This Strange World Needs A Kicking! – Ch. 6
By Laura S. Fox
Copyright © 2021 Laura S. Fox
All Rights Reserved
Gay Romance
Intended for Mature Audiences Only
This story will contain graphic depictions of sexual intercourse, strong
language and it is not meant for readers who are less than 18 years of age.
Consider making a donation to Nifty by clicking the little blue button
on the front page, as they help us all enjoy so many great stories, while
aiding authors like me to display their work.
Chapter Six – ...Is No Flatscape
Kai was thankful for
Prince Sebastian's cold blood, as it looked like he was incapable of blushing.
The minstrel walked forward, brushed his fingers across an instrument that
looked like a lyre, and began singing in a loud yet quite pleasant voice.
He's Prince Sebastian, and he fights evil
No one in the world's his equal
He's the most handsome; he's the bravest,
And all know, he's also the lewdest
Oh, gawd,
it was starting. Kai covered his eyes. Was everyone just pulling his leg and
laughing at him now? He was itching to jump to his feet and order something
idiotic like `off with his head' while pointing a royal finger at the
unfortunate entertainer.
The son of a goddess,
Loved by many,
Eyes will undress,
And it's not uncanny,
That his royal shape
Especially from behind
Is no flatscape
And not unkind
Not unkind? How long must
have taken the minstrel to come up with that stupid song? And how long was it
supposed to take to sing it and be done with it? Kai let himself sink into the
throne and began wrapping his long hair around his head and covering his face
in an effort to obscure the entire world and hide his shame.
He's Prince Sebastian, we all adore him,
But we all know that our chances are slim,
To have him notice just one from the many,
But, wait, what do I hear...?
He took on a lover
Someone to keep his frozen heart warm
And him safe from falter
Alas, we are grateful to be spared the storm.
The minstrel attacked the
chorus again, and now the court joined in. Slowly, Kai pulled his knees to his
chest, hoping to make himself little enough that he could disappear. Defo, it would have been much better to have teleportation
instead of ice magic at the moment.
Everybody was having fun,
except him. And the frigging assholes showed no signs that they would get tired
of singing about his butt anytime soon. Wait, they weren't singing about him,
but Prince Sebastian. Well, there was some comfort in that thought.
Someone patted his
shoulder discreetly, and he disentangled himself from his own hair to look at
Pepin.
"Do you like it that
much, Your Majesty?" the servant asked. "I've never seen you so... impressed."
Yeah, impressed was just
the right word. Thank you for nothing,
Pepin.
"Yeah, I'm totally
impressed. Just give the man a cookie." Preferably a diarrhea-inducing cookie.
"And let's get out of here."
"A cookie?" Pepin
blinked.
"Or a coin, or more. You
know better how much he should get, right?"
More like a foot in his
un-royal behind. Yeah, Kai smiled, that would be a much better compensation for
pulling off a stupid song like that.
"You really enjoyed it,"
Pepin said cheerfully, painfully, and obviously unaware of what made his master
smile.
"Yeah, sure," Kai said
brightly. "Now what do I have to do to make him stop?"
"Just raise your hand."
"Like this?" Kai did as
told, and the minstrel fell silent, along with the entire court.
That was more like it.
Everyone's eyes were on him, and they were all holding their breath, the
minstrel included. Now, that was fun. And his arm wasn't hurting yet, so he
could hold a contest to see who would be the last man or woman standing.
"Your
Majesty?" Pepin asked cautiously. "Sebastian?" he whispered.
"What?" Kai whispered
back. "I'm just starting to have fun. For real, they won't breathe until I put
my hand down?"
"You know that very
well."
All right, so maybe some
people were getting a bit pale. Kai dropped his arm, and a collective exhale
rushed through the vast throne room.
"Now tell the minstrel
what you thought of his song," Pepin said in a tense voice.
"Do I have to leave a
review? Really? All right. Minstrel Wadeki," Kai said
loudly, pleased that he had remembered the guy's name, "your song was quite
interesting. Next time, more about fighting dragons and less about my butt. Are
we good?"
The minstrel nodded and
curtsied frantically. "Yes, Your Majesty."
Kai turned toward Pepin.
"Give him what you usually give him."
"But you're the one who
usually throws the coins."
"Throw? That's a little
rude. Like how? On the ground?"
Pepin presented him with
a large bag of gold. Kai sighed. "But if I begin throwing them around, aren't
they all going to try and get as many as they can?" He gestured around the
room.
"That is how you always
do."
"Really? And how many
fatalities are registered each year?"
Pepin didn't appear
capable of understanding the question.
"Never mind. Minstrel,"
he gestured for Wadeki to come closer, "here's your
reward." He grabbed a handful of coins nonchalantly and placed them in the
man's palm.
The look of perfect
astonishment in the man's eyes was funny. Kai began snickering.
"What? Too little?"
"No, no, Your Majesty. I'm grateful." Wadeki
threw himself at his feet.
"All right, this is
getting awkward," Kai said slowly and pulled his feet away from the minstrel's
grabbing hands. "Are we finally done here?" he asked Pepin again. "Just
instruct whoever you need to instruct to give everyone food and drinks. Is that
how it's done, right?"
Pepin seemed at least
half as astonished as the minstrel who hadn't yet gotten to his feet. "I will
see to it right away, Your Majesty."
"When you're done, just
come to my room," Kai ordered. He needed to ask Pepin about the dragon cave he
was supposed to visit tomorrow. As overpowered as he was, it could be that he
wasn't completely invincible. And seeing how he was going on his first quest,
he didn't want to end up as dragon food.
And he was beat. He had
never worked so much in a day in his entire life. But it didn't feel that bad.
Except for his royal backside that got a little numb for sitting in that throne
for hours and that stupid song that was also about his backside, he was feeling
pretty damned good about himself. He had helped lovers get married, neighbors
avoid cutting their throats over wandering goats, and a minstrel earn his keep
for another day. Well, the last bit had been awful, but apparently only for
him.
Yet, the tune was pretty
catchy.
His royal shape
Especially from behind
Is no flatscape...
He hummed as he walked
toward his room. Or chamber? Did they call it a chamber? He needed to brush on
his vocabulary. Having Pepin blink, frown, and grimace at him every time he
said something weird was getting old. He needed to sound more royally.
***
Kai walked down a long
corridor while checking the place for any available corners where he could
turn. It was a bit funny that he had ended wandering the hallways and getting
lost. He had no idea where his room – the royal chambers – was, and it wasn't
like he could just ask someone. Pepin put up with his weirdness, most probably
because he was head over heels with Sebastian – for unexplainable reasons
except that the guy was a total hunk and this was a BL show. But others might
get suspicious over their leader having turned into a senile overnight and not
knowing where his room was.
A hooded figure appeared
at the opposite end of the hallway. At least, there was an end, Kai thought.
There was something strange in how the hooded figure moved, though, like he was
floating over the polished floor. Hmm, that was weird. Wait, he still had to
figure out who had summoned him to this world. Suspicious hooded figures had to
be handled with care.
Kai hurried toward the
mysterious person. The hooded figure stopped, waiting for him.
"Hey, I know this may
sound crazy, but did you summon me?" Kai asked.
The robe opened, and Kai
barely had time to step back. The sight of a metallic glint bouncing off a
blade was enough warning for his body to react. He jumped back, and the blade
slashed through the air. What the hell? Was that an assassination attempt?
But he was an
overpowered...
"Hey, cut it out," he
warned, as the mysterious figure rushed to him with the obvious intent to stab
him.
He jumped out of the way
just in time. Ah, he could just use his ice magic and turn that assassin into a
popsicle. Yeah, that was a good idea. How did he do
that, again? Ah, right, he needed to focus, only that it was a bit difficult to
do that while jumping around to protect himself from that nasty-looking
blade.
Didn't he have a sword?
He touched his belt and unsheathed a long saber.
"Yeah, noob, come at me
now," he said and pointed his sword at the assailant.
If he was overpowered,
then he had to be a master swordsman. The assassin had to know it, too, because
he hesitated.
"Thought so," Kai said
cheerfully. "Now taste my steel or something."
He grabbed his sword with
both hands, but just as he dashed toward the hooded figure, someone came from
behind and pushed the assassin to the side, smashing him against a wall. The
red coat was a giveaway.
Now, why was Conrad
coming to the rescue? Didn't he hate him? Kai watched as Conrad fought the
assassin, trying to find an opening. His first sword fight – all right, sword
versus dagger – and someone had to ruin it for him. Still, he didn't want to
end up slashing Conrad through by accident.
Conrad grabbed the robe,
and a dark-clad figure slid away from it, making the other fall face first. The
assassin ran and disappeared at the end of the hallway in a split second. Kai
considered rushing after him, but then he noticed Conrad slumped to one side
and holding one hand over his stomach. His coat was red but not red enough to
not let the blood show.
"Oh, shit," Kai said in a
noncommittal voice. "Why the hell did you have to get between me and that guy?"
Conrad grimaced, and his
face was all sweaty. Oh, no, this wasn't good. Kai knelt by Conrad's
side.
"You could just thank me
for saving your life," Conrad breathed out while his face contorted in pain.
"I was doing just fine
before you rushed in and threw yourself into that asshole's blade. Now what the
hell am I supposed to do with you? I don't know any healing spells, do I?"
Conrad removed his hand
to let Kai see the long red line splitting his coat and skin. "Just freeze the
blood here," he said faintly.
"Is that safe?" Kai asked
worriedly.
"I don't know how deep it
is," Conrad said. "Just do it. If I bleed too much... I'll die."
"Well, if you put it like
this," Kai said. "I hope I'm not going to freeze your liver, too, while at it."
"Just... do it," Conrad
hissed.
Kai pushed Conrad's coat
out of the way and focused on the gash. The blood turned into icicles, and
white tendrils began spreading. "All right, I think that's enough. Now wrap
your arms around my neck so that I can get you to your feet. Pepin should know
more about what to do. How do we get to my room?"
Conrad didn't question
why he had no common awareness of his own castle. "Through there," he gestured.
Kai grabbed him and
forced him to his feet, and then propped Conrad's weight with his own body.
"Don't worry, buddy, we'll make you as good as new."
To his surprise, Conrad
began laughing softly. "You're so strange sometimes."
"Yeah, yeah, you must
imagine it because of all that loss of blood," Kai said quickly.
It was rewarding to see
how easy it was for him to drag a dude the size of Conrad after him. Still, he
didn't have time to think about such things, as he needed to find his room and
Pepin fast. He was no doctor, but he could bet that just freezing a wound
wasn't that great a strategy to take care of such a serious problem.
***
"I must inform you that
I'm summoned tomorrow at Milo's house to study," Sebastian told the mother as
soon as he reached home. Operating the elevator by himself had been quite the
experience, but it was in his blood to be unafraid of the unknown.
The mother was in her
room, reading something while already in bed. She wore something over her eyes,
a metal frame of some kind, and took it off when he entered after knocking
politely. "Kai, are you all right?" she asked.
"Yes, thank you for your
question."
"Did you suddenly decide
to practice being polite?" She smiled.
"I don't understand."
"Never mind. So, are you
and Milo really going to study tomorrow? I know you don't care much about
school, but you should at least consider graduating. I don't dare to say
anything more."
Sebastian was intrigued.
"Please, do dare say."
The mother abandoned the
book she was reading. "Come and take a seat here." She patted the bed.
"I would rather stand."
Mrs. Martin sighed. "I
know things haven't been easy ever since your father passed."
Oh, that explained their
situation. The family's patriarch must have fallen in battle.
"Do you need someone to
put food on the table?" he asked directly.
Mrs. Martin stared at
him, a bit confused. "Are you offering to do the groceries, or are you making
fun of me? Just so you know, Kai, you're not that funny right now." She wagged
a finger at him in warning.
"It is quite obvious that
this family is down on its luck," Sebastian said. "Tomorrow, I will do some
hunting. We will not go hungry."
With that, he addressed
Mrs. Martin a polite `goodnight' and stepped out of her room. She was still
staring in obvious surprise when he closed the door behind him.
Now, he had more
important things to learn about. He took out his phone. "Soon, we will be alone,
and you will spill all your secrets," he whispered.
***
"Milo's here," he heard
the mother's voice from behind the door. "Are you still asleep?"
Sebastian woke up and
stared around, feeling completely disoriented. He had talked to the phone all
night long to learn about the proper way to speak like a high school student,
as well as about studying, along with many other wonderful things.
"Just let him... I'm
coming!" he yelled, remembering that his natural way of talking was considered
too formal for this world.
He pulled a shirt on and
a pair of pants and rushed to the door.
"I have to go to work.
Make sure to grab at least a sandwich. I left enough for you and your sister on
the table," Mrs. Martin said quickly.
He nodded without
questioning anything from what he had just heard. One thing he had decided was
to keep quiet when there were things he didn't know and just ask his phone
about them later.
Milo appeared from behind
his mom. "Dude, what the hell? You're still sleeping?" he asked cheerfully.
Sebastian ran his hands
through his hair. "Yo, dude," he said, too, putting
up a stiff arm. Hmm, he had to be more relaxed while talking like that. More
chill.
The mother shook her
head. "You two, make sure you're not running late, okay?"
"We won't run late, Mrs.
Martin, I promise."
It looked like Milo could
assuage the mother's worries with just a few words. Sebastian decided that it
was a skill he should master, as well.
He pulled Milo inside
after bidding a hasty farewell to the mother. "What classes do we have today?"
he asked.
Milo snickered. "You're
hopeless, right? Math, chemistry, and physics. And the bane of our existence."
He made a face as he had just had sour grapes. "French."
Sebastian searched his
brain. He had also studied some literature last night, but he knew at least the
basics of the topics Milo mentioned. And he hadn't found French that difficult.
In his world, he was a master of foreign languages. His superior intellect
helped a lot, too.
"I'll go wash," he
informed Milo. Now he knew what a shower was, and he considered it a pretty
marvelous invention, as well. To have a waterfall indoors sounded like
decadence, but it appeared to be a common occurrence in this world. Also, it
was an enjoyable experience.
When he returned, Milo
was stretched on his bed and had a silly smile on his face. He kept one hand on
his lower belly and looked dreamily at Sebastian. "I've dreamed about you last
night."
"I studied," Sebastian
said promptly.
"You did? That's a
first." Milo snickered like he found that amusing.
"I must graduate," he
said.
"Well, yeah, that's true.
Come here," Milo said and blinked lazily.
Going to school was part
of the graduation quest, but it looked like Milo didn't care about such
priorities. Last night, Sebastian had stumbled over some peculiar videos, and
he had found himself in the impossible situation of being aroused and having no
one to help him get rid of it.
He climbed on the bed and
placed one hand over Milo's crotch. "Yours appears to be of a good size," he
said as he fondled the young man's manhood. It had to do for what Sebastian had
in mind.
Milo pushed his hand away
and laughed. "Oh, man, you're something." He hesitated for a moment, but then
he grabbed Sebastian by the front of his pants, too. "And yours is not small, either."
They had no time for
that. Sebastian only wanted to assess the situation. And the situation, well,
was quite satisfying. Even if Milo wasn't schooled in the art of lovemaking,
with what he had, there was promise that he would become a most pleasant lover.
He surely didn't lack
passion. Milo bit his bottom lip and grinned. "I can't wait. I thought about it
last night, and man, I want to do everything you want to do. I even stopped by
the drugstore this morning, for, you know." He wiggled his eyebrows and
winked.
Ah, drugstore. Milo
wrongly thought that one of them would need the help of miracle potions that
caused their manhood to grow. Sebastian didn't believe they required such a
thing.
"You don't need it. And
neither do I," Sebastian said sternly. He found such magic at least a bit
disturbing. What was gained had to be gain through natural means. Like he got
his ice magic from his mother, the Ice Goddess. The size of one's manhood
didn't have to be modified using obscure means. He was starting to think those
vivid images of nude men were following him everywhere.
Milo stared for a moment
at him and then burst into laughter. "If you say so. I have a feeling we'll
need them, though. A lot of them." He wiggled his eyebrows again.
Sebastian consulted the
time on his phone. Among its many uses, the magic item was also capable of
telling him that. He had already decided that he would carry the phone with him
all the time. It was as trustworthy as his sword, and, in this world, people
didn't carry swords, as far as he could tell.
Preoccupied as he had
been with studying and learning about arousing topics, he had failed to find
the needed time to establish an important aspect.
"Where do you go to hunt
for food?" he asked Milo.
Ah, he must have said something
strange again. He looked at his phone and typed in the question. "Ten best
places to hunt in --" he began to mumble.
"What would you like to
eat?" Milo interrupted him. "I have all kinds at my house."
"I need to support this
family," Sebastian said. "I cannot rob your home of its supplies."
"Ah. Well, you still have
your part-time at the supermarket, right? If you care about helping your mom
with grocery shopping, maybe you can get some discounts. Wait, is the situation
that bad? I thought your mom worked full-time."
"It's rather vexing... It
pisses me off," Sebastian reformulated quickly, "that she has to do that."
Milo shrugged. "You told
me she loves her job. And that it's not like you don't have money. Everything
you make goes on video games and manga, and I never heard your mom complain. Or
you."
Ah, well, maybe they
still had their pride as the house of Martin. He would have to figure out
things without Milo's help. He didn't appear aware of the direness of the
situation, and Sebastian believed that Mrs. Martin shouldn't be made to feel
ashamed about their household's situation.
"Don't tell me," Milo
said teasingly, "that now that you got yourself a boyfriend, you suddenly feel
all responsible and grownup?"
"What boyfriend?"
Milo chuckled. "Me." He
pointed at himself.
Well, he was a boy and a
friend. Hardly a boy, though, Sebastian thought, while giving Milo another
once-over.
"You are so totally
undressing me with your eyes," Milo said in a funny voice and laughed. "Now
let's go or we'll miss first period."
"Sure."
"Don't forget to grab
your sandwich. And your sister."
"Do I have to?"
"She's a freshman at our
school. Of course you do."
If that was what he had
to do, he had no qualms with it. He put his uniform on, ignoring Milo's
annoying whistles, and walked out of the room. Tani
was already in the kitchen, wolfing down her sandwich.
"What took you so long?"
she asked with suspicious eyes. "Don't tell me you two kissed all this time."
"No," Sebastian said
sharply. "And a young lady like you shouldn't ask such questions."
Tani
rolled her eyes. "Sure, grandpa."
Puzzled by her words,
Sebastian hurried to correct her. "I am not your grandfather. I am your
brother."
Tani
stared over him at Milo. "Did he hit his head?"
"Not that I know of,"
came the reply.
"I didn't hit my head,"
Sebastian intervened sternly.
Tani
shrugged. "Just my luck to have a weirdo for a brother. But, don't worry," he
patted him on the shoulder, "you're my only brother, so I love you."
Sebastian stopped and
looked at her.
"What?" she laughed. "You
know I do."
"If your
thirteen-year-old sister tells you that, you should believe it, man," Milo
chimed in.
Love? That was a strange
word to throw around.
"Now, tell me," Tani whispered, ignoring him completely, and her whole
attention trained on Milo, "did you two, you know?"
"You're only thirteen.
You're not allowed to know that." Milo took the liberty to pull Tani's pigtails upward, making her look like a
rabbit.
"Almost fourteen," she
objected and pulled her hair free from Milo's hands. "And it's not like I
didn't know you two were suspicious."
"Suspicious? In what
way?" Sebastian asked.
Tani
rolled both her head and eyes to stare at him. "No girlfriends? Spending all
your time together? And you're already eighteen? Bruh,
that's pretty sus."
"For your information,"
Sebastian began, "until yesterday, we didn't even kiss."
Tani
stared at him for a long moment and then began shouting. "I knew it! I knew
something was up! You two were staring at each other with lovey-dovey eyes
yesterday! Who's the seme? Who's the uke?" She turned around fast, looking at Milo, then at him,
and then back at Milo.
"Man, are you spilling
the beans to your sister like this?" Milo complained.
Sebastian looked around
and saw no beans spilled. It was probably a way of saying that he shouldn't
have told Tani about how they kissed.
"I didn't know it was a
secret," he said primly.
"A secret?" Tani started again. "Don't you dare keep secrets from me!"
If only she knew who he
truly was. That was quite an important secret her brother was keeping from her
right now.
"Come on, my dudes," Milo
said, grabbing him by the shoulder and taking Tani's
hand. "We should get to school today."
"Why are you holding my
sister's hand?" Sebastian asked.
Tani
burst into laughter. "You're barely boyfriends for a day and he's jealous.
Don't worry, big bro, I'd never steal your boyfriend. Sister honor."
That wasn't what he
thought. It was just inappropriate for a girl her age – and a princess on top
of everything – to hold hands so casually with a commoner.
But, as he had learned
from his mistakes already, he chose to remain quiet.
TBC
Author's note:
If you like
this story and you want to support me while writing it, here is my Patreon account:
https://www.patreon.com/laurasfox
My patrons
receive early access to chapters, complete books, bonus stories for finished
series, and other nice extras.