Date: Sat, 21 Jun 2008 18:01:13 -0700 (PDT) From: Blake sanders Subject: "Coming Out Within The Hurt" CHAPTER 2 BB AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS IS A 100% FAKE, MADE UP, AND COMPLETELY UNTURE STORY. THERE IS NO SEX IN THIS STORY IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO READ. IT DOSE HAVE GAY CONTENT WITH YOUNG BOYS. IF THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS ILLEIGEL FOR YOU TO READ STOP NOW. THE NAME OF A WEB SITE MALESUVIVOR.ORG IS A REAL SITE THAT HELPS WITH HEALLING OF ABUSE FOR MEN, BOYS, FRIENDS AND FAMILIES OF SURVIVORS, HOWEVER THE EVENTS THAT HAPPEN ON THE SITE IN THIS STORY ARE FAKE. THE SITE IS LISTED HERE FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT NEED HELP DEALING WITH CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE. THIS STORY MAY NOT BE COPIED FOR ANY REASON WITHOUT WRITEN PROMISSION FROM THE AUTHOR. WITH THAT SAID ENJOY! P.S. Please feel free to email me about what you think of the story. I would enjoy hearing from you. Flamer will not be read. "Coming Out Within The Hurt" By: Kirk Gilbert © 2007 Chapter 2 "The Big Split" "Get up Justin Andrew Dolton get ready, and make it nice. I don't want you to ware any of that dirty crap you ware to school." "Mom, today is a school day." "Well you're not going today. Now get up and get dressed." What was going on? I'm not going to school today? Where was I going? Did I really mess up so bad this time they are getting rid of me? These questions scared me. I got myself wound up in fear of not knowing what was going to happen to me. My stomach was in knots by the time I was in the shower to the point that I threw up. Good thing I was in the shower coz I made a big mess that soon washed away. I got out feeling light headed and dizzy. I managed to get dried off and half way dressed, when I woke up on the floor with a major head ache, and my mom yelling at me to get a move on. I finished getting dressed and grabbed some phone numbers, some papers I wanted to keep, and three Reds I had hidden in my room. Then I headed down stairs. I really wanted to call Cody, but I had no time so my mother said. "Where are we going mom?" "We are going to the court house to meet with a judge and your father." My heart sank and my stomach turned. I felt like I was about to puke again, but didn't. "Your father made arrangements with a friend of his who is a devoirs judge here in town. Your father doesn't love us and doesn't want us anymore. Just tell that to the judge. Also tell him that your father likes to drink too much, and drinks most of the time." Under her breath I could just make out the words; "that will show him!" "We also need to go by the Phone Company and electric company to have those put in my name. I refuse to hand over my house!" I was being put in the middle of things again, and used to push blame on the other person. I still wasn't sure what was going to happen to me, and I was to afraid too ask. I was right about being put in the middle of things, because when we got there my dad said to say the same thing about my mom. We walked down a long hall to the last door on the right. There was a young lady sitting behind a desk. She seemed nice, but didn't seem to like me that much. She told me to take a seat, and keep quiet. I did the only thing I knew to do at the point where the judge wanted to see just me. "My name is Judge Bradford. Please sit." I took my seat in front of a large cheery wood desk. If it were in the office, it was wood or leather, but for the books and papers that where strung all over the place. It was a nice office. It was like something you would see in a movie of some kind. It was nothing like what I had pictured in my head on the way to see the judge. "You are Justin correct?" "Yes sir." "What can you tell me about your mother and father?" "I don't want to be put in the middle of things." I paused for a moment. "And if I had it my way I would devoirs both of them! That is, as long as I have a place to go." "Well, I can't help you there, but if you had a choice to live with one...." "My mother!" I stopped him short almost shouting. "That is fine." "Will we have to be here tomorrow?" I asked hoping I would not be to bold by asking my question so soon. "No, I think you would be much happier in school." He just smiled and said "Thank you for talking to me." I walked out and sat down in the chair there in the small lobby, that I had been waiting in before I was called into the office. My mother looked at me, and winked her eye as she entered back into the judge's office. Then my dad came walking in, and just sneered at me following my mother inside. I sat there for a long time, but it gave me a chance to do some thinking and day dreaming. I thought about living on the streets, and what cities I could go to that I could get a job or even sale myself for work or even sex. Because, I heard people who do that make a lot of money. If I did that I wouldn't have to have anyone hate me all the time. I thought to myself, people would use me, and then be out of my life. Cha-ching, I would have money to survive....fat chance of that happening. They'd just rob me, use me, and leave me to die again. I spent the next seven hours in the judge's waiting room doing nothing. I did take a nap when I knew no one was around, and got lunch from a vending machine down the hall with some money I found in the secretary's desk, that I went through when she stepped out for lunch. I think the secretary knew I had taken the money, because a guard came in and stood next to me for the rest of the time I was there. Finally my mother appeared, and was red in the face. I knew she was mad so I didn't say one word. I knew she was mad at me for breaking up my dad and her. I thought she was going to leave me there until she motioned for me to follow her. It took what seemed like forever to get home, because of all the places we had to go. Fact is, I kept thinking the next stop is the one I would be tossed out at. Every red light, every stop sign, and ever place we pulled up to, but the last stop was back at home. Later that night my dad, and a friend of his, showed up with a truck and a big trailer. They took almost everything that was in the house including the desk from my room. Leaving me with my dresser, nightstand, and bed not that I ever slept on my bed, but never the less it was in my room. I had slept on the floor next to my bed some of the time, but most of the time I would sleep under my bed or in the closet. The only thing I need to make my own bed is a blanket and pillow. I don't even need night clothes, because I sleep in my clothes most of the time. Even though I really didn't do anything all day I was tired and went to my room after getting online and watching TV. I tried not to go too sleep by singing and listening to the radio, but never-the-less I was out cold. That night I had a nightmare I will most never forget, but will never tell a soul about, other than maybe Cody. I must have screamed pretty loud because my mom came in asking what happened. I simply told her nothing other than the wind hitting the tree branch on my window. For the most part she still believes that old line, but it gets her off my back for the time being. She told me to get in my real bed, but I moved back to the floor as soon as she shut the door. Being it was three in the morning I just stayed awake till around five when I jumped in the shower. I love a nice hot shower letting the hot water run down my body with ease. I washed my hair and just stood there indulging in the warmth of my own little heaven. Well at least till my mother started banging on the door, complaining about having no hot water, like she takes showers in the morning! She has always taken showers before she goes to sleep. I put on fresh jeans, t-shirt, and my sneakers and headed down stairs to the dinning room. I grabbed up my school stuff. Now this took a lot of time, because my dad ransacked my stuff. He even tore some of my books up. I would have to get the money to replace them at school. I was out the door in a flash after getting my stuff together. I didn't even see my mother, and that was a good thing. I thought I had more than enough time to get to school. So, I took the long way, instead of going around the house and out the back gate. I walked around the block taking my time for the most part. I got down to the stop sign when I, not looking where I was going, ran right in to Cody knocking him down. From how hard we hit each other, I knew he was moving much faster than I was. "Hey watch where...oh hi Justin. Where were you yesterday? I waited for you hoping you would at least make it to lunch, but you never showed. I'm sorry if I pissed you off the other day. It's just you had me worried something was wrong." "You didn't do anything Cody. Mom and dad split up and we had to go see a judge yesterday. That's all." "Dude, that's major. You ok, dude?" "I'm fine." "Ok. Now how are you really doing?" "Ok. I just haven't had time to let it all sink in." "Well let me know if you want to talk. You know I'm always here for you." Cody said to me softly trying to comfort me. "So, can I ask what happen?" "Well they were fighting and..." "No. What happened last night?" Cody interrupted. "Nothing happened." "Justin, I know something happened!" "What do you mean?" "When ever you walk this way I can tell you have not slept well. You walk this way coz you have to much time on your hands, and I'm just guessing here, but you need to think or get your mind off things." "Oh that. Just another nightmare is all. No big deal." "No big deal? Justin you need to talk to someone about those nightmares. You're always tired. You fall asleep in class. You never seem to have energy too do anything... I wish you would talk about it, if not to me, then to a professional or someone." "I don't need to see a shrink. Really I can handle it." I said starting to get bugged at him. He must have sensed what I was feeling, because he didn't push the point anymore. We continued walking down the street to the school without a word. We arrived to see Johnny Winton, Mike Hedrick, and Billy Alexander waiting for the rest of the mad pack to show up. We did our best to pretend that they where not there, and they did everything they could do, to let us know they where there. Our plan was working for the most part until they teamed up grabbing me and throwing me over the side of the steps. The six to eight foot fall didn't hurt, no; it was the impact on the concrete at the bottom that hurt. Like always being the cowards they really are, they turned and ran. Cody ran to where I landed, yelling to see if I was ok. I simply sat up, and shook it off. I grabbed up my stuff and headed inside with Cody still wanting to know if I was ok. I told him I was fine, but we need to put a mattress there, or I needed to work on my landings. Something told me he was not amused at either idea. We sat down at our desks in our first class, and were quietly talking when Mr. Dutchman came in looking at both of us like; "Ok and what is going on here?" "Is everything ok gentlemen?" We shook our heads, and went back to what we were talking about. In the middle of class I was woke up by Mr. Dutchman calling my name saying I needed to go to the office. I thought "Crap of all the days to get caught sleeping in class." I said sorry as I gathered up my stuff, and started for the door. Mr. Dutchman said "You might need this." He handed me a piece of paper before I left. I didn't bother reading it, till I got in the hall and knottiest that it was yellow paper and not the normal pink paper that are hall passes, or the dreaded white detention slips. Please send Justin Dolton to the office immediately. The counselor would like to see him/her in the matter of ... at home issue was checked...to further help him/her in this matter. "Wonderful! Just fucking wonderful!" I thought as I walked to the office. I arrived at the office to see a lady waiting at the front desk talking to the secretary. She was pretty. She was middle aged with thin sandy blond hair, just at shoulder length, that she had in a pig tail. She had on a dress with light colored flowers on it. Next to her was that kid that had dropped the napkins on the table a few days ago. For some reason, I couldn't take my eyes off of him, but I didn't know why. He had on loose fit blue jeans, not baggy but just loose, a plain white t-shirt, and sneakers. He was about my height, give or take an inch and about ten or twenty pounds more than me. He had brown hair and the deepest blue eyes, that I will never forget. The lady turned around and said "Oh you must be Justin Dolton." I shook my head. "Well let's step in to my office and talk for a bit, ok." I just followed her in to a small office with a desk, three chairs, and a filing cabinet in it. I sat in the chair closest to the wall with the door right behind me. She sat down behind the desk and said "I am Mrs. Walton your head school counselor." "I guessed that from the sign on the door." I said already freaking out, getting defensive, and feeling that I was going to be attacked at any moment. "Yes my name is on the door. Don't worry I don't bite hard!" She said with a laugh. "Now let's talk about why I called you in today." I was thinking "lets not", but said "ok." "I hear you have been having some problems at home, do you want to talk about it." "No." "I know it's hard on a child when parents divorce, and it dose help to talk about it, and that is why I am here. I am here for you to talk about it with, and maybe help you in any way that I can." "Well, they split up. I'm living with my mom. End of story. Now that we have talked about it, can I go back to class?" "Justin I am sure there is more to the story than that. Why not tell me how you feel?" "I feel fine." "Do you feel sad? Do you feel mad? Do you feel happy?" "I said, I feel just fine!" "Calm down, Justin. It sounds like you are angry to me, and you have every right to be..." "You don't know me! You don't know how I feel! Who are you to call me in here and judge me?" I yelled. "You're right, but I wasn't..." I cut her off before she could finish. "Why don't you just butt-out of my life, and let me go back to class?" "Justin, I am just trying to help you." I said nothing. She continued. "I know you may not want to talk right now, but know, it dose help to talk about things." Seeing that she was not going to get anywhere with me she said "That's fine." and wrote me a pass as she told me she is there if I ever did want to talk. Walking back to class I kept thinking about Kevin, the boy I had seen in the office, and who also dropped the napkins on the table. I could not seem to get him out of my mind. "It must have been his eyes." I thought to myself as I walked down the hall. This made me mad at my self, at the same time, because after just having talked, or yelled at the school shrink you would think I would be thinking about that, and not some kid I don't even know. I didn't feel much like going back to my first hour class. I headed for Mrs. Barns class for math. It was a good thing I did too, because when I arrived the bell for first hour to end rang. I went in and had a seat. Mrs. Barns went out into the hall to watch the students, and to make sure there were no fights in the halls. As the last few remaining students were leaving, I was hit in my side by Mike Hedrick. I could feel and hear my ribs breaking under the force of the blow. "What you going to cry now? You sorry pile of shit! What a fucking fag!" Mike said as he slapped my head, and walked out of the room. I didn't get up, and I was still in a lot of pain. I didn't want anyone to see me cry. I sucked it up like I always did, and got my stuff out so I would be ready for class to start. At lunch I pulled Cody over to the side where no one was to fill him in on what happen in the office with the shrink. I did tell the gang about my parents splitting up. That only led in to many stories of "I heard" "They say". Some of the stories scared me, but for the most part I knew they where just stories. I also didn't tell anyone about the pain from my ribs, as it would end up with me even in more pain than I already was in. The rest of the week flew by before my eyes. At lunch on Friday I asked Cody if we were still on for the night we had planned, and he said "Yep sure are!" The rest of the day went like clock work. I must have lucked out, I only ran in to the mad pack five or six times. I think every school has a mad pack of some kind. What would we do with out them? Ha! Yeah right, a school without a mad pack would not be a school. I was glad it was Friday, because we had our start to the weekend get together after school. We would most often walk about a half mile down the road from the school to this little place called The Game Room. There were around one hundred games there, and a snack bar if you got hungry. We liked The Game Room much more, than the more popular Laser Tag & Arcade that was closer to the school, because it was not as crowed and not near as loud. We would play a few games and mostly just hang out, talk, and try to show up each other, but always half way through we would talk more about the important stuff going on in our world. Cody began, and finished, the more important issues after the last of the school kids had gone home for the night. "Guys I...we have something to tell you. We, Ste and I, hope you will still want to be our friends after this, but...well... we like each other." I was like ok and like what's new about that. The rest of the gang just got this confused look on there faces. Brandon and Tommy started whispering to each other, and Will, as William liked to be called, and brad just looked at each other in mass confusion. Finally I spoke breaking the silence. "We know you too have been good friends for a long time. So, what's new about that, and why would we hate you for it?" "No we like each other like more than friends. We love each other like boyfriends." Ste said taking hold of Cody's hand. Taking one last look around the room to make sure no one else was close enough to hear what all we were talking about. I was shocked and could not speak. Will and Brad just smiled and said yes they already knew, and they can only guess how hard it must be to come out. At that I was thinking "Where have I been, and how did I miss this?" That is when I knew I was loosing it all together. Under the table I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming. That was just bad timing on my part, because pinching myself caused me to yelp in pain. "You not ok with it Justin?" Cody asked me waiting for some kind of reply. "Justin?" He was starting to get worried. "Justin?" He yelled while shaking my arm. "Oh yeah I'm cool with it. Why didn't you tell me Cody?" "I didn't know how you would take it, and I didn't want to loose you as my best friend." "Well you're going to have to do something pretty bad to loose me as a best.... I'm your best friend?" I said stopping myself. What can I say but when it rains it pours. It finally hit me that I was Cody's best friend. "Yes Justin you are. Hell, Justin, you're more like my brother." Cody said softly. At that I was lost in thought first on having a brother, must less a gay brother. After all this time I never knew Cody was gay. I may have thought a time or two that Ste was gay, but never Cody. Well there went any thought I may have had of Ste being shiver_boy. I in my own little way wanted Ste to be him, because I already knew him. Being that Ste was Seeing Cody I can almost say that Cody would tell me about him being online, at the same time while talking to shiver_boy online. Shiver_boy said he is not seeing anyone, and doesn't know any other gay guys from our school. Well I had just found two, or should I say two just found me. I pulled Cody to the side. "I guess you're going to want to spend more time with Ste?" I said. "Well yes, but we have already talked, and agreed, that our relationship will not interfere with our friends, and time spent with the gang." Cody said "Not only that, but we are only coming out to the gang, and no one else. We aren't even telling our parents, or teachers, or anyone other than just you guys in the gang. We don't think we are ready for everyone to know yet." Ste added "So, Justin, our plans for tonight is still on, that is, if you still want to come over?" "I still want to come over. Like I said, it doesn't bother me. I just didn't want to never see you again. You know, like when someone's best friend starts seeing someone, and that ends the friendship? You know, like in the movies?" "Justin, I may be wrong, but as far as I know, this isn't the movies. Not only that, but I would rather watch a movie than to be in one." Ste had to through his two cents in as well. I thought about telling Cody what all I had been thinking about myself as far as being gay is concerned, but thought it best if I didn't. I was still confused, and didn't know how to explain what all I have been feeling. We all talked about what if someone finds out or what if Ste and Cody slip up and get found out, along with how and when they might come out too everyone at home and school. What can I say; we must have talked about it all? Or, at least so we thought! Cody and I then headed to my house, so I could grab my stuff for our sleep over at Cody's house. Our parents knew we had these sleepovers on weekends at least once every two or three weeks, so we never had to ask. We got to my house to find my mother running around moving things, as to make the house not look so empty. She would move a chair from one spot to another, and then look at it for a moment. Soon after that, she would move that same chair right back to where it came from just to look at it again. I do wonder if she knew just how funny she looked doing that, or if she would ever get anything done. Cody thought she looked funny, but tried not to laugh. But, if you had asked her what time Cody and I got home or if we were even there she wouldn't have even heard you. I headed up stairs and jumped online to find shiver_boy in chat, along with three others. I didn't have a lot of time to chat, but I wanted to check my e-mail, and chat for a little while. Cody waited for me down stairs, being I would not be long. I already had my stuff ready to go, so I knew I had a little time to chat. Not only that, but Cody knew that I always checked my e-mail everyday as soon as I got home. downandout: hi shiver_boy: hi downandout: hows it going shiver_boy: ok just board downandout: well I can't chat for long got stuff to do shiver_boy: thats cool how your day go downandout: it went ok can I ask you a question shiver_boy: sure downandout: how do you know if your gay shiver_boy: donno never thought about it other than I know I like boys and not girls like in a boyfriend girlfriend way...why downandout: well there is a guy I don't even know and I cant stop thinking about him shiver_boy: do you like him downandout: I don't even know him. I just see him every now and then shiver_boy: well that doesn't make you gay if you are just thinking about him downandout: ya I guess your right....if I am gay then at least I have some one to talk to who knows what im going through shiver_boy: yep hehe me downandout: well time to go shiver_boy: ok talk to you laterz downandout: bye shiver_boy: bye Shiver_boy always gets me thinking, and I had a lot of thinking to do. The thought of being gay did scare me, not to mention what the mad pack would do and say if they were to find out. That is to say, if I was really gay. I tried to put the whole thought of being gay out of my mind, but it kept poking it's way back in every now and then. PEACE IS BEAUTIFUL, BLAKE Well, that raps up chapter 2. OK, so here we are still getting to know more about Justin and his new friends. It, in a way, is just like the paths we live to lead us on the ups and downs of on the roller coaster we call life. In the end, I think, there is some kind of balance. In time, as the story plays out, you may see this happen. I am also in need of an editor whom has written other great stories here on Nifty. As someone, whom learned to read in high school, I never thought I would be writing, much less reading hundreds of stories here at Nifty. This is the first story I have ever written, and I do hope you like it. Again, Please feel free to email me at blake_sanders_1999@yahoo.com It would be super to hear what all you think, comments, suggestions, etc. I can only wish to be as good as other authors that I've read here on Nifty. I would like to thank those authors for giving me the power within myself, and inspiration to write. I would also like to thank Nifty for posting my story on www.nifty.org Thanks for reading Coming Out Within The Hurt.