I 'm Bill, and was only sixteen the first time I was asked to suck cock. Jeff, my best friend asked me and I refused. I knew that cocksucking was for gay guys and wanted no part of it. I'm not at all homophobic, but a lot of people still are, so I just chose to be straight.

Now a lot of people insist that it isn't a choice – that you are born with your sexual orientation. Maybe so – I don't know for sure, but I was sure I was straight, and had no interest in being gay.

I had been best friends with Jeff since he moved to my neighborhood over a dozen years before. As we went through puberty and began to jack-off, we would often talk about it, and about girls we knew. Jeff had an older brother who had some girlie magazines. When he shared them with me I needed to jack-off right away, and soon we were jacking-off together. It was just a couple of straight guys jacking off to straight porn – nothing more.

Jeff had access to a lot of his brother's magazines, and soon we were jacking-off together a couple of times a week. One day Jeff asked me if I wanted him to stroke me. I was doing just fine myself and asked him why.

"I heard it feels so much better when someone else does it," Jeff said.

I didn't believe it, so I let him try, just to find out (you know – inquiring minds want to know). As soon as he took hold of my cock, I was amazed at how wonderful it felt! "That's great!" I said, "Keep going." Jeff continued to stroke me until I came, and it was much stronger than usual.

"That was amazing!" I declared, but soon began to feel some guilt about being part of something that didn't seem straight at all.

"Do me now!" Jeff shot back, but I could not. I told him I just didn't feel right about it. Jeff was pissed, and grabbed his magazine. He left and didn't talk to me for a couple of days.

We had been friends forever and I really didn't want it to end, so I approached Jeff at school and said, "I'm really sorry, and want to make it up to you."

"I'm glad," Jeff said, smiling, "It's been bugging the hell out of me. I'm so glad you have changed your mind and know just how you can make it up to me."

"See you after school then," I said, and Jeff agreed.

Throughout the school day I thought about jacking Jeff off and was actually looking forward to it. The idea that I could make him cum somehow seemed really cool. Then I recalled Jeff's words about knowing how I could make it up to him. Did he have something in mind beyond jacking him off? I knew I'd gladly stroke him, but probably wouldn't go any farther.

After school I went to Jeff's house where we quickly stripped down and soon I was stroking his cock. I had never touched another guy's cock before and kind of liked the way it felt in my hand. I didn't know why I didn't want to do it before.

Then I remembered how I felt strangely shamed after I came – like I came in a way I shouldn't have. I never felt shame after I came – maybe that was my body's way of keeping me straight and away from anything gay.

Jeff hardened in my hand, and he asked me to squeeze his cock as hard as I could. I did, fearing I would hurt him, but he wanted more.

"Keep going," he said, "You're doin' good! Ready to make up for not doing me sooner?"

I thought I was already making up for it, and said, "What do you mean?"

"When I cum, take it in your mouth," he said, "And we'll be even."

"No fuckin' way!" I exclaimed, "I'm straight!"

"Well how straight is what you're doing now?" Jeff asked.

He had a point, and I realized this whole thing was going wrong, so I let go of his cock and said, "Maybe we should just both take care of ourselves."

"You can't do that to me Bill!" he replied, "I'm so close, you have to finish! You promised."

He was right, I did promise, but sure wasn't going to let him cum in my mouth! I took hold of his cock and stroked him. Soon he was rock hard again and in a few minutes he shot his load into a tissue I held.

"Thanks," said Jeff, "But it would have been better in your mouth."

"Why?" I asked, "To humiliate me?"

"No Bill," he said, "Nothing at all like that – it just shows caring."

I didn't get that at all, so Jeff said he would show me a magazine that would make it clearer.

I had no idea what he meant, but used one of his brother's girlie magazines for inspiration and began to jack-off. I didn't want help from Jeff – this was going to be a totally straight experience. I stroked while watching the pictures of the curvy girl tits and asses, wishing I were with them. Then suddenly I found myself thinking about jacking Jeff. I tried to put it out of my mind, but you can't exactly un-think something. I tried to focus on the girl pictures but once again the thought of stroking Jeff returned and this time, I imagined him cumming in my mouth. To my alarm I found myself cumming to that very thought! It was an especially strong climax, and soon I felt the shame returning – like my sub-conscious was trying to tell me to remain straight – was that a safety mechanism to keep me from turning gay?

It was confusing, and I just wanted to get away, so I told Jeff I had to leave. "What's wrong?" he asked. I told him I just had to leave and did so.

The next day Jeff approached me and asked what was going on in my head. "We've been friends forever," he began "And I don't want that to change. Maybe if I understood what was bothering you I could help you out."

"I don't understand it myself," I said, "But I enjoyed jacking you off, but when I thought about it while I jacked off it was great until I came, then I felt a bunch of shame, like it was wrong."

"It's definitely not wrong," Jeff assured me, "But maybe I can help you understand. Come to my house after school and I'll show you a magazine that might help."

After school Jeff showed me a porn magazine titled "Friends With Benefits". It was a gay magazine that featured guys blowing each other. "That looks pretty gay to me," I said.

"I know that's what it seems like," explained Jeff, "But it isn't. You like girls, not boys, don't you?"

"Of course," I agreed.

"Then all we are doing is helping each other to cum," Jeff continued, "It's not like we are in love or anything – just good friends, helping each other out."

I had to admit that it made a lot of sense. We both needed to cum, and it worked so much better when we helped each other out. Soon we were naked, and I was stroking Jeff off. Once again he asked if I would let him cum in my mouth, but I refused.

After he came, I said, "What about me?" Jeff said he wasn't in the mood, but I assured him that I needed to cum whether he was in the mood or not. Reluctantly Jeff stroked me off and I came, but immediately felt the old shame ruining a darned good climax. I felt the need to just get away, so I left.

The next day Jeff and I talked about what happened immediately after cumming. We both seemed to experience the same feeling that left us not very enthusiastic about helping with each other's climax. We didn't know how to change that, but settled upon a solution. The one who did stroked off the other would jack-off on their own later, and each day we would alternate: one day I would stroke Jeff and the next day he would stroke me.

That worked out well, but I still found myself fantasizing about Jeff cumming in my mouth and always being ashamed about it once I came.

When Jeff sucked me, I would hold his cock, getting him hard as he stroked me. Then after I left he would jack-off.

I asked Jeff if he ever thought of me when he jacked-off and he admitted that he did. "In what way?" I inquired.

"I think about cumming in your mouth and that always gets me off," he said. I wished I hadn't asked.

"You know darned well I'm not gonna let you do that," I insisted.

"Yeah," acknowledged Jeff, "But it still turns me on."

Even so, Jeff would occasionally ask if he could cum in my mouth – not very often – about once a month. My answer is always the same: "Hell no!"

Though I never agreed to do it, he was starting to wear me down. I still thought about it when I jacked-off and knew that I secretly really wanted to try it, but just didn't want to face up to it.

Jeff and I had a pretty good thing going. We both dated girls and liked them but would often co-miserate about how difficult they can be. We were glad to have such a good friendship, so we never had to go long before cumming.

Then one day, over a year later, Jeff hit me with a new request.

"I know you don't want me to cum in your mouth," he said, "And I'm not asking for that, but would you suck me?"

"Give you a blowjob?" I asked, "You gotta be kidding!"

"I promise I won't cum in your mouth!" Jeff affirmed, "I'll tell you when I'm ready and you can stroke me the rest of the way. It won't be a blowjob because I wouldn't cum in your mouth."

"I don't think I wanna do that," I said, and began to stroke Jeff as usual. He came and I caught his load in a tissue as I always did.

As I got up to leave, Jeff asked, "Please give it some thought – it would be fantastic, and maybe you would like it too."

I left and didn't give it another thought until bedtime when I jacked off. This time I found myself involuntarily thinking about sucking Jeff. I imagined what it would be like to have his cock in my mouth. I came before Jeff's fantasy cock came, and I felt the usual shame.

I lay in bed pondering the paradox I lived. I was turned on by something that caused me shame, but I kept on repeating it day after day. Was the shame a normal part of my climax that I'd just have to learn to accept?

Two days later it was my turn to jack-off Jeff again. "I've been thinking about what you said the other day," I began, "And I think I might be willing to try sucking you, but you better not cum in my mouth!"

"Never!" promised Jeff, and soon I was kneeling for Jeff to feed me his cock. I was surprised at how it felt in my mouth – so natural – like it belonged there. I traced its contours with the tip of my tongue and focused on the underside of the head. Soon Jeff said, "I'm cumming!" and I pulled off, stroking him into a tissue.

"That was incredible!" he said, "so much better than your hand."

I must admit that I liked it as well – there was something very special about it that I simply cannot describe. Each night I would jack-off I recalled sucking Jeff, but in my fantasy he would cum in my mouth, which was what would trigger my climax, and the usual shame.

I rationalize that if I wanted Jeff to cum in my mouth that I should feel ashamed, but still wanted it just the same. The shame no longer got in the way; it simply became a minor nuisance.

I secretly wanted Jeff to cum in my mouth, but certainly didn't want to tell him, but I had an idea.

The next time I was to suck Jeff, I asked him, "How accurately do you know exactly when you are about to cum?"

"Pretty accurately, I guess," was his response, "Why?"

"I was just wondering if you could call it accurately enough so you would cum just as I pulled away," I asked, "So you didn't need to be stroked to finish."

"We can give that a try," he said.

I began to suck him, secretly planning to "accidentally" cum in my mouth when I could make it happen in a convincing manner. For now I just focused on arousing him well. Soon he said, "Here it comes!"

I felt his cock begin to enlarge in my mouth and pulled off just as he shot his load on my face and chest.

"That was close!" said Jeff, "I almost came in your mouth – I tried to give you enough warning."

"It's fine," I said, "How was it for you?"

"Best so far!" he agreed, "Thanks for being willing to try new things."

I was really pleased at how it worked out. I learned that Jeff's cock swelled a bit in preparation for cumming. I didn't get any cum in my mouth this time, but next time I'll keep him in my mouth a little longer.

Since Jeff and I continued to date girls, we knew we were still completely straight – just helping each other out.

The next time I sucked him, he gave me the usual warning and I felt his cock enlarge, but instead of pulling off immediately, I let him squirt in my mouth once before pulling off. The taste was strong, and unlike anything else. I couldn't immediately decide if it tasted good or bad, but I knew I wanted more.

"Wow, that was close!" said Jeff, "It felt like I might have shot some in your mouth – was it okay."

"Almost," I lied, "It was a near miss." I knew this was unsustainable – it was just a matter of time before I'd be taking the whole load, and Jeff would of course know it when I do.

The next day I told Jeff that I'd be willing to let him cum in my mouth just to see what it was like, but if I didn't like it – no more. Jeff smiled and quickly agreed.

The next day we tried it, and when Jeff said he was cumming I put my hands on his ass cheeks and pulled him close, driving his cock to the back of my mouth as he came. I took the entire load. It tasted strong, but somehow better than before – I suppose it might be what they call and "acquired taste".

"Damn that was good!" said Jeff, "It's okay to swallow." I swallowed and ended up with a strange aftertaste – kind of a reminder of what I just did. I really liked it, but knew I'd be in for some serious shame the next time I came.

Sure enough, when I jacked off that night I came quickly remembering the mouthful of cum and immediately felt guilt and shame washing over me. Frankly, it pissed me off that something so hot was being ruined by shame that shouldn't be. Even if it was gay, it wasn't wrong – it was just something I needed to keep private.

I lay in bed pondering what to do about this dilemma. I recalled hearing people talk about facing their fears, and wondered if there might be a way to face my shame and conquor it.

The next day Jeff was supposed to jack me off, but I told him I wanted to try something different. I said I wanted to jack myself off while sucking him.

"What if I cum first?" Jeff asked, "Then you won't want to finish."

"I'll make sure I don't cum until after you do," I promised.

Jeff agreed and soon we were both naked, with me kneeling and sucking Jeff as I jacked-off. It didn't take long before I felt my climax approaching, so I had to back off, and focus on making Jeff cum. Without knowing it, I was actually "edging" myself – bringing myself to the verge of climax repeatedly and then backing off. I hoped I could continue that without going too far.

Soon Jeff came, and as he shot his hot load into my mouth I came almost immediately! It was an amazing climax, but the shame was pretty substantial as well. There I was with a cock and mouthful of cum, holding my spent cock. What could be gayer than that? I really didn't care. I didn't let the shame spoil my fun.

From that day on, that was what we did. Jeff never jacked me off again, but that was fine with me – I preferred jacking myself off while he came in my mouth.

We continued this every day, and my edging got a bit more daring – sometimes I came just as Jeff did. Jeff noticed and asked what would happen if I came first and didn't want to finish.

"I owe you a finish," I assured him, "If I cum first, just grab my head and make me finish."

That was what I was working up to. If I could cum and finish the blowjob, then I knew I had conquored my shame.

The next day I made a point of cumming before Jeff. I continued to hold him in my mouth but stopped sucking. When Jeff noticed, he grabbed my head and said, "You promised! Now finish what you started!"

I had no choice, so I continued sucking. It was different now, and actually better. When I sucked before, my mind was clouded by arousal, but now that I came my mind was really clear and I noticed more detail about the sucking than before. When Jeff came, his load tasted stronger than ever. I only felt a little shame, coming to grips with the fact that I was a cocksucker and I liked it!

While cocksucking normally aroused me, once I had cum I was no longer aroused, but found that the blowjob was a more vivid experience for me. While I realized that it wasn't something straight guys did, I clearly understood how much I loved it, and wanted to do my very best for Jeff.

When Jeff finally came, the taste of his cum was stronger than ever, and I loved it. When it was all over, Jeff and I had a very candid discussion. We both acknowledged that we liked what we just did the very best and wanted to continue. It might not be something straight guys did, but we knew we wanted to continue. We still liked and dated girls, but helped each other to cum, since the girls weren't very helpful in that.

We repeated our private ritual nearly every day, and became closer than ever. As we gained experience in dating we told each other all about anything that happened. Eventually we were more successful in making progress with girls – or maybe as the girls got older they were easier – either way, sometimes we came on our dates, so our private sessions were less frequent. Of course, the girls had periods, so Jeff and I were glad we had each other then. Even between periods, the girls weren't interested in doing it every day, so we continued to help each other out.

Eventually Jeff and I each found wives, and then discovered that we got even less sex after marriage. Fortunately we were able to remain in the same town as our families grew, so we could continue to help each other out. I still contend that I'm completely straight – just helping my best friend. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm convinced that I am a straight cocksucker! (And I like it!)

  To be continued . . .

Feel free to contact me with your comments or requests.
    –Bill Beaumonte (oral_guy_2000@yahoo.com)