But What Am I?
Chapter 1

(b/b, ns)

DISCLAIMER: This work of fiction contains explicit material intended for adults over 18. If you are under 18 or are offended by non-traditional sex, or sex between minors, do not continue. If reading this type of material is illegal in your location, proceed at your own risk. This work is the sole property of the author and may not be reposted or reproduce without the author's written permission. This is a work of fiction. If any characters resemble the living or dead, or events are similar to actual events, it is purely coincidental.

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Logan snatched a long rebound and turned his head up court. He reached around the boy attempting to guard him and launched a one-handed bounce pass to Noah. Catching the ball with his left hand, Noah took one crossover dribble to cut past a flashing opponent and into the paint. Noah gracefully laid the ball up off the backboard.

As four of the shirtless boys cheered another victory, Logan simply smiled and stared at the glistening torso of his best friend. To Logan, there was nothing in the world more beautiful than Noah. A pat on the back and then an arm around the neck congratulating him on a great pass broke the spell Noah had over him.

"Nice pass, man!" Doug pulled Logan in, pressing Logan's face into his bare chest. Doug's young teen musk was intoxicating.

"Thanks," replied a self-conscious Logan. If any of the boys noticed his embarrassment, they would have attributed it to the compliments he received. Logan always praised his teammates and never wanted credit for own effort. He was simply too humble. But the blush on Logan's face had more to do with the stirring in his jock.

"Great game guys," said Noah, high-fiving the last couple players as the other boys grabbed their belongings and headed home.

Logan gave Noah a huge smile. "Nice shot."

Noah returned the smile and Logan's heart fluttered. "Nice pass." Noah gave Logan a quick hug, pressing their bare chests together. Logan returned the hug, savoring the brief contact. He closed his eyes to focus on ever point of contact and inhaling Noah's unique scent. Logan noticed the pressure of the taunt pouch of Noah's jock as it nudged him just to the left of his own.

`Thank goodness I'm wearing a jock,' thought Logan. He'd followed Noah's lead, only wearing a jock under his gym shorts, especially when they went into town to play sports. Noah explained it was much more comfortable than wearing underwear once you get all sweaty. It was true, but Logan appreciated that the tight pouch helped prevent boners at times like this and hid the boners when he lost that battle.

"You ready to head home?" asked Logan. Noah nodded. The boys walked over and picked up their shirts before taking a short detour to the water fountains on the back of the school building.

The water was warm, but thirst quenching. Ohio summers are hot and humid, and this sunny day was no exception. The blazing sun heated the treeless playground causing the concrete, pavement and metal to capture and radiate the sun's energy. Typically, the boys would ride their bikes home. The wind blowing across their tan skin and flowing through their hair made the August heat bearable. But Logan's bike had a flat tire so the boys walked into town. Splashing some water on their faces and shirts hung over shoulders, they began the mile and a half walk to Logan's along the highway heading east out of town.

Huntsville was once a hopping little town. It was sort of a party town along the Cincinnati, Hamilton & Dayton Railroad. The railroad stretched to this little village to meet passenger demand. For most, this little town wasn't their destination, it was Indian Lake, the new man-made reservoir to the northwest. By the early 1900s, amusement parks were the thing around the state. Not to lose out on this thriving industry the Sandy Beach Amusement Park opened at Indian Lake in 1924 and quickly became the top vacation destination in the state, earning it the nickname the "Atlantic City of the West". With its Minnewawa Dance Hall hosting dance marathons and the biggest names in entertainment, it was truly the heyday of the community.

But in the 1960s, riots broke out near the amusement park during the Fourth of July holiday week. With each passing year, more violence led to a decline in attendance and reputation. Newer, bigger, more modern, amusement the resort area's decline. Summer vacation cottages went unused and hotels abandoned.

The community the boys lived in is only a shadow of what it once was. The current recession caused most of the area's factories to close and the summer cottages around the lake had become cheap housing -- especially since most weren't built for year-round use. The amusement park was an abandoned eyesore and the railroad no longer ran through Huntsville.

The fortunes of the two boys couldn't be more different. Logan's family broke up what seemed like ages ago to the boy. His dad didn't want to be tied down with a wife and kids. Frustration led to violence before his father moved back to his parents' home. Since Logan, his mom and little brother Stevie lived in a house owned by his dad's parents. When their father wanted to move back into the house, Logan's family was kicked out. Within months, his father was remarried to lady with two kids almost the same ages of Logan and Stevie.

Two weeks before the end of first grade, Logan came home to find his mother and her friends packing up everything in the house. His mom, who'd given birth to Logan when she was just 15, had gotten a job as a waitress in a biker bar and the owner offered his attic for storing their belongings and a place to sleep, but didn't want them in the house during the day. For the next year, Logan slept on the floor of the attic and his days at school, at the bar, or on the streets, and he preferred the streets to the bar. Especially with the lake close by.

Eventually, the people renting one of the houses on the family farm moved allowing Logan to move into the home his mother had grown up in. That's when he met Noah.

Noah's family owned a plot of land that sat in the middle of Logan's family's farm. A cute Cape Code style home with a large two-car garage set on the large property. There was also a man-made pond and an apple orchard with Red and Golden Delicious apples. Noah's brother and sister were graduating high school when he was born. Essentially, he grew up as an only child with all the benefits of being the youngest of three. His father managed a grocery store and drove a school bus. Noah's mother was in charge of the meat and produce sections and supervised the store when her husband wasn't there. With both parents working at the store and his father's bus route, the family did fine. Snowmobiles, dirt bikes, and anything else Noah wanted.

Though Noah was a few months younger than Logan, Logan idolized Noah. It wasn't Noah's material wealth, popularity, or good-looks that Logan appreciated about Noah, it was the boy's heart. Since they'd become friends that first day Noah rode his bike down the road to see the new family moving in, he never treated Logan as anything other than an equal, a friend. That meant the world to Logan. They would ride dirt bikes or snowmobile together, get into mischief, or go into town and meet up with the other boys in town, and Noah always invited Logan.

Logan always suspected that their friendship was more one sided, but he didn't care. His friendship with Noah was like the most precious jewel and he would protect it and cherish it beyond anything else. That's not to say it didn't hurt sometimes. Each summer Noah's family went on a big vacation and Noah's friend John went with them. Logan was never certain if Noah ask John to go, or if John went because the two boy's parents were such good friends. Logan never asked because he didn't want to know the answer. Noah was his best friend, even if he wasn't Noah's.

A car was coming and since the ditch was deep, but boys walked in single file until the car passed. Logan always let Noah walk ahead so he could lust after his friend. Noah's brown hair was cut in a standard boy's cut and looked especially messy after several games of basketball and running his shirt over it to wipe away the sweat. Gazing down Noah's neck and back, Logan could see every muscle. Though Noah was slender and had narrow shoulders and hips, he showed well-toned muscle definition and not a speck of fat. Though Noah had an olive completion that made him look lightly tanned even in the winter, the summer sun turned his skin a beautiful deep tan. Scanning down farther, Logan spied the top of Noah's jock strap sticking out above the elastic band of his red shorts.

Logan remembered the day that jock strap was purchased. He'd ridden with Noah and his mother to the sporting goods store. He and Noah were looking at the different jockstraps when, right in front of Noah's mother, Noah asked what size Logan thought he'd wear. To Logan, Noah might as well have asked, "Do you think this is big enough for my dick?" He felt that if he answered, he'd reveal to Noah's mother that he knew how big her son's junk was (which he did) and didn't think that was something she needed to know. Logan had never been more embarrassed in his life.

Below the elastic band of the shorts was Noah's beautiful ass - small, square and muscular. Noah's ass did things to Logan that he just didn't understand. It made him want to do things that his brain deemed inappropriate or even perverted. The ass sat atop two, long, spindly legs that were toned and tan. Noah's high-stepping gait when he ran brought teasing from his friends, particularly during baseball season when he stole a base. It was all in good fun. Noah was blazing fast, almost as fast as Logan.

The car passed and the boys were side-by-side again. "You're quiet," he said.

Logan looked at Noah. His friend's deep brown eyes were questioning, but the smile that brightened Logan's heart did so once again. He loved that smile, even if Noah had an overbite and wore braces. He just wanted to kiss him. Instead, Logan just gave him a shrug.

"I think my mom and dad are going out tonight," said Noah, "I think my mom wants you to spend the night?"

That was an invitation Logan never refused. There were times the reality of the situation never failed to amaze him. He could only recall ever spending the night at Noah's house once, maybe twice, when his friend's parents were home. But more and more frequently, Noah's mother would invite Logan to spend the night when they planned a night out. He was honored that Noah's parents trusted them to be alone. If Noah were to have anyone else spend the night, he'd also have to have a babysitter. For example, if John spent the night -- John's older sister would babysit. Even if it only boiled down to him being a free babysitter, he didn't care. He wanted to be with Noah and having Noah all to himself for the evening was the best.

"Okay," said Logan, trying not to sound too excited. It didn't matter how he sounded, his excitement was written all over his face.

They reached Logan's house first, Noah lived in the next house up the road, but it was another half mile to Noah's. The house was a little white five-room Vallonia model Logan's grandfather purchased from the Sears catalog in the late 1930s. Noah took his typical spot on the cheek wall along the front steps to wait as Logan entered the house.

Passing through the living room, Logan looked out the side window and noticed there were no vehicles in the driveway. It was typical, Logan's mother was always busy running around doing one project or another to make some money to support the family or dealing with Stevie and his issues. Stevie was a little hellion, four years younger than Logan and almost a complete opposite. Stevie had learned to bribe his mother -- good behavior for things that he wanted -- and their mother, unable to deal with Stevie's behavior, always gave in, hoping that this time the bribe would work. But the deal always required the bribe be paid first and it never worked. Stevie got what he wanted. While Stevie and their mother had a contentious and codependent relationship, Logan was the third wheel. Before sixth grade, his mom told him that she didn't care what he did or where he went -- he was the smart one and could take care of himself. Her only rules where to not stay out too late on a school night and if he ever got in trouble, he was on his own. She had other things to deal with, like Stevie. He loved freedom of not having any parents looking after him. But there were times when he felt small, alone and insecure, and he longed for someone, anyone, that he felt was there for him -- someone to have his back. Noah was the closest thing he had to the unconditional love and support every child should receive from loving and attentive parents.

Running up the stairs, he stopped in the bathroom and relieved his bladder. A cursory wash of his hands, he grabbed his toothbrush and took a moment to look at himself in the mirror. Staring back at him was what he considered to be a typical, plain looking, boy. To save money, his mom cut his golden-brown hair. She liked to keep it on the longer side, but Logan didn't like it. It always seemed short enough that his curls couldn't curl, but long enough that it wouldn't lay flat and flipped up all over the place. But that was Logan, he always thought the worst of himself and overlooked his good qualities. The girls loved his hair, his deep-blue eyes, and his shapely, red lips. He also sported what would have been the perfect Greek nose if it wasn't for a knot on the bridge from when his father punched him and broke it.

It was Christmas almost two years ago. His little step brother David got boxing gloves for Christmas and their dad was taking turns boxing David and Stevie. Logan didn't want to box and his father made him put on the boxing gloves. Keeping his guard up, he blocked each of his father soft jabs, but didn't punch back. That spurred his father on -- teasing his oldest son, calling him names including a girl, sissy, pussy, and the ultimate insult, a little faggot.

"Awe... Are you crying now?" teased his dad. Logan wiped the tears away with his forearm to clear his vision. He finally had enough and threw a roundhouse as hard as he could.

"You fucking trying to hurt me?" his dad shot back right before he hit Logan with a right that sent the boy flying across the room, over an end table, ending up against the living room wall. David and Stevie thought it was hilarious. The blood ruined Logan's favorite shirt.

In the winter, Logan was much paler than Noah, but his sun-kissed skin tanned dark, giving Noah a run for his money when it came to who had the darker tan. Though the two boys were about the same height and on the shorter side for being 13-years-old, Logan was broader and more muscular than Noah. In Logan's mind, Noah was perfect and despised his bulkier frame. Whether it was working on his grandfather's farm, all the sports and running around he did with Noah, or the secret that too frequently he went hungry because there wasn't enough food in the house, like Noah, Logan's body didn't display an ounce of fat.

Perhaps the most impressive feature for Logan was his legs. He dreamed of being in the Tour de France someday. He'd saved his money up and the summer before sixth grade he purchased a silver Huffy Strider 10-speed. It was his prize possession. He knew everything about the bike and more than once, completely disassembled the bike to clean and maintain each part before putting the bike back together. He often took long five- or six-hour bike rides where he'd explore the country roads and towns while covering 70 or 80 miles on a single ride. This benefited him when it came to playing football. His muscular legs and low center of gravity made it difficult for even the older, bigger boys to bring him down when he was carrying the ball.

The small room he and Stevie shared was just to the right of the bathroom. Logan pulled a small, red nylon gym back with white handles and the school's name and mascot on the side from under his bed. Tossing in the toothbrush, he quickly added a pair of underwear that seemed clean, a T-shirt, shorts, and his favorite tube socks striped with light blue and gold like the UCLA Bruins football jersey's.

Running back down the stairs, he left a note on the kitchen countertop telling his mom he was going to be at Noah's, then out the door. Noah suggested they push Logan's bike to his house. "I think I have an extra inner tube you can have," Noah offered. Threading the drop handle bars through the handles of the bag, the boys headed to Noah's house.


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