I'm Eli, a fourteen-year-old boy struggling with being gay. At least I think I'm gay. I actually like girls but also like cock. I'm not attracted to boys like I am to girls – just their cocks. For awhile it didn't affect my life outwardly – it was just a dirty little secret I kept to myself. I would think about cocksucking whenever I jacked-off. I enjoyed looking at cocksucking porn online and always imagined myself doing the sucking.

My parents are very religious and they think being gay is an abomination. They weren't raised to be religious – in fact both my grandparents on my father's side are very open minded, but shortly after I was born Dad got religion and pulled us all in. We belong to a fire and brimstone church where every Sunday the pastor preaches on sin and burning in hell. As soon as I'm eighteen I'm getting out of this and never coming back.

One day Dad started snooping on my computer. I usually erased the web browser history regularly, but it had been a few days and he followed a couple of links to blowjob sites. In a few minutes he called me in and asked me about them. I told them that I was doing a google search for homework and got some bad hits. I lied and said I closed them as soon as I saw what they were.

"You're lying!" said Dad, always thinking the worst, "This stuff arouses you, doesn't it?"

"No," I insisted, but Dad saw the bulge in my pants and said, "Bullshit, you're a faggot!"

He led me out to the living room and called a family meeting. He always began the family meetings with prayer, which my older sister, Terri and I went along with to keep the peace. Afterward he announced, "We have a problem – Eli has been thinking impure and homosexual thoughts – we need to decide what to do."

Dad felt that punishment was in order, but Mom was less vindictive and suggested he discuss it with our pastor.

Dad agreed and said he was glad that my sister had a normal relationship and admonished her to keep it that way.

Later that night Terri stopped to see me and said, "Dad sure is pissed. What happened?"

"He found some of my jack-off pictures on the web," I admitted.

"That's a shame," she said, "I could have hooked you up with my boyfriend – he's always trying to get me to blow him."

That night I thought about blowing Mike, her boyfriend. If only I'd had a real cock to suck there would have been no evidence for Dad to find. Well, it’s too late now.

The next day Dad said he'd talked to our pastor and I was to make a public confession before the entire congregation on Sunday, and the begin a faith-based cure. "Somehow the Devil has gotten into you," said Dad, "But God will drive him out!" The thought of confessing before the entire congregation was completely humiliating, and I begged Dad to let me confess in private, the way the Catholics do.

"We're real Christians," insisted my Dad, and you'll confess where everyone can hear it – that way you'll repent and recover."

Dad coached me on what to say, and Sunday morning partway through the service the pastor announced that there was a special confession, and Dad nudge me and told me to go to the front. I nervously got up and walked to the pastor, and turned to face the congregation, but immediately became tongue-tied. Seeing my reluctance, the pastor prodded me on, saying, "Tell the congregation of your personal demons, that they may join in making you whole before God."

I knew I had to say something, or I'd be up there all day, so I began, "I beg the forgiveness of God and this congregation for the problem I struggle with."

The pastor said, "And what problem is that?" He was intent on my saying it all.

"Homosexuality," I said timidly.

"Louder please," he said, "So all can hear." I said it loudly and felt like crawling into a hole.

The congregation was dead-silent. If I'd said drugs, or drinking or shoplifting it would have been easier, but now I'd told my deepest secret to everyone I knew!

"Will the congregation respond that you will support Eli in his struggle?" he asked. They responded in unison that they would.

He sent me back to my seat and I breathed a sigh of relief.

There was a social period after the service where we had soft drinks and snacks. Some of the boys I went to school with approached me and said they would be glad to support me and invited me to their house that afternoon.

I felt all alone, and was glad for some understanding friendship, so I quickly agreed.

We went home after church and I told Dad that the boys had invited me over, and he encouraged me, saying, "Good for you to spend some time in the company of good wholesome, God-fearing boys."

I felt like I'd had enough of church for a lifetime, but didn't want to be alone, so after lunch I made my way to Steve's house, where Matt, Jerry and Todd were hanging out.

Steve said we were going over to Matt's house because his parents weren't home and we could hang out in the downstairs recreation room. We went to Matt's and soon they were playing porn movies on the TV. When we got to the part where a woman was sucking a guy, Steve said, "That's what you want to do, isn't it?"

I didn't answer, and soon Steve took out his cock and said, "Here, I told you I'd help you, give it a try."

This wasn't something I expected from other church members, but I was fed up with church and thoroughly pissed about what I'd been through. I decided that I deserved this and took Steve into my mouth and began to suck. I wondered if cocksucking was truly an abomination, why did mouths and cocks fit together so well? Or were they supposed to be together?

I felt like I was in a fog as I gave my first blowjob and the other boys watched with interest. When Steve came in my mouth I found the taste to be strong, and completely unique. I knew I should swallow, but just held his load in my mouth as he finished draining.

He pulled out and I swallowed, and Matt stepped forward and put his cock into my mouth. I sucked him as Jerry and Todd watched, eagerly awaiting their turn. Soon Matt rewarded my efforts with his strong load. It tasted a little different than Steve's but kind of similar at the same time.

Now Todd entered my mouth and I was doing a better job, with my skills improving with each cock. Todd's load was also different, but similar to the others.

Finally Jerry stepped up. He was the oldest and had the biggest cock I'd ever seen. As he slipped into my mouth he put his hands firmly on my head and held me as he pumped his cock in and out of my mouth. I later learned that this was called a face-fuck, but it seemed like an oral rape to me. It was arousing just the same, and I had nothing to do but keep my tongue moving back and forth as Jerry slammed into my mouth, pressing my nose to his belly with every thrust. Being bigger than the other boys, he gagged me as he went in all the way but didn't stay there. As I grew accustomed to his thrusts, I found I kind of liked the gagging. As Jerry shot his load he said, "Take that cocksucker!" That was a little shocking at first, but I started to warm up to my new title.

As Jerry pulled out, Steve said, "Eli, you're a pretty good cocksucker, and you're welcomed to suck me any time."

The other boys agreed, and I said, "Okay, but you can't tell anyone – I can't have this getting out."

I went back home, feeling like I'd gotten a little revenge against my Dad. I went to Terri and asked if she could arrange for me to blow Mike. She said she would be glad to arrange it and was glad that I was resisting Dad – he was such a religious nut-case!

The next day Terry told me to meet her and Mike at McDonalds after school. I did and Mike had his car with him and drove us to a roadside park. We parked and walked back to one of the picnic benches that couldn't be seen from the street because of the trees. Mike and Terry sat on the table with their feet on the bench. Mike told me to sit on the bench between his feet. He unzipped and took out his cock while Terri watched.

I was reluctant to do anything with my sister watching, but she urged me on, saying she would consider it a personal favor if I'd suck Mike off while she watched. I was indebted to her, so I leaned my head to Mike and began to suck. Terri had her hand under her skirt and was fingering herself off as I sucked. I love the fact that my sucking was arousing my own sister!

Mike was as big as Jerry, but didn't face fuck me, so I got to enjoy exploring his big cock! Soon he came and I enjoyed the now-familiar, manly taste. After Mike was drained, I looked up to see Terri finishing her fingering and letting out a little shreak.

I swallowed and asked, "Did you cum?"

"Several times," she said, "Eli, you're a great brother." It was nice to be appreciated.

I though more about appreciation. Dad thought I was like dirt – worse than dirt – sinful dirt.

But Terri and all the guys I blew appreciated me, and I really liked that.

For the next six weeks I went to see the pastor for a couple of hours every Thursday night with Dad. We prayed and they made me beg for forgiveness and to purify my life. Little did they know that I had Steve and his friends lined up to blow every Thursday after the "cure session."

Thanks to my crazy dad I spent a lot of time on my knees, but I wasn't praying!

  To be continued . . .

Feel free to contact me with your comments or requests.
    –Bill Beaumonte (oral_guy_2000@yahoo.com)