Date: Wed, 05 May 1999 17:17:33 -0400 From: Curtis Kline Subject: It's all about my Benjamin. There's this kid I know named BEN. Yeah, so he's cute as hell. 14, 5' 9", 120 lbs, all american boy. Just one problem. He's straight. I don't know what I was thinking when I invited him over to spend the night. It would just be another chance for me to torture myself over him. But I called him anyway. R-I-N-G R-I-N-G "Hello?" A familiar voice answered. "Hi. This is Curtis, and I was wondering if I could talk to Ben?" "Sure," it was his mother, "hang on a sec." A silence of about 30 seconds went by, and then Ben answered the phone. "Hello?" God, I loved his voice. Boyish, yet deep. Sometimes I would call and hang up just to hear him answer the phone. "Hey. This is Curtis. Was wondering if you would want to spend the night?" "Hang on... let me check with Mom." Whispering could be heard, but I couldn't quite make out what the answer was. I was on the edge of my seat. "Yeah. That should be ok. What time do you want to pick me up?" "Um, how about in an hour? That gives you time to eat and pack." "Sure. C-ya at 7." CLICK. I got up like I was shot from a bullet. I did my little victory dance. I was high... on life. But I was shot down when I realized that I wasn't ready for him to come over. `Shit'. I thought to myself. `I have to hide my pictures!!' I made a mad dash to the computer and quickly renamed the directory and hid it off the hard drive. It contained a number of stories and photos in various directories. The rest of the time I spent straightening up the house (oxy moron). I had come out to my parents a few years ago, and a few friends, but I was pretty sure Ben didn't know. I changed into a white T-shirt and Jeans. At 6:50 I got into my car and drove over to ben's house three miles away. I had just gotten my license two weeks ago, and I had been driving him to school. It was like I was addicted to Ben. I couldn't go without seeing him. I didn't care that I'd be early. I loved watching him. I pulled up in front of his house and walked up to the door and rang the bell. He must have been early too, because a few seconds later the door opened and Ben was wearing a black silk T-shirt and a pair of beige khakis. "Ready?" I mused. "Sure." We both scrambled in to the car and I drove back to my place. Ben and I hadn't known each other for a long time. Only about a year now. He moved from California, but I didn't care. I was attracted to him more than I ever had been attracted to any other guy in my life. I knew I was in love with him, but didn't want to tell him because I thought it would ruin our friendship. We horsed around a bit, wrestled, surfed the Net and chatted a little bit, watched a movie. It was about midnight, and I was a little tired. I was going to get to bed and Ben asked if he could go back on the Internet. I said sure since his parents didn't have a computer or the Net. We both walked to the garage which I had converted into my bedroom. I was pretty proud of my setup. A year ago I had run a network in our house to go from Dad's computer to my computer so we both could be on the computer. It was great. Anyway, Ben sits down at the desk and takes the computer out of standby mode. I climb into bed and tell him goodnight. His sleeping bag is right beside my bed. I hadn't even fallen asleep when I heard my computer beeping. "Oh shit" I thought. "He's gotten into one of my "hidden" directories." Once my parents snooped around on the computer so I wrote this program that would make the computer set off an "alarm" if one of the specified directories were read. It was too late. The alarm had taken a while and Ben was already browsing through the images in my directory. I shot straight up in bed, wide awake. "What the hell is this?" Ben asked pointing to the screen. "I'll explain it if you just type efg456%^ on the keyboard." Silence. Ah... at last. "Now, what is this?" Ben said again. I sighed. I didn't want him to find out about me. "Are you gay, man? What's with all these guys screwing and giving bj's?" Another sigh. Somewhere I found my pride and stomped on it. "Yeah, Ben. I am." There was a long pause. "I didn't want you to find out. I thought it would ruin our relationship." "Do you find me attractive?" Ben asked. "Yes. In fact, I've fallen in love with you. You don't hate me, do you?" He thought for a second, I just laid back in my bed and turned to him on my side, waiting for his answer. "No. But you should have told me." "I know. I'm sorry for keeping it secret. You don't have to stay here if I make you uncomfortable." He was unresponsive for a second, then his face brightened with a smile. "Na," he said. "You mind if I sleep with you tonight?" I thought this was humorous. "But your sleeping bag is right here... you are sleeping with me." "No, I mean *WITH* you." Ben said with a smile. "I kinda have some feelings for you too." My heart leaped up into my chest. "Sure Ben..." I patted the mattress. He climbed in beside me and we both turned on our sides. I pulled him close to me wrapping my arms around him, and I kissed him on the lips. "I love you." "I love you, too." Ben said, and we both drifted off to sleep.