Date: Sun, 15 Oct 2000 20:15:20 -0700 (PDT) From: Dewey Subject: For the love of Pete Chapter 21 This story is a work of erotic fiction involving teenage boys partially based on real people and events. Names have been changed to protect the guilty as well as the innocent. All the usual rules apply. If you shouldn't be reading this now, then don't continue on. I have a website! It is a work in progress, but it's there nonetheless! http://members.tripod.com/dewey.ftlop/ All the chapters are posted there, and new chapters will be also. Copyright Notice - Copyright (c) October 2000 by Dewey. This story is copyrighted by the author and the author retains all rights. This work may not be duplicated in any form, physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise without the authors expressed permission. All applicable copyright laws apply. For the Love of Pete Chapter Twenty-One Shock, anguish, and denial were the first things that ran through my head. I had handed my life over to my parents and then they destroy me. Tears clouded my vision, my throat had tightened to the point of being unable to breathe, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I couldn't have bolted out of the room if I wanted to. My legs were shaking so badly they wouldn't have held me to stand, much less run. All of these reactions were instantaneous. I turned to Pete, mouthing words but not speaking, when Mom interrupted the scene. "For God's sake boys, don't go off the deep end. It's only for a week!" I turned back to Mom, extreme shock evident on my face. "Wha- wha- what did you say?" She smiled. "I said it's only for a week, Brian. You'll be back up here next Monday to start school. We need you to get your things together so you'll be prepared , and we need you to pack your room for the move. Pete, you'll still allow us to live in your house, right?" All Pete could do is nod. "I ran into an old friend today," Dad said, "who happens to own a shipping company. He needs a floor manager. I need a job. It's not much different than what I do now, and it's really a promotion." He smiled. "Oh, close your mouths. You're going to catch flies." We suddenly realized our jaws were in our laps, and closed them with a click of our teeth. I still couldn't believe what I had heard. We were moving up to Portland. We were moving to PORTLAND! "Um," Pete started to ask a question, but fell silent. "Yes, son?" My dad. "Uh, well, what does this mean for us. For Brian and me?" An amused expression crossed Dad's face. "It means, you silly love-struck boy, that you and Brian are going to be able to stay together. We'll work out details later, like school nights and such, but for now, until we finally get everything squared away and moved, Brian will be living here. Kevin and Sharon said they were happy to have another boy in the house." His expression turned serious. "For the record, we don't approve of you two having... er... engaging in intercourse. I won't question you, or spy on you. I trust that you two will honor our request, and if you do decide to have intercourse, you won't do it in our home. Secondly, we want you two to be safe. Were going to get cell phones and pagers for each of you so we can contact you. Thirdly, and most importantly, we want you boys to know," He stood and moved behind Mom, putting his arms around her, "that you have our blessing. We may not understand it, but we can't deny the love you two have for each other, and we can't deny either of you the chance to share that love." Pete and I got out of the chairs as one, and embraced Mom and Dad in a group hug, and then Pete and I embraced and kissed, which brought up the next question. "What about Dawn?" "What about her?" "Do you expect us to hide everything from her?" "Oh, I see." Dad scratched his chin while Mom answered. "We'll explain things to Dawn. As far as what you can and can't do around her, we think it fair that you limit yourselves to what you see us do. A hug, a kiss, holding hands, these kinds of things are fine with us. What we don't want to see is a deep kiss, groping, feeling up, and most definitely not nakedness. You can act as a couple in our house, as long as you use discretion." Pete responded before I could. "Cool! We can live with that. Right, Bri?" "Yeah, I think so." "Good. Now, we most likely won't be back up here until the middle of December. We have to arrange for the move, pack, and get Dawn out of school. Your mom has to give her two weeks. We are taking our time and making sure everything is done." "Danny?" "Brian, he has his own life, and needs to do what is best for him. You can't expect him to pick up and move just because we are." I was leaving Danny behind. He meant more to me than they realized. I hated the thought of losing him like this, of leaving him alone, lonely. I dropped my eyes in shame. "He'll be fine, Brian. He's a big boy." I nodded, but my heart wasn't in it. I felt terrible. "Anything else?" Mom looked at us expectantly, waiting for what I don't know. Her eyes went to mine and bored into me. "Brian, aren't you happy you and Pete can be together?" "Of course I am. I was just thinking about Danny." He gaze sharpened. "Is that all it is? That there isn't something more?" I shook my head. She knew better, but didn't press the issue. "Okay then, I guess that's it. Our flight leaves at eight-thirty. You'll have to be packed by six-thirty. We'll pick you up then." They shooed us off, and followed us downstairs. Jason and Ray sat on the couch nervously, and looked at Pete, eagerly awaiting the news of our fate. A huge sigh resounded as Pete gave the thumbs up, and they sank back into the sofa, relief obvious on their faces. The next couple hours were a blur to me. Sharon fed us. Jason, Ray, and Pete were trading good-natured insults and talking about school. I was brooding. This should be the happiest day of my life. I had found love, had that love recognized by my parents, I even had their support. Why then was I so damn depressed? Why couldn't I feel the joy staying with Pete should elicit? I could certainly feel the pain of separation and the anxiety from the unknown. But why no joy? Pete helped me pack in silence. Neither of us said a word, me because I was concerned about my lack of feeling, Pete because he was worried about me. He stopped me mid- motion as I was placing my shirts in the suitcase. Physically turning me to face him, Pete said, "Bri, what's wrong? Why so sad? You'll be back here in my arms next Sunday." I hugged him to me, so hard I thought I heard his back pop. "I know. I love you so much. I just can't stop worrying about stuff." "What stuff?" "You know how you felt when Mom and Dad told us I would be able to stay with you? I didn't feel that way. I didn't feel happy. All I felt was relief. I'm worried that I'll never feel happiness. That I'll bring you down. That you'll be unhappy because of me." "Brian, I told you that you would get help. You will. When you come back, let's sit down with Sharon and see what she has to say about it. You will get better. She has helped me so much already. And she'll help you. "Don't think that I could ever be unhappy being near you. We'll get angry at each other, what couple doesn't? But we'll be happy together." I sighed and leaned into him, taking Pete by surprise. He had to take a step back to support my weight. I looked up at his beautiful face, memorizing each detail. The curve of his lips as he grinned, the controlled chaos of his hair, the light in his eyes. He leaned down and kissed me gently on the forehead. I recovered my balance, stood upright, and kissed him full on the lips, my tongue leading the way. He responded. I heard Mom clear her throat behind me, but I didn't care. Our kiss went on and on, finally ending in a lingering kiss, lips barely touching, until we finally lost contact. "I have to go." "I know. It's only for a week. What's that compared to three years?" "Longer than I care to think about, babe." Pete smiled. "Let's get down there before your mom thinks we are making out." "Weren't we? If not, I think we're doing something wrong." Pete laughed and threw his arm around my shoulder, guiding me out of his room. He picked up my suitcase and carried it downstairs for me. "Beside, she caught us kissing just now." "Really? I didn't even notice her!" "Better get you some hearing aids then. I don't wanna get caught with my pants down." Pete giggled and led me toward the stairs. Mom and Dad were waiting below. "Ready, Brian?" Mom had a knowing grin on her face, as did Dad. She must have told him about our kiss. "No, I'm not. But I'll go anyway." I hugged Pete hard once more, whispering in his ear, "I love you, Babe. You mean more than the world to me." I kissed his ear as I stood back to get my luggage to carry it out to the car. He followed me out as I put it in the trunk. "You'd think we were Siamese twins, as much as we hug." He embraced me once more, tenderly. We soaked in each other's presence, storing it up for the week we would be apart. After everyone said their goodbyes, we piled into the car, Mom and Dad in the back seat, Kevin and me in the front seat. Small talk took up most of the trip to the airport. Traffic was light on the way there, giving me a chance to ask Kevin some of the questions I had come up with. It was really the first chance I had had to speak to him. Mom and Dad were talking between themselves, so I was assured some small measure of privacy. "Kevin? How do you feel about me and Pete sharing his bedroom?" He grinned slightly. "The way I see things, your parents have accepted you two as a couple, and have more or less given you the green light to mess around. Why should I or Sharon feel differently?" "It's your house. You can set the limits." "Again, why? We can't stop you if you're determined. And if you're at my place, at least I know you're safe." "And you don't care what we do together?" He glanced at me. "Brian, you are old enough to make those decisions. As long as neither of you hurts the other, it's none of our business. And be careful about that. It's possible one of you will... grow faster than the other. It could make things painful. And if you two need anything, don't be afraid to ask us. We won't judge. Pete is an adult. He makes his own choices. "What about the adoption?" "Symbolic, but very important to all of us. Pete has literally become my son... maybe a replacement for the one I lost. In any case, he is a part of our family, a part we won't give up. And because he loves you, that makes you just as important to our family. But don't think he is the only reason we like you. "If we had met out of the blue, through the school group or something, and Pete didn't exist, we would still have accepted you into the family. You have a lot to offer in your own right." I started to protest. "I've heard your arguments, and I know what you feel your worth and your faults are. I also know some of the issues you have and are frustrated with. Again, we would have taken you in to help you, if nothing else. It's what we do, Brian. It's who we are. "After Jeff died... Sharon and I were consumed with guilt. We didn't know he was gay, so we couldn't help him when the crisis hit. We talked and talked, and cried until we couldn't cry any more. In the end, we dedicated ourselves to helping boys like Jeff, Ray, Pete, and yourself, to come to terms with themselves, to help their parent's come to terms with their child. If the parents refuse, we help that boy find a loving home." He paused for a moment. I could see a tear running down his cheek. He absently brushed it away. I looked upon him with new-found respect and admiration. I only hope I have done as much good in my life as he has with any one of his successes. "Anyway, like I said. We love you on your own merits, with or without Pete. You'll always have a home with us, regardless of what happens." "I hope Brian never feels the need to take you up on that, Kevin." Dad. I wonder how long they'd been listening. "Lisa and I want to tell you how much what you've done for Pete means to us. It took us, me at least, a long time to realize how special he is." "They both are, and we hope that we can help Brian just as much, in other ways, Ben." "We thank you for that, too, then. And you're right, they are both very special." The adults conversed for the rest of the drive down I-84 and up the 205. We made it to the airport with plenty of time to spare. Kevin dropped us off in front of the terminal. "Give me a call if you have any questions at all. Don't forget the temporary guardianship papers. If anything happens, I don't want to have to wait around trying to contact you in an emergency. Have a good flight, and I'll talk to you soon." "Thanks for everything, Kevin." "No problem, Brian. See you in a week." I smiled at him and shut the door. After checking in at the counter, we made our way through security and down the long hallway to gate C23. The very end of the terminal. I was told it was a half mile from security to our gate. Fortunately, they had a shuttle car that would take you most of the way there. Mom and Dad climbed on one, but I told them I'd walk to the gate. "Okay. See you there. Don't be long." I acknowledged them and was quickly left in the dust by the cart. Walking down the passageway, I took my time, watching the people as they passed by me. It was the first time I can recall watching people anywhere. I don't know why I did it, but later on I was glad I had. He was absolutely beautiful. About my age, he had brown hair and brown eyes, stood six-foot, 185 pounds or so, with a broad-shouldered athletic build. He wore a loose black t-shirt and baggy black pants, almost like fatigues. One thing bothered me though. His eyes were on the ground, and not at all except for furtive glances from time to time. Walking behind him was a large bald man, obviously his father, an older teen - his brother- and a woman not related to the boys, and not much older than them- maybe in her mid-twenties. The older brother was dressed in camouflage fatigue pants and t-shirt. As they came closer, I watched them intently, or rather him intently. He glanced my way and, seeing me watching him, gave me a shy smile which I returned warmly, his smile etched into my mind. His father noticed me at that point, and then saw the boy looking at me. What happened next shocked me first, then sickened me. The big man slapped his son- hard- on his cheek, snapping his head around to his shoulder. He then clamped down on his shoulder with a vise-like grip, and leaned close, whispering in his ear in a furious manner, punctuating each point by digging his fingers into the boy's muscles. I could see him wince every single time, as a tear fell down his cheek. I continued to watch, transfixed by the events before me, when someone blocked my vision by standing directly in front of me. "What are you staring at, faggot boy? You looking for a dick to suck?" I looked up to my assailant- the boy's brother. He was six-foot-four if he was an inch, and outweighed me by at least seventy-five pounds, mostly muscle. His head was shaved, and peeking out from the right sleeve of his t-shirt was a tattoo: the bottom half of a swastika. I was in shock, and all I could do was stare at that tattoo. "What? To stupid to talk, queer-bait? How about I save you the trouble and shut your mouth permanently." I saw his hand ball up in a fist as he spoke, so rather than wait for him to swing, I swiftly stepped forward, placing my leg behind his, swept my arm up, and pulled him backwards, palm to nose. Surprised by this quick move, his efforts to defend himself gained him little. As he fell below my shoulder level, I put all the leverage I could into throwing his head down to the floor, my only thought ensuring escape from my enemy. His head hit the floor, sounding like a ripe watermelon. This was no time to hesitate. I bolted down the hall past gate 10, and around the corner toward the main part of the terminal and the food court. I could hear his father bellowing behind me, but a quick glance told me I was safe. Still, I didn't stop until I made it to the food court. My gate was another seventy-five yards down. Mom and Dad were waiting in the seats. I picked up my pace again and all but sprinted to where they sat and came to a quick stop in front of them, startling Mom. "Brian! What are you trying..." "I got into a fight." I told them everything that had happened. Dad went over to the desk and spoke with the attendant, who picked up the phone. He returned to his seat and motioned me to sit next to him. "Security will be here in a minute, and I want you to tell them the same thing you told us." While I waited for the officer to show up, I kept watching for any sign of the father, but he was nowhere in sight. The security guard arrived, took my statement and my information, and then went on his way, saying we would be contacted later on by the police if necessary. While I had been telling my story, our flight had begun boarding. It took us little time to get on the plane, as the flight was nearly empty. I went down the jetway, and I looked back into the terminal. My blood ran cold. Standing about thirty feet away from the gate was the boys' father, looking around the crowd for me. I turned my head back around and lengthened my stride, but as I turned the corner, I couldn't resist peeking back up the boarding ramp. He was still there, looking around. The his gaze found mine. I could feel the heat of his rage, even at this distance. I had never seen that much raw hatred before, let alone directed at me. I couldn't move. "Is something wrong Brian?" Dad. I didn't respond. "Brian?" "Huh?" "Are you okay?" Still my gaze was captured by the red, mottled face. I still couldn't bring myself to answer. "Brian! Wake up!" Dad walked around and stood in front of me, breaking my line of sight. I shook my head to clear it. "Brian, are you alright? What happened?" "I- I'm o- o- okay. I j- just z- zoned out for a minute. I'll be fine." Dad gave me his patented dubious look, but this time I shrugged it off, and got to my seat in a hurry. We three were sitting in the same row, so I asked for the window seat. After boarding was complete, Mom and Dad moved up a row since the seats were empty so they could have more room. So much the better. I was suddenly exhausted, and stretched out as much as I could immediately after take off. When I awoke, we were on final approach. * * * * * Home didn't feel like home any longer. It had only been a week and already this place was as foreign to me as the farthest corner of the world. I lay in bed the next morning running through the things I would have to do in the few days I would be here. Danny, Chris and his mom deserved to be told what was happening. School would be a cinch, since there was practically no one I could think of who would care in the slightest. The hardest part would be telling my wrestling coach. He had taken an interest in my academics so he could ensure I'd be eligible to wrestle. Other than packing up, that was all I could think of. A knock came from my door. "Brian, honey, you have to get up and go to school today to check out of all your classes." I glanced at the clock for the first time this morning. It was only six-thirty. "Okay, I'm awake." "Don't take too long. I want to get you there early so you'll have the afternoon to pack." "I'm up already! Geez, Mom, you'd think I was lazy or something." She didn't reply. I showered, completed my morning ablutions, and dressed in short order. Breakfast was the usual fare of cold cereal and toast. Dawn seemed happy to see me back. The last couple of years had changed both of us. She wasn't QUITE the bitch I remembered from then. She even had a few good points. Not many, but a few. Dad walked into the kitchen. He'd obviously been up for quite a while. "Ready to go, Brian?" "Yup," I said in between swallows of orange juice. "Let's do it. I want to get this done." "Okay, kiddo." I glanced at him in annoyance, but he just gave me an innocent look. "Dad, you know I don't like that." "Yeah, I know, but what fun is it if I can't tease you every once in a while?" He moved to ruffle my hair, but I leaned out of his reach. "NOT the hair, Dad." His rich belly laugh filled the kitchen. "Okay, son. Not the hair. Let's go." He patted me on the back as we left. School hadn't changed- why should it. I still dreaded coming to school, much as I had when Brent and his cronies picked on me in elementary school. It was different now, though, because I could handle myself better. I was sure I could have taken him if necessary, but I wouldn't have to think about him ever again after today. I went to the office and told them I was checking out. They all looked surprised. Most of them knew me, or at least had heard about me. The inevitable questions came after that. I was moving to Portland, my dad had a new job.... What I didn't tell them was the most important part, of course. The real reason Mom and Dad were doing this was for me, so I could be with my boyfriend. I finally made my escape from the office and went to my locker. Some people were in the hallway, getting special help or talking to friends. I opened my locker, retrieved my books for the first four classes, and began walking toward my biology classroom. As I made my way down the hall, I heard my name called behind me. "Brian, wait up!" Chris was jogging toward me. I wasn't really ready to talk to him, but I couldn't really blow off my best friend here. "I thought you weren't supposed to be back until next Monday." "Plans have changed. Come to the library with me?" He agreed with a puzzled look on his face. "What's up?" "Just wait, please?" He acquiesced silently and followed. When we got there, I signed into one of the group study rooms that was empty. Shutting the door behind me, I sat heavily. "I'm sorry, Chris. I was hoping to do this later, this afternoon maybe." Now he was really confused. "I guess there's no easy way, so I'll say it straight out. I'm moving to Portland. Pete is there." He sat stunned for several seconds. "You're leaving?" I nodded. "When?" I could see tears welling up in his eyes. "Sunday morning. I'll be staying with his family until the rest of my family can make the move." "His family? I thought his mom was a real bitch." "His adopted family." I let that sink in. "His mother left him?" "No. He sued for emancipation and won. He's a legal adult, but he lives with his foster family. They are adopting him." "Holy shit! Sorry. This is really wild. Are you and he..." I smiled. "Yeah, we are. That was probably why my mom and dad decided to move. So Pete and I can be together." "Has he changed? What's he like." "He hasn't changed much. A little more grown up is all. It took us some time, but the last three years haven't changed the way we feel about each other. He's even more beautiful than I imagined." Chris smiled at my happiness. "I am glad for both of you then. Now, where are we having your going away bash?" "Uh, I wasn't planning on having one." "Okay, how about we have one at my house. We can invite Pat." "I'd rather it was just you, me, and your mom." "Sure, no problem." The first bell rang. "I have to go. I'll see you this afternoon?" "Maybe. I am checking out this morning, and then I'll talk to my coaches. Mom has me packing up my room after I get home, but I'm sure she'll let me take a break by the time you get home from practice." "Cool. See you then." "Later, Chris." I knew I would miss him. Picking up my books once more, I made the rounds checking out of my classes. My teachers were genuinely sorry to see me go, as I was one of their best students. Then came my coaches, all of whom were also sorry to see me leave. It took me until lunch to get everything done. I called Dad to pick me up, and went home to pack. Packing turned out to be less of an ordeal than I thought. A large suitcase for the clothes I was taking to Portland, and a box for everything else I would need. My books went neatly into two medium sized boxes. They were heavy when I was done with them though. It was all I could do to slide them out of the way. Everything else went back into the boxes they came in, or into another box, carefully wrapped to prevent breakage. I figured I finished about two thirds of my packing by the time Chris rang the doorbell. He was still in pads. "Hey Chris, come in. Mom, Chris is here. Can I go up to his place for a while? I'm not sure when I'd be home." "Okay, but I want you back by ten. Chris has school tomorrow." "Alright. I'll be home around ten." I walked out and closed the door behind me. "How did everything go today, Bri?" " 'Bout what I expected. All the teachers and coaches were sad I'm leaving." "Me too." "I know. I'll miss you a lot, Chris." We walked the rest of the way in silence. When we arrived at his house, Chris headed upstairs to take his shower, leaving me to my own devices for a few moments. I sat on a stool in the kitchen, remembering all the times I had eaten dinner here, escaping from my parents and the pain they put me through. All of the times I had cried on shoulders, both Kathlene's and Chris's. I owed them my sanity, if you could call what I did in those terrible first years sane. Those years, the anger and resentment, the pain and anguish, all of it came rushing back unbidden, overwhelming me. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I wept silently, and continued to fall when I could no longer hold in my cries. I lay my head in my arms on the counter and sobbed out loud. All the time wasted, all the love we could have shared. I wept bitterly, and the more I wept, the worse I got. I felt Chris's arms go around me, his body behind me. Turning to him, I lay my head on his bare shoulder and continued to cry, holding him tightly around his back. Sobs still wracked my frame. Chris pulled me off my stool and let me to the couch, where he embraced me just as tightly, murmuring in my ear. Gradually I calmed, lapsing into occasional sharp breaths as Chris continued to hold me against his bare body. I looked into his eyes for a long moment. Chris stared back intently, trying to read my soul, and then did something I wouldn't have expected in a million years. He kissed me on the lips, lightly at first, but when I didn't pull away, he pressed harder, his tongue touching my lips. I opened them to him, probing with my own tongue and I could feel his erection under the towel he wore. It couldn't have lasted longer than fifteen seconds, but that was enough. He jumped away from me, losing the towel for just long enough to tell he was fully erect. "Oh my God, Brian, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have- oh, God. Brian, forgive me." I was really confused now. Chris was a straight arrow, or so I thought. I depended on that. It was my assurance that he wouldn't pull any punches with me, and tell me the way it is. Now he had kissed me. And he was good. "Why, Chris?" "I don't know. I love you like a brother, you know that. But holding you like that..." "Did you enjoy it?" He nodded. "Chris, are you gay?" He shook his head. "Then why?" "Maybe I wanted to see what it would be like to kiss another boy. Maybe I want to know what it would be like to be with another guy..." "Chris, I can't..." "I know, and I wouldn't ask you to. I guess I'm just curious." "How long have you wanted to do that?" He shrugged. "How long?" "Since you told me you were gay. But I could never get up the nerve to risk our friendship, or to ask you to give up on Pete. So I just didn't." I digested that for a few moments and responded. "I'm really sorry, Chris. But if it helps, you are one hell of a kisser." He grinned. I stood and embraced him hard, grinding his penis into my leg. "You'll always be my bro." I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and separated from him. "Thanks for holding me, Chris. I needed that." He smiled again. "I'm going to get some clothes on." The rest of the night was awkward. In spite of my assurances, Chris was very uncomfortable with what he had done, and conversation was stilted at best. Kathlene noticed almost right away. "You two okay? You don't seem like yourselves." A near panicked look crossed Chris's face, but I responded before he could say something stupid. "No, we're not. I'm leaving, and I don't think either one of us know how to handle it." "You guys need some time alone?" "Maybe later." "Hungry?" And so it went. With Kathlene leading the conversation, I told them about Portland and Pete, the Pattersons, school, whatever. Chris seemed to relax a bit as time passed, but not enough to seem normal to me. I left for home, promising Chris I would see him tomorrow. The next day saw the end of my packing. By dinner, my room was bare. The only thing that remained untouched was my bed, and I hadn't made it this morning. There was really only one thing left to do before I could go back to Portland- say goodbye to Danny. The next day, I awoke to rain falling. How fitting, I thought, as I showered and dressed. I picked up the phone and dialed his number. It rang twice before he picked up. "Trask." "Hi Danny." "Hey, Brian. How you doing?" "Fine. Are you busy?" "No, why do you ask?" "I'd like to talk to you." "Go ahead, Brian. I'm listening." "No. Face-to-face. If it's OK, I'll ask Mom or Dad to bring me over." "You're in town?" "Yeah. We came back Monday night." He was quiet for a second. I'm sure he knew what was going on. "I'll be waiting for you." "Thanks. Bye." "See you soon." I hung up, already worrying about what I would say. As much as my parents meant to me, Danny meant even more. He had taken me in when I was in the savage grip of black depression, and kept me from doing something stupid. He guided me to reconciling with my parents. He was a father to me. How does one say good-bye to his father? I asked Mom to take me over to his house, and she took me right away. It took about 15 minutes to get there. As she dropped me off, she asked, "When will you be ready to come home, do you think?" "I don't know. I may spend the entire day with him. I'll let you know. If I have to, I'll spend the night here." "Okay. I'll see you when you get home then." I gave her a kiss on the cheek and watched her drive away. I turned to his front door, ready to knock, but something stopped me. Scenes of Danny and I passed before my eyes, happy times, sad times, nights when he held me as I cried. Tears fell as these memories haunted me, one after another. I leaned against the door, letting my head rest against my arm. Danny must have heard me. He opened the door wide and I lost my balance, falling into him. He caught me, and seeing my tear stained face, wrapped me up in a bear hug. A few moments later he guided me to the couch and shut the door. "What's wrong, Bri? Why the tears?" In between sobs, I managed to squeak, "We're moving." "To Portland?" I nodded. "That's wonderful news! You and Pete can be together!" "But what about you? I don't want to leave you behind. I need you." I was recovering well. His response had surprised me. He smiled as if he were explaining something obvious to a child. "Brian, I love you like a son. But just like your mom and dad will learn later, I can't hold on to you. You are old enough to make your own decisions. You have decided to be with Pete." I started to protest but he overrode me. "I think it was a good decision. That circumstances allowed your family to move up there is a bonus." "I still don't want to leave you alone!" "Brian, look at me. What do you see? A forty something man, graying at the temples, and sporting a paunch. Look at yourself. An excellent example of a teenage boy, beginning the journey to manhood. Do you really think we could possibly live together, alone? In the first place, as much as I love you, you can't meet all my needs. I need to be with someone closer to my age. Secondly, even if that weren't the case, what would people think of a pubescent teen boy living with a forty-year gay old man? There would be accusations and scandal." "You know I wouldn't..." "Neither would I, but people would think we are regardless of what the truth is. "Brian, I can take care of myself. I took care of you because I wanted to. But there is no way you can take care of me. So don't feel badly about your going to Portland. Yes, I'll miss you. But I can live with it. You'll learn to do the same." He ran his hand through my hair, and pulled my head to his chest. "You should be happy now that you have your boyfriend by your side, not sad because an old man is left behind." "You aren't old." "Compared to you, I'm ancient, like your dad." I snorted. "Seriously, Bri, I am so happy for you and Pete that I can't express it. You two belong together. And besides, it's not like one of us is dying. We'll stay in touch." "Are you sure you want to? Keep in touch with someone who is one-third you age?" Danny cuffed me gently, then pulled me in tightly once more. "Of course I am. I would never lose touch with either of you." We spent the rest of the day together, talking about life, the weather, and philosophy, what ever came up. Neither of us mentioned my impending departure again. When Mom came to pick me up, I said my goodbye, kissed him on the cheek as I tried to squeeze the life out of him, and we both walked away, not happy, but content with the way things were. As I look back on that hectic week, I can't believe how fast it all went. I didn't have as much to do as Mom and Dad thought I did, so Thursday and Friday were free days for me. I spent much of those days trying to get back into my workout routine. It was harder to do that than I anticipated, though. A week and a half of easy living and sleeping in had all but destroyed my willpower to get up at five in the morning and run to the school for the gym. My wrestling coach always got to school about five-fifteen regardless of the season. He'd said I could use the gym Thursday and Friday if I wanted to, so I took him up on it. By the time seven rolled around, I was finishing my last set of bench press. The football team was coming in to do their morning routine. Everyone was surprised to see me there since I was supposed to be back next Monday. I got everyone to huddle up long enough to tell them I was moving. Some of them seemed to care, and went out of their way to say goodbye. The rest of the team just went about their routine. Back in the locker room, I stripped out of my workout clothes and jumped into the shower, rinsing off the sweat from a good workout. After I had lathered and rinsed, I began to turn the temperature down slowly, helping to close my pores and stop the sweating. I stole some glances at some of the guys as they passed the showers on the way to the weight room. Fifteen minutes after I had entered the shower, I turned off the water. After drying myself and dressing, I packed my things into my back pack, and went out the door. The weather was typical late fall, foggy and cold. There was a bench just outside the locker room and Brent was sitting there. I ignored him and kept walking. "Brian!" Brent was calling me for some reason. Probably another insult. "What do you want, Brent?" "Is it true? Are you moving?" "Yes, thank God. I don't think I could take much more of being around you." His face took on a curious expression I had never seen before. Pain? Embarrassment? I turned to leave once more. "Brian!" "What!" He kicked a pebble off the concrete, looking down, hands in his pockets. Was he blushing? "Good Luck." That was the last thing I had expected him to say. "Thanks, Brent. You too." We parted and went our own ways. I haven't seen him since. I enjoyed the walk home. The fog was thick and the light dim, but that didn't matter to me. Every once in a while, I liked to go out and walk in the fog or the rain. It cleared my head, somehow, leaving me refreshed. It took me about fifteen minutes to walk the mile or so to home. I passed the playground that was just about a block away, and on a whim, went and sat on the swings. They didn't fill my body as well as they had when I was younger. Pete and I would come here all the time when we weren't hiding from Dawn, swinging or riding the merry-go- round, climbing the bars or the slide, all the while making up our own games to pass the time. As the memories flooded through me, I was startled by a small voice. "You're too big for the swings." A little boy, no more than three, was looking up at me with large blue eyes and a serious countenance. His straw colored hair had defied his mother's best efforts to tame it, and his clothing was obviously chosen for utilitarian reasons instead of any attempt at fashion. He wore blue overalls and a red t-shirt under it, the knees faded to white with the wear of constant use. His speech still had the lisp all youngsters have, and his eyes would wander as he spoke, making grand gestures to emphasize what he was saying. I drug my heels to stop my swinging. The boy stared back at me, unafraid, believing that this was the most pressing problem in his universe. I smiled to myself at his innocence. What I wouldn't give to have the cares of the world lifted from my shoulders. "You think I'm too big?" I affected concern, and he returned my gaze, convinced I was too large. "Yes. You're too big." With effort, he climbed into the swing next to me. "Do you think I could swing this one time? Do you think I would hurt the swings?" He eyed at the equipment critically, evaluating its strength, and then examined me. "I think it will be okay this time, but you really shouldn't do it again. You might break the swings." "Okay, I won't swing again after today. Is that alright?" He nodded sagely, and kicked his swing into motion. I heard his mother walk up beside me, looking to make sure I hadn't done something to her son. I stopped my swing once more and stood to introduce myself. "Hi. I'm Brian." "Hello, Brian. Would you mind telling me why you aren't in school?" Translated, 'Would you mind telling me why an evil teenager like you is out here molesting my son?' "Sure. I checked out of school yesterday. I'm moving to Portland, and my flight isn't until this weekend." "Oh. Why are you here then? Shouldn't you be packing?" Because it's a free country, lady! "I'm done. Look. I came here to do some thinking, and your son told me I was too big for the swings. All I want to do is have peace, and if you'll let me, I'll keep him occupied so you can read your book or something." She wasn't convinced. "I don't think so. Come along Jonathon." She pulled him off the swings, and he responded with an ear-piercing scream. Obviously nonplussed, the lady carried him to their car and strapped him in, his screams echoing the whole way. I shook my head. Some people. I returned to my swing and kicked off again. A short while later, Danny stopped at the park in his patrol car. He parked his car and walked over to me. "Oh, hi Brian. Didn't know it was you. I've been catching some kids skipping in this area lately. Come to that, why are you here?" "Just thinking and vegging out." "Aren't you a bit big for those swings?" I laughed. "You know, not more than a half-hour ago, there was a little three year old boy here telling me that exact same thing." "Really?" I nodded. "Huh. Well, I have to get back to the patrol. You take it easy. Enjoy your vacation!" "Yeah, right. I don't see why they can't move my flight up to tomorrow." "You're going away again for a month or more. Your family wants to spend time with you, too." "Yeah, you're right. I didn't think about that." "See you later, Bri." "Bye, Danny." Once in the car, he sped off in his car, chasing a truck that went by us at that moment, going much faster than he should have. Suddenly I didn't feel like staying there any longer. Jumping out of the swing, I picked up my backpack and headed home. Neither my mom nor my dad were there, both having errands to run and work to do. Dad was working on a temporary basis for the local warehouse, driving a forklift. It didn't pay great, but it helped. Anyway, I was on my own for the rest of the day. I decided to indulge myself in a nap.. I don't very often get to do that. Usually I am busy with school or I just don't take the time. It was nine o'clock when I lay down, and I didn't wake again until Dad woke me at noon. Dad came home for lunch at noon just about every day. He kicked my bed when he noticed me lying there peacefully. "Wake up, sleepyhead. Don't you have something to do?" I took my time stretching and yawning. "Nope. I finished packing my room and all my things for Portland. All that's left out are the clothes I'll be wearing for the rest of the week." "Oh, okay." He grinned. "I'll let you go back to sleep then. You'll be ready to go back to Portland on Sunday?" "I'm ready now. All I have to do is say goodbye to Chris and Kathlene." "Good. As long as you're ready to go in time for your flight." I yawned, speaking through it. "I'll be ready." He chuckled and closed the door. Now I was awake, and sleep seemed far off. Rather than toss and turn, I got up and dressed, and fixed my lunch. "Did you get a good workout today?" "Not bad. I couldn't lift as high as I wanted to because I didn't have a spotter. I made due with the machines." "Well, You'll be able to do your thing once you are up in Portland, I'm sure." "I hope so. I don't think Pete is into working out like I am." "You'll be able to find a spotter somewhere. Maybe even a workout partner." "We'll see. I don't know what it's going to be like up there yet. I don't know if I can keep my routine." "You'll figure out something." I nodded in agreement, chewing my sandwich. Dad left a short while later to return to work. I felt like taking another run, so I changed into sweats and took off. I decided to run down toward the beach and get some work on my calves. It was only a mile or two to the sand from the house anyway. The run down was wonderful. I let the slope of the hills carry me down, enjoying the ocean breeze, smelling the salt air. Once there, I started plodding through the sand, looking a bit ridiculous as I exaggerated my steps, getting the most benefit out of the motion. I passed several retired couples as I ran, each of which whispered behind my back as I moved beyond them. The end of the beach was defined by some large rocks, at least forty or fifty feet tall, but a relatively easy climb from landside. The ascent was no problem, and I perched myself on the point of the tallest rock there. In spite of the cold, I was boiling beneath my sweats, and took off my sweatshirt and t-shirt, bathing in the humid air. I could barely make out the beach below me through the thick fog. As far as I could tell, I was the only person in the world. For no particular reason, I took off my sweatpants, leaving me naked except for the skimpy track running shorts and shoes. I tied my sweatshirt into my pants, and then tied the legs around my waist. The cold air felt so exhilarating on my skin. After climbing back down the rock, I took off once again back up the beach. It was about a half-mile or so from one end to the other. I accelerated, giving up the stupid step I had been using before, and just let it all hang free and loose. As I ran, I cleared my mind as much as possible, concentrating on my breathing and stride. I reached the other end of the beach, once more passing the elderly couples, and turned around for lap two. Again I took an easy stride, stretching out my legs as much as possible. Once more I passed these oldsters and turned around for the final leg of my run. As time had gone on, the fog had grown thicker. I couldn't see more than fifteen feet in front of me, so I was relying on my footprints to guide me back. About half way there, I caught a glimpse of something in the fog just ahead. When I realized it was the retirees, I had just enough time to dodge to avoid running over them. The woman screamed as she say this nearly naked young man appear in front of her and nearly tackle her. I stopped and ran back to them. "Are you okay? I didn't see you until I was right on top of you. I didn't mean..." "You damn kid. Why they let you run around naked down here to terrorize decent folk is beyond me. You just get out of here before I call the police!" I stood up straight, placing my hands on my hips, when an interesting thought hit me. They were jealous, and they were afraid. I represented everything he wanted back in his life: youth, energy, power, and body. I also represented to him that his time was almost over here on Earth. Maybe that was why he was afraid. Or, it was that I, like his children and grandchildren, had inherited the world he had helped build, a world that had no more room for him. His wife had recovered nicely, placing a hand on her husbands arm. "It's okay, Hal, He was just running on the beach." He rounded on her, nearly losing his footing as he did. "You stay out of this, Joan!" He glared at her. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I really am." I took my opportunity to say my piece. "I'll run closer to the water next time." "There better not be a next time, you young whelp!" "Hal!" I looked into his eyes as he glared back at me. "Don't worry, there won't be. But I have three things to say. One, I can't help being young. Two, this is a public beach, accessible to all, so I have just as much right to be here as you do." He was spluttering, trying to respond, so I continued before he could. "And three, if the way you treat me is any example of how you treat younger people, I can understand why the elderly are left alone in their later years. No one wants to be around someone who hates them." Now he was apoplectic. I turned to the old woman. "I'm sorry, ma'am, that I scared you. And I'm sorry that I may have hurt you with what I said. But I don't like being attacked for no reason, either. Goodbye, have a good day." "You as well, young man!" She was a nice person, I thought, as I finished my jog down the beach. Then the real work began- running up all those hills to get back home. It was about three-thirty when I finally arrived, breathing hard and sweating up a storm. Dawn was home from school when I walked in. She was eleven now, going on twelve. Already she showed signs of impending puberty. "Hi, Brian. What did you do today?" "Not much. Went to school and did my routine, went for a run to the beach, nothing special." "Oh. When are you going back to Portland?" "Sunday. It'll be a fairly early flight, I hope. I need time to get unpacked. Why?" "Just wondering. How long until we move up there?" "I don't know, really. Mom and Dad have a lot they have to take care of before they can go to Portland, so I would guess a month, maybe a bit longer." "I don't want to move. All my friends are here." "I know what you mean. Chris is my best friend here. I'm not gone yet and I miss him already." "But you have Pete up there. I won't have anyone." "Sure you will. You'll have lots of friends." "Sure I will," she said sarcastically, "I'll have all the friends in the world. At least you have a boyfriend. I'm a girl and I don't even have a boyfriend." An alarm sounded in my head at her words. This was not an argument to have with her. "You'll find one. I'm going to go take a shower." "Tell me! How does it feel to be a fag?" Oh, hell, I thought. Here it goes. "I don't know. How does it feel to be a bitch?" Curiously, she smiled. "You know, that's the first time you've called me a bitch in three months?" I blinked. "Really? I'm losing my touch." "Yeah, you are. I miss arguing with you." "I don't miss the scars I get when I do." She strolled over to stand before me. "Brian, I won't tell. Mom and Dad told me what could happen if people find out about you and Pete. I won't tell anyone." A tidal wave of relief crashed through me. "Thank you, Dawn. Can I ask a favor?" "Shoot." "Please don't tease me where Pete is concerned. I... have a lot of things that I need to figure out, and being gay doesn't help that. Please don't go there." She stared at me for a long few seconds, and then nodded. "Okay, Brian. I'll try not to." "Thanks, Dawn." "Sure. Now go shower. You stink." I chuckled and did as she said. The hot water felt wonderful. Standing in the shower, absorbing the warmth, I imagined what my new life would be like in Portland. I already had a good idea of what was in store for me, both with Pete, and at school. I shook my head in irritation. I had attended school with Pete for one day, and I had made enemies. Oh, well. There was nothing I can do about that now. Being with Pete was worth it, anyway. "HEY!" The water went ice cold. I had used all the hot water. Bitching to myself, I rinsed off- quickly- and jumped out to the warmth of my towel. I dried at a rapid pace, warming gradually as I did. After clothing myself, I found Mom and Dad in the kitchen. Both were home from work, Dad at his normal time, Mom an hour earlier than usual. "Hi Mom, Dad." "Hi, Brian." Dad was busy divesting himself of his work accoutrements. He might as well have had a Bat Belt for all the things he was carrying. "Hello, sweetheart. How was your day?" "Good. I got my workout in and ran a couple of miles on the beach. Almost ran over a retired couple, though. The fog was so thick that I had to follow my footprints to get back where I started. I couldn't see them until I was two steps away. The old guy was really upset and just plain mean. The lady was nicer, though." "Sounds like a full day then." "Yup. Mom, why are you here? Shouldn't you be at work?" "I gave my two weeks notice today. Rather than let me work those two weeks, they walked me out of the office, so I wouldn't do something 'unfortunate'." "Like what? Go postal?" "Yes, that's exactly why." "Oh. I didn't know that. What's for dinner? I'm hungry." "You're always hungry." "Of course I am. I'm a growing boy!" They both laughed a bit, then they both turned pensive, staring at me. "What." Mom sighed. "You're growing up too fast. That's all." I glanced at Dad, and he was nodding in agreement. "You are nearly fifteen now, and with what happened... we missed out on some of your childhood. We didn't see the progression from the innocent little boy we loved into the blossoming young man we love today. It's kind of been like an on-off switch. One day you're that little boy, and the next you are a teenager, in love, ready to make some of your own decisions." Dad broke in. "The decision you made to stay with Pete is one that we really had to think about. If we denied you, we knew that we would lose you again. Maybe permanently. But had we thought it in your best interest, we would have said no, regardless of the results. Our job is to protect you, even from yourself." What they said made sense, even if I did shudder to think about it, but I was going to be with Pete, so it was a moot point. "I understand, Dad, but neither of you answered my question. What's for dinner?" "Pizza, I suppose." "COOL!" Thursday came and went. Chris and Kathlene invited me up to their house for dinner. We talked and laughed, recounting all the funny things that had happened since we met. We lapsed into an awkward silence around ten that night, none of us really knowing what to say next. At last, I stood. "Well, I suppose it's time. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I wouldn't have survived without you." I hugged Kathlene tightly as she stroked my hair. "You are welcome, Brian. If you're ever come back down here, make sure to let us know." I separated from her. "I will, you can be sure of that." I turned toward Chris. "I'll walk you out, Brian." He led me to and out the door, closing it behind him. He looked around briefly and then spoke. "I'm going to miss you, Bri." I could see the streetlamp reflected by tears in his eyes. "You're my best friend. What am I going to do without you? Who's going to work out with me now?" He wore a sad smirk, one corner of his mouth raised. "You'll find someone, Chris. It may take time, but someone will take my place as far as working out goes. I'm going to miss you too. And I wasn't kidding when I said I wouldn't have survived. I came close to killing myself. You held me together." I stepped in close and embraced him. His arms wrapped around my shoulders. "I thank you for that, and so much more." "You're like a brother to me, Brian. I'll never forget you. Just don't forget me." "No chance." Our embrace lingered on for several minutes. Chris began to pull away, but before he did, he kissed my cheek gently and whispered in my ear. "I love you, Brian." He backed out of my arms with tears falling down his cheeks, turned around, and quietly went inside, closing the door behind him. I stood rooted in place, staring after him for several minutes, then turned around and started home. I walked the short distance to home, my thoughts melancholy. Chris was my best friend outside of Pete. For three years, he had always been there for me, no matter what, and now I had said goodbye to him for who knows how long. Our embrace had been more than a simple hug. His last words proved it. The thing was, I loved him too. I didn't sleep well that night. Images of Chris and what he said disturbed my rest. Pete and Chris were in my dreams, fighting over which of them loved me the most. Every time that dream came up, I startled awake, breathing hard and sweating. It was a long night. Friday was wasted. I did nothing other than work out at school and go for another beach run. I didn't run over any old people, but I was distracted, nonetheless. Chris was constantly on my mind. He had supported me for those terrible years, perhaps loving me all that time, never hinting at it once. How much agony did he put himself through all those times he had held me, kept me from breaking down totally? And he never told me, until that night, how he really felt. These thoughts chased each other in my brain as I ran mindlessly on the beach. The next thing I knew it was nearly dark, and I still had to get home. Climbing those hills would normally be not much of a problem, but I had run myself into the sand without realizing it. In any case, I had to get home, so I began the trek up the path and down the road toward home and dinner. My brain picked up its pace as I walked home. Tomorrow was my last day here. My life here, all the pain and suffering, all the hate and rage, all the sadness and grief, would end when I set foot on that plane Sunday morning. No longer would this podunk town have a hold on me, dictating the course my life would take, and who I could love. Never again would I let these small people hold me down; allow them to 'keep me in my place' because I act differently, or because I have a brain and the desire to use it, or because I am small in stature. No one would ever be allowed to abuse me again. Now, at long last, I was complete. Pete is the center of my universe, the rock I can cling to, the person who loves me as much as I love him. Obstacles have and will come our way, as has the hate that is so prevalent in our society, but together we can overcome anything. There is nothing that could possibly separate us after all we have been through. I intend to stay with Pete until I die. Mom and Dad gave me such a wonderful gift when they blessed my relationship with Pete. They gave me the chance to let down my defenses, and let Pete in to see the darkest recesses of my soul, and receive the light he brings to my life, lifting the burdens I have carried for so many years. My new world was just beginning. Peter Daniel Patterson: my refuge, my friend, my lover, my life. ===0=== This chapter concludes "For the Love of Pete". Together at last, Brian and Pete will go on experiencing life together as a couple, learning the depth of their shared love, the power of hatred, and the dangers of pride. This is by no means the end of the story. Thank you all for staying with me through thick and thin. Writing this story has been an emotional journey for me, important for so many reasons I can't go into here. Your comments and encouragement keep me writing even to this day. For that, I am grateful. I want to mention a few names here: Bubba, Kyle, Rich, David, Craig, Phil, without you guys, Pete would have died along the wayside. Thank you so much for your friendship and support, and the 'tough love' you use so well. Rhino, you have been an inspiration to me. So much overcome, and the courage to face it all down. I love you, Bro. Dave, thank you for the encouragement you gave me to begin writing in the first place. These writers' influence helped me shape my own style. I want to acknowledge them publicly: TheEggman, The Journeyman, Comicality, Ty, The Wolf, The Alienist, IOM, Lizard, and so many others. You have my gratitude. Finally, to The Glass Onion family, thank you for accepting me when I needed it so much. That's it. I'll see you in Chapter One of "Brian and Pete". Take care of yourselves, -Dewey October 6th, 2000 Constructive criticism and comments gladly accepted. Please e-mail me at dewey2k@yahoo.com. Flames will be ignored, then deleted. I have a website! It is a work in progress, but it's there nonetheless! http://members.tripod.com/dewey.ftlop/ I'd like to invite you to join a list that will notify you of new chapters being released for "Pete". 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