.  He was acting like a little boy who got
caught dipping his hand in the cookie jar.  I just wondered whose cookie
jar it was.

Changing the subject I said, "Did you get my messages?"

He looked down at his feet and than back it me, "Yeah."

"And."

"And, I've um...I've been busy."

"Too busy to call your man back?"

"Bobby..." he started.

"This IS what you wanted, isn't it?  You wanted me to make a commitment and
now that I'm doing it you wanna find any and every excuse you can not to
follow through.  What the fuck's going on Richie?"

"Nothing, I just, I.... I just need some space ok.  I need some time to
think about this."

"Time?"

"Yes, time.  I just don't think we're on the same wave length and I don't
feel...I don't feel right about throwing myself at you when..."

I cut him off, "is that what you think you're doing?"

"Well, yeah.  I don't want to feel so...um.so dependent on you, I need to
be able to do things on my own, be a man about it."

So that was what this was about.  I mentally kicked myself for putting
myself in this position.  If I hadn't gone and called him a pussy he
wouldn't have been feeling the way he was.

"Richie..."  I started and stopped as he covered my mouth with his hand.

"No, you were right...about everything.  I didn't appreciate the way you
said it but you were right and I realize that now, I really do.  I hate
having to feel like my life revolves around you cause it doesn't.
And...and I think that maybe we should separate for a while."

I didn't hear a word he was saying after he made that statement.  Separate?
Separate!  After all that soul searching I had just done he wanted to
separate.

"I don't think we need to do that.  I'm done Richie, I'm done with the
album, I got some free time now."

His face distorted and a scowl took over, "You mean that now you have time
for me ."

"I didn't say that.  Why you always got to be putting words in my mouth
for?"

"Whatever, it doesn't even matter anymore.  I just need some time away from
you.  Time to see if we're being realistic about us."

I wasn't getting this and I told him so.

"I don't know how to explain it any better Bobby.  I just don't feel that
I've been thinking about this relationship realistically, maybe I was
expecting too much from it and us..."

"No you weren't."  I interjected, "you were right about everything.  I know
if I give it my all we can make it work, I want it to work."  I paused and
took a deep breath, ready to tell him what he had been waiting to hear
forever, "I love..."

I never got to finish as a car pulled into his driveway and shone its
bright headlights in our direction.  He beeped once, twice and then a third
time.

"I have to go."  Richie stated.

"Who is that?"  I could clearly make out the outline of a man in the
drivers side.

"A friend, I told you that already."  And the way he blushed I knew he was
lying to me.

"Are you fucking him?"  I asked angrily grabbing his arm as he attempted to
walk away from me.

He pulled his arm from my embrace, "What the hell is wrong with you?"  He
cried angrily.

"What the hell is wrong with me.  What the hell is wrong with me!  What the
hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't want to get into this with you right now Bobby, I think you need
to leave and go somewhere to cool off."

"Don't tell me what the fuck I need to do ok!  I come here to tell you I
want to make us work and all I get is shit from you."  I didn't even wait
for him to respond.  I pushed past him, down the driveway and in the
direction of my car.  I didn't need this hassle.  I didn't need this shit.

"Bobby wait!"  He called out, but I ignored him.

"Bobby please wait."  Again I ignored him and jumped into my car and
started the engine.  Just as I was about to drive off, he appeared by my
driver's side window.

"Don't leave like this, please, I...I can explain." He stated, desperation
lacing his voice.

"I don't wanna hear it Richie."

"It's not what you think."

"Oh really?  Well you know what, it ain't even matter.  I'm just glad I got
to see this, see what I was getting my ass into.  I came here to..." I
didn't finish my sentence, I couldn't.

"Richie you coming or what, I got reservations for eight." His comrade
shouted from his car.

"Looks like your man is waiting for you." I stated, not looking at him.

"He's not my man Bobby."

"Whatever, just go man.  I think you're right, a separation might be good
for us."  I saw the despair in his face and knew he had regretted bringing
up the idea.

"Bobby..." I didn't allow him to finish, how could he when I had driven
halfway down the block.  And as I turned a corner I thought to myself, 'how
the hell did I ever get myself into this situation?  I was paying out of my
ass to keep Ernie quiet while trying to hide the other side of my life from
everyone else.  On top of that, Richie seemed to be having a change of
heart about the whole situation.  All of this hassle for what.'  And not
for the first time I wished for things to go back to the way they were.

FINALLY FOLKS.  REALLY A CHANGE OF PACE - LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE/DISLIKE
ABOUT IT.  THANKS FOR THE CONTINUED SUPPORT...