Max’s Awakening #26
Author’s notes:
In the Last Chapter: Cam was angered by Max’s admission of having sex with Craig while in Mexico and not telling him about it and dumped Max instantly. To make matters worse, Cam made sure Craig knew that he was aware of their indiscretions and implied that he wasn’t necessarily going to keep quiet about it. Max hobbled home on his bad ankle and crawled into bed, miserable.
Our young friend seems to be nearing a low point. Sometimes it takes a low point to bounce onto the next high. It’s how we learn and sadly for Max, he’s learning that love and sex are complicated.
Originally submitted: 7/15/2020
Updated: 9/02/2020 – updates made to match conversation details in Max’s Freudian slip Chapter 26. Updated section is in red for those who might be rereading.
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Chapter 26 – Doldrums
It was almost dark when I woke up. I had been asleep for hours. It took several seconds to clear the cobwebs, but as soon as I was alert, all that had transpired earlier came flooding back. It was like getting punched in the gut all over again. I grabbed my phone, hoping to have a message of some sort from Cam, but there was nothing. The absence of any meaningful notifications only served to make me feel even more dejected.
I slowly made my way downstairs to find something to eat. My ankle was still sore from my unplanned walk home so I limped slowly down the stairs. Mom was half asleep on the couch and sat up startled when she heard me clomp down the last of the stairs on my good foot. “Max, honey, I didn’t even know you were home. I thought you were at Cam’s. Is everything okay?” she asked with concern.
“Um…yeah,” I mumbled. “I just didn’t feel good after the gym so Cam’s mom ran me home,” I lied. “I’ve been upstairs sleeping.”
“I’m sorry sweetie. I know you were so looking forward to spending the night with your friend. Do you feel better now?”
“Yeah sorta,” I shrugged. “I’m gonna find something to eat. Then I think I’ll be okay.”
I made myself a ham sandwich and sat down at the table. Mom came up behind me pressed her hand against my forehead. “You don’t feel warm,” she observed.
“It was more of a stomach ache,” I replied, continuing with my made-up illness. “I feel better now.” That was a lie. I still felt like shit. Only it wasn’t a matter of being ill. I was worried, stressed, and I still felt exhausted somehow.
Mom kissed me on the top my head. “I’m going to bed. Call me in the morning and let me how you’re feeling, okay?” I nodded my agreement. She hugged me from behind, her arms pressing against my chest and kissed me on the cheek. Mom’s hug reminded that a few hours before that Cam was holding me just like that in his basement shower. I missed his embrace so much. “Goodnight. Love you Max.”
“Love you too mom,” I replied as she headed for the stairs. I guess it’s good to know at least I have her. The way it’s going, she might be about all I have.
***
I went back upstairs and set to work writing Cam a letter trying to explain things. I even googled “how to write a good apology letter” on my phone, which gave me a few ideas. I grabbed a pencil and paper and started writing. By the time I was done, it was just over two pages of trying to explain what happened in Mexico with Craig and totally taking the blame for it all, all the while begging for him to forgive me and let us try to be at least friends again. I made sure he knew that the sex in Mexico was my idea and not Craig’s. I knew I needed to defend Craig so Cam didn’t think he was a monster, because he’s NOT. If Cam wouldn’t be my friend, I begged him to at least keep what I shared with him a secret. “Craig doesn’t deserve to have anything happen to him because of my stupidity,” I wrote.
As I read over, I realized something. In my attempt to try to explain how things happened, I included a lot of detail. Too much detail. If Cam was still bitter and wanted to, he could take it to the police and totally fuck Craig over. It spelled out way too much about the sex stuff and I foolishly mentioned Craig’s name repeatedly. I couldn’t send this to Cam.
I had to rewrite it and be vaguer, replacing Craig’s name with ‘him’ or ‘the other guy’. Cam would know who I was talking about without it having the potential of getting Craig busted. I kicked myself for not using the laptop to begin with to compose my letter. It sure would have made editing much easier. I’d written it by hand because when I googled apology letters, one thing I read was that handwritten letters seem more personal and heartfelt, and are more likely to be well received. This may seem weird, but part of me was kind of happy that I was doing it the hard way. It was a way of punishing myself for being so dumb. I deserved it. This shouldn’t be easy.
I grabbed clean sheets of paper and wrote a new version, condensing what I had written before and removing Craig’s name. By the time I finished, my wrist was almost as sore as my ankle. I don’t think I’d picked up a pencil since school let out. I was quite pleased. I thought it was great and said a lot of really important things. Surely this would work and Cam would start to chill! I knew it might not happen immediately, but I hoped it would make him begin to come around.
I took a picture of both pages and opened Snapchat to send them. Only when I opened the app, I found he was no longer on my contact list. He blocked me! Fuck! So I went to Instagram. Same thing. Son of a bitch! All I had left was texting the pictures of the letter. When I did that, I didn’t get the imessage “delivered” to pop up. So I am pretty sure he blocked me there too. I can’t believe he was really cutting me off like that. He didn’t even give me a chance to try to explain.
God dammit! It was like getting dumped all over again. I’d spent almost two hours writing and rewriting that letter. And it was all for nothing. FML! I wadded up both copies of the letter, shoved them in my desk drawer, and slammed it shut (which made my wrist ache even more). For the second time in 8 hours, I cried myself to sleep.
***
I heard mom getting ready for work the next morning and drug myself out of bed. I hadn’t been all that affectionate with my mom in months, but that morning what I wanted more than anything was a hug from her before she went to work and I was left at home, all alone. “Are you feeling okay Max,” she asked as I stumbled into her and hugged her. She checked my forehead again.
“Just feel tired is all,” I replied, throwing in a fake yawn. I realized how out of recent character it must seem that I was asking for a hug. I can’t remember the last time I sought out a hug from my mother. Even through all the stuff with my dad, I don’t think I came to her for affection. It’s not that I don’t love or appreciate her, it’s just one of those things most guys stop doing when they reach a certain age.
“I’ll call you later to see how you are doing. I gotta go, I’m already late.” She kissed my forehead and stroked my hair, but left in a rush. It was so fast. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I was really down and wanted more from her than a quick hug, kiss, and a see you later. I’m not blaming her or anything. She doesn’t know what is going on inside my head after all. It just left me feeling a bit more lost for some reason.
I plopped down on the sofa and stared at the ceiling, trying to decide what to do with my day, ALONE. I still couldn’t believe Cam blocked me.
***
I eventually forced myself to get up and poured some cereal for breakfast. I pondered what to do with myself. I decided I would write Craig a letter, like I did for Cam. But I was smart enough this time to make sure that he hadn’t blocked me before I even started writing.
Craig’s letter wasn’t as long as the one I wrote to Cam and I managed to get it done the first time without many revisions. I tried to explain to how I felt like I was betraying either him or Cam no matter what I did, why I thought Cam wouldn’t care because of things he had previously said, and profusely apologized for getting it all wrong. I thanked him over and over for all the things he’d done for me, taking time to list out as many as I could recall. I also told him how Cam dumped me. I wasn’t sure if he even was aware of that. I ended the letter with: “Please Craig. I don’t want to lose you too.”
I sent him pictures of both pages and then waited. And waited. And waited. The longer I waited the more bummed I felt. I was sure he was blowing me off, just like Cam. Finally, three hours later, he responded with a very short text. It just said “Sorry Max, I can’t talk right now.”
It was like another kick in the teeth. I didn’t know how to take his message. Did he mean he was too busy with work to talk to anyone? Or did he mean he couldn’t talk to ME? Or didn’t WANT to talk to me? I don’t know why, but I just assumed the worst. It sure as hell wasn’t his normal pleasant tone. But at least I knew he received the letter, which is more than I can say for Cam.
***
I tried to play video games, but I just couldn’t get into them. I decided to see if Noah was up to anything. I thought maybe hanging out with him would cheer me up. But when I texted him, he said he couldn’t because he was at a movie with Jackson and Cam. WHAT THE FUCK!?!
Okay, so maybe it was just my down mood, but I immediately imagined the worst: Cam was making a play to get Noah on his “side” of our argument and to be “his” friend. I wound myself up. I was just certain that was what Cam was up to. Even though I tried to tell myself I was jumping to a lot of conclusions, I just couldn’t help it.
Cam clearly wasn’t too upset about breaking up, was he? He’s already out having fun - having fun with MY BEST FRIEND at a god damn movie. Cam wouldn’t even know Noah if it weren’t for me. I couldn’t help but think Cam was hanging out with Noah just to piss me off. It’s like he didn’t really ever love or care about me. If he did, how could he be over me already?
I told Noah we should catch up later and he replied “sure I’ll hit you up later”, but then promptly said the movie was starting so he needed to turn his phone off.
I messed around at home all evening, waiting and waiting for Noah to text me. He never did. My mind went wild with what could be happening. Was he spending the night with Cam, hearing all the details about what I did wrong and why Cam hates me? Was Cam going to make Noah hate me too? Would Cam rat out Craig to Noah? Oh man, that would really piss Craig off and then he really would never talk to me again. I was beside myself, getting more and more anxious.
Finally I gave up and went bed, as lonely as ever.
***
On Wednesday, I still hadn’t heard anything from Noah, or Craig, and obviously still nothing from Cam.
I needed someone to talk with, even if it was just meaningless texting. I actually had the thought of texting Ashley. Now that I was available, hell - maybe she would want to go out. I was pretty sure she would WANT to talk with me. Of course, the only reason I even pondered that was to potentially get even with Noah, should he be planning to ditch me too in order to be friends with Cam, that is. (I know. I’m probably being stupid and paranoid). I didn’t text her though. I realized I was jumping to conclusions, and that it would be really shitty to use Ashley like that. I might do stupid things, but I’m not an asshole.
I decided to text Spencer. I hadn’t really talked with him since my birthday party, other than seeing him at the gym in passing once or twice and exchanging a few Snapchat messages. I was glad that he was excited to talk to me. He asked me all about Mexico. He thankfully didn’t say much about Cam, other than mentioning he’d love to spend the night with ‘us’ again. I told him maybe my mom would let him come over this weekend and spend the night. He was excited about that, which made me happy. At least someone wanted to hang with me.
I was still bored so I decided to watch a movie. My dad was a big movie freak and he had a ton of DVDs in our basement. I scanned through the shelf and one title popped out at me: Stand by Me. It was one of my dad’s favorite movies and he let me watch it when I was much younger than I probably should have been. I don’t think he could wait any longer to share it with me. It seemed like just the perfect movie to cheer me up. “Chopper, sic balls!” “A complete and total Barf-o-rama!” A hot as fuck River Phoenix! And even Wil Wheaton is cute in a different sort of way. Yeah, this was just what I needed.
I was enjoying the movie, feeling a little better. Even though I had seen it many times, I still crack up every time the audience starts puking when Davey Hogan’s plan works to perfection. Plus it reminded me of some of the better times I had with my dad. He didn’t always pay that much attention to me, but I still remember curling up against him on the couch and enjoying this movie.
I eventually shut off the movie before the end however. I had totally forgotten about some of the more somber scenes. When it got the scene where Chris is consoling Gordie over his brother’s death and how his parents ignore him, it reminded me too much of the lost friendship between Cam and I.
***
I went back to finding someone to talk with. I tried to DM Eduardo to see what was up with him, but he didn’t answer. It was remarkable how lonely I’d become in 48 hours. I hadn’t realized how talking with Cam had become such an important part of my day. I thought about checking in with my old French friend Benjamin from the nudist resort, but decided against it. I really hadn’t talked to him in over a year. It would be weird.
Then I thought of someone whom I was sure would be happy to talk to me. Joshua – you know the boy I taught to wank in Mexico. I hadn’t thought of him much since getting back, and I hadn’t talked to him at all. I sent him a casual ‘whats up’. He answered right away: “HI Max!” followed by a couple of thumbs up emojis that made it clear he was happy to hear from me.
We texted for quite a while. I asked him if he’d been practicing what I taught him and he told me he was jerking off every day, sometimes twice. He even offered up that he thought his foreskin was stretching out some. He even went on to tell me he asked his moms to knock before coming into his room. I was impressed. He’d grown some balls! I wondered if I had anything to do with giving him some confidence. I also wondered if his balls had dropped as well. I remembered how amazed he was that mine hung down.
“I’m surprised to hear from you,” he finally texted after a lull.
“Why’s that?” I answered.
“Idk. Just thought you were probably busy with all your friends. Just didn’t think you’d think to message me.” Great, so now Joshua was rubbing in how lonely I was. It struck me that our roles had reversed. In Mexico, he was desperately seeking my attention and needing a friend. Now, it was me needing him. The strange boy I met in Mexico was being more of a friend right now than some of the people I thought I could count on.
***
Noah finally texted me late in the afternoon the next day. I almost ignored his text out of spite. But finally after a few minutes of sulking I replied.
Me: “I wondered if you were ever going to call”
Noah: WYM
Me: Thought you were going to text me after the movie?
Noah: Oh that. Yeah sorry. I think I ate too much junk at the show. Went home and puked. Was still feeling like crap all day yesterday.
That made me feel better, but then I became paranoid and suspicious. Was he just saying that to hide that he and Cam had hung out so I wouldn’t feel bad?
Me: that sux. so whats up. you wanna hang out?
Noah: yeah. can I come over there? Jackson’s idiot friends are all coming here after a while
Me: yeah cool
Noah: Ok, Jackson will drop me in like 30
I was relieved. At least Noah didn’t seem mad. It sure didn’t appear that Cam had tainted him.
***
Noah came over and we headed up to my room and played playstation for a good hour. Noah was acting completely normal, which made me much less anxious.
I finally had the guts to ask him about Cam going to the movie with him. “Can I ask you something?”
“What? You want to suck my dick again?” he asked, sounding hopeful. It’s almost like Noah was becoming used to me sucking him and was expecting it every time we were together. Not that I mind, but I wasn’t in the mood, for obvious reasons.
“No, not that dork. I just …um…kind of wondered how come Cam went to the movies with you and Jackson?”
“He didn’t go WITH us. We just ran into him at the theater and he sat with us. He came with his mom who was seeing a different movie. Why?”
I immediately felt stupid for all the crazy things I’d imagined were going on between Noah and Cam. “Did he say anything about me at all?” I asked.
“No,” he replied, looking at me funny. “What the F is going on?” he asked, cluing in that something was clearly amiss.
“So he didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me WHAT?” he demanded.
I took a deep breath. “He didn’t tell you we broke up?”
“Holy shit! No! What the hell? I thought you were looking forward to going to his house and .. well .. you know.”
“Oh I was. And we did. But then it turned bad.”
“Jesus Max. Why?”
“I can’t really tell you too much. But he’s mad at me because I didn’t tell him something right away. Something I should have. About something that happened in Mexico. It’s my fault, really.”
He looked at me puzzled. “So, I mean, you guys are still friends, right? I mean we can all still hang right?”
I shook my head. “I wish. I tried to call him later and tell him I was sorry, again. But he pretty much blocked me on everything.”
“Wow! I can’t believe it. I had no idea Max, I swear. He didn’t say a thing about it. Now that I think about it though, he was kind of quiet. But it was a movie – I mean we didn’t really have a chance to talk.”
“Well I can’t believe it either. It sucks so bad. I wrote him this long letter trying to explain and tried to send it to him but like I said, he blocked me on everything. I tried Snapchat, Instagram, texting.. everything. All blocked.” As I recounted my attempts, my eyes were starting to well up.
“That’s crap! Give it to me!” Noah demanded.
“What?” I said, wiping my face.
“The letter. I’ll take it to him and at least make him read it. If he still doesn’t want to be friends, fine, but he should at least hear you out, whatever it is. Maybe I could talk to him too.” It was good to see he was on my side after assuming the worst for the past few days.
“Are you sure you want to do that?” I blubbered. “Put yourself in the middle?”
“Max? C’mon. I’m friends with both of you now, so I’m in the middle no matter what. And I’d sure like it a lot better if we were ALL friends, like we were. You know I’m not going to stop being your friend, but I think Cam is cool too, ya know?”
“I know. I miss him,” I said, my voice trailing off. “I know it sounds silly from someone our age, but honestly, I love him so much. And now he won’t even talk to me,” I replied as a tear rolled down my face.
Noah walked on his knees over to where I was sitting and gave me a hug. “I’ll try, okay? I just wish you could tell me what this is all about. It would make it easier.” As Noah wrapped his arm around my shoulders it reminded me of the scene with Gordie and Chris in Stand by Me. Maybe instead of having that scene remind me of Cam, I should have just been thinking of Noah.
“Sorry, Noah, I just can’t. That might actually make things worse.”
“Okay, okay” he relented. “We’re leaving tomorrow for my uncle’s lake cabin this weekend, but I’ll try to get with him as soon as we get back.” Noah had told me about that, but it was escaped my mind. I was very glad he at least came over today and cleared the air on some things before he left. My paranoid mind would have gone down some really stupid rabbit holes if he didn’t tell me the details about the movie.
“Thanks. I wish I had a cool place to go this weekend,” I replied.
“Honestly, if we didn’t all have to already sleep on the floor, I’d totally try to invite you. There’s no Wi-Fi and no cell signal either, so I’d love the company. But his cabin is freaking tiny.”
“It’s okay. I understand. I’ll find something to occupy my time.”
“Cool. Now can we find some food? I’m starved,” Noah asked.
We found some food and then played some more games and soon Noah’s mom was on her way to pick him up. I found an envelope and retrieved the letter I’d written to Cam and then wadded up. I smoothed out as many wrinkles as I could and stuffed it inside and sealed it. “Promise you won’t read it?” I asked as I handed it to Noah.
He gave me a frown. “C’mon Max. You can trust me. I promise.”
“Thanks.”
“No prob.”
“Noah?” I replied.
“Yeah dude?”
“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Thanks,” I said as I looked at him.
He smiled. “No sweat Max. We’re like brothers man. I’d do anything for you.” Then he grinned wide and laughed. “Well except maybe give you a BJ.”
His BJ comment made me laugh a lot harder than it probably normally would. I desperately needed a good laugh and I was so glad Noah had come over. Everything seemed better already, even though nothing was resolved.
***
With the prospect of a boring weekend ahead, I texted Spencer that night and asked him again if he was still up for spending the night. He immediately jumped on the chance and got permission on his end before I even had a chance to ask.
“Mom. Is it okay if I have someone spend the night this weekend?” I asked.
“I guess so. Who? Noah?” she asked. “Or Cam,” she added with a slight smirk that caught me off guard.
“Um, neither actually. Noah is at his uncle’s cabin and Cam…is….um…busy,” I replied. “I was thinking of inviting Spencer over.”
“That’s fine by me if it’s okay with his parents of course. But let’s try for Saturday, okay? It will give me a chance to pick up the house.” I glanced around the living room and kitchen. The house looked fine. Why do moms always worry how the house looks? None of my friends are going to notice or care. It’s so damn silly. We’re probably just going to mess it all up anyway.
“Sure. I’ll tell Spencer Saturday,” I replied before hobbling back upstairs. My ankle was still sore af.
***
Spencer and I quickly finalized our plans. Spencer’s parents would drop him off around 5, mom agreed to take us to a movie – or more likely drop us off and shop, and then back to our house. I was glad I at least had some plans for the weekend. Other than the few hours with Noah, it had been a very lonely week since getting dumped. It has seemed like time was moving at half speed.
I wondered if Spencer was expecting us to fool around. He hadn’t mentioned it, but considering every time we’ve been together in the past few months we’ve done sex stuff, I suppose he is. I’m not even feeling remotely horny. Getting dumped after having great sex soured me on it completely for now. After having a lot of sex the past few weeks, I wondered how long that will last? Until I started thinking about doing stuff with Spencer, it hadn’t even registered with me that I hadn’t jerked off for the past three days. That is actually some kind of record! I didn’t think I’d be in a good enough mood to mess around with Spencer, but who knows. Maybe if he flashes that amazing uncut dick around me enough? His foreskin is pretty damn fun to play with.
I went to bed early out of boredom. Which just meant I woke up earlier than normal on Friday, still bored. I did some core work after breakfast, just to get a workout in, but my heart really wasn’t in it. I’d been thinking again the past few days that maybe I should just quit gymnastics. If I couldn’t get Cam to come around, quitting seemed like an easy out. It was satisfying to realize I would be able to eat like a pig and not care. While that was appealing, I also realized I would be completely bored. Gymnastics takes hours a week. I’m not sure I could fill that time with something else. Plus, I knew deep down I loved gymnastics. There is nothing like the feeling of mastering a new skill. But then I thought about how hard it would be to be around Cam if he still hated me. That didn’t sound fun at all either. It just reinforced how bad this whole situation sucked.
I showered and lay on my bed afterwards, trying to figure out who I could chat with. I talked to Noah a little about how their drive was going, but he really didn’t have much to say. Noah isn’t really the type to just talk on and on about nothing. Conversations with him are typically pretty short and to the point and this one was no different.
I soon found myself facetiming with Joshua. I threw a blanket over my bare ass. (I hadn’t dressed yet after showering). It wasn’t the most exciting conversation as I ended up listening to him talk a bit too much about Harry Potter and Star Wars – two of his fascinations. His room is covered in stuff from both of those shows. He gave me a ‘tour’ of his room and then I did the same for him. He was interested in my medals. He seemed even more intrigued when I happened to walk past a mirror and he realized I was still naked from showering. “Holy cow Max, you’re naked man,” he barked, smiling.
“Yeah sorry, I just got out of the shower and didn’t feel like getting dressed. I hang out in my room naked a lot actually. How did you know?”
“I saw your butt in the mirror when you walked by,” he replied.
“Oops. Sorry,” I replied. “Did you like it?” I asked playfully after a brief pause.
I could tell my question made him a little nervous. “Um…um…kinda,” he finally admitted.
“Here, get a good look,” I said posing again in front of the mirror. “It will give you something to think about when you jerk off later.” I decided to give him the full view. I spread my legs, bent over and spread my cheeks for him the best I could with one hand while I held my phone with the other.
By the time I looked back at the phone, Joshua’s face was bright red. But he was smiling too. He was clearly happy to have gotten a good luck at my butt, but apparently was also embarrassed by it.
“I gotta go,” he said, rather suddenly. “My mom’s calling me.” I think he was making that up.
“Okay, okay. Have fun,” I answered with a smirk.
“Thanks. Can we maybe talk again tomorrow?” he asked before hanging up.
***
It was just after lunch when I decided to try to say hi to Craig again. Three days had passed since I sent him my letter and all I’d heard from him was the quick “I can’t talk right now” reply. I was anxious as I sent him a quick message on Snapchat. I was surprised when he answered almost immediately. He asked me what I was doing and I told him I was just finishing lunch and being bored. “Is your mom at work?” he asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“I am taking the afternoon off and want to stop by. If that’s okay, and if you are alone.” I was suddenly very happy. My mood immediately picked up. Craig wanted to see me! That was a good sign, right? The thought of Craig maybe fucking me even crossed my mind. I’m sure that was not what he wanted to come by for though. I’d been thinking the past few days what he must be going through. He must be terrified that Cam is going tell someone what we did in Mexico. What would he tell his wife and kids if the truth came out? I was scared that Craig might go through what my dad did, and this time it would all be my fault! I started it in Mexico and then I was the stupid one who didn’t keep it a secret. I felt sick just thinking about it. So while I’m sure sex is like the last thing he’s thinking of, just thinking about being near Craig and maybe getting a hug from him was making me happier.
***
I heard Craig’s car pull up and met him at the door. Once he was inside, we just kind of stared at each other for a minute and then I practically jumped into his chest, wrapping my arms around his large frame. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I cried into his chest as he returned my embrace. I hadn’t expected to be overcome with emotion like that but I felt so bad about what was happening and I missed Craig so much. It just all hit me and I broke down.
“Shhh, shhhh, Max. I know you are. I know you are sorry.” He held me for a couple minutes until I was able to compose myself. Craig’s familiar scent that I had come to know so well in Mexico was comforting, so I just let him hold me.
“I’m sorry. I’m a mess,” I grumbled as I slipped from his embrace.
“I am too Max. Is there someplace we can talk? Your mom is still gone right?” he asked.
I nodded. “She won’t be home for hours. She said she was going to happy hour after work tonight.”
We sat in the living room. Craig took the chair and I sat on the edge of the couch, close to him. “Okay, I need you to tell me EXACTLY what happened with Cam,” he said.
I took him through Monday’s events. I told him how everything was great. How Cam and I made out in the bathroom at gymnastics and then went back to his house and showered and then had great sex. “I was on cloud nine Craig. I fucked him like we did in Mexico, you know, face down on a pillow. I controlled blowing my load so well, I made him cum twice. And then,” I finished, with a sigh.
“Then you spilled the beans about us?”
“Yeah. He asked me if Eduardo showed me that position and I just told him no, that it was you. I swear I didn’t think he would care. He’d talked several times about how hot you were and we even watched some daddy/son porn together and he talked about the guy in the porn reminding him of you. I thought if anything he’d be jealous. That was stupid.” I had told him all of that in the letter I wrote to him, but I explained it again.
“Okay, then what?”
“Well, at first he thought maybe you just gave me some tips on how to not cum so fast or something, but I told him you actually showed me things.”
“And that’s when he started getting upset?”
I nodded. “He got really mad and demanded to know what we did. I told him we pretty much did everything and that made him even angrier. He said fucking was special and just for us and that I should have known that. But we’d never talked about that, ever! How was I supposed to know?”
“I see. Well, apparently Cam assumed some things were off limits with other people. So he already knew about Eduardo then? That you two fooled around?”
“Yeah. I told him that stuff right after it happened. And he told me about some stuff he did with … someone else while we were gone,” I replied, almost mentioning Noah without thinking about it. “That was something else that he was pissed about. That I didn’t tell him about us doing stuff right away.”
“Well, that makes sense. It would be logical of him to think that you would share if you always had before. But he was okay with you and Eduardo doing stuff?”
“Yeah, sure. We agreed that we could play around with other people as long as we didn’t hide it.”
“And, he thought you were hiding it?” he suggested.
“Yes. I tried to tell him I was just waiting to tell him so I could surprise him with new sex tricks, but he didn’t buy that at all.”
“Wait!” he said interrupting me. “Are you telling me you always planned to tell Cam about us? Were you lying to me in Mexico every time I made you promise to keep it a secret, or were you lying to Cam about why you didn’t tell him sooner?”
I could tell Craig was angry and thought I lied to him this whole time. That wasn’t true. I was honestly never sure what I was going to do. I almost mentioned it to Cam a couple times from Mexico, but stopped myself each time. Whenever Craig brought up keeping it a secret, I realized he was right and agreed with him, at the time. It was only when my stupid brain thought about it later that I reconsidered and convinced myself it was not a big deal to tell Cam. “No!” I replied. “It’s not like that! I didn’t plan to tell him the whole time. I didn’t know what to do, but I wasn’t lying, I promise. When we came home, I just felt guilty keeping it a secret from him. He’s my boyfriend, Craig. Or he WAS. It didn’t seem right to keep such a big secret. If I didn’t tell him now and he learned later, that wouldn’t be right at all.”
I’m not sure what I said that made him so mad, but Craig flew into a rage. “Yeah, well great. Fucking great! You chose to tell Cam even after promising me over and over that you wouldn’t. You know first-hand what would happen to me. But yet, you put me in serious danger just because you thought Cam might be upset with you down the road? Or because you thought he’d be amused to know we slept together? Do you know just how ridiculous that sounds to me right now?”
I thought I was patching things up with Craig, but now he seemed twice as angry as he did on the phone Monday, when he called me after receiving Cam’s text. Craig’s anger hit me like a ton of bricks and I could tell I was about to lose it. Just before I broke into tears, I fled. I had to get away. I ran to my room and flopped onto my bed, bawling into my pillow.
I was so angry with myself. Craig was right. I should have known how serious it could be for him after watching my own dad go to prison. But I never equated what Craig and I did with my father’s misdeeds. I am not some little kid, like the girls my dad molested. And it wasn’t like with Armando. I wanted it! Not only that, I freaking started it! I talked Craig into continuing after he objected! I kept begging him to do more and more! I’m not sure why. Maybe I was just horny? Maybe I wanted to make him happy? Maybe I wanted to feel loved by Craig because I never felt loved by my dad? It was probably a mix of all those things. While it’s not the same situation as with my dad, I get now the risk isn’t any different for Craig. That should have been obvious the whole time. If I had just stopped to think about it, I would have figured that out. But I didn’t think, and I was too damn stupid to keep my mouth shut!
I thought about Kim and Craig’s daughters. It was so hard on my mom when my dad was arrested. I cringed at the pain they would go through. And they would hate me not keeping my mouth shut. Even Noah and his family would hate me. Who would I even have left? Only my mom and she’d be even a bigger mess this time. She’d blame herself for putting me in the hands of someone who ‘abused’ me. Though I don’t think of it like that, she would. She’d never forgive herself, no matter how much I tried to tell her it was okay.
I can’t believe how dumb I’ve been. Cam would have been just fine staying in the dark. I can’t forgive myself. I don’t deserve Craig and as I lay there, I hoped he would just leave because I couldn’t bear to face him. If Craig gets in trouble, I swear I’ll never be able to live with myself. After all that Craig has done for me, I repayed him by potentially destroying his entire life.
***
Craig didn’t leave. A few minutes later I heard him come into my room. He sat beside me and stroked my back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh,” he said softly. He had clearly calmed. “My frustration with all of this just boiled over. I’m scared Max. Really scared.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just kept my head buried and didn’t respond as I tried to arrest my sniffles. His touch was comforting and soon I was breathing normally, but I still didn’t want to face him. I was too ashamed. Finally, I mustered the courage to looked up at him. “I don’t want you to hate me,” I mumbled as I wiped my nose.
“C’mon, sit up,” he instructed. “I don’t hate you. I’m very disappointed is all. But what’s done is done. We just need to figure out, together, how to deal with it.”
I sat up and leaned against Craig’s manly frame. “I’m sorry I fucked this all up,” I whispered as he held me. He pulled me into him and rubbed my shoulder. I feel so small in his arms. It triggered a memory from when I was in kindergarten or first grade. After a horrible nightmare I ran into my parent’s room. My mom was cradling and rocking me, much like Craig was doing now. I remember my dad telling her after a couple minutes to stop babying me and get me back to bed so he could sleep. I hugged Craig tightly. I was so glad he wasn’t like my dad. I’ve done the worst thing I could do to Craig and he’s still trying to make ME feel better. I never did anything bad to my real dad and he still never cared about me as much as Craig, who I became friends with just 8 months ago. Once again, I wished Craig could be the loving supportive dad I never had. I finally had that with Craig and then blew it.
After holding me in silence for several minutes, Craig said he was thirsty. We headed down to the kitchen and each grabbed a drink and returned to the living room.
“Okay,” he said. “Where were we? I think we were at Cam being angry you didn’t tell him right away? Then what?”
“Well, like I said, he was mad as hell. Now that I think about it, he might have been more bothered that I didn’t tell him about it right off than he was about us doing it.”
“Well, that kind of makes sense,” Craig answered. “I mean if you had told him right after you sucked me that first time, and he didn’t like it, would you have stopped doing more?”
“Probably,” I said softly. Then a thought entered my mind. “Maybe I didn’t tell him because I was afraid that he might tell me not to do more. You know, subconsciously or something, without even thinking about it.”
“Because you wanted to do more?” Craig suggested.
“Yeah, duh. I loved doing it with you Craig. It was amazing.”
“I know. I loved it too Max. But you can see how that looks selfish to Cam right?”
“I do NOW. I didn’t think it all the way through, I guess. As usual.” It was like deciding to blow Eduardo on the beach. I didn’t think that through either. It was just another reason to be down on myself.
“Well, sometimes one learns the hard way Max. I think we are both learning some hard lessons right now. Did you at least tell Cam that you started it? That I let you initiate it always?”
“Yeah, but that didn’t seem to matter to him. He said you were a pervert and that you were probably only being my friend to get into my pants. He said you probably took me to Mexico just hoping something would happen. I tried to tell him no way, but he didn’t believe me. He said you sure as hell didn’t stop once we began.”
“Well, he does have a point there,” Craig answered. “I could have stopped you. I should have. But I didn’t. I failed us too.”
“But did you Craig?” I asked meekly, not completely sure I wanted to know the answer.
“Did I what?”
“Just be friends with me, you know, knowing I was gay and hoping for a chance to do sex stuff? And take me to Mexico where nobody would know?”
“Well, what do you think Max?” Craig asked blankly, with little reaction.
“No. Well, I don’t think so anyway. If I wouldn’t have started it, I don’t think anything would have ever happened. Right?” I asked, not being completely certain.
“That’s right. But Cam is correct too. I could have stopped it after that first time and I didn’t. But no Max, it wasn’t all some sinister plot. I promise. Can I explain something to you?”
“Sure.”
“Laying all this out is probably ridiculously stupid of me, given the circumstances,” Craig said. I could tell he was tensing up a little. Whatever he was going to tell me must be really important. I could feel it. “Max, I’ve been into boys your age, and well a little younger, since I was a boy myself. For some reason, as I grew older those attractions never went away. I still think middle school boys are about the cutest people on the planet.”
“Me too,” I grinned.
“Right, but it’s who you should be attracted to,” he answered. “I kind of alluded to this in Madison. Hearing about you and Cam did remind me of fond memories. That is true. But hearing the details of what you guys were doing was arousing on their own as well. So, anyway, the nice term for people like me is boy-lover. I am attracted to boys like most men are attracted to women. That attraction works on a lot of levels. I like just being around boys. When we go on vacation to the beach, I always play volleyball and other games and talk to as many boys at the resort as I can. It’s fun, harmless fun. But do I ever do anything with any of them?”
“No. I doubt it.” I answered.
“Of course not! Never! I’ve watched Noah and Jackson grow up and I love being around them. But do you think I’ve done anything with either of them?”
I shook my head.
“Exactly. I might have enjoyed thinking about it a few times, but I’d never do it for real. But I still always LOVED being around them. Understand? Do you know I’d never even seen Noah naked until we went swimming a few weeks ago? And I’ve never seen Jackson, ever.”
“But you looked? At Noah?”
“Well of course I looked. I couldn’t resist. 12 years of curiosity finally satisfied. But I didn’t stare or make it awkward for Noah. I made sure it was harmless.”
“Yeah. Noah has a thick one, huh” I said, laughing.
He grinned a little. “Yeah he does. So, anyway back to you. Did the fact that I’m attracted to boys have something to do with me wanting to mentor you? Of course it did. But just like with Noah and Jackson, I certainly never planned on any type of actual sexual encounter. And then, Mexico just kind of blew up. When you broke the ice Max, it was like the floodgates opened and I just couldn’t help myself. I was weak and I should have been stronger.”
“But I loved making love with you. There was nothing wrong with it,” I replied adamantly.
“I’m glad you think so. At least for now. You might change your mind as you get older. I hope you don’t, but who knows.”
“I’ll never change my mind Craig. Ever. I love you. There was nothing wrong with what we did!”
“Well, it felt very right to me too. Unfortunately, nobody else would understand how a boy your age and a grown man like me having sex could be ‘right’. My wife wouldn’t. My kids wouldn’t. Your mom sure as hell wouldn’t. Cam didn’t, clearly. It’s why I really needed you to keep it a secret.”
“I’m sorry,” I replied, looking down, dejected again. I realized just how badly I had blown it for Craig.
“So how did the argument end with Cam?” he asked.
“He basically kicked me out of his house, after he dumped me. He told me he never wanted to see me or talk to me again.” Reliving Cam’s dumping of me all over again made my eyes tear up. “I walked all the way home on my bad ankle.”
“You should have called me,” he said sternly.
“I would have had to tell you what happened and I was afraid you’d be angry.”
“I would have been. But you should have called me anyway. So have you talked to him since?”
“No. He blocked me on everything. I tried to tell him again how sorry I am. I want him back Craig. I love him.”
“I know. It sounds like he is pretty dead set on not taking you back. So do you know if he’s told anyone else about us in Mexico?”
I shook my head. “Not that I know of. Noah saw him on Tuesday and he didn’t say a word to him about any of this. I’m not really sure who he would tell.”
“Me either. Maybe his parents? Maybe Noah just to get even with me, or you? Maybe Spencer or Ian so they think badly of you? If he tells anyone it’s sure to get passed around. It’s too juicy of a story.”
“Yeah. I can’t see him telling his mom. Maybe his dad. I’m hoping he just keeps it to himself.”
“Yeah, well me too. So nobody has contacted you? Your mom isn’t acting weird or anything?”
I shook my head again. “No. Nothing unusual at all.”
“Okay, well I did some research this week on what to do in this situation.”
“And?” I asked.
“Well, it seems the best thing to do would be to stay away from you for a while Max. It would look better if I limited my contact so it didn’t look like as if I trying to manipulate you, in case things get crazy.”
“But you’re not manipulating me.”
“Not exactly, but it’s a matter of how it would look Max.”
“So we can’t be friends?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t say that exactly. But we probably need to back it off. A lot.”
“But what will my mom think if you just disappear?” I asked, my eyes starting to tear up, again.
“Well, I’m going to have to be really busy at work for a while, if you get my drift. That’s somewhat true anyway. It will explain why I’m not seeing you to my wife too. I’ll have to go in on weekends some just to make it look good.”
“Okay. For how long Craig?”
“I don’t know. Honestly Max, maybe it would be best if it was forever, so neither of us are tempted again.”
“NO! Craig! Please!” I begged and started to cry.
“We’ll see. But for now we have to try to be apart. I’m sorry. What I need to know more than anything is what you will do if Cam tells his parents and the authorities get involved.”
“You mean like the police?”
“Yeah Max. I mean the police.”
“I’ll tell them I made it all up.”
“Max,” he frowned at me. “That’s the worst idea ever. For one, you are a horrible liar and two, why would you tell Cam such a lie when he was your boyfriend? If you were going to make things up or lie to him, you’d just say Eduardo showed you or something. You’ve always told Cam everything. Hell you tell ME everything. You really don’t do well keeping secrets. The best thing might just be to refuse to talk to them.”
Craig was wrong about that. I never told him about Armando trying to force me into giving him a blow job! I’ve never told him about giving one to Noah or Jackson either and I’m pretty sure I never even told him about Cam and I fucking Spencer. “I keep some secrets. Even from you Craig,” I replied.
“Oh right,” he replied, challenging me. “Like what?”
While I couldn’t tell him about Jackson or Noah, I suddenly felt the urge to tell him about the incident with Armando. I think part of the reason was because I hoped he would feel sorry for me, and maybe not be as angry. “There’s something that happened in Mexico I never told you about. Something bad.”
“Worse than getting caught on the beach with Eduardo’s dick in your mouth?”
“Yeah. Worse than that. Remember how the last couple days we were there, after Eduardo left, I begged you to go into town? I wanted to avoid being at the resort.”
“Why?”
“You remember Armando?”
“Sure. What about him?”
“Well, he’s a real prick that’s what.”
“Huh?”
“He asked me to help him get the nets to play water polo. Then he cornered me in this storage room. It was the day after getting busted on the beach. He knew all about it,” I started. “The guard must have told him.” I did my best impression of a Mexican speaking English. “I hear you like Mexican dick muchacho. How about a little sucky sucky for your favorite staff?”
Craig became alarmed. “What? He said that?”
“Or maybe you like to fuck instead,” I continued in my Mexican accented English. “You been showing off your ass in that Speedo all week. I bet you like it. I make you howl good.”
“Max! Oh my god! He really came onto you like that?”
“Yes. I may not have the exact words, but it was something like that. He even pulled his dick out and was waving it at me. And he grabbed my arm.”
“Holy Shit! Then what happened?”
“Well, like I said, he tried to trap me in the room and grabbed me by the arm, but I managed to knee him in the balls and ran back to the pool.”
“Jesus Max. That’s horrible! Why didn’t you tell me? We could have done something about it!”
“I couldn’t. You were already mad at me. It was the night after our fight and I was already so disappointed that I had let you down. Plus, I thought it WAS my fault. I HAD been parading around in a Speedo. I did get caught on the beach. I didn’t want to ruin your vacation so I just kept it to myself. It wasn’t that big of a deal.”
“The hell it wasn’t Max. You should have told me. We could have decided what to do about it together. Did you warn Eduardo?”
“Hell no! I didn’t want him freaking out again. He was leaving the next day, so as long as we stayed away that night, I figured he was safe. But I was really relieved once he left and I knew he escaped safely.”
“So you didn’t tell anyone about this?”
“I told Cam about it. He told me I should tell you.”
“He was right. I’m really sorry that happened to you Max. I bet you were scared.”
“It was freaky. He was being so forceful. It gave me the creeps. That’s the funny thing,” I replied.
“What?”
“I thought Armando was cool before that. If he had just been chill and like told me the guard was telling people and asked nicely, I might have sucked him. But not after being trapped like that. I didn’t like that at all.”
Craig pulled me up and gave me a hug. “I’m so sorry Max. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that. Does it still bother you? Do you still think about it? Do you need to talk about it more?”
“Not really. Honestly, it’s nothing compared to this mess. Can we please still be friends and hang out? Please?” I begged. I hoped that telling him about Armando would make him pity me.
“Hopefully, we can eventually get back to that. But for now I need to stick to the plan of staying away. I’m sorry Max,” he replied.
“Yeah,” I groaned sadly.
“There’s one more thing Max. Do you still have the letter you sent me? The real letter.”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Well, that letter is pretty incriminating. Go get it.” I ran up to my room and grabbed the letter I had written to Craig. I also grabbed the wadded-up first draft of my note to Cam.
I gave him the letters. He looked at the papers and was clearly confused there were so many pages. “That’s the one I tried to write to Cam,” I explained.
Craig started reading it and quickly became alarmed. “Jesus Christ Max, please tell me you didn’t send this to anyone. This lays out everything we did and it’s in your own handwriting. I’d get the firing squad if this fell into the wrong hands.”
“I know. I thought of that and that’s why I rewrote it and took out your name and anything that made it seem like you.”
“And you sent this new letter to Cam?”
“I tried, but he blocked me so it didn’t go through.”
“Where the hell is it? I need to see it.” I could tell Craig was not happy with me.
I shook my head. “I don’t have it any more,” I told him, looking at my feet, scared to see what his reaction would be.
“What the hell do you mean you don’t have it?” he demanded angrily.
“Noah was over yesterday and he said he would take it to Cam and make him read it. I gave it to him.”
Craig’s eyes bulged. “What? Noah knows all about this?” He was clearly agitated.
“No! I only told him we broke up. Not WHY.”
“Are you sure this letter that Noah has doesn’t mention me or make it obvious who you are talking about?”
“Yes. Well I think so,” I replied. But the truth was, I wasn’t sure. I was exhausted when I wrote it and in a serious funk. I could hardly remember now what it said exactly.
“You THINK so? You FUCKING think so Max? Jesus! I can’t believe you!” Craig yelled.
“I’m sorry. I just wanted Cam back so bad,” I replied, bawling, upset that I’d let Craig down, again.
Craig paced my living room running his fingers through his hair. “When did you give this to him?”
“Yesterday. Why?”
“So he hasn’t given it to Cam then, right?”
“No. They are gone to Wisconsin. To Noah’s Uncle’s cabin.”
“Shit. Right. I forgot. Okay then, we’re going to Noah’s house right now and getting that damn letter. You can tell Noah I took you over to get it because you changed your mind about sending it and wanted to make sure he didn’t get it to Cam before you could stop him.”
“Okay,” I nodded.
***
We drove to Craig’s house. Craig was very agitated and muttered under his breath all the way over there about lots of things. He rambled about how he was so glad he took the day off so nobody would be home at his house. He reminded me how I must be a fool to put so many things down in writing. He admonished himself for being stupid enough to put so much trust into a 14-year-old boy. He was really frustrated with me again and it hurt, a lot. I sat quietly not sure what to say. I just hoped we could find the letter.
He parked his car and we walked over to Noah’s. Craig punched in the garage door code. I noticed that they hadn’t changed it since I fed their old cat Clyde a few years ago when they were gone. We closed the door behind us and went inside. It felt a little strange being in their house when it was empty, at least without them knowing.
We went upstairs to Noah’s room. It was a little messier than usual. He usually keeps his room super clean, kind of like I do, but dirty clothes were scattered all over the floor. “Well, let’s find this letter so I can get you home,” Craig suggested. “What does it look like?”
“It’s just in a plain white envelope with Cam’s name on the outside,” I replied as I looked around on top of his dresser, chest, and cabinet. “I don’t see it.”
“Maybe he hid it just to make sure his mom didn’t read it. Noah IS smart like that,” Craig answered. “Check the desk. I’ll look under the bed.”
I checked the bottom two desk drawers and didn’t see it. I was carefully looking through the messy pencil drawer, trying not to disturb things too much when I heard Craig exclaim “Ewww!”
I turned to him and he was on his knees, holding up an old brown hand towel. It was wrinkled, dotted with white specks and seemed stuck together in places. It took me a minute to realize what Craig had found under the bed. Noah must be trying not to go through Kleenex too fast and he’s resorted to using an old towel to wipe up his cum when he jerks it. It was kind of funny to me that Craig found it. “Oh man,” I exclaimed, laughing. “Noah would die if he knew you found his garmuc!”
“His what?” Craig asked, looking confused.
“Garmuc. You know, cum rag. You never heard of a garmuc? It’s cumrag, spelled backwards.”
Craig shook his head. “Sorry, I must have missed that one.” He surprised me by actually smelling the rag. “Yep, that’s a cumrag alright,” he pronounced. I’m not sure why he felt the need to confirm with a smell test. I was pretty damn obvious what it was, at least to me. He reached back under the bed and pulled out one of these electric massagers. The cord was still plugged in behind his bed still. “Well, I guess that explains what he’s been using this for,” Craig commenting, turning it off and on a few times. “I don’t think it’s for a sore back.”
For some reason I didn’t like how Craig was making a point of pointing out the private stuff of Noah’s he was finding. I know I was probably wasn’t one to be talking, but it just seemed disrespectful to me for some reason and I felt like I should be defending Noah’s privacy. He could have just ignored those things. It wasn’t what we were here for. “Just put that stuff back,” I suggested rather sternly before adding a softer “please.”
I finished checking the desk. “It’s not in here.”
“Where would you hide a letter Max?” Craig asked. “Think like a 14-year-old.”
“Very funny. First place I’d hide it would be my desk. Then maybe inside a book. Or in my backpack” I replied.
“Good thoughts,” Craig replied and then looked around the room. “I don’t see any books, so that’s out.” He went to Noah’s closet and found his backpack hanging up but it was empty. “Any more ideas?”
It hit me. “Underwear drawer. I’ve hidden things underneath my underwear before. Nobody is going to want to look through a guy’s underwear.”
“Nobody?” Craig asked.
“You know what I mean. MOST people.” I knew Noah kept his underwear in his top dresser drawer. I’d seen him pull a clean pair out of there a dozen times. I pulled it open and carefully shifted around the short stacks of neatly folded boxer briefs and voila, there it was.
“Yes, I’m a genius!” I exclaimed as I pulled the letter out, excited to show Craig that I had found it. I knew it would make him happy and relieved, and after the way the afternoon had gone, that is something I desperately wanted. But when I pulled it out and held it up to Craig, I noticed something. The envelope was taped shut on the back. A long strip of scotch tape was placed along both seal lines. I know for certain I didn’t tape it shut when I gave it to Noah. I gasped. Noah had opened it and read it! “Oh my god!” I said to myself. I would never have though Noah would do that.
“Is that it? Is something wrong?”
“Yeah, that’s it. That’s my handwriting on the outside. See I wrote Cam’s name with a green sharpie,” I replied.
“You’re acting like something is wrong Max,” he said sternly.
“No, it’s nothing. This is it,” I replied. I couldn’t possibly tell Craig what I was thinking. I still wasn’t sure if I had done a good enough job on the final version of the letter making sure Craig wasn’t mentioned or identifiable.
Craig stared at me. “Max. Remember how I told you earlier you were a terrible liar? Well I can tell something is wrong right now. Out with it,” he demanded, his arms crossed.
I sighed deeply. It was no use. “It’s just that I don’t remember taping it shut.” I turned the envelope around and showed him the back. “See.”
“Oh shit. So that means Noah got curious and opened it and then added the tape to seal it back up. He read your letter Max.”
I nodded. That was my assumption as well. Though to be honest, I didn’t think Noah would betray me like this. It hurt to think it was even possible. I thought the text conversation I had with Noah this morning while he was riding in the car. Did he seem like something was wrong? He was pretty quiet, even for Noah. Ugh!
“Well,” Craig said, snatching the letter from me. “Let’s see what Noah might have learned.” He tore open the letter and sat down on Noah’s unmade bed and started reading. He reached to the end of the first page without reacting, but then his hands started shaking. “Oh sweet mother of god, NO! God dammit Max!” he exclaimed before reading a line from my letter out loud. “He wouldn’t have taken me to Mexico just to fuck me.” He looked at me angrily. “Who else took you to Mexico Max? Huh? Who could that be? Damn it Max,” he yelled, wadding up the letter. “It was bad enough having another teenager know what we did. Now it appears I have to deal with two.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I screamed, real tears flowing down my face. I hated myself. Everything I try to do just ends up a mess because I always seem to fuck it all up. I ran out of Noah’s room and down the stairs and out to the garage. I sat on the stoop in the near darkness and sobbed. Craig hates me now more than ever and I know we will never be able to fix it. As I sat in the garage with my head buried in my hands, it hit me that this was where Craig and I had our first great conversation after I admitted I wanted a boyfriend at last year’s New Year’s Eve party. Right here in this garage was where our friendship began. And it appeared to be where it would end. I dreaded what Craig would say to me when he came down.
** End of Chapter 26 **
Author’s notes:
Whew, poor Max. His heart is in the right place. He keeps trying so hard to do the right thing only to have it backfire, largely from being a careless teenager. Is Noah’s friendship even in jeopardy now? Will Max have anyone left that he really cares about? Can it get much worse?
I’ll eventually get around to Craig’s side of these events too. He’s naturally in quite a panic.
And for anyone worried this tale is turning into a downward spiral of infinite sadness, things will start to look up a little in the next Chapter. (After all, Max does have Spencer coming over to his house! That horny little hottie can cheer anyone up!) Max has a few more experiences to learn from, but it WILL get better for him. And in case you missed it in note at the end of the last chapter, I did promise a happy ending.
Thanks as always for the continued feedback craigpnifty@protonmail.com