Date: Mon, 27 Jun 2022 11:08:00 +0100 From: Andrew Passey Subject: Coming Out Part Twenty Three (Young Friends) I was roused from my gentle sobbing by my phone dinging. I fumbled for it, desperately hoping it was some positive news. "I'm home, where are you?" It was from Mum. "I'm at Kings, Jamie's had an accident and been taken to hospital. I don't know how he is, they won't tell me." My phone stayed silent for a couple of minutes and then her reply came in "Oh sweetheart, I know you two are great friends, it must be difficult not knowing. But they won't be able to tell you anything as you aren't family. Come home and I'll cook dinner and then will phone his parents for an update." "I'm not hungry. I'd rather stay here." "It's a school night Sam, you need to come home." "I can't leave! What if he needs me?!" "Sam, I know you're feeling emotional as your friend is in hospital. But his parents will be there, whatever state he is in he needs them, not a friend who just wants his friend to feel better, it's sweet that you want to support him but it's best you come home and let his family deal with things. I'm sure he's fine and I'm sure he'll message you tomorrow and you can both laugh about what has happened. Please get the next train home, you can't do anything there." Would Mum have been more understanding if she knew the truth about me and Jamie? That he was my boyfriend, the person I loved more than anything in the world? I don't know really but it was what it was. I hadn't told her about us and with Jamie in god knows what condition it wasn't my place to. Would I ever be able to? What if he didn't make it? Fuck, I might not see him again! I fought back the tears and my mind was racing, playing tricks on me, I needed to see him but I knew Mum was right. That left me in a dilemma though. Stay and wait for news that probably wouldn't come or go home and deal with Mum and my emotional fallout. I was just deciding when I heard a voice over my shoulder. "Sam! What are you doing here?" I looked up to see Jane heading over to the vending machines then making a beeline to me. "I heard Jamie was in hospital and I wanted to see him." "Bless you, but you shouldn't have come. It's family only and even then he needs his rest. I know you're good friends..wait have you been crying?" "I was worried about him, all I knew was there was an accident, I didn't know how bad it was." "Oh that's so sweet of you, I, sure he'll appreciate it. It doesn't seem too serious, mostly bruises although he's been bashed around a lot. He's pumped up with painkillers at the moment." "What happened? What are his injuries?" "I'm not quite sure as he isn't really talking yet. Apparently he was breaking apart some bullying of a younger boy by some older ones near the bus stop. One of them pushed him into the road and he fell in front of a bus. It was slowing down for the stop thankfully otherwise it might have been a lot worse. It still knocked him out briefly so someone called an ambulance. It seems he's mostly battered and bruised although his wrist might be broken. It's still swollen so it might just be a strain but we won't know until tomorrow. They're keeping him in overnight to monitor and to check for concussion. I imagine it'll be a couple of days before they let him out." "Can I visit him tomorrow? Even though it's just family?" I asked hopefully. Jane smiled, "They're moving him to a normal ward later so yes tomorrow you'll be able to see him after school. I'll get Jacob to let you know what ward he's in." The relief I felt was palpable. He wasn't going to die! I almost burst into tears again although this time with relief but I didn't want to make a scene. I was already feeling a bit embarrassed that Jane knew I'd been crying. I guess she'd just think I was an overly emotional gay teenage boy but I didn't want her to think there was something going on between us. So I just thanked Jane profusely and got her to promise to tell Jamie I'd tried to see him and would do tomorrow. Then I picked up my bag and walked to the train station. I was a bit of an emotional mess. I'd been through the wringer for a few hours. I couldn't really remember a day like it. The worry, the stress, the fear of loss. It all just showed how much my life was intertwined with Jamie. He was my soulmate, the one person I needed in the world. When I thought he might have been taken away from me the pain felt oppressive, squeezing all the light out of the world. By the time I got home I had sort of managed to pull myself together. I didn't want Mum to see how upset I was and I just apologised for staying at the hospital rather than coming home. "Oh sweetheart, you're such a gentle sweet good natured caring boy. Of course you wanted to make sure your friend was okay. Being powerless in these situations is hard. Jane messaged me to say she was touched that you'd come to check on him. I'm sure you'll see him soon." "After school tomorrow Mum, visiting is from 2pm so I'll head straight there." I really wanted to take the day off school but knew there was no way I'd be allowed to and I guess if visiting didn't start till 2pm there wasn't that much of a point. In bed that night I struggled to sleep wondering how Jamie was. I know his Mum said he would be fine but what happened if he had internal bleeding they didn't know about? My mind was still playing tricks on me and even when I eventually fell asleep my sleep was fitful. Next morning I felt a bit groggy and still unfocused. All I could think about was Jamie. Jorge and Olly were sympathetic on the walk to school, but I couldn't tell them how important he was to me. So I had to downplay my worries and fears slightly. Once I got to school , well it was a trial. I couldn't focus at all. I just wanted to see Jamie. I saw Jacob at break time who hugged me and told me the details of where Jamie was. I now had all the information I needed to go and see my boyfriend. I wanted to kiss him, hold him close, and never let him go again. However I still had the rest of the day to go through. After lunch we had PE. I didn't want to go, I wanted to go to the hospital. It was a long shot but I went to see Mr Johnson to see if he'd let me out early. "Sam, how are things?" He asked as I knocked on his door and took a seat opposite him. "Not great, Jamie is in hospital." "Ah yes I heard, you two have become good friends since you joined the PFB and the Y10 well Y11 football team now!" "Um yeah, I um....I really need to see him. Do you think I could....um..." "Spit it out Sam." "Could I skip P.E and go and see him in hospital?" "Sorry Sam, I know you don't think P.E is important and I know you're worried about your friend but I can't really let you skip it even if you want to." Should I tell him the truth? Would Jamie be angry? Fuck it, I needed to see him as soon as possible. Mr Johnson might be the one person at school who understood. "It's...Jamie is a bit more than my friend. I really need to see him." Mr Johnson looked surprised but smiled warmly at me, "Well if I read between the lines I guess that means you two are boyfriends. I am very surprised. I had no inkling Jamie was on our queer team. There are certainly boys I do think are in the closet but he wasn't one of them." "Yeah well he's B rather than G. And I um...I'm the only boy he's ever fancied," I said blushing slightly. . "Lucky you! Well you two make a delightful couple and that's really made my day. I shouldn't let you but yes as a result you can skip P.E. I'll just say I saw you and you were feeling under the weather so I sent you home." "Thank you sir! Thank you so much!" Mr Johnson beamed at me, "Who am I to stand in the way of young love? Now go and see your boyfriend and give him a big kiss!" I ran out of school, straight to the train station and just caught the train to Denmark Hill. Of course once I got to the hospital I realised I was actually 15 minutes early and visiting hours hadn't started yet! So I patiently sat on a chair to wait. Well I say patiently, I watched the clock slowly tick towards 2pm and it felt like torture. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Time seemed to have slowed down. Every time I looked the clock had barely moved. This was turning out to be the longest fifteen minutes of my life. Then finally it was 2pm. I headed to the ward with the details Jacob had given me. Told the person on reception who I was here to see and they directed me to the right place. I walked quickly, my heart beating a million miles an hour as I was finally going to see Jamie. Then I was there! I saw him in a bed in the corner of the room and suddenly everything felt right with the world again.