Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2002 17:22:45 +0000
From: Java Biscuit <javabiscuit@hotmail.com>
Subject: Back to the Playground, 5

This is a story involving boy/boy, teen/boy, male/male
graphic sex and not intended for reading by minors. If
you are underage, or this type of material is illegal where
you live, please stop now, and go read something else!

This is a completely fantasized story meant only for the
purpose of pleasurable reading. It explores themes which
some readers may find offensive or disturbing. It's not
meant to encourage unsafe, unprotected sex, or to
condone sex with minors.

The character referred to as both Joe and Todd in
chapter three, will be known as Joe Todd. Humble
apologies from the author!

Feedback: javabiscuit@hotmail.com


Back to the Playground ~ chapter five

by Biscuit


I liked my shrink. I'd been seeing him for about a year
when I finally told him about Skyler. A little bit. It got
to be too hard to talk about my life without saying his
name.

"Well you see, there's this kid," I started and nothing
more came out. This kid ... what? Who reminds me of
me. This kid I love. That I want to fuck.

It was around Christmas. Not a good time for me. At
least, not usually. When I was a kid, it was like a lot of
other stuff, something my family was over giving a
fuck about by the time I came along. Later it was just
plain awful; after my dad died, and worse still when
my mom got sick. It really sucked, like having your
nose rubbed in your misery.

But Helen's fussing over just the right sort of tree and
precise use of tinsel didn't bug me. My brother and I
got to bond over carrying out her orders and having
her be pleased with us. Things weren't so bad. Skyler
had a lot to do with why. I loved seeing him enjoy all
the decorations and get worked up about what he was
going to get for Christmas and even more about what
he was going to give people.

The school at home stuff was working. I guess the fact
that they came to me, instead of me having to show up
somewhere, worked better. It used to be I'd set out in
the morning like I was going to school. Sometimes I'd
even think so myself, until I got on the bus, or the
subway, whatever. I'd look around and wonder who on
the bus with me, or walking past me on the street, I
could fuck. Somewhere along the line, whether I saw
someone who seemed likely or not, I'd bug out on the
whole school idea. It gave me a big rush, like a high,
just to make that choice not to do what I was supposed
to do. Stepping outside the real world. Part freedom,
part misery. It was a powerful thing but in the end it
just made me feel more and more disconnected.

Disconnected. That sums up a lot about me. Now I
was trying to step back into the world. But there was
Skyler. Both making me want in, and making me feel
like I had no right to be there.

"Tell me about Skyler," my shrink said. Every second
I sat, not talking, it got harder to start

"He's just a kid," I made the words come out, and then
shut up, throat tight and the backs of my eyes hot. So
fucked.

"What about Skyler?" my shrink said.

"I like him," I said and it sounded so fucking pathetic.
The box of tissues, always there next to me. I looked
at it, knowing I was going to cry if I tried to say
anything more. So I didn't.

Funny how even in the cold, in the winter, you can
find guys in Central Park. The guy I found when I
left my shrink's office, didn't give a shit that I started
crying in the middle of doing him. I don't think he
even noticed. What the hell, I was sucking his dick.
I'm sure he thought I was just choking on his big tool.
At the end I jerked him off. The tip of his condom,
full of hot spunk, was steaming in the cold air.

I wasn't in too bad shape by the time I got home, but
I felt shaky.

By the time Skyler got home from school, I was okay.
He was all excited because school was almost done,
only a half week coming up before vacation. God, he
was excited.

He was late getting home from school. Soaked through
from a snowball fight, and as red cheeked as an apple.
We went down the hall to his place so he could put on
dry clothes. I liked their apartment. Not so formally
done up as Helen's. Charlotte, Skyler's mom was a lot
more casual. Even though the place was basically clean,
there was plenty of clutter. Especially in Skyler's room
which was loaded with toys and shit.

No way he was getting into clothes without playing
first. He danced his bare ass away from me, jumping
and bouncing on his unmade bed, like a wind-up toy
with the key turned one too many times. He dropped
with a bounce, his legs waving to show off his naked
plumbing, laughing. Then he grabbed at the bedcovers,
pulling them up over his head.

"Find me!" he cried, muffled through the blankets.
Find my dick, is what he meant. I wanted to crawl in
there with him and never come out.

On my knees by his bed I started to feel the boy shape
through the covers, teasing him by rubbing his legs,
near his crotch but not touching that suggestive bump
in the blankets. He wiggled around, trying to get it
under my hand. I'd brush it and stop, driving him
crazy until he threw the covers off and glared at me.

"Brandy, don't be mean!" Then a smile quirked his
lips and he looked like some perfect, lewd rendering
of Peter Pan. Mussed up thick blond hair, limpid
blue eyes, and a body so vibrant, including his rigid
little prick, that it looked like he could fly.

I grabbed him by the waist and buried my face in
his stomach, making him scream out a laugh. God
was his skin beautiful. Even as he laughed, squirming,
he yelled at me, "Lower!" No, God no. But of course
I did it. And of course, he loved it. And my briefs
took a soaking as I rubbed my dick on the side of
the mattress with my mouth clamped around his tiny
cock.

Afterwards, in the midst of him doing his homework
at his mom's kitchen table, me doing up the dishes
for her that were left in the sink, I looked around and
found him sitting with his head on his hand, staring
at me like a love struck puppy. Wrong, wrong, wrong,
I thought, but my heart was plumping up like a sponge.

It's not like Skyler's life was all that much easier than
mine, in a way. Under his excitement about Christmas,
were nerves. He'd be seeing his dad who was hardly
ever in the picture. I was there the evening that he
was getting ready for his dad to pick him up.

Charlotte was a mess, putting things in his backpack
for him. Skyler wanted different, nicer clothes to
take with him. I knew he was looking forward to
seeing his dad and wanted to look nice.

"No, you tell your dad if he wants you to have nice
things he's got to buy them for you." Jesus, I wanted
out of there so bad. She'd called me to come take him
down to the lobby and wait with him for his dad, who
she couldn't bear to lay eyes on. He didn't need any
one to take him to the lobby. It wasn't like he didn't
come and go as he pleased every day, and she knew it.
But she was a nervous wreck, and not making much
sense. The look on his face was killing me. No eight
year old kid should have to look so struck. Down the
hall and into the elevator, his head was hanging like
it weighed a ton.

I couldn't help it. I tidied up his hair, and put my
hands on his shoulders, giving him a little squeeze.

"You look great, Sky," I said. God's honest truth,
especially when he smiled.

"Get out," he said. "I don't look great."

"Sure you do. Tell me again where you guys are
going for dinner."

I made as much fuss as I could about envying him
going out to eat seafood, and he was grinning and
promising to eat some shrimps for me. I was glad
then that she'd called me. Maybe she knew herself,
that Skyler needed a buffer between her and his
dad.

The dad looked like Skyler, a little. Sturdy and
blond. Tall guy with the same dark blue eyes. When
he came in through the big glass doors of the lobby,
he held open his arms and Skyler went running. I
felt better then.

I think it was after Christmas that I broke down
and told my shrink the truth about Skyler. It was
so hard. What is it that makes you want to prove to
your psychiatrist that there's nothing wrong with
you? Well, the jig was up, I thought.

Predictably, he said nothing. That's the way it was
with him. He listened endlessly, prompting me to
go on with neutral sort of questions. But the thing
was, try as he did, to show no judgments, I kind of
knew when something upset or alarmed him, and I
was poised for his hatred of me. Maybe he was being
extra careful because it was such loaded stuff I was
saying, but I could hardly tell if he was breathing,
let alone what he felt.

"Are you shocked?" I asked him.

"Do you think I should be?" Like getting your
hands stuck in glue sometimes, talking to a shrink.
At least trying to get them to answer something.
I let it drop. But not long after that I started to
tell him things about the sex club, and being six
years old. Same reaction.

In the meantime, Skyler and I went through an
after Christmas let down. We didn't fool around
so much. A relief to me, for once, not to have
things escalate.

In the depth of that winter what he wanted most
was to curl up in my lap to watch TV, or to play
a new game he called doctor. Now you'd think
doctor had to be about sex. But it was about his dad,
who was a doctor. He'd given the kid a stethoscope
as one of his gifts. It was a physical game, and it
would end up getting sexual, but at the the start it
wasn't.

Skyler would hold my wrist to feel for my pulse,
and listen to my heartbeat. All very serious. He'd
tap my knees to pretend to test my reflexes, any
sort of thing he could remember from his dad's
practice. Sometimes he gave me pretend shots in
my backside, which required unzipping my jeans
and sliding them down enough to show him a bit
of skin.

I honestly didn't care what we did. Just to see that
face at my door was enough.

Ben was still around. Every time I let him fuck
me I swore I wasn't going to do it again. It's not
that I didn't like it, I just hated how he snuck me
into his parent's place and out again so nobody
would ask him about me. When I saw him with
his girlfriend in the elevator one day, he turned
bright red and I knew he was praying I wouldn't
say a word to him. I didn't. The guy thought he
was a much bigger deal to me than he was.

There were fourteen floors in that building.
Twelve apartments on every floor. I think every
closet case living there eventually tried his luck
with me. Mostly married guys. Mostly on the
elevator, giving me a look. One way or another
they'd show off a package. Nobody whipped it
out or anything, more like an epidemic of lint
that had to be brushed off the fly fronts of their
pants.

Not interested. Even the ones who looked good
to me. Bad enough getting hustled out of Ben's
apartment. I couldn't take a chance on screwing
things up for myself there, getting caught.

There was only one guy, besides Ben, that I
fooled around with. His name was Trent and it
was his mom who fixed me up with him. What
a riot. She was a friend of Charlotte's, who did
know I was gay. Charlotte, I'd find out later,
thought Skyler was gay. She actually thought I
was a good role model for him! The thing with
me being in therapy didn't phase her, she was
seeing a psychiatrist herself, since her breakup
with Skyler's dad. To her it was another point
in my favor. Anyway, Charlotte had this friend
on the second floor with a son named Trent who
I'd never laid eyes on because he was strictly a
sneak in and out of the building on the stairs
kind of guy. He was in his last year of high
school at some place for geniuses downtown.

Trent was smart, fat, and gay. When I showed
up at his door on a Friday evening, invited to
dinner by his mom, he just about shut the door
in my face. He got the door halfway closed, he
opened it again, with a look of pure misery on
his face, and said, "Come in."

Man was I confused. His mom had called Helen.
Helen asked me to go to this dinner thing as a
favor to her, to meet this young man who she
described as a young gay person that didn't have
many friends. The whole thing struck me as very
bizarre, but I wasn't going to say no to Helen. If
she wanted to trot me out as a nice gay boy to
befriend somebody else's nice gay boy son, so be
it. Skyler's the one who told me that Trent was
okay.

Trent was so embarrassed by what his mom had
done, he just wanted to die. She'd actually gone
out to leave us alone in the apartment to get to
know each other.

We were two steps into their place when he told
me, basically, go home.

What the fuck. I might have turned around and
walked out if it weren't for knowing that Helen
would be there, asking me what happened. If I
hadn't pretty much liked Trent on sight. He was
a big guy, tall and kind of fat, with messy thick
dark hair that hung down in his eyes and the most
rumpled looking shirt in the world, half tucked
into his jeans, half falling out.

He was the only one who hadn't been let in on
our blind date. He thought I was a kid that needed
tutoring in math until he saw me. He put two and
two together, why his mom had fussed with dinner
and bugged out, saying she wouldn't be home until
later, trying to get him to change his clothes and
brush his hair.

"No offense kid, but I'm not into twinks," he
said to me. Defensive shit, blushing. "My mom
is out of control. I don't know what she said to
you, to get you down here, but forget about it."

"She said I look like I'd be good on my knees and
did I want to blow her son's big dick. I told her,
sure." Well, at least it made him laugh. Trent had
no idea how cute he was. True enough, he was not
into twinks -- a label I hated but couldn't exactly
dispute. What he lusted for was a hunk; a side of
beef with a mighty six pack. But when I jumped
him on the couch after we ate his mom's lasagna,
he let me have my way with him.

Trent would become one of the best friends I'd
ever have. He did end up helping me out with
math and put up with my lust for his ample butt.
I'm not exactly a chubby chaser, but with him I
discovered just how nice it is to have a pair of
buns like pillows to rock my dick into. I was, of
course, joking when I made the crack about his
big dick, but it turned out he was hefting a thick
seven incher in those baggy jeans of his and I
spent some very happy times with my mouth
around it.

It made him cringe when his mom beamed at
us, but it made me feel good. So different from
how things were with Ben.

I would only have Trent there until he took off
for college, which thrilled him, and depressed
the shit out of me. He was destined to find the
stud of his dreams at school but he was a good
friend to me and every once in a while let me
tumble him back into bed.

It took some of the physical pressure off me
with Skyler, who continued to be the stuff of
my dreams.