This is all fantasy fiction. None of the events are real.
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I appreciate all the emails, suggestions, offers, and support that I get and for those who haven't emailed yet and are waiting or don't feel comfortable or safe emailing let me, let me express my gratitude for reading my story and tell you a little bit about my story. I've been reading nifty for many years about two months ago I just decided to start emailing people and let them know how much I appreciate their stories. I got replies almost instantly. The responses were supportive, encouraging, and some even held spoilers. I struck up a friendship with Andrew and it grew with my confidence and now Andrew is my most trusted editor. I cannot do this without him. Other authors like Lucas and Eric Murphy offer advice and support with my stories and it means the world to me. So, take a leap email an author and tell them how you feel, did you like the story did you not like it, all opinions matter to the author. Do you have suggestions on where you think the story could go, all suggestions interest the author. So take that leap and email your favorite author, you can change his day for the better, and might even influence or change the story. Thank you to all those that were supportive to me and I can't wait to show you the rest of... Counting.
This story and my other work can be found on AO3 at the following link. Tux Edwards - Archive of Our Own
Andrew Thomas and I are trying something new. We have co-written two characters. This chapter introduces Beau and Colt to Counting, however, they originally show up in Boys of Grizzly Valley 3 - Go Bag Find it here
They then show up in Andrew's Trust, chapter 6 for a few chapters. Feel free to read about them here They will be regulars here in Counting.
This morning, I spilled what little milk I left in my bowl when I got up from my stool. Then on the bus, I took off my pack, and Zack saw that my shirt was on inside out, sigh. So, I had to strip down to my bare chest in front of everyone. It was so embarrassing; the whole bus was whistling, whooping, hollering, and laughing at what I looked like. I'm sure it'll scar me for the rest of my life. Zack told me that I shouldn't be embarrassed, that I looked amazing bare-chested, and to play along, so I did a Hulk Hogan pose, but something deep inside me was screaming to cover my little nipples. More laughing ensued, but this time, I was laughing too. It did help with the embarrassment, but standing in front of fifty-three kids completely naked from the waist up on the bus is not my idea of a good morning.
I lost a three-hundred-word report for Advanced English on some dumb book that I hated. I found it later that day in my art book, don't ask. I ran back to class to hand it in, and she accepted it but dropped the grade because it was late. That's the first grade that isn't an A in that class, mom is going to be pissed. By the time I got on the bus, which almost left without me, I just collapsed in my seat and cried. Laughing and some teasing went on around me and probably about me, but after everything that went wrong with this day, I just didn't care anymore, and I cried harder.
I could feel the eyes of the Lunch Table Boys on me, but when I look, they aren't looking at me; their judgmental gazes are on Zack. He notices them too, because he removes his arm from around my shoulders and asks me to stop crying. The more I tried to stop, the worse I felt, so I just hid my face with the hood on my sweater, and he just ignored me. I've never felt so alone sitting next to the boy I love.
When I got off the bus, I didn't wait for Zack; I ran all the way down the driveway, with one stop for an inhaler break. I burst through the front door, startling my mom on the couch, and dropped my coat and bag on the floor.
Heading upstairs, I hear, "AJ, coat!"
I stop with one of my feet on the first stair step. "Mommmmmm," I whine and turn back to get my coat. There is no use arguing with her. I just want to get upstairs and cry in my bed.
"AJ, take care of your coat by yourself. I shouldn't have to tell you, and you definitely shouldn't leave it for Zack to do." She takes a drink from her coffee and continues, "Now head to your room and change into your rodeo gear. Hoss is waiting in the pasture for you." When I hear that, my shoulders slump after I hang up my coat and drag my backpack up the stairs.
Sometime later, I walk down the stairs, mumbling to myself, "...twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five." Mom is still on the couch, looking at some wedding planning books, and I can see her eyeing me out of the corner of her eye. She gives me a little smile and a nod to let me know she appreciates me walking down the stairs. I head out of the house and see Hoss and Dad talking by the horse barn. The farm truck has the horse trailer attached to it, and the back doors are open.
"Hey little cowboy," my dad calls to me. I rush over to him, and he picks me up, holding me at eye level. "I have a surprise for you today. Today we find out how much `cowboy' you have in you."
What a strange thing to say! I hug him tight, and he returns my hug. "Dad, I've had the worst day."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Well, you're really going to like this," he says and sets me down on the ground, adding, "Now, go get your tack, and I'll help you with your saddle."
The three of us talk about my shitty day and grab all my horse stuff, packing it safely away in the trailer. After that, I hook the lead onto Stepper's harness and bring him into the trailer. Then dad heads to the house to talk to mom, and Hoss and I get in the pickup and buckle up.
"I'm sorry you had a terrible day, AJ. The rodeo is this coming weekend, and a friend of mine from the Hossenger Dude Ranch in Grizzly Valley is here getting his little boy some practice with the calves. I just thought it would be nice for you to watch him and try it out yourself. What d'ya say?"
(For the background of Hossenger's Dude Ranch and the Beau and Colt, please look into Boys of Grizzly Valley/Chapter 3, titled: Go Bag and Andrew's Trust Chapters 6, 7, & 8. Thank you.)
I can feel my face light up as the dread of today's events melts away, "Yeah, Hoss, that sounds awesome! I get to practice too, right?"
"That's why we're bringing Stepper. You're going to be great, AJ."
Hoss pulls the pickup truck around the front of the house, and dad comes out the front door with Zeke and Zack. While dad gets in next to me, I turn in my seat, wrenching my neck, to watch the twins hop in the truck bed and sit down. "I didn't know Zack was coming," I say to no one in particular.
Dad answers me all the same, "Is there a problem? Are you two fighting?"
I turn around as Zack's unhappy eyes lock onto mine. In those few seconds, a world of emotions is transferred between us until he turns away. I can feel something is wrong, but I don't understand what. Lately, I just feel like something between us is slipping away, and no matter how hard I try to please him or make him happy, Zack is just sad. But this is Zack's and my problem, so I lie, "No, we're good."
As AJ heads out of the house
That's odd; AJ is out here alone. After getting Stepper and all his tack in the horse trailer, I tell Hoss, "Hey Hoss, drive around the front; I've got to let Alice know we're leaving." AJ is over the moon knowing that he gets to rope real calves. Heading into the house, Alice is breaking up another twin argument.
"Why are you treating him like this?!"
"You don't understand, how could you? You're just an insensitive asshole!"
The look on Alice's face is one of worry and confusion. "That's enough out of you two!" I shout over the argument. Both twins become quiet and look away from each other in perfect sync. I wait for seconds before temptation gets too much and their eyes slowly travel to mine. "Okay, I don't even care who started it. I better never hear you cuss in front of Alice again, you understand?"
The twin's eyes meet for the slimmest of moments and then acknowledge at the same time, "Yes, sir."
"Now get upstairs, get in horse clothes, and hurry up; Hoss and AJ are waiting."
The twins head up the stairs and into their respective rooms. Looking at Alice, I ask, "What was that all about?"
"I could hear them as they walked up the porch stairs," she says, throwing up her arms. By the time they got inside, I thought they were going to begin throwing punches, so I got between them." She says, walking back to the couch, adding, "...all I can tell you is one is upset with AJ, and the other one doesn't like how the first one is handling it. And you'll never believe who is who."
Hoss pulls the pickup into drive, and my excitement can barely contain itself. "Can I unbuckle? I can't see!" Dad undoes my seat belt and slides me onto his lap. He begins to point out the different buildings, and then, as Hoss pulls the pickup to a stop, dad starts tickling me. I giggle and squirm in his lap until he opens the door. I slip out, with Dad getting out next.
The twins hop out and look around until they see some friends of ours over by the North Grandstand. They begin to head that way, and Zeke turns and says, "Hey dad, we're going to hang out with the guys."
Dad waves to the twins, "Stay near boys, and out of trouble."
The twins hurry off, and I begin to follow, when dad grabs me from behind, lifts me over his head, and sits me on his shoulders. "Awe, dad, I want to go hang out with the twins."
"Let the boys go hang out with kids their own age; besides, you've got work to do," dad says as he shakes my legs a little.
A real skinny man hurries up to us, calling out to us, "Stall your horses, sir?"
The keys to the trailer fly over the truck, and the man catches them. Hoss says, "We'll be at the arena." Dad and Hoss head away from the truck, and I turn to watch the man get Stepper out of the trailer.
"Does he know Stepper likes a sugar cube after he's in his stall? He's not going to hang my tack too high, is he?" I'm not sure why we're trusting this guy with Stepper.
Dad gives my feet a little shake and says, "He'll be fine. It's that guy's job to take real good care of him. You'll be riding him real soon enough."
Once we get through the gate, Hoss announces, "There he is, the kid I was telling you about." I look up as a brown horse streaks by, and on his back is a kid only a little bigger than me. He hunches close to the horse, and over his head, he swirls his lasso. He's chasing a light brown calf that is frantically trying to outrace him.
Dad pats my leg and says, "See that AJ, see how he keeps his center of gravity low and close to the horse as he sets for his lasso throw. His name is Beau Knight, and you two are very similar in many ways. I think you two will be very good friends. Beau is a die-hard rodeo kid, and you can learn a lot by just watching him."
Watching him, I couldn't take my eyes off him. His golden short hair is hidden beneath his black flat cowboy hat. It's darker than blonde but not quite brown. When the sun hits it just right, it appears to have white strands flowing through it. He's cute, really cute. The look in his determined eyes is one of pure concentration and focus. Soon, dad has to pat my leg asking me if I'm okay. I manage to respond weakly that I'm okay and swallow hard when Beau's left leg swings over his horse and he slides down to the ground. His perky butt is on full display in his tight jeans as he bends over and flips the calf to tie his feet.
"Oh, wow," I let out under my breath, and I suddenly realized that... I felt warm, fuzzy, and giggly.
"Yup, pretty cool, huh? I'm hoping to have you and the twins calf-tying by the end of the season," Hoss instructs, completely missing the reason for my speechlessness.
"Beau, come over here!" Dad yells. Beau looks around and takes off his cowboy hat, wipes his forehead with his sleeve, then turns to see who is shouting at him. Replacing his hat, he quickly unties his calf and gathers his lasso while the calf spins his body around to get his feet down, then scurries off. He jumps into the stirrups, slides on his saddle, and then heads our way.
Dad lifts me off his shoulders and sets me down on the ground in front of him. "AJ, introduce yourself to Beau. Hoss and I will go get Stepper ready," dad says as he fixes my hat.
"Wait! What? What am I supposed to say?"
Dad turns around and walks backward, saying, "Start with `hi.' I'm sure you two will get along. I'll be right here in this barn; just stay there."
I watch Dad, who is giving me a supportive thumbs up, and Hoss walk away towards the stalls. I'm left alone, in the middle of the arena, and with no idea how to make friends. What should I say?
Should I run to dad?
Should I go get Zack?
If I talk to him, will he like me?
If I talk to him, will I get that funny feeling again?
Will he laugh at me?
The sound of horse hooves sliding on well-packed dirt to a stop scares me, as does the stomp of boots in the same dirt from the kid getting off his horse.
"Hi, Pop says you're a friend of Mr. Colter; I'm Beau."
I freeze. What am I supposed to do? Say 'hi' and introduce yourself. I can do this. Spinning on my heels, I face Beau, swallow hard, and say, "Hi, I'm AJ Docker; my favorite color is green; I like Lego; Pokémon cards; horses; playing the piano; and I think you're cute."
Wait! What was that last part?!
At first, his face looks confused, and then little by little, I see his face break into laughter. My face feels all hot, and I'm sure it's rosy red. I let out a couple of uncomfortable laughs and pull my cowboy hat over my face. That feeling is back, and I feel all soft inside and hot. What's wrong with me? I'm sweating like crazy. I stare into his deep steel-grey eyes, and my dick begins to stir in my briefs. If it keeps growing, I'm going to be very hard and uncomfortable in these jeans. So, I turn to walk away, sure that I just made a complete fool of myself and that the embarrassment will be more than I can bear. Beau grabs my shoulder and says, "I like Pokémon cards too."
I turn slowly and lift my hat a little so I can see his face. He's gorgeous, and he's bending down to look underneath my hat. "My boyfriend Zack doesn't like Pokémon cards, so I don't get to play much or at all."
Beau gives me a winning smile and fixes my hat. The funny feeling is so strong at this point that I can't breathe or think. He pats my back and leaves his arm around my shoulder as he motions for me to move. He asks me, "Want to see my trailer? I've been living in it for a week. Pop says it's starting to smell, but I don't even notice it anymore."
"Shouldn't we wait here?" I ask. I am not sure what to do.
"Nah, we'll be back before they get here with your horse. We'll just grab the cards and run back here."
"Hey dad, we're going to hang out with the guys," I hear my brother holler behind me. I don't turn around though, I'm hoping the guys are coming, I texted them on the way here.
"Stay near, boys, and out of trouble."
I walk away from AJ as fast as I can, and Zeke catches back up with me as I head to the meeting place I texted the guys about. "Is he coming?" I ask when he's within earshot.
"No, dad grabbed AJ and put him on his shoulders, so he won't be sneaking off to find us," Zeke says and then taps my shoulder with his hand. "Hey, you know you can talk to me."
I slightly shake my head from side to side and tell him, "I can't. It's just something I have to figure out myself. I'm not even sure if I can put it into words."
"Well, I'm here for you."
I punch his shoulder and diffuse the situation by saying, "You softy." He blushes a little and looks very uncomfortable, then punches me back.
"There you two are. You guys are so cute," Alex sarcastically says with kissy noises.
"Hey, Alex, how'd you get here so fast," my brother and I say at the same time while we rush up to him. Zeke puts Alex in a headlock, and I lightly punch him in his stomach. Alex is laughing so hard that he can barely breathe. Alex spins out of the headlock and flips his long bangs out of his eyes.
He picks up his cowboy hat from the dirt and swats the back of my head. "Fools, I've been here. My uncle and cousins from Grizzly Valley are here for the rodeo, so I'm staying with them for the weekend. Come on, I'll introduce you guys."
The three of us run through the stalls dodging horses, cowboys, and sheep. Don't ask. In the back, behind some hay bales, is a ladder that goes through the roof. Three teenagers are climbing the ladder. "Hurry, Alex, before someone sees you, man," says the oldest boy, maybe sixteen.
Then the youngest, maybe thirteen, repeats it, "...before someone sees you."
Alex pushes the younger one out of the way as the middle boy rushes up the ladder. "Shut the fuck up, Repeat," and he motions us up the ladder. Getting to the top, the older boy helps me up, and together we help Zeke and Alex up. Alex, Zeke, and I grab a seat while the brothers help the youngest up.
"The older one is Pete, then Joel, and the little one we call Repeat. Guys this is Zeke," he says, pointing at my brother, then at me, "...and this one is Zack."
"No, I'm Zeke," I say, trying to stifle the laugh I'm building.
Zeke looks at me and asks, "Wait, are you sure? I thought we agreed that I was Zeke today?"
Alex looks embarrassed and cusses, "Awe shit, they can't even tell each other apart." We all start laughing, and we introduce ourselves, letting Alex off the hook.
Pete pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and offers one to us. Zeke and I exchange looks and decline the offer at the same time: "No thanks, our dad would kill us."
He passes cancer sticks to his brothers, and even Alex takes one. I watch them light up, and Repeat sighs and says, "Man, I could use a beer."
Pete flicks Repeat's ear, and he starts coughing. "Damn boy, don't choke to death!" His older brother teases him.
I'm not sure how long we are up there, but after a really good time with new friends, Alex sticks his foot in his mouth. "See," he starts, "...you can't have this type of fun with AJ hanging on your shirt tails."
"Who's AJ, your little brother?" Asks Joel.
"No," laughs Alex, "AJ's his boyfriend."
I'm so embarrassed I can barely breathe. Why am I so embarrassed?
Alex's cousins look uncomfortable, but Pete speaks up, attempting to be nice, "Why don't you go get him? He can join us." My eyes shift to Joel and Repeat, and they are holding in laughter and beginning to exchange jokes back and forth in hushed whispers.
Alex disagrees with Pete, saying, "AJ can't join us, he's nine!"
Zeke stands in between Alex and me and stares him down. The cousins look confused and disgusted as Pete confirms, "You mean... nine-years-old?"
"...nine years old?" Repeat asks with a gaping mouth.
This all has turned very uncomfortable, and I know that I'm not welcome up here anymore, so I head back to the ground. Standing down below, waiting for Zeke to get off the ladder, I hear Joel ask, "So, is the faggot fucking a nine-year-old?" He and Repeat begin laughing, and Pete gets after them to quiet down.
The last thing I hear as we walk away is Repeat saying, "...fucking a nine-year-old!"
Once we get out of the barn, Zeke keeps bugging me to talk to him, and I'm about to turn around and kick his ass when Hoss runs up to us and asks, "Is AJ with you?" We tell him no, and he asks again, "Where have you guys been? Your dad is pissed he couldn't find you."
Great Dad is pissed, AJ is missing, and I'm pretty sure I'm kicking Alex's ass the next time I see him. It's turning out to be a shitty day.
The camper is white with a red stripe down the middle. Inside, it has a small kitchen, a table, and plenty of seating, and in the back are two sets of bunk beds. There are random clothes here and there, including what I'm guessing are Beau's white briefs just under the messy bed behind him. Man, I'd love to smell those. Oh my god, why do I want to smell those? Is that weird? I'm totally being a weirdo. What is happening to me? I can't seem to keep my eyes from shifting to them.
Beau pulls the box off the top bunk, and the lid opens, dropping cards all over the floor. "Oh, shit! Help me with this, will ya?"
I rush to pick up the cards and see a card I've been wanting for a while. Beau sees my face and how I'm staring at the card and asks if I want it. I look at him, then at the card, and ask, "Really?"
"Sure, I have a couple of those, but you need a few more cards to get that one to max power. Sit down, and I'll show you." He hand-shifts through the mess of cards and tosses cards at me when he finds them. "You need this and this and, oh yeah, this to activate it. Let's play a quick hand, and I'll show you how it works."
Unsure how much longer we have, I ask, "Are you sure we have enough time?"
"Sure, we do. We'll run back and beat them, sure thing."
Soon we are sitting between the two bunk beds with Pokémon cards spread out on the floor before us. After a couple of games of Beau beating my ass in Pokémon, he asks, "So, you said you had a boyfriend?"
Did I? I blush and softly answer from behind my hands of cards, "Umm, yeah, is that okay? I could leave?"
"Sure, it's okay. Don't leave. I'm straight, and I like girls and everything, but I have no problem with the gays."
"...the gays?" I'm not sure if I liked how he put that. I never considered myself `a gay,' before. I guess that's what I am.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to offend you. I guess I'm nervous. Your green eyes are amazing. It's like they're lit up behind your glasses."
"Thanks, and I'm not insulted," I lied. "I guess I've never thought about being gay or if I am even gay. Do you think I act gay?"
Beau shrugs his shoulders as he plays a transformation card: "Do you, umm, take dick up the butt?"
"What? Umm, yeah, I guess I do," I say, hiding my blushing face behind my cards again. My eyes change focus to my hands, and they're shaking. Oh no, not now; please, not now.
I hear him think it out: "Hmmm, that might not be a fair way to judge if you're gay; I mean, I've taken it up the butt before." I lower my cards showing the shock on my face. His grey, steel-colored eyes watch me as if he is waiting for me to break out in laughter, but I don't. After a few seconds of silence, he adds, "But I'm straight; I didn't like it."
"Okay," I say, nodding my head and watching his expression.
"I've sucked dick too, but only cuz I had to."
"Had to? Were... were you raped?" I'm not sure I like this open approach to making friends, but as long as it's not me telling him about my life, I'll participate.
"No, well, yes, but that's not why. I was taking it up my ass and sucking dick for about a year before I was raped."
"What? Why? I thought straight guys didn't do that."
"For money! Dude, I made so much money letting rodeo cowboys play with me. Being on the road alone as long as they are, they pay top dollar for a willing boy, and at the time I needed the money." He looks at my cards while I sit dumbfounded. He takes a card, sets it down, and then adds enough power cards to activate one of the Pokémon transformations.
"Did you like it?" I'm not sure why I asked that; it just slipped out.
Beau takes a card from the deck, sets down two, taps one, adds a counter to it, and says, "Some of it sure; who wouldn't like their willie sucked? To be honest, even the butt stuff was nice once in a while, but that's not my fault," he says defensively. "There is a spot inside your butt that would make the most butch man squeal like a little boy, but you know that."
I'm beginning to get lightheaded, and a speechless nod is the best I can do. It must be giving him an uneasy feeling because he just stares at me crossly till I come out of it. "Oh, sorry. I just never thought about doing it--sex--for money. Yeah, I guess that spot does feel good."
His look changes, like he wants to ask me something but isn't sure how. After everything he's talked about so far, I'm unsure what could be harder to say. "So, how do you know you're gay? I mean, do you like-like some girls or like-like... just boys?"
"Well, I suppose I..." I stammer, and suddenly, without warning, the door opens, and an older, fat man with a long white beard looks in. His eyes connect with mine, and he breathes a sigh of relief.
Beau leans forward, saying, "Oh, hey, Pop."
The old fat man steps into the trailer and says, "Let me guess, your name is AJ," and I return his look with a slight nod.
Less than five minutes later, I and Beau are sitting outside the trailer in white, cheap lawn chairs. Beau has already taken a ribbing from his pop about leaving his horse tied up to the fence and not telling anyone where he went. When Dad gets here, I'm sure I'll get worse.
"AJ!" Dad yells as soon as he enters Beau's trailer's driveway. My heart just about jumps out of my chest, and I feel myself blacking out. The next thing I know, Dad is grabbing me by the arm and lifting me out of the chair. He kneels down and hugs me tightly, asking, "Young man, you had me terrified! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Umm, I s..sup..suppose...," I struggle to speak, cradling my head in my free hand as the blackout's headache nearly knocks me out. I think I'm in trouble.
"The Universe is Made of Stories, Not of Atoms" -Muriel Rukeyser
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Edited by Andrew Thomas