Date: Fri, 19 Feb 2016 09:39:49 +1300 From: ben zeb Subject: Math Class Last Part 17: Writes 3 Math Class Pt. 17. Last Writes 3 Our relationship crumbled in that last week of term. A rumour went round that Em had been spotted around town with another guy before her birthday. My name was linked to it. Keith came looking for me. He looked tired and really angry. He shrugged off my concern for him and launched into me about what was going on with me Emma. No matter what I said, I just couldn't convince him I had nothing to do with either, nor did I have any idea what was going on. "Why'd people say it then? I think you're jealous and tryin to break us up!" Keith hit me a crippler next. What's with you and my dad? It looks like you're tyrin to move in there! Just cause yours is dead you can't take mine! Even Em can see that!" He shouted. If a rock and smashed on my head, I couldn't have been more stunned. It felt like I'd been stabbed through the heart. "Emma's saying it cause she's being a fucken bitch, that's why. Ask her why I wasn't at her party! I've never lied to you Keith. I trusted you totally. You obviously don't trust me. I would never do a thing to hurt you or anyone else. But hey, I really don't give a fuck if you believe me or not. Have a fucken good life, mate!" I spat out and walked away. "Fuck you too!" He shouted back. This was the second time we'd been angry with each other, but this time we had a huge problem between us. I never saw him again that week. I got stood down. Em and some of her monkeys approached me at lunchtime. One of them had given me the bash earlier. She launches into me accusing me of spreading rumours. I tried to keep calm, but ended up ripping into her. "Listen bitch. I don't give a slimy rats arse what you think. I don't spread rumours like you spread your fucken legs. Why not try a little honesty." I guess I shouldn't have said such a harsh thing, but I was pissed of to the max. She was going to slap me. "Don't even bother. You slap me again and I promise you, I'll fucken slap you right back. I don't give a fuck if I'm expelled. Go for it! Try me!" She could see I meant it. One of the monkeys stepped up to me. I gave him a serve too. "Come on cunt! Have a fucken try! You and ya knuckle draggin mate'll do me for sure. Do I give a fuck! No! But this I promise you. You or that shit mate of yours won't be walking for a while! I know I'll have the shit kicked outa me. But you'll have no fucken balls left! I promise you. I'll fucken kick the crap outa your shit-arse slimy nadless scrots. Now fuck off or step up!" I've never felt so angry or scared in my life and desperately tried not to show it. I was trembling in my boots. Monkey boy took a step towards me and then we hear, " You boys, stop!" I was stood down for the rest of the week for abusive and threatening behaviour. It didn't help arguing with the deputy principal and accusing the teachers of failing in their lunchtime duty. Mum was absolutely furious when she got home and went ballistic. Rather than swear at her like the last time, I stormed off to my room. As I do when I'm down, I went to my go-to music, Pink Floyd's Division Bell. Headphones slapped on, I can't hear a thing except my music. I have no idea how long I sat there tooling around on my laptop playing games, so I hear no footsteps. Greg pops his head in the door. I get a hell of a surprise, rip my phones off and ask hopefully, "Is Keith here?" "No son, I've come to see you." "Oh", I go not meaning sound so un-welcoming. "Can I come in Zeb?" I shrug. He sits on my bed. "So, this is where it happens," he says. I give him a WTF look and shrug my shoulders. "I hear you've been stood down son." I shrug my shoulders. "What's all that about?" "Dunno? Just shit happening." "What? You don't no why you got stood down?" "Yeah." "Zeb, what's going on? Both you boys seem to have imploded. Keith's a mess, you're in trouble. I hear you threatened to bash someone! And your mum's at her wits end. She tells me you want to move to Wellington. What's that about? You have to tell me what the trouble is." I think about that. I fiddle with my headphones. Greg gently takes them of me. I run my fingernail along the edge of my laptop. He takes that away. I give in. "If I go to Wellington I can be myself. I won't have to hide who I am. I won't have to lie. My friends will be safe cause no one will know me down there. I'll be alright cause there must be lots of guys like me there, so I'll find mates that will understand." "You think your friends here don't understand "Zeb?" I shrug my shoulders. "Talk to me Zeb, please. Let me help you." In frustration I respond, "Look, why are you here Greg? Keith won't like this. He thinks I'm trying to take you away from him; make you my dad cause I don't have one. Well, you have a son. He needs you. I'm leaving anyway so I won't be a bother to him or any one else. Let him know that please." Greg stood up and I thought he was about to go. Right then I felt like dropping to my knees and begging this man to stay. Instead, he walked over to the window, lent on the frame, looking out the window. I went on. "I think I understand more about what happened between dad and your friend than you think. I think something like this happened to him and it scares me to think that mum might have been a cause in what happened next. Greg spun around. He was angry like I'd never seen before. "Listen Zeb. Don't you ever say that again! That's not what happened! It was never like that." `Then what was it like?" I plead. "I think mum was right not telling me. It was easier when I didn't know anything about my dad!" Greg came back and sat next to me. He spoke softly and gently. "Zeb, your dad loved John and me. I loved him too. He left because he didn't want to get in the way. That's all, nothing else. What happened was just an accident, a terrible thing, but an accident. That's all. Don't blame anyone except the other driver and certainly not your mum. You have a dad. Me! I can be a dad to both of you and want to, if you'll let me. You and me, well yeah, you are my son. I just didn't make you, that's all. You don't have to make kids to be a dad. You are as much my son as Keith is and he knows that. We've talked about it and he's happy about it. He's confused and worried Zeb. I love being with you. It's probably wrong I guess, but when I'm with you, I feel close to my best mate again, your dad. Like your mum, I still miss him. Keith is my number one and always will be Zeb. But I will be here for you always. Believe me. I hope you will too. Let me help you. Please Zeb. What the hell is going on?" I give in and let all pour out. "I don't know. I trusted some people, Keith especially. Somebody spread shit around school about me and Emma that's untrue. Keith thinks I've backstabbed him because he thinks I'm jealous of him or Emma or both. Emma has turned on me and came at me today with some arseholes, one who's already given me the bash. I don't see him gettin stood down. If I knew who spread these lies, I could do something about it. But Keith seems to have believed them. After all we've said to each other, the friendship we grew together, he's gone sceptic on me. Every time I try, he gives me the heave. You're his dad, you explain it." "I can't Zeb. And this is the first I've heard of you getting beaten. Has it happened before?" "Three times, same arseholes and more than I can fight off. I never told anyone. Why would I? How would that help me? If I'd narked it'd make it worse. I don't want my friends getting involved or being pinged by these shits, or being abused like I have. They bash me because I'm gay because someone let that cat out". "Somehow, don't know how or why, Emma is mixed up in this. I was screwed over by her and then I get the blame for not going to her party. Can't go if you're not invited. But that's a minor thing. I don't know why Keith won't believe me. He thinks I've been going behind his back, shagging her. I've never had my dick anywhere near a pussy. It's not my preferred flavour." Greg cacked himself, laughing fit to bust. "Oh my God, son you really do have a way with words. "Yeah well, they're not helping Keith. He just won't listen. That bike thing was a kick in the guts and I think he blames me for the shit he ended in. I know I shouldn't have done a runner, but what the fuck else could I do. I'd have said something all of us would regret. That hurt. That bike meant everything to me. And then he lets Jess fuck it up! You wouldn't let me ride any bike until I could prove to you I could handle them. How come Jess didn't have to?" "It was an accident Zeb. Keith shouldn't have let Jess ride it, but it's just an accident. And you right to blame me, but I wasn't home that day." I was getting wound up now. Tears are flooding out and I let it all out. "Everything's an accident. How fucken convenient. Just call it an accident. My Dad died in an accident. My twin died in an accident. I'm a fucken accident. My mum can't have any more babies cause that's an accident. I don't wanna shag chicks, lets call that an accident. I meet Keith, that's an accident." "My whole life's been an accident. Is that why you and John broke up? Was that an accident too? Maybe he was feeling what I'm feeling. I don't want to be gay. I can't stand how I'm feeling. I'm not making anybody happy." Greg wrapped his arms around me hugged me to his chest muffling the rest as I sobbed. After I calmed down we lay on my bed, Greg holding me in his arms, my head on his chest. Keith and I had spent hours like this comforting each other keeping each other safe. But lying there with Greg, was the first time I'd ever felt total security and a sureness that I was safe and loved as I imagined only a father can give. We lay there for hours talking. Greg told me about him and his friends, I told him about me and Keith, about Emma and how i felt about her, about being gay and how I was scared how mum would react. He put me straight telling me that mum already knew. She was letting me find the time to tell her. I told him how I was scared about coming out and that I didn't want to cause my friends any problems. It was late when he left and I was reluctant to break our embrace. I felt it was goodbye. As he left I told him I was worried about how Keith would feel. Greg just smiled and said, "Leave that to me." The Board of Trustee summoned Mum and I to a meeting on Wednesday. I prepared a number of letters, well one letter printed multiple times. They spoke down to me and mum treating me as if I was something found under their shoe. I knew most of the members, some whose kids I was mates with. Mum sat in silence, listening. The board advised me that due to an earlier aggressive incident, I would not be allow back until I met certain conditions. I had to attend an anger management session and participate in a restorative justice meeting. Finally, I was given time to put my case to them. I let them have it. "I've been here three years. In that time, I've been in one fight. I admit it. A friend was being bullied and physically threatened. I stood up for him and for my efforts I was stood down. To date, I've been bashed in the school grounds three times and threatened with more. Untrue rumours are circulating about me that have created friction between my friends and I." "I've tried to keep my head down and do the right thing. My grades are good and I've achieved merits. I work hard because I've got plans for my future. Some of you have kids I've helped with their school assignments, especially English. But I guess that doesn't matter to any of you." "I've never bullied or been aggressive to anybody, another convenient fact over looked. But I will stand-up for myself. Now I'm being victimised. None of your employees, the teachers here, seem to want to know or do anything about the level of violence and aggression in this school. It's time they got off their arses and did what they're required to do. Your school is not safe. Students here should not be put in harms because your teachers aren't doing what they are required to do. You are in breach of your own policies and the express directives of the Ministry of Education." "Exclude me if you want. I don't care any more. I'm very happy to enrol elsewhere. But this I promise you. I will complain. I will complain to the Ministry, the ombudsman, and the media if I have to, anyone who will listen. I will complain that your failure to keep student's safe at this school is preventing their education." "Please know this. I'm not some dumb schmuck you can bully. I know my rights and I've got the skills to ensure they are respected. Here are my first letters of complaint. We expect an answer to my specific concerns by Friday, or I will send the other three copies on Monday to the respective authorities. If that doesn't do it, I will happily go to the media. And one more thing. I expect the school board and management to support my application should I enrol at another school, which at this stage, is looking very likely." With that, I passed envelopes to the board members. They sat there stunned as I walked out. I heard nothing from Keith that week. Darryl and Jess kept me informed of happenings. Apparently my brainfart at Em and her monkeys went round school faster than a herpes virus in a whorehouse, as my uncle would say. I became a bit of a celebrity it seemed. Not exactly what I was aiming at though. Keith gave Emma a serve as well that day. She told him she hadn't invited me to her party. In the middle of the quad, Keith told her to "Fuck off! We're over!" Whether he was stood down or just stayed away, I don't know. I tried to txt him but he wouldn't answer and because he wouldn't, I stopped to. Things Greg had told me weeks back echoed in my head. I rang Greg and asked how he was and could I talk to him. Greg said, "He's not well Zebby and he won't talk to anyone." Thursday was a nice warm September day, the air rain-washed and clear. I went fishing. Sitting there quietly in my little tinny, listening to shore sounds and bobbing gently on the swell was good medicine. I caught one fish! Wow! I say caught but I think the fish suicided really, given my fishing skills. Well, at least we had dinner. I couldn't help think that this was very likely the last time I'd row out my little tinny and go fishing. A wave of sadness washed over me. Friday, and another nice morning. I went up the creek to our water hole. I lay on the rocks listening to the bush, watching the diamond lights glinting off the water, wrestling with floating leaves. The spring sun warmed me as I thought about the great times we'd had in and out of the water. Good sense deserted me and stripping off, I launched myself off our rocks and into the deep green-dark water. "Faaarkkkk!!!" I screamed! It was cold! Freezing cold! I fair flew back out and raced up to our warm rock sanctuary, yelling, swearing and shivering as I went. What a dumb-arse I laughed. Well, it was invigorating at least. Lying there, warming up slowly, my mind drifted back to the times we'd had here. One thing led to another and, as we all do I guess, got jiggy with myself. I left a deposit almost in the same spot Darryl had that day long back. Afterwards, warmed, dry and dressed, dangling my legs over the edge, it struck me that I was actually saying goodbye. End of term finally came, not that it mattered to me. I still had no agreement from mum. I was definite now, I would not go back after term break, even if I was allowed. I told mum that. We argued again and things were very strained between us. God knows she didn't deserve any of my angst. I spent the rest of the evening in my room. I tooled around checking what I'd take south with me. Opening one draw, I came across Keith's gear. A hoody of his was on top. Picking it up, I could smell his scent, sending my heart racing. The smell of his soft brown hair, his subtle musky body combining with the citrus notes of his deodorant, all mingling. I couldn't sleep with Keith but at least I'd have his smell with me. I cuddled his hoody tight to me inhaling my beautiful friend as I tried to sleep. That Friday night I had the loneliest, most restless sleep I think I'd ever had.