Date: Mon, 14 Apr 2003 21:08:32 EDT From: JuilianJ@aol.com Subject: the story of us part 21 THE STORY OF US BY: Julien This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of any person, place or thing. It contains sexual activities between males and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area. Read at your own risk and enjoy. Comments are welcomed and would be very much appreciated. ENJOY! I would like to thank my editor Frank for doing such a great job on editing - thanks a lot man... RICHIE A little dinner, a little dancing, a little nibbling here and there... what else could a man possibly want? I had to ask myself that question as Terry inconspicuously nibbled on my ear and neck as people passed us by on the seaport boardwalk. It had started out simple enough: We had driven to the Manhattan seaport, coincidentally a place that Bobby and I had come to call our own, a place where we 'sealed the deal' as he so blatantly put it, but I couldn't allow my thoughts to wonder. We had had a great dinner for two that overlooked the ocean and Terry had entertained me with stories of his life, his childhood, his adulthood, his career, his family, his friends and even though most of the conversation was centered around him, I really didn't mind. My thoughts were all a jumbled mass and my mind, no matter how hard I tried, remained on my lover. Upsetting as it was for me to see him take off, the anger and disappointment so clearly marked upon his face, it was more hurtful and more upsetting for me to know that I was the reason for it. And the accusatory session that I subjected myself to made no difference in alleviating any of the guilt that I felt. Also, the fact that I was leaning against a railing that overlooked the ocean, allowing someone else's boyfriend to nibble on my neck did little to help the situation. "You are so hot, you know that. I swear the first time I saw you, I wanted to turn you over my knee and..." I cut him off before he could finish. "Terry, maybe we shouldn't..." "Shhh, don't tell me you don't like this. I can feel how much you like this." In all honesty, I could feel it too. I was hard as a brick wall and my dick was hammering into his thigh. "It's not that Terry..." once again I was cut off by the feel of his lips pressed against mine in something that I could only describe as a 'sloppy joe', and like the sandwich, it was wet, messy and strangely tasty. I involuntarily moved myself into him and allowed him an all access pass to my most intimate of areas. My thoughts were incomprehensible, I was thinking to myself that maybe I could do this, sleep with him, try it on for size to see how it felt to be with someone else beside Bobby. And I almost convinced myself that maybe I could go through with it until, "You make me so hot Jack." The words were whispered so softly that if anyone was near by, I would have missed them, but we were alone now and I could hear every single word coming through loud and clear: YOU MAKE ME SO HOT JACK. It made me stop. "Terry," I whispered trying to loosen myself from his grasp. "Hmm," he replied still nibbling on my neck. "Terry." I tried again in vain to call him only to be rewarded with another, "Hmm." Finally getting tired of his lack of response I shouted. "TERRY!" I finally was able to get his attention. He looked up at me in confusion. "What, did I do something wrong?" "No, I just don't think we should do this anymore." He had a puzzled expression, "Why not?" "Because...I just don't think we should." "Come on Richie! I was just getting into it and into you." With a smile lighting up his face at the realization that he had made a sexual innuendo, he tried to come on to me again but I just wasn't having it. "I said no Terry, I don't want to do this anymore, just take me home." I said pushing him off and away from me. For a moment he looked as if he might react irrationally but instead he backed away from me and ran a hand through his hair. "Fine, fine, let's go." The ride to my place was painfully quiet and for a moment I regretted ever going out with him. Then a thought hit home, 'maybe this was just another experience that was meant to make me see how good I had it. Maybe it was just another test, like the situation with Ernie that would make me more appreciative of what I had with Bobby'. It could have been what was holding me back from getting intimate with Terry. Sure I could have gone ahead and fucked him but that was all it would have been, a fuck. "I'm sorry." His voice broke me out of my train of thought and I took this opportunity to make my own set of apologies. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have led you to believe, you know..." "Yeah, I know." Things after that got eerily quiet until I spoke up again about what happened earlier in the evening. "You called me Jack." "When?" "When we were on the boardwalk. You were nibbling on my neck and you called me Jack." He looked over at me, a questioning look on his face, "Really?" "Yeah." "Shit, I'm sorry man." "It's ok, really." And as if I were going for broke, I continued with, "Is it really over with you guys?" He didn't even pause to respond, "is it ever over?" "I guess not." And for some reason I had the urge to tell him about my relationship with Bobby. Surprisingly, I found out that Terry wasn't just a self-centered talker, he turned out to be a really neutral listener as well and by the time I was finished, he was offering me advice, "Sounds like one hell of a guy." "He is. He's so handsome, so strong, so beautiful. I mean, I never knew I could feel this way about anyone and I do about him and now I've gone and fucked it up because of my own fucked up insecurities. I mean I knew what I was in for before I went into it and I told him I understood but at the first sign of trouble I was ready to bail out. Why would he want to put up with that back and forth?" Reaching over and giving my shoulder a squeeze he said, "you're too hard on yourself Richie. I know that I haven't known you all that long but I feel like you and me aren't that much different." "Yeah right," I snorted, "You and I are nothing alike Terry. Where you're confident, I'm insecure, where you're a 'take charge kind a guy', I have a 'sit back and let the action come to you' mentality - we're not alike in anyway, I guarantee it." "Well you're wrong because we are alike. Look at it this way, we're both in relationships where the problems are of our own making. We both love our partners very much but it seems that we spend a majority of the time analyzing what they see in us or what we see in them. We're also alike in the fact that we both are trying this 'dating other people bull shit' hoping to get some satisfaction out of it but obviously it won't work cause we're not over our previous relationships nor will we be anytime soon." And to hear him say what I had been thinking from the very beginning was like a wake up call for me. Was that really what I was doing? Trying to get over my feelings for Bobby? The thought left a knot in my throat and a heavy feeling in my heart as I realized I never wanted to be over him, no matter what. What we had was good. It wasn't perfect, nor was it close to perfect, but it was what I had spent the last years wanting. Was I really that eager to throw it all away because I was afraid? Afraid of trying, afraid of staying around, afraid that by putting myself in that position, I would inevitably be hurt. Was I really such a coward, not willing to fight for the one thing that I had wanted for so long? And in that instant it hit me - HELL YEAH, I was afraid. I was afraid that everything that I had imagined our relationship to be like would fall into disarray once reality set in. I was afraid that my expectations of him were so unrealistic that I was willing him, myself and us as a unit to fail. I was afraid that he would see all my flaws and not want to have a thing to do with me. Most of all, I was afraid that all the years of friendship that we had shared would turn to shit and we would be in too deep to ever bring things back to the way they were. But did I really just want to be Bobby's friend ever? Did I just want to be another guy he could call when he wanted to shoot the breeze? I came to the stark realization that I never wanted to go back, back in the sense that we would be just friends, just boys, just two guys who knew each other. I never wanted to feel that there was an invisible line between us that I would never be able to cross. Most of all, I never wanted to feel the way I did before we started all of this, alone, miserable, depressed, I never wanted to imagine my life without him in it, ever. And as I listened to the sounds of our breathing as Terry drove, I realized that this charade would never work for one reason and one reason only. That reason being that I never wanted to spend another day or night without Robert Knight by my side and in my life. BOBBY As I threw a pack of white socks into the suitcase, my thoughts once again returned to the night before. I had tried without much success to block out the unwanted images of us arguing but I couldn't. It was as if my mind was feeding off of the negative energy, willing me to keep on replaying those images over and over again in my head. And remembering what he had said about us having a trial separation, I had tossed and turned the night before, trying to figure out what that feeling was deep in my gut. It was like a wave of nausea would come over me any second and I found myself getting up at three thirty A.M. and driving around, no where in particular, in hopes of getting rid of that feeling. But it wouldn't go away, no matter what I tried: Pepto Bismol, Mylanta, antacids. Nothing money could buy would ever take it away and it finally hit me what was happening - I was suffering from a simple yet complicated affliction. One that no doctor or medication would fix, one that only Richie could get rid of. I was suffering from heartache. It took me a while to get my mind to accept the diagnosis but when it did, there was no turning back. I couldn't change my mind nor pretend that it wasn't happening. I could no longer deny what I had been feeling for so long. The ringing of the telephone broke me from my train of thought and I picked it up. "Hello." "Mr. Knight?" "Yes, this is he." "Good morning sir, I'm just calling from Botoc International Airways to confirm your booking of our private piper twin engine plane departing from JFK at nine thirty, flying non stop to Honduras." "Thank you. I should be there by nine. Was your staff briefed about my requests?" "Yes sir. We have our best pilot and top flight attendants flying with you today. They have been briefed on the discretion matter. Is there anything else?" I thought for a moment, something inside, maybe my consciousness was telling me to stay, try to work this out, not to flee like this, like a wounded animal, "is the pilot already there?" "Yes sir," and as if hesitant she continued with, "is there something the matter Mr. Knight? Would you like to postpone your trip for a later hour...or date?" I was tempted to say yes. I was tempted to drop everything and do what my gut was telling me to do but before I could think it through too much I responded with, "no, everything is fine, thanks. I'll be there." MICHAEL I stood in front of my bathroom mirror shaving when I heard it. It sounded as if it were coming from the television, but closer listening told me that it was coming from the door. I hurriedly wiped the cream off of my face and ran to the door. Cautiously I peeped through the keyhole and let out a sigh of relief, glad it wasn't who I thought it was and flung open the door. "Jesus Christ Richie, what the fuck are you doing here at" I looked down at my watch "seven thirty in the morning?" In actuality, if it wasn't for the fact that I was expecting the movers to come at eight, I would have been fast asleep. He smiled and then pulled me into a familiar embrace and for an instant, I forgot that it had been a while since I had seen him. "I miss you Michael." He murmured taking in the scent of my cologne and remarking, "you smell good." "Damn man, I missed you too," I replied surprised at how much emotion my voice betrayed. And if I wasn't aware before, I was sure as hell aware now, that I would miss him dearly. Pulling apart from him, I noticed for the first time in a long time, he seemed happy, as if a burden had been lifted off of his shoulder. "What the hells' going on with you Richie? Something happen that I don't know about? You win the lottery?" "No, but I feel like I did. There is so much I have to tell you Michael." And I had to admit that I was anxious to hear what it was that had him in such high spirits. "Let me guess, does it have to do with a certain guy?" The smile on his face was irremovable. "You don't even have to say anything else. I know what's going on. Only one person could get your ass this happy and it sure ain't me." "I just don't know where to begin Michael. Everything was falling apart, everything was just going down hill. I mean last night we had this huge blow out and it was mainly my fault" he paused, then continued, "I told him that I wanted a trial separation, that I needed space, time." "What did he say?" "He thought that I was making excuses, trying to weasel my way out of our relationship. He actually told me that he wanted to commit, give it his all. I even think he was gonna say it." "Say what?" I asked. "You know." He chided, an eyebrow raised. "It's too damn early for guessing games Richie." "Ok, ok. I thought he was going to tell me that he loved me." This got a jolt out of me, "are you sure?" "I think so, I mean he started to say it and then Terry drove up." I raised my eyebrow, "Terry?" "Oh, I guess it really has been a long time." "No shit Sherlock. Now tell me, who is this Terry guy?" He sighed, "just someone who helped me to realize what it is I had. I mean if it weren't for him, I would never have gotten to this point." The look of his face was unmistakable, he was a bona fide fool in love and strangely enough, I felt a pang of jealousy. "So are you and the hubby experiencing smooth sailing now?" I look of gloom came over his face, "not exactly." "Ok, then why all the excitement?" "Because I now know what I have to do. I was an idiot before Michael. I was scared and I was vulnerable and I was in doubt about everything but now," a smile made it's way upon his face, "I know what I want and what I need. I'm not going to make this opportunity go down the drain." And as if speaking words meant for his own ears he said, "I'm going to make this work." Long after he had left, I found myself trying to think back to a time when Richie had been this happy and I found that I couldn't think of one single time in all the years we had known each other that could compare to his state of jovialness. It gave me a comforting feeling to know that things were finally coming together for him. It would have weighed heavily on my mind if I had to leave knowing that he was in a permanent state of funk. But now everything seemed to be coming together, 'the way it was supposed to' I thought, and just as an afterpiece, I thought, 'and what about me?' What about me? Wasn't my life where I had always wanted it to be? Making decent money, having my pick of location, being able to pick, choose, refuse and reuse any man I saw worthy of my presence - isn't that all there was to my life? And even though I had lived like that for quite some time, this was the first time I thought to myself, 'what a shallow existence'. Could I really continue to live like this for the next five, ten, even fifteen years never committing to one place, person or thing? I knew the answer to all the questions but I wouldn't allow my mind to work through all that red tape just to get through to the truth. I was too old, too stubborn, too set in my ways. I couldn't change, even if I wanted to, and what would be the point anyway? There was no white knight waiting for me on the other side, no fancy job and luxury home with my name on it. No announcer waiting to hand me the grand prize. There was nothing for me on the other side of bad, so what was even the point to think of changing. This was all I knew, this was my life and even though in my mind I knew it was getting old, I was determined to stick with it. RICHIE After my talk with Michael, I drove over to Bobby's hoping to clear the air, letting him know that I was now ready to work it out. I wanted to let him know that I had dealt with my issues and was ready to move forward in our relationship. It was amazing to me how quickly this transition took place. One minute I was practically casting the man aside and now, now I was ready and willing to take whatever he had to offer and submit to my inner most feelings, no matter the cost. If I had to work around his schedule, I would. If I had to put up with his crazy hours, I would. No matter what, I was willing to keep him and I together, even if we had to sneak around. And I was so willing for one reason and one reason only, I was in love with him. As they say, 'love will make you do crazy things' and I was willing to do the craziest things to just to keep us going. I was going to stand by my man no matter what. I stood outside his door ringing the bell and knocking for what seemed like forever when, "Excuse me, can I help you?" Someone asked. Looking over I saw that the voice belonged to an elderly woman. "Well, yeah. I'm looking for my boy.... um.... my uh friend...Bobby, actually, Robert." "Ah, what a nice young chap. Always helping me with my groceries when he's here. He's a musician you know. Not my type of music, what he sings, but a musician nonetheless. My granddaughter adores him." "I know ma'am. Anyway, I'm his friend Richie and I was wondering if you know where he went." She seemed to ponder my question for a second and then shook her head, "'Fraid not, he left early this morning, eight I think, had a suitcase, one of those fancy ones, real expensive too. I was gonna say good morning but he seemed to be in such a hurry. You young people usually are." Suitcase. Hurry. What the hell was going on? "His car is still here, do you know how he got to where he was going?" Again that ponderous look came over her face, "actually I do, a limo service, think it was Giovanni's. I know because they the only service in town that have their drivers dressed liked valets - shirts all pressed, vests all pleated, nice black pants, spic and span shoes. Very, very handsomely dressed." "Um thanks again." I made a move to walk back to my car when she called out for me, "Who should I say stopped by?" she asked. "Tell him...tell him, just tell him the Yin to his Yang." I stated. She seemed puzzled at my reference but I didn't care. Bobby would understand what that meant and that was all that mattered. It seemed as if every second was longer than the one before it as I sat by the phone waiting for his phone call. I was so desperate to hear his voice, to see his face, to have him close to me that I would have done anything, possible even sell my soul to Satan himself. It was coming on to six in the evening and still no word from him. By this time, all sort of scenarios started to play out in my mind. Maybe he got the message and just didn't want to speak to me. Maybe he really took my words last night to heart and was taking our trial separation seriously. Or maybe, he was just nervous and wasn't sure if he should call or not. For this reason alone, I kept calling his house every hour on the hour just to give him an opportunity to talk to me without all the pressure. But he never picked up. I was close to tears by the time eight, nine and then ten o' clock rolled around. At ten, all that frustration and misery turned into anger and all I could do was curse him underneath my breath. I never meant a word of it but I was upset that he wasn't even giving me the chance to say that I was sorry. Tired of waiting, I turned on the television and took a seat on my settee. UPN 9's news coverage was on and Brenda Blackman and Harry Martin's voice filled my living room: Breaking [FPP1]news right now from the studio. As earlier reported, a twin engine plane owned and operated by Botac International Airways exploded in mid air at around ten thirty this morning. We now bring you live coverage from JFK, here is Monica Pelagrini. Thank you Brenda and Harry. I am reporting to you live from the tarmac of JFK International Airport where earlier today, a twin engine plane belonging to Botoc International Airways had exploded mid air shortly after departure from JFK. Sketchy details that have been coming in from the spokesperson at Botac have confirmed that this plane exploded over the ocean ten to fifteen minutes after take off. No apparent cause has been speculated nor has the names of the passengers or crew been released. We are expecting a conference with a spokesperson from Botac in about ten minutes so we are standing by. We will bring you the details as they become available to us. Brenda, Harry, back to you. Thank you Monica, in other news... I turned off the television and got up. I couldn't wait any longer - I had to see him tonight. As I made a move towards my front door, my doorbell rang. Hope bubbled within me and for an instance I thought that it was Bobby until, "Good night sir, are you Richard Lyn?" Standing before was a uniformed NYPD officer. "Yes I am, um...is there a problem officer?" I asked, the nervousness apparent in my voice. "Yes sir, there is. May I come in?" he asked taking off his hat. "Sure." I stepped to the side and allowed him to pass me. Closing the door I offered him a seat but he declined. "I'm not sure what I've done officer. I don't have any outstanding parking tickets." I said. "This isn't about parking tickets sir. Maybe you would like to take a seat." And even if I didn't want to, I had no choice. My legs felt unstable beneath me and I knew that at any minute I could collapse. "Do you know a Robert Knight of 132 E3rd Ave. between Lafayette and McGomery?" "Yes." I answered, my voice shaky. I had a very bad feeling about the turn of his next words. "Sir, I am sorry to inform you that there was a plane crash out by JFK that may have involved your friend." His words stopped me dead in my tracks and I looked at him. "What?" He flipped open a note book and read from it, "a twin engine plane belonging to Botoc International Airways exploded over the Atlantic ocean at around ten thirty this morning. The flight manifest indicates that a Robert Knight of that address reserved the plane. His emergency contact sheet has your name on it." "No, it can't be him...he's not scheduled to travel anytime soon...it's not him." I feebly whispered. "Sir, I know that this is a shock but your friend was on that flight, surveillance tapes show that he went through security and his luggage was checked in." "No, it's not him." I whispered again feeling my eyes welt up with tears. "Sir is there anyone that I can call for you, a friend, a family member..." I cut him off. This wasn't true. This couldn't be true. This wasn't the same Robert Knight. They made a mistake with the addresses. It couldn't be him. "You made a mistake officer. It isn't my friend. I know it isn't. He would have told me if he was going away. He never had plans to go away. It's not him. I'm sorry you wasted your time driving out all this way for no reason...." I just kept on going and going and going until he had no alternative but to get out of my house and go and tell the real friends and family of the Robert Knight that was deceased that their loved one was dead. "Sir, is there anything I can do, call a friend, a family member, anyone." He attempted one last time as he walked to the door. "No, it's not necessary. You made a grave mistake." And with that I shut the door behind him. And I thought, 'how funny it be that Bobby shared the exact name with someone else. It was a wonder they mixed up the addresses' and for a second I actually convinced myself that my little scenario was true, that Bobby was really not in harms way, that he was somewhere by himself, unaware this other stranger had taken claim to his identity. I turned on the TV again and was greeted with the stark reality: A mini picture of Bobby was plastered in upper right hand corner of the screen. In it, he was shirtless, decked out in a gray cap and a pair of blue jeans, a microphone close to his mouth. The newscasters commented with: It is a sad day in the music industry day as reports have circulated to us that famed R&B singer Robert Knight was in that twin-engine plane that exploded over the Atlantic ten minutes after take off. Reports coming through to us from JFK indicate that Mr. Knight was seen on a security camera checking in his luggage and walking through security. The Coast Guard are at this time searching the Atlantic for signs of survivors but that is expected to change in an hour or so. The coast guard reports that this search and rescue will be updated to a search and recover shortly. Once again, it has been brought to the attention of us here at channel nine, via a Botac spokesperson, that fames R&B singer Robert Knight, was aboard that twin-engine plane that exploded over the Atlantic. We will update you as details become available. This is Monica Pelagrini, reporting from JFK International Airport, Brenda, Harry, back to you in the studio. And as the screen before dissolved into a hazy mist, I found myself unable to breathe. It was true, it was true. He really was dead. And the thought alone sent me into a hyperventilating attack. I couldn't breathe. I felt my chest tighten and suddenly, everything went black. OK FOLKS - ANOTHER CURVE BALL. I KNOW THAT YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THIS BUT PLEASE BARE WITH ME. IT IS NOT OVER, JUST A DETOUR AND DON'T FEAR, I HAVE A PLAN UP MY SLEEVE. I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE COMMENTS FOR THIS CHAPTER ESPECIALLY SEEING HOW INTENSE IT IS. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK AND ENJOY! [FPP1]You need to fix this time discrepancy. The plane took off at 9:30am.