Date: Wed, 28 Jul 2010 08:33:55 -0700 From: juilian james Subject: what makes a family chapter 4/gay relationships/gay interracial WHAT MAKES A FAMILY BY: Julien This story is 100% fictional and is by no means depictive of the life of any person, place or thing. It contains sexual activities between males and should only be read if it is legal to do so in your area. Read at your own risk and enjoy. Comments are welcomed at juniorj009@gmail.com and would be very much appreciated. ENJOY! This will be a short mini series of sort. Comments are always appreciated. Thanks. J. NEIL It was probably a matter of seconds before he responded but to me, it felt like minutes. Just waiting and wondering what his response would be was nerve wracking for me. At one point, I felt as if my entire lunch would give way at any moment but I forced myself to hold back that feeling of nausea. I couldn't let him know how nervous I was about making this call. I wouldn't allow him that satisfaction of knowing that I was still reduced to a puddle whenever I thought about him, after all, a man has to hold on to his pride as long as he can. And as I waited for a response from him, I wondered to myself if it was possible for him to hear the pounding of my heart as it beat within my chest. "Neil...wow...this is a surprise." He paused and took a breath before continuing, "why are you calling me?" To say that I was deeply hurt by his words would have been an understatement. I'm not sure what I had expected, but that wasn't it. And even though I tried to come across as not giving a damn, I'm sure my voice cracked as I gave him a response. "David...I um... I want to talk about David." There, I had said it. I mean that was the whole point of me doing this, calling him, bringing back these memories....for David's sake. "Ok...what about David. Is he ok? Did something happen?" I could hear the beginning of fear begin to rise in his voice and I quickly cleared up the misconception. "No..God....no. David's fine. I um...I just wanted to talk to you about how we're going to handle this thing...for David's sake I mean." I took a deep breath, glad to finally made it this far with the conversation, without breaking down or starting an argument. "This thing..." he started and stopped before letting go a chuckle that was humorless. "You mean the end of our relationship, the demise of our marriage, the finale of our...." I cut him off mid sentence, not wanting to hear anymore, refusing to let him take me back to that place that I hated so much. "You know what the fuck I mean James....shit! Why don't you stop playing these games. The only reason I'm doing this is because of David, nothing else." So much for keeping my cool. Again, I waited for a response, which seemed to take forever to come. "Games....you think I'm the one playing games? You won't let me see David, you won't answer my calls, you won't cash my checks and I'm playing games...ha...you've got some nerve Neil. You haven't said a fucking word to me since I moved out....no....wait.....my bad....you did speak to me at Matt's get together right before you fucking sucker punched me. So don't fucking call me and start accusing me of playing games cause that's one thing I don't do. I was always up front with you....about everything!" To say he sounded angry was an understatement....pissed was more like it. But you know what, at that moment in time, I couldn't give two shits about him or his feelings. All I wanted to do was end the conversation and get back to my life. "You know what James, I shouldn't have called. My bad for thinking that you actually gave a shit about David. My bad for thinking that you actually gave a shit about me. It's obvious to me now that there's never gonna be a middle ground." And with that, I hung up on him, slamming the phone into its cradle. Knowing that he would probably try and call back, I took the phone off the hook. At this point, tears were streaming down my face and I found myself feeling weak, exhausted and nauseated, and just as I heard the key turn in the door, signaling David's return from school, I picked myself up from the couch, sprinted to the bathroom in record time, and promptly vomited out the entire contents of my lunch. DAVID As soon as I stepped through the front door, I knew that something was off. First off, the phone was off the hook and that incessant beeping noise could be heard. Secondly, someone, presumably my dad, was retching in the bathroom. I didn't know what to make of the whole scene but I did know that I didn't want to deal with whatever `this shit' was, right now. Deanna had fucking dumped me, two weeks before prom and I was on the verge of failing math...again. And on top of that, I was worried about my dads' state of mind. Ever since uncle Matt's party a few weeks ago, I felt as if I had to walk around on eggshells with my dad. I mean whoa...I couldn't believe dude had gone of the deep end like that, punching James in the face. I know if that was me, someone would have been laying up in a hospital bed but not James. He didn't even lift a finger back to my dad and for that, I respected him all the more. And when he held me, allowing me to just cry...man, that was the best. I mean boys aren't supposed to cry right? It was enough for me to have two dads, dealing with the smart assed comments from the losers in school occasionally but I wouldn't allow myself to come across as the stereotypical kid of gay parents, sensitive, swishy, soft. That was part of the reason I was getting into fights at school. I had an image to maintain and I didn't want anyone making the mistake of thinking that just because I had two dads, that in any way meant I was like them in THAT way. I loved girls, I loved sex with girls and I love doing guy things with my guy friends. Not to say that I was a people pleaser but in reality, I wanted to be accepted by my friends. I wanted them to want to be around me without having those questions come up in their mind: `Is he looking at my crotch?' `Is he gonna come on to me in the showers?' `Does he suck dick like his dads?' `Is he a faggot?' I know it sounds bad just even thinking about shit like that but I'm 16 years old and despite my school being all down with alternative lifestyles, what people say and what people do are two different things. In any event, I was dealing with a lot of shit at the moment and I wasn't ready to add this to my list anytime soon. And as heard the toilet flush, I turned back around, opened the front door and walked through it. JAMES "...son of a bitch" I couldn't believe that he hung up on me! I was at my wits end with this situation with Neil. But then again, I shouldn't have been surprised. As long as I'd known him, Neil ran off pure emotion. That was what made our relationship so passionate for such a long time. Damn...12 years. Even thinking about that number made me somewhat sad that things had run its course. And despite whatever Neil might have thought, I never wanted it to come to this. For the past twelve years my life had been Neil and David. Everything that I had done up until this point, had been for them....even the breakup. I know that Neil probably thought that this was some fly by night decision that I had made on a whim, but the truth of the matter was that I had thought long and hard about it and the impact that it would have on our family. That's right, I said `our family'. To Neil, everything was always `my, my, my', `my family', `my relationship, `my life'. That was one of the many reasons why we're in the situation we were in now. Many times in the past, I had tried to sit Neil down and talk to him about our problems. But being the idealist that he was, he refused to acknowledge that anything was wrong. One particular encounter came to mind as the final straw that broke the camels back. About a year ago, around the time that Neil and I had started to fight on the regular, we had gone out to dinner with some friends of mine. Now let me make one thing clear, Neil usually is an easygoing guy when he's around people he's used to. At times like that, he's charming, humorous and an all around decent guy to be around. The problem comes when you put him in unfamiliar territory. He becomes territorial, defensive and usually morphs into an intellectual asshole, plain and simple. And this was usually the case when it came to some of my friends. Usually my fellow social workers and Neil got along fine. They could talk shop for hours. Teaching strategies this and case study that. But for the most part, I kept most of my colleagues at bay because I wasn't fond of reliving the daily horrors of my job during my off time. So that in turn left room for me to bring in my homeboys or as Neil liked to refer to them, `my street peeps'. These were mostly ex-army guys that I had served with or guys that I had fixed cars with when I was a mechanic. All of them knew about Neil and me and for the most part, all of them were cool with it. Which made me all the more pissed off when Neil would start in on them as he had done that night. FLASHBACK As we waited at our reserved table for my boy Miles and his girl Chanel, I had felt Neil tense up beside me. I had gently placed my hand on his knee and turned in my chair to get a better look at him. "Babe, what's the matter?" I had asked. His response was in typical Neil fashion as he shrugged his shoulder and brushed my hand off his knee. I had tried to stay cool but to be honest, this shit had gotten old with me. These were my close friends and I had hated the fact that Neil would cop an attitude when I wanted us to spend time with them. "Fine." I had whispered in his ear, "be that way...I just think it's so fucking childish of you to be acting like this. These are good people and you won't even make the effort to get to know them." When he didn't respond, I had turned it up a notch. "You do fucking realize that I'm a nigga too, right?" And that ladies and gentlemen had done the trick. He had turned to me, his eyes blazing and his mouth slightly ajar, no words able to escape. After a few minutes, he had spoken. "Excuse me! Are you implying that I'm a racist? Don't even fucking go there James." But I had refused to let him go off on one of his self-absorbed tangents, so I cut him off. "Oh come off it Neil. Every time I suggest we go out with people `like me', you cop an attitude. You made a judgment call from the moment you met them just because of the way they look." "No!...I don't! They could be purple for all I care. I just don't like that fact that they're loud and brash and talk and dress the way they do. You're different the minute you get around them. You act different and you treat me different. You don't hold my hand and you don't kiss me and..." But I had heard and enough and my friends had just walked through the door. "Whatever man. Just don't go all snotty on them like you always do." And that had been the end of that. And of course, the night had been a reply of nights like it before, with Neil drinking more than he could handle, and coming at my friends like a deranged drunk. "So...Chanel, that's an interesting name...you named after the perfume or something?" He laughed at his own sick sense of humor but none of us found the direction of this conversation particularly funny. Before he could say another word, I interjected with some choice words of my own. "Neil, cut the bullshit. This is not the time or place." My words were low and said through gritted teeth so that neither Miles nor Chanel could hear, but they didn't need to hear what I was saying. I'm sure my facial expression was statement enough. "What!" Neil yelled, "I'm just trying to have some fucking fun! Damn, your friends can't take a joke!" By this time, it was clear to everyone in sight that Neil was beyond drunk. He may not have been falling off his chair, but his voice was loud, his eyes were glassy and his words came out tumbled. I had had enough. I turned to my boy Miles and extended my right hand. He took it we did the man shake. "Sorry about that man. We'll chill sometime next week, just the three of us." He looked over at Neil and shook his head before responding with, "Not a problem brotha. I'll call you." I sent Chanel a sympathetic look and she responded by giving me a smile. I knew she wanted to say more but we'd been down this road before and it wasn't worth causing a scene over. As they stood up, so did I, leaning over to kiss Chanel on the cheek and embrace Miles. After they left, I sat back down and crossed my arms across my chest. I was heated and I wanted so bad to get up and leave Neil's ass plastered across the table but I couldn't do that. This was my partner and David's father. Needless to say, I wasn't all that surprised, I shouldn't have been. This was who Neil had become. The proverbial perfectionist and drunkard. If he couldn't have things his way, then he would drink himself into a stupor, therefore diminishing any responsibility he would later have to face for his actions. And that folks, was what I had to come to realize. Neil and I, we were just two different people trying to make an improbable situation work. He had his personality and I had mine and neither one of us was going to change. I think that incident was most definitely the turning point for me. I had contemplated before, ending our partnership but now, after this, I was done contemplating. It was over. Comments for this and other stories are encouraged and appreciated and I do reply to all emails. My new email address is juniorj009@gmail.com Thanks for reading. Other stories of mine include: BEGINNINGS December 3rd 2002 YO B Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/ INTERACIAL Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/ Jan 2 2003 to-sir-with-love/ Dec 27 2002 heart-and-soul/ MILITARY Dec 21 2002 the-recruiter/ RELATIONSHIPS Nov 5 2004 story-of-us/ Jun 6 2005 redemption/ BI RELATIONSHIPS Dec 20 2002 graduation-day/