Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2008 17:18:43 -0500 From: Andy Smith Subject: Asleep on the Beach Chapter 15 Asleep on the Beach Chapter 15 Writer's Note: Disclaimer: Please be advised that under aged youths are advised to not read this material; all others are welcome. Should you chose to proceed to the story below...please enjoy! Any comments are welcomed and you'll get a fairly prompt reply; andyoutwest@live.com Prologue Lenny left Liam's house unwillingly after one of the most intensive and intimate kisses of his young boyhood. He was confused, hungry for more, and afraid that everything was falling between his fingers. Jason and Liam finally were able to realize a portion of the joys that would be in front of them...but we still don't know the impact of the night's news on the parents and how that will factor into the boy's lives. Chapter 15 Lenny woke in the middle of the night totally disoriented. It took him several moments to realize he was in his own bed, evidentially his father had placed him there after leaving Liam's house last night. The darkened room ensured the twelve-year old that it was still dark. He looked over at the clock at his bedside table and saw that it was 3:10 a.m. Memories of all that happened over the last evening slowly invaded his senses. As the fog began to dissipate from his memory he could still feel the coolness of the water as they swam and played in the pool. He could smell the chlorine, and could almost feel the wrinkled fingers from the effects of being in the water so long. He smiled at the memories of touching and handling Brant. Their eyes stayed locked on each other nearly the whole night. Though they hadn't time for deep conversations, volumes had been spoken to each other through their eyes. Just before Brant had to leave with Ray and his brother, Lenny had pulled Brant aside to ask him if he wanted to have a sleep-over later in the week. Brant was eager to do it, and Lenny recalled having to hide his erection at the prospects. Very well he recalled the many out-right hard boners he had seen Brant sport as they wrestled and played in the water last night. Lenny could suppose those had just been caused by the physical contact and rough-housing...all boys get boners when wrestling and touching naked skin...didn't they? Still...the way Brant kept looking so intensely at Lenny all night long made Lenny believe there was more to the boners than pre-adolescent hormones. Lenny's smile broke as the vale over that kiss began to fade. The vividness of Liam's warm and hungry lips had been palpable. Lying there on his bed in the dark Lenny brought his fingers to his own lips to touch where Liam kissed him so passionately. A tear formed in his eye and gently fell from its secret place to caressing his silky cheek as it traveled downward. After the tear, there was coldness. He was alone, and now he felt the weight of being alone...in the dark. Even the familiarity of his own bedroom that came upon him as he gathered his senses moments ago did little to comfort him now. Lenny didn't want to be alone. Touches and caresses from Liam as they intertwined themselves at the kiss left lasting impressions upon his psyche. Closing his eyes, he could bring those feeling back...but only fleetingly. As quickly as he could conjure them...the warmth, the loving tenderness, the comfort faded. Lenny recalled the vase of fresh flowers his Mother always kept on the table – he'd helped her so many mornings find the prettiest and most colorful from her garden and then would gather them into the house and she would arrange them to display. She called them "glimpses of heaven." Lenny hadn't remembered those flowers for years. In fact, he had forced them from his mind. What he now remembered was how his Father left them sitting on the table for weeks and weeks after she died; their luster faded, the fragrant aroma soured. Eventually, they were just dried out shells of what they had been. Cold. Withered. Empty. Any glimpse of heaven now totally obsure; and that was what he felt inside himself right now. How long he yearned for companionship and acceptance. Finding Liam out at the beach had seemed so heaven-sent. Liam was perfect; he was tall, had a nice body, perfect teeth, curly hair, warm smile, and an infectious grin and laugh that made Lenny want to just BE WITH him all day long. Mostly though, it was Liam's sweetness, his kindness that drew Lenny to him. There was a gentleness about Liam that Lenny picked up on right away. All the rest of the boys Liam hung out with out at the beach had a way of rough-housing and teen-age antics that were just mean-spirited and it showed in their personalities. They were all trying to out-do one another with wise-cracks, smart-ass remarks, crude behavior, and sometimes even cruel in their joking around. From his distant vantage point across the beach from them, Lenny was turned off by their antics, and had nearly made up his mind to find another group of guys to spy on when he began to notice the differences between Liam and the rest. Of course, there was Jason, who Lenny now knew to be an awesome kid...but even Jason seemed like the typical cruel teenager from a distance. After actually meeting Liam and Jason...after being asleep on the beach...Lenny's life changed forever. In only a few hours he and Liam had become friends. Close friends. Liam touched him in ways he never dreamed could actually happen. Spying on Brant and Ray at the beach had awakened a stirring in him and when Liam touched him like that, he knew that this was what the yearnings had been about. Someone who could touch him, hold him, kiss him...love him. Lenny knew his Father loved him, actually had no doubts of his Father's love, but, it was different. Memories of his Mother's love were of tenderness, of touching, of cuddling. His Father's love was more...distant. His Dad spent so much time at work...Lenny was left feeling empty. Liam filled the emptiness. That was it! Liam filled him up. After last night, Lenny feared the worst. Finally feeling fulfilled...but now literally feeling like Liam was slipping from his hands like sand through his fingers at the beach. He could reach out and grab it, could touch it, could play in it...but couldn't hold it. He felt desperately alone. The room seemed a hundred times darker. Shadows had completely overtaken everything to the point that they weren't OVER there, or UNDER there, or IN there...he was swallowed by the darkness. He couldn't stay. Clutching his pillow, Lenny crawled from his bed and made his way to his door, then out and down the hall to his Father's room. The door was open, ambient green light rom the besdide table's alarm closk, and the TV/DVD, and Lenny could hear his rhythmic breathing from sleep; not quite a snore, but almost. Stealthily, he made his way around the bed and crept up into his Father's bed and under the blanket, still clinging to his own pillow. This was better. His Father's smell was on the bed linens and a warmth radiating from his body that instantly made young Lenny relax. He could feel himself drifting back to sleep...the memories once again rolling in like the fog from the bay. Loneliness creeping back to the forefront of his mind again. How could the emptiness be filled now? Who could do that for him? Who WOULD do that for him? Thoughts of Brant began to mingle with those more troubling ones. A glimmer of hope? Lenny felt a stirring in his loins as he recalled the swimming and touching in the pool. Brant's erection so obvious when he was atop Ray and Daniel's shoulders. Lenny wanted to jack right there in his Dad's bed as these thoughts aroused him so greatly...only fear of waking is Father kept him from doing so. Awareness of the presence of his son woke Leslie. He remained still to see if Lenny would just go back to sleep, or if he was still having a bad dreams. Earlier, after depositing the sleeping boy in his own bed that evening, Leslie had heard the soft cries of the lad as he wrestled his demons in his sleep. Leslie had waited to see if Lenny would go to sleep before going in to check on him. When he did actually get up to check on him, Lenny was sleeping...but not peacefully. Leslie pulled up the boy's desk chair and watched his son's fitful sleep for a very long time...actually drifting in an out of sleep himself. Gently he would caress the boys hair, and pat his back tenderly like he did when Lenny was a toddler. Lenny would drift off to sleep, and just when Leslie thought it safe to go back to his own bed, the boy's nightmares would return. Nightmares, or disturbing dreams...was there a difference? Leslie wanted so much to make all this go away for Lenny. He wanted to just scoop him up in his arms and make everything better like he could when the boy was but a tot. Back then, a hug, a kiss, a snuggle...and everything was better. Now...life was just too damned complicated. A twelve-year old boy shouldn't have to wrestle the things this beautiful boy had to fight every single day. Sitting there by Lenny's bed, holding his hand, softly brushing his hair, Leslie thought Lenny looked so much the child he actually was, so much smaller, so much more vulnerable than he seemed when awake and moving about with all his energy and...life. But, Leslie had to give the boy room to grow up. He couldn't always protect him from bad things. Lenny would have to learn what hurt, and what didn't and learn to cope as a young man. Life wouldn't get easier...only harder. To coddle him would be to leave him vulnerable for further heartache and disappointment. But, how much could be put upon a boy? Where was the balance line? When should he step in, and when should he back off as a parent? *Sigh* Just that very evening at the Lawler's, he happened to look out the window at the boys to make sure they were alright. All the other adults were in the kitchen talking about the bomb-shell Jason had dropped about the violence he'd endured. Lenny had told him earlier about some of what Jason said tonight, but not everything, and at the time Lenny was Leslie's main concern. Tonight it was real, and, palpable; this was a hurting boy. And, the three friends were intertwined in a deep bond that was obviously very complicated. So, when Leslie looked out the window and saw Liam and Lenny intertwined in a passionate kiss that would make teenagers blush...he blushed himself. Paternal instincts made him want to rush out and separate them and forbid them from doing such things. Yet, he also knew that would drive a wedge between Father and Son that could never be removed. In his gut, he knew there was something very deep happening out there on the porch. Leslie wanted to talk to Lenny about it on the way home...but Lenny had clammed up and became totally withdrawn. Sleep overtook the boy before they got home, so Leslie just carried him up and put him in his own bed. Leslie removed the boy's flip-flops, unbuttoned and removed his shear-cotton shirt, and decided against removing the shorts. They seemed comfortable enough for the boy to sleep in, so he drew the blanket and sheet up over him, kissed him and went to his own bed. Full circle. Now Lenny was in Leslie's bed. Listening to his son, Leslie thought Lenny seemed at fist to settle in and drift off to sleep. Then, Leslie's paternal instincts told him the boy was having bad dream. As gently as he could manage, Leslie pulled the boy to him and wrapped his arms around him, patting his back and whispering to try to comfort him. After some great deal of time, Lenny spoke. "Daddy," he whispered. "Yes, Son." "Why do people leave?" "Who has left, Len?" Leslie asked gently. "Mommy." Silence "And Liam." Lenny added after his Father didn't answer the first question. "What do you mean, Son? Liam is at home in bed." Lenny sighed. He couldn't verbalize what was running through his mind. How could he communicate what that kiss meant? Would his Father know anything about this? Could he believe that the two could communicate without talking. "I don't know what I mean, Dad," Lenny said with resignation. Nothing was said for several minutes. Leslie continued to hold the boy, at least the fidgeting had stopped. He was thankful for that much. "Do you love him?" Leslie asked the boy. Lenny nodded his head in affirmation, but remained silent. "Love is a complicated thing, Lenny," Leslie said softly. He gathered his thoughts and let out a deep sigh. How he wished the boy's mother was there to help. "I...I don't want you to think I am lecturing you, Son, but I just don't know if you really DO love this boy." "What DO I feel, then, Dad?" "Well...that is a good question, Lenny. It takes a great deal of wisdom to know when and if you are in love. Love is an emotion...but it's a living thing too. You can feel love, but who can describe it? How do you touch an emotion? So, you feel it, but can't see it. You sense it, but can't hold it in your hands. Tell me...why do you think you love him? Do you think you could try to tell me about why you feel this way? Maybe that will help you sort things out." Lenny was silent a long time thinking about this. He wasn't entirely sure what his Dad was talking about. It all sounded too complicated. "Let's try to think about WHEN you began to feel this way...that may help you think of WHY," Leslie offered to the boy. "Well, I watched him a long time before I met him...I told you about that." "Yes, go on." "On the beach that day...the day we met...Liam told me he was gay. He said, "I'm gay too." Lenny stopped talking for a moment, then resumed. "That made me cry. Be.because that meant he could see that in me. It scared the crap out of me...I was afraid that I'd misjudged him...that he would be like those other boys and that he might make fun of me...or laugh at me. I didn't want him to laugh at me, I want him to like me. Then...I understood that he said "too." That meant HE was gay! It meant that there was a small chance we could be friends. "So, he asked me to come over to his house. He let me take a nap on his bed...put burn cream on my sunburn. He was nice to me. He wasn't trying to laugh at me, or be mean to me. I felt safe. He...his smile was so kind. I kissed him. He kissed me back. We were going to be friends." As the boy considered how much to tell his father, Leslie kept his gentle caresses going, careful not to rush the boy...or to guide his thoughts. He felt it important to let the boy work through as much of this as possible. Lenny was a good boy. He was bright, compassionate, and thoughtful. Working through things like this was often hard work, therefore seldom done. It's kind of hard to poke yourself with a sharp stick...so it is also hard to purposefully inflict emotional pain. Sometimes, though,it is necessary. Eventually, the boy relived everything. The deep details of their night. The sexuality, the sensuality. The raw sexual awakening that had overwhelmed him. His word descriptions were that of a twelve-year old boy...but the sensuality was far from childlike. When he finished, Lenny had a twinge of embarrassment at talking about having Liam's dick up his backside, about how full it made him feel, and how that even through the pain of the act, the overwhelming desire to go deeper, to take more...to want it over and over...but telling did make him glad to have actually shared this with his Father. His Father had made him feel like he could tell him anything...like maybe he wasn't alone. Despite the embarrassment, he realized he no longer felt so desperate. Leslie was silent, uncertain if more was coming. After a few moments, Leslie asked, "Have you done this again? Have you two been intimate since that first night?" A smile crept up on Lenny's face as he remembered being in the shower with Jason, then Liam. "Dad?" "Yes?" "Promise you won't get mad?" "Promise." "Pinky swear!" Lenny raised up off Leslie's chest and stuck his hand forward for the most solemn oath only boys can share. "Pinky swear!" Leslie agreed as he intertwined their pinky fingers and shook. Satisfied, Lenny settled back into his comfortable position on his father's chest and began telling about the experience in the shower. "...so, when we were in the water, I was in front of Jason and he reached for the soap. He started rubbing soap on my back and then around my stomach. I was facing away from him and he pulled me close to him to get me all soaped up. I could feel his dick was hard and poking me. I just had to turn around to see it. He was red and embarrassed that I saw him all hard and stuff...I couldn't help it...I had to hold his dick. He moaned like he really liked it...I remembered what I saw two kids do on the beach once (he wasn't ready to talk about Brant yet)...SO I just knelt in front of him and kissed his dick...then I started sucking him. That is when Liam came back in to the shower. At first, I thought he would be mad...but he didn't get mad. I sucked them both, and made them feel good. Liam sucked me again. It was awesome, Dad. I didn't know sex would feel so good." Silence...a long, long silence. "Dad?" "Uh...Ummmm...WOW," Leslie finally stammered, "not sure I wanted quite all those details, Son. No...No, it's okay. I want you to be able to talk to me about anything you need to, Son. I asked...so I can't get upset when you answer my questions. "Let me tell you about when me and your Mother met. I was roommates with Robert...Robbie, I called him back then...back when we were both Freshmen at Midwestern. We became very close friends." "Yea, I like Robert. He's nice." Lenny said absentmindedly. "Well...I don't know if you do see, Son. I mean we became VERY close friends." Leslie had Lenny's full and undivided attention now. He sat full up in the bed and re-positioned himself to sit Indian style with his knees touching his Father's side. "You mean...?" "Yea," Leslie blushed. It was obvious even in the dim light of the room. "Yea, I mean we were really, really close friends. We...umm...we did things together...similar things that you have told me about you and Liam and Jason doing together." "No SHIT?!" Lenny cried in amazement. "Watch it there, Buddy," Leslie asserted. "Let's not get carried away here. No...I'm not going to give you all the steamy details you just gave me about yourself...a man has to have some secrets from his kids. But, yea. I know something about what you have been experiencing, Son." "Umm...Dad?" Lenny queried, "umm...what does this have to do with Mom?" A light went off in Lenny's head. "MOM! Wait! What about Mom? If you...you and Robert were...ummm...doing things...what about Mom?" A smile crept upon Leslie's face at the boys revelation. "That is my point, Len. That is exactly my point." Leslie now sat up himself, re-adjusted his pillows so he could sit with his back to his headboard. He motioned for Lenny to join him and as the boy slid up to join his Dad, Leslie put an arm around his shoulders and relayed the rest of the story. "I met your Mom, and soon I began to know that I felt a great deal for her. We began to date. Robbie and I talked about girls before, but neither of us ever found one that interested us. They scared us both a great deal, and we just weren't comfortable even talking to one...much less thinking about anything else with one. Well...you mother was different. "She was disarming. I felt comfortable around her. She made me laugh. She made me excited...excited to just...I don't know...to just be around her. She was so smart, so...so ready to live life! She embraced life fully at every turn. If I ignored something, or dismissed it as meaningless...she made me see why it was significant...why other people were so important...how I could learn by listening, watching, and caring. I was falling in love. "Robert and I just weren't so important anymore. I mean...I still loved Robbie...in a unique way...but I began to see that it was your Mother that I was meant to be with. "See...I also believe this, Son. Love isn't a hole you trip and "fall into." Love is a process. It takes time to develop. You spend time with someone, you begin to learn what they love, what they like, what scares them, what their dreams are. Soon you begin to share the same dreams, same loves...you share laughter and tears. You find yourselves wanting the same things, wanting to be in the same places, to be doing the same things. One day, you wake up and REALIZE you are in love. It FEELS like you just fell into love...but you didn't...you grew into love. "I was attracted to your Mother the very day I met her. I knew I COULD love a girl like her...she was so...so perfect for me. What I didn't know was IF SHE would be someone who COULD love ME." "Wow." Lenny said reflectively. "Yea...Wow." It had been years since Leslie could bring himself to talk about this to anyone. Somehow it felt so right telling his own son about this though. He wasn't sure he was helping Lenny, but he KNEW this was helping HIMSELF! After a moment of reflection, Lenny said, "Liam and Jason have been friends since like the second grade...but," he paused, the sighed deeply, "but me and him have only known each other a few days..." Lenny looked up at his Father then with a realization beginning to set in. "Are you saying that I can't l.love Liam because I haven't known him long enough?" The face looking up at Leslie was desperate, young, innocent, and confused. "No," Leslie whispered as he leaned down and kissed his son's forehead, "no, I'm not saying you can't love Liam. I don't know if you do or don't, Lenny. I'm afraid only you can know for sure. And, it might take you a long time to know the difference. That's what I'm saying. "Son," Leslie said, drawing Lenny closer to himself, "this is why we adults teach our kids to lay-off the sex stuff at young ages. Love is complicated, confusing, and most adults don't understand it. Nearly half of all marriages fail in divorce because adults can't get it right. At your age...please don't think I'm talking down to you...I'm not...but at your age, you don't even know what about the basics of Physical Science, or a zillion other basic things in life are all about...most other things in life are a breeze to pick-up on, compared to love. "Sex is fun. IT's good...REALLY good!" Leslie continued and Lenny blushed at his Father's candor. "But...the flip side is that sex complicates the hell out of things. It makes us have feelings we don't understand, yearnings we can't fulfill or communicate. It makes us look at people differently. One day they're just kids at school...playmates...the next thing you know you are trying to undress them in your mind...wondering what they look like with no clothes on, wondering if they're good in bed." "DAD!" Lenny protested. "Tell me you haven't changed...tell me you don't think of people differently now." Lenny shrugged, realizing that though it was embarrassing to hear such things from his Dad, what he was saying was still the truth. "My point is this, Son," Leslie said, lifting Lenny's chin slightly to look him in the eyes. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to be having anal intercourse with anybody right now. Oral sex complicates things enough. The other is just asking for emotional baggage that you really don't need, and I don't believe you are prepared for right now." "Ummm...Dad?" Lenny asked tentatively. Leslie was expecting some deeper questions or even some embarrassed efforts at changing the subject. "Hmmm?" "I gotta go to the bathroom." "Oh...best go take care of that then!" Leslie said brightly, but quietly. He nudged the boy up and playfully swatted at his bottom as Lenny slid off the bed. Lenny quietly slipped into the bathroom and closed the door. He didn't have to pee...he had a raging boner and desperately had to take care of it! Thumbing his shorts and tighty-whities, he slid them down and stepped out of them as he stepped toward the toilet. Lowering the lid, he sat down and before his cheeks it the lid he was already stroking his dick. All he memories of the sex with Liam, the thoughts of Brant with a boner...thoughts of touching his wet, slippery skin...the talk of sex and even thoughts of his own Dad giving Robert a blow job...god...he felt like when he did climax that his whole dick might explode. Feverishly he pumped away at his dick, his thumb rubbing the sensitive head on every up-stroke, and the other hand finding it's way to his tight ball-sack. Tugging, pulling, jacking...panting...close, so close now... "gggooooddddd..." he growled while desperately trying to be quiet he was experiencing the most massive orgasm he'd ever achieved by himself. His grip tightened, and the pumping motion slowed as his hips raised off the toilet seat. Arching his back, but keeping his chin down tightly against his chest Lenny let the pleasure consume him. Stars circled his eyes as he'd been squenching them so tightly closed contributed to a swimming, spinning sensation. He breathing was a ragged panting by now. Then...it was over. The orgasm was fading, and the out-of body experience seemed to be settling back to an in-body amazing dream come true. Wetness. He felt wetness on his hand, and dick. Opening his eyes, he couldn't see anything...so he brought his hand to his face and he could smell it. Cum. Semen. He'd just experienced his very first cum! "Oh...my...gwaad." Instinctively, Lenny drew his hand to his lips and his toung darted out to taste it. It was slippery on his tonge, not so thick as Liam's and Jason's...sweeter to taste. "OMG!" he though "this is soooo amazing...can't wait to tell Liam I came!" Realizing he was supposed to be going to the bathroom, Lenny reached over and wiped the residue from his hand and dick with tissue, and rising he lifted the lid and dropped it in the toilet and flushed. Going over to the sink he washed his hands, hoping the soap would disguise the sex odor of what he'd just done. Stepping back into his clothes, he went back to his Father's bed. He slid across the bed to snuggle back up to his Dad. Leslie raised the cover to accommodate him and let the boy settle back in ad get comfortable. Feeling the warm and soft skin of the boy, Leslie sighed deeply as they both began to relax from the disruption of their earlier embrace. "Get everything taken care of?" Leslie asked softly, a broad smile upon his face. Lenny felt his face burn with embarrassment. "Was I that loud?" he finally said, realizing the deed was already known, so no use in pretending it wasn't. "Some sounds just need no explanation...don't have to be loud to be understood." Leslie hugged him a bit closer, "Don't sweat it...it's a natural thing. I'm not worried about it. I won't make fun of you about it either." "It was my first time," Lenny said quietly in his husky voice. "Huh? I thought..." "It was the first time anything came out when I did it," Lenny added by way of explanation. "Ahhh..." Leslie said with understanding, "well then, congratulations are in order! Welcome to the world of unspeakable fun!" he joked with his son. They both suppressed giggles, while reciprocating hugs. Lenny snuggled into his Father, wrapping both arms around his waist, his face buried in his abdomen. Well, at first he seemed to be just snuggling, but soon Leslie could tell the boy was sleeping again. Leslie sat there holding Lenny the rest of the pre-dawn morning, watching the sunlight start it's slow, but relentless invassion of the room. The weight of these matters seemed to be lifting though, as both had a chance to talk through some difficult things. This had been a very hard night and morning, but feeling his son sleeping now peacefully in his arms, Leslie was sure that he'd made some good choices in staying home from work to be here for Lenny. He couldn't help but wonder if things would have turned out differently had he been "around" more since his wife died...but ultimately he decided it was entirely unhealthy to dwell on "what could have happened" and to concentrate on "what IS happening." He couldn't really advise Lenny on what to do about Liam. He could sense that Lenny needed companionship, but felt that Lenny might be confusing that need and the sexual pleasure and stimulation of what he and Liam had done together as love. As the dawn broadened into morning, Leslie slipped out from under Lenny, letting the boy have his place and take possession of his pillow, and made his way into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. Once it was brewed, Leslie poured a big mug full and went out to the balcony and sat facing the morning sun, watched the rest of the world come awake as he sipped the hot coffee, and enjoyed the aroma and sensations of the morning unfolding. He decided to let Lenny sleep in as long as he wanted this morning. It had been a long night, and who knew what the new day would bring. Comments welcome! andyoutwest@live.com