A wasteland...

That's all I could see before me as the dream began.

I know that Taryn always told me that vampire dreams were muchmore vivid, much more engaging, than human dreams...simply because mybrain was taking in so much more information during my wakinghours...

...But I was quickly learning to differentiate between my wakinglife and the super subconscious visions my mind was feeding me whileI was lost in the world of my daily sleep cycle. A waking dream. Animmediate interaction with the parts of myself that I might have beentoo frightened to tackle while I was awake, and thinkingrationally.

I think most people are afraid to self reflect...because they'reterrified that they're not going to like what they find once theylook within. Monsters lurk in the depths of our souls. They hidebehind the shadows that we never shine light upon.

I have a monster that lies within me.

Demons that I have yet to face.

If the Jeweler was right about anything at all...it was the ideathat I didn't really know myself as well as I thought I did. I didn'thave as much control as I wish I had. And when the pressure wason...and I was forced to make a spontaneous choice about what to door how to do it...

...I had no idea what that choice was going to be. Or whatmisfortunes they could possibly bring along with them if I didn'tkeep them under control.

I'm constantly looking at every battle through a muddied filter ofmy current emotions...and that scares me. Because my emotions aren'tstable. Not when it comes to my survival. Not when it comes to thisworld of darkness. And certainly not when it comesto Taryn.

I'd let the whole world BURN if it meant protecting the source ofmy love and happiness. Sacrifice would require no hesitation on mypart. Because...as selfish as it sounds...

...I'd rather Taryn have to suffer living without me...than mehaving to suffer living without him.

How psychotic is that?

In the dream, I found myself standing in a barren wasteland, theground beneath my feet was dusty, cracked, and dry. It stretched outas far as the eye could see in every direction. I could almost feelthe heat of a desert sun bearing down on me from above, and it nearlycaused me to break a sweat from its intensity.

I never felt so alone. So isolated.

And yet, my semi-conscious mind was drawn to look up at the fierysky above me. Surreal paint strokes of orange and red and sunsetcolors that were slowly becoming forgotten memories...images onlyrecognizable to human eyes, long gone. I could see the clouds slowlypassing over me, a gentle wind rustling through the locks of my blondhair. It could almost be described as peaceful...wereit not for the sense of dread I felt inside.

A few flashes of lightning streaked above, followed by the muffledboom of thunder. And I felt a certain 'calling' pulling me forward. Alight. A sense of being that I had experienced before...but it justwasn't strong enough yet to show itself in a way that I couldunderstand. What WAS it??? This light? This calling? This hiddenawareness that I had yet to find within myself?

As I forced myself to concentrate harder, the clouds above beganto swirl up and react to my determined focus. I wanted to know whatthis was. I needed to figure out what pieces of this puzzle I wasmissing. What was this foreign presence, and whatwas it trying to tell me?

I stared up into the clouds and I narrowed my eyes as I attemptedto mentally FORCE the world around me to give me the answers I was sodesperately looking for. And as the clouds began to spin, faster andfaster, I witnessed flashes of gold becoming evident in their silentstorm. Around and around it went...eventually forming a perfectcircle overhead. A circle of gold. Blazing bright. What are youtrying to tell me??? PLEASE...let me know!

Then...the sky seemed to darken. Really darken.Storm clouds began to swirl up and thicken until the light of thegolden circle above could barely be seen at all. They tumbled andflashed with thunder and lightning, a cold wind blowing towards me asI attempted to stand my ground on the barren wasteland. I had toraise my arms up to cover my eyes from the dust and debris that beganto rush towards me. I tried to look back up and reclaim my vision ofthe circle, but the storm was too fierce for me to see anything but adull glow behind its turbulent black mass.

There was something attempting to break through. Something wastrying to communicate. But...just as my mind was beginning to pick upon it, like a radio dial trying to locate a faint signal frombeyond...that glowing presence was suddenly replaced by anotherpresence entirely. Something much...much...moredestructive.

As the winds died down, I was able to look at the vast, empty,landscape before me...and I could see the silhouette of another boyin the distance. It almost looked as if her were a full mile awayfrom me, but I could see him clearly. He had his back turned atfirst...his head down. Then I saw a few reddish brown locks float upover his shoulders with an icy wind...just as he began to turn aroundto face me.

Even if he had been too far away from me for me to make out thedetails of his facial features...I'd never be able to forget thoseeyes. Their deep red radiance, their utter hatred...the pure evil inhis gaze.

This is my dream. Myworld...

What as 'Rage' doing here?

A tiny smirk crawled up the side of his face, as he looked upon mewith murderous intent. Even at such a long distance, I could feel himloathing me with every fiber of his being. The very horror of whatmust be constantly running through his irreversibly troubled mind wasenough to raise the hairs on the back of my neck. I could neverunderstand his level of perpetual torment. It ran deeper thananything that I have ever known before. We might have been the sameage...but the life he lived was tainted by more suffering and despairthan even I could relate to. Me...a child of abuse and bullying anddepression. It almost makes me wonder...if things had been anydifferent...

...If I was forced to deal with the kind of hurt and shame that hehad been forced to deal with in his adolescent life...

...I could be standing where he is right now. Full of a 'rage' allmy own.

"Justin?" Came a voice from the right of me. I turned myhead to see my beloved Taryn standing in the distance as well. Tearsin his eyes. Distressed and alone...equally far away from both Alecand I in this wasteland.

The moment he spoke, Alec turned his burning red eyes in hisdirection...fangs drawn...fists clenched. And with an ear piercingshriek that nearly shook the ground beneath my feet, Alec began torun towards Taryn as fast as he could. His anger pushing him with anintense adrenaline high as his nails grew long and sharp, a cloud ofdust being kicked up from his rapid approach.

I knew that Alec would rip him apart the secondhe got his hands on him! So I began to run towards Taryn myself! Asfast as my feet would carry me. Taryn was sooooo far away from us,but I had to get to him first. I*HAD* to!!!

Alec and I kept pushing ourselves to run faster and faster, eachof us trying to to reach the target before the other could stop us.And despite all of my efforts, all of my extras, all of mydesperation and focus...Alec was MUCH angrier thanI was! He burned that inner hatred as fuel, and I watched as theconnected shadows of the dreaded 'Beast' gave him an extra boost.Feeding off of his aggression. Tapping into the limitless reserve ofhis unapologetic madness.

His giant, black, wings spread out from his shoulders, increasinghis speed until his feet were lifted off of the ground. Alec tookflight, his claws outstretched, closing the gap between him and hisbrother much faster than I could manage on foot. And that's when ithappened...

That's when my desperation took control, and I welcomed the samebeastly shadows to take over my body as well. I gave into the rawpower of it all. The rush! The FURY! It burned at first...but I wasable to bear it just long enough for the shadows to crawl up over myarms as well. My body was consumed with the screams and the pain thatsurrounded me...both of us drawing from the same demonic source untilthe almost limitless energy became torn in an aggressive tug-of-warbetween us. I could feel myself getting faster...stronger.He was NOT going to hurt myTaryn! I won't allow it!

We raced forward...and the more the darkness seeped into my verysoul...the more powerful I became. The violence of it all wasintoxicating. I immediately became curious as to just how much powerI had...how much destruction I could cause. I could destroy Alec,here and now...and I'd never have to worry about him again. Tarynwould be safe. We would all be safe. And Dylan'sdeath will have been avenged...like it deserved to be.

I felt my fists tighten up into a ball as we got closer and closerto Taryn, and I prepared myself to make the decision to rip 'Rage'apart, once and for all. Enough is enough. He's never going to stopunless I stop him. So that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I know that Comicality told me to restrain the powers within me,that The Jeweler told me to control them...but, truth be told...

I know exactly what I'm doing now. I've neverfelt more in control in my life.

The shadows seemed to scream and hiss even louder, my wings andtail riping through the wind with a terrifying shriek of their own. Iclosed the gap between Taryn and myself just seconds before Alec wasable to get a hold of him...and the golden circle in the sky up abovebegan to shine so brightly that I had to squint to keep it fromblinding me completely! It actually broke through the dark clouds ofthe storm and illuminated the entire wasteland surrounding us.

But...was it a blessing it was giving me? Or was it awarning?

At that moment, Alec rammed himself into me at full speed, nearlycutting me in half...and with a bright flash of light and a roar ofthunder above...my eyes sprung open in the bed and I forced myself tosit straight up in order to catch my breath.

It took a few seconds for my vision to focus again. It still felta little blurry, bright spots from the glow of the sky halo from thedream. My pulse began to slow down. My breathing steadied. My bodywas still a bit cold from my sleep cycle, my body temperature stilltrying to return to normal. Well...'vampire normal', anyway. And whenI didn't see Taryn laying next to me in bed, I looked around theroom, relieved to hear the sound of the shower running in thebathroom. Everything seemed right with the world again. But for howlong? Alec isn't gone. I can feel him. Whatever parts of the Beastthat I have still swimming around inside of me...Alec is connected tothem too. How long will it be before he finds a way to track down theother half of himself. I probably never should have fought him in thefirst place. How to you defeat an enemy that gets stronger the moreyou feed him with your conflict, and your anger, and your pain? Ifanything, I might only end up making things worse.

I scooted back a bit to put some pillows behind me and leanagainst the headboard. My thoughts seemed so scattered.So...weird. It was a difficult task, trying tountangle them all.

But as my waking consciousness wove itself back into reality, Iwas reminded of the vision I saw just before going to sleep. Asilhouette...standing silently at the foot of my bed. Was it reallyRichie? Was I already asleep, dreaming, and just didn't know it?Maybe I imagined it. Or maybe...it was, like...a 'sign' or something.Is Richie in danger? Is something going wrong with his crossover?Jeremy told me that he was doing fine. I don't think I've ever seenJeremy excited about much of anything before...but he seemed to takegreat interest in Richie.

Then again...so did Trevor.

And that just can't be a good thing.

I heard the shower shut off, and Taryn was stepping out of the tubto dry off and everything, so I attempted to put on a decent mask ofnormality so as not to worry him too much. Taryn tries to hide itsometimes, but I can tell that he's a bit uneasy about what we'redoing here, and how it may affect me going forward. I keep the'supposed' truth from him in an attempt to maybe avoid the tragedythat the vampire scriptures keeps trying to make me believe is soinevitable. The last thing I'd ever want to do is put the idea in hishead that he would have to sacrifice himself for the greater good, orfor me and my purpose here in darkness. I just feel like I'd begiving him license to throw his life away when he really didn't haveto.

I can protect him!

I KNOW I CAN!!!

And, just like in the dream...I may have to tap into some trulydark places within me to do...but wouldn't that be worth it? Wouldn'tthe promise of Taryn's eternal love be worthy of me losing my controlevery now and then...if just for a little while?

The bathroom door opened, subtle wisps of steam flowing out of itas a very relaxed teen boy came stepping out of the room, drying hishair. His enchanting body, naked for a few brief moments until he sawme sitting up and wrapped the towel around his waist. Hehehe, evenafter all the time we've spent together, Taryn's modesty remains achuckle-worthy part of his personality.

"Hey." He grinned. "You're awake. You slept latetoday. I'm used to you getting up way before I do."

"Yeah..." I said, smiling at him. His wet hair sweepingacross his forehead. The fragrance of scented soap and shampoofilling my nostrils as he approached the bed.

He sat down beside me, and we shared a sweet kiss on the lips, sohappy to be together once again. "You feeling ok?" Tarynasked. I guess he saw a bit of conflict in my eyes. From the dream,from my confrontation with Alec, from...everything. In the shortamount of time that we've been boyfriends, I had become an open bookto him. He could always tell when something was on my mind.

"I'm ok." I said. "I think...I think I'm justtrying to process everything, and I feel like I'm a little slow onthe uptake sometimes."

"I can't imagine you being slow on much of anything. Hehehe!"He said. I gave him a 'polite' smile in response, but he could seethe fraudulent display of it right away, and leaned over to kiss mylips, bringing a genuine light to my patronizing expression. He thenscooted down in the bed and got under the covers to snuggle up nextto me. "You can talk to me, you know? I'm right here."

"I know." I said.

"So...?" He replied. "Maybe...before this 'Jeweler'guy sends somebody up here to snatch you away from me for the rest ofthe evening...we can just, you know...talk. Ikinda miss talking to you. Just babbling for hours and hours at thelot...no need to get out of bed? It was fun."

With a smirk, I held Taryn close and gave him a kiss on the lips."It was fun for me too."

I took a hold of Taryn's towel and pulled it off of him, tossingit on the floor beside the bed. "Hey!" He giggled! But Imashed my lips against his again before he was able to protest. Hisbody was so smooth and so soft to the touch. Every inch of him was asensory addiction that I found hard to resist...troubled mind ornot.

"I love you." I said. The words were so involuntary atthis point that I hardly found any surprise in having them burstforth from my lips anymore. It had just become a habit. A part of mydaily routine.

With a giggle, Taryn rolled his naked body on top of me and gentlyrubbed his nose against mine. "I love you too, baby." Hemoaned, and as both of my hands roamed over the sensual curve of hispert, young, mounds...pulling him into me as our tongues mingled withan erotic fever, I knew that I'd never be able to let him go.

Living without my sweet Taryn was no longer an option. Notever.

But...Taryn did eventually roll off of me before we got intosomething too hot and heavy to stop before reaching another one ofour intense, 'perpetually virgin', climaxes...and I saw him lookaround and reach for the remote control for the TV in our room.

I took it from him before he could turn anything on, and I tossedit across the room. "Hahaha! Justy! What are you doing?"

"No TV tonight! What happened to us just talking for awhile?"

"We can talk while the TV is on."

"What IS it with you and the television all of a sudden,dude?"

Taryn blushed, "Awww, c'mon! I haven't had any real TV accessfor over a decade now! I'm just...I wanna enjoythis while it lasts!" I playfully snuggled my face into the sideof his neck, causing Taryn to wiggle and kick in a ticklish reaction!"Ahhhh! Quit it! Hehehe! I'm being serious! I mean...our ownroom? A ton of channels to watch? Sunproofed windows for thedaylight? Warm showers? And not, like...the semi-warmshowers at the church by the lot, but...actual HOT water? This placeis awesome! I might as well get all I can out of it while we're here,right?"

He seemed so happy. So cheerful about it. But...I couldn't helpbut to notice the longing that came along with it.

"While we're here..." I said softly.

Not missing a beat, Taryn said, "Well...yeah. I mean...we'regonna be going home eventually, right?"

I didn't mean to hesitate...but I did. 'Home'. He was right. Evenwith all of the luxuries and the praise and worship that I could findright here in The Jeweler's skyrise...it still wasn't home. Somethingwas missing. Hell, everything was missing.

"Yeah..." I said. "....Home."

Taryn was staring up at the ceiling, his youthful exuberancebeaming with the bright radiance of his smile, and he said, "I'vebeen trying my hardest to send Doc or Bryson a mental message to letthem know that we're alright here, but I don't know if it got throughto them or not. The extra-canceling technology in this place is soconfusing sometimes. I don't know if they didn't hear me...or if theyjust can't answer me. Either way, I just hope that they know wereok."

Feeling my heart sink a little bit, I said, "You....you missbeing at the lot. Don't you?"

Taryn looked me in the eye, and asked, "Don't you?"

His eyes were hopeful. Almost intimidating in their gaze. Ihaven't been away from the normal comforts of life as long as he has,but I have to admit that I felt more at home in a dirty old car lotfull of rusted metal and loyal friends than I ever did in this bigcity luxury habitat. So I said, "Yeah...maybe just a little."

The admission made Taryn smile, sighing to himself as he laid hishead back on the pillow. "Right now, Rain would probably betrying to find a new way to hurt herself, and Gyro would just now begetting himself all dressed up to go out to the nearest dance club.Kid would be all cuddled up under Max while he tried to push himaway, hehehe, and Jun would be heading out to find a quiet place tomeditate for the evening." He said. Then..."This would beabout the time when Dylan would just be crawling out of Dion's truckwith the biggest smile on his face and..." He stopped himself.The hint of sadness falling down upon us both like a ton of bricks."...Well...you know...everything just felt like home." Hepaused for a moment, and then mumbled, "It's amazing how much adirty old car wreckage lot would feel more like home than...than allof this. You know?"

I was reminded of what Dylan told me, back in that laundromat whenwe last had a chance to speak to one another candidlyabout...well...the future. I thought about how he and Dion haddecided to get a place of their own. A chance to build a brand newlife for themselves outside of the lot, where theycould just be happy together and spend the next few centuriesenjoying the intimate embrace of true love itself.

And then I thought about what Taryn and I were doing here in thisplace...this supposed 'paradise' of normality...and how much Tarynwould never be happy here without the rest of his family to keep himsane. Abandoned junkyard or not.

How could I ever admit to not feeling the same way?

"Maybe we can go back for a while and pay everybody a visit."I said. "Just to say hi, and to let them know that we'realright."

"REALLY???" Taryn beamed with a giant smile. "Imean...just for tonight! I wanna catch up on everything that I missedwhile we were gone!"

"Sure! I think I want to go visit too. I miss the rest of ourfamily." I giggled, kissing his lips again.

"Well...I mean, is that ok? Can we just...'go'? Will theJeweler be mad at you, or...?"

And I told him, "MAD at me? Hehehe! We'renot prisoners in this place. We can come and go as we please. I'm the'chosen one', remember?" That seemed to make him SO happy! I wassuddenly smothered with kisses, and he threw the covers back, hoppingout of bed with his bouncy ass cheeks in full view as he raced overto grab some clothes out of the drawer and closet.

I'm not sure if I was really ready to face the other members ofthe lot just yet after all that has happened...but if it makes myboyfriend happy...how can I say no?

I mean...it's not like we're hostageshere....

...Right?