Date: Wed, 04 Apr 2001 08:00:53 -0500 From: fsw99 Subject: Chapter 15 of Dear Diary Legal Notice: The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts. The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality. Don't read this story if: **You're not 18 or over, **If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live, **Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex. The author retains copyright to this story. Placing this story on a website or reproducing this story for distribution without the author's permission is a violation of that copyright. Legal action will be taken against violators. E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions or other 'constructive' comments or advice may be sent to: fsw99@mindspring.com. All e-mails will be answered. DEAR DIARY By Stan Chapter Fifteen "Are you gay, too? I really think you are," Mark asked. Matt was totally floored. He really had no idea what to say in return. He just stood, looking at Mark, with his mouth open. "Look, I have never told anyone else I am gay before. Nobody. My parents and both brothers are very homophobic. You ought to hear all the jokes Bobby and Steve trade with my Dad. My Dad is just as bad. He brings home fag jokes all the time and tells all of us. My Mom even laughs along with him. If they found out, my life would be ruined. If anyone in the Boy Scouts found out, they would kick me out immediately. You know how they are," Mark said quickly. Matt just shook his head yes. Everyone knew that the Boy Scouts patted themselves on the back for helping to turn a boy into a man. Instill values in him. Make him a better person. Bring me a boy and I will return to you a man. All very conscientious goals. Of course, if the boy happens to be born gay and they find out, he is immediately labeled as sinful and wicked, and these very courageous leaders immediately turn their back on him, even though he is still the same person that he was before. Very nice policy. Really fits in with their stated goals. "So, you know I could never tell anyone about you. I couldn't take the chance. I just have to have someone to talk over some things. I am so confused, and so scared someone will find out I am gay. I just feel I am totally alone with this awful secret," Mark said, almost to the point of tears. Matt walked over and pulled him to him. Mark hugged him like if they were separated he would die that instant. "Mark, why do you even think I'm gay?" Matt asked, avoiding answering the question. He had to know. He thought he had been so careful. He didn't want anyone to know about him, either. Or, any of the others. Mark pulled back and took his time to pull himself back together. "First, I saw Jamie start to hold your hand when we were walking to the lake. Then, well, this is kind of embarrassing to tell you," he answered. Matt kind of blushed a little bit at the mention of Jamie holding his hand. He had hoped no one had seen that. "Well, I really need to know." "OK. I was climbing the cliff right behind you. I couldn't help but look up as I looked for the next place to hold onto as I climbed. It was your butt hole," Mark said softly, like he really didn't want to say it. "What?" Matt asked. "Yeah. I know it doesn't make any sense. OK, how do I say this? Well, see, I have been doing lots of reading on the internet. I found several sites that have gay stories. I have my own PC, so I just lock my door so my brothers can't come in on me and read a lot." "Ok, but what does that have to do with me?" Matt asked, becoming more confused. "Your butt hole was wide open. Completely dilated, like you had recently had anal sex," Mark said so quietly that Matt could hardly hear him. Matt blushed fiercely. "Oh shit!" he said quietly. "Yeah. I don't think it is a good idea for you to go off the swing any more. Maybe we had better find someplace else," Mark added. "Yeah, I think you are right," Matt agreed. They went back to the cliff and found that everyone else had already jumped and several were already climbing back up the cliff. "Mark and I are going to go swimming down by our camp site," Matt yelled over the edge. Well, as close to the edge as he dared to go. They then gathered all their clothes together and quickly walked towards the campsite before anyone could ask them why. They both jumped in the water when they got back, and just slowly treaded water for a little bit. "So, you are gay, right?" Mark asked seriously. "Mark, you have to swear you won't tell anyone," Matt answered. "I already told you that I couldn't tell anyone else. You would still have your brothers and Jamie if anyone found out. My life would be over. I promise. I swear. What else can I say?" "OK. Yes, I am gay. Look, I will answer any question you want to ask me, but you can't ask about anyone else. I can't say anything without them knowing first," Matt answered. "Oh, you mean everyone is gay?" Mark asked, his eyes getting big. "All six of you?" "Mark, I said you couldn't ask." "OK, it's just I never would have thought it. Especially about Jamie, after he was going to fight Bobby for the camp site. And I saw his fight with that bigger boy at school." "Mark, stop it. I haven't told you anyone else is gay but me, OK? I could have been using a vibrator on myself, or something," Matt added sternly. "In a tent with three other straight boys? Yeah, you could have, but I think you would have gotten some really strange stares," Mark said, as he giggled. Matt couldn't help himself. He just stared at Mark for a few seconds and then started giggling himself. "Look, I'll make you a deal. Let's trade telephone numbers before you and your brothers leave. We can talk over the phone later, and maybe you could come over after school some time. But you understand, don't you? I can't answer any questions about anyone else. It just wouldn't be right to talk behind their backs." "Yeah, I agree with that. OK, no more questions about anyone else but you. Let's just say you have this mystery boyfriend and I have no idea who it is. You do have a boyfriend, don't you?" Mark asked with a big smile on his face. "Yeah. I guess I can tell you that," Matt smiled back. "I just want to know what it feels like. I want someone to make love to me so bad I don't know what to do about it. I want a boyfriend, too. But, I don't know where to even start. I have wanted to tell several of my friends before, but I was scared of what they might say. And who they might tell. I took a big chance with you, but I felt like if I didn't tell somebody, I was going to explode inside. Does that make any sense?" Mark asked. (Young guys, this is the truth, and this isn't me joking around like I like to do. You had better make DAMN SURE who you tell is going to be supportive and not turn around and tell everyone else. You also have to make sure your parents are going to be supportive first if you come out to them. Make up someone that came out to you and tell them about it without naming names. Yeah, it is a small lie, but you had better know how someone is going to react before you put your trust into them. In our small group, we have already lost three members when their parents found out they were gay from ICQ conversations, either old chats not cleaned up or someone else being signed on and members talking to them, thinking it was the other person. Remember Jimmy from "One Big Happy Family?" That is what happened to him. His younger brother had signed on as him. At least that is what we think. He totally disappeared immediately, and his e-mail account was deleted. Brian from OBHF and this story is in big trouble with his parents because a teacher at school called twice to tell his parents that there were rumors he was gay going around the school. Ozy told his best friend he was gay, who immediately told his Dad, who called Ozy's Dad and told him. Neither sets of parents were exactly supportive, but Brian's were far worse than Ozy's, calling him "faggot" to his face. And if you read my "Matt and Mike" story, you know how Mike's family reacted to him being gay, they disowned him. And wait till you learn about what happened to Bruce in my next story, "You Can't Go Back". Learn to delete anything you look at over the internet, stories or pictures. Everything you look at is downloaded onto your hard drive before you can view it. Don't be scared to ever tell anyone else you are gay or bi, but make sure you know their attitude before you say something you live to regret. End of sermon!!!) "Yeah, it does. Look, I'll help in any way I can. But, you have to give me time on the rest of what you want to know, OK? If I can answer anything, I will. If I can't right now, I'll tell you and maybe I can answer it later. You don't have your own phone line, do you?" Matt asked. "No, but I do have a phone in my room and we have two lines, one for regular calls and one for the internet." "Well, we can't take the chance of talking about anything over the phone, then. We can plan to meet after school, but I can't take the chance of one of your brothers or parents picking up another phone and listening in. Agreed?" "Sure. I hadn't thought about that. That's a good idea," Mark said. "Look, let's get out of the water and go sit on the grass so we can talk better." Both got out and dried off as well as they could and went to sit down together. "We can also talk in a chat room or over ICQ or AIM," Matt said. "Yeah, I have both of those. Let's exchange numbers for that, too," Mark answered. They continued to talk for a long time. Mark had lots of questions. Matt struggled at times to tell him what he wanted to know, but he did his best. Several times, both boys got embarrassed, sometimes at the same time, sometimes separately. But, Matt told him as best he could. He knew that Mark needed someone's help, and he was determined to help him if he could. Jamie had missed Matt as soon as Matt had left, but he didn't think anything about it until he didn't return. He hadn't heard Matt yell, and he finally started to ask around to see if anyone knew where he was. "I heard him yell that he and Mark didn't want to use the swing any more and that they were going to swim at the camp site," Steve answered. "Oh. Well, I think I will see what they are doing. I'll be back in a few minutes, OK?" "Sure. Don't be gone too long. We have to leave in a little while," Steve said. We were having a great time together. I really liked Bobby and Steve now. Mark, too. But I was curious why Matt and Mark had left us. Maybe Mark didn't like heights, either. But Matt could have at least told me. I wasn't happy that my boyfriend had just left me with no explanation. When I finally got back to the campsite, I walked down to the lake and didn't see anybody swimming. I was going to go and check to see if they were in the tent, when I saw them sitting close together under a tree. VERY close together. TOO CLOSE together to be sitting around naked, that was for sure. I should have just walked up to them to let them know I was there, but I didn't. I kind of circled around where they couldn't see me, and walked up from behind. "How long have you known you were gay?" Mark asked. "I don't know. Maybe two or three years. When I was younger than that, nobody liked girls, you know? How about you?" "I guess about the same. I sure am envious of you. I sure wish I could find a boyfriend." BOYFRIEND!!!! Matt had told him about us? I was instantly furious. I stormed around the tree, scaring both of them badly. They had no idea who had just overheard them. "Matt, how could you have told him about us?" I demanded. Matt just stared back at me with his mouth open. He was too stunned by my abrupt appearance to be able to say anything. Mark looked like he was ready to run for his life. If he told anyone what Matt had told him, he had better be able to run very fast, because he really might be running for his life. I was very pissed!!! Matt finally composed himself enough to say, "I didn't tell him anything about us. You were the one he saw try to hold my hand when we were on the way to the swing." "Yeah, right," I yelled, as I stormed off towards the tent. "Jamie, wait," Matt yelled, as he got to his feet and ran after me. "Let me explain." "Oh, you can explain telling someone you barely know that we are both gay and boyfriends?" I asked, as I whirled around to face him. "Keep your voice down. You want his brothers to know, too?" Matt asked. "Why not? I'm sure he's going to tell them, anyway. Let's just tell the whole school. I can fight if anyone gives me shit. Can you?" With that, I just ran for the tent. I had no idea why. The rest of my clothes were back next to the swing. I finally remembered, and started jogging back in that direction. I was so mad I couldn't see straight. I couldn't reason. I couldn't do anything. Not only was everyone going to know I was gay but my boyfriend had found someone he liked better. And I thought I loved camping. Camping sucked!!! I was still mad when we got back to the swing. Steve, Brian, and Nate were standing by it, ready to take their turn. "Hey Jamie, is anything wrong? Where are Matt and Mark?" Brian asked. "They didn't want to come and swing out into the lake any more. Matt and I had another fight. That's pretty normal for us, isn't it? So no, nothing is wrong. Is it my turn to swing?" I asked angrily. "Sure, I guess so," Steve said, as he handed me the rope. I didn't hesitate. I ran full speed off the edge, swung out, and tried to do a complete hand stand before dropping. My anger threw my timing off, and instead of gracefully letting go of the rope and entering the water head first, I flipped and went down totally out of control. I hit wrong and swallowed a mouth full of water. I started panicking, like Matt had done. I was an experienced life guard, and was doing everything they taught you not to do. It was a good thing Bobby was down there. If it had just been Bruce and Dave, I could have been in serious trouble. But Bobby was big and strong, and he easily helped me back to the surface and held my head above water until I could cough out all the water I had swallowed down my lungs. I was almost limp in his arms. I don't know what it is about swallowing even a small amount of water down your lungs. You know, you are taking a sip of something and decide to take a breath at the same time? Even that amount of liquid makes you think you are going to pass out before you can finally cough all of it out of your system. I had just swallowed lots more than a sip. Bobby finally helped me over to the shore, where I finally could get to my feet. "Are you OK, Jamie," he asked. "Yeah, I think so. Thanks," I replied shakily. "Well, rest up for a few minutes and then let's all try and climb up one more time. I think we have all had enough of this for one day. When you are ready, I'll climb behind you, OK? If you need any help, just tell me." I looked at him and smiled weakly. "Thanks." He smiled back. "No problem. Maybe we are even now. Friends?" he asked, as he held out his hand. "Friends," I answered, shaking his hand firmly. "Man, we thought you were in trouble there for a second. Maybe Matt is right about swinging out this far up. I think I am just going to do simple dives from now on," Bruce said. "Me too," Dave agreed. "Me too," I added weakly. They all laughed with me. "Guys, why don't you go ahead and climb up. When you are half way up, maybe Jamie will be ready to start climbing," Bobby said. That was fine with Bruce and Dave. Everyone was kind of tired from all the swimming and swinging out from the top, and it was time to relax again for a while. They started up slowly, not nearly as fast as they all did at the start of the day, but climbed steadily. Are you ready?" Bobby asked. "Yeah, I think so," I replied, as I started up, too. Bobby followed closely behind me and soon, we were finally at the top. We all started to dry off as good as we could and then still damp or not, started to dress. "Guys, this has been lots of fun, but I am afraid I am going to have to try and find some new swimming partners," Bobby said solemnly. "Why is that? I thought we all got along really well," Brian asked. "Well, so do I, but I think I have had enough naked boy butt in my face as I climbed up the cliff to last me for a while. I want to see if we can find three sisters who like to camp and swim in the nude," Bobby kidded. Everyone burst out laughing, including Bobby. "Well, if you can find three, see if they have six friends. Then, we all can pair off," Nate kidded back. Hey, have to keep up the image, you know? "So, all we need is nine girls, from eleven to sixteen, who all don't mind getting naked with nine horny boys and jumping off a cliff into a lake, holding on to a small rope, right? That shouldn't be very hard," Steve said as he laughed. "Oh, it would be hard all right, if you could ever find them. I don't think that is the right term. I think difficult works lots better," Bobby said, as we all continued to laugh and joke around as we dressed. We really had enjoyed each other's company. We had lots of fun. Everyone seemed to be having a good time as we walked back to the camp. Everyone but me. My anger had come back, and right now, was just below the boiling point. When we got back, Matt and Mark had already dressed. Good! They had better have!!! Both glanced at me quickly, and then both averted my eyes. Just like I thought. They both felt guilty about what they had done!!! We thanked the three brothers for the rest of the cold drinks and then they took their cooler and finally left. We had put the rest of their ice in a plastic garbage bag, and we would have cold drinks for the rest of our trip. Everyone seemed to be in a really great mood as we watched them walk off. Everyone but Matt and I. All I could think of as I heard them get into their truck and drive off was a quote from an old comedy show I had seen one time late at night when I couldn't find anything else to watch. "Lucy, you got lots of splaining to do!!!" To be continued. We have our own web site now. Come visit our group at www.gayfreezone.homestead.com. Comments are appreciated and always answered. Comments can be sent to fsw99@mindspring.com and are forwarded to a group e-mail account so all the guys can read them too.