Date: Mon, 17 Sep 2001 17:14:16 -0700 (PDT) From: Dewey Subject: Brian and Pete Chapter 6 Brian and Pete Chapter Six Of Life and Death Copyright Notice - Copyright (C)August 2001 by Dewey. This story is copyrighted by the author and the author retains all rights. This work may not be duplicated in any form, physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise without the authors expressed permission. All applicable copyright laws apply and will be enforced. This story is a work of erotic fiction involving teenage boys partially based on real people and events. Names have been changed to protect the guilty as well as the innocent. All the usual rules apply. If you shouldn't be reading this now, then don't continue on. ===0=== Six o'clock Tuesday morning. Pete turned off the alarm as usual, and then kissed me on the forehead. "Morning, Bri. How'd you sleep?" "Pretty well. My ass hurts, though." Pete laughed softly. "At least it's not me being a pain in the ass!" "No, you're just a smart ass. Ray is a pain in the ass." Pete chuckled and hugged me to him. The feeling of his strong body against mine filled my soul as I lost myself in thought. "What?" "Huh?" "Why were you shaking your head with that goofy grin?" "Oh. Nothing. I just can't believe that you still want me to be here with you, after all the shit I've put you through." "Brian, St-O-O-O-op." "I can't help it." I backed off a bit so I could see his eyes properly without crossing mine. "If I had wanted to get rid of you, I would have let you go a long time ago. I know we have something special, Bri. Something worth fighting for. I couldn't just give up." "But I..." "Yes, you probably did. And you did hurt me, but that's going to happen from time to time. It's part of every relationship. We just work through it, and come out stronger on the other side." He embraced me lightly. "You aren't going to get rid of me that easily, Brian Andrew." He grinned and kissed me gently on the lips. "Pete?" "Yeah, babe?" "I love you." His answering smile lit our room. "I love you, too, Bri." We lay there for a while longer, comfortable in each other's presence. "What time is our flight?" "Um, noon, I think. That means we have to leave here by about ten." "Oh, then I can sleep in some more." "Nah. I'd rather have you awake." His mischievous grin told me what he meant. * * * * * After, as we relaxed in each other's arms drifting in and out of sleep, Kevin poked his head in. He smiled as he saw us together. "Good, you guys are awake. Do you need anything for your trip?" Pete answered, "I don't think so. Nothing we can't get down there if we need it." He snapped his fingers. "Wait. Brian, do you have a suit to wear?" "No." "We need to get him a suit. It completely slipped my mind with everything going on." Kevin broke in, "You won't have time to get it tailored." "We'll have to live with it." "Pete, I can't let you spend..." "And how do you propose to stop me, gimpy?" "Kick your ass." "Then I get to kick yours. Wanna bet whose hurts more?" His irreverent grin melted away my resistance. "Please, Brian. I want to do this for you." "Okay, okay. That means I have to get up, doesn't it?" "Yup." "Shit." "Brian?" Kevin wore an amused smile. "Sorry. I'll get up." "Good. See you downstairs." He closed the door behind him. Pete rolled over so he was lying on top of me, looking deeply into my eyes. "I love you, Brian." "I love you, too, babe." I hugged him as tightly as I could, forcing him to grunt in response before I loosened my embrace enough to allow him to breathe without effort. "I think you cracked a couple ribs." "Sorry." "No you're not." "You're right. I'm not. But you just feel so damn good in my arms." Pete hummed his agreement and hugged me briefly. "We have to get moving. We've got a lot to do before we go to the airport." He rolled off and away from me. "I'll take my shower first." "Why can't we take it together? It'll go faster." He pretended to be deep in thought for a moment before he answered, "I suppose, but no playing around. I wasn't kidding about having a lot to do." "Okay," I said with an exaggerated sigh, and followed Pete to the bathroom. Showers are fun. The hardest part is maneuvering around each other to rinse off. After scrubbing each other down and washing our hair, I hung my arms around his neck and just let the water cascade over us. It's a wonderful sensation to be holding the person you love in the shower. I recommend it highly. We dried each other gently, trying not to get too excited in the process, and half succeeding. We made our way to the bedroom, passing Jason on his way to the bathroom. I said, "Morning, Jase." He winced slightly. "Oh, man. I'm sorry, Jason. I wasn't thinking." "It's okay, Brian. Don't worry. It'll get easier." "You're sure?" "Yeah, I'm sure. I've just been remembering... go ahead and use it." "Okay, Jase. I will." He smiled and walked on. As we dressed, Pete jerked his thumb in Jason's direction and asked, "What's that all about?" "Jeff used to call him Jase. No one has since, I guess." "Oh. I seem to remember someone telling me about that. I didn't know it was such a sore spot." "Hmm. I asked him to write a little bit about himself, did I tell you that? He's been working on it for several weeks now. Said he'd have it for me when we get back from California." "Really? I'd like to read it." "Yeah, me too. I asked Jared to write something also, but he didn't give me an answer." I shrugged. As we got to the room, Pete flashed me a devilish grin and dropped his towel. I hurriedly closed the door as he rummaged through the closet, looking for something to wear, or so I thought. I got some shorts out of the dresser as he presented me with a pair of jeans and flannel shirt. He was choosing my clothing for me! What a turn on! Not to be out done, I went back to the dresser, put my shorts away, and pulled on a pair of his. His jaw dropped as he realized what I was doing. They were a little big around the waist, but not uncomfortably so. I thought it was kind of cool, the way they drooped a bit in the front. Apparently, Pete did too. "I'd wear a pair of yours, but I think they'd cut off my circulation." I shuffled over to him and wrapped my arms around him again. "Oh, man! It's going to be hard to sit still today, knowing you're wearing those." "Don't worry, babe. I'll give them back later." His eyes lit up at the thought. Knowing that I have no fashion sense, Pete wisely chose his own duds, and we finished getting dressed. Finally ready to get going, I was surprised to see that it was about eight-thirty. Time sure flies when you're having fun. It was a good thing we had done most of our packing the night before. We headed downstairs and Kevin tossed us a granola bar. "Here's breakfast. Looks like it's about the same as your lunch'll be." Sometimes Kevin's sense of humor was strange. "You two ready to go shopping? We'll have to go to Macy's or Nordstrom for the suit, Pete. It's more expensive, but we can get one off the rack there that should be acceptable." "As long as it isn't too expensive," I said. Pete just smiled. Well, to make a long story short, we found a suit that fit me, with Kevin helping us. It was charcoal gray. A shirt and a tie (yuck!) were added to it, as well as a pair of shoes. I thought Pete's eyes were going to pop out of his head as he watched me try on my ensemble. He had also chosen an identical suit, differing only in tie color. He looked so hot in that suit. It didn't occur to me at the time, but I later realized that the fact we were wearing identical suits might seem odd to people. Not that I really cared. Not much, anyway. The total amount after everything was put together was slightly over seven hundred dollars. I almost choked when Pete slapped down his credit card to pay for it without hesitation. "Are you sure you can afford this? It's a lot of money to spend on something I'm only going to wear once." "Oh, I think you'll wear it more often than just once. Trust me." His smile did something to relieve my concern, but it was a lot of money. But, if he wanted to spend it, then who was I to tell him different. Besides, I'm sure Kevin would have objected if he were spending more than he should have. By the time we got out of the store, it was time to head for the airport. The drive over was uneventful. Kevin was telling us about the case he was currently working on. Apparently some kid had been thrown out by his parents because he was gay. He had found someone willing to adopt him- which is unusual for an older child, especially a teenager- but the biological mother and father wouldn't relinquish their parental rights so he could be adopted. Kevin said he was close to getting the parents' rights terminated without their consent, and was going to court tomorrow to make the necessary motions. Why he would be telling us this was beyond me, at least for a moment. Then Pete asked, "You mean Ray's parent's don't you?" Kevin gave a guilty grin. "Yeah, I do. I couldn't help but brag a little bit. It's been a long, hard fight. It looks like it still could be. They don't want to give up their meal ticket. But I think I've got them this time. "Do me a favor, guys? Don't tell Ray. I don't want him to get his hopes up. It could go against us, too, depending on what the judge says." "What do you mean, 'meal ticket'?" "Oh. You might remember, Pete, that Ray was given some drugs that stopped a growth spurt?" "Yeah, I remember him mentioning it." "Well, he got a settlement from the doctor that treated him, payable in monthly installments. His parents have been living off that money since it started coming in." "Wow! No wonder they don't want to give him up." I shook my head. "Now I understand." Pete said quietly. "Kind of like Brenda." "Yes, kind of like that." Pete's mom didn't want to give him up because of the inheritance he got from his grandparents. What some people will do for money. We were quiet until we turned off of Interstate Eighty-Four into the airport. Kevin, who had been casting furtive glances at Pete and I in the rear seat, broke the silence. "You know what? I'm going to miss you guys." He paused a moment, then continued, "This is the emptiest our house will have been in over two and a half years, you know that?" "We won't be gone that long, Dad." Kevin smiled. "That's what I mean. I lost a son. As much as I miss him, and this must sound terrible, I wouldn't change what happened if it meant losing you, or Ray. Or Brian, for that matter, even though I'm not his father." "What would Jason say if he heard you say that?" "He said it to Sharon and I the other night. He loves you guys, too." I digested that piece of information over the next ten minutes or so, while Pete and Kevin continued talking. Jason was always full of surprises. Just when I thought I understood him, just when I thought I knew where he stood with everything, I found out differently. Kevin just told me that Jason would rather have Pete and I in his life than his brother Jeff. That didn't seem possible. "Earth to Brian!" We were parked in the garage already, and I hadn't even noticed. "Yeah, yeah." I climbed out of the van, grabbed my suitcase, and followed Kevin and Pete to the elevator. The airport was busy, but not the madhouse I had seen before. We checked in at the counter, dropped off our bags, and took the long walk to our gate. As we passed gate eight, I remembered the confrontation that had occurred on my return trip to California about three months previous. "I knew I knew him from somewhere! You guys remember that fight I almost had here when I went home last time? Well, I just remembered. The kid that smiled at me and got slapped by his dad? That was Eric Mueller! The guy in biology class!" "That means you slammed his brother, Dennis." Pete shook his head. "You sure know how to pick your enemies, Bri." "It's not like I went out of my way to pick a fight or anything. That poor kid. He's being raised by that neo-nazi prick, too." "How do you know they are supremacists?" "The older kid had a swastika tattoo on his arm, Kevin." "Oh. I see." We walked the rest of the way in a troubled silence. If Eric was gay, and his family knew it, I could just imagine the abuse he must suffer at their hands. Stereotypes filled my head. All the ugliness and hate I had heard of and seen in the media scared me, but I hadn't ever really been that concerned because it wasn't in front of me, confronting me. Sure, Eric and I weren't exactly friends, but I sat next to him in biology, and I had seen his brother in school as well, so this was real. "I wonder if there's anything we could do to help him." "Brian," Kevin said sternly, "don't you go getting involved with them. They're dangerous. I don't want you boys in any more danger than you are already in. Even that is too much for me." "Yes, sir. I'll try not to." I meant what I said. The knife incident still had me spooked, even though Pete had been the one confronted with it. Kevin clapped me on the shoulder and squeezed gently, letting me know he understood what I was feeling. We arrived at our gate just as they started boarding. It looked to be a pretty empty flight. We said our goodbyes to Kevin and got seated somewhere toward the back. Our seats were somewhat isolated from the other passengers as they took advantage of the empty plane and moved forward. As we walked down the aisle, I noticed the flight attendant watching us. He was talking to other passengers as well, but his eyes kept coming back to mine. As we approached our row, he spoke. "Hi guys!" "Hello." "My name's Joe. If there's anything I can do for you, let me know." He spoke with a slight southern drawl. Something about his manner made me think he knew we were together, and not just as traveling companions. The way he made eye contact, his grin, everything about him gave me a strange feeling. "Thanks, Joe. We'll do that." Pete, his usual calm, unflappable self, had responded warmly as he put a proprietary hand on my shoulder. I gave him a look as I sat down in the window seat, and he just grinned back and took the middle seat. Joe's smile widened before he went on about his other duties as we sat down and buckled in. "Pete, I think that guy was checking me out!" "He was. And I let him know you were taken. At least, I hope he wouldn't have taken you. You're a little young, you know." I punched him in the shoulder as best I could, as close as we were in those seats. Looking forward, I took another glance at Joe. In his mid- to late-twenties, he stood about six-one, weighed about one-seventy or so. Short curly brown hair with blond highlights. Yeah, he was really nice to look at. Joe caught my eye again and smiled. I shrunk into my seat, blushing like crazy. "He caught you checking him out, huh?" Pete was enjoying my embarrassment. I glared at him, and then broke into a sheepish grin. "Yeah. He looks good enough, I guess." "Good enough? I think he's hot!" "You do?" "Yeah, and I bet he's gay, too." I snorted. "Maybe that's why I was getting that weird vibe off him." "Really?" "Yeah, like he knew we're together." "Could be. Gaydar works, you know." "Really? I don't have it." "I do, a little. He might." "Could be." They had closed the front door and were going through the safety routine as the plane was pushed back. Joe was handling the rear of the cabin, apparently, and it looked like there were about twenty passengers total on the flight. As he walked back to his seat for take-off, Joe again gave us a smile as he passed. I wasn't sure whether to be flattered, or frightened. At last the plane took off. I watched the ground drop away beneath us and disappear beneath the low clouds that dominated the Oregon sky. Shortly, we broke out of the gray nothingness into brilliant sunlight. Mount Hood's peek floated above the carpet of cotton, majestic in the winter morning sun, with a backdrop of deep blue sky. It was beautiful. About the same time we came above the clouds, I heard Joe rummaging around in the aft galley, preparing the cart for service. In short order, he and his partner wheeled it out and stopped next to us. "What can I get ya?" he said as he handed Pete his peanuts. "Orange juice, please." "And you?" Joe was giving me the eye again. "O-orange juice." Joe winked. He actually winked! "Gotcha." He tossed me my peanuts, which I barely held on to, and went about getting us our drinks. Why was this guy freaking me out so bad? He handed Pete his OJ, which Pete then passed to me, and took the second glass for himself. "Be back in a flash!" Joe and his partner moved on. "He's really making me nervous, Pete." "I can tell. Why?" "I don't know. He's, like, leering at me. I feel like a show dog." Pete chuckled. "You don't look like a dog, but you are nice to look at." I blushed again. "I'm serious!" "So am I. You're very nice to look at. If he makes you that nervous, I'll tell him to back off." "Don't do that! What if it's my imagination?" "It's not. I see him doing the same thing." "Then why aren't you upset or something?" "Two reasons. First, I know I don't have anything to worry about. And second, I like to show off my trophy boyfriend." He flashed me a smile that melted my heart, and I leaned over to rest my head on his shoulder. "Trophy boyfriend, huh?" "Yup." "Is that all I am to you? A trophy?" He grinned without saying a word. Instead, he kissed me on the lips. "You're so much more than just a trophy." "Ahem!" Looking over Pete's shoulder, I saw a man in his mid forties, with an extremely disapproving scowl on his face. "You boys a couple of fags?" I was immediately furious. "What business is it of yours, old man?" "Brian... take it easy," Pete whispered. "Obviously your father didn't do a very good job of turning you into a man." "Neither did yours." "He's not worth it." Pete was still trying to get me to calm down, but I wasn't hearing him. "If he had raised you in the Lord's ways, you'd know that all fags burn in hell." "I'm sure your father is very proud of the bigot he has for a son. I hope he doesn't know the truth about you; it would probably kill him. As for God, the God I know is a loving God, and teaches me to love my neighbor. How about yours?" The man's face turned pink, then scarlet, and then purple. "It's your kind that..." "Is there a problem here?" Joe had interrupted the man with a hand on the shoulder. "No," I said, "No problem. This, uh, gentleman was just telling us about what a good job his father did turning him into a man, and what a loving god he worships." "You little prick!" "Sir, I must insist you return to your seat. Now." After glaring daggers my way for a few more seconds, he shrugged off Joe's hand angrily and went back to his seat in the front of the plane. "You guys okay?" "I guess. I'm just pissed off." "I saw him arguing with you and I just knew something was up." "Thanks for coming back. I guess we owe you one." "Nah, just doing my job. I'll be back in a few." Joe went back to finish his rounds. I however, was still stewing in my own juices. Pete held my hand as I became more and more agitated. Why did people have to interfere in other people's lives? I mean, what business is it of theirs who I love, who I sleep with? I'm not hurting them. And I don't see people getting upset when boys and girls our age kiss in public. Why should they get upset when I kiss Pete? Another thing that bothered me was why so-called Christians, who claim to worship a god of love, are so filled with hate. I know that not all people are like that, but those that are give the whole of Christianity a bad name. "Brian, you're working yourself up. Relax, babe. He's not worth it." I took a few deep breaths, and let the last out as a sigh. "I know. I just get so frustrated." "Me too. But it doesn't really matter what he said, because we're still sitting here together, I'm still holding your hand. And I'm still going to give you this kiss." And kiss me he did. "Hey you two, save it for the bedroom, or the lavatory, whichever you prefer." Joe again. He was returning the cart to the galley. His partner, a woman in her thirties, gave us a kindly, sympathetic smile. "That guy scare you," she asked? "No, just made my boyfriend angry, is all." I don't know who was more shocked at Pete's use of the word "boyfriend", her or me. I didn't expect him to say it, I guess. She just smiled, though, and continued on her way. "I can't believe you said that?" "Why?" "It's just, well, we're in public!" "So? It's safe here. Like I said," and Pete grinned, "I like to show off my trophy boyfriend." Again, I leaned into him, finally raising the seat arm and loosening my seatbelt so we could get closer. About five minutes later, Joe stood over us again. "I'm sorry you guys had to deal with that ass. You should be more careful, though. You never know might be a homophobe." "You gay?" If he was taken off guard by my question, he didn't show it. "No, I'm Bi, actually. You?" "Uh, yeah." "Me too," Pete added. "It's cool. Diane said she'd cover the cabin so I could talk to you guys. How long have you been together?" "This time? A little under three months." "This time?" Pete gave an abbreviated version of our story to him, which took about twenty minutes to tell. Joe asked some questions, and made some comments. He turned out to be a very nice guy. He even apologized to me for freaking me out, saying that we were both cute, and if we were a couple years older, he'd really have hit on us. Of course, I don't know how serious he was, because he was grinning the whole time. The plane started into it's decent. We exchanged e-mail addresses before Joe had to go back to work preparing for landing. After the plane had arrived, Joe escorted us off the plane. "I hope you two can stick together. You're a couple of good-looking guys, and you make a cute pair. And don't worry about that old blowhard. Just be careful, and you'll be fine, okay?" "Thanks again, Joe. Take it easy." "I'll take it any way I can, Pete." He grinned at us as he turned us over to my parents. "You have a good looking kid. Seems to have his head on his shoulders straight." "They both do," said my father, smiling. "Keep it together, guys. See ya, next time." "Bye, Joe," we chorused. Yeah, he turned out to be a good guy. "Hello, Brian." "Hi, Mom." I hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry." "I know, baby, but it's for the best. She was so uncomfortable." She released me and I turned to my father, who had just let go of Pete. "I'm sorry, Dad. Dad pulled me into his embrace. "Me too." He squeezed me tight. "I missed you, son." He appeared to be holding together pretty well, but I could see the stress in his face. "I missed you too." I surprised myself with that statement. It was still a reflex to hate my parents, but I really had missed them. Our reconciliation was real, or at least I believed it to be. Mom and Dad seemed genuine in their claim to have missed me. Well, boys," Mom said, "Let's get your luggage and get you home." We walked to the baggage claim, Mom and Dad talking to Pete about various things as we went. I watched them as they spoke, looking for signs of stress that might give away how they were feeling, or betray something they were trying to hide. I guess you could say I am a bit paranoid, but I think I have good reason. When we got home, the first thing I noticed was the peculiar smell the house had. A sour odor seemed to permeate the air, laced with an antiseptic tinge. I saw my grandfather sitting on the couch with his back to me. He didn't move as we came in the room. I wasn't sure how he would react to me either. We hadn't really talked all that much since he found out I was gay. "Hi, Gramp." He didn't move. I walked around the couch to face him. "Hi." "Hello, Ben. My, you've grown." I looked at my mom and saw her motion me to be patient. I didn't realize how far my grandfather had gone mentally. "I'm Brian, Grampa." "Brian? Oh, Brian. Look at you. You're all grown up! Haven't seen you around in awhile." "I know. I've been in Portland." "He's going to school up there, Dad. Remember?" My father had cut in, trying to get Grampa on track. "School? Oh, yes. I remember now. He's living up there with that Jameson boy. Are you still queer, Brian?" I swallowed hard as my face flushed, my jaw tight. I looked to Dad for reassurance and direction. He saved me from saying something that I might regret. "They're tired from their trip, Dad. Why don't you boys go put your things in Brian's room. Dad, would you like something for lunch?" Pete and I escaped to my old room, which was still bare from me packing it last time I was home. I got some sheets and blankets from the hall closet and tossed them on my single bed. We'd be sleeping on the floor of my small room, so I shifted some boxes around to give us more space, and then went hunting for the double wide air mattress I knew my parents had. I found it in the garage in a box labeled "Camping Gear," along with a bellows pump to inflate it. Mom watched me trudge from the garage through the kitchen with a thoughtful look. I think she was deciding how she felt about Pete and I sleeping in the same room. Like it would be the first time for that! Pete had hung our suits in the nearly empty closet. I put down the mattress and hooked up the pump, which I began to stomp on furiously. First my grandfather confused me with my dad, and then in the next breath asks me if I'm still gay! I don't understand why it's such a big deal! "Are you okay, Bri?" "Oh, fine. Just ducky." "Don't let him get to you." "Too late." "Brian, come here." I continued pumping hard, still raging inside. "Come here!" Pete took hold of my shoulders and yanked me to stand in front of him. I glared at him defiantly, to which he responded with a wry grin. "Pissed off at me too?" I sighed. "No. I guess I'm just pissed off in general." "Better pissed off than pissed on," he said with a smile. "What's making you angry? And I know your grandfather is one thing, so we can skip over him." Pete pulled me down onto the floor to sit next to him. "I'm angry at my grandmother for having the stroke, and I'm angry at my parents for not moving up to Portland. I'm angry with my grandmother for dying. I'm mad at my grandfather for treating me like I have a disease. I'm pissed that..." "You're pissed that you aren't in control of your life." "No, that's not it. Well, that's part of it. I'm pissed off that other people can have such an influence on my life. Mom and Dad were coming to Portland, then they're not." Tears started to form. I ignored them the best I could, but it was hard to ignore the catch in my voice. "Gramma is fine, then she's not. Grampa is losing his mind, and I don't know what to do." I collapsed against my boyfriend, crying in frustration and anger. "I don't know what to do, Pete. I just don't know what to do...." The sobs finally took over. A polite knock on the door came as I was crying into Pete's chest. The door opened. "Is everything all right?" My dad's voice. "It will be, Mr. Kellam," Pete said as he gently rocked me, "It will be." If Dad made a response, I didn't hear it. All I remember is the door closing behind him. * * * * * Some time later, another knock at the door sounded. "Brian? Pete? Dinner will be ready soon. Get washed up." Mom. "Okay, we'll be out in a second." Pete and I had been talking about memories we shared with my grandparents, funny things we had done, things they had done with us, the home baked pies and the raids on the garden. I told Pete the things I cherished from my early childhood, and the things I cherished from my early friendship with him before that fateful week. He had helped me to realize I had more good things to remember than bad, and that this was how I should remember my grandparents. Even though he wasn't dead and buried, the grandfather I knew and loved was gone just as surely as my grandmother had passed on, and I should mourn him, too; mourn the passing of the grandparents of my childhood. Pete took some time and told me of his grandparents as well. The kind of people they were, the love they showed, their insight and wisdom. I wish I could have met those people. In the end, we hugged tightly, and I reached up to kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you for listening. I really needed to do that. How did you know?" "Jason did the same thing for me when I lost my grandparents. I've been trying to get you to talk about it since you found out. It just happened than now was the right time, Bri." "I love you, you know that?" "I love you, too. We better get to the table." "We're probably eating on TV trays. You know that." "We'll see," he said, as he stood, lifting me from the floor with a grunt. "You're growing, you know that? You're getting fat!" I nodded sarcastically, "Yeah, that's it. I guess puberty finally caught up to me. It's about time." He chuckled as I opened the door. "Doesn't matter to me. I'll take you any way I can get you." I cast a loving glance over my shoulder as we walked into the living room. Much to my surprise, the table in the dining room was set. My family didn't usually eat at the table unless it was a family gathering or a special occasion. I guess it was a sort of family gathering, seeing as I had been away from home for three months. Grampa was already at the table, staring blankly forward. Dawn was sitting at her customary place, but she wasn't her usual boisterous self, rather she was subdued. Dad sat at the head of the table as Pete and I took our places across from Dawn and my mother. It was like someone had signaled us to begin. Everyone except Grampa reached for the food in the same instant. Fortunately, nothing was spilled in the little tug-of-war Pete had with Dawn over the potatoes. Dawn won, by the way. In short order, everyone had dished up their food and was chowing down. Everyone except Grampa, who sat like a lump staring at nothing. Suddenly, my usually voracious appetite was gone. I moved the food around on my plate and ate a few more bites, but I couldn't eat even half of what I had put on my plate. "Aren't you hungry, Brian?" "I kind of lost my appetite, Mom." I nodded toward my grandfather. "Sorry." She sighed and looked at my Dad. "Ben, we're going to have to do something. He's only getting worse." Dad gazed sadly at his father. "I know. I don't know what to do, though. Do we put him in a retirement home? Do we try to keep him at home? We can't afford much." "I know, but we'll see what we can afford and do the best we can." Pete cleared his throat. "I may have a suggestion. Is there any reason you can't move to Portland? Is there anything holding you here?" "Pete, we couldn't possibly afford- are you saying we can still use the house?" "Of course you can. It's just sitting vacant right now. And since you won't be paying anything other than upkeep, it will open up your options to take care of your dad, Mr. Kellam." "Are you absolutely sure that you want to do this, that you don't want the place for yourself?" "Not for several years, anyway. I like it where I am." He looked at me. "Where we are. We can discuss that some other time. Right now, I want you to know that the place is available to you. It has been since I first made the offer." Dad's expression was a combination of disbelief and wry humor. "Are you adopting us, Pete?" "Why not? You're family, right? You are my boyfriends parents, and family is supposed to look out for each other. I only ask one thing in return." "What's that?" "Don't ever try to separate Brian from me." There was quiet for a moment as my parents glanced at each other. Dawn was studiously cleaning her plate, pretending to ignore the conversation going on around her. "We'll talk about that later. Now, Brian, don't get in a tizzy fit. We have no intention of trying to split you guys up, but this subject should be discussed privately." Mom looked pointedly at Dawn, who blushed abashedly. "I never get to listen to the juicy things," she pouted. "Dawn, this is just none of your business." Mom gave her "The Look" for a few seconds until Dawn looked away. I could understand her curiosity, but I was really glad that my parents were not going to let her eavesdrop on our conversation. She didn't need to hear what might have to be said, if Pete and I had to fight to stay together. Dinner continued, and conversation took a lighter track. I told them about what I'd been doing at school, being removed from the wrestling squad, talking to Will. I didn't want to go into detail about what he and I had talked about, though, because I had said some things that would hurt a lot of people. Fortunately, no one pressed me about it except Dawn, and I just told her to mind her own business. Grampa didn't move at all until Mom fixed him a plate, and then he ate mechanically, barely chewing. He had this weird distant look; something I had heard called the Thousand-Yard Stare. Instead of looking at something, he looked through it. Watching him move food from his plate to his mouth, without any indication of emotion, ripped me apart. It was all I could do not to break down right there at the table. After dinner, we went our separate ways. The funeral was at ten the next morning, and everyone needed some time alone to think. Everyone that is, except Dawn. She knocked on the door as Pete and I were just getting ready to crash for the night. We had been talking more about what I was going through, and what he went through when he lost his grandparents. My eyes were still red and puffy when she came in. "Are you okay, Brian? You're eyes are red." "Yeah, I'm fine. Just been crying a little bit." "You crying?" "Yeah, I cry. I cry a lot." "Boy's aren't supposed to cry." Pete surprised me with his vehement reply. "Dawn, you're old enough to know that is such bullshit. There's nothing wrong with crying. It's not a sign of weakness, or being a sissy, or whatever you want to call it. It takes a strong person to allow their feeling through, to show them. Brian has gone through so much already." She snorted. "He has. Do you have a boyfriend?" "No." "Well, until you do, you won't be able to understand what he went through anymore than we can understand what it's like to have a period." "Eww, gross!" "But do you get my point?" "I think so. Do you guys really love each other, I mean, like boyfriends?" I nodded. "I have for years. Ever since I saw Pete for the first time." "Really?" Pete and Dawn both looked surprised. "Really. I just didn't admit it to myself until you told me you felt the same." "You never told me that, Bri." "It didn't really come up. But I did." He put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed. "Do you guys, you know, have sex?" We looked at each other. Did we really want to get into this with Dawn? "Aw, Come on! No one tells me anything." "What would Mom and Dad say if you asked them that question?" "I wouldn't ever ask them." "But what if you did?" "They'd tell me it's none of my business." She pouted. "Just like you're going to." I glanced at Pete and he gave me a slight shrug. "Yes, we 'have sex', but it's not just about that. I like being with Pete. He makes me happy. He helps me." "And I like being with Brian, for the same reasons. We enjoy doing things together. And I prefer 'making love' to 'having sex,' Dawn. There is a definite difference." "How do you do it?" "That," I interrupted, "is none of your business. What we do alone in our bedroom is no ones business but ours." "Do you..." "Don't even go there, Dawn. I'm not answering, and that's that." She sighed expansively. "Okay...." "We had a long day, and we'd like to go to sleep, if you don't mind." "Yeah, I'm tired too. G'night." "Night, Dawn." "Night, sis." She closed the door behind her. "Whew. That was close." Pete said, "It's only natural that she'd be curious. We are probably her first exposure to gay people besides Danny, and she'd never ask him the questions she was going to ask us." "Yeah, but I don't want her to know about our love life. Who knows who'd she tell." A thought struck me. "Be right back." I jumped up, opened the door, and knocked at Dawns room. I opened the door automatically, catching her as she jumped into her bed. "Hey! You could have waited until I said come in!" "Never mind that. Have you told anyone that I'm- we're- gay?" Her hunted look told me what I needed to know. "Who?" "I didn't tell anyone." "Don't lie to me about this! Who- did- you- tell?" "A couple of my friends." She was still avoiding answering the question. "You don't understand. Some people hate who Pete and I are. You hear the talk about 'fags' and 'homo's' don't you? Some people will go out of their way to try and hurt us. I need to know who you told." At last comprehension dawned on her face. "I told Darlene and Stacy." Great. Both of them had older brothers. And since neither of them could keep their mouths shut, I was sure their brothers knew, and that meant it would be all over school. Dawn saw my expression. "I didn't think it would hurt anything. No one ever asked me how I feel about you being gay. I needed to talk to someone." "It's okay, Dawn. It's okay. Has anyone said anything to you about me? About you having a gay brother?" "Just a couple of boys. They kept telling me how they couldn't believe an awesome wrestler like you could be gay. One of them said if you were here, his brother would kick your ass." "Who?" "Mike. His brother is..." "Randy. I know. Good night, Dawn. See ya' in the morning." "Brian?" I stopped at the door and looked back. "Yeah?" "You aren't going to get hurt, are you?" "I hope not. I'm not going to go to school like I planned, though." "I'm sorry." "It's okay. You didn't know. Night." "Brian?" "Yes, Dawn?" "I miss you." "I miss you, too. Now get some sleep." "Night." I returned to bed to find Pete settled in, already dozing. Laying down next to him, I snuggled in close. "Everything all right?" "I don't know. I think we've been outed at school here. I wanted to go and see my coach and stuff, but I don't think I will now." "Why not?" "It's... I don't want to deal with everyone's homophobia. I have enough to deal with." "If you want to go, I'll go with you." "Thanks, babe. We'll see." I settled in, laying on my side with my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. I was asleep in no time. * * * * * I awoke to the sound of someone screaming, my heart pounding, my breathing ragged. Sitting up, I listened to the night noises, trying to detect the cause of my alarm, to no avail. I got up, put on my sweats, and went into the front room. Glancing at the microwave clock in the kitchen, I saw it was three in the morning. I was wide-awake with my adrenaline flowing. After finding my running shoes, I wrote a note on the white board letting them what was going on. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep after awakening like that, so I did what came naturally: I went running. Surprisingly, my injuries didn't really hurt me, but I'd take it easy none-the-less. The air was thick and heavy with fog. Fortunately, I had brought the strobes I wear when running in the dark. I took off toward the school, about a mile away. If I made a complete circuit, I could get in a couple miles at the track before coming home, more if I wanted to. One thing I can do when running is blank my mind. It's the only time I can do it, really. That's one reason I go running when I'm stressed. I can escape for a little bit. Or, if I need to, I can concentrate on a problem and get some serious thinking done. That morning, I did both. I started out concentrating on my breathing and stride until I was warm, and then blanked out for a while. I don't really remember getting to the track, but that's not too unusual for me. When I did get to the track, I put my mind to work on figuring out what had awoken me in the first place. I didn't remember having a dream, and no one had screamed, so I knew I had woke myself up somehow. The obvious answer was I had had a nightmare, but I couldn't for the life of me remember anything about it. What was it I was so afraid of? Well, I was afraid of disappointing Pete, but that wasn't an issue at the moment. I was afraid of being separated from him, but again, that wasn't an issue. Then it hit me. I was afraid of what people here thought about me now they knew I was gay. I picked up my pace a little bit as I thought. Why should I be afraid? They can't do anything to me now. Why should I care what they think? The only people that mattered were Pete, the Pattersons, and my family. Why then am I upset? Will talked about fitting in during one of our sessions. What did he say? Something to the effect that a large part of a teen's self esteem is generated from what he feels his peers think of him. Did it really matter that much to me what they thought? I didn't think so. I began to argue with myself. "Do I miss not having friends?" "Well, yeah, but Pete makes up for a lot." "Does it matter what Pete thinks?" "Damn straight!" "And what does he think?" "He loves me." "But what does he think?" "He thinks I am smart, good looking..." "But is he just saying that, or does he mean it." "Shut up. Of course he means it." "How can you be sure?" "I'm as sure as I can be." "What if he's just with you until someone better comes along?" "He's not. He wants to be with me. He says so all the time." "He says so. Are you sure that is true?" "Shut up." I continued going back and forth like this for about two miles, and got nowhere. The only thing I accomplished was making myself feel like shit. I took off for home, going the long way around, through town. It was a two-mile return trip that way with some hills. Not much had changed in the few months I had been gone. The place was abandoned at this time of morning. The only moving thing I saw was a police car. A few moments later, that same car pulled up along side of me, keeping pace. "Everything all right?" "Yeah, just out for a run." "You sure?" "Yeah. I couldn't sleep." "Well, be careful." "I will. Thanks, officer." "You're the Kellam boy, aren't you?" I stopped in my tracks, and the car came to a halt. "Yes, I'm Brian Kellam." "Uh huh. I thought so. Dan Trask has nothing but good to say about you, Brian. I hope you and your friend have a good life together. You deserve it." "Um, Th- thank you. Can I ask a question?" "Sure. Shoot." "How did you find out? I mean, about me and my friend?" "I heard some rumors from my kids, and I knew you had lived with Dan for a while. I asked him and he told me. Brian, I'm not a homophobe. I know several people that are gay. Dan trusted me enough to tell me, and if you know Dan like I know him, you know he wouldn't have said a word if he didn't trust me. And now you can trust me not to say anything either." My anger was evident. Danny had betrayed me. He outed me to a complete stranger. God, would the betrayals never end? "Before you go off half-cocked, Brian, you should know that it is general knowledge that you are gay. Rumors started and spread like wildfire through the schools. I already knew the answer before I asked Dan to confirm it." I sighed, my rage melting away. So much for that. I guess I couldn't hide from it anymore. "Thanks for the information." "You bet. Take care." "Bye." By the time I made it home, my butt was starting to hurt. It was about four-fifteen, and all the lights were still out, not that I expected anyone to be up that early. I quietly entered and got a glass of ice water from the kitchen. "Have a good run, baby?" Pete startled me a bit, making me jump and almost drop the glass in my hand. I juggled it twice before I caught it. Lucky for me I had finished the water and was getting another, or I'd've had a big mess to clean up. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" He put his arms around me and kissed my cold nose. God he was beautiful, even if he still looked half asleep. "Sorry. I thought you heard me get up. I was on the couch." "Didn't hear a thing. Yeah, I had a decent run. Didn't make much progress, though." "Huh?" "Never mind. It's not important right now." I put the glass down and sank into his arms. "I talked to one of Danny's co-workers. Everyone in town knows I'm gay. I don't know about you though. Probably a good bet they know about you too." "So?" I looked up at him. "So? Is that all you have to say?" "No, but that's how I feel." "It's different for you, Pete. You didn't grow up here." "True, but everyone knew me before. I still don't care that they know. I want the whole world to know who I love." "I love you, too. I'm just freaked out." "Why?" "Like I said. Everyone who knows me knows I'm gay. All those comments people made suddenly take on a whole new meaning." "It's no different up in Oregon." "But I really don't know many people up there! And those new people I will meet already know I'm gay." "I think I see. You are afraid that people will treat you differently now that they know." I thought for a second, furrowing my brow. "Yes. I think that's it... but there's more to it. I don't know. Everything has changed." "For the better, I hope?" "Tell me again why you love me?" He pulled me gently into him, and it was then I noticed for the first time he was just wearing his shorts and a T-shirt. "Aren't you cold?" "No, I've got you to keep me warm. Why do I love you? Where do you want me to start? There's so many reasons. You're sensitive, and you're strong. You're funny, and you're serious. You're way cute. You're a great lover. Want me to continue?" "Pete, I really want to believe you. In my head, I do believe you. It's in my heart that... I feel like I'm not good enough for you." "You are good enough for me. I want to be with you, not someone else. And I will beat that into your heart, one way or another. You are good enough. You are a good, caring person. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. You've had a hard time, and you're recovering." "I'm dragging you down." "No, I'm lifting you up. Relative motion. It just looks like I'm coming down." A short laugh escaped my lips. "See? Bringing you up again. And if I want to roll in the gutter with you, who cares? We're partners. We work together through everything." Another long sigh. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Sorry." "Don't be. That's why I'm here, to help you when you need it. You've been here to help me too, remember." I pulled away slightly and looked in his eyes, which appeared gray in the faint light of the street lamp. "I love you." "I know," he said, and pulled me tightly to him once more. * * * * * "What are you boys doing out here?" Dad's voice brought me out of the deep sleep Pete's presence had put me in. He stirred next to me, but didn't wake. "I couldn't sleep last night, so I went for a run. Pete must have woke up sometime while I was gone and came out here. We just didn't go back in my room." "Anything wrong?" "Dawn outed us." "We were afraid that was how it happened." "And you didn't think it important to tell me this?" My heated tone left no doubt I was angry. Dad's placating gesture infuriated me even more. Pete stirred restlessly beside me. "To what purpose? It didn't affect you while you were in Portland. We were going to tell you today sometime, before you got a chance to go to the school or see anyone." I still felt angry, like they had deliberately withheld this information, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized he was right. "Okay. Is there anything else I should know? "Yes. You're going to be a pallbearer. Do you know what that means?" "I have to carry the casket." My dad nodded. "Are you okay with doing this?" "I guess. She didn't really like me, you know." "She loved you, Brian. That never changed." "Funny way of showing it." Dad looked thoughtful for a moment, and then spoke again. "Do you understand how a parent can be furious with a child but still love them?" "Yeah, I understand that." "That was how your grandmother felt about you, Brian. She didn't understand your feelings, and why you are the way you are. She was angry because she didn't understand. But she never stopped loving you." He stood and went into the kitchen to make coffee. I realized that he left so abruptly because he didn't want me to see him cry. I got up and followed him into the kitchen. "Dad?" He cleared his throat, and said in a husky voice, "What, son?" Stepping around to his side, I put a hand on his shoulder, and squeezed gently. He looked at me, tears running down his cheeks. "I miss her, too." He turned and engulfed me in his arms, hugging me tightly. Then something happened I never expected. My father broke down, and cried in my arms. * * * * * By the time everyone else was up, Dad had regained control. We were sitting in the dining room sharing tales of life with Gramma. Mom was the first to join us, followed by Pete, then Dawn. We had a continental-style breakfast, which my grandfather joined in. We told stories and laughed, until it was time to get ready for the service. Pete had already laid out our suits and things for us on my bed. I still didn't know how to tie a tie, so Pete had to do that for me. As he worked on the knot, he asked, "How are you doing, Brian?" "Okay, I guess. Dad and I had a good hour-long talk while you were sleeping. He helped me to understand some things." He flipped the tie into my face purposely, causing me to giggle. "He also made me think about all the wasted time we've spent being angry with each other." Pete nodded in agreement as he tucked the tie through and straightened it out. "There. All done." "Thanks." After a few moments of silence, I continued. "He also made me think of the time I wasted with you, Pete." "It's over and done with, Bri. We have our whole lives together now. I'm not going anywhere without you." He smiled slightly as he wiped away a lone tear on my cheek. "I'm not going anywhere." Nine-thirty rolled around. Pete and I were in our matching suits. When we appeared, Mom and Dad looked impressed. If the circumstances hadn't been so somber, they might have made some sort of twin joke. As it was, they just said we looked very handsome together. The service was to be graveside only. It's what my grandmother wanted. Grampa was moving around more or less on his own that day, which was good. I remember hoping that he would get back to his old self. We arrived at the cemetery just before the hearse. Dad took the head of the casket, and I the position behind him. We placed it on the platform over the plot, and took our seats in the front row. I was gratified to see Pete sitting in the front with us, and I took the seat next to him. Dawn was on the other side of me, next to Mom and Dad. Dad had tears in his eyes, as did Grampa next to him. Mom was dry eyed, but obviously sad. Dawn was crying and leaning into Mom for support. Me? I held Pete's hand through the entire service, and didn't cry a drop. I had made my peace earlier, with my father in the kitchen. Be that as it may, I can't to this day recall a single word the minister said over my grandmother. What I do remember was the smell of the salt air, with the promise of more rain on the way. A few remaining birds were singing. There had been a break in the cloud cover during the service, allowing the sun to fall on us toward the end. In the distance, we could see another break in the clouds, and the sun was reflecting off the falling rain. It was beautiful. At last, it was over. My grandfather and my father were crying on each other's shoulders. Dawn was crying with my mom. Pete and I walked up to the pastor, and I paid him as my father had instructed me to. We walked hand-in-hand to the top of a hill a short distance away. As we looked out over the countryside, Pete hugged me. "You okay, babe?" "Yup. Just wishing I'd been able to say goodbye." The wind began to gust a bit, heralding the rain we had seen in the distance. "Tell her good bye now. She can still hear you." I looked up at him for a moment, then rested my head on his shoulder. Goodbye, Gramma. I'm sorry for everything. I love you, and I miss you. As I finished my thought, the sun burst through for a final time before the rain began, as if in benediction. A feeling of peace came over me, and I was sure my prayer had been heard. I raised my head and kissed Pete's cheek, before we walked , arm in arm, down the hill and to our family. ===0=== Constructive criticism and comments gladly accepted. Please e-mail me at dewey2k@yahoo.com Please visit my website: http://members.tripod.com/dewey.ftlop/ Newest chapters are always posted there well ahead of Nifty. I'd like to invite you to join a list that will notify you of new chapters being released for "Pete". To subscribe, you can write to: DeweyWriter-subscribe@topica.com After you send or fill out a join request you will be sent a verification request, to which you will have to reply in order to complete the join process.