A Love So Star Crossed 8

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This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or events is purely coincidental. They are productions of the author's imagination and used fictitiously.

This work may contain sexual acts performed. Please check your conscience and the law before you proceed.

*** 15 Mar 2013, Aestivator:

Chapter 8 is here. Again sorry if you’ve waited too long.

A Love so Star-crossed

Chapter 8 - Doubting

“Why is this taking so long?” I complained. My impatience showed; there was no holding it back.

“Driving on the highway feels so good!” To Jeff, this was more like an adventure purely for fun. To me, this was a quest of love.

There were still ten miles to go according to the map, but Jeff didn’t even display any hint of tiredness after a refill for car and hours of non-stop driving. I was exhausted myself, though my mind strove to stay awake and prepared to exit the vehicle the moment we arrived.

“There we are, East Side School,” Jeff reminded. I nodded and unfastened my seat belt, ready to face the day.

The first thing I noticed as soon as I was out of the car was the sky. It was light blue and completely clear. Behind me, mountains touched the sky. The horizon was clear and seemingly without end; we’d driven a long way out here. Although home was in my heart, I knew this was where I was supposed to be.

There weren’t any other buildings in sight. Having parked the car in an almost-vacant car park, we walked through the open front gate and inhaled the clean air around us. I had mixed feelings. Even when surrounded by blessing nature, there was a certain degree of loneliness to be found if I looked really hard. Visiting that territory without Max was unwise indeed.

Christmas was over, but left-over decorations still remained in this place.

We arrived at the main building where there were even more decorations.

“A mistletoe. Isn’t that lovely?” Jeff said. He added, “Suggestion! You should wait for Max there.” I smiled, leading the way. I wish.

Occasionally we passed students and visiting parents, but still there was no Max. I grew a bit worried. I wondered if Max was really here. Even if this was really his school, did that mean he was here right now? He could be elsewhere spending the holiday with his family, missing me, missing us, while I was looking for him at the wrong place.

As we walked further in, the hallways of the administration building were quiet and chilly, filled with a creepy and distinctive aura that reminded me even more of Max. As we dove deeper into the evil territory, and we weren’t stopped or questioned by any staff on our way, we were engulfed by another kind of silence that was disturbingly and coldly overwhelming.

We made another turn or two and found ourselves outside the principal’s office. It was odd that the school was still open with limited staff during holidays. I figured it was a nice means to admit transfer students and roll in more profits – profits that probably would then be spent on renovation, because this place sure looked like a century-old farmhouse full of ghosts of the ancestral past.

Through the crack of the door shone the warmth of dim sunlight, and there…there he was.

Max. His hair was freshly cut, back to the spiky style he had during our very first encounter on the beach. In my heart grew reassurance and relief gradually, but there was also a deep shadow of consternation that went on stirring my delicate spirit, as I was only able to see the form and figure of the one that I loved. Not the entire Max. Not his fascinating confidence. Not his watery and lovely eyes.

At that precise moment, I wondered if it was all a lost cause. I just stood there in the cold corridor, wondering if there would really be a silver lining beyond all this penetrating anguish and misery.

He was seated on the chair closest to the wooden door. Sitting opposite him was presumably the principal, a cold-blooded devious evil witch, and next to him, probably his mum and dad, equally evil creatures obscured by the brightness of the glazing sun. None of them had a right to steal Max from me, for the two of us made a pledge that fixed our destined lives together, as one. I knew it was all chaotic thoughts and spoken words I’d whispered late at nights, surreal dreams and visions of us enjoying ourselves on a California beach, acting like mature lovers and counting romantic stars up in the heavens. I knew Max had never verbally committed to such a promise, but deep in my heart, and through his eyes, I always felt that he felt the same way. No. I knew that he felt the same way. It was a wordless pledge, an emotional connection that we exchanged since the day we met, and that second time we met on the beach when we kissed passionately with all our might under a starry night. I believed in him. I believed in us.

And they had no right to do this. Reality had no right to do this to us. Social values and backward ideologies were nonsense in the face of our love. But I was aware of the heartbreaking truth. It was Max’s parents who did this to us, his parents who were supposed to love him, and still I believed they did. Then this was all wrong. In my mind I couldn’t help asking the question derived inevitably from the contradictory truth – is this love? What is love?

Why couldn’t people understand? Why couldn’t Max’s parents see what Max and I shared as something beautiful, but not something sinister? Why couldn’t everyone be like my own parents?

It was then I noticed I was crying, and Jeff patting my shoulder, and pulling me into a temporary hug. He didn’t utter a single word, and I was more than grateful. Because he didn’t need to say anything. It wouldn’t be of any use. My predicament was one that only one person in the world could help me overcome.

As the weight of my body fell willingly onto Jeff’s much stronger frame, I was, for a moment, relieved, knowing that at least Max wasn’t gone forever from my life. Though the boulder inside my heart remained, though there dwelled a stirring pain, I promised myself I would make this right again. I would make everything right again.

Jeff and I exchanged a knowing smile, and finally we sat down on two of the chairs outside the room to eavesdrop on the conversation to the best of our ability. The volume of the conversation seemed to have soared temporarily; words were spoken much more loudly than before. It was as if they were arguing in hushed tones, because there was no more speaking; there was only forceful shouting. We decided to risk it all and got closer to the door and put our ears near the narrow crack.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I need my own room?” someone shouted.

Max.

“I’m sorry, Max.” It was a different voice. “I’ll try my best to assist you should any trouble arise. Just come to me at any time.” A pause. “But it is our school policy – new students must stay in a double room for at least one semester.”

A woman’s voice. I inferred that it had to be the witch from hell, though she sounded more like the witch from the Wizards of Oz.

“I need my own space! Am I clear enough for you to understand? You –”

“Max. I need to you to calm down. Right now. Calm down, stop talking, and start listening to what the principal has to say.”

Max’s Dad. How could I forget that deceitful, that hidden cunningness? How could I forget the night? How could I forget the pretend forgiveness and understanding, that sneaky way of pretending everything was all right, when in truth, he was thinking opposite thoughts and planning evil plans? I wanted so much to yell at Max, to remind him that this was the voice of a mask, and the evil underneath was a schemer at its best.

Max remained silent. There wasn’t even the slightest hint of an attempt to fight back; there wasn’t a single sign of resistance. He simply obliged, and listened.

And then the room grew into an atmosphere of absolute silence. Though I hadn’t a complete view of the actual scene, I could picture in head the awkward staring and the brewing potential for another outbreak.

I wish Max would just screw them all and come straight home right to me. Home is closer than you think, I wanted to tell Max. Home is just right outside, I wanted to say, just right beyond these devils, just a few steps away. My heart yearned for Max. I longed for his touch and his smile, and his thorough understanding of me.

As one minute invaded another, my ache only aggravated. But still in my heart I insisted. We had come this far. We would not stop until we reached each other.

Voices returned to the scene after a minute or two, and our eavesdropping resumed. Noticeably the argument was much less heated, which unfortunately meant it would be a lot harder to listen, because now it became dialogue in suppressed volume.

“I’ll say this once again. I have my own reasons for requesting a single room, and I believe doing this will also benefit the school. I’m merely saving you the trouble which I guarantee will disturb you and damage the reputation of this school.”

It was Max’s dad who spoke next. “Was that threat I heard, son? Apologize immediately.”

I heard Max sighing angrily. “I stated a fact. Nothing more, nothing less.” It wasn’t hostility in his voice, I could tell. It was just his anger at himself, and his confidence, the quality that made him who he was. It was such an important part of him.

For a few minutes the principal remained quiet. For a few minutes the conversation reduced into a two-way interaction between the father and son. Obviously, however, the two of them were achieving nothing ; they were just going around in circles. It was impossible to reach a compromise that satisfied either one of them, for both their grounds were firmly established and there was simply no room for giving way. I definitely stood by Max, if that meant anything at all.

When the witch did speak again, the question wasn’t directed at either Max or his dad. “So what do you think about this, Johnny. I want to hear you opinion.”

Johnny who? What?

“Johnny,” she repeated, “do you have a suggestion in mind?”

Who the hell was Johnny?

“That probably isn’t Max’s mum,” Jeff whispered. “I think it’s just another kid in the school.” I nodded, and went on listening.

Johnny was lost in thoughts for quite a while. When he landed back on earth, the answer was plain and clear. “I don’t have the money to pay for a single room.” It was seemingly unrelated, but it did force a decision out of an unsolvable quagmire. This very statement pretty much terminated the discussion.

Jeff elbowed me. “I think Max just did another long sigh!” he said. “Shhhh!” I shot back. “They could hear us.” I needed to see for myself how this would all turn out.

“Two weeks,” the witch announced, probably in her softest tone since I first heard her. “Max, you’ll be rooming with Johnny in the first two weeks when school starts. After two weeks, we’ll all be back here and try to figure out a final solution. Is that okay?”

Silence. Disturbing silence. I just waited.

“I think he nodded!” Jeff shouted. I shot him a warning. It was way too loud, what he said. I was afraid someone inside might’ve heard us, so I signaled for him to move away from the office and further down the hallway where we could both observe and flee easily if necessary.

So it’s settled, I said to myself. Max would officially start school here after the holidays. He would be forced to be separated from home. Separated from me.

But I could change this. “We need a plan,” I told Jeff.

“Sure we do,” he agreed, excited about what I was about to do, which was apparently undecided and totally unplanned. I didn’t have the faintest idea what I was going to do. I was sure about one thing though. Before there was an organized plan, I needed to remain patient and keep my distance from Max. In order for everything to work out flawlessly, I had to wait a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer.

When Jacob and I left the building, sunlight smiled at us. It was a good day. It would continue to be if my plan worked. Blinking at the giant sun and the blueness that occupied the sky, I saw hope. I began to formulate a plan and set myself a deadline.

There would be a “Max and I” before midnight. I would get him back today.

By the time the sun slid behind the shroud of the night and befell the sorrow of the forgotten day, we’d been following Max for five hours. I do have to admit it was fun. I was never among the unruly at school, but here I played the pervert, kind of just like what I did with Joel half a year ago. I was being sneaky and doing all the “wrong” things, but I couldn’t be more content. The feeling that we might be caught at any moment served only as an addition to the endless excitement, and to my expectations of Max, along with my longing for him.

I was getting closer and closer to what I was about to do, and how I was going to do everything right.

The first piece of information I found out was that Max would be here for the rest of the holiday and wait for school to commence on January. I overheard his father saying this was decided for him so that he could get used to this place. I reckoned it was just another voice of the mask. From my point of view, this was just an extension of the grounding. It was hard to imagine Max falling for that. Then again, he probably didn’t have a choice. His confidence never worked at his father.

The second piece of information I found out was about the other kid, Johnny. He was from a poor family with only one parent. His dad left him since when he was young, and his mum had been taking care of him ever since. He tagged along with Max and his dad, mostly in silence, returning sincere nods when asked about his life.

Now the three of them were standing under total darkness, outside a building with a waterfront overlooking a tranquil and incessant ocean. This would be beautiful, if I wasn’t in a hurry.

Max’s dad was the first one to speak. “So Johnny, is your mum able to afford the tuition fees?”

“Yes, she is,” he replied matter-of-factly. “You know it’s only a few years. I’m thirteen now, soon to be fourteen. I can help my mum in four years.”

“But how about college, you –”

“I want to, but my mum’s forty five now,” Johnny said. “She gave birth to me rather late in her life. She knew it was dangerous, but still she took the risk for me. I think it’s my responsibility to take care of her right after graduation.”

“But college is –”

“My mum comes before college,” he pressed. And this time, Max’s dad kept his mouth shut. Good choice. It was upsetting to hear about Johnny’s life. He and his mum were struggling really hard and I decided they deserved the best kind of fortune this world could ever give. But what impressed me more was his determination and care when it came to his mother. I wondered then, have I lost my childhood innocence and purity? Have I lost my kindness and good heart that only a child possesses? Am I still a child, or have I already grown up?

What Max and I went through was beyond our age and beyond ordinary boundaries, but was this degree of maturity sufficient to render us adults? Thinking about departing childhood was depressing, and deep in my heart I prayed that I wasn’t an adult yet. I was so desperately clinging onto adolescence.

But first and foremost, I prayed that I could kiss and touch Max soon.

“Are you done thinking?” Jeff asked. “Listen, the father’s speaking.”

“All right,” Max’s dad said in the middle of an ongoing chat, “I’m heading back to the motel and check out if your mum needs anything.”

And the conversation came to a halt, just like that. I could no longer see clearly the faces under this level of darkness. I saw Max’s dad waving goodbye, leaving two vague figures in the dark, wondering what the future would mean for them. I wish I could shout for Max, and tell him that his future was with me. But not yet. His dad could hear me. I couldn’t risk it. Not now.

Anyhow, the first part of my plan worked out perfectly as the dad was out of the picture. One more obstacle before Max and I reunited. Johnny. And Jeff had a plan for that. He even promised that he would take the kid as far away from the dorm as possible, leaving Max and me an empty room for our long-expected reunion, and leaving room for “interesting” things to take place.

I smiled at the moon then. Finally after such a long journey, Max was back at my side. Finally after weeks of torture, the love between us was complete once again. I recalled what Sebastian said about stars, and how chaotic this universe really was. I decided to forget about all that because right now, right here, Max and I were peaceful and happy in this tiny corner of the solar system. Well, not right now, but fifteen minutes or so later.

It wouldn’t be long.

The narrow corridors confused me, but it didn’t take long to find Max’s room. I knocked on the door of Room 387, which earlier I overheard earlier was Max’s room, but there was no response. I turned the doorknob, and strangely enough, I got it open without a key. Max probably forgot to lock it. He had to be nearby.

Inside the room the air-conditioner was on, which was weird considering it was winter. There were two beds inside, each next to a different wall. It took me one second to figure out which one belonged to Max because on the bed near the window was a blanket I recognized from Max’s house. Without a second thought I hopped on the bed, pulled the blanket and covered myself with it.

Max was going to get the best surprise of his life, and we were going to have a wild night now that Jeff had somehow convinced a newly met stranger, Johnny, to go on a ride with him around town and visit the downtown clubhouses. I hoped Jeff would keep his promise. I prayed he would keep Johnny away.

My plan was working out so perfectly. Now I waited silently for Max’s entrance. For a moment I wanted to take a picture of Max’s expression with my phone when he found me, but the comfy bed ceased that thought.

Slowly I drifted into sleep. I didn’t know how many minutes had passed, but I was all exhausted after a whole day of spying and standing. During my state of semi-consciousness, I heard footsteps reverberating in the corridor, and gradually they approached the room, and my hungry heart.

Finally.

Now that total darkness took over the scene, I had to rely on my ears to calculate how far Max was from me. But before I could come to a conclusion…

He lay down next to me, and I let him smoothly slide inside the warmth of the blanket. He held me with both of his arms and caressed my bare stomach under my shirt. His explorations grew braver and braver, and not long after I felt something on my crotch.

It took a few more seconds for him to lift my waistband, allowing his eager fingers to offer pleasure to my awaiting hardness. His movements back and forth were more than satisfying, and his panting made him sexier and me more aroused. This would be the best night of our lives.

“You’ve acquired some new massaging techniques,” I said in between the rhythm of my hyperventilation. Because there really was something different and distinctive about the new way he fondled my treasure. Of course he knew for sure that I would only find comfort in his new ways to satisfy my strong desire, the skillful ways his fingers worked their magic against my needy organ.

My foreskin was pulled further back and I felt his head dove further into the heated space, and not long after my hardness was covered in wet warmth, as I sneaked a view of a figure bobbing up and down my organ under the blanket.

“Max, I’m almost there,” I shouted. The whole floor could probably hear me. “I can’t believe it’s been weeks.”

He didn’t respond. He only went faster. My hands firmly held his head and pulled him down at the appropriate moments. His willing obedience and his swirling tongue gave me transcendent feelings I’d never felt before. It had been too long. It had really been too long.

I was getting ready to have the most intense orgasm in weeks, and I couldn’t wait. I was certain that Max was lost in my heavy breathing, and hopefully my beauty.

“I’m coming, man! Do it faster and finish me off! I could feel it pulsating like crazy.” I was losing control of my own body, and I was ready. I was really ready for it.

But then his mouth stopped moving. Only his tongue continued its work, as it kept gliding over my sensitive head. His mouth departed my organ a few seconds later, and boy was I disappointed.

For a few seconds.

As he turned around, he made sure his hand was on my rock the whole time. He glided my hardness to his entrance, and my arousal rose to an unprecedented level. I was already dripping pre-come all over, and I felt I would definitely be done within a minute.

I didn’t shove it in all at once. I was trying so hard to suppress my haste so as not to hurt my lover, but I couldn’t wait any longer. As slowly as I could I entered him, and miraculously it was successful in the first trial. My length was completely inside of him now. I grabbed his hips and pulled myself closer to him. I was already tingling all over and I knew I could no longer prevent the moment of release. There was no going back now. Quickening my motion, I let myself be selfish for a couple of seconds, temporarily not worrying about Max’s pain.

“I’m coming. Ahhhhh!” And I was coming, undoubtedly the best orgasm I’d ever had, and the first time I had entered Max, and released my seed deep inside of his body. Of all the places, I couldn’t believe this was where my favorite boy in the world lost his virginity to me. I was so thankful, and I was so proud of myself for not giving up on us.

While my orgasm continued, all I could think about was how special Max was to me, and how special he was to me tonight. I was sure he would forever be in my life, and tonight was where we were officially one. The beach was where it all began, and tonight, this room was where we became official lovers.

“Fill it up! Oh fuck, you’re truly amazing,” he shouted.

The stars had never been so beautiful. For a moment everything in the room, everything in this world, and everything in the universe froze. For a moment all my concentration shifted to two distant stars on the night sky growing dimmer and dimmer and eventually darkened into nothing. I wondered if they were really stars, fading to nothingness like that in just a few seconds.

“You fucked me real good, man!”

I really wanted to admire the universe and all, but something pulled me back to reality, back to this very room where love blossomed.

Or not.

Something was not quite right.

Something was off.

“Johnny?” I asked, finally getting a clear view when this body got really close to me and I looked into his eyes.

“Yes. Thanks, man. You know, we can screw another time.”

Where was that innocent boy? Where did this bastard come from?

More importantly, what had I done?

My watch showed 21:30. I need to leave, I told myself.

“Wait –” It was too late.

I stormed out of the room and left Johnny behind. A million thoughts were in my mind now, and the starry sky was no longer beautiful as I ran toward no certain destination. All the feelings were back. I was feeling the same way I felt the first few days after I’d lost Max. These terrible yet familiar feelings were coming back to invade my mind once again, and this time I feared their determination. I had a feeling that they were here to stay, and they would haunt me for the rest of my life.

I ran and ran. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew I needed to continue running till I exhausted myself and died somewhere in the countryside.

I reached the campus entrance in no time, and I didn’t even look back. I stood there, looking forward, into a harrowing combination of endless darkness and nothingness. I wondered if I had the courage to march toward this formidable dark.

What had I done?

“David?”

I froze.

“David? Please talk to me.”

I still couldn’t move.

When Max run in front of me and I caught sight of that familiar face, I tried to turn away. But I couldn’t. He kept running in front of me, staring into my eyes, into my soul where only guilt and shame dwelled.

“Max, I’m sorry.” I burst into tears, and I knew this time it would certainly be a display of waterworks without end. This time I knew I would cry till morning and the day after, and for the rest of my life.

“Max, it’s okay. I forgive you.”

But I couldn’t forgive myself. How could I possibly get over this?

I didn’t know what to think, and I didn’t know what to say. Everything was so messed up that there was no fixing.

“This relationship needs no mending,” Max said.

How did he?

“You worry too much, Dave.”

“It would take more than your confidence to convince me what I did isn’t irreparable damage,” I shouted, still crying like a baby. Screaming out loud in utter silence sounded odd, but I couldn’t control myself.

I felt complete alone in this vast emptiness of nature. Max, on the other hand, was still calm and confident. He was still his old self.

“I believe in us, Dave. Can’t you see that? What you did wasn’t intentional. That is my point.”

“Johnny told you?” I still couldn’t hold back my tears. They came running down my face and continued to embarrass me. I didn’t want Max too see me like this, but there was no controlling it.

“He didn’t tell me anything, but I know when I saw his grin. He’s been touching me all day, you know. Maybe he thought you were me, or maybe he knew. It doesn’t matter. Either way, it’s not our fault.”

“But—”

“Dave, this is a mistake, but this is not your mistake. This is the mistake of someone trying to sabotage our relationship. Are you going to let that happen?”

“I—”

“You did nothing wrong. You thought it was me, right?”

“Yeah, but—”

“No buts. I love you.”

It took a celestial wonder to stop me from crying. In a sea of still gleaming, there suddenly passed a precious and illuminated jet. It was like a brush adding features to a dull painting. And I couldn’t help but conclude that the artists were us. The artists were Max and me. We made this miracle happen. We were the ones who summoned the shooting star. At least that was what I believed.

Tears still in my eyes, I laughed, and we kissed.

“Same.” I said. And the beauty of the night took over as we fell onto the grass and into each other.

As I’ve said before, this story would be ending soon. I’m looking forward to hearing from you guys. Your comments mean a lot to me.

My Stories:

A Love so Star-crossed (gay/young-friends/2012Dec-2013Mar)

Growing Intimacy (gay/young-friends/2012Nov)