Date: Tue, 17 Feb 2009 18:15:35 EST
From: Chiconian1@aol.com
Subject: Early Beginnings 5

It rained for the next two days, so that gave me a bit of a cooling off
period. On the third day I was summoned to the principles office and I was
wondering what the fuck I had done?
My mom was waiting there for me and I could tell she had been crying. She
told me that my brother Jim had died in an auto accident and she has come to
bring me home. We didn't speak on the drive to our house; I did not know what to
say. I just kept rubbing her shoulder while she drove.
When we got home, my dad was packing his suitcase. He had to go back to where
my brother lived in Arizona to take care of Jim's affairs and have his body
shipped back.
Jim had divorced years earlier and with no children (that we knew of) we were
his only family.
I barely knew my brother, as he joined the Air Force when I was 6 and his
visits were few and far between. The one thing I always knew was that he was my
dad's favorite son. I couldn't count the times he had asked me "Why can't you
be more like your brother?"
When I went into my room, I saw that my suitcase was packed as well. My mom
followed me into my room and informed me that I would be going with my dad to
Phoenix, she did not want him to go alone and she had to stay at home and tend
to my dad's business.
I was pretty freaked, although my mom and I were like best friends, my dad
and I were more like strangers. When I attempted to argue, she told me, "Your
Father has to go because he knows about estates and I don't. I need to stay home
and take care of business. Your dad needs you and I don't want him going by
himself. He has to identify Jim's body at the morgue. Would you want him to go
by himself?"
To make a long story short, my dad and I flew out to Phoenix and did all the
necessary things which needed doing. I was just there to keep him company. The
worst part was the morgue. Jim had recently moved to Phoenix and was
relatively unknown. The authorities wanted a family member to sign off on the papers,
before Jims remains could be shipped back home. When they told my dad he could
go in and see Jim, I offered to go with him, but he ordered me to wait
outside. When he came out, he looked like he had aged 10 years.
On the way back from the morgue my dad stopped by a liquor store and bought a
bottle of Gin and some mixer. This did not make me happy. My dad rarely
drank, however, I once saw him become very disagreeable when he was drunk. I just
stayed quiet, what could a kid do?
Dad had a cocktail, and then we went out to dinner. When we returned to the
motel, he started drinking and I just sat on my bed and read a book, trying to
stay out of his way.
My dad was a big 6ft 4 inch German and although he never hit me, he could be
very intimidating.
After about an hour, dad sat on my bed and took my book away from me and
asked me to sit up. He then put his arms around me and started crying. I never saw
my dad cry before and I got all emo and I started crying as well. After we
ran out of tears, he kissed me and said "We need to talk."
My dad told me how sorry he was that he had distanced himself from me for so
many years and he wanted that to change. He only hoped it wasn't too late. He
told me a story about his father, my granddad. He, his dad and his two
brothers lived in a big house in Brooklyn. My grandma had died when dad was 4 and he
really couldn't remember her. His dad had never remarried and the housekeeper
took care of the boys when my granddad was at work. My granddad's best friend,
who was a doctor, rented a room and was like an uncle.
One day when my dad was 12, he got sick at school and they sent him home. You
didn't have to call anyone to get you back then; you just rode a streetcar
home. When my dad walked past his father's bedroom, he heard strange noises.
When he looked through the keyhole and he saw his dad and the doctor having sex
on his dad's bed. My dad went to his bedroom in shock. He was, sick, mad,
confused, and felt betrayed, and there was no one there to explain it to him. He
had kept it a secret all these years.
He then said he knew I was like my granddad and although he did not
understand why we were the way we were. He loved my granddad and he would always love
me. Now I was crying and holding my dad and he kept telling me it was ok.
"You are a lot like you granddad in so many ways. Had he lived to see you
born, you could have been best of friends."
After I calmed down, dad told me that he was sorry for always telling me that
I needed to be more like my brother.
"Your brother was a good boy when he lived under our roof, but after he left,
something went terribly wrong. He became an alcoholic. He beat his wife and
was fired from jobs. I will always love your brother, but he was not a good
person."
"Your brother was drunk when he crashed his car and was killed. Another man
was riding in his car and he was killed too."
"Your brother killed that man."
"Your mother and I love you just the way you are."
"So mom knows I'm gay, I asked?
My dad just laughed and told me that in all the years they had been married,
he had never been able to keep a secret from her, so I never had a chance.
He also told me that it would be a good idea if I sat down with my mom and
talked about things with her. It would make her feel like I trusted her.
When I got home, my mom and I had `the talk. I didn't tell her about Perry,
because I didn't want her asking about Tommy.
To be continued
Authors note......This is a story based on things that really happened to me.
Like real life, some are good and some are bad. If you just wanted to read about
sex, you're reading the wrong story. I've had lots of sex in my life, but
sex does not make me who I am.

Any comments to _Chiconian1@aol.com_ (mailto:Chiconian1@aol.com)