Date: Thu, 1 May 2003 21:00:01 -0400 From: mr. axl Subject: eddie and the axeman 18 I RECENTLY LOST SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL TO ME I WAS SHOCKED TO LEARN OF HIS PASSING AND MANY OF US HERE FEEL THE LOSS. YOU WERE AN INSPIRATION TO ME JUSTIN CASE. I WILL MISS YOU VERY MUCH MAY GOD WATCH OVER YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES AXL EDDIE AND THE AXEMAN 18 Alex would only see Eddie A few more times after christmas night. Eddie would call whenever he was back in the group home, Alex would offer to have his parents sign Eddie out for the day or even the weekend but something always came up. Both times he saw him again, it was at the group home and they really didnt talk much. Eddie had mentioned a guy he met in chicago while he was hustling up there. He said he really wanted to go back there as there was nothing here for him anymore. There had been a boy, but talk of him drifted away quickly. Every conversation came back to how lonely and hopeless his life felt. Alex would listen and wonder why the hell a mother would let this happen to her child? Alex really did believe that Eddie would be able to go camping on spring break but it wasn't to be as Eddie got in trouble for some damned thing and would be unable to leave the home. When he called Alex and told him, he also told of his plans to leave and to head for chicago. He would be living with Vincent if he would still have him. It was the end of April when Alex would hear from Eddie for the last time. He came home from school and his mother informed him that he had a letter on the stand next to the door "It's post marked chicago. who do you know in Chicago?" Alex went to his room and slowly opened the letter, he had a deep sinking feeling in his gut as he removed it from the envelope and slowly unfolded it. His eyes filled up with tears as he read it, when he finished he simply walked downstairs and lay it on the kitchen table for his mom to read. Then he turned and walked back up the stairs with a numb feeling in his mind. He now knew he would never hear from his friend again, part of him felt relief and another part of him felt a sadness so deep that he could not even attatch himself to it. Alex was numb, he just sat on the bed and cried, he cried for himself and for his friend. he cried for pain and he cried for relief. and he cried. Dear Alex, Thank you for being a great friend, and for putting up with so much of my shit. I know it had to be hard. I realize that I will never have another friend like you. I'm not as good at writing as you are so bear with me I really am happy that you and Kevin have each other ,I realize I will never have that. I sat here for awhile and thought about all the things we did together, they were the happiest times of my life. When I think of last summer at the campsite,man what a team we were. and all the fun we had , sometimes I still think about Jesse and Reese and wonder if I will ever see them again, but I realize I won't. I realize I will never see any of you guys again. I'm so tired Alex, you have no idea what its like to wake up and realize that its going nowhere, I mean I used to have dreams of all the things I could be when I grew up , but now I realize they will never come true. Now my dreams are to just survive another day, and they have faded. I can't go back home because I'm not wanted. I cant go to the group home because thats like a slow painful death, each day just sucks a little more life out of you, but you know that. I can't go back to Vincent because he found another boy. Which leaves me right back where I was before. nowhere. I'm tired of being hungry, I'm tired of being dirty. and I'm tired of suckin' dick for a meal, and a bath. my dreams will never come true Alex. I love you man, you were the best friend a guy could ever ask for. please don't forget about me, your the only one who ever cared. good bye my friend see you in the next life Eddie Jacobs the end. AXL http://axl.hyperboards2.com/index.cgi