Date: Mon, 2 Aug 2021 02:08:57 +0000 (UTC) From: K P Subject: Learning How to be a Big Boy Part 3 One of the guys brought their dog over one day, it was a Labrador. It was not really a puppy but still about one and a half yrs old I'm guessing. It was not full grown yet, but definitely had tons of energy. The guy whispered something to John and John thought for a second. John said "that's a good idea. I got to get my camera for that." John had a Polaroid and I had seen pictures taken of me by John and some of his friends as I was being used by the different boys. He had many of these 2 preteen boys on each end, filling my 2 holes, as they're trying to meet in my belly. I was getting royally fucked by the preteens which gave me a hard-on which john liked to point out often and tell me kit means I wanted it, liked it and enjoyed it. I knew he had taken several photos of me and the other boys going at it when 2 of us were in a 69 and had 2 older boys filling our butts. Also some times when he made me rim some of the boys. I knew it happened because I saw the flash go off. Also one of me with my face in a boys butt licking him while one of the teens was doing me in my butt hard with his big cock. I still try not to think of those pictures out there I just hope that there's not millions of them or floating all over the net and that none of them have my name on them. I now understand that every child in those types of pictures is a victim I just don't want to be reminded of my abuse, which is what each child suffers and relives when they are told that the pictures were found again. I think the cops and other officials are guilty of mental abuse every time they tell a child that others have seen his or her pics. As a victim I think it is better to not remind of what happened and just let the photos go away and not know if or when more were discovered on a persons computer somewhere in the world. If cops were smart they wouldn't tell the victims so that they can let it go, be in the past because I certainly don't want to know those ever found because all is going to do is make me sick and relive this all over again. By remind us and making us relive it each time, it prevents the victim from moving beyond the past and having a better and healthier life. At this point John moved us into the bedroom apartment thing that was above the garage. It was a nice summer day. It was warm but probably 85-90 degrees so it wasn't super hot. John said it was a better area for the next event so everyone could watch and enjoy my new show. I was unsure what he meant and was scared because a something new normally hurt a lot. I was a little surprised they brought the dog up. As soon as I got upstairs I was told to strip and by now I knew that if John told me to strip I had no choice and to do it quick, or he would hit me and then strip my clothes off himself if he had to, so I stripped quickly so he would not hit me. I was told to get on my hands and knees and I said that my knees hurt because I had a scraping on one of my knees. John told one of the younger boys to go grab a blanket so I can kneel on that. They were nice enough to fold it up so it was kind of cushiony and I can kneel on it. They put it by a foot stool. I often had to do that so I could suck someone when someone was doing my butt. Or sometimes I was propped up on the foot stool and bent over it so they could double end me and I could not move at all. John told me to hold still and not move around and enjoy it because I was going to get something new. I had no clue what he was talking about. He came over and repositioned me a little bit and spread my legs out and then he went to the another area and I heard him open up the cupboard and bring something out and smear it on my butt. It didn't feel like lube it felt kind of sticky. I learned later it was peanut butter. Then the dog was brought over and apparently the dog loves peanut butter. First they had him stick his nose to my butt and then he started to lick all the peanut butter up that was spread on my crack and balls. When the dog cleaned it they added more and made sure to get it around my hole and on my balls. The dog did this for probably 5 minutes and it actually felt really good, as it was one the few times I ever had good feelings and pleasure from anything that was happening or done to me. However that enjoyment was short lived. Apparently the dog was getting excited. John got his lube out while someone else pulled the dog back. He put his finger in my butt and I figured okay fine who's it going to be this time. But then all of a sudden I felt the dogs paws come up onto my back and they had the dog coming up on top of me and it scratched me. I cried out that the dog hurt me but they laughed and said just wait for what else he will give you. John saw the red marks and told someone to get a towel for my back. They got a towel and put it on my back so the dog would not scratch me any more. But then I found out what they meant, as I felt his hard on poke me in my butt as he tried to ram it in. They helped the dog line up, and bam he was in me. Then I saw the flash go off for the first time, but I think it must haver gone off maybe 15-20 times while the dog was doing me. A few times made me lift my head so he could see my face and the dog on top of me, others he had me ;look sideways so he could see the dog in me and my face as I was being bred by the dog. I had tears because I was humiliated and it hurt. He was doing me really fast and it hurt sometimes when he poked me inside. It got worst when it started to get a lump he was pushing into me and then it popped in and I thought it was a baseball that was shoved into my butt. It took a couple minutes of him just doing me before I felt this larger thing pushing into my butthole and it felt kind of large and as he popped into me I put out a squeal and cry in pain. One of the boys said "oh he's knotted now". I had no clue what that meant but learned it really quick. John came over and took another picture and with the tears running out of my eyes because it hurt. I kept feeling it swelling up inside of me to the point where it was really painful. I was crying. It felt weird and was the biggest thing I ever had inside me. At this point the dog was still humping into me but at least it's not coming out, not that it could have. Then all sudden I felt the dog just push in as hard and deep as he could and then he started squirting into me. I felt like I was getting filled up with at least a gallon of dog cum. It just kept going and going and going and going and I guess the look on my face told everybody what was going on. One boy said "oh yeah he's getting filled up now I bet he is full for a while." After probably 5 minutes or so the dog started moving and I put out a cry when he put pressure trying to pull out. The boy that had brought him went over and helped the dog position himself so we were now butt to butt. John got a picture of that and he said that the dog had made me his bitch and bred me like the faggot I am. Then John said I would be having his puppies soon. I started crying because I actually believed that I could have puppies and I was scared. The fact that this was painful because it was the biggest thing ever in me and it felt almost as big as that damn tennis ball John and I had thrown around a lot. It had this constant pressure on my ass, I hurt and I was scared. They told John that he was going to need a towel because when the dog popped out it was I was going to leak all over the place and so John went and got a towel and a small bucket and put it between my legs. About 15 minutes later while they were petting the dog, the would dog shift its way around and pull on me a little bit every minute or two and I'd put out a squeak because it would hurt but then all of a sudden the dog moved and moved some more and it popped out and I screamed because it hurt so much. Then all of a sudden I felt this liquid, almost slime like, coming out of me and it was going down my legs. John was taking pictures then they laid the dog down and took a picture of him. A couple of the older teens came over to me and asked "wow did you like being that dogs bitch? He owns you because he nodded was knotted to you and bred you just like you were a female dog." I started crying again because I felt even worse than before. John told him to leave me alone so I would stop crying. That was basically it for that day it was about 2:30 or so and no one wanted to be the first one to do me because of the dogs cum inside of me so they just cleaned me up and put some toilet paper in my butt. In about an hour John took me over to my house and told me to stretch out and take a nap. In about 2 minutes, I was sound asleep. I was all wore out and exhausted mentally and physically and literally I cried myself to sleep for the 2 minutes I was awake. My mom actually woke me up when she got home. John left her note that we've been playing games and running around a bunch and I kept up to the older boys but looked worn out so he brought me home and suggested I get a nap because I looked tired. This was the summer when I was 10, before I started 5th grade. This sexual abuse by John and his friends had been going on now for two summers. A few days later and I had been used each week day by John and at least 2 of his friends, each day, I was getting more and more depressed. Especially when they would ask when I would be having puppies or made any comment about the dog. I was so low in my life, that ate age 10 I tried to kill myself because of that abuse and humiliation John and his friends did to me. I took a bunch of aspirin or Tylenol, what ever we had. However because I drank so much water to wash them down with I ended up puking it back up in 15 minutes or so and then I fell asleep. I woke up several hours late and felt even worst because I could not even do that right. When you try to kill yourself and you fail at it, it really hurts and lowers a persons already very low self esteem and made me hate my body even more. I never told anyone about that attempt to kill myself until last year in my therapy. I had suppressed it because of how it made me feel and how much I am now embarrassed by it and its failure... The aftermath and life long affects... What most people don't realize is how this abuse can really affect a person. When a child is abused like this, especially when he is used, degraded, belittled, and mentally manipulated it has long life lasting effects to the child even as an adult. Besides being confused about sexuality my sexuality, being called a faggot almost daily for over 2 yrs messes with your mind and you start to believe what you are told no matter how untrue it is.. Further being told that you like it and you want it because your body reacts to the stimulation really messes with a person's mind. As a young child you don't understand that stimulation will cause a reaction no matter what, even when you're getting used and abused as I was. The fact is my body was reacting to the stimulation in a nature and normal manner, buy getting an erection was unknown to me, so I believed what the older boys told me, since most young boys look up to older teens. I even had a few orgasms from then having sex with me. Those times they made a big deal about it and always told me that the only way that happens was if I really liked and wanted the sex and enjoyed it and was really a faggot, and then said since I had the 'special feelings" meant I was a faggot and wanted them to fuck lots and lots. The days I was fucked over and over for hours is normally when it happened after they had been doing me for 30 minutes and sometimes I even had 2, what I later learned were called orgasms. Of course when the constant stimulation in my anus did cause me to have an orgasm I was even more degraded, belittled and objectified by it. I was told that I was a worthless faggot because I had an orgasm, and that only would happen if I really wanted it and liked having sex with guys and being used by them. They told me I was a good cocksucker and my the orgasm that showed that I really enjoyed getting all their come and pleasing them that I was a good little bitch and I was their sexual play toy. this made me feel less like a human being and more like property or a pet and it made me even more compliant and they took full advantage of that and used me more and more. They did not care about my emotions or if they hurt me and over time I would cry but not make any sound as I hated getting hit or spanked if I cried too loud. This was the end of the 70s and the beginning of the 80s. At that point being gay was the worst thing anyone could be, and they told me over and over I was gay and a faggot.. That was almost seen by society as bad as they see being a child molester now. No one wanted to have the label of being gay or a faggot!!!! This affected me so much as I grew up as I was very confused sexually and unsure if I should like girls or just boys or what so I was scared and confused, all thru school even in college. While I was being molested and used I often wished I had been a bed wetter and wore a diaper so that I would have been safe. My sister is handicapped and had to wear diapers and I would sneak her diapers some times. As they made me feel safe, secure, protected and loved. That feeling and desire for diapers stuck with me as I grew up and even into my adult life. As a preteen and even a teen I would go buy adult diapers and then wear them and even wet them, and then feel bad about it and throw them away, but hours later go get the unused ones out of the trash and hide them and wear them more. I realized that diapers were a safety blanket for me and were not really a sexual release as I got older. As a teen I would masturbate in them, either before or after wetting them and sometimes masturbate again. But as I got older I realized they were just comfy and enjoyable and I felt relaxed and safe when I wore them. So after a hard day of classes or hard day at work I would often come home and put one on, and relax with it and feel a lot less stressful and safe, no matter how bad the day had been. I also could focus better on my school work and reading when I was wearing. I learned later in life that many boys with ADHD or PTSD are the same. The diaper will help them feel safe and allow them to focus better on the task at hand, esp. when it is school work that requires a lot of focus and the feeling of safety in the environment to do so. A therapist told me that many boys in the 8-14 age range find wearing diapers at home or even to school helps them focus and get better grades. Esp. when they take tests. She had suggested to several parents to send their son to school in a diaper, not a pullup on test days and to let him and encourage him to wear a diaper afterschool at home and even when riding bike or doing similar activities as it will help him focus and relax better and at school his grades will increase. And she had data to back it up. Also she said that a study had shown that kids, esp. boys got better sleep and were in REM sleep faster and longer if they wore a diaper to bed than those in undies or even pullups. This was a study I guess done on boys ages 6-16. She said the study had the parents diaper the boy or he diapered himself at least 1 if not 2 hrs. before bed. I have tired this with a cousin that had a small bladder and it did work, he liked the diapers much better than the risk of a wet bed, and even in the days because he could play games, watch tv, play Legos or even ride his bike longer and not worry about finding a bathroom to go pee. He was 9 then and wore until he was 14 when he was staying with me. He wore to school many times thru 6th grade and even some in 7th if he did not have gym that day. He also liked the extra attention he got in his diapers, and often asked me to change him even has he got older and could do it himself, but it was never sexual between us. I loved him with all my heart but would never hurt him like I was hurt ands used. He later told me that the diapers made him feel loved and safe and were very comfy. It was a way for him to not have to grow up even when he was growing up, as he even had a paci which he asked for and it often would be spun in his mouth when studying, instead of him chewing on the pencil... His therapist said the diapers were fine since it was his choice and he was happy with them and I had always just called them a different kind of undies so it was not a big deal. She said as long as he was happy, let him wear diapers. She then said it would likely keep him out of trying drugs and such because he already has something that is calming and makes him happy and feel good inside. The mental aspects of the abuse were wide reaching. not only did I have little or no self esteem and hated my body, but I felt like a failure because I could not even kill myself when I tried. no one understands how hard that is to carry all this with you, especially as a child, when you see yourself as a failure and a totally useless and worthless person. I felt like my happiness and feelings and even me in general didn't matter to anybody. I was treated like property for so long I felt like I was less of a person than everyone else was, esp. when he shared and trade me with his friends just as a person would with book, or a record/Cd. Looking back I see where my thinking was so far off, but it was twisted by what I was being told all the time as they were using me. As I was growing up, and John was abusing me, I got caught one time trying to put on my sister's diapers when I was in bed. My mom heard the noise and checked on me. She asked me why I was putting on my sister's diaper. I told her I did not want to be a big boy because they get hurt and I wanted to wear a diaper and be a little boy and be safe. I did not know how else to explain it as it was late 79 or early 1980. She told me that part of growing up and being a big boy is that you do get hurt sometimes but that is part of life and growing up. I was devastated by that. Granted she had no idea what I was really trying to tell her, but then sex ed did not start until 5th grade and even that was minimal... (There was no good touch bad touch teaching yet...) Mom also told me I didn't need diapers and big boys don't need them. I started crying. She didn't punish me, she just gave me a hug and said "I love you and I know life is tough as you grow up but mom is always here for you". That was a crushing blow to me, I tried telling her what was going on the best I could and she didn't do anything to protect me or save me. After that I literally just gave into it and accepting that that was now my life and it would it got harder at times. Mom did notice something was wrong one time, it was the time when I was used by the dog and it had emotionally and mentally devastated me. That night I couldn't even keep food down, and I've been in the bathroom many times. My mom had noticed that I was in the bathroom couple times and that I wasn't real hungry when I did eat, and I didn't end up throwing it up. So she just assumed I was sick. She told me that I should get lots of rest and told me that I should stay inside and sleep and watch a little bit of TV but mostly sleep the next day and not go out and play because I needed rest. I did stay in that day, as that was when I started thinking about suicide. John even came and knocked on the door, but I never answered it as I stayed in my room most the day and just stayed in bed. Combine these issues together and as I grew up I often made poor choices in friends even as an adult. I befriended people that were good at manipulating me and other Growing up I was having major depression & anxiety issues and had no self-esteem whatsoever which allowed future friends to mistreat, use. an take advantage of me. This included one addition time when I was taken advantage of and used sexually. It happened when I was about 13 and I spent a long weekend at a friend's house. I found out that he, his older brother and even their younger brother were are all having sex. I ended up getting used by my friend and even his younger brother. I screamed when the older brother tried to touch me, he was a 16 or 17 as I just couldn't do that, as when he tried to touch me all I saw was John again. However, I realized at that point that his younger brother was really nice to me. His name was Mattie. I really liked him because he was kind and gentle and caring to me. When we all went to bed, he was a bed wetter, and he wore diapers for it and to keep their cum from leaking into his undies or pjs. So they made me wear one of his diapers, even though it was pretty small on me. The older brother said I was acting like a baby because I started to cry when he wanted to do me and would only let my friend, David and Mattie do me. And because he could do Matty and I was bigger and older I should have let him do me too, but only a baby would complain the way I did. I slept in the with Matty each night. I was told it was so the babies could sleep together and they wet diaper smell would not smell up the other rooms. Since we got diapers on before bed, I did have to use it before I went to sleep and so did Matty. I was so embarrassed, but Mattie smiled and then wet his and said "ahh that feels better now" I think he kind of liked them. He also wore them to Disneyland and when ever they went on any type of trip just to be safe and he said he did not complain. It was nice to cuddle to him and we talked one night after David went to sleep. Mattie told me he liked the diapers and how when we did stuff I was much more gentle and loving and cared how he felt where his brothers did not really care too much. David did want him to feel good but his older brother did not care, he just wanted to have sex and shoot his loads off. I realized at that time that sex could feel good if it was done with care and gentleness and even love. I liked Mattie and would have liked to play with him more, but they moved several months later. I did learn that their dad and uncle were both in scout masters and that on some scout camp trips they had some fun with other boys and their Uncle or dad even. It seems it that the boys were having sex with each other once they were 7-8 and with dad or an uncle between 8-9. Mattie said his uncle was really gentle and made sure he enjoyed it and made him have lots of orgasms, and did everything with Mattie that he wanted Mattie to do to him. He said David would rim him, but his older brother would not and was glad his older brother would be leaving for college in a few years, because it was lot more fun to play with David or their Uncle. His dad liked David and his older brother better, but would still play and do Mattie at least a few times a month to make sure he stayed lose and got lots of cum so he would grow bigger and stronger. Those days I spent there I even learned to kiss as Mattie showed me to kiss. Once when we were in a 69 with David in my butt and his older brother in Matties it felt really good because David was going kind of slow and I knew he was making sure I liked it, unlike the oldest brother was doing Mattie fast and hard, like the way John had done me. I kind of felt bad for him,. but he said it was not too bad as he was use to it now as that is how his brother always did it. His dad I guess was much the same way too. Matty and I were talking and he asked me how I liked having sex. I told him it was better now than before when I was younger, but it still felt dirty, but I liked it when he did it because he made me feel good and was really gentle and loving when he did me and sucked me and stuff. He smiled and said he liked that I was kind to him to and that is why he likes David better because he tries to make him feel good and not hurt when they do stuff. He told me that his friend also does stuff with him and David and that when they go camping in a few weeks he thinks his uncle will try to teach him some stuff too like he did them. As I grew up and moved on in life the pain and hurt and anger I had buried from all the abuse John and his friends did to me seemed to fester more and more. It's also led me to different addiction issues including, gambling, alcohol, pornography, and more. It was because of those addictions I have a criminal record. It was after that I got my felony conviction and went to prison that I finally had all this bubble up to the surface and had to get dealing with it. It was very hard to accept and deal with any of it while I was in prison, as mental health and therapy to help a person is not something that is offered like it should be. They just say your depressed, and here are some meds. I have gone thru 5+ years of therapy to work thru this and try to put it behind me. I have most the way, but sometimes I still have the nightmares and night terrors from the abuse. I still find diapers to be very comforting and they help my lower my depression and anxiety when they flair up. I am not into the baby stuff like some diaper lovers/wears are, to me I just find them very comforting and enjoy them when at home and when trying to sleep or relax. I'm hoping my writing this that will be beneficial to help limit and reduce the night terrors as they have started recurring even more so because the holidays are hard on me. I've done a lot in my life and been called all kinds of terrible names because of it, my addiction issues and even my criminal conviction. I'm proud to say that I've never hurt another individual in any way intentionally or sexually. I was raised to believe that two intelligent people can discuss a problem and work it out and fighting doesn't solve that. I have grown up wanting to be loved, wanted and have someone love me and need me instead of being just there or somebody's property to be used and tossed aside or traded off. One of my greatest feeling was when I was doing foster care, and help to raise my young cousin while his parents had to try to deal with their issues... I realized that being a foster dad and helping boys get the love, attention and positive re-enforcement that he needed and then seem them grow and blossom was the greatest thing I ever experienced. I was able to show them each unconditional love which they had never experienced and that helped them to grow and learn to be happy. they realized that a person could love and want them, and they did not have to do anything to earn it or pay for it. Sharing this with the boys and then seeing them smile and actually be happy was the most fulfilling I've ever felt in my life. When you can put a smile on a child's face because of all the hard times they've been through, be it a foster child, a cousin, nephew, or whomever it's very rewarding and great for your own esteem and heart. Unfortunately in our society people want to put labels on everybody. I.e., you're a drug addict, you're an alcoholic, you are a child molester, you're a sex offender, you're a drunk driver, you're a felon, you're a Democrat, you're Republican, you're black, you're white, your fat, or whatever it may be our society nowadays like to use labels to generalize and degrade people. The fact is those labels generally are more harmful than they are helpful. Often the label stays with a person for life even when they have changed the way they act, think and the morals they value. When you use labels on children, you are telling them that is how they are, so they think it will always be that way, instead of giving them a suggestion to change their behavior and thinking. Labels or statements like, you're slow, your lazy, your worthless, your a big baby, your an animal, your bad, you know got ADHD, your dumb, etc. It is these labels that tell them how to act now and in the future and gives them an excuse for their behaviors. It often leaves the kids feeling unwanted and unloved, and they wonder what they did to make their parents not love or want them, which in turn lowers self esteem and self worth even lower... If you read this and have children please remember this that when your child does something bad or wrong be careful how you phrase it to him especially if they're not a teenager yet. because younger children take the words just the way they are said the heart. If you say that they're bad because they did something that to them means that they are a bad person and that people are unwanted, unloved, go to prison, are just thrown away just like trash. Please remember to tell them that what they did was bad or wrong but that doesn't make them a bad person and make sure that you love them and hug them so they know that they are wanted. Tell them that no matter what they are, as they grow up you will love that because a true parent will do, ie love their child unconditionally, and accept him for whom he is, even if it is not what they had hoped he would be. If you can't love your child for whom they become, that's YOUR Problem, not the child's. Remember, if a child; is gay, a diaper lover, lesbian, bisexual, has a foot fetish, or whatever it is part of whom they are and how they were created and meant to be. Having to hid that and be in fear of acceptance of their parents is what leads to so much child and teen suicide, as the child thinks their parents will not want or love them because they are different or a freak and think death is better than being thrown away and kicked out. Remember, it's not something they can just pick and turn on or turn off, and often are embarrassed by it more then you might be. If you truly love your child make sure they know that you will love them no matter what and accept them for whom they are. For those of you that are not familiar with how things work in other countries one thing that's so different about the United States versus so many more is that in the US people are very worried focused about "keeping up with the Joneses next door". They worry about how they will look because their son is different be it gay, a bedwetter, fat, late potty trainer, a nerd, small, or whatever, instead of realizing that those issues are out of the boys control and often he is worried and embarrassed by them and the parents making a big deal about it only makes it worst. If he is a bedwetter, get his good diapers, the tape on kinds, as they work much better than the pullup/bedwetter training pants. There is a reason they now make size 6 and 7 diapers, and that is for bigger and older kids that need them at home, for school and for bed. Just as how they have many brands of youth and X-small diapers in the adult diaper companies, like NorthShore. Make sure to tell you son that lots of big boys wear and need diapers and so do adults and that they are much better than a wet bed. Help him get diapered 1-2+ hrs before bed, and then changed out of it after breakfast in the morning so he can get cleaned up for school. When he can put it on him self, let him, but let him know you will change him whenever he asks for it. When you do diaper him make it fun, talk to him and even try a tickle or blow a raspberry on his belly, sometimes so he knows you love him and do not think the diapers are a big deal, as he will think the same and it will help him get over the wetting quicker in the long run. If you live where its warm at night then allow or suggest him to wear just his diaper or a diaper and shirt to bed, after all a diaper is just a different kind of underwear, and lots of boys sleep in just undies at night. Also by wearing just the diaper it will prevent it from being so warm and him from overheating in his sleep, as the diaper will be warmer than just undies and his body needs to be able to balance its temp, both day and night. If you tell him that its okay to just wear his diaper to watch tv or eat breakfast, he will not make a big deal about it and accept it as being normal for him, and not something strange or weird or that he is a freak!!! This is very important. If its cold, then suggest the one piece PJs, aka a sleeper as they will keep him warmer and also cover the diaper so it will stay warmer when wet too, as a wet diaper can get cold and clammy on a cold night if not kept warm by a soft warm fleece sleeper. In many other countries, including most of Europe, Asia, Central and South America, Family comes first. If your kids are unhappy then the family is not doing well and that must be fixed before anything else. They do not make a big deal about bedwetting and wearing diapers. They show lots of affection and still hug and even cuddle with preteen and teen boys, as it shows the boy they are loved and helps them be a loving caring person and will make him a better father and husband when the time comes. We need to start focusing on this and not so much about our image as what others might see or think. Many of these countries are called poor or third world countries, but they care more about their kids and family than a lot of Americans do, and that is sad. If you are loved by your family and they know you love them for whom they are, no matter what, then you are rich, even if you have no money! Well You made it this far, so I will answer the question so many people have asked me. Would I have enjoyed it if he had treated me by John and his Friends... To be honest I am not sure. Based on how I felt with Mattie, I think I would have. If he had cared about how I felt, if it hurt or if I liked it I would have felt better and more than likely been a willing and active participant. When Mattie and I had sex that weekend I liked it a lot because it felt good and I was not feeling used, and my feelings and emotions mattered. I have talked with others, when I was in therapy, and they had similar feelings. There had been 2 different teen boys in the group I was a part of. Each of them was devastated when they lost their older lover. They were told that they were being brainwashed by him and used by him. Both said that they started the relationship and that they only did what they wanted to do. That their lover never hurt them and cared more about them and what was important and good for them than their parents did. One was 10 when he seduced his 17 yr old babysitter, and they had a very loving relationship, until they were found out on his 14th Birthday, because they thought they were alone and were kissing but the step dad had a hidden camera and saw it, and called the police later. He was devastated when his lover got 10 yrs and he said he will wait for him. He was 16 when he was in the group and told us that the courts and lawyers were the worst because they told him that he was being used and brainwashed and that they knew what was best for him, and that there is no way a boy aged 10-13 could want to have sex, esp. with a much older teen/adult. I felt bad for him and he cried when I told him about how I was treated and he said that he was so sorry because I was really abused, when he was only loved. I agree with him, I think he was loved and felt bad for losing the person that mattered so much to him. There was a 2nd boy about 2 yrs later that had a similar experience, but he was 12 when it started with an older man in his apartment building that he meet by the pool. He said the man was nice and treated him like a person not a little kid. They started talking and when he found out where the man lived, he started visiting him to just hang out. His mom had to go out of town for a weekend and he suggested the man to watch him. She talked to him and agreed, even when the man was not sure he should, but gave in because the mom was in a bind. That weekend the boy decided he wanted to cuddle when watching a movie and the man let him finally. The boy basically said he was in total control of the friendship and relationship. He read about blowjobs online and decided to wanted to get one and figured if he sucked the man off, he would hopefully return the favor. He woke the man up with a blowjob and after the man stopped trying to push him off saying it was wrong and just enjoyed it, he came. The boy asked him to give him one and he finally agreed. The boy said it was awesome and the only thing better was when they had real sex a few weeks later. They were together until the boy was 16, and that is when they got caught because he moved, and his mom wondered why he went to the old apartments and followed him and when she saw them together she called the police. Sadly, the boy was 18 in the group, and one day he told us that his lover had been beaten up again and that he was not sure if he would make it. It seems that those with the label of a child molester are assaulted and even raped in prison a lot and the guards turn a blind eye often. When his lover died, he committed suicide the next day and left a note explaining why, and that the only time he was ever abused or manipulated was by the police, social workers, and court in how they treated him like a stupid little kid and did not show him any respect. That he was in love and felt the happiest he ever had when he had his man. He also blamed his mom for not listening to him and trusting him. It was so sad that day, when we were told what happened and why he had not been to the last 2 meetings.. I felt for him, as I wanted to kill myself because of the abuse, but failed. He did it because he was loved and then abused by the system and lost his love. So I think if John has been gentle and caring and shown me some love and make sure I enjoyed it and did not try to hurt me or degrade me, I would have liked it, after all, even to kids, sex feels good. Its just sad that our society can not accept that sex feels good at all ages, and that some kids are a lot more mature than many young adults that are of legal age. My question is this, if a child can be tried as an adult once they reach the age of 10-13 depending on the state, then why can they not be seen as an adult if they want to have sex and have found someone that really loves them ands that they love also??? This is a major double standard in our legal system, and some might say a Constitutional Rights violation as it denies Equal Treatment under the law..... Thanks for reading about my childhood and how it has affected me. I hope this will enlighten you a bit and also my other thoughts and Ideas will help you as you grow in your relationships and have children. I knew my parents loved me and I hated the fact that they weren't home a lot but I understood why because we sat down and had meals together. There was no TV or phone calls or other stuff to take away from our family dinner time each night, and we all talked about our day and my folks always asked about school and my friends. It just seemed they forgot to ask about how I felt and my emotions... If you have children please start giving them that love and attention, even if your teenagers think they are too old for a hug, or to snuggle and or cuddle on the sofa to watch a movie, remind them that they are still your child and that you love them and they need to get lots of love and hugs. They can live just fine without having their phone for a hr., be it at dinner and then later as part of family time. If you do this as your kids grow up, it becomes routine and they start to crave the extra attention and time spent together. You might be very surprised that when a friend comes over to have dinner or spend the weekend, that they find it fun and say that they wish their family did the same things. This opens the lines of communication between all family members and also helps to keep them closer to each other, especially siblings that look out for and love each other. Afterall big brothers are supposed to look after and take care of lil bros, even when they are a pest. Part of the big brother duty is to love, hug, tickle and teach the little brother all kinds of fun and even bad things, like water balloons, dirty mags/pictures, sex ed, how to protect themselves (and make sure no one is bulling him), how to camp in the back yard, and the best way to make forts, to name a few... I have met people that have been tortured as children because of their bedwetting because parents were disgraced by it and teased them relentlessly instead of getting them proper protection to wear at night whether they were the underjams or the better quality tape on diapers to actually wear to bed. The boy did not get much sleep because of the cold wet bed, and the fear of being yelled at or spanked in the morning, and this went on for years and years.. He thought of suicide because he felt like a disgrace and a freak, because that is what his parents told him and how he was treated. He is now a very kind husband and a wonderful father. Both his sons wet the bed, and even at ages 7 and 9 they wear diapers and he tells them its no big deal and that diapers are just another type of undies and they keep them dry at night and on trips so they can sleep well. To them, its not a big deal to wet the bed, and even have friends sleep over, and not to surprising some of them also are bedwetters, and that built an even better friendship... Its his love he shows his boys and the understanding he shows that helps them deal with the bedwetting when they know its not "normal" but also know they cant help its, so they don't worry about it, which helps them both a lot. The 7 yr old even wears pullups or pampers to school. because of his weak bladder, and because they found that he does a lot better in class and learns more when he is diapered for school than when he is a pullup or undies. For all of 1st grade he wore diapers or pullups to school and will continue in 2nd with diapers on Mon, Thur and Friday always and his choice to wear a diaper or pullup on tues and wed. He picked diapers most the time I found out from his dad, and they are fine with him wearing his diapers, as it helps him and he is happy, and they have no problem changing a wet diaper. Both boys have learned how to change each other, so they can help each other out at night if needed. That is called brotherly love!!! Please remember that kids listen to the actual words that we use when we talk to them, and often they see things as black or white, with no grey area. This is why they need lots of hugs and loves and to be snuggled and cuddled, even as a preteen and teen. Esp. boys, as they are less mature than their actual age is in most parts... A parent needs to be supportive of them and not be putting them down or degrading them but calling them names, or saying they are worthless or lazy or anything else. Kids need lots of love and positive attention, not anger, hatred and negative attention... Please keep this in mind as you have children or interact with them. Even if they're not your own and you're helping somebody else out a friend, or maybe they're your nephews or cousins are visiting you, or do foster care.. Always remember the children need someone that'll be there for them, that will listen to him, tell him that he is important and special, and tell them that no matter what you'll love them for whom they are, no matter what. That you don't care what kind of clothes they were or anything else they wear, and that you care that they are happy and feel loved and wanted for the person they are, as you will love them forever, no matter what, and that is what Unconditional Love is!!! I grew up feeling and thinking that sex was dirty, and that has caused me to become an Asexual person, all my life... I truely want to find a person I can love and that will love me for whom I am unconditionally. Thanks for reading all this. If you have feedback, let me know. I want to thank those that have given me positive feedback and offered their support and help while I have worked on this story of my childhood. Several of them are authors here on Archiveofyourown or on Nifty.org, and I say Thanks. Esp. to EricH, Bear, and knottedpup. Below are some links to my favorite stories, that you might very much also enjoy. I use to have story lists on AO3, and I hope to be able to find a way to bring them back, as they were broken into different story groups. IE Love, Sissy, Diaper boys, and Horny Boys..... I also have this story posted on there and you can see all 3 parts together and save it as one file that way if you wish. (also check out the bookmarks as you will enjoy a lot of them I am sure......) . . . . . . . I suggest you check out these stories, as I find them very fun and enjoyable. ENJOY. (yes my story lists were taken down, but I am looking for a place to post them again and once I do, I will post a short story with it in it, so keep an eye on Nifty and AO3 for that short story (diaper boy most likely)) The Camping Trip. A father takes his young son and his new friend camping. On that trip they meet another boy that is feeling like his life is not worth living and that he is unwanted and unlovable. A friendship forms and grows to one that is based on love and trust that will help others in need as well. https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-youth/camping-trip/ The Sleepover. 2 boys have a sleepover. For one it is his first ever because of his secret that he is so embarrassed of. He learns he is not alone in his problem nor in his feelings he is having toward his friend. https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-youth/the-sleepover/ Substitute Dad (The first 50 parts on Nifty, but the rest are on TedLouis...) Learn what real love is and the difference between being a father and being a Dad.... https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-youth/substitute-dad/ and for the rest of them visit. http://tedlouis.com/dad/dad.html Founders School for Boys (found on Nifty and also on his own website, which has the updates first) Brian learns that there is more to family than just blood. He further learns what it means when you are taken in as a part of the family, that it is unconditional love. He further learns understands why he liked looking at the male players in his brother sports illustrated, and what his feelings mean, and how it can make him feel so wonderful... https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-youth/founders-school-for-boys/ Or his site with more stories on it at: https://storiesfromthebearcave.wordpress.com/ Tutoring JJ A great Love story, but also very good Horny Reading) What happens when the youngest and smartest kid in the grade is paired with the oldest and lowest student in the grade??? An unexpecting friendship forms and becomes so much more. Their love and trust for each other has to endure several major events/obstacles, but they show that love is the strongest emotion of all. https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/young-friends/tutoring-jj/ Nephew Problem. Stuck babysitting his nephew, but then something amazing happens. A special feeling emerges and a loving bond is formed. https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/incest/the-nephew-problem/ After The Game. You are never to old to be a loving father to some needy boys... Great story http://tedlouis.com/atg/atg.html Matty's New Life A boy has is life and family torn apart. How does he cope?? How does he deal with his aching heart, his sissy side that wants to be explored more and his lustful feelings.. (He has many great stories, to see them all search for knottedpup on nifty (he is also on AO3 with a new story..) https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/young-friends/matties-new-life What Families are for. A boy loves sex, but he then finds out what love is and how it is different. His family grows and each time it adds more fun to the be had, but the love he has found for one boy, is still what keeps him going. But playing with your brothers is still a lot of fun... https://www.nifty.org/nifty/bisexual/adult-youth/what-families-are-for/ Baby Ballerina and Hockey Hunk... Do you believe in love at first sight. Well 2 boys fall head over heals for each other after they have a brief conversation in a store while the parents are shopping. They learn that even with how different they are, they can learn from each other and that will bring them closer. They learn first hand the difference between raw sex and real love. https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/young-friends/baby-boy-ballerina-and-hockey-hunk/ Lord Carnals Photography for Boys. A dad takes his boys to have photos taken of them. He finds a special photo studio that will allow him to indulge in his desires to give his boys and other boys special love and hot sex. he does not realize that the drink they give the boys is not a short term drug that lowers their inhibition to having sex and instead will last all childhood. https://archiveofourown.org/works/28801545 Smile for Daddy A student thinks he can make some money doing some "modeling" photos. Little does he know that the flash has special properties and will change his life forever... https://archiveofourown.org/works/20881427 New Sissy. Another great one by knotted. Explore the life of a young boy that gets to be a happy little sissy boy. Enjoy (it is still in progress btw..) https://archiveofourown.org/works/30403695 Ground Zero. What happens when Aliens attack, but what they need from Humans is the Emotional release and feelings given off by boys when they are having an orgasm? Just wait and see. It will keep you going and going and cumming and cumming... :) Creeping Dawn, has a lot of great stories, check them all out... Spacelane 6262 is another one that I bet you would enjoy.... https://archiveofourown.org/works/19846840 Rhythm in my Bones. A touching and fun story about a young boy that wants to learn more about ballet and dance, and being a boy. His mom sets him up with a teacher so he can learn all he needs and wants to learn. (complete story here) Enjoy.... https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676147 Carny Life. Well everyone says that life in a carnival is crazy and those that work there are strange and freaky. Well find out just how freaky they can get and what turns some of them on. A boy is upset because he kissed his best friend and now thinks he is an outcast, so he decided to join the Carnival that is in town then. His adventures will get you going. He learns a lot and tries even more... But he also finds love... https://archiveofourown.org/works/29879049 Bookmark listings on AO3. Check out these bookmarks to see some great stories that will help you release any pressure build up you have.... It will keep growing over time!!!! https://archiveofourown.org/users/DLdaddy/bookmarks NEW Stories you should check out and also see what else the author has written... Boys Scout Lovers What happens when some boy scouts fall for each other. What about their secrets. You got to read it to find out. Its a great story and I hope it has many many more parts. https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/camping/boy-scout-lover/ Diapering Easton. When a man is asked to babysit a co-workers 13yr old son, he agrees reluctantly. But when he sees the cute boy he has an idea that this weekend might be a lot of fun after all. The boy needs a positive male in his life to give him attention and love, and they both find that he is a sweet little boy deep inside... (author has several stories.. teaching Jordan....) https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/urination/diapering-easton All the stories by EricH are great He is on Nifty at https://www.nifty.org/nifty/prolific.html#erich and on AO3 also ( https://archiveofourown.org/users/DprLvr/pseuds/DprLvr ). Make sure to check him out. (complete stories can be downloaded into 1 file on AO3, so for long stories it can be very helpful...)