It's Fall, already.
The days have passed quickly. The autumn comes with regal ease, content to arrive with slow grace. Though the first leaves have tumbled to the soil so rich with rain, most remain green, fluttering in the strengthening wind. And so, though I'm wishing for that garland of reds and golds, I realize Summer is over. And Paris has taken his warmth with him. Everything is dying.
It's Autumn. It's Fall. It's his season.
Dorian has a glimmer of intention in his eyes when he wets his lips slowly and whispers, "You taste so good."
He hungers for me pressing his hand between my cheeks, spreading them apart and looking like he wanted feasting as though he was deprived his entire life. I look down at Dorian from behind. His naked body has never been so glorious. He has never been so alive as he was now. It's as though he knew this was his season. He no longer had Paris or Mist to contend with. He had me all to himself.
"That's it?" he asks.
"What are you talking about?"
He came over to me, it was awkward at first as he shaved me. His male servants helped. He got the most attractive ones, men with bodies and beauty that rivaled Mist. I'm wondering if he's doing this to distract me from Mist and Paris being gone. As though showing me there were other beautiful things in the world...including him.
It was something that only Dorian could do. Shaving me, rinsing me off, cleaning me for him. Getting undressed slowly, standing there hoping that I recognized just how mesmerizing he was.
And then he turned out the lights and got to business, after excusing his servants. I was on all fours on the bed as he kneeled on the floor and started by licking the entire length of my crack. I couldn't believe how much saliva this guy could produce...
"Tastes amazing," he tells me.
After a few minutes, my ass felt like it was dripping. He kissed and licked all over my cheeks and taint and sucked on my balls. After about 20 minutes we repositioned so we could both lay face down in the bed and he could bury his face in my ass. He slowly worked a finger into loosen me up a bit then began to tongue fuck me. It felt amazing. I started to moan and push my ass back into his face which drove him wild and made him lick and suck on my hole even harder. When his mouth needed a rest he would finger my ass and stroke my cock. After 2 hours of getting eaten and edged, I finally came. He then began to hump my crack, not penetrating but making friction a bit. After just a couple of minutes humping me, he shot his load and smeared it all over my back.
And then he laid in it, satisfied with himself.
"That was amazing."
I don't respond. When I don't respond he looks over at me.
I get up, "I'm just not in the mood."
"You won't let me in."
"I've always been honest with you," I admit to Dorian, "I love someone else."
"I told you," Dorian states, "I told you not to use the Dust. I told you it was a waste of resources. Now, look. You don't have Paris. You don't have Mist. You don't have your Dust."
He angrily gets up, shaking off his dick that's still dripping from the cum in order to make his way to the corner of his dark suit and make a drink from his personal bar. I sit up on his bed, feeling disgusting when I feel his man juice dripping down my back.
It would have been so easy to love him. Dorian wasn't the most romantic man in the world. He wasn't the most caring. But he was protective. He was ridiculously devoted to me. I knew that he did things because he wanted me to be happy. Well, happy was a strong word. He wanted me to be powerful. That was more what Dorian was focused on. He wanted power for us.
But that just wasn't enough.
"I feel so alone," I admit to him.
"We'll have a child. I have a distant cousin who has agreed to be our surrogate. We will have heirs. That should entertain you for a while."
He is drinking hard. It's clear that he's considered this for quite some time as I get further and further away from him emotionally. Perhaps he feels like this is the fix to it all. We'll just bring kids into this relationship. And that would be love. Perhaps that is what the Autumn Fairies did.
That just wasn't me.
"Dorian, I'm leaving."
Silence. I don't think he's surprised by it. All of a sudden he's gloomy again. All of a sudden he's detached and for a moment I think he doesn't hear me because he doesn't respond right away. He continues drinking in silence until it is all gone. He pours another one and drinks that one as well. The silence is almost numbing.
Out of nowhere, I can't stand it anymore.
"Did you hear me?"
"This isn't a good time."
"It's the only time."
Dorian turns towards me, "You don't get it. You using your Dust was a mistake. What did you ever wish for?"
"Not to be lonely anymore..."
"You were never alone, I've always been here," he states.
"You're an empty vessel," I state, "Someone who loves someone else because that's what they are supposed to do. Not because there is a reason. Passion without cause. Desire without fire. You don't understand what it is to be loved."
I think I'm hurting his feelings. If this was Mist or hell, even Paris for that matter they'd be able to express that. This isn't either one of them though. This is Dorian. And just like Dorian, he grows distant. He stands up and looks down at me, making sure to cast his tall shadow. Maybe he felt more protected in a stance like that. God forbid he looked weak. God forbid he showed any sort of vulnerability. He wouldn't even give me anger. He was too good for emotion. They were trivial things to him. He had to represent the Unseelie Court and the Unseelie Court was not known for their emotion. So he shakes it off and just stares blindly out.
"I may not understand love, but I do understand dust," he tells me as though the two are equal, "Your wish was a waste. Too vague. Haven't you read about using dust? All those days getting books from the Archives were a waste. You must be specific with your wish. As specific as possible. Now, look. Look what you've accomplished."
"So you admit it?"
"You admit that I'm alone," I ask him.
He pauses for a minute.
"If you want me to stroke your ego like Paris and feed you his Prince Charming bullshit, then you're wrong," he explains to me, "There are some real issues happening. I wanted to hide from you what was going on but I don't think I can anymore."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm telling you that the Spring Fairies, feeling afraid for their own lives have begun to tell humans that we don't have any more dust left. Not pure dust at least."
"Why would they do that?"
"The Spring Fairies have always been closest to humans," Dorian explains, "They feel as though a human uprising against Fairies will work out in their favor. It's what the Spring Fairies do. They are cowards after all."
I feel a knot in my stomach.
"A war is coming. We were able to stop a civil war. But this is something different. There are reports that humans have already started to use Tech."
"Tech is outlawed."
"Human tech is outlawed to keep us safe," he explains, "The more tech they use the more likely they are going to try to attack us. And who do you think the main targets will be. You, me...Dino if he is alive out there somewhere. Hell...those idiot Spring Fairies don't realize that they'll kill Cerulean too. For real this time. Humans can't be trusted."
An uprising could mean the end of fairies.
And in my heart, I wonder if we deserve it. But I couldn't think like that. I was a fairy now.
"The human threat isn't going to make me stay with you."
I get up. Clean myself off. Put my clothes on. The entire time Dorian is just staring at me desperately trying to say something but seems stuck. Maybe it's his pride. Or more likely it's the fact that Dorian was never really in touch with his emotions. It was how he was raised perhaps. Cold. Just like I should have been.
"You leave and you will be completely alone," he states, "There are no more Winter Fairies left. You do get that, don't you? I know how it feels like to be alone. It's the worst thing in the world."
He had a point. He had a damn good point.
But I couldn't stay here. I couldn't stay here in the Autumn Court pretending as though I was happy in this marriage. I couldn't stay here pretending as though Dorian was able to satisfy me in the way that I needed to be satisfied.
So I say the only thing I can say in a moment like this.
"I'll take my chances," I say.
I arrive at the Winter Court. In the front I see it. A chair. An empty chair sitting there. A throne made of crystals.
"Cold isn't it?" a voice states.
I turn and see Willow. She's made her way here almost immediately, standing beside me and looking up at the glass throne.
"What are you doing here?"
"The Master sent me here to return you to him," she explains.
"Well, I'm not going back."
"I guess I'm staying here then," Aunt Willow tells me walking up to the stairs that lead to the long staircase up to the glass throne and sitting on the lower ones, "Master Dorian has told me not to return without you. I don't intend to be punished."
I roll my eyes, "How obedient of you. You'll be waiting for quite some time though if you ever think I'll go back to him."
"He's not so bad. He loves you."
I give her a look. It's all I need.
Aunt Willow pauses. Thinks about it. Reverses and finds herself smiling at her own idea.
"He loves you in his own way," she corrects herself, "That must be enough for now. We must come to terms with Mist being gone. No matter how painful it is. No one returns from the Shadow Courts. No matter what you wish. No matter what you do. No one returns. They will spend the rest of their days like shadows on walls. Stuck between our world and the next..."
I shiver when she says it to me. I am struggling to hold back tears at that moment.
"I'll get them back," I state."
"I'll find a way."
She looks at me as though I'm an idiot, "You have no more dust. You squandered it. Stop this foolishness and return to your husband."
"Fuck my husband. I rule the Winter Court."
Just so she knows what I mean, I walk up the steps. I think it irritates her. She can hardly look up at me when I get to the throne and look out.
"There's nothing here. You see what loneliness can do to someone. You see what it did to Dorian..."
"I'm not Dorian. I'm not alone. Paris is with me. Mist is with me..."
"MIST IS GONE and you'll go back," she states, "You'll need protection. There's something coming. Something much worse than any fairy. That thing just so happens to be very, very angry humans. And do you know what happens to the ruling class? Well I guess I'm staying here then until you do."
I look over at Willow. This look on her face said that she was nothing more than an extension of Dorian. Her words come out more passionate than his ever could. She has more sensitivity in her eyes. But she was the same person. She was the same person who had put me in this position in the first place.
"I've been to the Shadow Courts," I tell Willow, "Maybe not physically but I know what it feels like. It's like a void. A dark void. A never-ending dark void that consumes everything, so you're left feeling nothing. Empty. Nothing to subside your hollow soul that creeps in the shadows, away from any other human life because it's emptiness is so consuming it cannot bear to pretend that everything is okay. I've lived feeling emptiness. Not knowing who I was. Not ever really fitting in. If you think I'm going to leave Paris in that place. You're wrong. If you think I'm going to leave Mist in that place. You're wrong. Those people who think I should be afraid should fear me. Because I'm not alone. I'm not alone..."
Willow smiles, "You sound so delusional. It's empty in here. You'll be begging my master to take you back once the enemies are outside of your door."
I hear something. Something was coming. They weren't footsteps though. Another sound. A buzzing sound.
Not footsteps. Flying.
All of a sudden figures come into the room and I know immediately that my dream has come true. I couldn't bring Mist and Paris back from the Shadow Courts using a wish. I'd done the next best thing...for now at least. The doors open as though the halls were welcoming them home. There are dozens of them. They are dressed in white and silver colors.
They bring with them extortionate trinkets of deep, lustrous gold and silken silver coruscated in the glimmering lighting provided, shooting beams of pure wealth into every corner of the lavish room.
I get up.
"Sit," his voice says, "That's your rightful seat."
When he says that he walks forward. I notice this beautiful woman at his side holding his hand. Her hair was a deep purple color. She takes a seat next to him. And then there was a girl. A girl with a defiant face and an elegant demeanor who follows closely behind them with a dress trained out with emeralds. I look at this man speaking and I'm not sure who it is but he is the first to take a knee to me. He's the first but he isn't the last. The room is full of fairies, unlike any fairies I've ever seen to exist before. Just as regal as the Summer fairies, but somehow just as severe as the Fall Fairies.
"King Morgan..." Willow whispers acknowledging this stranger.
My mother. My father. My sister. My court. They were all here...brought back to life.
I look over at Willow, "Go back to your Master. Go find the Spring Court and the Summer Court. Go to the angry humans. Let all my enemies know that anyone outside of my doors are enemies. And let them know the Fall will come to an end sooner or later. The snow will fall. If you are not family, you are outside. It's cold outside."
BOOK 2 : WARM BODIES IN WINTER COMING SOON