Date: Thu, 07 Oct 1999 17:28:06 -0400
From: Charlie <charlieje@mindspring.com?
Subject: Andy 2

			    II Charlie's Secret

It seemed to Andy that it was morning before he'd even closed his eyes.
Charlie was outside his door knocking softly and calling for him to get up,
that they were already late. Andy looked at the clock by his bed as he
turned on the light. Not quite 5 am yet! Doggone! Didn't this kid ever
stop?

The day was fairly routine, at least for Charlie. The boys did the milking
before breakfast, then after they ate they went to the field. Charlie wanted
to teach Andy to run the cultivator because they were behind, and he
wanted to finish this week so they could start cutting their second crop of
hay next Monday morning.

They mounted an old Farmall tractor which, Charlie explained, was about
the same age as the John Deere but would be easier for Andy to learn on.
Besides, he explained, it had a foot clutch which Andy could reach easily,
whereas the John Deere had a hand clutch which was easier for Charlie
and his short legs. Before long Andy and Charlie were working on
different sides of the same field, cultivating peanuts and sweet potatoes.
Andy thought to himself he had already learned more about farming than
he ever thought he would, and it was only the second day!

Thursday morning it was raining, so of course the boys couldn't work in
the fields. "No problem," Charlie grinned, "We're almost done anyway.
Besides I got some work I have to do on the truck, so if you'll finish up
cleaning up the barn I'll get started. When you get done I'll be in the
machinery shed." Andy agreed readily and set to work cleaning up the
stable, shoveling cow manure and spreading clean straw. It was hard work,
but Andy was starting to like hard work, especially when he was working
side by side with his little buddy Charlie.

"Where are ya, Charlie?" Andy called as he entered the machine shed. It
was a pretty typical shed, long and quite low, closed in on three sides and
open on the forth so it would be easy to move machines in and out.
"Over here," he heard a muffled voice, "Under the truck." His eyes
followed the sound until they spotted a pair of small tanned knees pointing
toward the sky. He made his way over to those knees, with their owner,
Charlie, lying on his back under the truck.

"Hand me that 3/8 inch wrench?" Charlie requested as Andy drew near.
But Andy didn't hear him. Or perhaps he did, but he couldn't move. He
was frozen in his tracks, his feet almost touching Charlie's. He had
glanced down, and as he did his line of sight followed the baggy legs if
Charlie's shortalls along the exposed legs upwards to their source. There
he saw a pair of snow white boxer shorts, also fallen away so that he had
an unobstructed view of what was inside those boxers. And what indeed
WAS inside them? It wasn't a set of hairless miniature genitals as he'd
expected; it wasn't more of that beautiful tanned skin that covered the rest
of Charlie, nor was it the more expected white skin of an area that hadn't
seen the sun all summer. It was yet another layer of clothing! White, rather
on the bulky side, and covered with... with some sort of plastic!

Plastic?

Couldn't be! But it sure looked like plastic! Some sort of bandage maybe?
Had some sort of injury happened? If so it must have been serious,
because what was inside those pants was indeed very bulky, with the
elastic gathers of the plastic... yes, there were gathers just like... like baby
pants! What in the world! Andy knew he must be wrong, but it looked for
all the world like Charlie was wearing a diaper!

"Andy?" Charlie said, "Are you... are you ther...?" And then he felt it. A
sensation went through his body that defied description. It was like a warm
electric wave that started in his groin and spread throughout his small
frame, completely paralyzing him. Somewhere in his subconscious Charlie
knew exactly what had happened; somewhere deep within him he knew
that Andy's eyes were locked on his most personal place. But he could not
move, nor did he want to! The sensation he was experiencing was like no
other he'd ever had. He knew instinctively that this was a very special
moment and that he might never experience it again, that he had
unwittingly shared his secret with his new friend. But there was no thought
process, only a deep warm thrill.

Charlie had always been a happy, contented boy. He was good at farm
work and he knew it, and he could imagine no other way of spending his
growing up years, perhaps his whole life. But what he had never told
anyone was that he was also rather lonesome. Most boys his age were
romping about the fields or woods, playing hide and seek, getting into
mischief, while Charlie worked long hours on the farm, his music, and
reading. Oh, how that boy could read! From books he had unlocked the
secrets of the pipe organ and all its various stops, what made what kind of
sound, when one should use each and how to make transitions from one to
the other.

Charlie had learned all about himself from various books. He knew about
boys and girls, puberty, homosexuality, fetishes; he had read some pretty
astonishing things in books and on Internet sites. Some of these things, he
knew, applied to him; others did not; most, he still didn't know. But
whether they applied or not, they certainly made fascinating reading.

It was from books that Charlie learned how an oil pump works; the
principle of a carburetor, and why fuel injection was so much better. He
read about horticulture, and was instrumental in helping his dad make a
better living from sweet potatoes, white potatoes, and peanuts in the
middle of tobacco country. But the price of all this learning was, quite
simply, that Charlie had few friends and no close ones. Until Andy that is.

Andy had no idea how long he'd been standing there in the middle of that
machinery shed, staring at his new friend's most precious body parts but
seeing only whatever was covering them. Suddenly he felt the urge to shift
his gaze. When he did, his eyes found those deep blue eyes that were
Charlie's. Charlie had been looking at him, the strangest look on his face!
Charlie knew! Damn! Now he had ruined everything!

"We..." Charlie finally mumbled, "We'd... uhhhhh we'd better finish up
here. It'll soon be supper time."
"Charlie, I..."
"The wrench is right there. Hand it to me please?"

Andy got the message. He handed the wrench under the truck without
another word.

Neither boy spoke much for the rest of the day. When the spell was finally
broken, Charlie finished the job he was doing and they both went to the
house for supper. At the table, Karen Conner noticed their unusual quiet
and remarked on it. "You two ok?" she asked, "Usually neither one of you
ever shuts up."
"We're fine," Charlie answered, "Just tired I guess." Then they were both
silent again.

After they were in bed, Andy tried to make sense of what had happened,
what had been happening to him all week. He had never really thought of
his sexuality before. He knew what it was to be gay, but it was a concept
he hadn't ever questioned, had never tried to apply or not apply to himself.
Of course he'd been around other boys, and girls too for that matter, in the
various children's homes and foster homes he'd lived in. He had seen
many boys' privates in showers, bedrooms, all sorts of different places, but
he'd never been affected like this before. He'd even played the touching
games, comparing sizes and shapes, that all boys do. But until now it was
just something he did because the opportunity was there. It was forbidden
fruit and a way to satisfy a curiosity. But this time was different. And he
really hadn't seen anything, had he? Well, something he didn't understand,
but it was none of his business was it? Whatever Charlie had been wearing
was his business and his alone. So why couldn't Andy forget it?

Andy still had no inclination to do with Charlie, or any other boy for that
matter, the things that gay boys do together. At least he wasn't aware that
he did. But as his mind played over and over that scene with Charlie
seemingly on display for his perusal, he felt a stirring in his own groin. He
didn't understand that either. He liked Charlie - a lot! Too much, he told
himself, to be violating the trust they had developed by peeking up his
pant leg like some kind of a... some kind of what?

                   *     *     *

Charlie hardly slept at all that night. He had to be alone with Andy and try
to talk about what had happened. But how would he bring it up? He sensed
that Andy had accepted him at the very least as a peer, and he knew from
his own experience that for a teen to accept a "little kid" as a peer was
something as an accomplishment. He didn't want to blow that! And what
if the whole thing was in his mind? If he accused his older companion of
spying up his pants leg and he was wrong, the consequences could be
grave. In the best case Andy would beat the crap out of him; worst case, he
would leave the farm and never come back. And Charlie had to get to the
bottom of this whole thing. First the handshake, the ease with which they
had become fast friends; and now this! The feelings, the entire week for
that matter, had been extremely pleasant; but at the same time it was
frightening. And then of course there was Charlie's secret.

Charlie knew that Andy would find out sooner or later, and at first it
hadn't bothered him. But as time went on Charlie became more and more
concerned what it would do to their relationship. Would Andy laugh at
him? Would he reject him or be disgusted? The longer he waited to tell
him, he now knew the more difficult it would become. On the other hand,
maybe this would be a way to discuss the whole thing, whatever "thing"
there was to discuss.

Whatever talents and faults Charlie had or didn't have, no one ever
accused him of being stupid. His brilliance at school had his teachers
constantly searching ways to challenge him; his music ability, mechanical
aptitude, the uncanny way he understood animals, were all astonishing. So
now he put that keen mind of his to work, figuring out a way to not only
get Andy alone, but to bring up all these things in such a way that they
could resolve them together and both survive.

Andy heard voices as Karen went in to say good-night to her son. Dennis
was going to be away overnight, so Charlie had been assigned "man of the
house" responsibilities. Andy heard the two talking, but couldn't make out
what they were saying. He thought he heard Charlie crying, but he couldn't
be sure. Could he have hurt him that badly? The thought of hurting that
beautiful kid brought the tears welling in Andy's eyes. He'd really screwed
up this time, he thought, as the flood came. He heard Charlie call out
softly, in a broken voice, "I love you, mom," and the answer, "I love you
too, honey."

When Karen knocked on his door to say good-night, Andy managed to
compose himself enough to answer her, then he was alone in the dark, and
he allowed the tears to come. What had happened had been so special, so...
so traumatic... so significant. Yet it had been forbidden fruit; he didn't
know exactly how but he knew he had violated something very personal in
Charlie, and Andy knew that he had somehow to make it up to him. How
could he have been so stupid? What had driven him to make such a dumb
mistake? What was the attraction anyway? Charlie was after all not
remarkable physically in any way; he was just a kid like hundreds of others
Andy had seen naked, although he was perhaps more handsome than most
of them. But nevertheless, he was just a kid.

Friday morning. Getting out of bed was doubly difficult for Andy this
morning because he had hardly slept at all. He was also quite worried
about what the day might bring, but he needn't have been. When he met
Charlie in the barn, Charlie was his same old self: cheerful, helpful,
working like a Trojan. "'Bout time you showed up," he said with a grin
when he saw Andy appear. Now Andy was doubly confused.

"Dad's coming home today," Charlie announced cheerily, "So we get to
sleep in tomorrow morning."
"Sleep in?" Andy questioned.
"Yeah. When Dad's home he gets up to do the milking, and he usually lets
me sleep in till 6:30 or so."
"Man, that sounds good!" Andy laughed. His idea of sleeping in was more
along the lines of 11 am or noon. "I dunno if I can sleep that long."
"Ya get used to it," Charlie said, completely oblivious to Andy's attempt
at sarcasm.

Around two in the afternoon Dennis came home and went immediately to
the machinery shed where the boys were working. "Hey, Dad!" Charlie
exclaimed as he ran to meet him, his eyes glowing.
"Hi, son," Dennis returned as they hugged, "You two stay outa trouble?"

Andy had already learned to hate these exchanges. Charlie's "hey Dad,"
and the look on his face, had "I worship you!" written all over them.
Dennis' return greeting reeked of "You are my whole life!" Andy had
never cared that much for anyone, nor had he ever been cared for. Now for
the first time, seeing such devotion for himself, he realized just how much
he had been missing.

In the evenings, more often than not, Charlie would emerge from the
shower wearing only his white boxer shorts... MAN was he cute! He
would sit beside his mother on the piano bench while they practiced, or
curl up with her on the couch to watch TV. The sight of him, all curled up
and snuggled so close to his mom, started a burning in Andy's heart that
he knew would never be quenched until he had someone to love.

As he watched this reunion, he realized that Charlie had another talent,
probably the strongest of all: He could be the competent farmer, personnel
manager, task manager; he could be a master mechanic, musician and
performer, or a fairly accomplished computer expert. But he also had the
ability to turn all this off in a heartbeat and become a little boy. When the
opportunity presented itself, Charlie was no more than six years old,
relishing and reveling in the love and attention he got regularly. It was this
ability, and the opportunity to use it, that Andy liked most in Charlie,
while at the same time envying him the most for.

For the rest of the afternoon the three worked together in the shed while
Charlie filled in his dad on the week. He and Andy had finished the
cultivating, had repaired the truck and got the hay baler and mower out of
mothballs; he'd had to fire one of the field hands because he'd shown up
drunk three different mornings. Lester had called from the market stall
demanding that they send more melons, but it had started raining before
they could pick them. And on and on it went, the two conversing like two
men, not father and small son. Charlie had once again changed his
character and was again the able farm foreman.

"Where's Charlie?" Andy inquired of Karen as he emerged from the
shower.
"In the barn with his dad," Karen answered.
"But... I thought we had the evening off?"
"Yes, you do. But Charlie and his dad often do the milking together, or
other barn work, so they can talk. It's about the only time they get to spend
time together, just the two of them. They value their time together."
"So I guess I'm not welcome out there?"
"That's putting it rather strongly, but I think you might better just stay here
for a little while, if you don't mind. They won't be long, because Dennis
and I are going out for supper. You two are on your own. I have everything
ready, but I convinced Dennis to take me out."

What were they talking about out there? What was so important that they
had to discuss it tonight? Was Charlie telling his father about what
happened yesterday? How much had his imagination added to what really
happened? Questions.... more questions! Andy settled himself in front of
the TV, but he hardly saw the picture or heard the sound. His mind had
formed a picture of its own, showing a man and a small boy in the barn,
plotting on ways to tell their new hand he was no longer welcome without
hurting his feelings too badly.

                   *     *     *

"What in the world's going on?" Dennis demanded of his son when they
were alone, "Your mom told me you talked her into taking me out to
dinner."
"Yeah," Charlie answered with a grin, "I wanted to be alone with Andy at
bed time. I wanna tell him about... well, you know... and the easiest way I
could figure was to ask him to help me... you know..."
"Charlie, do you really think that's a good idea? He hasn't even been here
a week yet."
"I know, but he's gonna find out sooner or later anyway, if he doesn't
already know, so it might as well be sooner 'cause if he's gonna leave I
want him to do it now."
"You like him a lot, don't you son?"
"Yeah, Dad, he's really KEWL. Actually I wanted to talk to you about
that."

Dennis regarded his son suspiciously. His mind was whizzing along at a
million or so miles per hour. What exactly had Charlie just told him? Why
was it so important to suddenly reveal his secret, when he usually went to
great lengths to conceal it. As for farm workers, Charlie had given no
outward signs before that he cared if they knew or not; now he was
determined to take a pro-active stand and actually tell him! And he wanted
to be alone to do it! He thought of what might be going on between the
two boys, but dismissed it. He didn't know Andy very well, but he knew
his son well enough to know nothing that heavy would occur without his
knowing. Charlie simply wasn't very good at keeping anything so
profound a secret. As for Andy forcing himself on him, Dennis thought
that idea laughable. Despite his small size, no one forced anything on
Charlie.

"Charlie... son... what're you trying to say?"
"I dunno, Dad." Charlie started to cry. "It's just that... that the thought of
him leaving in August just scares me so bad..."
"Charlie, he's only been here a week! You've got a whole summer!"
"I know Dad. But when we're together.... when I look at him... I get the
weirdest feeling! It's... I dunno... I can't explain it..."
"Charlie, has anything happened between you two? I mean..."
"No Dad! I know what you mean. I'm not a little kid ya know."
"The fact is you ARE a little kid, Charlie. Sometimes we forget that fact,
but the truth is, you ARE a little kid and I have to protect you like one."
"Whatever. Anyway nothing like that happened... at least nothing that I
want to talk about just yet."

Dennis knew there was no point in pursuing further. Charlie had told him
that something had happened, but he knew that whatever it was, it wasn't
as serious as Charlie seemed to think it was. They continued talking about
the week in general, and in particular how Charlie was getting along with
Andy. Dennis was still not sure Charlie's plan was a good one, but then he
didn't have all the facts either. So with some reluctance and a great deal of
concern, he agreed to leave Charlie and Andy alone for the evening.

"Andy," Karen called from the kitchen, "They'll be in from the barn any
minute. Before they get here can I see you for a sec?"
"Yes, ma'am," Andy answered as he jumped to his feet and bounded to the
kitchen, "Is there something I can do for you?"
"Not exactly. But I did want to ask you a favor. As you have probably
already figured out, we sometimes forget that Charlie is just a little boy."
"Yes, ma'am. Me to. He's just so... so..."
"So DAMNED GOOD at everything?"
"Well, yeah, that too. But I was thinking more that he's so confident. He
knows exactly who he is and where he's going. He's just got it all so
together!"
"That's true most of the time, but he's still a little boy, still dealing with all
the issues of growing up, new concepts, things he doesn't understand.

"What I'm trying to say is, I need to ask a very big favor."
"Anything, ma'am. I'd do anything for him, or for you."
"Don't be too sure, Andy. Charlie is going to tell you something tonight,
and it might very well change everything. For the record, we've been very
happy with you here and we all hope it can continue; but after tonight
Charlie is afraid it'll be all over. If that's the case, I'm asking simply that
you be gentle with him."
"What's so important that he thinks I'll want to leave?"
"I can't tell you, Andy. I've already told you more than he'd be happy
with. But he'll tell you tonight. Please remember he's only eleven."
"You don't have to worry, ma'am. I could never hurt Charlie."

Karen eyed Andy curiously. What in the world had he meant by that last
comment? What was going on? But the conversation was over as they
heard the back door open and two boys, one an adult version of the other,
came noisily into the kitchen. They were laughing and jostling, more like
two brothers than father and son. "Well," Karen said with a grin, "Guess
my two boys have arrived."

"Okay, Charlie," Andy said in his mind, "They're gone. Now what's going
on?"
From Charlie there was no answer. What in the world could be so
important, and how did it affect him? Charlie had obviously gone to a
great deal of difficulty to arrange for them to be alone. He was pretty sure,
knowing Charlie as he did, that the purpose had nothing to do with sex.
But if not that, then what? But it appeared he would just have to wait it
out. Dennis was in the shower now and Charlie was upstairs doing
something on the computer. Then there was dinner and cleanup
afterwards. Andy was going nuts, but there was nothing he could do to
speed up the process, so he tried to forget the whole thing. But he failed
miserably.

                   *     *    *

"Well?" Karen asked of her husband when they were seated in the
restaurant. They had ordered their drinks and placed their orders, and were
now waiting, and looking into each other's eyes searching for a clue. But
there was none to be found.
"Well what?" Dennis responded.
"You know what. What's going on with Charlie? What's that little
monkey up to now?"
"I don't think he's up to anything. On the contrary, I think he's going
through a pretty difficult time. I only wish we could help more than we're
doing."
"I'm not sure I understand, Dennis. He seems happy enough, except when
he gets into any sort of a discussion about Andy."
"Exactly! I don't think he's unhappy, but he's having a tough time. He's
so confused I don't think he even knows who he is any more."
"Dennis, that makes no sense at all."

Dennis took his wife's hand in his. "Honey," he said after a long pause, "I
think our son's in love."
"That's preposterous!" Karen scoffed, "He's only eleven. And besides,
who would he be in love with? He's not that close to any..." She stopped
talking as if hit by lightning. "Dennis!" she exclaimed, "Are you saying
what I think you're saying?"
"Heh heh," he chuckled, "I'm not sure I know what you're thinking. But I
believe there's a very good chance Charlie is in love with Andy."
"But that means.... he's..."
"Not necessarily. I think it's possible for someone to be "in love" with
someone and it has nothing to do with sex. On the other hand, perhaps it
does. Perhaps he IS gay. But he's still our son and we have to support him,
and if possible help him find out."

Karen looked at her husband squarely, venom in her eyes. She studied
him, looking hopefully for a twinkle in her eyes, any sign that he was
joking. But no, he was deadly serious. "I don't know how you could say
such a thing, Dennis!" she accused, "Charlie has always been the perfect
son, and you've said so yourself. He's always obedient, never defiant, full
of respect, intelligent, committed, and a good Christian boy."
"All those are perfectly accurate adjectives, Karen. I didn't suggest that
any of them are not true, I merely suggested that we might have one more
to add to the list."
"But your own son! How could you..."
"That's just the point, Karen. He IS my son, and I love him. I love him
enough to accept him for what he is. And I know him well enough to know
that if I'm right, it's nothing that he has chosen or even thought out at this
point. So if it's true, then he had to have been born that way and I would
be less of a father if I let it come between us in any way. Our job now as
parents is to try and help him through this crisis, whatever it is. He's our
son, and he needs to know that we're behind him. No matter what!

"If you recall, dealing with his other little problem was pretty tough at
first, but we've come to accept it, even join in his enjoyment in some
ways. And from things he's shown me on the internet, there are lots of
boys like him, only most of them live in a cloud of secrecy, terrified that
their parents will find out. And that accomplishes nothing except giving
the kid a guilt complex that'll follow them all their lives. We adjusted to
that situation, and we'll adjust to this one, if there is one."
"But he's only eleven! Being sexually active..."
"I didn't say anything about being sexually active. I have already told him
that being active with another boy at his age is no more acceptable to me
than being with a girl. Actually he was quite disgusted with me for even
bringing it up. He told me in no uncertain terms that he had no plans to do
anything like that."

Karen thought over the words her husband had just spoken as the waiter
brought their dinner. Suddenly food was the furthest thing from her mind.
Then with sudden shock and animation, she said "If you're right, and
Andy is too, then we've left them alone in the house, doing God knows
what. We've got to get home!"
"Relax, honey." Dennis soothed. "Charlie is still Charlie, and I seriously
doubt that he's gonna resolve all this tonight. And even if he does, he's
still a little boy, and a very intelligent one. I have every confidence that
whatever the outcome of their evening alone, it won't be an evening of
wild sex. There might be some experimentation, but..."
"I don't know how you can sit there calmly and speculate that your son,
my baby, is involved in sex play with a... a..."
"Say it, Karen! With a what? A queer? A faggot? A gay boy? But before
you say it, just keep in mind that you might have to use the same word to
describe your son. And besides, there are very few boys who don't engage
in such things. I know I did and I didn't turn into a pumpkin."
"You did?"
"Course I did!"
"At that age?'
Of course! And younger, and continuing into my teens."

Dennis had vowed many years ago never to reveal to his wife some of the
things he had done when he was a boy on this very farm. But now he
decided he would hurt no one, and he might possibly help his wife to
understand, or at least accept, their son. So the remainder of the evening
was spent telling all. Karen surprised him by being, well, certainly
shocked, but also amused. By ten o'clock when Dennis headed the car
home, she was feeling a lot better. They were by now both anxious to find
out how Charlie's little confession had gone. If Andy was indeed scared
off as Charlie feared, the whole conversation would be for naught, at least
for the time being.