This is all fantasy fiction. None of the events are real.
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I appreciate all the emails, suggestions, offers, and support that I get and for those who haven't emailed yet and are waiting or don't feel comfortable or safe emailing let me, let me express my gratitude for reading my story and tell you a little bit about my story. I've been reading nifty for many years about two months ago I just decided to start emailing people and let them know how much I appreciate their stories. I got replies almost instantly. The responses were supportive, encouraging, and some even held spoilers. I struck up a friendship with Andrew and it grew with my confidence and now Andrew is my most trusted editor. I cannot do this without him. Other authors like Lucas and Eric Murphy offer advice and support with my stories and it means the world to me. So, take a leap email an author and tell them how you feel, did you like the story did you not like it, all opinions matter to the author. Do you have suggestions on where you think the story could go, all suggestions interest the author. So take that leap and email your favorite author, you can change his day for the better, and might even influence or change the story. Thank you to all those that were supportive to me and I can't wait to show you the rest of... Counting.
This story and my other work can be found on AO3 at the following link. Tux Edwards - Archive of Our Own
Andrew Thomas and I are trying something new. We have co-written two characters. This chapter introduces Beau and Colt to Counting, however, they originally show up in Boys of Grizzly Valley 3 - Go Bag Find it here
They then show up in Andrew's Trust, chapter 6 for a few chapters. Feel free to read about them here They will be regulars here in Counting.
Opening night at the rodeo is amazing, and if it wasn't for the nap I took curled up in Zack's lap, I never could have stayed awake for the whole thing. To be honest, I built that Lego replica of our house so I could completely destroy it when Zack and I talked. I'm not an idiot, I knew something was wrong with us. He's been acting funny for a month. I tried to make him happy but quickly noticed that it wasn't me, it was him. Of course, knowing this and being prepared for the breakup are two different things. When he said he didn't want to be my boyfriend, my heart broke, and I didn't think I could face him. Then he held me till I cried myself to sleep. We talked some more after I woke up as he dressed me for tonight.
We talked about me being very special to him, and he really does think this is the best thing for us both, blah, blah, blah... Zack sounds more and more like an adult every day. I zoned out somewhere during his rant and, for some reason, I thought of Beau. His brownish hair, which the California sun has bleached into an almost tri-color look, and his steely eyes almost seem to smile along with his perfect lips. Those soft, perfect lips--I wonder what it would be like to kiss him. Sure, I've kissed Zack plenty of times, but, Beau, I bet he's a great kisser.
"Hey little cowboy," Dad says, bringing me out of my thought tangent. "You ready for this?"
Dad's question reminds me that I'm sitting on Stepper and am about to ride out in front of everyone to make a fool out of myself. "I think so," I answer back unsure, trying to get my thoughts of Beau out of my mind so I could concentrate. "It's just that there are a lot of people out there."
Dad smiles reassuringly and pats my leg. "You're going to be great; just remember, Stepper is with you, and he'll listen to you. You have to be brave for him to get through this too. He's just a little kid like you; together you two will get through this."
I gave a brave nod, not totally believing it myself, but for Stepper, I'll put on a good show. I lean down and pet Stepper's neck and say in a shaky voice, "Good boy Stepper, we've got this."
There are thirty kids lined up in a row, on horseback, waiting for their names to be called. Their one parent that is allowed to be with them for support hangs on to their every word. Some of the horses are nervous, prancing around and breaking the line, but they are calmed down and brought back.
"Okay you're coming up soon," Dad says. "Remember, just like we practiced."
I had just enough time to nod, and I heard the announcer man over the PA shout, "A newcomer to our rodeo... nine-year-old, AJ Colter!"
Dad looks shocked and acts like he wants to say something, but I flash him a blushing smile and say, "I like the sound of it. I hope it's okay." Then, I give Stepper a, yip yip, and he jets off into the arena. It's dark in the staging area, and outside, it's almost eight o'clock. At first, the sudden change in the lights almost blinds me. The whole arena is lit up with enormous stadium lights, and the crowd is almost deafening. I ride Stepper around the arena and focus on my movements, ignoring the crowd. Once I make my way to the full circle, I go to the center while the announcer shouts, "...AJ and his horse Stepper are representing the Docker Estate. He plays the piano, is a straight `A' student, and loves to play chess."
I get Stepper to the center and spin him around three times in the tightest circle I can, then back the other way three times. The cheers get louder, and I pull back in the reins, giving Stepper the command to stand on his hind legs, and then I take off my hat, holding it up high. Even the announcer was impressed, saying, "...wow this little cowboy is ready to go!" Then Stepper lands, and with a `yip yip', he takes off once again towards the staging area.
Dad is waiting for me, and Stepper runs right to him. I slide off the saddle, and dad catches me and wraps me in a hug. "See, I told you, you could do it." He pats my bottom and says, "I'm so proud of you; you two were great!"
"Thanks, dad," I tell him and hand him Stepper's reins. Beau is soon to be called, but he breaks the line to come to tell me he thought I looked great out there. He leans off his horse and gives me a fist bump. He says something else, and dad replies, but I can't concentrate. It's kind of hard to breathe, and my heart rate is going crazy. Beau's name is called, bringing me out of my funk. I stammer, "...luck, have luck; I mean good luck. Good luck, Beau." He gives me a wink and rides off.
Dad shakes me and asks, "What was that?"
I slide down his leg and take his hand. "What was what?" I blushingly answer his question with one of my own as I pull my cowboy hat over my face.
"When are you ever tongue-tied?"
"I'm not," I say, horrified that others can see I'm attracted to Beau.
Dad swings my hand wildly and sings, "I think you're smitten with Beau." I'm so embarrassed, but thoughts of being with Beau flicker at the edge of my mind.
We put Stepper in his stall, and I hop up on my crate so I can brush him. Dad is messing with my saddle when I ask, "Do you think it's okay?"
"Okay for what?" He asks back, not really paying attention to me.
"That I'm, um, mitten with Beau?"
He stops and looks at me like I just asked him the meaning of life. I'm starting to get a little worried when he smiles and says, "Smitten," he corrects me. "It means that you're strongly attracted to him." He chuckles at my confusion and says, "You think he's cute and I think it's great, but what about Zack?"
Suddenly I felt bad again. "He dumped me," I whisper as I tap Stepper's brush on his belly. "He said he's still my brother, but we can't be boyfriends anymore."
Dad's eyebrows go up, and he says, "Oh, I thought the truck ride over here was quiet. Well, I think you and Beau should get together; maybe see if you can spend the night."
"Really? That'd be great!" And I rush to hug him, almost knocking him over in the process.
"Okay, okay, we have to ask Mr. Hossenger, but you're not grounded here at the rodeo, so there is no reason why not."
"Thanks, dad, I can't wait to ask him."
"They should be back very soon, and we can ask Mr. Hossenger," Dad continues, "Now finish Stepper's brush'in; he deserves it." He aims me back at the crate and pats my little butt.
Five, ten, fifteen minutes pass, but to me, it feels like hours. Sitting on my wooden crate and fidgeting with the end of my lasso, I watch dad help the twins with their horses and tack. The twins should have been introduced well after Beau, being that it's done by age, I wonder where he is.
"What's wrong with him?" I ask my dad, motioning towards AJ.
"You mean besides that you dumped him?" Zeke whispers, offering his two cents, but it comes off more like the opinion of an idiot.
"Shut up," I tell him, "No one asked you."
"Come on, boys, not here. You two need to finish your horses," Dad says, interrupting our argument. He lowers his voice and centers his gaze on me. "...since you're not boyfriends, no more sex or sexual stuff with AJ. You're hurting him. I know you don't mean to, but you are. I took a shower with him last night and saw it for myself after he admitted it to me."
"Shit, I knew he was lying about it hurting! I swear, Dad, more than half the time he does it even though I say no."
"Well, he thinks that's why you're breaking up with him. He thinks he can make up for it and win you back, so he doubled his efforts. So, no matter what he does or begs, no more `back door' or oral, it's best you stop everything. AJ isn't growing; remember, his body is still very young. Don't make me have this talk with you again," Dad says in the most serious tone I've ever heard from him.
No sex with AJ is the direction I was heading in anyway. I just can't say no to those emerald eyes, but having Dad decide for me, makes me feel a little better. "Okay, no more sex with AJ. I promise."
Then he looks over the stall wall at AJ totally willing to change the uncomfortable subject and answers my first question, "AJ is waiting for a friend. He's just nervous, that's all. He's fine."
"A friend, huh?" I ask no one in particular. My imagination begins to wander, and I watch him through the slats of the stall. He looks so cute and small sitting on his crate. Then his face lights up, and he bolts from his seat and hurries to a couple of stalls down. Dad is already on his way down there, and Zeke and I hop up on the stall wall to watch the show.
The boy that AJ ran off with and got into all this trouble, comes into the barn riding a horse being led by Mr. Hossenger from Grizzly Valley. He has a smaller boy, about two years younger, I would guess, riding in front of him. The little boy looks happy holding onto the saddle horn. The older boy hands the little one to Mr. Hossenger, then slides off the saddle. He hurries over to AJ with the little one on his heels, and the older boy and AJ share a fist bump. The funny thing is, the younger boy and AJ are about the same height and build. AJ is real nervous, and I can almost see him shaking. If the boy notices, he doesn't seem to care. He just keeps talking about the people, the lights, and the roar of the crowd while Mr. Hossenger puts his horse in the stall.
"Jealous much," Zeke says over my shoulder.
"No... why would I be?" I ask, not sure how I feel.
Zeke shrugs and says, "Maybe. You definitely don't like it. You know who that is, don't you? That's Cowboy... his real name is... Beau, I think. The little rodeo boy prostitute."
My eyes widen as I recall seeing him at a rodeo a few years ago. Zeke and I were playing hide and seek with a couple of kids our age, and we went to hide in this dark area behind a stall that no one uses, and back there we saw Beau and a cowboy completely naked. The man was pulling his long, thick cock out of the boy's butt. Beau was just moaning like crazy. Cum was dripping from the man's cock, and he roughly turned him around and jammed it in Beau's mouth. The small boy sucked and licked it clean, and only then was he allowed to stand. The boy stood there before the cowboy and let him feel him all over, and then the cowboy jammed his fingers into the boy's butthole, making him stand up on his toes and scream out in pain. I bolted up to run and help, but Zeke held me back.
Beau's face whined in pain and contorted from the discomfort of the adult's fingers rooting around in his ass. Then, after he was satisfied that he had hurt the boy, he pulled them out and smelled them. The boy pinches his butt cheeks tightly together to protect himself from further insertion. The man stands up, and with one hand on the back of the boy's head, he pushes his cummy, shit-covered, and blood-soaked fingers into Beau's mouth. The boy chokes, gags, and fights him, but he's no match for the full-grown cowboy. When his fingers were clean, the man simply released the boy, grabbed his jeans, and left him crying and lying on the ground.
"Here you go, cowboy," the man said as he tossed a roll of money about as thick as his cock. "You best get cleaned up for your next fuck."
"Thank you, Mr. Dallas. You fucked me real good. It felt so good," said the shaky boy, choking on his own words.
"See you in the next city, Cowboy."
When the boy started to wipe the cum and blood from his hole off, the light shifted, and in the corner, we saw a smaller boy sitting in the corner with a headset on.
I push that memory out of my head, whispering, "Oh, no." My leg swings over, and I land on the other side of the stall. I pat Zeke's leg, asking him to follow my lead with an unspoken gesture.
I hear Zeke's boots hit the concrete floor as I walk toward AJ and Beau. AJ is trying to ask Beau a question and is so nervous that he is having an asthma attack. Beau is going on and on about his entrance into the arena. His words seem to trail off when we approach. His eyes curiously moved back and forth between my brother and me. It's a common reaction from people who see us for the first time. "Oh cool, you're twins," he says as if no one else can see us.
AJ jumps a little and turns around, seeing us. He pulls out his inhaler and takes a puff.
"We hear you're a cowboy," says Zeke as he puts his hand on AJ's shoulder and moves him behind us.
Beau kind of smiles as he's feeling the hostility coming from us, making his voice a little shaky when he asks, "Well, that's... that's why we're all here, isn't it?"
I gave him a fake smile and really hit him hard by responding, "We heard; you're even called `Cowboy'."
Beau's eyes go wide, and he begins to frantically search for escape routes. I turn and look at dad talking to old man Hossenger. They're just out of earshot, and dad's eyes are watching AJ like a hawk.
Zeke lays a hand on Beau's shoulder and whispers next to his ear so AJ can't hear him, "Our brother isn't into fucking men, and we don't want him around that kind of stuff or people who are into it, understand?"
I watch Beau's face freeze as Zeke is talking. Other than a little quiver in his eyes and bottom lip, he's motionless. Hell, I half-expected him to pee his pants, he might have, but we'll never know because he turns and hightails it out of the barn with AJ behind him.
Zeke and I bump fists and quietly congratulate ourselves on a successful intimidation job. When dad asks, "AJ, where are you going?"
We look up to see AJ stopping at the barn door, watching Beau run towards the camper lot. Mr. Hossenger excuses himself, saying, "That damn kid will be the death of me. I'm sorry, Jack; we'll finish catching up later tonight. Come by the trailer, and we'll tie off the night right." Mr. Hossenger shakes dad's hand, picks up the little boy, and heads off after Beau.
Dad goes back and works on my tack while keeping an eye on AJ.
"What did you say to my friend?"
"Look, AJ," Zeke stands forward and puts his arm around our little bro. "Beau's just not the kind of friend you want."
Seeing AJ this upset kind of has me feeling uneasy about what we did. "Beau is... I'm not sure how to put this, AJ. He has sex with... men for money."
AJ knocks off Zeke's arm and yells, "I know all about that! But he doesn't do that anymore!" He turns to run after Beau, I'm guessing, and dad calls out his name once again, bringing him to a sliding stop. He looks so mad and frustrated when he turns and pushes past us into Dad's arms.
"Oh, what's wrong, AJ? Don't be so upset; just ask if you can go with Beau," dad says as he rubs AJ's back, comforting him. He's totally missing why AJ is so upset, and before he figures it out, maybe my brother and I should leave.
(For more information on Beau and his past, read Chapter 3, titled 'Go Bag,' in Boys of Grizzly Valley in Adult Youth and Andrew's Trust starting Chptr 6. Links at the top of the page.)
"We heard, you're even called `Cowboy'."
That name! My eyes go wide, and the moment steals my breath away. I haven't had a person call me that in a long time. They can't know about that, can they? That secret was well kept by my johns; how could the twins know? I begin to frantically search for escape routes, but when one of the twins steps forward and takes my shoulder with a steel grip, I know I'm in trouble. Between them, AJ stands, slightly pulling on the other twin's shirt. He softly pleads for them to stop. I try to call out for help from old man Hossenger, but I can't seem to force the words out of my dry throat.
Then the one who has my shoulder whispers next to my ear, "Our brother isn't into fucking men, and we don't want him around that kind of stuff or people who are into it, understand?"
I swallow hard, feel a little pee slip out, and pinch my knees together. I'm afraid to move. I can't pee my pants in front of AJ! So, I bolt when the twin looks away. His grip slips from my shirt, and I can hear AJ calling out to me as I run. I don't care; I can't let him see me like this! My plan is to run as fast as I can as the pee flows out and try to get to the trailer as fast as I can. That was until I ran into a man at full speed.
It is like running into a steel post. I rebound off the man and land in the dirt on my ass. I shake my head and realize my hat fell off, and so I reach for it.
"Wow, are you okay, little guy?" Asks the man. "Did you pee your pants? Damn, I'm so sorry. I thought you had seen me."
I move my hat over the growing evidence covering my crotch. I can't tell you if I am hurt or just seriously so embarrassed that I can't stop crying. The man reaches for his New York Yankees ball cap, and with the other hand, he offers to help me up, asking, "Is your little friend coming to help you? Perhaps you can call to him and bring him out here."
What! AJ is watching me! I can't let him see me! Leaping to my feet, I run off towards the camper lot, covering my pee pants with my cowboy hat.
As I run, memories of men fucking me and shoving all kinds of toys in me flash all around my mind. `Cowboy'! The men all chant, moan, and scream at me.
`Our brother isn't into fucking men.'
No! I would never let them do to AJ what they did to me! Would they rape him because he knows me?
`Our brother isn't into fucking men'
I run through the campsite, kicking over the chair I normally sit in. I pick up Colt's and smash it on the ground, yelling, "I don't do that anymore!" Slamming the door open, I scream, "You can't fuck me anymore! I don't have to take it up the ass!" The Pepsi can tower that I and Colt have been building explodes when I swing my fist through it. "You can't make me!"
Once I got AJ calmed down and figured out what the twins did, I felt I had to make an appearance at the Hossenger camper to apologize for my boys' stupidity and rudeness. Other than a brief panicked reaction to a man wearing a New York Yankee cap, AJ is a tearful mess, sniffing and doing that little boy lip quiver that they do when they try not to cry, but can't hold it back.
"Now, now, calm down. I'm sure Beau is still friends with you. As soon as we find the twins, we'll make them apologize for threatening him." I would have never guessed my boys would have done that. One day, I'm afraid they will do it with the excuse, "We were just protecting AJ."
The racket coming from the Hossenger's camper is undeniably Beau screaming. I put AJ in a folding chair outside the door and sternly tell him, "Wait here!" and I knock and enter quickly. The trailer is set up much like the one I brought here for the boys. I enter the dining area, which is a pull-out, then on the left are the kitchen, bathroom, and boy's room with bunk beds, and then to the right is the master bedroom.
Colt is sitting at the dining table scared out of his mind as Randy Hossenger is very unsuccessfully trying to hold Beau down to stop his anger fit. "Help!" he shouts, and I reach out and grab the flailing fist of the panicked boy.
"I don't do that anymore! You can't fuck me anymore! I don't have to take it up the ass!" Screams Beau as I pull him close and hug him as tightly as I can.
"Shhh, Beau. It's okay, son, let it out. I can take it," I tell him as I move him outside to minimize kicking damage to Randy's trailer. Once outside, I order the shocked and wide-eyed AJ, "Son, go keep Colt company. Go on, stay inside." He quickly gets up, not willing to take his eyes off his friend, and moves inside the trailer.
"I don't do that anymore! I don't do that anymore..." mumbles the boy as he begins to run out of adrenaline and realizes he's exhausted. Soon he's lying limply in my arms, and I turn him around and pick him up. He's not much bigger than the twins were when they were this age. Beau hugs my neck with one arm and supports his head on my shoulder with the other.
I rub his back, like I do with all my boys, and can feel his muscles begin to loosen up, putting all his weight on me.
I walk him back and forth in front of the trailer, rocking him, and it doesn't take long for him to fall asleep. The trailer door opens, and Randy steps out. He's still out of breath and no worse for the wear, but he looks like he's about to pass out himself. He waves me in, saying, "Come inside, and let's get him out of those wet pants."
I bring him inside and to the bunk beds in the back. AJ watches me intently as he holds Colt's hand. I lay him down and then realized that Beau must have peed his pants during the fit. "I'm so sorry Jack, I didn't notice he had peed his pants till you took him," Randy says while he strips Beau down to his birthday suit.
I look away and check myself for wet spots, and I see AJ craning his neck, trying to see Beau's naked form. "AJ, stop. You're being rude," I crossly whisper, and he sits back down in shame.
AJ is having problems keeping his eyes off Beau, but he's really trying not to, I can tell. "I'm sorry," he whispers.
I change my tone and assure Randy, "Don't worry about it, Randy; it's not the first time a little boy peed on me." AJ blushes, and I give him a wink. "Hey, I'm going to go get cleaned up and put AJ down for bed. I'll be right back."
"Of course, I look forward to it. Thanks again for the help," he says from the back room, then calls for Colt to bring him a wet washcloth. I take AJ's little hand, and we leave.
As we walk home, all the excitement has my little cowboy yawning. "Dad," he asks, "...will Beau be okay?"
"Yes, I believe so."
"Why was he so angry?"
"I'm not sure, AJ, but I think Beau has some demons from his past, and he has trouble dealing with the memories. You might have to ask him."
AJ is quiet while I undress him and tuck him into bed, then asks, "Dad, is it okay that I like Beau, even though he used to get paid for having sex with men?"
I sit on the bottom bunk next to my youngest and smile at him. "AJ, do you think it's good what Beau did?"
"I don't know; I think it's dangerous. To be honest, my experience with my daddy, was a lot of fun, till the end. Then it seemed like all he wanted to do was hurt me." He sits up, hugs me tight, and begins to cry. "Did those men hurt Beau?"
"I think so," I answer as I rub his back slowly. "I think Beau needs a good friend. A friend who understands what he's been through. Someone who will listen to him and share with him. Can you do that?"
AJ sniffles, I wipe the tears from his eyes, and he looks up at me. With a little nod, AJ says in his mousy voice, "I can do that."
"That's my boy. I'm very proud of you," I tell him, and I mean it with every fiber of my body. I lay him back in bed and tuck his little naked body tightly into his warm blankets. "Good night, AJ."
"Good night, dad."
I rub AJ's stomach until he is breathing deeply. I kiss his forehead one more time, and he mumbles something inaudible, "...lo...vu...da," but it makes me smile all the same.
I leave the screen door open, so if he has trouble sleeping, I will come back, but for now, I walk over to the fire pit that I and Hossenger share. "Is Beau okay?"
"Sure he will, but he'll toss and turn tonight. Colt will hold him tight enough to keep him on the bed. I left the screen door open so I'll hear him if he falls."
I chuckle and echo, "I left it open as well." Randy places two glasses on the table and pours us both some Tennessee whiskey. I take my glass and thank my host. "So. I've read the file you sent me, but I want to hear his story from your side. Tell me about Beau and why you came out of retirement. I thought you were done with fostering kids."
The fire crackles, and a log slips, falling into a more comfortable spot sending sparks between us. After emptying his glass, Randy says, "We were done. But two years ago, a class of seven-year-olds came to the ranch, and we did tours, rides, and chuck wagon food. It was a lot of fun for the kids. When it was over, they packed up and left. We didn't think much about it, and Martha and I were about to sit down for dinner when there was a faint knock at the door. Heck, we almost didn't hear it to be honest." He chuckles and pours more whiskey, then continues, "When I opened the door, there stood a little boy covered head to toe in dirt and manure. I figured he just got left behind and wanted help, but that wasn't the case. He told me he cleaned all my horse stalls and wheelbarrowed all the manure to the woods next to the garden. He was looking to get paid. I laughed out loud, and Martha invited him in to get him cleaned up and looking like a boy again."
"He was dressed in blue jeans covered with holes. I know he didn't get them from cleaning horse shit; God knows he was covered in it. His multi-colored shirt was nasty and worn. Martha jumped at the chance to help him as much as she could and immediately started to undress him, leading him to the bathroom. I heard the bath turn on and the boy hiss out loud that the water was too hot. She left him there to soak and went to look among the clothes that had been left here by our other foster kids. The only thing she had to fit him was a light blue pair of little girl panties and a shirt left here by a ten-year-old." He stops to laugh again, and I'm wondering if the story is that funny, or might it be the whiskey?
"Did he really put on the panties? My boys would rather be naked," I joked.
He leaned up to slap my knee and says with a belly laugh, "Martha, bless her heart, had convinced him that they were thin boy underwear. If they were any other color, he'd never have bought it."
We laughed for a little while, and when we stopped, he continued, "...we fed him, and I paid him for his work, a man's salary, and then we took him home, but we didn't make it there. He had us drop him off at the grocery store and waved as we drove off. But I'd never sleep again if I didn't know the boy got home safe, so we parked across the street and watched our mysterious dinner guest walk into the store, in his large t-shirt that barely covered his light blue panties. We had figured he was buying toys and candy with the money I gave him, but when he came out, he had blue jeans on and a cart full of food. We watched him push that cart in and out of back alleys and down streets till he got home. An even younger boy and a sickly woman came out to help him with his bags. So we figured it was over."
I get up from my chair to stretch and check on AJ. The twins come back to the trailer acting like teenagers, and I have to quiet them down. "Hey you two, get washed up and hit the sheets. You two have a long day tomorrow." They sneak by, saying good night to Randy and me.
Once they were inside, Randy was about to begin again when we heard a sleepy, soft voice say, "Pop..."
Standing in the doorway is Colt, wearing only his little Transformer briefs and a thin blanket not much bigger than him. His thumb is in his mouth, and it only leaves enough to say, "...I had a bawd dweam."
Randy motions him over, and he sleepily enters the fire pit area and walks straight to me. His sweet and drowsy face was too much to resist, so I pick him up and cover his semi-naked body with his baby blanket. He cuddles into my lap and, in no time, is asleep. "Shhh, you're safe now. Everything will be alright."
Randy smiles at me and gives me a nod, whispering, "Then, four days later, at just about dinner time, there was a faint rap at my front door. This went on for weeks, two or three times a week, until I noticed Beau hanging out with the rodeo boys. I knew something was wrong when I saw him come out of that cowboy's trailer counting a roll of cash, but I also knew the boy needed money." Randy wipes the tears from his eyes and shakily continues, "I just let it happen, Jack. It seemed like he was happy and safe, and when little Colt showed up tagging along, Beau was more determined than ever to make money. I thought the cowboys were being gentle. I thought they were doing just fore-playing, you know. I told myself that Beau wasn't being hurt. Soon after he turned eight, I began to notice bruising on his arms and back."
Randy pours the rest of the whiskey into his glass and drinks it all before he continues, "I couldn't tell if it was from the cowboys or his piece-a-shit stepdad. Then one night on my last walk through of the park, I heard him screaming. Begging for this guy named Dallas to stop. I can tell his pleas fell on deaf ears. So, I grabbed my shotgun, and I knocked that mother fucker out. Martha called the police, and that saved Dallas's life. I was willing to bury that child abuser next to the gardens. Beau was in bad shape. It was my fault. I had to do something--something to make up for letting Beau do what he was doing, so we took the boy and his brother until we found a good home for him. I'm so glad you got a chance to meet them."
I look into Colt's eyes and watch him suck his thumb softly. I cradle him a little tighter, and his little coos as he breathes melt my heart.
"Pop... I can't find Colt."
Beau stands in the doorway with nothing on, but his little white briefs and a prominent hard-on. It's wonderful seeing them at these ages. Beau is half asleep and probably won't even remember this. "He's just keeping me company Beau, would you like it if I put you back to bed?" I ask. He sleepily nods his head while he rubs his eye and yawns. I get up and head to the camper while Randy hides his tears. Beau offers me his hand, and I take it, leading him back to bed.
"The Universe is Made of Stories, Not of Atoms" -Muriel Rukeyser
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Edited by Andrew Thomas