Date: Wed, 27 Jul 2005 19:18:06 -0700 (PDT) From: Thomas Gaige Subject: Brothers, Friends, & Lovers - Chapter 23 DISCLAIMER: The following story is FICTIONAL. It contains descriptions of sexual activities between men, teenage boys, and between men and teenage boys. If you are not over 18 years of age, or if you find this type of story offensive, or viewing this material is illegal where you are, then please DO NOT READ IT! If you choose to read it, then - I hope you enjoy it! Brothers, Friends, & Lovers Chapter 23 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hey! It's really hot! They've got open swim over at the high school pool - only costs a couple bucks to get in. Feel like going for a swim? I'll treat!" Jason said to Bobby, after they'd exchanged the usual pleasantries. "Sure!" Bobby replied, grinning to himself, as his mind leapt immediately to the locker room, where he knew they'd both have to change in front of each other. "I can't believe I'm finally gonna get to see Jason naked!" he thought to himself, completely forgetting he was on the phone with Jason. "So?" Jason asked. "Huh?" Bobby asked, as he suddenly realized Jason had been talking, and must've asked him a question he missed. "Wake up! I asked you if you wanted me to just come get you right now, or if you needed to wait a while," Jason said. "Um... right now's fine!" Bobby said, as he felt his heart begin to race, and his dick beginning to fill with blood. "'K. See you in a few then," Jason said. "'K. Bye," Bobby said. Bobby couldn't stop smiling to himself, as he got his swim trunks and beach towel down off the shelf in his closet. He and Jason had spent a lot of time together the past few weeks, and this was the first time they were going to do something where they would be getting a chance to see each other undressed. It was something he'd been waiting for, almost from the moment he'd met Jason! When Bobby had first met Jason, it was right after Luke had died, and he was still devastated by it. He'd secretly been in love with Luke, but had never gotten to telling him. In fact, nobody knew this. Bobby didn't have any friends, because at school he was picked on all the time. All the bullies called him a 'fairy' or a 'faggot' all the time. Although Bobby had figured out over the intervening years since he'd passed through puberty, that he was indeed gay, he really didn't understand how anyone else could know. He didn't think he acted overtly queer or anything. Anyway, anyone else who didn't pick on him, who he might've had a chance to be friends with avoided him, so as not to draw the bullies attention, and be branded a "Homo" as well. At home, there were no other boys in the neighborhood to play with, and not even any girls his own age either. So, when Jason had started coming around after the funeral, like Luke used to do sometimes, Bobby was happy to have someone - anyone, to talk to and hang around with. Even though Bobby was still very grief stricken about losing Luke, he hadn't failed to notice that Jason was really good looking, just like Luke had been, only Jason was a little taller, and of course, slightly older looking. And most importantly - he had a GREAT body! Bobby couldn't help but stare as his crotch whenever Jason wasn't looking, because Jason usually wore tight jeans and his genitals always bulged obviously! Whenever Bobby looked at Jason, he quickly developed a boner! Almost from the start of their friendship, Bobby had been hoping that Jason would do something with him that would require them getting naked together. He wanted to see if Jason looked as sexy nude, as he did clothed. He was sure he would! As Bobby sat on the edge of his bed, daydreaming about he and Jason being in the locker room together, both naked, as they pulled their swim trunks on, his penis, which was now fully erect, flexed a few times. "Fuck!" Bobby thought, suddenly horror struck. "I hope I don't get a hardon in front of him!" Instantly he began to worry about that, and quickly he began to think about other things, hoping to get his mind off sex. It didn't help though. Try as he did, his dick remained stiff as a board! "Damn!" Bobby thought, wondering how he'd keep it hidden from Jason, especially once they had their swim suits on. A moment later though, he grinned to himself, as he figured out how to make his boner disappear - at least for a while. He stood up and unbuckled his belt, opened his jeans and shoved them and his underwear down to his ankles. When he stood back up, his 6-1/2" piece of meat stuck straight out in front of him, dancing slightly in time with the beat of his heart. Smiling, Bobby pulled his T-shirt up, laid back down on his bed, wrapped his right hand around his shaft and began to jerk off. Bobby had only managed to give himself a few quick strokes though, when the doorbell rang. "Fuck!" Bobby exclaimed, both disappointed that he wouldn't have time to finish, and worrying anew that Jason would catch him with a hardon as they changed in a few minutes at the school. Grumbling, Bobby got up and quickly pulled his underwear and jeans back up. His dick was so hard that he wasn't able to bend it in half and fold it over in front of his balls though. "Damn!" he cried, scowling, as he shoved his stiff penis sideways to the left instead. As he zipped his pants and buckled his belt, Bobby realized that the outline of his erection was very obvious yet. He hoped that Jason wouldn't notice. The doorbell rang again. "COMING!" he hollered, as he ran down the stairs. He began to blush, as he felt sure Jason would notice his bulge. "You OK?" Jason asked, as breathing a little heavily and red-faced, Bobby pulled the front door open to let him in. "Uh... yeah!" Bobby said, turning redder still. Jason looked closely at him, then looked him up and down. A small knowing smile crossed his face when he saw the outline of Bobby's hardon pressing against the inside of his jeans. Chuckling, Jason looked up at Bobby and said, "Sorry I interrupted!" Poor Bobby turned scarlet as he realized that Jason had figured out what he'd just been about to do. "Don't sweat it! Did you get to finish though?" Jason asked. Bobby went positively maroon. "Uh.... I-I'm g-good!" he stammered, looking down at the floor. Jason chuckled, realizing he'd thoroughly embarrassed the boy. "Well... if you're sure..." he said. Then, he reached over and mussed Bobby's hair and said, "So, you're ready to go then? I mean - I'll wait if you wanta go finish!" "I'm ready," bobby mumbled, quickly, unable to look at Jason. "OK, Let's go then," Jason said with a slight chuckle, and he walked back out the front door, onto the porch. Bobby felt the heat begin to fade from his face, as soon as he realized Jason wasn't going to pursue the issue of his sexual frustration any further. A minute later, the two were in Jason's car, riding toward the high school, and Jason, realizing Bobby had been extremely embarrassed, had started telling Bobby about a movie he'd watched the night before. Bobby was very relieved to have something normal to talk about! A few minutes later, Jason eased his car into a parking space in the high school parking lot. Bobby was his usual self again, and he was happy to realize that his penis had returned to its flacid state. Quickly, he tried to think of something else, so it wouldn't begin to harden again. Jason paid at the door on the way in, and they headed into the locker room. Despite trying to think of something else, Bobby's heart was pounding furiously, and all he could think about was how in a couple moments he would finally get to look at Jason's naked body. The two entered the locker room. Automatically, Jason headed for the last bay of lockers in the back of the room. Bobby followed. When they got there, they found that most of them were empty. "Perfect! This used to be my locker when I was in school!" Jason said, grinning, as the nostalgia of the moment swept over him. "Cool! Mine's the one right here!" Bobby said, pointing to one just a few away from Jason's. They grinned at each other. Bobby set his swim suit and towel down and quickly began to strip, hoping to be finished before his dick was sticking out like a flag pole again. He also hoped to be done in time to be able to pay closer attention to Jason while he was naked. Bobby's heart was racing with anticipation at finally seeing Jason's dick. To his chagrin, he felt his cock beginning to grow rapidly. Quickly he sat down and ripped his sneakers and socks off, then stood up and pushed his jeans and underwear down. Jason was moving slower. He was just sitting down to take his sneakers and socks off. "You didn't wear your suit under your clothes?" Jason asked, as he stood up and pulled his jeans down, exposing his already swimsuit clad body. "WHAT?" Bobby, practically cried out, quickly standing up completely naked, after having just bent over to pull his jeans and underwear off over his feet. Bobby felt completely deflated. He wasn't going to see Jason naked after all! And on top of it, he was completely naked in front of Jason. Jason didn't notice the disappointed look that flashed across Bobby's face, as he realized his opportunity to see Jason naked had been dashed by the fact that Jason was already wearing his swim suit. He was too busy taking a good look at Bobby's semi-erection, which he was seeing for the first time. "Damn! He's HOT!" Jason thought to himself, and he felt his own dick starting to bone up too. All Jason wanted to do at that moment was to step over to Bobby, squat down and swallow his dick! Bobby was so upset that he hadn't thought Jason might come ready to swim, that he never noticed the way Jason was staring at his genitals. After a moment, Jason realized he'd been looking at Bobby's body for too long, and forced himself to look up at Bobby's face. Chuckling, Jason said, "I always put my suit on under my pants when I come. Then I only have to change once in front of everyone!" "Oh!" Bobby said, awkwardly, hoping that Jason hadn't heard the disappointment in his voice. "I-I never thought to do that!" "Well... now you know to do it!" Jason said. "Course, we'll still have to change after we swim anyway, but... it works for the initial undress!" "...We'll still have to change after we swim anyway..." Bobby repeated in his mind, suddenly brightening again, as he realized Jason intended to change after they swam. "Hope we don't dally too long in the pool!" he thought. Jason turned and started putting his clothes in his locker then, and Bobby quickly suited up, and stowed his own clothes in his locker. Then the two headed out to the pool. * * * Jason and Bobby had a good time swimming together, although when they first walked out to the pool, there was a small group of bullies there, who Bobby knew from school. They were all a year ahead of Bobby. If Bobby had been alone, he was sure they'd have harrassed him, like they always did during the school year. This day, they left him alone though, and he noticed that they were looking curiously at Jason, as if wondering what the connection between him and Bobby was. Bobby didn't think too long about it, because they all left about 20 minutes after he and Jason entered the pool. After they left, Bobby felt much more comfortable. He and Jason had a fun time. They swam laps together, racing each other. They spent some time jumping off the diving board, seeing who could make a bigger splash as they cannon balled into the water. And, they generally horsed around with each other, as much as was permissable in a public pool. Eventually, almost two hours later, when Bobby was beginning to wonder if Jason wanted to spend all day at the pool, Jason announced, "I don't know about you, but I'm shriveling up into a raisin! The water's starting to feel cold. I've definitely got "shrinkage" because of it! Christ - my dick's probably only the size of a hemorrhoid now! Besides I'm starving! Wanta ditch this place and go get some grub?" Bobby laughed at Jason's imagined description of his penis. Instantly he felt his own penis start to spring to life, and his heart rate go up again, as he thought how much he'd like to help Jason warm it up again! Quickly he gave Jason a nervous grin and said "Sure!" They got out of the pool and dried off, then Bobby followed Jason to the locker room. As they turned into their bay of lockers, Jason's eyes got bigger for a split second when he saw a couple of well-hung guys who looked to be about 18 or so, standing in the back of the aisle completely naked, both about to pull on their swim trunks. Immediately he felt his dick spring to life, as his eyes locked on their dicks. Both had to be at least 8" long - soft. He couldn't help but wish they'd had hardons, as he wondered how big they could get. One of the boys looked up at them as they entered the bay of lockers, so Jason abruptly turned around. As he did, he caught a glimpse of Bobby ogling the two boys as well. Bobby quickly looked away, back to Jason, when he saw the other boy look up. When Bobby saw that Jason had seen him looking at the other boys, he blushed suddenly and profusely. Jason flashed him a shit-eating grin, and winked at him, then turned to open his locker. Bobby felt his face flush instantly. He too turne to his locker. The other two boys quickly pulled on their swim trunks, then left. Jason and Bobby were alone again. "They were pretty nicely hung! Weren't they?" Jason said, looking at Bobby, and smirking when Bobby looked up and turned redder still. Bobby didn't say anything, but looked away, embarrassed. "You don't have to be embarrassed for checking them out," Jason said, chuckling softly. "All guys check each other out. Obviously, I was checking them out too!" Bobby looked up at Jason, surprised. "Well... it's natural. Guys want to know how they compare to other guys. We all look. We just try to be discrete, that's all," Jason said, smiling. Bobby smiled then too. Still facing Bobby, Jason hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his trunks and pushed downward, bending forward as his they slid down his legs toward the floor. Quickly he stepped out of them, and straightened up, so he was directly facing Bobby, fully naked. "Go ahead and take a good look," Jason said, grinning at Bobby, with a friendly, but slightly shy look. "Nobody's around, and I know you're curious!" Bobby, who had purposely turned away, so as not to cause Jason to be suspicious that he wanted to look at him naked, twisted his head and looked up at Jason's face. Bobby wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know if Jason was mocking him, or not. He certainly did want to take a look at him though. A second or two went by, then Jason, who was still grinning, winked at him again and told him to hurry up if he wanted a look. Realizing this was his chance and Jason didn't care, Bobby stopped worrying and quickly looked down at Jason's crotch. His eyes bugged slightly, and he stifled a small gasp. "You're even bigger than those guys were!" Bobby said, in a soft, awestruck voice. Jason snickered then, and turned toward his locker. "That's cause I got a bit of a semi going! Let's get dressed now." Bobby was still looking at Jason though, thinking what a gorgeous ass he had. He would've loved to reach out and feel it, or grasp Jason's penis, but of course he couldn't do that. As Jason started to dry himself to get dressed, Bobby realized he had been looking at him too long, and hurried to get his locker open. A moment later, he shoved his swim trunks down, hoping that nobody would notice that he was sporting a semi-erection himself. As he dried himself, he turned toward Jason, who'd just sat down to put on his socks and shoes, and was staring right at him. In fact, Jason's face was almost level with Bobby's genitals. Jason chuckled and said, "You're pretty well hung yourself!" Bobby felt his face heat up instantly, but he couldn't help smiling shyly. He couldn't believe Jason thought he was hung! Jason's gaze lingered for a moment on Bobby's body, looking him up and down. "Damn! He's really cute!" Jason thought, as he felt his semi-hardon flex against the inside of his jeans. After he'd looked Bobby over for as long as he dared, lest Bobby begin to wonder, Jason looked down and busied himself with his shoelaces. Bobby quickly finished dressing then too. A few minutes later, they were both ready to go. They paused together for a moment in front of the mirror over the sinks, each running a comb through their wet hair, then they left. * * * Jason took Bobby to an icecream stand that served hot dogs and fries as well as various frozen treats. They each ordered two hot dogs and an order of fries, and sodas. Jason told Bobby to wait to order his icecream till after they'd eaten, so it didn't melt. As they sat filling their empty stomachs, Jason could see that Bobby was deep in thought about something. In fact, he'd noticed that Bobby had been rather quiet ever since they'd left the high school. "What's on your mind?" he asked, looking across the table at Bobby. "Huh?" Bobby asked, suddenly looking up at Jason, and blushing. Bobby had been replaying in his mind the scene back at the locker room, where first they'd seen the two older teenagers naked, and then he'd finally gotten to see Jason naked. All three of the older boys had been huge! Much bigger than he was himself. He'd been wondering if when he was older, he would have a bigger dick like they did too. "What're you thinking about?" Jason asked again. Bobby blushed deeper, and looked back down at his food. "Nothing really," He said in an unconvincing way, hoping Jason would believe him, and just drop it. Under Jason's continued scrutiny, Bobby blushed even more. "I know what you're thinking about," Jason said teasingly. "You're thinking about those two guys with the big dicks we saw back at the locker room!" Dumbfounded, Bobby's mouth dropped open, his eyes swung back up to look at Jason, and his face flushed deeper still. "Huh?" he asked in a feeble, strangled voice. He couldn't believe Jason knew what he was thinking about. As Jason looked at Bobby, he realized he must've inadvertently guessed correctly. Chuckling, Jason said in a low, but benevolently friendly tone, "Well... I was joking, but I get the impression from your reaction that that's exactly what you were thinking about! It's OK. Really." Bobby didn't know what to say, so he looked down at his hot dog with an extremely embarrassed look on his face. "I told you before, it's OK to check other guys out. And that we're all curious. So... it's not wrong to think about it too." Jason said. Bobby still looked embarrassed. He didn't know how to respond. He could tell Jason was looking at him, and this embarrassed him even more. He couldn't help quickly glancing up at Jason though, to see if he seemed sincere about what he'd said, or if he was joking. Jason was looking right at Bobby. He didn't look like he was teasing, or about to start picking on him. "You know... if there's anything you want to ask, or discuss... about anything... even sex... you can ask me," Jason said. Bobby was surprised to hear Jason say that. Again, he wasn't sure how to respond. Finally, after what seemed like too long a pause, Bobby croaked "Thanks!" "You're Welcome!" Jason said, smiling. "So... did you have anything you wanted to talk about? Was there something about those guys and their dicks that you were wondering about?" Bobby squirmed in his seat a little, glancing furtively at Jason a couple times. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. If Jason was going to keep him embarrassed by continuing talking about it, he might as well find some things out! "D-do you think mine'll get as big as their's or your's?" he asked finally, his face quickly becoming completely scarlet. Jason chuckled and said, "So you did have a question. Good! Well... first off, you need to understand, from what I saw in the locker room, which was only a quick look, you're already pretty good sized for your age and height. But... you're still growing all over, so I would assume, you'll get bigger down there yet too! Just how big though, nobody'll know til you're through growing. But, even if you stop now - you're fine!" Bobby smiled in an embarrassed way, but looked up at Jason. "So you think I might get bigger yet?" he asked. "I expect you will!" Jason said. "Anyway, average length for an adult, when they're hard, is between 5-1/2 inches and 7-1/2 inches, so you can gage it that way." "Cool! I'm right in the middle of average!" Bobby said, grinning widely, but then blushing deeper when he realized how much information he'd just given Jason. Grinning, Jason said, "So you've measured it? And it's 6-1/2 inches when you're hard?" Unable to speak from embarrassment, Bobby just smiled stupidly and nodded. "Cool!" Jason said smiling. "So... did you want to know anything else?" Bobby really wanted to ask Jason how big his hardon was, but he knew he didn't dare. As he thought it, he glanced furtively at Jason a couple times. Jason was just sitting looking at him. "Eight inches," Jason said finally, when Bobby didn't say anything more. "Huh?" Bobby asked, flustered. "Mine gets up to eight inches. That's what you wanted to ask yet right?" Jason asked. Bobby, whose face had begun to lighten a bit, flushed fully scarlet again. When he glanced at Jason, Jason was looking at him with a shit-eating grin on his face. Bobby couldn't help smiling himself. He couldn't believe Jason had been able to read his mind. "Anything else?" Jason asked. In truth, Bobby would've liked to ask Jason several more things, but he was too embarrassed, so he just said, "No." "OK then," Jason said. "But anytime you wanta talk, or ask questions, about anything - you can ask me. OK?" "OK," Bobby said, smiling, but still looking a bit embarrassed. They finished eating silently then, each lost in his own thoughts. When they'd finished, Jason got them ice cream, which they ate quickly, so it wouldn't melt in the heat and dribble down their hands. Then, as it was really too hot to be outdoors for too long, Jason suggested they go see a movie. Bobby thought that sounded good, so that's what they did. * * * That evening, as Jason walked in the door, Mrs. Anderson said "I have good news!" "What?" Jason asked. "Brian came home from the hospital today!" she replied, smiling. Jason stood looking at his mother, blinking for a moment. He was surprised to realize he had mixed emotions about her news. He hadn't seen Brian since he'd delivered Luke's letter to him, and just after that, Brian had tried to commit suicide again. Jason had also just begun not thinking about Luke every other minute. Although he was happy about Brian's release from the hospital, it meant that things were going to change again. He didn't know what shape Brian was going to be in. Regardless of that, if he was even allowed to spend time with Brian again, he knew it would cause him to dwell on his brother's death more in depth again. "How'd you find out?" Jason asked, after a moment. "Mrs. Abbott called. She wanted us to know. She also wanted me to tell you that if you'd like, you can visit him," Marge said. "So... he's doing better then? I mean... if he's able to have visitors and all..." Jason trailed off. "Yes, Mrs. Abbott said he was much better. She did say that he was still mildly depressed, but that he was no longer suicidal. He is continuing therapy every other day yet though," Mrs. Anderson said. "I see," Jason said. "You don't sound very enthusiastic," his mother said. "Oh! No! I mean it's great he's doing better!" Jason said. "It's just that I'd almost forgotten he'd be home. And... well... it feels strange. Part of me wants to go see him. But... part of me feels like I'd rather not. I'm just afraid of upsetting him again!" "Well, Mrs. Abbott sounded like she wanted you to visit him. So... why don't you give them a call tomorrow and see if he's up for a visit. Then if he is, go and see him. You'll be able to see for yourself then if he's OK with you coming to see him," Mrs. Anderson said. "Yeah. I guess," Jason said. As it was too early for dinner yet, he turned and went up to his room for a while. * * * Jason didn't sleep well that night. He kept having dreams about Luke and Brian. The dreams would start out nice, then something would happen, and one or both of the boys would die. Two or three times Jason was jolted awake when this happened. As a result, the next morning when he got up, he was exhausted. After a cup of coffee and a couple pieces of toast for breakfast, Jason apprehensively picked up the phone and dialed the Abbott's house. He was relieved when Brian's mother answered the phone. Mrs. Abbott sounded very cheerful and told Jason she was very happy he'd called. She told him Brian was home and was doing much better. Then she invited Jason to come over and visit him. Jason asked when would be a good time. Mrs. Abbott replied that Jason could come over whenever he wanted to. So Jason said he'd be over in a little while, and they hung up. Jason went upstairs to shower and dress then. Ordinarily, as Jason prepared to get into the shower, he almost always developed an erection, as he anticipated spending a few minutes pleasuring himself with a handful of hair conditioner as lube. This morning though, as Jason stepped into the shower, his dick was flacid. His mind was busy contemplating how his meeting with Brian would go. As Jason washed himself, he eventually ran his hands down to his crotch to wash himself. As he rubbed his penis and scrotum with his soapy hands, his thoughts about Brian became distracted by the pleasant sensations he felt. Jason looked down and saw that he was semi-erect. A slight smile appeared on his lips then, as he wrapped his right hand fully around his soapy dick and began sliding it up and down. A few seconds later, and his worries about visiting Brian were gone from his mind. His cock was fully hard, and all Jason could focus on then was the pleasure he was giving himself. He was surprised as he continued working his dick, that a mental image of Bobby suddenly flashed into his mind. In his mind's eye, he remembered what Bobby had looked like naked the previous day in the high school locker room. His thoughts zeroed in of course on the boy's genitals. As he remembered how Bobby's penis had throbbed slightly, as it was beginning to harden, Jason suddenly felt hornier. He began jacking off in earnest. As he masturbated, Jason imagined Bobby standing in front of him, masturbating as well. He imagined the look of ecstasy on the boy's face, as his orgasm began to build. A minute later, Jason felt his own orgasm starting to build. As he tilted his head backward, he imagined what Bobby looked like on the brink of orgasm, and he quickened his stroke a little, and grasped his balls with his left hand and began kneading them. "MMmmmmmm..." he moaned softly, as he felt his pleasure building. Several seconds later, in Jason's mind, he saw Bobby gasp and shoot a load of cum. Jason's body tensed up suddenly. Then he himself gasped, as a thick rope of semen shot out of his dick, landing in a streak on the shower curtain. "AAwwww!" Jason groaned, as in his imagination, Bobby groaned and shot a second load of cum, just as his own second spasm hit him, and more cum shot out of his dick. "OOoohhh!" he moaned a moment later, as he and Bobby both came again. Jason kept on stroking, and fired a few more, successively smaller loads of jism onto the shower curtain, until the last couple just dribbled out the tip of his cock, rolling over his index finger and dripping onto the shower floor. "Mmmmm ... that was nice," Jason murmured, smiling to himself, and feeling much more relaxed. "Shit I wouldn't mind really seeing Bobby getting off too!" Jason stepped under the shower spray and rinsed himself clean then, and then he directed the spray onto the mess he'd made on the shower curtain. A moment later, he watched as the water washed his sperm down the drain in the floor. A few minutes later, Jason had gotten out of the shower, dried off, dried his hair, and dressed. He was ready to go, and couldn't delay his visit with Brian any longer. With a feeling of trepidation washing over him, Jason headed out to his car to drive over to the Abbott's. * * * As Jason drove into the Abbott's driveway, he saw Brian sitting on the couch in the sun porch that stuck off the side of the house, next to the driveway. Brian's head was bent forward, and he didn't look up as Jason drove past, causing Jason to feel even more trepidation about his visit. It was too late to turn back though, as Mrs. Abbott was looking out the kitchen window as he pulled up. She'd seen him and waved gaily at him. As a feeling of mild dread flooded Jason's body, he parked his car, and walked to the house. Since Mrs. Abbott had seen him and waved at him, Jason didn't bother to ring the bell. Instead he pulled the door open and stepped into the kitchen. "Jason! How good to see you!" Mrs. Abbott said. "Hi Mrs. Abbott," Jason said. "How are you?" "I'm fine thank you - now that Brian's home," she replied. "How are you doing?" "I'm fine thanks," Jason said, painfully aware that Brian hadn't walked out to the kitchen to greet him. "How's Brian?" "Much better!" Mrs. Abbott said. "Although he won't admit it, I think he's eager to see you again. Umm... he's a bit nervous about seeing you though too - so - if you don't mind, please be easy on him." "Of course," Jason said, thinking to himself that it didn't sound like Brian was as good as everyone was really saying. "Good," Mrs. Abbott said. "He's in the sun porch. You can go right in." Jason hesitated a moment, then asked, "Is there anything I shouldn't talk about with him?" Mrs. Abbott smiled and said, "not really. His therapist wants him to start dealing with everything openly. I'd suggest though that to start, you let him bring up what you talk about." "OK," Jason said. He turned and headed for the sun porch. * * * Brian looked up nervously as Jason stepped through the door into the sun porch from the living room. Quickly Jason took in the fact that he still had a cast on his right arm, that covered most of his hand, but only went up to his elbow. Jason also saw a couple of small scars on Brian's face as well. Otherwise, he looked OK physically. Jason noted with interest that Brian was wearing the hemp bracelet Luke had left him. This surprised Jason, and pleased him. Maybe this meant Brian was doing better Jason hoped. As he looked at Brian though, he saw that he had the look of a shy and nervous little boy who had done something wrong and was feeling guilty for it. As he looked at him, Jason realized that Brian was even more nervous about their visit, than he was. His heart wrenched as he looked at Brian for a moment. Brian's beautiful brown eyes were filled with pain and fear as they gazed nervously from under his shaggy fringe of bleachy blond, curly hair at Jason. Immediately Jason's fear about seeing Brian dissolved, and all he felt was extreme compassion for Brian. He just wanted to take Brian in his arms and hold him and tell him everything was going to be alright. There was a spot on the couch next to Brian, but Jason wasn't sure how Brian would react if he sat down next to him and hugged him. Uncertain of what to do, Jason tried awkwardly to smile. "Hey!" he said softly. Brian didn't respond, but the look on his face became sadder and more nervous, and his eyes looked watery suddenly. Jason's emotions took over then, and he stopped thinking about what he should or shouldn't do. He stepped over to the couch and sat down right next to Brian, draping his left arm over the boy's shoulders. "It's OK," he said softly, pulling Brian into a sideways hug. "It'll never be OK," Brian replied, softly in a slightly quivering voice. Jason didn't know what to say, so he just hugged Brian tighter. Brian gave a slight gasp and said, "Not so tight Jase! My ribs still hurt!" "OH!" Jason cried. "Sorry!" He stopped squeezing Brian, and but continued to hug him, albeit much more gingerly. "It's OK," Brian said. The two sat quietly for a moment, neither knowing what to say. Jason noticed after a minute that Brian had started trembling a little. Jason looked down at Brian and could see that he was fighting with himself, trying not to cry. "It's OK Bri... let it out!" Jason said, rubbing up and down his left upper arm a little. Brian hesitated for a moment, but Jason tugged on him a little, pulling him in to him more snuggly, but without squeezing Brian's ribs again. Brian started to tremble a little more, and finally turned his face and leaned against Jason's chest. Jason heard him sniffling then. Tears welled in Jason's eyes, and he turned and wrapped his arms fully around Brian, taking him in his arms. Brian wrapped his own arms around Jason then and gave into his feelings and wept openly, as Jason gently held him, with tears running down his own cheeks. The two sat together, crying and embracing each other for a couple minutes, until Brian finally pulled himself together and pulled away from Jason. "I'm sorry Jase!" Brian said, looking at Jason. "What for?" Jason asked, looking into Brian's eyes. "Everything," Brian said. "For crying on you just now. For Lukey. For...what I did after he died..." With a look of pain and shame on his face, Brian looked away from Jason. "I'll accept you're sorry that Luke's gone. I am too," Jason said. "But you don't have to be sorry for anything else. It wasn't your fault he died Brian! And, I'm not trying to be mean, but what you did after Lukey died was wrong! Nobody's mad at you Brian. We just all want you to feel better again. We love you and want you to be OK. As for crying on my shoulder... well... you can do that anytime you want! I'll always be here for you!" Brian looked back at Jason. "I've had a lot of psychotherapy. I understand now that Lukey's accident, and death aren't ALL my fault. But Jason, some of the blame is mine!" Brian said, a hint of anguish in his voice. "Everyone tells me though that I never meant to hurt Luke. That it was a accident. So that's supposed to not make it my fault. I understand that I didn't do it deliberately, so that it's not as bad as if I did. But I will never stop believing that if I hadn't driven drunk that night, the accident wouldn't have happened, and Lukey would still be here with us right now! Frankly, I can't understand how you or your parents can even stand to look at me anymore!" Jason contemplated Brian for a minute, then he said, "We can and want to look at you Bri, because we love you! In our eyes, what happened that night was an accident! And Lukey's as much to blame as anyone! He got drunk too and rode in the back of the truck like that! Like you said, nobody meant for anyone to get hurt! What happened was just an accident! Even Luke believed this and told you this Brian. And if Luke were here, he'd be so pissed at you for trying to kill yourself! You have no idea how hurt he'd be that you'd try to throw your life away like that! He'd want you to go on living your life as fully as you were going to before he died! And besides that, how do you think everyone who cares about you would feel if you'd been successful??? Do you want your parents to grieve and suffer over losing you? And how about me? How do you think I'd feel? It'd be like losing Lukey all over again for me if I lost you too!" Brian's eyes got a little bigger and he looked a little surprised when Jason mentioned how he'd have felt if he'd died too. For a minute the two young men just stared at each other. Finally, Brian said, "I'm sorry Jase! I'd never do anything to hurt you. You have to believe that. It's just when Lukey died, I thought I was going to die of the pain I was feeling. I couldn't stand it. And... I thought I deserved to be punished for what I'd done. The best punishment I could think of was death, just like I'd caused Lukey." Jason opened his mouth to say something, but Brian cut him off and continued, "But Jase... I know now that killing myself would've been wrong. You don't have to worry. I'm not suicidal anymore." Jason looked at Brian for a minute, then said, "I'm glad to hear that Bri. What caused you to change your mind?" Brian hadn't expected Jason to ask that. He looked a little surprised and flustered. Finally, he said, "I-I'm not supposed to say." "What?" Jason asked, confused. Brian looked at Jason a moment, then said, "if I tell you, you promise not to tell anyone?" "OK," Jason said. Brian looked closely at him. "You really promise not to tell anyone?" "Yeah, sure," Jason said, looking curiously at Brian. "It was your mom," Brian said. "WHAT?" Jason asked. "She came to visit me at the hospital a couple weeks ago. When I saw her, I was sure she'd come to bitch me out about killing Lukey. But then she starts in on my about how dare I try to kill myself. How selfish I was to do that! You should've heard her lecturing me. She went on and on about how it wasn't my fault about Lukey - kind of like you just did. Then she started hollering at me that if I'd died, my parents would be devastated, like she was about Luke. She switched then to how Luke would've been mad at me - like you said. Then she ended by telling me she couldn't stand to lose another 'son', and that you wouldn't be able to stand losing your only other 'brother'. By then she was crying, and couldn't talk anymore," Brian said, as tears welled anew in his eyes. "My mother came to visit you and said all that?" Jason asked, incredulously. Brian nodded, as he wiped his eyes and snuffled. "When she got over her crying, she said she wasn't going to leave until I promised not to be so God Damned stupid ever again!" Brian said, smiling slightly. Jason smiled and said, "That sounds like Mom! So... did you promise?" "What else could I do? She was ready to move in there with me!" Brian said, with a chuckle. "But did you mean it?" Jason asked, seriously. "Did you promise her you wouldn't try to kill yourself again? And did you mean it?" Brian frowned slightly, and said, "Yeah Jase. I promised. And I intend to keep my promise!" Jason peered closely at Brian, trying to discern if he was lying or not. "I meant it! OK?" Brian burst out, a hint of anger in his voice. "I've had a lot of time to think about it, and I know that even though it was my fault, that Luke would've wanted me to go on. And that killing myself would only hurt people who care about me. It would make things worse for everyone. Besides... it would be the easy way out for me. If anything ... I don't deserve the easy way out. I need to stay here. To remember. And... maybe to do something to try and help other people not make the same mistake I made! I'm not sure how, but I'm going to do something, so that Lukey's life didn't end completely in vain! I have to live, so that even though Lukey died, SOME good will come of it. Not just all pain!" "Well..." Jason said. "I believe you. And... I'm happy you're not thinking the way you were before anymore. But Bri... even though you're planning on avenging Luke's death in some way, a good way, Luke would've wanted you to try to be happy too! Can you please try to do that? For Lukey's sake?" Brian glanced at Jason with a slightly annoyed look. "I'm serious Bri," Jason said. "You do deserve to be happy too! Luke would've wanted you to be!" "If it happens, it happens," Brian said, non-committally. "That's secondary to me trying to make something good happen for somebody because of all this!" "So you're willing to try?" Jason asked. "Like I said, my first priority is helping others now!" Brian said. "If I end up happy, then that'll be nice, but it's not my top priority!" "OK," Jason said, not completely happy with Brian's attitude. "I guess that'll do for now. So... do you think you'll be able to spend some time with me? You'll be helping me to get on with my life too if you do. Maybe we can help each other." Brian looked at Jason for a moment, then said, "Yeah, we can try to do that I guess. But Jase! Please promise you won't tell your mom I told you she came to visit me! She didn't wan't anyone to know. OK?" "I promise I'll keep your's and her secret!" Jason said. Then he smiled and said, " So, what kind of things can you do now? Are you still supposed to be resting or what?" "I'm OK. I can do most anything that doesn't require both hands. No swimming with the cast though really," Brian said. "Cool! So... what do you feel like doing?" Jason asked. Brian eyed Jason for a moment, then said, "you really want to help me?" "Of course," Jason said. "Well, there's something I need to do. Mom doesn't think I'm ready for it yet, but I think the sooner I do it the better," Brian said. "What's that?" Jason asked, cautiously. Brian hesitated, looking at Jason. Then he said, "Will you take me to see Lukey?" ... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The next chapter in this series will be published shortly.