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Jared the Paramedic III ~ Redemption
Copyright © 2018-2019 Snowblind. All Rights Reserved.
Chapter 48: Breaking Point
THIS STORY IS COPYRIGHT © 2018-2019 BY SNOWBLIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. DISTRIBUTION FOR COMMERCIAL GAIN, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, POSTING ON SITES OR NEWSGROUPS, DISTRIBUTION AS PARTS OR IN BOOK FORM (EITHER AS A WHOLE OR PART OF A COMPILATION) WITH OR WITHOUT A FEE, OR DISTRIBUTION ON CD, DVD, OR ANY OTHER ELECTRONIC MEDIA WITH OR WITHOUT A FEE, IS EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED WITHOUT THE AUTHOR'S WRITTEN CONSENT. YOU MAY DOWNLOAD ONE (1) COPY OF THIS STORY FOR PERSONAL USE; ANY AND ALL COMMERCIAL USE EXCEPTING EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTIONS REQUIRES THE AUTHOR'S WRITTEN CONSENT. THE AUTHOR MAY BE CONTACTED AT: snowblind94@yahoo.ca
On Monday, Jared was in his office staring at paperwork, wishing to disappear to anywhere but here. Melanie brought the newspaper in for her cousin to look at. Jared took it, trying to read the expression on her face.
"Well, look at this way. We had a great day, enjoyed ourselves, and raised money for various organizations," she said carefully.
Jared looked at the front page to find the headlines and pictures about the Pride parade. He turned to the second section, and two pages in he found an article about the Essential Services Display at the sports ground. He sighed and looked up. "Well, we got great coverage from the local TV crew. But, this article looks like someone read something off Facebook and wrote about it."
Melanie was hesitant as she said, "The story on the second page about the parade explains the lack of uniforms, police, and people of faith as a protest by Pride to years of oppression by those groups. It's very clear none of them are welcome to participate in Pride next year."
Jared's face turned pale, then flushed dark red as he folded the paper neatly, and handing it back to Melanie. He looked up at her with tears forming in his eyes. His cousin moved in, pulled him to his feet, embracing him tightly. She rubbed circles on his back as she quietly said, "Jared, it will all work out in the future."
"I'm so tired of fighting. I'm so tired of everything."
"I know you are, but I've always been there for you cuz. I always will be too."
He embraced her tightly. "Why couldn't I have been born straight?"
"My god Jared, you haven't asked me that since you were a rug rat. I'm proud of you exactly as you are, the way the Great Spirit created you." It had been a long since Jared had cried on Melanie's shoulder, but he didn't hold back.
An hour later, Jared called Melanie, Dawn and Rob into the boardroom. Jared was sitting when they arrived... staring at a picture of a landscape on the wall. He turned in his chair and put his hands on the table, his fingers immediately began to fidget. Melanie knew this wasn't going to be good.
Passing out a memorandum on Bear Group of Companies letterhead, Jared started with, "I have made a few decisions which need to be implemented immediately." None of the people sitting with Jared had ever seen Jared use the letterhead before, let alone sign his name at the bottom simply as 'CEO and Owner'.
"First, all sponsorships or donations including free standbys for an ambulance cease as of today. This is a business, not a charity."
Rob was about to say something when Melanie gently touched his hand with hers. She shook her head slightly to tell him 'just don't say anything.'
"Secondly, all Pride donations, support and even the uniform Pride epaulets everyone wears for the month ends today. I will give nothing to a community which prohibits police, uniforms and people of faith to show their pride."
Both Melanie and Dawn remained emotionless as Jared was speaking. Rob was moving in his chair, unable to get comfortable.
"Third, the clinic at the Canaan Breck Centre will not change in its operations but remove the Pride flag from the outside of the building on the overhead marquee. Also, remove all flags and posters supporting Pride from the clinic part of the building. It is a professional medical facility, not a bulletin board."
Rob had heard enough, "Jared, isn't this very reactionary?"
In a very cold, emotionless voice Jared said, "I don't care. Melanie, send the same directions out to the rest of the Bear Group of Companies including the other ambulance services by email. We are a business, not a public service billboard."
Melanie chose her words carefully, "I expect that I should be heading back to the head office to work with John as all the messages come in asking if you've lost your mind or not."
Jared ignored her and continued, "Our support of Zane's outreach centre or any of the centre's program does not change in any way. But, if it's not one of Zane's programs, they get nothing."
"Lastly, I am taking leave of my job for an undetermined amount of time. I would suspect that my husband will join me, but it's ok either way. I have approved it for both of us."
"Jared, take some time off, please take some time off... but hold off on major decisions like this," Dawn pleaded.
"I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of conflict. I'm tired of being the piggy bank and the fucking scratching post for people who I thought were on the same page."
Rob was very concerned, "Jared, what are you going to do?"
"I honestly don't know but thank you for asking. I'm going to the cabin for a while, that's all I know." A moment later, Jared asked, "Where is Liam right now?"
"He was on a transfer of a patient to the city, but should be back any time," replied Rob.
"I'll wait for him in my office." Jared stood and headed to the door. Before he left, he stopped and faced the three shocked people in the room. "Thank you for everything you guys have done for me. Goodbye." He turned, opened the door, and left the room.
Melanie was already on the phone calling Grandfather to bring him up to speed. Rob was on his cell phone to call Liam, asking him to hurry up and return. Dawn was on the phone with John to tell him what had just happened.
Liam and Jared were cuddled together in the living room of their house at the village. Liam had picked Jared up in his office and brought him home. They had changed into shorts and t-shirts, but that was about all they had done. For the past hour and a half, they had been cuddled together in the chair. Shadow was curled up in another chair nearby, his eyes watching everything Jared did. Neither one of them had said a word, but if Liam tried to get up, Jared would pull him back against him tightly.
"Jared, you need to eat something."
"I don't want to eat anything."
"It wasn't an option, you need something to eat. Have you had anything since breakfast?"
"No. I wasn't hungry."
"Would you eat something light with me?"
"I don't want anything."
"Jared, pick something to eat. You are going to eat something."
After a long moment, Jared said, "Spaghetti and sauce."
Liam stood, then extended his hand to Jared. "Come on, we've always done everything together. Tonight is not an exception."
Jared looked at the loving eyes of his husband, and the emotionless blank expression on his face changed. He stood, being led by his hand he followed his husband into the kitchen to help make supper. Shadow lifted his head to watch Jared as he went into the kitchen, settling back down again as the two men began to prepare their meal. They weren't having a conversation, but at least Jared was answering when Liam asked him a question. Both were so engrossed in the meal, they were startled when a voice behind them spoke.
"I hope there is enough for four of us," Mathew said with hope in his voice. The two young men turned, a smile along with relief on Liam's face was obvious when he saw Grandfather seated at their table. Jared saw his grandfather, quickly running to embrace him. The tears Jared had been holding back rushed forward without hindrance. Mathew said nothing as his grandson climbed onto his lap sideways, his head tucked against his grandfather's chest. The old man held Jared tightly in his arms, allowing him the emotional release he had kept hidden for too long. Even after the tears had finished, Jared's eyes closed tightly as he finally felt safe, and protected.
All Mathew finally said was "Sleep", and Jared went out like a light. He looked at Liam and smiled. "You've done well with him. Jared hasn't pulled into himself like this for many, many years. This is how we spent a lot of time as he was growing up until he learned how to control it."
"Grandfather, what's happened to him?"
"You both do it Liam, but you released it all when you were cleansed the day you tried to give all your life energy to Jared. You both involuntarily absorb people's most intense emotions. Jared has been exposed to so much negativity, anger, and hatred he wasn't able to release it quickly enough or properly; it has overwhelmed him."
"I'm lost what to do."
"Your brothers are all sitting at the recreation building in the theater area, not even watching TV. Just sitting there not knowing what to do either."
"Please, help him."
"He used to come home from school when he was 7, crying. He'd been harassed all day by kids for not having a mom and dad. He was so sensitive to other peoples emotions, he had no clue why he was upset and angry so much. When he was 12, he told me that he was gay. He cried, asking me why the Creator hadn't made him straight like everyone else."
"I had no clue."
"He's burnt out, and I've been afraid of what might happen. He asked Melanie today as he cried on her shoulder why he couldn't have been born straight."
"Oh my god, all this over Pride?"
"Every person has luggage they conceal or hide from others. It's just human nature. Some of it's resolved, some of it's buried. This was a bit of both I guess. Had you heard about the memorandum of instructions he gave Rob, Dawn and Melanie?"
"He showed me a copy of it. I didn't say anything about it to him."
"Technically, I'm the Chairman of the Board for the Bear Group of Companies. I've modified his orders. I still have anything related to Pride removed, but the rest I cancelled. I mean other than you and him being on paid leave."
"Thank you, I will not leave his side until he's better."
"I know you won't, Liam. The love he has for you is mirrored by the love you have for him."
"I couldn't live without him, Grandfather."
"Nor he without you. We just have to get him back on his feet. Now, how about making that spaghetti, and don't forget the salad and garlic toast too."
Liam smiled, "No problem. By the way, you said for four?"
"Shadow of course. He loves spaghetti." Just the mention of his name caused the wolf to jump up, bounce through the living room and into the kitchen. He sat next to Liam, putting his big head on his friend's lap. Shadow's eyes were staring at Liam and were full of concern.
Liam scratched his head gently as he said, "I know, I'm worried about him too."
"Shadow likes lots of garlic in his salad and on his toast."
Liam smiled, "His breath is bad enough without garlic." Shadow stuck his tongue out at Liam.
"I'll sit here with my grandson, and try to link with him in the middle world while you make dinner. When it's ready, send Shadow for us if we're not back already."
Liam looked into Shadow's eyes, rubbed his snout gently and said, "We're in love with the same guy, aren't we?" The wolf nodded.
Mathew and Jared were sitting on a sandy beach, a fire burning in front of them. Jared's head was hanging down, his arms just hanging beside him.
"Jared, please speak with me, my grandson."
He lifted his head slightly, "Grandfather, if I was straight, Pride would've meant nothing to me all those years."
"If you were a wagon, you would be filled with cargo or people and pulled by horses. You are as the Great Spirit, the Creator created you. Both Nimanitôm and I are very proud of you, Grandson. You are a good person."
"I've been betrayed by everything I built."
"Jared, what has changed? You can't participate in a parade. You can't go into a women's washroom either."
"Grandfather, being First Nation with no parents was hard enough; I was lucky the Creator gave me to be your grandson. Being a gay First Nation was difficult on the reserve, but being a gay native in the city was harder."
"I felt your pain many times. Each time you shed tears, I dried them as I held you in my arms. Jared, I will always dry your tears, and hold you in my loving arms, looking after you until the end of time. I made that promise to you when you were young, and I make it again today."
"Grandfather, I cannot even describe the love I have for you, and the regret that you had to spend so much time raising me."
"It was a pleasure to raise you Jared, something I will never regret even when I walk the next world. There is nothing I would've rather done than raise you. You are my reason for being an old man. You give me a purpose to live."
"You could've done so much more with your life without me."
"I did exactly what I was meant to do. I raised my grandson, and I would do it again without any regret. Now, let's get to the real issue. Why do you feel betrayed?"
"We have worked towards concrete changes in people's vision and beliefs of what gay people are. We've worked hard to demonstrate that being gay doesn't mean you can't do the same job as everyone else. More people are understanding that being gay doesn't mean your a pedophile. We've tried hard to push that we're human and other than loving someone of the same gender, we're no different than anyone else. The Evangelists and right-wing extremists will never change their view, but we need to keep focused on helping our community solidify to meet our needs."
"I understand all that Jared, but how do you feel betrayed?"
"We've been derailed in our community vision by external forces, and it's created us versus them."
"How do you feel betrayed?"
"We've done everything by committee, communications with other gay organizations and even exchanged ideas. It was done through information, discussion and input from the community. I feel betrayed because our whole community has abruptly changed directions which affects its members without even a discussion. It has been done by extortion by blocking parades and holding the community ransom until they accepted the demands. Only then did they allow the parade to continue. If the people who blockaded the parade were holding their own event, and we had done that to them, that would've made headlines. That's what we gave into."
"Jared, is this any different than when a different political party gets voted into office? We've seen the new President literally undue everything of his predecessor. We've seen the same thing in Ontario now with the new Premier. The get in, and everything changes."
Jared thought for a long moment before he said, "But they were voted in, not held hostage."
"A change is a change. Not everything in this world is under our control. This may or may not be a bad thing."
"How's that?"
"So what happens when the parades continue, and no one really cares. The community continues without police, uniforms, military and people of faith. Is that good or bad?"
"Bad."
"In your opinion, but not others. So what happens if people begin to get upset about the changes taking place, they get together and form a group. The group creates discussion which brings change, and in the long run binds the community together even stronger. Is that good or bad?"
"That would be good, and that's the way it should've been done in the first place."
"Possibly, but the gay community is not one organization with branch offices, all under an elected government. It's all autonomous little groups spread across the country. I've had many gay friends I've visited with throughout my life. The best example I can say was a wedding I was officiating at. The group planning it couldn't even agree on the colour of the suits to be worn by the couple getting married. There were different opinions on the order of service, the menu, and even the music for the dance. The groomsmen, the families, and even the friends were all fighting for what they thought was best for the couple getting married. The men sitting around the table couldn't plan a trip to the supermarket for groceries, even if they had to do it."
Jared was smirking as he imagined everyone sitting around the table arguing. "How did it end?"
"They had been arguing for a while when they noticed the couple and I were missing. They found us in the next room talking about how they wanted their wedding to go. Basically, they told everyone that they loved them, but they would be doing it their way and it didn't require their consent."
"How did that go over?"
"A couple of them left the wedding party. A couple of them were really upset but settled down when they realized it wasn't about them. The rest just followed along, no problem. It was a wonderful wedding, in spite of all the problems in the beginning."
"So what are you trying to tell me, Grandfather?"
"What do you think I'm trying to tell you?"
"I understand that the gay communities are not organized like a government, that each one is looking out for itself. It would shock the evangelistic crowd that we all don't have a gay membership card and a world domination agenda."
Grandfather chuckled, "They've never witnessed you guys trying to figure out what to do on a Friday night or even what you want for supper. It's a great example of not being able to plan a night out let alone plan world domination."
Jared smiled, "Hey, I resemble that remark." Both men laughed, "But, I also understand everyone is fighting for what they think is best. Is this just growing pains in the community?"
"Possibly, but it depends on who you ask. Some consider it to be a positive step, others a step backwards. Everyone is given the freedom to make decisions, the ability to choose. But, they don't need your permission, Jared. They need to make mistakes, just like a child growing up. Mistakes cause pain, but they cause learning."
Jared looked down at the ground, "So you think it's a mistake?"
"I don't know, but if it is, they need to be allowed to make it. You can only control what you do, not them."
"My voice was not even heard in the discussion."
"Neither was Nelson Mandela's, but he kept repeating the same message over and over again. Finally, he made a difference."
"Grandfather, why was I born gay and not straight?"
"Next time you bump into Chad Running Squirrel, ask him."
"What do you think?"
"I think I'm a very fortunate old man not only to have a grandson who is gay and who I love very much, but an entire family of grandsons, all gay and who I love deeply as well. Every person is born the way they were meant to be. Think of it this way, any person can be born straight but the best were born gay. There is a planned set of pathways for you all to walk and hope that it happens. But, ekosi as the Creator wills it."
"Why do you tolerate me?"
"Because I love you and real love is unconditional. You have brought joy to my life from the first time I held you as a baby and you wet your diapers leaving my shirt wet."
"I did not."
"You did. Your mother and father were horrified you had done it, but I just laughed while I changed you. Love is unconditional, even when someone pisses on you. Remember that lesson, Jared. Love is unconditional, even when someone actually pisses on you figuratively."
"I am what I am today because of you, Grandfather."
"Possibly, but there's a lot more than just me at work within you. Now, let's go back to the real world. Maybe Liam will have supper ready."
"Thank you, I love you."
"I love you too Grandson, unconditionally."
Jared awoke on Grandfather's lap. He looked up and into Mathew's sparkling eyes. Jared stood up, walked over to his husband, and embraced him from behind. Jared leaned into Liam, kissing his cheek. Liam turned within his husband's embrace, returned the hug, kissing him on the lips.
"You're back with me."
"I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry about, I was just worried about my soul mate."
"We are going to take some time away, together, in the near future. I need to remember the world will continue without us trying to save everything."
Shadow stood on his back legs, his paws on both Liam and Jared's shoulders. He leaned forward, and licked both men's faces.
"I wasn't the only one worried. Shadow never left your side either."
"He never has left my side when I needed him. Now I have you, him and Grandfather beside me."
"How do you use this intercom thingy on the wall?" asked Mathew looking at the technology.
Jared laughed, "I've never heard you use the word thingy before."
"Liam taught it to me."
"It's a great word," Liam replied. "What do you want to do with the intercom?"
"Call the family to let them know Jared is back."
Liam stood, his eyes flashed white as he sent the message out to his brothers. "They're all coming over," as the door flew open and footsteps were heard.
Jared met them in the living room, where he was embraced by all of. Tears of joy and relief were shed by everyone. Liam put more spaghetti on the stove while others ran to get more bread and lettuce to help out. They came back with cheese, pickles, and whatever they had to help feed everyone. Shadow was sitting on a chair in front of a place setting, waiting for supper.
"You feed Shadow at the table?" asked Nikita.
Liam laughed, "Not usually, but I'm not going to wrestle him off the chair. Are you?"
"Not a chance," the young man replied.
"Besides that, Grandfather told me that Shadow likes extra garlic in his salad, his toast and spaghetti sauce."
The young Russian looked confused, "He eats salad?"
Shadow nodded yes, and gave an answer in growls, coughs and yips.
"OMG, I understood him!" Nakita said in shock. "He said he needs the roughage sometimes."
Trevor came running in from the living room, "Was that Shadow talking?"
Mathew held his hand up, "For those who couldn't, you now have the gift to hear Shadow. This gives him the opportunity to talk other people's ears off and not just mine."
The wolf looked over at Mathew, and stuck his tongue out. In wolf, he said, "I learned that from Liam."
After dinner and the clean up, everyone was sitting around in the living room in couples. Mathew looked at everyone, content that Jared was back with them again. "My grandchildren, we need to let this event with Pride teach us all a lesson which may be applied in many ways. Once, an elder was sitting under a tree overlooking a beautiful lake, watching the sun set. A man walked by and saw the elder sitting there peacefully and immediately began to yell, scream and insult him. This went on for a while until the man stopped, and waited for the elder to react to the anger he had directed at him. The elder remained exactly as her had been, peacefully watching the sunset over the lake.
The man increased his yelling, screaming and hurling verbal abuse towards the elder for the evening, through the night and into the morning as the sun rose into the sky again. Still, the elder said nothing.
Finally, the man ran out of energy, but he had to know what was going on. "Old man, why do you not react while I yell, demean, belittle, and insult you?"
The elder smiled and replied, "Because I don't accept it from you."
"You hear me now, you must have heard me while I was yelling at you."
"I don't need those things such as demeaning, belittling, insults or abuse. Why would I hear them?"
The man was confused and angry at the reaction he wasn't getting. "But I said them to you, you heard them just like you hear me now."
The elder replied, "The demeaning, belittling, insults or abuse remains with you, not with me."
"Those words were screamed at you, how would they remain with me?"
"Suppose you offered someone a beautiful necklace, and they didn't accept it, with whom does the necklace remain."
"Well, they would remain with me because he didn't accept the necklace."
The elder smiled, his eyes dancing with knowledge. "Absolutely correct, the same happened with the demeaning, belittling, insults or abuse. When you arrived, you used all those insulting words but since I haven't accepted any of the words you offered, they remain with you. That means I have no reasons to be angry."
The man thought about it for a few minutes before he sat down near the elder. Together, they watched the beautiful lake and the movement of the sun. The man had learned that to respond to anger accepts it as yours. Inner peace, love, and acceptance are the best way the live your life."
Mathew looked at all his grandsons and said, "Both sides of any issue need to learn this lesson. Let the demeaning, belittling, insults, or abuse belong to those who try to give it away, not the person they aim it at. You can't control what is thrown at you, but you can control your reaction or the acceptance of it."
Jesse smiled, "Thank you, Grandfather, for your words of wisdom."
Mathew stood, "I need to take leave of you my children, plus I need to speak with Melanie, Rob and John to assure them that my grandson is doing well now."
Both Liam and Jared reacted quickly, by embracing their patriarch tightly while giving him a kiss on each cheek. Both also said, "Thank you."
Grandfather moved towards the kitchen, turned suddenly and said, "What's that out the front window?"
Everyone quickly went to look but saw nothing. When they turned around, Mathew was gone.
Patrick looked at Jared, "I thought you said we can't do stuff like that?"
"Are you going to tell him that?" Jared asked.
"Not a chance, I don't want another super wedgie from him."
End of Chapter Forty-Eight
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