Counting

Chapter 5

by Tux


This is all fantasy fiction. None of the events are real.

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Edited by Andrew Thomas

This story is an original work of fiction ©Copyright 2022 Tux - Please do not copy or post without permission.


Chapter 5 - Checkmate

AJ

"Now, AJ, I need you to listen to me really well." Alice is on her knees so that she can be eye to-eye with me. I still manage to stare at my shoes. I know what she wants and there is no way I'm talking to this doctor. "Dr. Ford is a very nice person. Honey, I spent three hours talking to her yesterday and she helped me. I can't wait to talk to her again, but now it's your turn, okay? You... we need to talk openly and freely. Let's try and not be very shy." Then she hugs me. Since the doctor is there, I return the hug... just a little, and then Alice says she'll be back later to get me.

This is such a drag. It's been such a long day after school, and all I want to do is go home and talk with Zack about my day, but no, I must come here and waste my whole evening with... what is her name again? I need time to think. Alice just left me here. I pull Maxwell up to my chest and begin to rub my fingers over the beads.

"That's a nice teddy bear," Dr. Ford tells me. I take a backstep towards the corner.

Her smile seems nice, but I'm alone... in here and who knows what she's going to do with me? I've been to hundreds of doctors. There are always shots, exams, nakedness, operations, being talked down to, things that go in your mouth, and a host of other unpleasant things that go in places I would rather forget. I take a couple more backsteps towards the corner.

"AJ, do you know how a therapist works?" She gives me the courtesy time limit to answer, in which I shake my head, `no'.

"The cool thing about a therapist is that you can tell us anything, anything at all, and I can never tell anyone else." My face squinches up, showing that I just think she lied. I take another backstep and make it to the corner. There is a really big house plant here. It's almost as tall as me and twice as wide. I work myself around it and kneel behind it, so the doctor can't see me. She just sat there and let me do this. Then she continues, "I can't tell the police, even if they tell me to, I don't have to tell other doctors or judges... or your mother."

The leaves parted just enough for me to see her. `She can't tell Alice? I wonder if she knows that?' I wonder to myself. From my soft voice, I can tell she barely heard me say, "But you will tell Alice, won't you? Isn't that why I'm here?". I'm sure the plant didn't help.

"No, I can't do that. I can't tell anyone. Can you come out? It would be nice to talk to you face-to-face."

After a while, like... five minutes or so, she gives up and I can see her stand and go behind her desk. Dr. Ford returns to her chair, but now she has a box with her. It's about the size of a shoe box, maybe bigger. She sits down and lays the box at her feet. Sitting up a little, I can see over the plant now as I inspect the box. It looks like an Amazon box. I know this because of the smile face that is on the box. I wonder what is inside.

"AJ, I think we both need a test. Why don't you tell me a super-duper secret, that you would get in trouble if your mother found out, but not too much trouble."

I wonder if it's for me. It could be shoes, a ball and mitt, Legos-that would be cool. I inch my way from behind the plant so I can get a better look at the other side, I think I see some kind of label. My eyes shift up to Dr. Ford and she's just sitting quietly reading and adding to her notes. Dragging Maxwell, I crawl on all fours and when I'm close enough, I reach out for the box. Suddenly, her foot moves the box closer to her chair. Sitting up on my butt, I watch her face. The label is just a shipping label it doesn't say what's inside. I look back at the plant, but my curiosity is killing me. It could be food, or toys, or Rubik's Cubes. Hmm, what to do?

Now that I'm within three feet of her, I give her another look. She isn't like any doctor I've ever seen before. She's not even wearing a white coat. There are no trays of instruments, no beeping machines, and there isn't even a long bed with white sheets on it. I decide I must know what's in the box. Inching up to the box, I reach for it again, but with another slide of her foot, she pulls the box closer, and it almost slides under her chair. Looking up, I see her smile. Not at me, mind you, just a smile. So I also smile. She's trying to be funny.

Taking a deep breath and letting it mostly out, I say softly, "I broke Missy's favorite hockey stick and then stuck it back together and put it in the back of all her other hockey sticks." Suddenly, I felt a wave of shame and it didn't occur to me till now, but now that I said my secret, she might not give me the box.

After a few grueling moments of self-pity and regret, she moved the box a little closer to me. "That was very brave of you, AJ. Thank you for trusting me." She leans forward and reaches for me. I cringe out of self-survival! Why did I let myself get this close? What is she going to do with me? And right when I thought it was over for me. I feel a warm hand combing through my hair. My shoulders dropped. I let my breath out that I just now noticed I was holding in. And... I might have gotten a little excited... you know, down there. Not like full on stiffy, but if she did it any longer, I'd have a problem. I quickly change my sitting position to cross-legged.

She releases my head and sits back in her chair and asks, "There was this one time, I don't think I was much older than you, and I stole a radio from a store called K-Mart."

The shock I felt must have been on my face because she smiles at me again and nods. "Okay, your turn. Come on, make it a doozy," and then she shakes the box a little.

A doozy... is there something I've been really wanting to tell someone? My cheeks begin to blush, and I look away softly, saying, "I'm in love with someone."

"Oh wow, you little devil. Look at those cheeks. You must really love them. You're not going to tell me who?" And again, she shakes the box a little.

Damn her! It's like trying to hold a bug in your mouth. It wants out so badly, but you fight it by trying to keep your mouth closed. "I can't tell you! I could lose him if she finds out!" And my eyes go wide! I look her in the eye as my hand covers my mouth before it says anything else stupid. I can feel tears beginning to collect in the corners of my eyes, and I pull my hand away just long enough to plead, "Please don't tell my mom."

She comes down to my level and pulls a tissue out of her pocket. Very gently and slowly, she wipes the forming tears away and gives me a hug. "Your secret is safe with me," she said, and for whatever selfish reason, I trusted her.

Once I felt better, I began to break the hug, and she feels it and returns to her chair. My eyes are locked on her, wondering what would be next, and then the box bumps into my knee. Looking down, the box is right in front of me, and I give her a little smile. I pull on the flaps, take a deep breath, and open the box.

It's a chess set! "Wow!" I simply say this and rush up to give her a hug.This catches her off guard and I make a note of it. "Thanks, I like it a lot," and then I practically hop back to the floor to look at my favorite game a little closer. The board is on top of a wooden box just over the size of the board. On top, it has two clips holding it shut and a handle, so I can carry it around if I want to. Opening it up, each piece looks to be hand carved and in the classical chess style.

While I look it over, Dr. Ford slides down to the floor with me and sits cross-legged also. She begins to pull the pieces out, and I get the idea she wants to play. Hurriedly, I dump out the pieces in one big dump and flip the box around to make the board. It was quiet while we set up our sides, and I lay on my stomach with my chin propped up on my hands. I can swing my legs when I lie like this and can even kick my own butt.

Once we set up, she looks at me and says, "Did I mention that since we're playing this in a therapist's office, we have to play by the therapist's rules?"

My confused face shakes back and forth. "No, you didn't mention that. Are they difficult? I don't know what the therapist's rules are."

"No, they're not hard. We play chess as long as we keep talking. If one of us stops talking, then we must stop playing. Okay?"

Hmmm, "What happens if you ask something I can't say?"

"Can't say or won't say? There shouldn't be any secrets between us, AJ. That's what I do, I help them work through their troubles and help them heal their heart." Then she looks down and moves a pawn. "I think your heart is hurting something fierce and I want to help you so bad."

I think about her words and move a pawn. "You wouldn't understand... couldn't understand."

"Sometimes I don't understand. You're right, I really don't have to for you to feel better. I'm not here to tell you how you must feel. I'm here to help you work it out yourself," and she moves a pawn again.

I move my knight and stare at the board while I listen to her words replay in my mind. I raise my eyes to her and think maybe I should just ask her the question I've been searching for an answer to. Without warning, shame and guilt slam up from where I hide it, deep down. I struggle to keep it from making me a wreck, and I need to whisper it before I'm overtaken by it, "Am I a bad boy?"

I can't see her. I can barely see the game board. I can only see the carpet. I lay my forehead on the floor and covered my head with my hands, so she couldn't see me cry.

"No, not that I've seen. I see you as a loving, caring, thoughtful little boy. Why do you think you're bad?"

The mumble comes from somewhere under my limbs, "because I've done things-bad things."

"What kind of things? Can you tell me please?"

Under the pile of arms, my head shakes no.

"Please tell me."

Time ticks on and I pull Maxwell over my head to help hide my shame. Then I become aware of a warm feeling of someone's touch on my back. It starts rubbing me in slow circles. It's very relaxing. I wiggle her hand off, roll out from under her, and retreat to my corner behind the plant to stand facing the corner.

I can hear her get up and follow me to the corner, where she moves the plant away and sits behind me. "You're hurting so badly, AJ, and I want to help you, but you must tell me why you think you're a bad boy." Then, very gently, she spins me around; I don't fight it. With tears streaming down my face, I figure I don't have a choice but to tell her. At the lowest volume I can whisper, I tell her, "I got caught playing with daddy's penis..." The tears are flowing now, so bad that my nose joins them. My mouth is quivering so badly I can barely talk. "...and I got us caught and he got in trouble because of me, and mommy took daddy from me to punish me. She says the games we played were bad... that daddy was bad for playing them... doesn't that make me a bad boy... and now I'm all alone... and I really miss him... and what am I going to do!" At this point I can't stop talking. About halfway through, I fell into her arms and sobbed deeply. She rubs my back and just listens. All my shame. All my guilt. All my regrets are all laid out for her to judge me on.

We sat there in the corner, me crying and her rubbing my back. She rocks me back and forth in a very strangely comforting way. I don't know how long. I might have dozed off a time or two, but it was nice. Just to be held again.

Then she breaks the hold, and I sit back on my knees, and she looks at me with soft eyes. "AJ, I'm very proud of you. You must be very brave to tell me those things. I'm very glad you shared those feelings with me, and next time we visit, we'll talk about a few of them. Will that be okay?"

"Your mommy is waiting for you out in the waiting room. Why don't you gather your new chess set, don't forget it for your next visit, and you may go. Once again, I'm very proud of you. You tell your boyfriend I said hi."

Out of everything I just told her, I'm not sure why I'm blushing at the mention of Zack being my boyfriend. "He's not my boyfriend yet, but I love him."

"Does he love you?"

"He said he does."

She gives me a reassuring head nod and says while she stands up to walk me to the door. "Well then, maybe you should talk to him about it, or maybe you and I could talk about it next week." I give her a little nod and walk through the door. Alice is out there, sure enough, and gives me a huge hug before she picks me up and sets me on her hip.

"So, how was it?" She asks while wiping tear fragments from the corners of my eyes.

"It was fine. Dr. Ford is nice." Dr. Ford gives a little laugh and says thank you. Then we head to the car.

In the car, I can tell Alice wants to hear all about it, but I just want to sleep. I'm exhausted. I showed her the chess set, and while she was talking about it, I fell asleep.

When I wake up, I'm on the living room couch with my head on my... Alice's lap. She and the girls are watching some dumb drama movie, yuk. So, instead of watching it, I just think back to what Dr. Ford and I talked about today and wonder how far this rabbit hole is going to go.

Twins

The last of the stud are headed to the barn and Zeke swings his lasso in the air to drive them in the right direction. "Here now! Here now! Hoop! Hoop! Left side! Left side! Zack!"

Awe shit, I'm just not into this today. I spurn my horse to hurry to the left side to intercept the younger studs that just haven't learned the process yet. "Hey! Hey! Where are you going, huh?" I shout as I swing my lasso and release it to fly in the air and land on the lead young calf to turn it back into the herd.

With the cows safely inside, we dismount and go inside to feed and lock them in their bins for the night. As we are walking the horses to their barn, Zeke is fed up with me. "Zack, you have to fuck the kid and get it over with."

"What! No, I can't, not after what he's been through. I must take it slow. Besides... harsh! Fuck isn't what I want... I fuck you. But AJ... I love AJ. I want it to be... more, understand?"

His blank expression tells me he doesn't. "Well, I don't care what you call it, you must do it soon because you're a wreck. You're not sleeping. You're not paying attention half the time. I mean, you almost let that whole left side go and we would have had to start all over again."

"I know. I know, I just can't stop thinking about him. I've convinced myself that those three guys we saw chasing him at lunch are bothering AJ. I investigated it and all three are in his geometry class. Bobby Tons even sits behind him. Besides, AJ saw that shrink today. Do you think they talked about me?"

"Why would they talk about you?"

"Oh, I don't know... maybe because I told him I loved him."

"You did what!? You're kidding me?"

"The day he pushed me when we were riding the horses, after we talked, I went outside and sat by the door, so if he looked out this window that night, I would be there to see him. While I sat there, I got online and learned to sign some sentences, including I love you."

Zeke stops his horse, "Did he sign it back?"

With a sigh, I answer with a shrug, "I was so nervous he was still mad and wouldn't, I didn't wait to see. I just went inside to bed."

He scowls at me and then shakes his head in disapproval, "You're an idiot." Then he hands me his horse's leads and runs to open the barn door.

He's right again, I hate that. We work in pretty much silence. Putting the horses to bed is a quick job. Before too long, we are walking inside to tell Uncle about bringing in the studs. Uncle is already comfortable in his recliner, and Zeke jumps on the couch as soon as he gets naked. I can't help but stare out the window at AJ's house.

"Uncle, can I please spend the night at AJ's house?"

His look was one of indecisiveness, and I'm not sure which way he was going to swing on this issue. I mean, it was a school night and I still had to be up at 4:30 to do chores or I'd never make it to school on time. "I've already got my homework done, and I promise I'll be up for chores... please!"

He looks at me and then at Zeke, and he returns his look and says, "You must let him, uncle. He's been driving me crazy all day... AJ this and AJ that. Maybe they will do whatever and we can get back to normalcy."

Odd, that's a big word for Zeke. Uncle sees my cheeks blushing a little and then says, "I suppose, as long as Alice is okay with it. And you better behave! If you don't behave, I'll whip your bare ass in front of everyone. Remember, Zack, you are older by like five years. Use your head and do what feels right. Don't do anything to mess this up.

Uncle is right, of course, a little rough on the message part, but he's right. I must take it slow. Maybe let AJ steer the relationship. Now to convince Mrs. Docker.

Knock, knock, knock, I'm so nervous. You would think I was picking him up for the homecoming dance or something. Just in case she's okay with it, I did pack a little bag of stuff and that is slung over my shoulder. After a little wait, Mrs. Docker comes to the back door.

"Why hello? How are you?"

"Hello Mrs. Docker. I was wondering... may I please spend the night?" My nervousness must be obvious to see. She stands there and looks over my shoulder to the farmhouse and smiles.

"Is everything okay back home? You're not running away, are you?"

"No ma'am. I ummm... I just want to spend time with AJ."

"And you're not going to get into trouble being here. What about your chores?"

"No ma'am, I talked to uncle and as long as I'm up in time to do the chores, then he's good with me spending the night."

"Well, it looks like you've taken care of everything on your end..." She stands there thinking it over for dramatic effect, and even though I know that is what she's doing, I squirm just the same. "...I don't see why there is any reason you can't spend the night. Your family is always welcome in our home to spend the night or whatever."

I take off my shoes at the back door and Mrs. Docker leads me into the family room. "Look who's here," she says, and everyone looks around, but only one leaps off the couch.

I drop my bag at just about the time AJ leaps into my arms and gives me a big hug. Reluctantly, I broke it a little sooner than I would have liked, but people were watching. "Hey little guy, I asked if I could stay the night and your mom said I could."

That earns her a hug from her son before he takes me by the hand and leads me to the couch to sit down with his bowl of popcorn. I sit in the corner and AJ curls up under my arm. He appears to be... looser in some ways.whatever was keeping him down is easing. I'm not sure what they are watching, but I think I remember it from a few years ago. It has Ryan Reynolds in it before he became the cool action star he is today. At this moment it doesn't matter to me. AJ is sitting so close, I can almost feel his heartbeat if I concentrate.

"Anybody want more popcorn?" Mrs. Docker asks for answers: I do, I do, I do.

Once Mrs. Docker is in the kitchen, I see Missy whispering something in Lana's ear and then the two giggle. For some reason, it makes me blush.

"See, I told you," Missy says in a hushed tone so as not to let people out of the family room hear her.

"Hush, Missy. Don't start anything tonight." Warns Lana.

AJ cuddles a little closer to me and I eye her. Missy is a great example of why I don't get into girls. I wonder when Mrs. Docker will return. I look over that way. She seems to be on the phone, and every so often she looks at me. When she sees me looking at her, she turns her back to me.

"Do you want to go to my room?" AJ asks.

"Yeah, that would be less uncomfortable for sure," I whisper in his ear, and he giggles a little.

"Mom... we're going up to my room!" AJ yells as we exit the family room and head up-stairs. I hurry over and grab my bag where I dropped it when I caught the leaping AJ, and when AJ calls Mrs. Docker mom, she seems shocked. I thought maybe she is going to cry, and I asked if she was okay. She just watched AJ walk to the stairs and wait for me. When I nod and turn to catch up, she tells me- thank you.

As we hurry to his room, AJ is going on and on about how dumb that movie is, but all I could think of was her thanking me. It wasn't that she thanked me, it was how she did it, and what it was for. At first, I thought it was because I asked if she was alright, but now seeing how odd AJ is acting, I'm thinking it's for something else.

"You seem in a great mood," I tease him, and tickle him as we enter his room.

"Oh stop," he giggles, and he jumps, squirms around my reach, but never tries to get away. So, I pick him up and jump on the bed with him. We roll around and end up face to face. Time and even sound seem too slow, except for the sound of his wheezing. Our eyes are so close together that all I can really see is his green eyes and nose. His hot breath is on my lips, and I can study every eye movement. His green eyes are hypnotic. When I don't think I can wait any longer, I pull away and walk over to the Lego room.

"Hey, what happened here?" I ask. I really don't care, but I need to adjust my hard-on. "Wasn't it full of really expensive Lego buildings?"

"Yeah, I kind of... broke them," he says as he rolls upside down on his bed and looks at me with his perfect green eyes.

"Broke'em, huh?" I give him a questionable look and he gives me an upturned smile.

Spinning around on the bed, he kicks himself off and to his feet, laughing, "Alice tried to change my name. I was mad."

Looking over my shoulder at the empty room, "Damn," I whisper.

He looks uncomfortable, then says, "Hey, let's play video games."

We didn't have much time to play video games before Alice yelled up the stairs that it was time for us boys to get ready for bed." AJ, come take your bath in my room. Zack, you can shower in the kid's bathroom down the hall."

"I will. Thanks Mrs. Docker." I shout back so she knows we heard her.

"Take a bath with me, please."

"Maybe later, after we get... closer." I can tell AJ doesn't understand, but that is okay. "I'd never be able to explain to your mom when she toweled me off why I had a huge stiffy while I was in the tub with her... honey!" I tease dragging out the `honey' part and we play a little game of grab-ass while we get ready and head down the stairs.

Taking a shower, I wash everything I can think of really well, even inside my hole, just in case. I mean, who knows what might happen tonight? AJ seems to have a new view on life, and if he steers us in that direction, I'm definitely going along for the ride. I hurriedly dry myself off and then realize I only brought boxers to sleep in. Man, if uncle finds out, he's going to be pissed and I'll get a whippin for sure. Damn it!

I just have to get from the bathroom to his room without someone seeing me in my underwear. But if one of the girls, heaven forbid Missy, sees me, it's over. I clean my mess in the bathroom while I think. Finding the linen closet, I grab an extra towel and wrap it around me, "This will have to do." Once I have my stuff ready, I crack the door and look around first. When the coast is clear, I bolt for the stairs to my safe zone. If I'm seen in his bedroom in my boxers, I can explain that, but running through the house full of... girls, no way I'd be dead.

I got done first, and so I decided to lie on the bed and think about what I wanted to do tonight. First off, I would love to just see him naked. I bet he's gorgeous. There is probably no way he'll be soft, but I bet I can fix that. Not that I don't want to see him hard, just something tells me that seeing him hard will never be a problem. Then, while I was lost in my little daydream, AJ decided to leap on me.

He's wearing a powder blue house coat with randomly placed little silver-lined clouds. It's as adorable as he is, and it makes him look hot. We roll around again and when I begin to hear him wheeze, I stop and sit up. He rolls off the bed; he's so cute when he does that, and turns off the light. Before climbing back into bed, he yells "goodnight" down the stairs, then turns off the light.

Climbing back into bed, he sits as close as he can to me. He pushes his dick towards me, and I know exactly what he wants, but I have to make sure, "Sure you're ready for this?" I can see him rethink it, and then he gives me a quick nod. So, I touch his chest with one hand, then with my other one. I make sure to rub each little perfect nipple as my hands slide over them. He sighs and I get a little moan. Using one hand to hold us both up and the other one to feel his abs. They're little, but they are there, and with a little work on the farm, he'll look amazing. Then the tips of my fingers slip under his little boy's underwear band and stop. I flick my fingers a little, just feeling his boy-v, and he jumps back a few inches.

I quickly look up at his face and he has a look on it I don't recognize. He's afraid, worried, unsure... maybe. Then as soon as his face changes, it changes back, and he nods, he's ready again. I'm not convinced that he is, but he nods again, so I reach out with one hand to pull him closer. I think it's best if we slow this down. A simple kiss sounds nice. I lock onto those incredible green eyes and tilt my head while I lick my lips a little before we touch, and right before we connect, he pulls back, and his hands appear in-between us, almost hitting me in the face. He spins away from me and begins to sob. Other than almost being punched by an eight-year-old and being left with an extremely hard boner, I seem okay, so I concentrate on him.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" I ask him to come here, and I pull a little on his shoulder. It doesn't take much, and he spins on me and buries his head in my shoulder. "We don't have to do anything."

"I just wanted to do stuff like you do with Zeke," he managed to get out in between the sobs.

Rubbing his back I tell him, "Oh you don't want to do the stuff I do with Zeke." That statement earns me a look. I give him some time to study my face and then continue, "The stuff we do will be ours. It won't be rough or dirty like with Zeke. It will be sweet, caring, loving, and innocent, like you."

"When I saw you tonight, I was so happy. I figured this is what you wanted to do tonight," Busted! I thought.

"Maybe in the beginning, but we're boys. We want that kind of stuff all the time. We're all the same. But when I'm holding you," I take a deep breath. "...This is what I want more than anything and when you're ready, the other stuff would be nice too." I say, with a giggle.

He goes for my boxers, "I'm ready! Let me show you," but I catch his hand and shake my head.

"No, you're not. AJ, something must have happened to you, and I don't need to know, but because of it, you're not ready. And that is okay with me. I'll wait as well. This is what I really want...," and I pull him closer. "...to be close to you. Now lay down," I wiped his tears with my hand and put him under the covers. Just to make sure I don't do anything stupid, I sleep on top of the covers. We spoon, and I hold him tight, content. "I love you AJ, good night."

His last words before he fell asleep were, "I love you too."

I laugh to myself, `you know what, this is all I want,' and with that as my last thought, I fall asleep.


End of Counting - Chapter 5 - Tux