“Wait let me
get this right. The most popular girl on this space station and
probably one of the most popular teenagers in the United States wants
you to become her boyfriend? Is that what you're trying to tell me
right now?”
I'm talking to Dre. I'm so stressed out.
Dre is in my dorm right now. He's laying on my bed cuddled up with
me. I hate the fact that we are right back to doing this but I need
him right now. Jae Jae isn't anyway where around and even if he was
I am not comfortable talking to him about this. No one knows I'm
gay. No one in the world except for Dre and now Bambi.
“That's what
she says.”
“You don't even look the part...”
“Thanks for
your vote of confidence.”
I roll my eyes. This isn't
helping my self esteem. I've never been the most handsome guy in the
school. I never really cared about my looks. I was basic Mario.
I've always been basic Mario and nothing about me really stood out.
There was nothing at all.
Dre must realize he
hit a nerve because all of a sudden he pulls me close on the bed at
that moment, “Don't get me wrong. You've always been
beautiful...to me. Inside and out.”
“You mean
that?”
I look over at Dre.
“C`mon.
Don't make me start with all the gay stuff,” Dre gets
embarrassed, “What I'm trying to say is you are handsome in
your own way. These people though...they are like human dolls. Look
at Jax and Greg. It's like some gay teenager designed them in a
laboratory somewhere. They are trying to be these prototypes of
perfection. That isn't reasonable.”
“So you don't
think I should do it?”
“Now I didn't say that. I
don't think you have a choice. I don't think either of us have a
choice.”
I lean off the bed at that moment. I care
about Dre. I've always cared about him. Right now it's just hard
though. Here was a boy who had always been there but always felt
like I had to hide who I was. I thought about how my mother would
respond if I told her I was gay. It may not have been that bad. Dre
kept scaring me all the time with these nightmares of gay people that
came out of the closet and ended up committing suicide because
everyone hated them. What if that wasn't the case for everyone
though? What if some parents were ok with it?
“I don't trust
that girl.”
“Listen just play the role,” Dre
explains, “If you do...we can probably spend more time together
and no one will suspect anything being that you have a
girlfriend.”
“You think?”
“Yeah
of course I think that. Matter of fact. I was thinking what if I
got back with Daniella.”
Immediately I can feel my heart
racing. I'm beyond pissed at that moment. Dre was talking about
Daniella. Back in the day Daniella was a pain in my ass. She was
this annoying ugly chick who Dre always went around with. Dre was
way above that but he always felt like Daniella was just easy. He
felt like Daniella could be his beard.
“You're fucking joking man,” I respond to him.
I jump off the
bed. I'm HOT right now. He supposedly snuck on this space station
to be with me and now he was talking about Daniella? Really?
It's
making me wonder if he's been telling me the truth. What if all of
it was a lie? What if he really always intended to just steal the
ticket for himself?
“You'll have Bambi. I'll have
Daniella. No one will suspect us being together. That works out
perfect.”
“No. It's not perfect. Bambi and I
have an agreement. Daniella is in LOVE with you Dre. What the
fuck!”
Just at that moment I hear the key in the door
and I know it's Jae Jae. The door opens in the next few minutes and
Jae Jae walks in. He's not alone. Kaysha is with him. The two of
them have been spending a lot of time together lately without me
around but I'm not thinking anything of it...yet at least. So when
they walk in the room together and see Dre and I standing in the
middle of the floor looking like we just got in an argument they seem
like they aren't in the position to be asking too many questions.
All four of us just stand there awkwardly in the room for a minute.
Dre reaches over
breaking the silence and tapping me on my shoulder, “Think
about what I said ok?”
I don't respond as Dre walks out of the door at that moment. I'm just watching him leave silently. I don't get why it is that Dre always has a way of getting under my skin.
I'm just breathing heavy at that moment. I'm scared. I'm nervous.
“Do you
want to talk about it?” Kaysha asks.
“We're here if you do,” Jae Jae states.
It's clear something is happening. I've never been good about hiding what I'm going through. I wear it on my face. I'm distressed right now. Dre is planning on going back to Daniella. Him and Bambi just want me to play this role of a straight guy. They want me to pretend to be something that I'm not and both of them are pretending that I'll be happier.
So why come it just feels so wrong?
“I'll be fine
guys. I'm ok.”
I know my friends don't believe me. The
look in their eyes are look of worry but I try to brush it off and
listen to Kaysha's latest gossip. I know my world is going to turn
upside down at some point but I'm just hoping the artificial gravity
on this space station will be able to hold me down.
A week quickly passes. Dre isn't as alone as he always is. He has been hanging out with Daniella. I see them at lunch sitting together. He sits with all of Daniella's friends but every once in a while I see him glare across the lunch table and look my way. I just turn away. I'm beyond mad at him. He wasted no time jumping into that relationship. Bambi knowing about us has really scared the fuck out of him clearly and he's trying to play this straight boy as hard as he can.
Then there's the Dollhouse. I've been avoiding all of them as much as I can. I change my seat in Astronomy class and when I have the class I see Jax just turn once to realize that I'm not sitting by him. I don't trust him after what he told Greg at the party. I don't trust any of them.
Bambi has gone back to completely ignoring me. I'm wondering if she has changed her mind about me being her fake boyfriend. I hope so at least.
That is until I see her in the Laboratory Module.
“Mario...I've
been looking all over for you.”
Shit. I know who it is
by the click of her heels. I know who it is by the smell of
luxurious scents as she approaches me from behind. The voice sounds
like deep and yet feminine at the same time. It has this power and
class about it. My heart beats when she sees me.
At this point I
am studying rocks that one of the probes brought back from a nearby
comet for my Geology class. Bambi doesn't hesitate to drop her heavy
purse hard on the table and completely break up my session.
“I was a little busy,” I tell her.
“Well
you'll make time, I'm sure. Get up.”
“Whoa whoa
whoa...I'm not that girl Chyna who you can just boss around. I told
you that I was busy, didn't I?”
I roll my eyes at that
moment and readjust my microscope.
“You know
what's funny?” Bambi asks me, “You know what just really
tickles me?”
She is tossing her long hair back and
forth. Her weave looks like she has about 5 or 6 bundles of hair in
their. The hair is all over the place. The bouncy hair flows
between her heavy finger nails as she straights a few of the end
curls. She's teasing me. She thinks this is all some big game.
She is really
bothering the fuck out of me. I don't look up from the microscope
but respond in the most salty way I possibly can, “I'm not
sure, but I feel like you're going to tell me...”
“That
boy that was fucking you...he has a girlfriend now.”
“SHHH!”
Fuck!
I look around. She isn't even whispering. She is about to
completely out blow up Dre's entire life and she's doing it with a
smile on her fucking face. I can't stand her at that moment. I am
tempted to actually grab her and put my hand over her mouth. There
are a few kids a few seats down in the laboratory room that I'm in.
They are at the windows using telescopes to peer out into the galaxy
searching for one thing or the other. If they do hear what Bambi
just said they aren't really reacting to it at all.
“Right so
riddle me this, batman. Why would a cute guy like him be dating that
troll? I don't know her name. I think it's Dalyn,
Dorian...”
“Daniella,” I correct her.
“Oh yeah.
That bitch. Well funny thing is obsessed with me. She'd do anything
to have me acknowledge her. A lot of the lames on this stupid ass
space station are like that. What if I told her you guys had the
same boyfriend.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I'm sweating at this point. This isn't just about me. This is about Dre. I could be mad at him at this moment but I would never want him outed like that. Daniella knew everyone in our neighborhood and Daniella had a big fucking mouth. She would ruin Dre when we got back to Earth.
I can't do this at this point.
“What do
you want?” I finally tell her.
At that moment Bambi realizes she has me. I can tell she has claimed victory because of that sick smile that spreads over her face.
Her skinny
finger and long fake finger nail point at me and curl a few times,
“Follow
me...”
========================================================================
“You know my
godmother is Patience Crane.”
“I don't know who
that is.”
“Oh god you're such a loser. Patience
Crane is a legend. She taught me everything I know. She tells
me...you can make anyone see anything you want them to see. Beauty
is in the eyes of the beholder. And power is just controlling the
lens of those eyes. Speaking of eyes. Change his eye color. Give
him come contacts. I want something natural. A light brown. I want
him to look exotic...”
Bambi is standing there next to me at that moment. She has her team working on me. They've been working on me for hours. I've fallen asleep and woken up to realize they are still working on me. These people aren't students. These people seem like they are part of the crew or something. At first I recognize some of them were following Mia Laperla around. Bambi may have borrowed some of Mia's glam squad. I'm sure that's what it is now that I've come to think of it.
Before I realize it I'm getting hair cut, manicures, pedicures, teeth whitening, waxing and all this other shit. The pain is something that I have not experienced in my life. I've never done this much manscaping in my life. I didn't think it were possible.
There is a stylist at that moment that brings me all these clothes.
“We need to
make him look fierce,” Bambi states, “But masculine at
the same time. I want him to the sex appeal of Jax Christopher but
the swag of my brother Greg Hampton. I want him to be the the
perfect merger of the two.”
“We'll make it
happen...” the stylist says.
“You
better.”
Bambi is threatening a woman who clearly seems
almost twice her age. We are in a part of the space station that
I've never seen before. It is close to the laboratory module but of
course Bambi and her friends seem to have special access to parts of
this ship that no one else does.
I look over at
the clothes and I see the price tags.
“Those
clothes were brought here?”
“Did you think that
there weren't stores on the ship?”
“I mean yeah
stores but like for Doritos and like chapstick...”
“Hunny
the basics can have their Doritos and chapsticks. I wasn't going to
space or anywhere without the possibility of buying labels.”
“I
can't afford...any of that...”
I'm being honest. I'm
completely broke. Bambi looks me up and down at that moment and then
says, “Clearly. Don't worry though. It's me. You're my
little project. Here...wear this...”
I change one time
and then another time and another time. Bambi is waiting for me
outside of the room. When she says that I'm her project she isn't
joking. Bambi is literally watching everything that I wear as though
she is dressing a doll. It's throws things on the ground when she
doesn't want them. She throws things at me when she wants me to try
them on. There are two piles of clothing at this point.
The pile of clothing that she wants her Man Doll to wear and the types of clothing that don't make the cut.
“There...that's
the look...”
The stylist is
looking at me, “Who knew there was a hot boy under all that
basic-ness...”
“I fucking did,” Bambi takes
credit almost immediately.
Bambi is just
staring at me. Her entire team is nodding at their work. I don't
know what they see but in a matter of minutes a mirror is rolled out
and my mouth drops open.
“Who...the...fuck...is that?” I ask looking at my mirror.
For the entire weekend I'm kept in a different area of the space station Bambi doesn't want me to go back to my room to sleep. She says that all my old stuff will be thrown at anyway whether I like it or not. She says that I won't need them. She says that I'm a new man. I feel kind of taken away from the world. Bambi says she doesn't want me to get distracted by what she refers as the “last seasons”. I don't know what she means by that. Half of the mean girl terms she uses fly right over my head.
I've changed. I know it. I'm don't even feel like the same person.
“Are you ready?” Bambi asks.
It's Monday.
I've skipped all my classes for the beginning of the day. We wait
ten minutes so that we know that everyone else is in the lunchroom.
The lunchroom is the same as it is in every high school even if we
were in space. These were the gathering grounds. According to Bambi
the lunchroom was the most important place in the school.
“I'm
nervous.”
“Get over it,” Bambi replies
immediately pulling me forward, “Try not act like a fag...ok
sweetie?”
Bambi has me by my hand. She is pulling me
into the lunch room at that moment. And at that moment I begin to
realize how important this moment is. I mean all the guys on this
space station were intimidated by Bambi and no one wanted to approach
her. Then all of a sudden here comes a boy who literally seems to
drop out of the stars and he's holding Bambi's hand.
The entire
cafeteria is watching. People have literally put down their forks.
There aren't even that many whispers.
You could drop a pin and hear it.
The only sounds are
Bambi's triumphant clicking of Louboutin heels next to me. She is
holding my hand and stands straight. I try to stare straight the way
Bambi and I rehearsed just yesterday but I can't. I find my eyes
turning to find my friends.
There. There she is. Kaysha
and Jae Jae are at a table by themselves. Kaysha looks over at me
with an open mouth. Jae Jae just looks completley confused at though
he's trying to decide it if it is really me or not.
I lean over to
Bambi, “Can I go say hi to my friends for a minute?”
“Not
now...”
She grabs my hand and pulls me at that moment.
I turn and try to wave a little bit to Kaysha. Kaysha is too shocked
to even respond. I am following behind Bambi over to the popular
table. I'm following her to the table that Jax, Greg, Pia and Chyna
have taken reign over. The table sits in the middle of the room so
all eyes are on this table.
Bambi gets to the
table and looks over at Chyna, “Bitch. Move...”
Chyna
gets up from the table almost immediately and leaving space for Bambi
and I to sit. I kind of feel bad for Chyna but then I realize she's
nothing more than a bitch herself.
“Whose. Is. This?” Greg asks.
He's looking
dead in my eyes. He doesn't recognize me.
I don't blame him. My hair has been cut and for once I can actually see my face under all the facial hair. A perfectly lined goatee has been sculpted into my face. It perfectly outlines my face. I have extremely light 'man-makeup' as Bambi likes to call it to contour parts of my face. It's not really noticeable and Bambi says once my skin starts clearing up with the acne routine she gave me I won't need to wear make up at all.
“Mario...” Jax says.
Jax looks at me.
He's sitting directly across from me. At that moment I'm blown away
that he recognizes who I am. He's looking deep in my eyes. Our eyes
connect in the same way that they did back then. He still sees
me...even through the transformation...
Pia looks over
at Jax, “The same Mario that...”
Jax nods, “Yeah
the same Mario.
“What the...” Pia starts off.
She is the most shocked one at the table. She just looks annoyed a little bit. Greg is smiling at me. Jax is even giving me a slight little smile.
“Yo...tell me those pants aren't the Givenchy Cuban Fit Leather Panelled Denim jeans?” Greg asks me.
“Yeah actually
they are. The limited edition ones. My shirt is Marc Jacobs. My
sneakers are the Salvatore Ferragamo ones...”
“Nayon
Gancini?” Chyna asks standing up behind me.
“Yeah those
are the ones.”
“I didn't know anyone had those...”
Greg replies, “That's fly man.”
Jax is just
looking at me from across the table. If Bambi was trying to get a
reaction and a grand statement at that moment she is definitely doing
the thing.
“Don't forget about your watch baby. It's a Rolex,” Bambi states.
“Baby?” Jax asks.
He seems confused. He looks over at me as though wanting an explanation but this entire thing was rehearsed by Bambi. I wasn't going to ruin her little coming out as of now. It took me forever to memorize all those goddamn labels. I wasn't going to speak when I didn't have to.
Luckily Jax is cut off by Pia who clearly seems to be bothered. She is glaring bullets at me at that moment.
“Aren't you like from the ghetto?” Pia interrupts at that moment.
Bambi smiles at that
moment, “Pia that's a nasty word.”
“Yeah Pia
what the fuck?” Greg states at that moment, “Who cares
where he came from? It's where he's at. Stop being a fucking
hater.”
“I'm not hating...I'm just...I mean...what
the fuck...just a few days ago...”
Pia is struggling to think of words. The others are clearly looking a little annoyed at her at that moment but Pia is struggling to think of something to say.
“You look
nice,” Jax cuts her off mid sentence.
The compliment almost takes my breath away. A part of me wants to thank him and say something nice about him as well. That was the nice part of me but the other part of me is still pissed about the fact that he told Greg that I got hard because of him.
He crossed a line and I just still feel betrayed.
So I try my best
to grunt a little, “I know I do.”
He isn't
expecting that.
“Confident too. I like him. Why come
I never met you Mario?”
Pia is annoyed. She
has good reason. Greg was definitely making the most fun of me at
the party and then all of a sudden he was catching a convenient case
of amnesia. I don't know if it's because he honestly doesn't
remember me or if he does actually remember me but he's too ashamed
to admit that he was just fucking bullying the guy who has the jeans
that he's been wanting.
“You did meet him!” Pia
says at that moment, “This is the same guy at the party that
you were calling a fag...”
“I say that shit all
the time. I don't mean it,” Greg says, “Right Jax.”
“It
was still uncalled for,” Jax responds.
Now all of a sudden Jax wanted to stand up for me? I can't stand it.
“Well hey guys. It was nice to re-meet all of you. I actually have to get to class,” I respond.
“We have to chill some time,” Greg tells me.
He's being an ass kisser right now.
“Maybe. I'll
see. Hey baby. I'll see you later.”
I lean in at that
moment and I give Bambi a kiss. It was planned that I kiss her like
this. The kiss is as long as I can make it. I pull her close and
make an attempt to make this seem passionate.
=========================================================================
We are in astronomy class class next. Peter has us matching up words and feelings or some hippie type shit. The teacher is like the classic hippie. He's trying to make us really get in touch with our signs and see what they really mean. I find myself returning to my seat next to Jax. I want him to feel uncomfortable with the new me. I want him to squirm.
I can see him trying his hardest not to look over at me. It's not working. He looks over at me through the corner of his eye. I turn my head and almost catch him. He looks down at his paper.
I look down at my paper.
Jax turns again and looks over at me.
“You do look nice, you know that?” he tells me.
“You said
that.”
“Look you don't have to be a dickhead about
it,” Jax responds, “You always looked fine. I'm not
naive like the others. I know what's going on.”
He's
whispering to me at that moment. I don't know what Jax is talking
about.
“What are you
talking about?”
“Bambi is up to something. Admit
it.”
“I don't know what you're talking about,”
I tell him.
Jax looks at me. He leans back in his chair.
“C`mon look at
me. What do you see?”
I saw a handsome dream man. He
was beautiful. He was everything that someone like me probably ever
dreamed about having but would probably never get. He was that
unattainable star that you just lusted over in high school but never
really had the balls to talk to. He was the guy who had it all. He
had the guy who never seemed to lose. He always got exactly what he
wanted and more. Jax was EVERYTHING.
I shrug attempting
to look as cool as possible, “Just a normal guy.”
I'm
lying out of my teeth. I can't even look at him. I'm staring at my
assignment burning holes through it and making the hardest attempt to
pay attention to what I'm doing.
“Really?
Normal huh?”
“I mean. You're ok, I guess,”
I reply.
“Whatever.
You know what? Whatever I am...I wasn't born this way. They turn
you into this. These people. They turn you into it. And every
moment you are selling a part of yourself to be that perfect person.
You do realize that right?”
I'm a little scared at that
moment. I put down my pen. He was making me nervous.
“Jax let's not
play this game like you don't have everything that you ever
wanted?”
“Is that what you think?” he laughs
at that moment, “You were...everything before this. I mean you
look nice. Maybe more attractive but you were just as attractive
before all of this shit that Bambi did to you...”
“You---you
thought I was attractive?”
Was I hearing this right?
All of a sudden my heart was in my throat. The boy of my dreams just
said that I looked attractive. He wasn't even saying that I looked
attractive now with my makeover. He was saying that he was attracted
to me before.
“I mean. You were...god...that sounded so gay didn't it?” he asks laughing a little bit.
“No. I
mean. It's not gay to say someone is attractive. I mean. I'm not
gay and I think you are a very attractive guy. I mean any girl would
be lucky to have you. More than lucky...”
I'm looking
at him deep in his beautiful eyes. Fuck Jax is sexy. He stare at me
with his slightly slanted eyes. His light brown skin seems to
glimmer in the artificial light as though he was on a sandy beach.
He reflects everything around him. He seems to brighten up my soul
just by staring into me. He's reaching parts of me that I don't even
know his lips.
We are staring at each other in this class for seconds. It's so strange. It's so fucking sexy how we are doing it.
I see him biting
his lower lip at that moment and it DRIVES me fucking crazy as he
chews on it clearly getting a little nervous.
“This is
awkward,” he laughs a little bit.
His pearly white teeth flash at that moment. Fuck they are beautiful. He is beautiful.
“It is...”
“You're still staring at me like that though...” he says.
“Like
what...”
“Like how I'm staring at you,” Jax
replies.
I don't know
what he means but he's right. I can feel it.
“Ok...you
guys can leave now!” Peter announces at the front of the
class, “Make sure that you come back on Monday with three pages
worth of information regarding your Moon sign.”
People
start to leave the class at that moment. Peter interrupting us seems
to snap both Jax and I out of this staring contest. We are back in
reality now and we aren't looking at one another.
Life seems to go back to normal until that is when Jax grabs me by my hand. He pulls me close. He pulls me really...really fucking close at that moment and whispers into my ear.
“I don't know
what she has on you but it's not worth it. Get out...get out while
you can.”
The look in Jax's eyes is one of complete
fear. He walks out of the room at that moment as quickly as
possible...leaving his warning behind.
And his warning is loud and clear.
Get out...get out while I can...
To read the next chapter now go to www.crushedcrown.com