Max’s Awakening #29

by craigpnifty@protonmail.com

(with J)

Author’s notes:

I know it has been a while since the last update… I feel like we’ve been working on this chapter for months…oh, wait, we have!  It is a very long chapter, and we also wrote most of Craig’s side at the same time to ensure congruence.  So, the next chapter of Max’s Freudian Slip is not far from being submitted as well, for those of you following both stories. 

This chapter is long enough that I’ve split it into 3 parts (Section I, II, III) to make it easier for those who don’t have time to read it all in one sitting.  It honestly should be three separate chapters (or maybe even 4), but I promised resolution to the drama in the ‘next’ chapter and didn’t want to go back on my word.

Many continued thanks to J, whose edits and ideas continue to make this story what it has become.

Enjoy. 

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***

At the end of chapter 28, Max showed up for a sleepover at Noah’s, only to receive quite a shock:

I followed Jackson into their kitchen and dropped my bag on the floor by the steps up to Noah’s room.  “They are in the basement,” he said.  They?  Who else was here besides Noah?  Did Jackson invite a friend too?  Did Noah finally grow some balls and invite Ashley over?

I bounced down the steps.  “Hey!  Hey!” I yelled, “let’s get this party started.” 

When I reach the door to their basement, I froze.  Sitting next to Noah on the couch, PlayStation controller in his hand, was Cam.

“Cam,” I said, shocked.  “What –“ I began to speak, before my words escaped me.

He was just as surprised.  “What’s he doing here?” he asked, angrily staring at Noah.

Chapter 29

Section I

Noah stood up and threw his controller onto the chair.  “Both of you,” he said sternly, pointing at each of us.  “Sit down and shut the hell up, because I’m fucking tired of you both being so damn depressing to be around.”  I’ve never seen Noah be this forceful.  He has always been the mellow type.

I wasn’t sure what Noah was going to say, but I wasn’t exactly happy that he didn’t tell me Cam would be here.  I would have been more prepared with something profound if I knew.  “What the hell is this?” Cam asked before Noah could begin.  “Did you two cook up this sleepover just to trick me?  I told you yesterday I didn’t want to talk to him.”

“Hey, I’m just as confused as you are,” I declared as I took a seat on the back of the L-shaped couch.  Sitting down brought me within a few feet of Cam, close enough that the familiar scent of his deodorant made its way to my nose. 

It must have reminded me of better times, because I soon realized I was smiling at Cam.  “What?” he asked me in a nasty tone when he noticed.

“Nothing,” I replied, wiping the smile from my face.  I was glad I was sitting on the back of the couch.  It was acting as a barrier between Cam and I.  It made it a little less uncomfortable.

“He didn’t know, Cam,” Noah said firmly.  “This was my idea.  Yes, I know what you said yesterday.  And I also know how much of a total downer it was hanging out with you.  Do you even know how unhappy you are?”

“Me?!  I’m fine!” Cam protested. 

“No, you’re not,” Noah retorted.  “And neither is he.  I’ve hung out with each of you since the break up and you are both miserable.  Oh, you go through the motions, playing games or whatever.  But it’s not the same.  Neither of you crack jokes any more.  And you hardly laugh at mine.  Not that I care if you laugh at my dumb cracks, but I can tell both of your minds are somewhere else.  Max is the toughest person I know.  I’ve never seen him cry until this week, over you,” he said, staring at Cam.  “I’m tired of walking on eggshells.  When I’m with one of you, I have to be careful not to mention the other.”

I didn’t realize I came off as depressed when I was with Noah.  I thought we were having fun playing games and going to the pool.  I was probably quieter than normal.  I was likely acting the same way when I was with Spencer, only he wasn’t afraid to call me out on it.  Was Noah trying to be polite and give me some space? 

Hanging with my best friend had been some of the best parts of the last two weeks.  It was a slap in the face to hear he didn’t find our time together nearly as enjoyable.  I glanced at Cam.  I could tell Noah’s words rung true with him as well.  He closed his eyes and breathed a heavy sigh.

Noah continued.  “Cam, I’ve known Max since we were two and I’ve never seen him happier than when the two of you were together.  Earlier this year, I was down because I thought Max didn’t want to be my friend any more.  I thought he was ignoring and blowing me off.  My mom tried to explain that friends often drift apart in middle school.  She was even worried Max had fallen into a bad crowd.  But then, I discovered he was spending all his time with you.  While I was sad, I had never seen Max more content.  Even all the drama with his dad’s stuff didn’t seem to faze him once he met you.”  Noah was right, meeting Cam (and Craig) did help take my focus off my dad.

Noah continued.  “When Max introduced us and we became friends, I was ecstatic.  Not only did I have Max back, but I gained another awesome friend as well.  This summer was a blast and it’s because of the fun things the three of us did together.”

“We can still be friends,” Cam replied.  “I don’t have to be HIS boyfriend for that.”

“Yeah, we’ll always be friends Noah,” I added.

“Look, I like hanging with both of you, but there’s something different when all three of us are together.  There’s an energy I can’t describe.  You may not see it, or want to admit it, but you two bring out the best in each other.  I don’t get the sex part and I know people think it’s stupid when kids our age claim to love each other, but it was obvious with you two it was legit.  It wasn’t just infatuation or lust.  There is a spark between you.  Your happiness spreads to people who are around you.  At least it does for me.”

Noah paused for a moment and looked back and forth at each of us.  When neither of us responded, other than by hanging our heads, he continued.  “You both are so messed up.  I mean you should hear yourselves.  Both of you have mentioned quitting gymnastics.  Are you guys completely crazy?  Do you know what a waste of talent that would be?  You have to figure out how to coexist.”

I was shocked Cam also mentioned giving up gymnastics.  I never would have thought he was considering quitting too.  I guess it is a sign of how much I care about him, because I was actually angry with him for even thinking about it.  I looked over at him.  He was looking at me and quickly glanced away.  I wondered if he was thinking the same thing about me. 

“I don’t see why we can’t just do things with you one on one,” Cam muttered.

“Well, that doesn’t work very well for me,” Noah answered.  “What am I supposed to do?  Alternate which one of you I invite to parties and sleepovers?  Cam gets the birthday party this year and Max can come for New Year’s?  I’m not going to be like some kid getting his calendar divided up by his divorced parents.  I want things back like they were.”

“Yeah, well, after what he did?  Not happening,” Cam responded.

“Can you at least hear him out?  He wrote you a long letter but I lost it.  So please, for me, just listen to what he has to say.”  I thought it was nice of Noah to mention the letter, and take the blame for its disappearance. 

Cam sighed.  “Okay, fine!” he said bitterly, pulling his knees to his chest. 

I struggled to find the words to start.  If Noah had warned me, I could have practiced a good apology.  I tried my best to remember what I wrote in the letter.  “I’m sorry, Cam.  Truly.  This is all my fault and I was so stupid, not thinking things through.  I would do anything to go back and do it all over.  I know I never should have done stuff with Craig or hid it from you.  It’s ruined my whole life,” I said, looking straight at him.  He was staring between his knees with his arms crossed.  I was keeping it together, barely.  “But the worst part is, I hurt you.  I broke your trust and was arrogant enough to think you wouldn’t care.  I don’t have an excuse other than I’m a dumb ass who made a bunch of mistakes.”

I took a breath to keep my composure and glanced at Noah.  He gave me a subtle nod.

“I don’t know what else I can say, other than I love and miss you.  You’re one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I just want to fix this - to fix us,” I croaked.  Tears welled in my eyes, and I was almost whispering, “Please.  Just tell me what to do to make this better and I’ll do it.”

“Hmph,” Cam grunted.  “I still can’t believe you let a grown man fuck you.  You know that was just for us.”

“Is that so?” Noah interjected.  “Did you forget about when I spent the night when Max was gone?”

“What about it?  I sucked you off.  So what!  I told Max all about it.  And I told him you even gave it a try.”

“Yeah, but then you said if I didn’t want to suck you, maybe I should let you buttfuck me, remember?”

“I was joking!” Cam replied.

“You were only sort of joking.  You were half-serious too.  Maybe more than half.  If I had said okay, you would have busted my cherry on the spot.”

“Not true!”

Noah stared at him.  “Yeah, and a polygraph test would say you are lying, wouldn’t it?”

Cam looked away.  “Okay, so what, maybe I would have.  But I would also have told him all about it, immediately.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s not like you said okay anyway.”

“Yes, it does!” I exclaimed.  “If fucking was just for us, how come you were willing to do it with MY best friend?  Besides, we both screwed Spencer before we even did it to each other.”

“What?” Noah asked under his breath, a look of surprise coming over him.  I guess neither of us had ever mentioned having sex with Spencer.  I’m don’t think he even knows Spencer is gay.

“At least they are our age!” Cam retorted.

“Knock it off!” Noah said, regaining control.  “Jesus, I’d let both of you fuck me right now if you would just forgive each other and get back together.  I’ll bend over right here and take it up the ass if you both just stop being stupid.  It doesn’t hurt that bad, right?” he added grinning.  “I mean it’s not like either of you have a dick as thick as mine.” 

He paused.  I wasn’t sure if he was serious or not.  I told you how Noah can seemingly joke about anything, at any time.  “C’mon guys, can’t you see neither of you are perfect?  Can’t you both just apologize and forgive each other?  Maybe set some firm ground rules so this doesn’t happen again?”  Noah stopped and looked at both of us.  I nodded.  It was exactly what I hoped for, but Cam only shrugged. 

“You make each other better and happier.  Are you really going to throw away all the good things you had because of some miscommunication and mistakes?  What if you both grow up and never find someone that makes you as happy as you were two months ago?  Think of the incredible, romantic love story you might be able to tell in 10 years, or 20 years.  Don’t you get that you might forever regret never trying to patch things up?”

I looked at Cam, hoping Noah’s words would have the right effect.  They didn’t.  “We were just foolish kids making stupid plans.  Nobody’s first love works out.  I don’t even care about him anymore.”  That stung.  How can he so easily cast me aside when I care so much?  When we had something so special?  It occurred to me that maybe it was never as meaningful to Cam as it was for me.

“Yes, you do Cam,” Noah replied.  “If you hated him as much as you are pretending, you would have destroyed him with what you know.  And he cares about you too.”  Noah grabbed the bag of souvenirs from behind the couch.  “Look, Max got these for you in Mexico.  I was supposed to take them to you but forgot.  If he didn’t care about you, he would have thrown them in the trash.  Here,” he said handing the bag to Cam.

Cam took the bag and removed the Texans blanket.  “I don’t even like them anymore,” he said and thew it on the couch.  He pulled out the Cozumel ceramic sign and briefly looked at it.  “Whatever,” he added and tossed it to the couch.  His throw came up short and it bounced on the front of the sofa and landed on the tile floor, splitting in two.  The crack ran right through the heart in the O.  How perfectly fucking symbolic. 

“You know Noah, maybe we should be boyfriends,” Cam suggested.  I know he was just saying that to piss me off.

It was all too much.  Cam’s refusal to accept my apology, his indifference to my gifts, and the breaking of the ceramic right through the heart.  “Fuck this!” I yelled.  “I don’t need this shit.  Cam, you are right back to being the complete asshole you were when you first moved here.  I can’t believe I put so much energy into trying to win you back.  I’m leaving!” I added, as tears ran from my eyes. 

“Good,” Cam retorted.  “Why don’t you run next door to daddy?  God!  You sure seem to have a thing for father figures who like having sex with kids.  Maybe I should introduce you to my math teacher.”  I gasped.  I couldn’t believe he brought up my dad and implied I’d have sex with just any man.

“Dammit Cam!” Noah yelled.

I ran upstairs, furious.  “Max, wait,” Noah yelled, running after me.  I grabbed my bag from the landing.  “Where are you going?” he asked, blocking my path to the door.

“Home.  This was a terrible idea,” I answered, sobbing.  I was enraged.  “How could you have blindsided me like this?  You knew Cam wasn’t ready or interested and you tricked me into coming here just to watch me be rejected and humiliated.”

“Well, excuse me!  I’m sorry.  You said you wanted a chance to talk to Cam in person.  I gave it to you,” Noah replied angrily, before regaining his composure.  “This isn’t how I imagined tonight going down.  I thought it would work and we would have the best sleepover ever.”

“Well it didn’t,” I replied.  “And that should have been obvious.”  I rammed his shoulder, pushing him aside, and barged out the door.

***

By the time I made it to Noah’s driveway, tears were running down my face and I was crying so hard it was tough to breath.  My chest felt tight.  I would manage one deep breath only to have it followed by a burst of shallow ones as I bawled uncontrollably.  I rushed towards Craig’s house, breaking into a run as I climbed the small incline leading to his sidewalk.  It was difficult to see.  I’m not sure if it was because of my watery eyes, or part of being so upset. 

As I crested the hill, I heard the broadcast of the Twins game blaring through the open garage door.  Craig had a TV above his workbench, so I assumed he was out there working.  I was relieved.  It was unlikely that Kim would be in the garage too, and I didn’t want her to see me crying.  I am not sure how I could explain it.

I altered my course, veering away from the front door.  I wiped my face, which I realized was pointless, and took a deep breath.  “Craig,” I yelled as I rounded the corner.  “I need… YOU,” I blurted out as I entered the garage.  Through my blurry eyes, I saw Craig close the door to his fridge and turn to me, holding a beer.

“Max!  Oh my god!  What are you doing here?” he asked as dropped the beer and came towards me.  “What’s wrong?”

I lurched toward him, burying my face into his chest.  My tears soaked his shirt.  He held me quietly for a few seconds.  Just being back in his arms was comforting.  “Relax Max, relax,” he whispered as he held me, his hand stroking my back.  “What happened?  Are you hurt?”

I shook my head.  I tried to explain what had happened, but I was still sobbing too much for it to make any sense.  I think I might have managed to vocalize about a third of the words I intended.  I imagined it sounded something like: “Noah’s… spend night… Cam…dump… fucking asshole… presents….broke… didn’t warn… wish I was never born… home please,” with each phrase uttered between sobs.

“Shhh now, calm down,” Craig whispered as he stroked my hair and squeezed me tighter.

“You were at Noah’s too?” I heard another voice ask.  A man’s voice.  I was surprised.  I thought Craig and I were alone.  I looked up and realized it was Mr. Rice, Cam’s dad.  He was sitting on a folding chair, looking back at Craig and I, beer in hand.  I turned further and realized his SUV was parked at the end of the driveway.  He must have dropped Cam off and then stopped in to talk to Craig.  I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before.  This night keeps getting worse.

I nodded my head.  “Yes sir,” I managed to add, before looking away from him and leaning back into Craig.

“I don’t know what the hell is going on,” Mr. Rice commented, confused.  “I thought it was just Cam Noah invited.  He didn’t say anything about you coming.”  The way he said it seemed spiteful. 

“Let’s give him a chance to calm down, huh?” Craig suggested.

None of us spoke for a couple minutes.  The only sound was the wind blowing through the garage and the call of Miguel Sano going deep for the Twins.  I knew Craig and Bob were both waiting for an explanation.

“So, you were at Noah’s?” Craig eventually asked, trying to get the details of what transpired.  I nodded.

“And Cam was there too, obviously?” he continued.

“Yes,” I managed to mutter.  I was glad he was asking me simple questions and not making me explain it all.

“Did you know he was going to be there?”

“Nuh uh,” I replied shaking my head.  “Can you just take me home,” I pleaded.  I wanted out of there.

“In a bit.  And Cam didn’t know you were coming?”

“No,” I answered.  “He didn’t know.”

“Hmm.  I’m guessing Noah was trying to get you guys back together?”

“Yes, but it blew up.  Really bad.  Please, can we go?”

“Well shit,” Mr. Rice replied with a sigh.  “I was hoping you would change your mind and get back with Cam myself,” he said. 

 “My mind?” I asked.

“It wasn’t his mind to change,” Craig added immediately.

“What?  Didn’t YOU break up with Cam?  I hated to hear that.  You two were so good for each other.”

Craig thankfully answered for me.  “It was Cam who dumped Max, Bob.”

“What?!” he replied.  “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Craig answered as I just nodded.

“Son of a bitch!  Cam lied to me,” Mr. Rice blurted.  I could tell he was becoming angry.  “He said you found a new boyfriend on vacation.”  I guess that part wasn’t a total fabrication.  “He’s been moping around for two weeks and I thought it was because YOU dumped HIM.”

I shook my head, which was still partially buried in Craig’s chest and glanced over at Mr. Rice.  I’d finally gotten control of my breathing.  “Well, after what just happened, I probably WOULD dump him,” I began, sniffling.  “He’s acting like a complete jerk.  I bought him a cool ceramic thing and a Texans blanket.  He broke the ceramic thing and said he hates the Texans.  He said mean things about my dad and then he asked Noah to be his boyfriend right in front of me, even though Noah is straight, just to piss me off.” 

Mr. Rice shook his head, fuming.  “He doesn’t fucking hate the Texans.  He just had me order him a Deshaun Watson jersey.  Argh!”

I could tell Mr. Rice’s anger was growing.  It was as if I was turning his own father against him.  I know it’s petty, but it gave me a boost.  I decided to tell him more.  “Cam dumped me the day after you got back from Texas.  He kicked me out of your house and I had to walk home on my bad ankle.  It put me out of gymnastics for another week and a half.”

“Jesus Christ!  I’m going to go have a talk with my son,” Mr. Rice declared. 

The thought of Mr. Rice jumping down Cam’s throat was satisfying.  For some reason, Craig tried to dissuade him.  “Maybe we should let the boys solve their own problems,” he said to Mr. Rice.  I looked up at him and frowned.  I wasn’t sure why he would try to stop him.  I liked the idea of him marching next door and dragging Cam out by his ear.

I need not have worried.  Mr. Rice was on a mission.  “Oh, they can figure it out, but Cam doesn’t have to be a cruel, lying douche bag while they do!” he barked.  He chugged the rest of his beer and threw the can forcefully into to the recycle bin.  “I didn’t raise him to act like that.  Max,” he said, looking right me.  “I’m sorry.  I’ll catch up with you later Craig,” he added and stormed out.

I looked up at Craig.  “Can you take me home now?  Please?”

“Sure.  Let me get my car keys,” Craig answered as he broke our embrace.

As Craig and I separated, I realized Kim was standing in the doorway.  “Maybe you should stay here tonight Max,” she suggested.  “So your mother doesn’t worry.”

Craig seemed just as shocked by her presence as me.  I was in a panic at what she might have heard.  “Thanks, but I really just want to go home,” I replied, wiping my nose.  “My mom is out anyway, on a date,” I added.

“I’ll take him home,” Craig interjected.  “I’m going to get my keys.”

Craig walked inside and Kim came up to me.  She surprised me with a hug.  “You’ll be okay sweetie,” she assured me.  “Friends argue sometimes.  It will all turn out okay, you’ll see.” 

I wasn’t sure how much of the conversation she heard.  Did she think this was an argument between friends?  Between Noah and I?  Or did she hear the part about Cam dumping me?  Maybe she didn’t put it all together.  Fuck, I hope not!  Because she would tell Noah’s mom who would tell my mom.  This is not how I wanted to come out.

Craig reappeared a few seconds later.  Kim turned to go back inside but stopped to give Craig a brief hug and whispered something into his ear.  He grimaced and nodded.

***

We were a few blocks away when I asked Craig what Kim whispered.

“She said to take care of you,” he replied.  “She is worried.”

“Oh,” I replied.  It seemed like whatever she said troubled him.  Maybe I read his face wrong.  “Does she know?  That I’m gay?” I asked.

“Well, she didn’t,” he answered.  “I never told her.  But I don’t really know how much she heard back there.  Or how much she understood.  But I think it’s likely she does know, now.”

“Noooo!” I whined.  “She’ll tell Lisa!”

“I’ll send her a text when we get to your place and ask her to keep quiet until I get home, okay?”

“Thanks.  But you will have to tell her about me though, right?”

“I might have to tell her about you being gay, Cam, and the break up.  I’m not telling her about us, obviously.  I’ll say you cheated on Cam in Mexico with Eduardo or something like that.  She will keep quiet.  I’ll remind her that coming out is deeply personal and it is something that you are supposed to be in complete control of.”

“Okay,” I replied, before falling silent.  “One more question,” I said.  “Why didn’t you want Bob to go over and tear Cam a new one?  I was kind of enjoying the thought of that.”

Craig let out a loud sigh.  “Think Max.  What might Cam do to avoid getting his ass chewed?”

“I dunno.  Run away?” I answered with the first thing that popped into my head.

He shook his head.  “I guess that’s possible.  But I think he’s more likely to defend his behavior by telling his dad why you really broke up.”

“Oh,” I replied.  I hadn’t thought of that.  I suddenly felt bad about getting Mr. Rice so upset with Cam.  Once again, I acted without thinking and probably fucked up everything.  I thought it was a way of getting revenge, but now I see it could backfire.  “Sorry Craig,” I said as I started crying again.

“Nothing we can do about it now bud.  Let’s just get you home so you can relax,” he replied.  “I’ll deal with Bob if I have to,” he added.  It struck me as odd that he didn’t seem as worried as I thought he should be.  Craig was right.  Cam would totally tell our secret to save his hide.  Craig should be freaking out about it, but it seems like he isn’t worrying.  I think maybe he’s just trying to keep me calm.

As we drove the last mile to my house, I did something that I found unexpectedly gratifying.  I blocked Cam on every site I could.  Text, Snapchat, Instagram.  I didn’t want to ever talk to him again and I didn’t want him harassing me.  It wasn’t that I expected him to ever want me back, but the thought of him changing his mind and trying to contact me, only to find he couldn’t, made me happy.  It would be a small measure of revenge.

***

Craig pulled into my driveway and turned off the car.  I was surprised when he opened his door.  “You’re staying?” I asked.

“At least for a while,” he answered.  “If that’s all right with you.”

“Yeah.  Sure.  Thanks,” I answered.  It was a nice surprise.

Craig followed me in through the garage.  We kicked off our shoes and sat on the couch and turned on the TV.  Craig changed the channel to the game.  I noted that the Yankees had just finished scoring four runs in the fifth inning to tie the game, and then I rolled over and curled up against Craig.  I really didn’t give a damn about the game.  I just wanted Craig to hold me.  I was still upset about what happened at Noah’s, and now I was worried about Cam telling his dad our secret. 

I lay against Craig on the couch in silence.  He watched the game, making an occasional comment while he held me and gently stroked my back.  It was just what I needed.  I closed my eyes and enjoyed being comforted, all the while my mind raced, filled with concern.  I worried about Noah not wanting to be my friend after the spat in his kitchen.  I worried about Mr. Rice finding out and reporting what Craig and I did in Mexico.  I briefly thought about my Armando story.  Would I really be able to pull off that lie?

After the seventh inning stretch, Craig finally spoke.  “You want to tell me exactly what happened tonight, now that you’ve calmed down?” he asked.

I didn’t really want to talk about it any further.  I’d told him the basics back in his garage and there really wasn’t much else to say.  “Not really any more to tell.  Cam and I argued and then Noah and I argued.  Everyone hates me,” I replied, speaking into his chest.

He squeezed me tight.  “I don’t hate you.  I’m sure Noah doesn’t either.  Cam, well, I’m not sure about him.”

“I don’t even care about Cam,” I muttered as I pressed back into the warmth of Craig’s body and we fell back into silence.  My phone buzzed several times over the next couple of minutes.  I finally fished it out of my pocket and glanced at the screen.  There were several text messages from Noah.  I didn’t have the courage to read them.  I was too afraid he might be telling me to fuck off, so I locked the screen and set my phone on the coffee table. 

A few minutes later, my phone rang.  I rolled away from Craig and grabbed it from the table.  It was Noah.  I silenced it without answering.  “Who was it?” Craig asked.

“Noah,” I answered.  “But I don’t feel like talking.”  I was enjoying being next to Craig and didn’t want the moment to end.  It felt special, him holding me like this, like we were back in Mexico when everything was perfect.  Five minutes later it rang again.  It was Noah, again.  I ignored it, again.

When he called a third time, Craig grabbed my phone before I could silence it.  “Let me,” he said.  “Hey Noah,” he answered.  “Yeah, what’s up?”

I couldn’t make out Noah’s words, but I could tell he was talking excitedly.  “No, I took him home,” Craig replied to whatever Noah asked.  Then he added, “Listen, Noah, I think it might be best to give Max some space right now.”

Noah’s reply was softer and less rushed.  “Sure, I’ll talk to you later, okay,” Craig answered before hanging up.

“What did he say?” I asked.

“He wanted to know if you were still at my house.”

“Why?”

“Not sure.  I didn’t ask.  For you to come back maybe?  That’s just a guess.”

“Why?  Did Cam leave?”

“I don’t know Max!” he answered, showing a hint of frustration.  “You heard the conversation.  I didn’t ask details.  I just told him you needed some space, which I think you do.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

“He also said to tell you sorry,” Craig added,

“Really?” I asked, pleasantly surprised.  I was glad Noah wasn’t holding a grudge.  I was suddenly curious what Noah texted to me.  I took my phone from Craig and rolled over so my back was against his chest.  The messages from Noah were nothing.  “Hey, where are u” was the first, followed by “Max… answer” and then finally one last one: “Max, I’m sorry, please answer me.” 

“Whew,” I said.  “I was afraid he was really mad at me.”

“One thing I think we’ve learned through the past couple weeks is that we can trust Noah completely,” Craig answered.  I started to put my phone back in my pocket when he stopped me.  “Wait, you got a text from your dad?” he asked confused.

“Huh?” I answered.  “No.”  I wasn’t sure what he was alluding to.

“But your phone.  The message below Noah’s said it was from dad.”  I was embarrassed.  After I called Craig two nights earlier and talked to him about the letter from my father, I changed his name in my contacts to Dad.  It just seemed right at the time.  I never expected Craig to see it.

I clicked on ‘Dad’ to open the messages and handed it to him.  Then I rolled into the back of the couch to hide my face.  I was afraid this might be a little too much for Craig.  He volunteered to be my mentor, not adopt me.  I was mortified.

 “Hey!  That’s our conversat-“ Craig said, stopping before completing his sentence.  I heard him set my phone on the table.  He wrapped his arms around me and spun me back around.  I glanced up.  His eyes were watery.  “Max, that’s the nicest compliment, ever.  Don’t be embarrassed.  I’m honored.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight.  His stubble rubbed against my face as we hugged. 

“I’m sorry I’m so much trouble,” I muttered to him.

“You’re not,” he answered.  “You are one of the best things to happen to me.”

We hugged for a minute while the game wrapped up.  The Twins hung on for a 7-6 win.  “I probably need to go before much longer,” Craig said, sitting up straight, breaking our embrace.  “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes,” I answered.  “I’m a little better.  I just want to go to bed,” I answered.  I had an idea.  “Can you come upstairs with me, and kinda like, say good night?” I asked.  I don’t know why I asked Craig to do that.  I’m not a baby.  Mom used to tuck me in when I was little, but it has been years since she did that.  And my dad never did.  For some reason I wanted to be taken care of like I was a little boy.  And I wanted it to be Craig.  Maybe it was like he was making up for something my dad never did?  Is that even logical?

While I felt better than I did earlier, I was still worried about Cam telling his dad.  There was also something painful about knowing that Cam and I were done, for certain.  Craig putting me to bed would help.

I was happy when he agreed and followed me.

***

We walked upstairs together.  Craig draped his arm over my shoulder.  I ducked into the bathroom to piss and Craig went to sit on my bed.

While I was taking care of my business, I heard Craig talking on the phone, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying.  “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he finished the call as I came out of the bathroom.  “That was Mr. Rice,” he said.

“Oh?  Good or bad?” I asked, fearing the worst.

“Don’t know.  He said he straightened Cam out, whatever that means.  But he also said he wants to meet tomororw, and I’m not sure what to make of that.”

I sat next to him, suddenly filled with dread.  For some reason, I was certain Mr. Rice knew and would confront Craig.  I also got the feeling Craig knew more than he was telling me.  Maybe I’m paranoid, but I was overcome by this sinking feeling that tonight would be the last time I got to spend time with Craig.  “I’m sorry.  I screwed up again, didn’t I?” 

“Just get some sleep,” he said softly, rubbing my shoulder.  I pulled off my t-shirt and pushed off my shorts.  I climbed into bed wearing just my underwear.  I curled up into a ball, miserable and cold.  Craig pulled the sheet and blanket up over me.  I felt so helpless and hopeless.  Mr. Rice was going to confront Craig and then everything would be ruined.

Craig leaned over and kissed me on the forehead.  I didn’t want him to leave yet.  I started whimpering so he knew I was still feeling down and would stay.  He pulled the blankets further up around me and tucked them in.  He kept caressing my back, as I continued to feel sorry for myself and sick about Craig probably being outed tomorrow when he meets Mr. Rice.

“I wish I could do something to make you feel better,” he said.  “If you were younger, I could read you a story.”

There was something he could do.  I thought of it in an instant.  I wanted it to be like Mexico.  I want him to make love to me, to show me how much he cared and loved me by laying atop me and filling me while our bodies intertwined.  It would make me feel so good to give him the only gift I can.  If this was to be our last night together, couldn’t we at least end it the best possible way?  I pushed the blankets off and looked lovingly up at Craig, before pushing my underwear to my knees and rolling onto my stomach.  I spread my legs and pulled my cheeks apart as I looked up at him.  “Please,” I begged.  “Just one more time.”

“Max,” he groaned.  “We CAN’T do that anymore.  As much as I might want to, we can’t,” he answered as he pulled my CKs partially back up over my bare ass.  He softly patted my butt once it was covered.  “Dad’s don’t do those things with their sons.  Right?”

I felt so stupid for even asking.  I started crying.  “I’m sorry, that was dumb.  I am always messing things up and hurting other people,” I said.  “Dad’s do spank their sons when they are bad, right?  And I’ve done plenty.  You can use your belt if you want, you know, if touching me is too much temptation,” I said, burying my head into the pillow.  I know it seems strange, but I wanted to be disciplined.  If he at least swatted me a few times, I wouldn’t feel so bad about all the things I’ve done.

Craig was quiet.  I wasn’t sure he would grant my wish.  He seemed to be considering it. 

“Max, I can’t do that, either,” he finally responded with a sigh.  “I can’t do either of those things.  I was whooped a lot as a boy, and I did it to Emma once and it was horrible.  I could never do that to you - because I love you and care about you, understand?” I shook my head.  I didn’t understand.  He loved me in Mexico when we fucked.  I felt scorned.  While I knew logically that Craig loved me, it still felt like he was rejecting me by not giving me what I desperately needed, or deserved.  This entire night was one humiliation and mistake after another.  It started with Cam, then got worse with Mr. Rice and Kim seeing me bawling like a baby, and me stupidly planting seeds of rage with Mr. Rice that will probably ruin everything.  At least Craig didn’t over react at being ‘dad’ in my phone, though that was still embarrassing.  And now Craig wouldn’t do either of the things that might make me feel better. 

Craig sat on my bed and rubbed my back as I slowly calmed.  He must have stayed until I fell asleep, because my next recollection was waking up Sunday morning, my favorite stuffed bear next to me.  I had no idea how it got there.  I moved all my stuffies off my bed and onto my window sill years ago.  Once I saw it, I knew I had been cuddling with it through the night.  The feel of the soft fur pressing against my chest and the musty scent were still vivid in my mind.

***

I slept so well I awoke groggy.  I gave my bear one more squeeze before I stumbled into the bathroom and sat on the toilet.  I wasn’t alert enough to stand.  Sometimes when you first awaken, especially while things are foggy, you’re blissfully unaware of what is causing anxiety, if only for a moment.  This was one of those times.  Sitting on the pot, suddenly the scenes from the prior night came flooding back, reminding me why I felt off.

It was hard to believe all that happened in the matter of a few hours yesterday.  I felt sick thinking about what might happen when Mr. Rice confronts Craig.  I would be devastated if last night was the final time I was able to see Craig, especially with how I embarrassed myself at the end, asking him to fuck and spank me.  What the hell was I thinking?  I hoped I was wrong about my fears, but had a bad feeling I wasn’t.  It seemed obvious it was just a matter of time before everything came crashing down.

The sounds of mom putting dishes away changed my focus.  I completely forgot she had been on a date.  I threw on some shorts and placed my bear back on the window sill.  I didn’t need her asking why I was suddenly sleeping with a stuffie again.

I made my way downstairs, anxious to hear how her date went.  I wasn’t sure if James was really her type, but he seemed nice enough.  She was sitting at the table, sipping a cup of coffee when I came down.  “Morning sweetie.  You feeling better?” she asked. 

I was confused for a moment and gave her a funny look.  “Yeah,” I finally mumbled, once I remembered Craig told her he took me home because I wasn’t feeling well.  “I slept a long time and it helped a lot,” I added.  “How did your date go?”

“Not bad, actually.  James was a real gentlemen,” she replied, smiling.  I wondered if she was comparing him to my father, who certainly could never be described as such. 

“He was so nervous.  Maybe worse than you,” I said.  “Why were you guys so nervous anyway?  Is that a grown-up thing?”

“Well, it is when you haven’t been on a date in a long time,” she said, stifling a laugh.  She must have found his nervousness amusing.  “He hadn’t been on one for years either.  He’s divorced, just like me.  He has twin sons a couple of years younger than you.”

“Are they identical twins or the other kind?”

“Fraternal, though they do look very similar.  I think we spent the first half of the night talking about our kids.  It was something safe we had in common,” she explained.  “It turns out we have a lot of the same interests, too.  He likes the same music and the same types of movies.”

“What are his kids like?” I asked.

“They seem like good boys.  Both play football and wrestle.  He showed me pictures.  They are built like James - stocky.”

“Are you going to see him again?” I asked.

“I think so.  He said he would call me and I told him I’d like that,” she answered.  “Is that okay?  You really don’t mind me dating, do you?”

“I don’t mind.  I’m glad you had a good time mom,” I said, hugging her from behind.  She truly did deserve to have someone.  Maybe one of us could have a boyfriend and be happy. 

“Thanks, hon,” she replied, clasping her hands atop mine and kissing my forearm.  I appreciated the closeness as she squeezed.  It reminded me how I intended to spend more time with her and be more affectionate.  I was improving, but this was a reminder I could do even more.  It makes me feel good to receive affection from her and Craig.  I should be better about returning it.

***

After I scrounged some breakfast, I returned to my room.  While I was feeling lonely and wanted company, being around mom was awkward.  Our moods were opposites.  She was so happy and cheerful from her date and I was still reeling from my meltdown at Noah’s.  Also, I was afraid if I hung around too long, she would start asking too many questions about last night.  I wanted to talk to someone, but wasn’t ready to face Noah, so I decided to text Joshua.

He called me right away, bouncing off the walls with excitement.  I barely got to say hello before he launched into telling me about his weekend.  I’ve never seen him so enthused.  While I was having a night from hell, Joshua was having an amazing time.

He made a new friend.  A family had moved to his street a few days before and he finally met the new kid.  It must have been right after we talked yesterday, when he told me about burning his dick.  His name is Drake, short for Drakus, and his birthday is just two days after Josh’s. 

“Drakus?  Isn’t that the name of the mean kid in Harry Potter?” I asked, trying to connect with something I knew he was into.

“Are you serious?  That’s Draco,” he replied, laughing, as if I’d just admitted to not knowing two plus two equals four. 

“Hey, close,” I commented.  It had been years since I had read or seen any of the movies. 

He continued to tell me all about Drake.  They hit it off immediately.  The excitement in his voice was palpable.  “He’s into all the same things as me,” he explained enthusiastically.  “He doesn’t like doing sports stuff at all.  And he loves Harry Potter, Star Wars, superhero movies, and Minecraft.”

Josh had found a perfect friend.  “Does he like to read Jack off world too?”  I couldn’t resist.

“JACKIN world, Max.  Geez.  And I don’t know, I haven’t asked him – yet.” 

The way he said ‘yet’ implied he certainly intended to soon.  “Yet?” I asked.

“Maybe when he spends the night again,” he answered.

“Again?” I asked.  “You just met him and he already spent the night?”

“Yeah, he just left.  I think his parents were busy unpacking and were happy to have him out of their hair.  We had the best time, ever.  And oh my god, guess what?  When he put his pajamas on, he did it right in front of me!  I saw his dick and everything.  And it’s just like mine!  You know with the skin.”

“Nice.  Did you show him yours then?”

“I changed into mine just after that.  I normally wear underwear but I took those off because I was curious if he would look.”

“Did he?”

“Yeah.  And get this.  He said mine was big.  I think it’s about the same as his though,” he answered. 

It was obvious Drake was flirting and probably had some experience.  “Did anything else happen?”

“Nothing too good.  We had a tickle fight and he was laying on me and I swear I could feel his boner, but I wasn’t sure.  I was too afraid to say anything.  Do you think he might be, you know, into boys?”

“Might be?  Joshua, c’mon.  You just met him and he’s stripping for you and laying on you and rubbing his boner into your crack?”  Josh hadn’t said where he could feel his boner, but the mental image I conjured had Drakus atop Josh, grinding his erection into his butt.  “Yeah dude, I think he’s one of us.”

“It was more like my leg, not my butt crack,” he answered.  “But close.  You really think so, oh man!  Just having his body against me and tickling him gave me a hard-on.”

“Yeah, just be careful in case you are reading it wrong.  Ask him something like ‘do you get boners all the time too?’ when you are in bed.  Maybe it leads to showing each other your erections, you know, to see if they are the same size or something.  Then you can ask if he jerks off or humps his pillow.  If he’s interested, you will know,” I explained.  “I’m happy you found a new friend Josh.  That’s cool.”

“Maybe he could be my boyfriend even.  A real one,” Josh said.  I could practically see his grin, even though we weren’t on FaceTime.  “How was your sleepover?” he asked.

“Terrible,” I answered.  I told him all about Noah’s plan and how Cam and I had another big blow-up.  “It’s okay, though,” I told him.  “At least I know now that it’s over and done, for good.”

“That sucks,” he answered.  “But maybe it’s just temporary, for a good reason.  Like in Half-Blood Prince, with Harry and Ginny Weasley.”

“What?” I asked.  I’d seen all the Harry Potter movies, but had forgotten the details.  The whole series just never grabbed me like it did Noah and some of my other friends.

“You know,” he replied with disdain, apparently disgusted with my lack of Harry Potter expertise.  “At the end of Half-Blood Prince, Harry dumps Ginny to protect her from Voldemort and the Death Eaters.  But it was only temporary and they ended up getting married and having kids.  Remember?  Maybe you just needed to break up for a while?”

“I don’t think this is like that.  I think we’re done, for good.”

“Oh,” he said, echoing my disappointment.  “Who knows though, right?” he continued, trying to be positive.  “Maybe there is a reason you have to be broken up, just for a while, and it will still work out somehow.”

“Yeah.  I suppose,” I answered, even though I was sure he was wrong.  It didn’t help he was comparing my life to a stupid Harry Potter plot.

“Well, I better go.  I’m supposed to go over to Drake’s house to play Minecraft in a little bit.  He had to go to church this morning, but he is going to call me as soon as he gets home.”

I said goodbye and hung up.  I thought talking to Josh would cheer me up, but it did the opposite.  It didn’t make any sense.  Josh has a boyfriend in the making?  The kid didn’t even know how to masturbate a few weeks ago and I bet he and Drake will be swapping blow jobs before I get with anyone again.  Everyone seems to be finding someone – Joshua, mom, maybe Noah with Ashley.  And I’m all alone.

***

After attempting to entertain myself on the PlayStation and failing, I found myself completely bored by early afternoon, so I logged on to Grindr.  It wasn’t that I was feeling horny, I just had nothing better to do.

I clicked around a few profiles, trying to find something interesting but nothing stood out.  I was about to log-off when I received a notification that I had a message from Chad.

Chad7x: Hey there.  You never answered my message about meeting up tonight

Me: Yeah, sorry about that.  I read it last night just before I was leaving.  Then I forgot.

Chad7x: Hmmm.  Not very considerate.  Do I need to put you over my knee young man?

Me: Lol no

Chad7x:  Too bad 😉 So how about it.  Want to get together tonight?  Wife took the kids to her folks for a couple of days before school begins on Tuesday. 

Me:  Can’t tonight

That was just an excuse to put him off.  At least that is what I thought when I typed it out.  But then I started thinking about it.  So far, I always thought my chats with Chad were just for amusement.  But, maybe meeting Chad wouldn’t be so bad after all?  I wanted Craig to spank me last night, and god knows I really need to be fucked.  Chad would do both of those things.  And he seems nice.  Plus, he has a kid.  He can’t be a total jerk and someone’s dad, can he?  And holy shit, that big, perfect cock he has would be fun to play with.  I felt myself slowly becoming aroused.  After this shit week, maybe meeting Chad would be what I needed, in so many ways. 

Chad7x:  Damn… too bad.  How about tomorrow?  You don’t have classes yet, right?

Me: idk, maybe I could.  What all would we do?

Chad7x:  Anything you want.  But you know what I want… I want to spank and fuck that gorgeous ass.  What would you want to do?

Me: idk, that sounds good actually.  I can do whatever you want me to.

Chad7x: oh yeah?  You want to be my sub for the night?

Me: sub?

Chad7x: yeah, you know… submissive… where you let me be in charge and do everything I tell you.  Would you like that?  You’d like to be daddy’s good little boy, wouldn’t you?

The thought of what he was proposing sounded hot.  I loved the idea of being told what to do, as long as he didn’t want me to do anything too crazy of course.  Chad probably knows what he’s doing too.  I bet he has more experience than Craig even.  It could be damn hot.

Me: that sounds hot, but you’re not talking anything too extreme, right

Chad7x: I’m not going to do anything painful.  And I won’t make you puke, bleed and no piss play if that’s what you are asking.  It’s about me being in charge, not doing disgusting things

I’d done the peeing stuff with Spencer and it wasn’t as gross as I expected, but I was totally fine with not going there.

Me: Ok

Chad7x:  ok what?

Me:  huh???

Chad7x:  if you are going to be my boi, you need to answer everything with sir or daddy.  So.. ok sir, or ok daddy.  Got it?

Me:  yes sir

Chad7x:  That’s better.  Now, you really want to meet up tomorrow?

Me:  It would have to be during the day when my mom is at work

Me:  Sir

Chad7x:  Good catch, boi.  That’s perfect.  My afternoon is free. 

Chad7x:  You have a snapchat.  Give it to me now.

Me:  Why?

Chad7x: just do it boi.  I need to ask you something and I can’t do it here.

I sent him my snapchat ID and a couple minutes later, I had a snapchat message from DaddyChad7x.

DaddyChad7x: so it’s Max I presume?  (He got that from my snapchat name).

Me: Yes sir

DaddyChad7x:  Cute name.  I know you’re not 18 yet.  How old are you really?

My heart raced.  I was nervous.  If I really planned to meet him, I guess he’s going to know I’m not 18.  I couldn’t tell him I was barely 14 and going into eighth grade.  He wouldn’t even meet.  I think 16 is at least legal.

Me: 16

DaddyChad7x: Hmm.  Hot.  You horny?

Me: Very sir.

DaddyChad7x: Good.  And you’re ready to meet me and do everything I say

Me: yes sir, I mean like I said, nothing crazy right

DaddyChad7x: Right, I promise nothing crazy.  You can still say stop at any time and I will.  I like being in charge and having someone do what I tell them, but I’m not an ogre.  It’s role play.  You know what that is right?  Pretending… Just acting to make the sex hotter, got it?

Me: yes sir

DaddyChad7x: Send me a face picture Max.  Then I will send you one back.

I snapped a face pic from the side after trying to put on a serious look to appear older.  I thought it could pass for 16.  At least I hoped.

He answered with his own Snapchat picture.  He was average looking, but there wasn’t anything bad.  He had short hair and a clean-shaven face.  Nothing creeped me out, but I still wasn’t sure.

DaddyChad7x:  Holy damn boi, you didn’t tell me you were that hot.  You’re stunning

Me: Thanks

DaddyChad7x: Thanks what?

Me: what?

DaddyChad7x: You forget something boi?  You need spanked so you don’t forget?

Me: Thanks sir.  Sorry sir

DaddyChad7x: That’s more like it

Me: sorry sir.  I keep forgetting

DaddyChad7x: Forgiven.  This time.  Can you meet me at a hotel?

Me: I don’t have a car yet sir.  Can you pick me up?

DaddyChad7x: Oh hell no.  Too risky.  I can meet you somewhere.  Is there a park near your house?  Or a convenience store?

Me: There’s a Speedway that’s not very far

DaddyChad7x: The Speedway on Lake?  Can you walk to it?

Me: Yes, on Lake.  I can walk there.

Me: Sir

I keep forgetting to add the sir, but this time he didn’t mention it.

DaddyChad7x: Good.  Speedway would be great.  How about 1:00?

I was anxious but also excited.  Was I really going to do this?  “Don’t be a pussy,” I told myself.

Me: Ok sir

DaddyChad7x:  Perfect.  That will give me time to work over that sweet ass and get you home before mommy comes home, right?

Me: exactly sir, she doesn’t know I like boys

DaddyChad7x:  I’m no boy.  You won’t find this big daddy cock on any boy, I guarantee you that

Me: Sorry sir, I mean she doesn’t know I like guys

DaddyChad7x: Understood.  You’re not going to flake on me and bail right?  I’m booking a hotel room.  If you stand me up that’s a wasted $100. 

Me: I won’t.  I promise daddy

DaddyChad7x:  That’s what I want to hear.  No jerking off between now and then.  I want you good and horny, understand boi?

Me: Yes sir

DaddyChad7x: I’ll send you a message in the morning.  Behave Maxwell.  You don’t want to disappoint Daddy Chad do you?

Me: No sir… I’ll be good.

I didn’t bother to tell him my real name is Max, not Maxwell. 

DaddyChad7x: Ciao sexy

Me: See ya.

I put my phone down and took a deep breath.  I couldn’t believe I just committed to meeting a man at a gas station.  The first thing they taught us back in internet safety and stranger danger class was never to go somewhere with someone you didn’t know.  Though - he wasn’t exactly a stranger, was he?  I had talked with him on Grindr a few times.  He seems cool enough.  I’m just hoping I don’t chicken out, or that he doesn’t tell me to get lost if he looks at me and realizes there’s no fucking way I’m 16.

***

Craig texted me not long after I finished chatting with Chad.  He wanted to know if it was a good time to call.

“Hey,” he said when he answered.  “Feeling better today?”

“Yeah, lots.  I slept really well.  Thanks for the bear,” I replied. 

He laughed.  “I’m glad you didn’t mind.  I thought you could use something to cuddle with.  I was afraid you might be mad at me for that.  When I set it beside you, you grabbed it like you expected it to be there or something.”

“I used to sleep with that bear all the time when I was little,” I told him.  “How did you know to pick that one?”

“Lucky guess.  It was the cutest.  There is nothing wrong with taking comfort in treasured things during rough times.  Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thanks.  Have you talked to Mr. Rice yet?” I asked.

“Yes.  Everything’s fine.  Cam is in loads of trouble, but Mr. Rice doesn’t know about us.  Though…” he replied before stopping.

“Though what?”

“Never mind.  It’s nothing.  Just relax.  All is good with Bob… er… Mr. Rice.  Let me worry about that.  I’m worried about you.  You sure you are okay?”  Craig seemed to be covering something up, but I couldn’t figure out what it might be.  I tell him everything and it bothered me to think he might not be as forthcoming.

“Yeah.  It’s fine.  I realize now I don’t need Cam.  I’ll find another boyfriend, eventually.  I got Noah and my other friends at school.  And Spencer too.”  I also had a nice man with a huge dick who wants to pick me up tomorrow and fuck me silly, but I didn’t mention that.  Craig wouldn’t approve, I’m sure.  But he won’t do it, so what else can I do?  I have to look elsewhere.  I guess I have something I’m keeping from Craig now too.

“And you still have me too you know?  And your mom.”

“Of course.  Sorry, I wasn’t trying to leave you guys out.”

“I know.  You should call Noah.  He’s worried about you.  He needs to know you aren’t mad at him.  I told him, but he needs to hear it from you.”

“Okay, sure.  I will text him.  You talked to him?”

“Yes, this morning.  I took him to get donuts.”

“Oh.  Did he tell you what happened after I left?”

“Yes.  You can ask him the details yourself, but suffice to say it was a long night for him, just like it was for you.”

“I bet Mr. Rice scared him shitless when he came in raging, huh?”

“Um… yeah, something like that.  Listen, Max, I know your trying to put Cam behind you and all, but I wouldn’t be shocked if he ends up trying to apologize.  Noah and his dad laid into him pretty hard.”

“Good!  So effing what?  I don’t care.  He can apologize but it won’t mean anything.”

“Max, I know he deserved it.  Noah told me some of what he said.  But… well… there are things you don’t know.  For the sake of gymnastics and the team, you should at least be open to the idea of an apology.  You don’t have to be friends, but maybe you can get along at the gymnastics.”

“Yeah, maybe.  I don’t know,” I replied. 

“Please.  Just have an open mind.”

“Yeah – fine, I’ll think about it,” I offered.  It didn’t seem likely Cam would ever make amends, because he’s such a fucking self-absorbed prick, but I don’t need Craig on my ass about this.  If he’d be willing to be in my ass, though… 

“How was your mom’s date?” he asked, changing the subject.

We spent a few minutes talking about mom’s date and James.  I hadn’t thought to tell Craig anything about him last night.  Before we hung up, Craig asked if he could take me to dinner on Wednesday.  I told him I thought that would be fine.

After I hung up, something didn’t seem right.  Our conversation was awkward.  I wish he hadn’t started to say something and then stop.  It’s made it clear there’s something up that he’s trying to keep from me.  He probably thinks I’m not ready to handle whatever it is.  It made me angry to think he didn’t trust me after all we’ve been through lately.  It also made me more determined to get with Chad.

***

I took a shower and eventually called Noah.  Like most conversations with Noah, it was relatively short.  He apologized for not warning me about Cam being at his house and I apologized for going off on him.  We both told each other not to worry about it, and just like that, it was if nothing had ever happened and our friendship was as solid as ever.

I asked him what happened after I left, but he didn’t tell me much.  He said he went off on Cam and then his dad came in and added to his misery, but he left out any real detail.  That was just like Noah.  If I were with him, he would have told me everything that was said, but on the phone, he never seems to want to talk.  “So, are you and Cam still friends then?” I managed to ask.

“Yeah, we kind of worked it out,” he answered, whatever the hell that meant.  “You know he will be apologizing to you right?”

“He shouldn’t waste his time,” I replied.

“Max, c’mon, don’t be like that.  I think he feels bad.  Maybe give him a chance,” he suggested.  “His mom’s been on him and I think it kind of effed with his mind.”  So, was that what Craig was talking about when he said Cam had some issues?  It didn’t matter.  I was done.

“Whatever.  I won’t see him for at least a couple weeks.  And I blocked him on everything.  I really don’t have to worry about it.”

Noah sighed.  “Okay, okay.  Just promise me you won’t be a complete dick and blow up if he tries to apologize.  Please?”

“Sure,” I answered, just to get him off my case.

“So, ready for school?” he posed, changing the subject.

“Not even,” I answered.  Thought that wasn’t exactly true.  I was actually happy to have something different to occupy my time.  I just didn’t think it would seem cool to want to go back to school.

“Yeah.  But at least we got S.N.O. on Friday.  You’re still coming with me, right?  And you are going to help make sure Ashley comes too?  I need you to make sure I don’t make a complete dork of myself.”

I’d totally forgotten that Noah asked me about the S.N.O.  While I looked forward to school, the thought of hanging out in a crowded gym with a bunch of happy, hyper kids didn’t sound very fun.  It was just the kind of thing I wasn’t in the mood for.  “I guess,” I answered.  “I will try to talk to her at school.” I figured if I got Ashley to promise to go, I could skip out.  I would have done my wingman duty.

***

After hanging up with Noah, I thought about tomorrow.  I couldn’t help but wonder if I was crazy to agree to meet Chad.  I was turned on, but if I’m being honest, I was also a little scared by the prospects.  That seemed to only make me harder, though, and I was considering jerking off when Mom knocked on my door.  She was pretty good about doing that, but never really waited for a response before entering.

“Sweetie, I’m sorry your sleepover was ruined.  I know it was your last chance before school starts this week,” Mom began.  “But since you seem to be feeling better, why don’t we do something fun?  We can grab lunch, and if you feel up to it, maybe we’ll hit the outlets to see if there’s any more outfits you want.”

I cringed at her using the term “outfit.” Eighth grade guys don’t wear ‘outfits,’ but it had been hours since my bowl of cereal and I was getting hungry.  Besides, who turns down an opportunity for good food and cool clothes?

“Sure, Mom.  Sounds like fun,” I said, offering a weak smile.

“Great.  Get dressed and meet me downstairs in 10 minutes,” Mom directed.  

I thought about quickly rubbing one out, but being around your mom has a way of quickly softening your erection.  I grabbed a Quicksilver T-shirt, fresh underwear, and ran into the bathroom to put on some deodorant and brush my teeth.  

***

Downstairs, I slipped on some Vans and headed to the garage.  

“So, what are you hungry for?” Mom asked as I was buckling in.  “We can go anywhere you want that’s on the way or near the mall.”

I thought for a moment.  “Chinese sounds good.  Is that okay?” I asked.  “I know you had Japanese last night, so...”

“Chinese is fine” Mom interrupted, as we turned out of the neighborhood.  “Panda Express or PF Chang’s?  Unless you're hungry enough for a buffet.”

I liked PF Chang’s but wasn’t sure I was up for a sit-down restaurant.

“Panda, please,” I said.  “I have a craving for their orange chicken.”

We made small talk about my schedule, what classes I thought I’d have with Noah or whether we’d even be on the same team, and more about her date, but I was only partially engaged with the conversation.  I peered out the window and barely noticed when she changed the radio station.

“You’re listening to K102, Minnesota’s Country Station, number one for new country and the best variety,” the DJ rattled off.  I wasn’t a big country fan, but my parents always liked it, so I was used to it and it never bothered me.  “Up now, Maddie and Tae.”

As soon as the first chords hit, Mom turned up the volume.  “I love this song,” she said.  I normally would have tuned out, but her comment intrigued me.  It seemed like a standard break up song sung by a couple of women, but the chorus hit me like a ton of bricks:

How does he sleep at night?
Momma, the nerve of this guy
To leave me so easy
Am I gonna be all right?
I wanna kick myself for falling so hard
Momma, can you die from a broken heart?

I was taken aback by how much the lyrics resonated.  I turned to face the radio, listening intently while tears welled in my eyes.  Cam may be an asshole, but he had been my asshole, and I clearly wasn’t over him, despite his viciousness.  Why is it so hard to move on?

...Momma, please don’t say
I’m gonna laugh about this someday
You didn’t see the way he drove away

The chorus came again and I hung on every word.  I was paralyzed. 

Can your knees give out from praying so hard?
Can you go blind from crying in the dark?
Was it ever really real
If he don’t feel like I feel?

How did this song put to words exactly what I have been feeling?  I was dumbfounded by how accurate it was.  I was trying hard to maintain my composure, but was close to losing it.  Mom must have glanced at me and noticed a tear rolling down my cheek.

“Max, honey, are you okay?” she asked, clearly alarmed.  As much crying as I have been doing, none of it was around her.

We were stopped at a red light, waiting to turn into the parking lot.  I looked at her and our eyes locked.  I swear I thought she could read my mind.  I desperately wanted to tell her about Cam.  My heart was racing, beating so hard I could barely hear anything else.  Was this it?  I started to speak, but froze.  I wanted to open the flood gates - to let go of it all - but couldn’t.

“Yes,” I squeaked, taking a breath to concentrate on not sobbing.  “That song...it just made me think of Dad and what he did, to you.”

Mom sighed and squeezed my thigh.  “Yeah, me too.  But it is what it is,” she said, her own eyes now filled with tears.  “Despite everything, your father gave me you, and I wouldn’t trade you for anything.  We still have each other, and that’s all that really matters.”

“Yeah,” I meekly offered.  We were having a moment, however awkward.  I knew I needed to come out.  I owed it to her, to be honest, but when I opened my mouth, the words just wouldn’t articulate.  All I managed was to put my hand on top of hers, which was still resting on my shorts.  We stayed like that until we pulled into the parking stall.

“Well, let’s get you fed,” she said, patting my leg before reluctantly withdrawing her hand to put the car in park. 

Section II

I spent Sunday evening with the planned meeting with Chad in the forefront of my mind.  Like a pendulum, I’d swing back and forth between two emotions – regret and excitement.  Part of me regretted that I ever agreed to it, afraid he would laugh when he sees me or that it wouldn’t be anything like I expected.  I was angry that I gave him my snapchat.  If I hadn’t done that, I could just delete my Grindr profile and disappear and he would have no way to contact me.  I really couldn’t trash my snapchat and start all over.  I would lose all my contacts and streaks and it would take forever to rebuild them.  I could block his DaddyChad Snapchat account, but he could easily make a new one and harass me.

Then I would imagine the feel of a hard cock in my ass and get super horny and excited about meeting.  I imagined a bigger one would feel even more amazing than Craig’s.  And the thought of him telling me what to do was very arousing.  I loved the time Cam was in charge, though he wasn’t demanding.  It is satisfying for me to please someone else.

I wondered if Chad might back out and not show up or contact me.  When I went to bed, I decided to just let it play out.  If he contacted me like he said he would, I’d go through with it and my excited side would be satisfied.  If he didn’t, then my anxious half would be content.  As mom said earlier, “it is what it is.”

***

Chad didn’t flake out.  I stared at my phone all morning and finally at almost 11:00 he sent me a message on snapchat.  My heart raced when I saw the notification pop up.  I was both nervous and excited.  I almost dropped my phone as I picked it up to read his message.

DaddyChad7x: Good morning Max

Me: Hi

Me: Sir… sorry 

(I almost forgot again).

DaddyChad7x:  All good.  I’ve been thinking about you all night

Me: Me too sir, about you I mean

DaddyChad7x: Hmmm.  Good.  And you want my daddy cock don’t you?

Me: Yes sir.  Bad.

DaddyChad7x: That makes me happy.  And hard.  I was sure you would flake out on me.

Me: No sir.

DaddyChad7x: Good.  So 1:00 at the Speedway?

Me: Yes, sir

DaddyChad7x:  Shower just before you leave.  I will do the same.  Common courtesy

Me: Of course sir

I was really getting the hang of putting sir on the end, finally.

DaddyChad7x: I drive a white Nissan Rogue, you know what that looks like?

Me: yes sir

DaddyChad7x: you nervous max?  you done this before?

Me: not exactly

DaddyChad7x: Relax.  I don’t bite.  When we meet, you can hop in my car.  If you don’t like what you see, or if it doesn’t feel right, you can just get out and go home. 

Me:  ok

DaddyChad7x:  And if you want to go through with what we talked about, just start being the obedient boy you desperately want to be

Me:  ok sir

DaddyChad7x:  What will you be wearing? 

I hadn’t dressed for the day, but knew right away what I could wear to be easy to see.  Mom bought me a new, bright red t-shirt yesterday at the UA outlet. 

Me:  Red Under Armour t-shirt and black shorts

DaddyChad7x: Great.  See you in a couple hours sexy

***

Part of me wondered what the hell I was doing. I never intended to meet some random online stranger, but here I was.  What was I thinking?  Still, I need this so bad.  I keep messing up - badly - and want, and deserve, to be disciplined.  Craig won’t do it, and I know getting fucked will make me feel better. 

As I sipped on my soda outside the Speedway, waiting for Chad, I noticed a white Nissan pull in.  He must have recognized me by my red shirt with the large UA logo across the front, because he immediately pulled into the empty parking spot in front of me and waved, signaling me to get in.  I pulled the drawstring bag off my shoulder and climbed in.  Before I left home, I threw two condoms and some lube in the bag, just in case Chad ‘forgot.’

“Sixteen, huh?” Chad asked, blankly looking me over as I pulled the door closed.  “Are you even in high school yet?” 

“Um, well, no sir.  Next year though,” I said hopefully, trying to make myself seem older.  I didn’t want him abandoning me, too.

He laughed.  I expected him to yell at me to get the hell out, but he seemed amused.

“So, you don’t seem frightened off.  I’m not a disgusting slob, right?”

I hadn’t really looked at him closely.  I glanced over, looked him up and down quickly.  He seemed fine.  Okay looking, and fit.  I shook my head, unable to speak.

“Good.  So, you’re going into eighth grade?  My son is starting middle school this year,” Chad said.  Bringing up his son, who I could conceivably have as a classmate, made me uncomfortable for some reason.  I wasn’t sure what to say. 

“Yes, Chad,” I said quietly.  I’ve never been embarrassed by my age before, but this didn’t seem to be going well.

“That’s not acceptable,” Chad responded, his voice rising slightly.  “Don’t forget your manners.  From here on, you will only refer to me as Sir, Daddy, or Mister Chad and do exactly as I say.  Do you understand?”  I guess the fact that I didn’t get out of the car yet was his signal that I was willing and the role play was ‘on.’

I glanced up at him.  His facial expression changed.  He seemed very serious, but also...eager?

“Yes sir!” I said, maybe a little too emphatically.  There was something arousing in the way he spoke with such command.

“Hmm.  I hope that wasn’t sarcastic, because being disrespectful won’t work out well for you,” he retorted.

Shit.  I can’t do anything right.  “No sir, I’m sorry if it seemed that way.  I’m just new to this,” I said somberly.  I decided to lean into the role play more, since he didn’t seem to be bothered by my age.  “You’re the grown up, I’m just a kid.  I know you’re in charge and I have to do as I’m told, and that you’ll correct me if I’m bad.”

I could swear I saw his crotch immediately plumpen. 

“That’s a good boy,” he said.  “Do you know what your mouth and ass are for?  And who owns them?”

“Yes, sir.  They’re for your pleasure,” I responded, hoping that was what he wanted to hear.

“Good.  God, this is so hot,” he said, almost to himself.  “But, middle school boys are known for being rude and defiant. How do I know you’ll listen to me?  And not tell anyone about what we do?”

I couldn’t tell if this was part of the role play or if he was genuinely concerned, but mentioning I was in middle school didn’t seem to deter him. 

“I just want to please you and be a good boy for Daddy,” I said, batting my eyelashes seductively.  “And I know how much trouble an adult can get into for playing with a boy.  I wouldn’t do that to you.  I want this.” I decided to sweeten the pot, and reached for his groin. 

He grinned, and put his hand on my shorts, lightly squeezing my crotch.  “Not a very big bulge, but that’s fine.  Just means it’ll all fit in my mouth.”

I wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about his comment about my dick size.  I was hard as a rock and hadn’t even realized it.  I mean, I know I’m still developing, but Spencer and Joshua always mention how big it is.  I guess compared to them I am big, but relative to Chad, I’m tiny.  I don’t think he meant to disparage me.

“I’m sorry I’m not bigger.  I’m still growing, but it works well and I can cum!” I probably sounded ridiculous bragging about being able to cum to a grown man. 

“No, no, it’s good.  I like it.  You’re bigger than my son, Brett.  I’ve never fucked someone as young as you, but it goes with your high-pitched voice,” he told me.  “It’s going to be so hot when you moan.  You’re gonna to hit an octave you didn’t know you could by the time I’m done with you.”

I wasn’t sure what to say.  I liked his dirty talk, and appreciated that he was into me being young, but I guess I’ve always been a little insecure that my voice hasn’t even started to change, like Noah’s has.  Even Cam’s breaks sometimes.  It might be stupid, but it’s something I’m a little sensitive about.  I don’t feel, act like, or think of myself as a little kid, but I still sound like one, and him pointing it out didn’t make me feel great.  I guess it’s a turn on for some guys?

All I could do was smile, as Chad turned onto the road.  “The hotel is just a mile or two away.”

***

Chad pulled into the parking lot of the Best Western a few minutes later.  I’d been down this road many times, but never noticed a hotel.  It was back off the road, hidden by trees.  I had no idea there was lodging this close to my house.

It was an older style setup.  You know the kind – where the building wraps around the parking lot and all the rooms have their own door to the outside.  We never stayed in places like that.  Mom always turned up her nose at them, but it seemed well kept.  There was a small pool in the corner where the two sections of rooms formed an L.  Two small kids were splashing around loudly as their mom watched on.

I followed Chad up the stairs to a room on the very end.  “I asked for something away from everyone else,” he commented with a wink as he slid the key into the door.  I followed him inside, my heart thumping loudly.  I was really going to do this.

“Do you need to use the bathroom?” he asked. 

I had been nervously sipping the 32-ounce soda I purchased at Speedway as we drove.  My bladder was about to burst.  “Yeah, I better,” I answered nervously.

“You’re good with this right?” he asked.  “Everything we talked about?”

I nodded.  “Of course,” I added, trying to sound sure of myself.

“All right then.  Go do your business boy, when you come out of the bathroom, it’s game on.  Understand?”

***

I stood over the toilet trying to force out as much piss as possible.  I knew that I would need to go again soon with all I had drunk.  Getting the large soda was dumb.  I tucked my dick back into my underwear and looked at myself in the mirror.  I was wearing the new grey and neon green boxerjocks mom purchased yesterday at the Under Armour outlet.  They made me feel sexy as hell.  They fit perfectly, highlighting the bulge of my cock and balls, as well as my ass.  I realized a small pre-cum spot had formed during the drive over.  Even if I wasn’t 100% sure about this, my dick sure was turned on by the prospects.

I washed my hands and adjusted my hair.  I wanted to look as presentable and hot as I could.  I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door.

***

Chad was sitting on the edge of the king side bed, waiting for me.

“Daddy doesn’t like waiting, Max.  What took you so long?” he said.  His gentle tone had been replaced with a stern, domineering one.  I guess it was ‘game on,’ indeed. 

“Sorry, sir.  I really had to go.  I drank way too much soda.”

“Hmmph,” he groaned.  “Take off your shoes.”

I kicked off my shoes without bothering to untie them.  I started to hook a finger into my socks to slip them off, but Chad told me to stop.  “Leave those on.  Socked feet on a boy turns me on.  Take off that shirt now.”

I slipped my shirt off and stood, awaiting my next instruction.  “Hmmm.  Damn boy, that is one hot chest,” he said as he stood.  He stepped to me and started running his hand across my muscular torso.  His fingers flicked across my soft nipples, causing them to harden.  “You must work out constantly to be built like this.”

“Gymnastics, sir,” I muttered.

“I see,” he replied.  “Impressive.  I bet you’re flexible then.”

“Yes,” I answered.  His hands continued to explore my chest and abs. 

“Can you suck your own dick?” he asked.  “I always wished I could, but I can’t quite reach.”

“I’ve never tried,” I answered.

His hands found their way back to my hardened nipples.  With no warning he gave each of them a firm pinch.  “Ahhh,” I cried out. 

“Hmm.  I love those little nipples.  They still get nice and hard, even though they are tiny.”  His mention of my undeveloped nipples stung.  I hated that I still had little boy nipples.  Most boys my age have bigger ones. 

His hand slid down to the front of my shorts.  He pushed against my cock.  “Seems like you’re hard already.  You must like someone working your nips over,” he said as his other hand squeezed my nipple.

I gasped before regaining my breath.  “Yes, sir,” I replied obediently. 

He bent over and pulled my shorts to the floor.  I glanced down.  My throbbing boner was stretching the shiny grey material nicely.  “Oh yes,” he moaned.  “These are really sexy.  I’m so glad boys stopped wearing those damn boxers.”  He ran his hand up my leg, causing me to flinch.  His light touch tickled.  His grasped my 5” boner through the material of my underwear and gave it a squeeze.  That felt nice.  It seemed like forever since a man’s hand touched my cock.

“Should I take these off now, sir?” I asked shyly.

“No boy, that’s for daddy to do,” he answered as he hooked his fingers into the waistband and slowly pulled them down over me knees.  My cock sprung to attention, almost poking him in the face.  He ran his fingers lightly up my pulsing erection.  “That’s a nice circumcised dick.  They look so much better cut, don’t you think?”

“Yes, sir,” I muttered.  Thought I really loved foreskin, I went along with him. 

He ran his fingers through my short pubes.  “Blond pubes are sexy, but didn’t I tell you to shave?” he asked sternly.

“I don’t think so, sir,” I answered.  I truly didn’t remember him saying anything about it.

“Are you sure?” he demanded.  “I shouldn’t have had to say anything.  Subs should know they aren’t allowed to have hair.  Only Daddy’s should have hairy cocks, understand?  You should have been completely smooth.” 

“Sorry sir, I didn’t know,” I replied.  I used to shave for Cam, but hadn’t seen the point since we broke up.  If Chad had asked, I would have done it for him.

He wrapped his hand around my ball sack and pulled down, causing me to wince.  “You’ll learn.  A few swats on that ass will leave a good reminder for next time.”  He reached around and gripped my ass cheek tightly.

“Yes, sir,” I replied.  I don’t know why, but the talk of spanking caused my cock to harden even more. 

He leaned in and took my cock into his mouth and sucked on it gently, all the while still gripping my balls and pulling them down.  It was a mix of pleasure and discomfort. 

He let my cock slip from his mouth.  “Tasty little dick,” he commented as he released my balls and stood.  I hated how he seemed to emphasize ‘little.’  I always thought I was at least average in the dick department.  “Now, undress your daddy.  I know you’re anxious to see what I got for you.  Start with my shirt.”

I pulled his t-shirt up over his head.  His chest wasn’t as hairy as Craig’s.  There was only a slight patch of hair between his nipples.  A small dad-bod belly hung out over his shorts, a few hairs making a faint trail from his belly button downward towards the large bulge already filling his khaki cargo shorts.

“Suck on daddy’s nips boy!” he commanded.

I leaned and took the left one into my mouth and started sucking.  He wrapped his hands around my head and pulled me in tighter.  “Oh yeah Max, that’s nice.  Keep it up.  Daddy likes this,” he said.  I continued to suck and lick at his nipple until he pulled my head to the other side, where I repeated my oral efforts.

“Do you want to kiss?” I asked, hopefully.  Kissing always made everything seem more special.

He glared.  “I don’t kiss.  That’s too gay for me,” he answered, making me feel foolish.  “Now my shorts,” he ordered pushing me down.

I dropped to my knees, undid the button, and pulled down the zipper.  His shorts fell to his ankles and he kicked them aside.  I couldn’t believe what was before me.  He was wearing a pair of white Jockey mesh trunks and the bulge was massive.  I gasped.  It was fucking huge.  It wrapped around almost to the side of his narrow hip and the fabric outlined it perfectly.  I swear I could even see the outline of vein through the taut material.

He laughed.  “I get that reaction a lot.  That’s what a real daddy dick is like.”  I started to reach for the waistband to pull them down.  I wanted to see it in the flesh.  He smacked my hand away.  “Not yet Max.  You haven’t earned the privilege of seeing my big cock – yet.”

I looked up at him, questioningly.  I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do.  “Kiss and suck it through the fabric.  Get it good and wet and then I might let you play with the real thing.”

I pressed my face against his bulge and licked and kissed his massive cock through the fabric.  Chad moaned, so I think he liked it.  “Jerk that little boy dick while you work your mouth,” he ordered.

I reached down and found my dick jutting up, as hard as it’s ever been.  This wasn’t going badly at all, and to be honest, it was hot as fuck.  I was so turned on by Chad’s huge dick.  I couldn’t wait to see it.  And feel it… in my hands, and elsewhere.

“Oh, shit yeah, jerk that little dick.  You’re so fucking hot Max,” Chad crooned.  I hated that he kept pointing out that my dick was little, though I guess compared to his, it is.  “I wasn’t sure when you first got in the car, but it’s obvious you are really into this,” he continued as he pressed my mouth against his cotton covered cock.  “A dick doesn’t lie.  And yours says you are loving every minute of this.”

I looked up at him and smiled.  “Yes, sir.  I do.  I told you I’ve done stuff before.”

“Take it out now.  I think my big dick is ready to get better acquainted with that pretty mouth.”  I reached for the elastic and slowly peeled his trunks down over his erection.  As soon as it was free, it swung to the center.  He said his cock was 7”, but it looked way longer to me.  It arched out and down, his wide piss slit staring at me, just begging to be licked.

I hesitantly reached for it.  The feel of it in my hand made me moan.  It was so thick.  It felt like I was holding a soda can.  It was almost that big around.  Only instead of being cold, it was warm, and pulsing.  I pulled it back and forth giving it a couple strokes.  I looked up.  Chad had closed his eyes and thrown his head back.

I leaned in, stuck out my tongue, and licked the thick mushroom cap as I stroked his cock towards me.  A large drop of pre-cum spread across my tongue.  It wasn’t nearly as sweet as the drink I had been nursing, but tasty nonetheless.  I took the head into my mouth, sucking gently, hoping for more of the sweet nectar.  I was rewarded with a few more drops as my mouth wrapped around the thick shaft.  It stretched my mouth unlike any other.  Craig and Noah’s were both thicker than Cam, but neither came come close to what I was attempting to suck right now.  It was a challenge to take it all.  It filled my mouth.

“Watch your teeth!” Chad yelled angrily.  “I felt a scrape,” he added.

“Sorry, sir,” I said as I let the monster cock slip from my mouth and I regained my breath.

“Open wide and relax your lower jaw.  I’m gonna fuck your hot little throat,” he instructed.

I opened my mouth and tried to relax everything.  He guided his curved dick into my mouth.  He put the first three inches in and then started slowly pulling it in and out.  I held still and let him slide it across my tongue.  It took all my attention to keep my mouth open.  My jaw started aching immediately, but I didn’t dare complain.  As he worked his cock in and out, he started pushing it deeper and deeper until I eventually felt it tickling the back of my tonsils.  “Oh fuck yeah, take this cock,” he said and shoved my head down until his thick cock expanded my throat.  The way it curved downwards seemed like it was created just to slide down deep.  His pubes filled my nose.  He held it there as I started to gag. 

He pulled it out as I coughed, trying to recover.  Chad laughed.  “You’ll get better with more practice, now open up again.” 

I suddenly had a moment of panic.  When he had pushed his cock in deep, I couldn’t breathe and it freaked me out.  I’d never experienced that before.  With Craig I could always breath through my nose, even when I took all of him into my mouth.  I hid my fears, and did as I was told, and he filled my mouth again.  He worked the top half of his cock in and out, which wasn’t so bad, but then he started to push it deeper and I freaked and started to close my mouth.  He pulled out.  “I said to watch your teeth, son.  That’s going to earn you a few swats.  “Do it again.  Keep your mouth open – WIDE this time.”

I opened as wide as I could and he slammed his thick meat into my mouth and pushed it down my throat.  I managed to keep it open wide as he pushed it in and out.  I quickly discovered to inhale anytime the thick head popped free from my throat, but I was still gagging each time he pushed in deep.  I could feel my face turning red and tears running down my face.  I wasn’t crying, the gagging was causing my eyes water.  I don’t know what made me think of it, but realized it was the same thing that happens whenever I puke.  My eyes always tear up when that happens.

He pummeled my mouth for what seemed like an eternity, though it probably wasn’t more than a minute, maybe two.  He suddenly pulled out.  His hard cock hung in front of me, dripping, completely covered with my spit.  I closed my mouth and swallowed hard, catching my breath.  My throat felt sore from his assault.  I wiped my eyes.

He sat on the bed and patted his leg.  “Come get your punishment now, Max.  You know you deserve a good spanking.  You want daddy to be strict with you, so you learn from your mistakes, right?”

I nodded.  Mentally, I thought about Saturday night, and the stupid things I tried with Craig, suggesting sex.  As Chad spanked me, it would be those mistakes that I would be atoning for, not whatever it was Chad was allegedly punishing me for.

As I lay across his lap, I realized my cock had gone limp.  Maybe I didn’t enjoy having a huge cock stuffed down my throat as much as I thought I would?

His hand gripped and kneaded my one muscular ass cheek, then the other.  Without warning a hard slap came down on my ass, stinging me.  “Ahhh,” I complained.

Another forceful slap landed on the other side.  “These are for not showing up shaved down below,” he said as he continued to alternate lighter slaps on my cheeks.  He had probably swatted each side 15 times before he stopped and reached down and grabbed my cock.  It had stiffened again, though I didn’t realize it until he started playing with it.  “I knew you would like a good spanking.  You’re hard as a rock again.  Did you like it?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer.  I didn’t hate it.  I thought about Craig as he spanked me.  There was some satisfaction, knowing I’d done something to make up for my stupidity.  I was surprised it had any effect on my dick though.  Maybe it was turning me on in ways I didn’t know?  I decided to play along.  “Yes, sir.  I know I deserve it, for disappointing you.”

He rubbed my cheeks, soothing the slight burn he induced.  “That’s good boy, because you earned a few more for not being able to keep your teeth off your master’s cock.”  He brought his hand down on my ass, much harder than he had before.  I yelped. 

“Take it!” he commanded as he launched into a beating on my ass cheeks.  After the first few blows, which stung like a mother fucker, my ass seemed to become numb.  “Oh, fuck yeah!  Look at that ass turn red,” Chad exclaimed excitedly.  “Brett’s butt never gets this red when I whoop him.”  I wondered how often he spanked his son?  Wouldn’t he be getting too old to spank?

Beneath me, I could feel his thick meat stiffen and press against my navel.  He was really getting into this. 

Finally, it was becoming too much.  “Stop,” I pleaded, which he thankfully did.

“Good, good,” he whispered, caressing my cheeks again, soothing the pain.  “You took your punishment well.  But if you fuck up again, next time it will be with a belt.  I don’t think you want that, do you?”

“No sir,” I answered quickly.

“Right.  You made Daddy proud… now get up on the bed.”

I crawled off his lap and onto the bed.  I lay atop the soft sheet, my cock pressed against the cool bed.  Chad walked around to the other side of the bed, where my head was laying.  “Not like that, roll over,” he ordered.

No sooner than I had turned to my back, I felt his hands beneath my armpits, aggressively pulling me to the edge of the bed until my head hung over the side.  He straddled me.  “Lick and suck my balls!” he instructed.  He bent down so his hairy balls rested across my face.  I lapped at them, licking and sucking on them one at a time.  There was just a hint of sweat.  I soon had stray hairs caught in my mouth.  “Oh yes, that’s a good boy.  You’re doing great,” he commended me.

As more hairs collected in my mouth, I realized how much I appreciated Cam’s nuts being hairless and that Craig apparently shaved his.  It was gross.  Finally, he stood up and I was able to wipe the stray hairs from my tongue as I looked up at Chad stroking his ample cock.  He bent down and swung his hips from side to side, slapping my face with his gigantic dick.  When he stopped, he pressed the dripping head against my lips.  It was my cue to open-up and take it back into my throat.

He pressed into me, hard and fast.  I instantly gagged.  Laying over the edge of the bed and having him feed me his cock was odd.  The angle was strange.  When I was on my knees, it seemed to curve naturally down my throat.  Upside down, it pressed against the roof of my mouth and was hitting that thing that hangs down.  I was coughing, gagging, and crying as he held my head and pushed his massive rod in and out.  I wanted him to stop.  I didn’t like this… but I was too afraid to speak up.  Not only that, I couldn’t speak – my mouth was stuffed.  I wished he would move onto what I really wanted, to be filled on the other end.

Thankfully he let up, which was good, because I almost vomited.  I think he could tell I had enough.  “Hmmm.  Got it good and wet.  All ready for the finale,” he commented.  “You ready to be fucked boy?”

“Hell yeah,” I said eagerly, my voice raspy.  I was hoping being eager would compel him to be done using my mouth. 

“Get up on your hands and knees and show me that cunt,” he ordered, still stroking his spit covered cock.  I rolled over and spun around so my butt was facing him, resting on my knees and head.  I reached back and pulled my ass apart.  “Sweet Jesus, look at that tight hole.  That’s about as close to perfect as a boy’s pussy can be,” he exclaimed.  “I wonder if Brett’s looks this amazing.”

 I felt him climb on the bed behind me.  I was afraid for a moment he was going to try to stick it in without lubing me up, or putting on a rubber.  Instead, I found his tongue licking at my pucker.  I let out a moan.  After having my mouth used solely for his pleasure, it was nice he was doing something that felt good for me.  I pushed back into him, eager to feel him against my hole.  My sphincter twitched in delight as I whimpered in pleasure. 

He ate at my hole, hungrily humming as he slurped and sucked.  I could tell he was thoroughly enjoying it.  He reached around and found my stiff cock and slowly stroked it.  This was more like it.  I was in heaven, having all my favorite, most sensitive parts stimulated.  I missed this so much. 

“I’ve never tasted such a sweet pussy,” he commented during one of his pauses, before pressing his face back into my crack and pressing his tongue into me.  “And I’ve eaten a lot of cunts in my time - both kinds,” he added as he rested his tongue again.

The more he rimmed, the more the anticipation built to feel him inside me.  Though I could have rested there for hours and let him tongue me, I was ready to be fucked.  “Fuck me, sir,” I begged, as I reached for the drawstring bag that was next to me on the bed.  I pulled out a condom and the lube and lay them on the bed.

He pulled his face from my ass and slapped my butt.  “That’s it!  Beg for this big dick,” he instructed.

“Please Chad… Daddy… put it in me, please,” I asked, trying to act desperate.  I held up the condom.  We’d not talked about using protection, and I realized now that was a mistake.  I should have made sure he was okay with it before I ever agreed to meet. 

He started laughing, loudly as he moved back off the bed.  “That won’t fit me,” he said as he moved around in front of me.  I was freaking.  If my condom wouldn’t fit, did that mean he wanted to fuck me bare?  Thankfully, he reached into the cargo pocket of his shorts and pulled out a condom.  It said Magnum XL on it.  “These are made for real men, like me, who have a real cock.  Save that for your little boy dick, if you ever find someone to fuck.” I don’t know why he had to be so rude.  It’s not like I haven’t fucked an ass before.

He unwrapped the condom and slid it down his cock.  “You might want to lube up that ass son, and do it fast, because this dick needs to cum.”  It startled me that he wanted me to do that myself.  Craig always slowly fingered me and got me relaxed before he tried to push inside.  So did Cam, though with his smaller penis, it wasn’t as important.  I grabbed the lube, flipping open the cap.  I spread some on my fingers and spread it across my hole and pushed a finger in, then two.  I quickly added more lube and pushed it inside, adding a third finger.  It wasn’t as tight as I expected.  His long session of eating my butt must have loosened me up.

While I was lubing myself, he moved around behind me.  “That’s enough boy, scoot that ass over here and prepare to get stuffed.  I backed up to him until my socked feet hung over the edge of the bed. 

He rubbed his thick cock head up and down my crack.  I couldn’t believe how much it filled the small opening.  I heard him spit and felt his wet finger spread his saliva across my hole.  I felt the head of his dick against my opening.  I reached back and spread my cheeks as he pushed into me.  At first nothing happened.  His thick head filled my opening, but didn’t push inside.  The pressure increased slowly, until he grabbed me by the waist and pulled back as he thrust forward.  There was an instant fire in my rectum as at least three inches of his cock drove into me.  I had braced myself for it to be uncomfortable, but this hurt.  “Fuck!” I yelled out as sweat rolled down my face.

“Shhh,” he said slapping my ass.  “Quiet down boy, and relax dammit.  You’ll get used to it in a few seconds.  He held me still before pulling out slightly and pushing it in even slightly deeper.  I cried out again.  He laughed.  “I told you to relax.  Now quiet the fuck down.”  He slowly leaned into me.  I could feel inch after inch of him slide deeper into my backside as I grit my teeth.  His cock pushed hard into my prostate, causing a jolt of precum to squirt form my dick onto the bed.  I’d never had that happen before, but then again, I never had something this big inside me.  I soon felt his bush tickling my ass and I knew I had managed to take all of him inside me.  It still hurt, but I had managed it.  A brief feeling of pride swelled within me.  He held still, his cock filling me fully as he reached around and jerked my precum leaking dick. 

“God damn Max, this is the tightest hole I’ve ever fucked.  I’ve never had a pussy or ass grip my cock anything like this.  I feel bad for the next guy who mounts you, because your ass isn’t going to be this tight ever again once I’m finished with you,” he said laughing, as he slapped my ass.

It reminded me what Cam said the day I told him about Craig and I – about a grown-up dick permanently stretching out my hole.  The prospect of that suddenly alarmed me.  I can’t believe I didn’t consider that before.  “Everyone always tells me it’s tight,” I managed to reply.  Did I just say that?  ‘Everyone’ was two people: Cam and Craig.  It wasn’t like I’d been fucked by a dozen people. 

Chad didn’t seem to notice, or at least he didn’t bother to ask.  “You should see what this looks like from here,” he said, happily.  He was clearly focused on the deed at hand.  “This fat cock buried in your small ass is hot as fuck.  Damn.  Makes me wonder if I shouldn’t break in Brett one of these days.  Should I take a picture for you?” he asked, laughing.

“That’s okay,” I managed to reply between gasps, though I don’t think he was serious about taking a picture.  The pain had dissipated.  While his cock was still, I only felt stuffed and no discomfort.  It gave me time to process what he just said.  Could he really be serious about having sex with his own kid?  When he first mentioned him, I thought it was all part of the role play, but now I was beginning to think he was serious.

Unfortunately, he didn’t hold motionless for long.  He slowly pulled backwards, sliding out his thick cock, once again setting my ring afire.  “Oh shit,” I exclaimed, just before he slammed back down into me, causing me to cry out. 

“Shut it!  You got me all horned up with that cute mouth and said you wanted to get fucked, now fucking take it like the cum slut you know you are,” he commanded as he gave me several hard, fast jabs. 

“Fuck that hurts,” I complained.  He pulled all the way out of me.  I thought he was going to be merciful and give up.  Instead he walked around the front of me and picked up my new underwear from the floor. 

“You keep crying out and I’m going to stuff these in your god damn mouth.  Whose mouth and hole are those?” he asked, pointing at me.

“Yours, daddy,” I answered softly. 

“That’s right.  And I’m going to use them however the fuck I want,” he said sternly.  “Now hold still.  A little bit more and your ass will adjust and then you’ll be begging me to fuck you harder.  It’s how it always goes.  Trust me.  You’re a good little faggot.  Just show me now.”

“Maybe if you added some more lube,” I suggested.

He sighed.  “Okay, I’ll add a little more.  But not too much.  I need friction to get off.  You’re here to please ME, remember?”

“Yes, sir,” I said, submitting. 

I heard him grab the tube of lube and squeeze.  Then his cock was once again at my rear.  “Take a deep breath boy,” he commanded.  As soon I drew in, his cock slammed into me.  I bit down and winced as the pain returned.  He was right, it wasn’t as bad as it was before.  But it still wasn’t pleasant.

He started pumping into me.  Whatever lube he added must have pulled out, because I soon felt it running down my leg, and my ass was burning anew.  I was getting adjusted to being stretched, but his thrusting was chafing the edges of my hole, creating a new source of pain.

I started whimpering as he started fucking me harder.  I didn’t think I was being very loud, but I must have been, because I soon felt the fabric my underwear smashed into my face.  “Put those in your mouth and bite down son,” he commanded and slapped my ass, hard. 

He wrapped his arm around my chest and leaned in over me.  He buried his thick dick to the base.  His hips began gyrating at a fevered pace.  His hands explored my chest, pinching at my nipples again as he rabbit-fucked me.  With him leaning over me, the head of his dick was hitting my prostate with every thrust.  I don’t know if it was the added pleasure of the prostate stimulation, or whether my ass lubricated itself or what, but the burning did finally subside.  I was able to spit the underwear out of my mouth and continue without making noise. 

Unfortunately, I had a new problem.  More of the massive soda I ingested had made its way into my bladder.  I needed to piss again, but I knew I couldn’t ask him to stop.  I would just have to hold it.

If it wasn’t for his cock pressing against my already full bladder, I might have begun to enjoy the feeling of him sliding in and out of me.  It was an odd combination of feelings – the discomfort of a filled bladder and the pleasure of a prostate being massaged harder than it ever has been.  I tried to ignore the bladder and focus on the good feelings.

His hand found my dick and jerked it madly as his hips worked in and out.  It felt good, but I wasn’t close to cumming.  The pain from him entering me really killed my arousal, as did the need to pee.  But the good feelings were starting to return, thankfully.  When he stopped jerking me for a moment, I was dejected.  I was just starting to feel the stirrings of an orgasm and I hoped shooting would somehow relieve the need to pee.  But when he regripped my dick, this time with a hand full of lube, it was instant, short-lived bliss.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” I exclaimed, this time from pleasure, not pain.

“Fuck yeah, those high-pitched cries are so fucking hot.  It makes you seem even younger.  Cum boy, cum!” I was completely unaware I sounded unusual.

  My orgasm hit without warning.  As his thick cock head pushed against my inner nut his hand squeezed my cock.  “Fuck,” I yelled out as I felt my cock spew my spunk all over the bed.  I couldn’t see, but I felt like I sprayed a gallon of cum.  I am pretty sure it wasn’t just semen, I had to have just unloaded some piss as well.  There was no way my balls held that much cum.  I could feel my ass clamp down on his cock as each jet of cum flew from my throbbing dick.

“Shit yeah, boy, spunk for me,” he encouraged as he pumped me as hard as fast as he could.  “I’m gonna shoot,” he announced just before his body froze.  I could feel his cock spasm as he gasped.  I felt four, five, six, and seven spasms, each accompanied by a low-pitched grunt and a jerk of his hips.  He collapsed onto my back, pushing me onto my belly.  I could feel the wetness below me from whatever I expelled from my dick.  His breath warmed my neck.  I could feel his cock deflating, though it was still stuffed in me. 

“That was good.  Daddy’s very happy with you,” he told me as he mussed my hair, like I was six.  “I told you I’d make you sing in a new octave.  That was fantastic,” he whispered.  “You came so hard.”  I wished he would kiss me.  “Stay there,” he instructed as he pushed himself off me, freeing his cock from my ass with a loud pop.  I watched as he walked around in front of me.  I wasn’t sure what he had planned.  His condom covered cock hung down, the end filled with what looked like a big load of cum.  He grabbed the end of the condom and pushed the cum down so it smeared all over his dick, then he pulled the condom off.  “Clean it up boy,” he ordered.  “Get a taste of daddy’s cream and get me nice and clean.”

I looked up at him.  I was spent.  After cumming, I wasn’t horny any longer and the thought of eating his semen was not at all appealing.  He must have sensed my hesitation.  “Do it Max, unless you want to walk all the way home.”

I was shaken.  This seemed like taking it too far, but I was afraid he was serious.  I was too far from home to walk.  I pushed up to my hands and knees and scooted forward.  When I did, I realized my ass was sore as fuck.  There was no way I could walk home from here.  Even walking home from Speedway was going to suck.  I had no choice but to do what he wanted.  I reached for his cock and drew it into my mouth, licking it clean of his pungent cum.  There had been times where I thought cum tasted good – usually before I’d gotten off, and others where it was neither bad nor good, but this time it tasted gross.  Perhaps it was just the situation, or maybe the taste of the latex condom?  That I was doing something now I had no desire to do, with the realization that my ass was going to be sore for days?  As I cleaned him with my tongue, I wondered if my ass might even be bleeding.  It smarted that bad. 

Finally, I thought I had his cock cleaned from cum.  I let it slip from my mouth.  “Can I get dressed now, please?” I pleaded.

“As soon as you clean up your own mess.  You blew all over the bed.  I can’t be having the hotel charge me extra cleaning fees, can I?”  He pointed behind me to the soiled spots where I exploded.  I spun around and groaned a complaint.  A sharp slap landed on my ass.  “Don’t whine boy.  Just lick it up like the good little faggot you are.”

Most of my jizz had soaked into the covers, though like I said, I think some of it was piss.  I licked at what I could, as tears began to form in my eyes.  While there were moments I enjoyed, this wasn’t at all what I expected.  Why the fuck did I agree to do this?

I swung my feet over the bed and sat, moping.  Behind me I could hear Chad putting on his clothes.  “Go get dressed slut, I have things to do.  And we don’t want you late for your mommy now, do we?”

“No, sir,” I mumbled.  I grabbed my underwear from the floor and headed for the bathroom, picking up my shorts on the way.  I closed the door and started crying.  Just walking to the bathroom made my ass hurt.  How was I was going to walk home from Speedway?  How could I waddle around school tomorrow? 

I locked the door and sat on the toilet and tried to compose myself as I let whatever piss remained in my bladder dribble into the bowl.  I couldn’t be acting like such a baby in front of Chad.  I agreed to all of this and now I had to act like the grown up I was pretending to be.  I wiped the lube from my ass and inspected the toilet paper.  There were a couple small smears of blood, but nothing like I feared given how much my ass ached.  I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself.

I stood facing away from the mirror and gently spread my cheeks, looking over my shoulder to get a look at my abused hole.  It was slightly open as well as red and puffy.  I grimaced.  It never looked like that after getting fucked by Craig or Cam.  Cam was right.  I was stretched open this time.  I only hoped a few days and some hot baths would return it to normal.

I washed my hands and splashed some cold water on my face.  I wiped it off on the towel and checked my face in the mirror.  I looked presentable. 

I unlocked the door and came out.  Chad was holding my shirt.  “Here you go,” he said, pleasantly.  He had transformed back into nice Chad. 

“Thanks,” I replied indifferently, as I pulled it over my head.

“That was so damn hot.  We should definitely do this again sometime,” he suggested, smiling.

“Yeah, sure,” I responded half-heartedly.  My lack of enthusiasm for a repeat must have been obvious.  His smile morphed quickly into a frown.

“So, um… you go to Olympia, right?” Chad asked.

Olympia is my school.  As much as I didn’t want Chad to know details of my life, it was obvious from where he picked me up what school I would attend.  Plus, I suck at lying.  “Yeah.  Why?” I eventually answered.

He pulled his phone from his pocket.  “Hold on,” he said as his finger danced across the screen.  “Here,” he said, turning his screen to me, displaying a picture of a cute brown-haired boy.  “This is Brett, my kid.  He’ll be starting at Olympia tomorrow.”

“Okay?” I replied, hesitating, not understanding what he was getting at.

“So maybe I could introduce you.  I’d love to have someone show him a few things, if you know what I mean.  Perhaps you could put your condom to good use and teach him how great it feels to be fucked.  If he likes it, maybe he would want some special times with his daddy,” he said, grinning.  “God, I bet he’s even tighter than you.  Good thing too, with his braces, that’s the only usable hole for a cock as big as mine.  Don’t you think a three-way would be so fucking hot?”

“What the hell?!” I reacted strongly.  Was this guy for real?  Wanting me to help seduce his kid?  “Why would you assume he’d even be interested?  Do you even think he’s gay?”  I couldn’t believe he was trying to hook me up with his 11-year-old son.

“I think he could be.  I overheard him and a friend jerking off together at a sleepover a few months ago.  I think they may have even jacked each other.  It was so fucking hot listening to them talk dirty and moan as they enjoyed their dry cums.”

“So?  Even straight boys do shit like that,” I replied, thinking of Noah and Ian.  “I don’t think any of this is a good idea at all,” I said firmly, as I thought about my dad and all the trouble recently with Craig.  Part of me wanted to yell “Just leave him the fuck alone,” but I didn’t have the courage.  And I still needed a ride home.

“Brett is a good boy who always does what he’s told because that’s what I expect.  Whether he’s interested or not isn’t relevant.  He’ll open his mouth wide and bend his scrawny butt over if I tell him to do as you say,” Chad said, clearly enjoying his fantasy.  I was afraid he was going to get himself so worked up he’d make me spread my legs again, and I didn’t think I could endure that.  “You’ll just have to make sure he’s careful when giving a blowjob.  He got braces last month and I imagine that could hurt.”

I was aghast and didn’t know what to say.  This was surreal.

“But, it will be better if he enjoys it, like you. I bet you had a loving father, uncle, or teacher who cared enough to train you to enjoy taking cock,” Chad suggested.

What a weird fucking thought.  I don’t think guys are turned gay because they’re molested.  Jesus.  I just stood there in silence.

“Besides, even if he isn’t gay or bi, he still has a prostate and everyone likes getting off, right?” Chad asked.

I wasn’t sure whether he was trying to rationalize this to himself or talk me into it, but talking about his kid as if he were a sex doll made me uncomfortable.  Sex should be loving and enjoyable, not coerced.  I could feel anger rising, with him both alluding to my father and the prospect of him impaling an even smaller and less willing kid.  “Just leave him be,” I finally pleaded, finally adopting a more forceful tone.  It wasn’t the angry outburst I imagined, but at least I stood up to him.

"Okay, okay,” he relented, raising his hands, signaling me to calm down.  “Well, maybe you can at least look out for him, make sure he doesn’t get picked on.  He’s kind of quiet.”

“They keep the sixth graders in their own wing.  I’ll probably never see him,” I explained.  At least I hoped I didn’t.  I don’t want anything reminding me of this encounter.  I hated to think I might run into Chad at some school function. 

I noticed my bag and lube still on the bed.  I scooped them up and threw them over my shoulder, ready to end this conversation.

“Ready then?” he asked somberly.  I wonder if he felt guilty knowing that I didn’t enjoy it as much as he did.

I nodded.  I silently followed him to his car.  I ached as we walked down the stairs and across the parking lot.  It wasn’t much more comfortable sitting either.  I knew I would need a long, warm bath when I finally made it home.  That was something to look forward to.

As we drove back to Speedway, it felt like something was dripping from my ass.  I knew it couldn’t be cum, so presumed it was lube, or just my imagination.  Neither of us spoke.  I wondered if Chad felt bad, or perhaps was freaking out that he just had sex with a middle school boy and was worried that I might tell someone.

He pulled into Speedway and parked.  “You’ll be okay?” he asked with concern. 

“Yeah.”

“You know you can tell anyone about what we did, right?” he asked, concerned.

“Duh,” I answered angrily.

I expected Chad to grill me for being disrespectful, but he didn’t.  “Okay, okay.  Are you sure you’re all right?” 

“I’m sure.  I’m just thirsty,” I replied.  My throat was sore, and parched.

“Do you need money?” he asked, suddenly sympathetic.  I nodded.  I had taken $2 with me but I spent it on the pre-fuck Dr. Pepper.  He took a $5 from his wallet and flipped it towards me.  “Well, see you around kid,” he said as he reached for his stick shift.  I guess it was his way of saying get out.  So, I did.  I think we both knew we would never speak again.

***

I made my way immediately past the soda fountains to the men’s room, found an empty stall, and sat.  I had to make sure nothing was dripping from my butt.  The cheap-ass toilet paper was not what I needed.  The rough single-ply scraped against my swollen tissues, causing me to wince.  I stopped wiping and just patted the paper instead.  Turns out it was just a little bit of lube that had leaked out.  I was relieved.  It felt like so much more than that in the car.  Thankfully, there wasn’t a trace of it on my new boxerjocks.

After pulling up my shorts, I headed to the sink to wash my hands.  An older guy was drying his hands and gave me a very strange look before leaving.  I looked at myself in the mirror, worried there was something wrong with my appearance.  My hair was more mussed than usual, but I didn’t look that odd.  Did I have some look about me that told people I’d just experienced my first random hook-up and had my ass busted by a huge cock?  I fixed my hair up a little and left.

I used Chad’s five bucks to get a milk shake.  I figured the cool drink would feel good on my sore throat.  I swear it was like I could feel his cock still stretching my gullet.  I knew it would be sore tomorrow and my voice was sure to be raspy.  Mom will be worried I am getting sick just as school is starting. 

I hope any effect on my voice is temporary.  It suddenly occurred to me there might be a reason gay guys have stereotypical high-pitched voices and lisps.  Could sucking big ones deep do something to your voice box?

***

I began the long walk home, walking considerably slower than the trip there.  My ass hurt and I was taking shorter steps to keep it from throbbing.  It was starting to itch as well.  I found myself scratching, gently of course, every few steps – after making sure there wasn’t a passing car.  I couldn’t wait to get home and submerge myself in a hot bath.  At least the milkshake was helping my tender throat.

The long walk gave me plenty of time to work up resentment  – towards myself.  I was so stupid, meeting a stranger like that and basically giving him permission to use me however he wanted.  I thought it would be arousing to be told what to do, and it was at first.  But then it just became degrading and humiliating.  I don’t know why I ever thought I would be able to handle a huge cock either.  My ass is going to hurt for days.  Would it ever return to normal?  Cam was worried a grown-up dick would stretch me out.  I didn’t see how that was possible after doing it with Craig, but after Chad, I get it.

Today was certainly a lesson for me.  Sex had always been such a fun thing, full of pleasure.  Some of my past sexual experiences were better than others, but none were ever something I regretted or failed to enjoy.  Even getting caught by the security guard with Eduardo and Armando coming onto me hadn’t altered my enthusiasm for sex. 

But today was different.  I didn’t expect getting with Chad to be as heartfelt as with Cam or Craig, but I expected it to at least be fun.  It will be hard to have sex again without worrying about how I might feel afterwards.  I’ve realized it can be a downer.  I guess it’s a lesson one must learn the hard way.  It’s probably why there are laws about needing to be older to have sex.

I pulled out my phone and trashed Grindr.  Maybe when I am older, I will use it again.  For now, I’m done with that shit – and pretending to be grown.  I also removed Chad from my Snapchat contacts.  I just hoped I’d never hear from him again, or God forbid, see him at school. 

I still couldn’t believe that guy.  Hooking up with me was one thing, but trying to set me up with his kid?  Jesus!  I thought about the picture of Brett.  He wasn’t bad looking and had a beaming smile.  I wondered if he truly was gay.  Honestly, he kind of looked it.  If so, maybe he and Spencer will become friends.  They might go to the same elementary school and already know each other.  For all I know, Spencer could be the friend that Chad caught with Brett.  I will have to find a way to ask Spencer. 

Fueled by my memory of Cam and I busting Spencer’s cherry, I couldn’t help but wonder if Brett would flash that broad smile as he was fucked for the first time.  I recalled Spencer’s ass was amazingly tight.  I bet Brett’s would be too.  If it wasn’t for his dad’s meddling, I realized I might enjoy doing what his perverted father suggested. 

It made me guilty even enjoying the thought of breaking in Brett.  I was scared for what might be on his horizon, with his own - extremely hung - father having designs on his butt.  What a sicko.  The one reassuring thing about this whole day was the realization that my dad isn’t the only twisted dude out there.  I managed to find another a few miles away without even trying.  Are there more adults into kids than anyone realizes?  Counting Craig, that makes three just in my small circle.

“At least my dad never tried to fuck me,” I thought to myself.  Then I recalled my own bizarre thoughts after receiving my dad’s letter.  I wondered if he would have loved me more had I been born a girl, and maybe done stuff with me instead of getting in trouble with our friends.  I can’t believe I even thought about having him do things with the female me… but I wasn’t getting off on it sexually: that fantasy was all about keeping our family together.

As I finally reached my street, I had a final realization.  I could never tell anyone about what happened today.  I’m too ashamed to admit how dumb I was to do something so risky.  I feel like a cheap whore – trading my mouth and ass for a fucking milkshake and some change.  If Craig or my mom knew I did this, they would be so disappointed.  The thought of disappointing either of them killed me.

I wish I had the courage to tell Spencer about it, as a warning.  I could totally see that horny little pervert thinking he would enjoy something like this, only to have his ass wrecked, just like mine is now. 

***

I managed to survive my first day of eighth grade, but holy shit, it sucked.  Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is sitting in those hard, plastic chairs for almost seven hours with a tender, itchy ass?  I didn’t think Chad’s spanked me that hard, but the rigid chairs reminded me otherwise.  Not only was my hole sore and constantly needing scratched, my cheeks throbbed as well.  I found myself shifting back and forth constantly to ease the discomfort. 

The worst part was that old hag Mrs. Hickman.  I have her for language arts in my next to last class.  She has the reputation for being the meanest teacher in the school, so I was hoping she would retire before I ended up in her class.  I don’t know why she keeps working, she’s ancient and nobody likes her.  It was the only teacher I groaned about when I saw my schedule. 

You should have heard the bitch.  A few teachers let you pick your seat on the first day.  It becomes your assigned seat and they fill in their seating charts so they can learn names.  But Mrs. Hickman is old school.  She assigns seats alphabetically, and wouldn’t you know it?  I get the one in the front row, near her desk.  I’d been scooting my ass around much of the period, trying to scratch the itch without grabbing my asshole in front of everyone.  “Sit still,” she suddenly yelled, slapping her hand down on my desk, startling everyone.  “You’re in eighth grade, Mr. Coleman.  This is not kindergarten.  You act like you have ants in your pants!” 

Of course, the whole class cracked up before she shushed them.  I was mortified.  I am sure my face turned a bright shade of red, perhaps like the dark crimson Chad commented about after spanking me.  I’m not easily embarrassed, but she managed to completely humiliate me.  A couple of my friends waited just outside the door to add to my misery. 

“Way to go, ants-in-the-pants Coleman,” Austin snickered, imitating the teachers voice.  I wasn’t sure if he was just making fun of Mrs. Hickman’s vocabulary or mocking me.  I think it was both. 

“Yeah Max, you were squirming around like you had a dick in your butt,” Jamie added.

“Eff off,” I replied to both, shaking my head.  “How the hell do you know how a dick in the ass feels anyway, James?” I asked defensively.  Jamie never used his proper name.  Referring to him as James was a subtle dig.  I found it odd that he chose to go there, bringing up getting fucked, which makes me wonder if he thinks about gay sex.  Maybe there was something about Jamie I didn’t know?

“Chill man,” Austin said.  “We’re just giving you crap.”  I realized that, and wasn’t truly angry with them.  Giving me a hard time was their way of commiserating.  It was a sincere form of affection for middle school guys.

‘I know, I know.  God I can’t stand her already,” I answered as we walked to our final class, my voice still raspy from having Chad’s cock stuffing my throat.

“No shit,” added Jamie.  “I’m sure she’ll get all of us before the year is over.  My brother got detentions from her every other week.”

***

As I rode the bus home, my ass was still on fire, I thought about needing to come up with some plan to relieve the discomfort to get through day two of school.

After walking home yesterday, I took a long, hot bath.  That helped, but the effect was short lived.  A few hours later, I was getting sore and itchy again.  I rummaged through our medicine cabinet looking for something that might help.  I came across a half-used tube of Preparation H hemorrhoid cream.  I’m not even sure what the hell a hemorrhoid is, but I remembered seeing ads on TV with drawings showing a burning, throbbing butthole being soothed.

I took the tube into my bathroom and smeared the yellowish gel onto toilet paper and applied it across my sensitive bottom.  It eliminated the itch right away and added a comforting tingle.  This was good stuff, and provided sufficient relief so I was able to sleep.  I hid the tube in my bathroom and applied a bunch more before school today, but it wore off by the end of third hour and the rest of the day was pure hell, capped off by Mrs. Hickman’s demeaning outburst.  There isn’t much left in the tube.  I hope it will last until my ass returns to normal.  I also hope it’s not something Mom will notice missing.

Tomorrow I think I’ll hide the magic ointment in my backpack.  The only problem is if I get caught, I would get in huge trouble for bringing medicine to school and not only that, it would be embarrassing.  It’s not like getting caught with Advil or cough drops.  I would have to come up with a story to tell mom, for sure.  It’s not like I can take it to the nurse, because I am NOT going to ask her to put ointment on my anus.  Do eighth graders even get hemorrhoids?

I doubt I will get caught.  I can take my backpack with me into the stall and apply some between classes.  It’s not like they search our backpacks and mine has a hidden compartment that is a great hiding place.

I’m going to take another hot bath as soon as I get home.  I deserve it after my rough first day of eighth grade.  I’m going to add some Epsom salts too.  I think that will help.

***

The bath was amazing.  It was just what I needed to get me out of my shitty mood.  My first day was such a disaster.  I was miserable and the only thing I accomplished was collecting homework and getting humiliated.  Eighth grade is going to suck.

I thought I might manage to get Noah to talk to Ashley at lunch.  She was hanging out with some of her friends in the commons.  I told him it would be a great opportunity to see if she was planning to go to S.N.O., but he was too chicken shit to ask her.  He nagged me all through lunch to go with him to talk to her, but then when he had a chance, he claimed he didn’t want to ask her in front of her posse.  Ashley and Heather peeled off on their own and I almost had Noah convinced to approach her, but the bell rang. 

If I had a class with Ashley, I would just ask her myself - while also adding a reminding that Noah is into her.  But she’s on the other team.  The good team – the one without Hitler Hickman.  Tomorrow, hopefully I can get Noah and her set up for Friday night.  I would love to find an excuse to skip S.N.O.  I’m just not in the mood. 

***

After my bath, I applied some ointment, slipped on some clothes, found a snack, and dove into my homework.  Most teachers just wanted us to fill out some info sheets.  Not Mrs. Hickman of course.  For her, I must write a page on “What I did this summer.”  It seems like such an elementary school thing – to write about your summer.  In her defense, she did say she mostly wanted to see how well we write, and your most recent summer is an easy topic. 

I wonder what she would be most interested in?  My falling in love, having a boyfriend, and losing my virginity?  Or maybe she would love to hear about me getting caught sucking cock on the beach in Cozumel?  I could tell her all about Eduardo’s large penis and how he can self-suck.  Maybe she’d love to know I taught a nerdy kid from Phoenix how to masturbate and play with his butt?  Hey, I know, I can tell her all about Chad’s huge cock wrecking my backside.  At least she would understand why I couldn’t sit still!

Or I could go dark and tell her all about hearing from my imprisoned father and finding out he’s super homophobic.  She probably already knows about my dad.  It’s hardly a secret.  Maybe I should just tell her all about getting dumped and having to live with the fear of Craig being swept away to join my father. 

I laughed aloud for the first time since the sleepover blow-up at Noah’s, imagining her head exploding in mortification as she read about any of my summer exploits.  It sure would be a change from the standard ‘I went to the lake and to visit my cousins’ drivel.  In the end, I wrote mostly about Cozumel but focused on the diving and the places we dined.  I included the friends I met, omitting the sexual parts. 

I also ended up writing all about Craig, detailing all the things he’d done for me this year.  I even made mention of my dad, adding “I’m sure you know all about THAT” in parenthesis.  I got carried away and before I knew it, I had filled a second page and begun a third.

It was a nice reminder of all the good deeds Craig had done.  Many awesome things happened this year and Craig was connected to all of them in some way.  Then, suddenly, something hit me like a brick wall.  A lot of terrible things happened this year too – and none of them would have happened if I hadn’t ever connected with Craig.  I may never have had sex of any kind without his encouraging me to try things with Cam.  I sure as hell would never have become desperate enough to hook up with Chad.  If Cam and I had even become boyfriends, he wouldn’t have had any reason to dump me. 

I found myself pondering if life would be better if Craig just remained my best friend’s neighbor  I hardly knew, instead of my surrogate father.  I soon concluded I would be much happier right now if I’d never gone to Noah’s New Year’s Eve party.  In fact, I became angry that Craig ever inserted himself into my life and caused all these bad things to happen.  Why did he have to hear me wish I had a boyfriend, anyway? 

Sex can be awesome and all, but also suck badly.  This realization caused memories to come flooding back.  Craig warned me to not be so impulsive and casual about sex, after Eduardo and I were caught on the beach.  It was our first real argument.  I thought his lecture was dumb at the time, but maybe he was right.  Craig always seems to be...wait.

It dawned on me how eagerly Craig pushed me into playing with Cam even though I was scared, convincing me giving a blow job wouldn’t taste bad and butt stuff wouldn’t hurt.  He encouraged me to tell him stories about the stuff I did with other boys.  Now, I’m hooked on gay sex - and barely able to talk or sit.  Meanwhile, Craig repeatedly got off by living vicariously through my exploits.  Then, he claimed his ultimate prize in Mexico, and made me think it was all my idea when I inevitably initiated our first encounter.  What kind of mentor or father encourages a kid to have sex?  A selfish, horny bastard, that’s who!  Mother fucker!

I remembered what Cam said, that Craig was a pervert who schemed this whole time and took me out of the country to get what he really wanted.  Craig and I even talked about it when I wrote those apology letters, but I didn’t believe it.  Was I wrong?  Even retrieving the letter and feeling so bad for putting Craig at risk was only about what he wanted.  Maybe the letter would have changed Cam’s mind, but I’ll never know because we had to destroy it since that’s what Craig insisted on to protect himself.  He didn’t care that I need Cam back.

Craig warned me about this, that with time and perspective I might reconsider what we did and how I felt toward him.  I said I never would, but now I’m not so sure.  Craig has done a lot of good things for me, and I have genuinely loved him, but was everything he did a way to soften me for his eventual advances?  Has he been playing the long game this whole time?  But then, I begged him to fuck and spank me just a couple of nights ago, and he refused.  If he were a perv, would he have denied himself?  Of course, his refusal to do that just pushed me into sadistic Chad’s depraved playhouse.  At least Craig was gentle.

I’m so confused.  I don’t know what to believe or how to feel.  I just want things to go back to normal, but ‘normal’ doesn’t seem to exist now that Craig has become such a big part of my life.

Just as I was nearly in tears and my anger mounting, Craig sent me a text.  “Still on for dinner tomorrow night?” he asked.  The hell of the last two days caused me to completely forget we made plans for tomorrow.

“Sure,” I answered, but I was anything but sure.  I didn’t know what to say.  With all I’ve endured, could I tolerate losing Craig too? But was he ever really in my corner, or were the last few months just some sick game this entire time?  I’ve always loved spending time with Craig.  It’s always the highlight of my week, and not just because he buys me stuff.  Now, for the first time, I’m dreading the prospect of being alone with him.  I tucked my phone back into my pocket, not sure I could face him tomorrow.

***

Day two of school was a major improvement.  My ass was healing and a reapplication of ointment after third period let me get through the day relatively comfortably.  There were a least a few moments where I wasn’t dwelling on my ass.

My thoughts were elsewhere anyway, namely on Craig.  My whole revelation about him ruining my life was still weighing on me.  I brooded as I lay in bed last night.  I’d get angry with him, then I’d get upset at myself for not appreciating him.  I wasn’t sure what to think.  I knew I’d miss him, but dammit, without him none of this bad shit would have ever happened.  I was mad at myself too for being stupid.  I think deep down I know I’m just directing my resentment at Chad and myself to someone I can inflict pain on.  But still, I can’t get past the fact my life would be much simpler without Craig’s involvement. 

My emotions were all over the place and I would rather be home alone to sort through things.  I still wasn’t looking forward to seeing Craig, but knew I needed to confront him, say goodbye, forgive, confess, or whatever was necessary to move on from these horrible feelings gnawing at me.  I snuck a quick text during passing time, confirming tonight.

***

Not only did I avoid the wrath of Mrs.  Hickman, I also managed to get Noah to talk to Ashley and get her commitment to go to S.N.O.  Noah and I approached her after lunch.  We were lucky to catch her with just one friend, coming back from the restroom.  He wanted me to talk to her without him, but I grabbed his arm and made his shy ass come with me. 

When I asked her if she was planning to go, she was either disinterested or flirting.  “I wasn’t sure if anyone fun would be going,” she answered, hesitating and looking at us, batting her eyes. 

“Well, we’re going,” I replied, flashing very obvious glances and subtle nods towards Noah.  Ashley took the hint.  She glanced up at me, then to him and smiled.  “Well, if you guys are going, that should make if fun enough.  I’ll see you there,” she replied before marching off.

My wingman duty was fulfilled.  Only, I screwed it up by telling her we were both going.  I didn’t even think before I blurted that.  I still wasn’t feeling it, but I didn’t leave myself much choice now.

As we walked the other direction, Noah jumped onto my back, wrapping his arm around me, teeming with excitement.  “Thanks man, that was awesome.”

“It was no big deal,” I replied.  “I really think you could have managed that yourself.”

“Yeah, but I might have pissed my pants.  Thanks, and thanks for agreeing to go.  I can tell you really aren’t feeling it.”  Leave it to Noah to read me like a book.  “I can tell you’re still in a funk.” he asked.

“I’ll snap out of it, eventually.  I’m trying to move on.”

“Okay, okay,” he replied, as he bumped his shoulder into me.  It was as much affection guys can show in middle of a crowded hallway.  I appreciated Noah noticing my shitty mood, even if he didn’t understand why I was still down.  The incident with Cam on Saturday was part of it, but it was mostly because I let a big dicked pervert ravish my asshole and was reconsidering my relationship with someone who has become one of the most important parts of my life.

***

I just finished a long soak in the tub when Craig texted.  “Hey Max… about tonight,” his message read.  I was relieved.  Usually when someone says something like ‘about tonight,’ they are preparing to cancel.  Given my recent doubts about Craig, I would have welcomed a change of plans.

But that’s not what he was setting up.  “How about I bring you to my house and you can help me fix my famous spaghetti and meatballs instead of going out?”

“Sure,” I answered.  I’m glad my dejection didn’t come through via text.

“Pick you up around 6?”

“Yeah,” I replied. 

***

I tried to muster some excitement for an evening with Craig, but couldn’t.  I always looked forward to spending time with him before, no matter what we were doing.  But now, I’m not sure about our relationship.  I wonder if I should tell him about my doubts and confront him.  Would he be angry?  Might I really be happier without him?  I still wasn’t sure what to do. 

I was trying to finish my geometry homework, but couldn’t concentrate.  It was impossible to put thoughts of my friendship with Craig out of my mind to focus on anything else.

“Max!” Mom yelled from downstairs.  I heard her pull into the garage a few minutes before.  “Craig is here.”  I closed my geometry book and left my room, feeling anxious.  She met me at the bottom of the stairs.  “School okay?” she asked, giving me a brief hug.

“Yeah, fine.  Nothing interesting,” I replied, lingering in her embrace, delaying my departure.  Finally, I headed towards the door.

“Have fun sweetie,” she called out as I left.

***

I tried to act normal as possible in the car.  Craig asked how I was feeling.  I knew he was really asking if I was still down from what happened at Noah’s.  I told him I was over it, and might have even sounded convincing.  The truth was I already shed much of my resentment towards Cam.  My rage was redirected – to Chad, who definitely deserved it… and now to Craig, who I am not sure is worthy. 

Honestly, as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve begun missing Cam again.  Maybe it was a side effect of being degraded by Chad and my growing anxiety about Craig.  I was day dreaming about previous good times with my ex-boyfriend when I realized I’d been ignoring Craig.

“Earth to Max,” he said, waving his hand in front of me.  “I asked how school was so far.  Do you like your teachers?”

“Sorry,” I replied.  “It’s good.  My teachers seem okay, well except Mrs. Hickman.  She’s the strictest teacher I’ve ever had.”

“Ah yes, good old Mrs. Hickman.  She’s STILL there?” he asked surprised.  “Emma and Rachel both dodged having her, but I still heard all about her from some of their friends.  I thought she was five years past retirement then.  I can’t believe she’s still teaching.”

“Yeah, well, me either.  It’s going to be a long year with her.”

“Give her a chance,” Craig suggested.  “One thing I learned is that sometimes the mean teachers are not nearly as bad as advertised.  They might even surprise you.”

“Fat chance,” I replied.  I almost told him about her humiliating me, but then I would have to explain why I was unable to sit still.  There is no way I would ever like her.

***

We got busy making the spaghetti sauce and meatballs as soon as Craig changed clothes.  He was excited to share his secret recipe with me.  “I’ve never shared this outside my family.  I was going to tell you that you should be honored, but I guess you are pretty much family now,” he said, smiling. 

I tried to act interested.  I was charged with adding the herbs to the tomato sauce as Craig rounded up the ingredients for the meatballs.  As I collected the spices, I tried to think of a way to bring up my concerns about our relationship.  It was only fair that Craig knows I’m having doubts about us spending time together.  How do you even bring up something like that?  I couldn’t think of a way to start the conversation.

I wasn’t paying close enough attention to what I was doing.  “Whoa!” Craig yelled, stopping me as I was about to add some oregano to the sauce.

“What?”

“That’s supposed to be a teaspoon, not a tablespoon.  Pay attention.  I can’t have you ruining the reputation of my famous sauce.”

“Sorry,” I muttered.

A few moment later he stopped me again.  “I think you already added pepper Max.” 

“Oh yeah,” I replied.  “Sorry.”

“What’s with you?  You seem distracted.  Are you sure everything is okay?  Is Saturday still weighing on you?”

“I’m fine!” I retorted defiantly.  “I’m just tired.  I didn’t sleep well last night,” I added, making an excuse.

“Well after a big plate of spaghetti you’ll sleep great.  Carb overload, you know.”

“Yeah.”

***

While the sauce simmered, we moved onto mixing the meatballs.  Craig dumped ground beef and Italian sausage into a large bowl and added some other ingredients.  Then we donned plastic gloves and starting mixing it all together.  It was kind of gross and my hands kept getting cold from the refrigerated meat. 

We started making the meatballs and putting them into a large pan to cook.  Craig was very picky about his damn meatballs.  I’ve never seen him so uptight about something.  He’s usually pretty laid back.  First, I was making them too big.  “They won’t cook through if they are that big,” he said, correcting my first few attempts.

I tried to make them smaller, but apparently then I was making them too little.  “Your balls are too small,” he soon quipped.  I think he was trying to be funny, but it rubbed me wrong.

“Forget it,” I said, ripping off my gloves.

“Max!” he complained.  “I was teasing.”

“What?!” I asked in disgust.  “Maybe I should have just stayed home tonight,” I said, my emotions finally bursting over.

“Calm down dude, it’s just food.  Something’s bothering you,” he said sternly.  “What is it?”

“You damn right there is.  I shouldn’t have come tonight.  As a matter of fact, I’m not sure we should have ever become friends.”

Craig was stunned.  He looked at me, shocked.  He stared back at me, trying to make sense of what I just said.  “What?” he asked, just before I lost it.

“Nothing,” I cried out, before fleeing upstairs.

***

I retreated to a spare bedroom.  It was where I slept in the night before our trip, so in a slight way, it seemed like ‘my room.’  I rolled across the bed and onto the floor, hiding myself from view, and waited.

I knew Craig would find me and I would tell him everything.  We had to have this talk and it took an outburst to open the door to the conversation.  Craig would realize something was bothering me, which would make discussing it easier.

Craig didn’t come up for almost 15 minutes.  He tapped lightly on the open door.  “You in here Max?” he asked softly.

“Over here,” I responded, taking a deep breath.

Craig flopped onto the bed and leaned over the side.  He reached down and scratched my back.  “Sorry.  I had to finish the meatballs.  You want to tell me what this is all about?” he asked.  So, apparently his damn meatballs are more important than me?

I rolled over and looked up at him.  He seemed concerned.  I slowly sat.  “Well,” I began, looking down at the floor.  “Remember how you said someday I might not think what we did was okay anymore?” It was the only way I could think to start the conversation.

I swear I heard him say “Oh fuck” under his breath, but I might have imagined that.  He sighed.  “Yes.  But I expected that might be when you were 10 years older, not 10 days.  Is this all about what happened on Saturday?  With Cam?  Or maybe something to do with when I put you to bed?”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

“Well, something has clearly altered your thinking.  What got into your head?”

Something hadn’t gotten into my head… something had gotten into my ass – Chad’s gigantic cock.  That was the source of my angst.  But I couldn’t tell him that.  “Mrs. Hickman,” I answered before pausing.

“Mrs. Hickman?  You’ve been in her class for two days.  How could she make you change how you feel about me?”

“She made us write about our summer.  I wrote about the things I did… we did.  Not those things.  Just the trip and all that.  I wrote about you in general, too.  It made me realize that so many of the good things that happened this year would never have happened without you.  But…” I began.

“But what?”

“Then I thought of all the bad things that have happened.  Cam dumping me.  Getting caught on the beach with Eduardo.  Being worried about you getting in trouble.”  Chad ravaging my hole was the worst, but I left that out.

“Okay, and?” he asked, clearly not understanding where I was going.

“None of those would have happened either if I hadn’t met you.  The more I thought the more I realized: I would probably be happier now if we had just never started being friends.  I wouldn’t be addicted to sex and doing stupid things, that’s for sure.”

Craig sat up on the bed.  He looked shaken, about to cry.  My words obviously hit him hard.

“Stupid things?” he finally asked, stifling a sniffle.

“Yeah, like asking you to spank me,” I quickly answered.  I was really alluding to Chad, but I wasn’t telling Craig about that.  Almost another slip.

“That wasn’t a big deal, Max.  You only want to be loved and you just aren’t sure how that should feel.  I thought I was giving you the love you were missing, though maybe not always in the most appropriate way.”

“I know.  But I wish I’d never started having sex, and I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for you,” I replied, adopting an accusatory tone.  “You eagerly talked me into giving Cam a BJ,” I continued, “and then you were getting off on hearing about what Cam and I were doing.  Being a naive virgin sounds pretty good right about now.  It’s better than longing for things I can’t have.”

“You have a point,” he finally said, glancing up at me with shame.  “I should have urged you to be more cautious.  You don’t have any idea how exciting it was for me to watch a gay boy being true to himself.  I didn’t have the guts to be myself when I was your age.  Hell, I still don’t.  It’s true – I did enjoy hearing about you and Cam, but not because it was arousing.  It made me happy to see you being brave enough to be yourself.”

“Oh,” I replied.  That wasn’t at all the way I thought of it.  He was enjoying hearing about our romps, but not for the reasons I assumed.

“I was so caught up in watching you explore your sexuality, I didn’t want you to miss out on some of the best parts of being gay.”

“Like giving blow jobs,” I replied with a slight laugh.

“Yes, for sure, right.  And getting to know your prostate.  It might have taken a little longer had I not eased your concerns, but I am pretty sure you and Cam would have gotten there on your own.  Don’t you think?”

“Maybe, but I would never have been with Cam if you hadn’t softened up his mom.  Then I’d never have been dumped either,” I answered defensively.

“Max.  You’ve heard this saying I’m sure, but it’s better to have love and lost to have never loved at all.  I certainly feel that way about you and I.  I’ll never regret our time together, even if I wished we hadn’t done some things.  I hope you feel that way too - if not now, eventually.  And you and Cam had some great times too.  Maybe you will again once you aren’t as bitter.”

“It already has, kind of,” I answered.  It was hard to be mad at myself, Cam, Chad, and now Craig at the same time… and oh yeah, evil Mrs. Hickman, too.  It’s fucking exhausting! 

“Oh?” he replied with increased interest.  “That’s good to hear.”  I don’t know why he cared so much.  It’s not like we’re ever getting back together.  Was Craig that desperate to keep living through me, or maybe he enjoyed hearing sexy stories more than he wants to admit.

“I can’t begin to describe how much I care about you Max,” Craig added.  “You are every bit as dear to me as my own wife and kids.  You’re the son I never had, and I’m sorry I messed that up.”

Neither of us spoke.  I was beginning to doubt my stupid concerns about Craig.  But there was still one question I had to ask.  It took some time to muster the courage to speak, but finally I uttered: “Can you swear you didn’t take me to Mexico just to do stuff?”

Craig looked stunned, again.  “Max!  You know that isn’t true.  I’ve been as honest as I can with you about all this,” he replied, almost in tears.  He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes.  “I loved what we did at the time.  I felt so close to you when we made love,” he said.  “But I know now it was wrong and I’ll live with knowing I fucked up until my dying days.  But I promise you it was never planned.  I’d never do that.  It kills me to know you think of me like that.”

What he said made me feel guilty.  I realized I’d warped things in my mind to make Craig the bad guy when he wasn’t.  “I’m sorry.  You’re right.  I’m just so confused right now.  Nothing makes sense any more.  Everything is twisted.”

Craig opened his arms, a sign he would hug me if it was what I wanted.  I jumped into his arms.  I felt like shit for make him sad.  I rested my head on his shoulder and relished his familiar embrace and scent. 

After he held me for a few moments, he finally asked.  “So, what’s really going on?  Are you truly having second thoughts about me, and Mexico?  I feel like there’s something important you’re holding back.”

Craig always seems to know things.  It’s like he can read the disturbance in my force.  I laughed to myself when I thought of it like that.  Joshua would approve of me comparing my life to Star Wars.  I decided to be honest with him.  “Remember what I said about stupid things?”

“Yes.  I assume you did something you regret,” he asked.

I nodded.  “You know Grindr?”

“The app you mean?” he asked, alarmed.

“Yeah.  I tried it out.”

“Oh no!” he whispered.  “Max!  You didn’t?”

“I met up with someone,” I admitted apprehensively.  “Another older guy.”

He hugged me tight.  “You want to tell me about it?”  I was glad he wasn’t being judgey.

“I never meant to.  I was just goofing around.  I talked to a couple guys, just for fun.  It was kinda hot, you know?  This one guy, Chad, told me he wanted to be my daddy and spank me and fuck me.  It was funny.  But…” I explained.

“The idea kind of wormed into your brain and festered?” he asked.  “Is that where you got the idea for me to spank you?”

It was like he knew how it was.  “Sort of.  You know I like to get fucked, and suck, and I’d been missing that ever since we got back.  And the whole idea of doing what someone else wants was kinda hot.  And I’ve been bad and messing up.  I deserved to be disciplined and you wouldn’t do it.”

“I understand that.  It’s called being submissive.  I have a bit of that in me too.  Are you telling me you actually met up with this Chet?”

“Chad.  And yeah, Monday afternoon.”

I could feel Craig tense up.  “Did he know you are barely 14?”

“Not until I met him, at the Speedway by my house,” I confessed.  “Before that, I lied before that and told him I was 16.  I didn’t tell him the truth until I got in his car.”

“And he didn’t tell you to get lost?”

“No.  I think it turned him on ever more.  When I told him, I swear his crotch expanded.”

“Jesus Christ!” Craig replied.  “Where did he take you?  To his house?”

“No, a cheap hotel.”

Craig let out a heavy sigh.  “I’m guessing it didn’t meet your expectations?”

“It started out okay but turned awful.  I got to play with his big dick, and holy shit it was huge, and suck on it.  I liked that part.  It was exciting to have one that large in my hand.  It was as thick as a soda can.  But then he started forcing it down my throat and making me gag.  Then he spanked me, which was not that bad until he got carried away and did it too hard.  I just kept thinking it was punishment for things I’ve done wrong, like asking you to do stuff again.  But then he fucked me, and it hurt so bad.  It was nothing like with you.  He wasn’t gentle, or caring.”  I squeezed Craig tighter.

“I bet,” he replied, rubbing my back.  “Max, a cock that thick would be more than I can take, and I’m much bigger than you.  Didn’t you ask him to stop once you realized it was too much?”

“Not really.  I didn’t want to be a quitter or let him down.  When I cried out, he shoved my underwear in my mouth and told me to bite down and take it.  He added more lube and it wasn’t that bad, and he did rub against my prostate so hard that I did cum, eventually.”

“Jesus!” Craig reacted sharply.  Until then, he reminded me of Jan, my therapist, letting me tell the story without showing much emotion.  Shoving my underwear into my mouth to gag me must have triggered him.

“And then it was over?  He took you home?” he asked, returning to his calmer tone.

“No.  After he took off his rubber and made me lick the jizz off his dick.  I hesitated, but he told me I would have to walk home if I didn’t listen,” I explained.  “And then he made me lick up my own cum from the bed, and..” I started to tell him about pissing the bed, but stopped.  It was too embarrassing.

“And what?” he asked. 

“Nothing,” I replied, looking away.

“Max… C’mon.  You’ve told me this much.  You might as well share it all.”

I took a deep breath.  “When he was fucking me, I really had to piss… BAD.  And when I came, I think I peed some too.  It tasted awful when I licked the bed.”

“Mother Fucker!” Craig reacted sharply, his irritation clearly visible now.  “That’s mean, and gross.”

“Yeah, it was.  But it’s what I agreed to when I said I would meet him.”

“Agreed to?”

“I said I would do what he told me to do.  I thought it would be hot.  But it wasn’t and now my butt will never be the same,” I cried.

“I take it he left you sore?”

“Very.  I couldn’t even sit still in school yesterday.  My cheeks were sore and my hole ached and itched.  Cam warned me doing it with a grown up would mess up my butt, but I was too dumb to listen.  Mrs. Hickman completely humiliated me for not sitting still.  She asked me if I had ants in my pants and the whole class laughed at me.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through all that,” he answered as he continued to caress me.  “Have you tried warm baths?”

“Yes.  They help.  And I found some ointment that makes it better for a little while.  It’s not as bad, but it still doesn’t feel normal.  It hurts when I go number two.”

“You want me to take a look?” he offered hesitantly.

I shrugged.  I wasn’t sure I wanted him to see just how stupid I had been.  Plus, I was sure if he looked, he would tell me it was messed up forever.

“It’s up to you, but I’d like to make sure it’s nothing serious.  Are you sure you don’t want me to take a quick peek?  I have seen that part of you before after all.”  Craig seemed compelled to look, as if it was something he should do, but I could tell he was also uncomfortable. 

I relented.  Showing Craig is better than having mom look.  I stood up and pushed my shorts and trunks down and leaned over the dresser.  I heard Craig gasp as he gently spread my cheeks.  I could tell he was looking around, from different angles.  “Well, is it bad?” I asked.  I already knew by his reaction it must not look good.

“I can tell you got a good fucking.  It’s red and a little puffy.  I see some bruising.  But your hole isn’t gaping open or ruined.  I honestly think a couple more days and you will be back to normal.”

“Really?  Are you sure?” I asked excitedly.

“Well, I’m no doctor, but it doesn’t look that bad,” he said, gently slapping my butt, signaling I could get dressed.  Craig’s slap hurt and I winced.

“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” he said.

“It’s okay,” I replied, pulling up my shorts. 

I turned to him.  “Thanks.  I’m sorry about the constant drama.”

He stood and pulled me into a tight hug.  “That’s what dads are for,” he whispered.  “You ready to experience the best spaghetti and meatballs in Minnesota?”

I wanted to tell him about Brett, but I guess it would have to wait.  It was time to eat and I was starved.

Craig seemed so calm.  I wondered if he was hiding his emotions so I wouldn’t feel ashamed.  I expected anger and a stern lecture, but all he gave me was love.  How could I ever doubt Craig’s intentions?

***

Kim came home just as we were digging into our meals.  The meatballs and sauce were better than I expected.  Craig was right to be proud of his creation.  “It’s so good to see you, Max,” she said, in her normal bubbly tone. 

Seeing Kim, I realized I hadn’t asked Craig how much he told her after Saturday night.  I would have to ask him when we were alone.  “Thanks.  We made dinner,” I replied.

“I heard.  I hope Craig didn’t bore you to death with too many tales of people raving about his famous sauce,” she said rolling her eyes at Craig. 

She came towards my chair at the table.  “You doing okay? she asked, giving me a hug from behind.  “I was shopping and I picked you up something.”

“Oh,” I replied, “I’m good, thanks, but you didn’t have to do that.”  I was trying to be polite.  I couldn’t imagine what she might buy me.

“Don’t worry, it was in the bargain bin.  It reminded me of you and I couldn’t resist,” she said reaching into a bag.  She pulled out a small teddy bear dressed like a gymnast.  For a stuffed animal, it was actually kind of cool.  The colors on his uniform were even the same our gym uses.  His little bear hands were even taped.  I found that amusing.

“Wow, that’s awesome!  Thanks,” I replied, pretending to be more excited to appear appreciative.  It was very thoughtful of her, but I was too old to be thrilled about a stuffed animal.  I briefly wondered if Craig told her about tucking the bear in with me, but I dismissed the thought.  I’m sure she just saw it and was reminded of me. 

***

When I climbed into Craig’s car, I immediately asked him about Kim.  He told me she knows I’m gay and dated Cam.  “Don’t worry, you have her full support,” he assured me.

“Does Kim know you tucked me in with a stuffed animal?” I asked, curious.  Before he could reply, I realized I forgot to grab the gymnastics bear.  “Oh shit!” I exclaimed.  “I forgot the bear she bought.” 

We were just a couple blocks from his house and Craig did a quick U-turn.  “I told Kim I tucked you in, but I didn’t tell her about the bear,” he said as he drove.

He pulled into his driveway.  “I’ll go get it,” he offered.

He returned a few minutes later.  He was gone longer than I expected.  For some reason, I imagined Kim and Craig were talking about me.  I started getting nervous.  Was he going to be telling Kim everything, now that she knows? 

He handed the me the bear and backed out onto the street.  It smelled funny.  I brought it to my nose and sniffed.  It had a familiar scent.  Maybe because he was just holding it?  “It smells like you,” I commented.

“I spritzed it with my usual cologne.  If you want to sleep with a bear, I thought you might like it to remind you of someone special.  It was the least I could do.”

It seemed corny.  I’m 14 and I’m not supposed to sleep with a stuffed animal.  But somehow, I knew I would.  I also knew I would think of Craig when I did, and that I would like it.  “Thanks,” I told him.

I wanted to bring up Chad again and tell Craig about Brett, but before I could, Craig asked me about S.N.O.  “Are you going to S.N.O. on Friday?” he asked casually.  I wasn’t even sure how he knew about that.

“Yeah, I guess,” I shrugged.  “Noah wants me to, but I’m not that into it.”

“I saw Noah outside yesterday.  He was rambling on about some girl he plans to meet there.”

“Ashley Richardson.  He’s nuts about her.  I’m supposed to go and be his wingman and keep him from doing anything stupid.”

“That sounds like a noble thing for a friend to do,” he replied.

“Yeah, I don’t know.  After the last few days, I could really get into chilling at home, alone.”

“You should go,” Craig encouraged me.  “It might be more fun than you expect, and the social interaction might help improve your mood.  Besides, Noah really does need a wingman, don’t you think?”

“Probably,” I replied with a laugh.

I hoped to get back onto the topic of Chad and bring up Brett before he dropped me off, but after talking about S.N.O., we were about out of time.  Craig was pulling into my subdivision, and I wondered if the moment to tell him of my concerns for Brett had passed.  Maybe it was just as well.  Despite Craig’s calm reaction, I imagine he was more alarmed about my hook up with Chad than he let on.  If I told him about Brett, I am afraid he might do something to save Brett that ends up getting us in trouble.  Plus, we had enough drama earlier in the night and things were back to a good place. 

But as we approached my street, I realized I had to tell an adult.  I couldn’t keep it to myself.  It would eat at me.  “Keep going, don’t turn,” I barked abruptly.

He drove past my turnoff and slowed.  “What is it Max?”

“I have to tell you something important,” I replied.  I took a deep breath.  “About Chad.”

“Yeah?”

“He has a kid who is going to be a sixth grader at my school.  His name is Brett.  He wanted to fix me up with him, because he thinks he might be gay.”

“Wow, okay.  That’s a little odd for sure.  But if his son really is gay, having an older peer as a positive role model wouldn’t be all bad.”

“No, that’s not it!  You don’t get it!” I yelled.  “He wanted me to fuck him, to ‘break him in’ and show him it can be fun, so then he could do it to him too.  He even suggested a three way.  He wants to do his own fucking son!”

“What?! Are you sure?”

“Yes.  He showed me a picture of him and everything,” I said.  “I can’t let him do that Craig.  It hurt bad and he was so mean.  I can’t let a much smaller boy get ripped apart by his huge dick.”

Craig pulled into a park at the back of my neighborhood.  He seemed rattled.  He was beathing heavily as he put the car in park.  It took him a few seconds to speak.  “I’m glad you shared this.  Telling me was the right thing to do,” he said, running his fingers through his hair.  “I’m honestly not sure what to do, but I will think of something.  Did you get the impression he was going to try something soon, or was he trying to plan for down the road?”

“Down the road, I think.  He wanted someone closer to his age to show him stuff, then he was going to do it himself once he knew he liked it,” I explained.  “He said I was so tight and he couldn’t wait to find out if Brett would be even tighter.”  I paused to think of the other comments Chad made about his son.  I wanted Craig to know everything.  “He also told me he had to use Brett’s ass because his mouth is full of braces.”

Craig shook his head in disgust.  Then I recalled his worst comment.  “He also said Brett would do what he was told whether he liked it or not.  The way he said it, it seemed real.  I don’t think he was fantasizing.”

“Fuck,” Craig exclaimed, smacking his hands against the wheel.  “This guy sounds like a true piece of shit.  But it sounds like we have some time.  Give me a few days and I’ll come up with some ideas and we can reconvene,” he said.  “This is not something you should be trying to manage.  Maybe keep an eye out for him at school if you can, but you have enough to deal with already.  Let me handle this one, okay?”

I reached over and we hugged.  “Thanks.  I’m glad I told you.  I’m really worried for him.” I whispered.

“Me too.  No one, especially a damn child, should ever be forced to have sex,” Craig said in huff.  I could tell he was seething.  He took a few seconds to gather himself.  “I guess we should get you home.”

Section III

It’s completely fucking annoying how Craig always seems to be right.  Just last night he was telling me to give Mrs. Hickman a chance, and then…

Mrs. Hickman returned our papers.  As she walked up and down the rows handing them out, she lectured the class on our horrible penmanship, spelling, and grammar.  “This class has a lot of work ahead if this assignment is any indication of your writing skills,” she commented condescendingly.  “I’ve graded these papers somewhat leniently, but I will NOT be so forgiving going forward.  I have high expectations to get you better prepared for high school, and some of these appear as if they were written haphazardly while your noses were buried in your phones.”  I watched as she handed them out.  I could see the scores across the top.  I saw several marked with 5/10 and 6/10.  The highest score I saw was 8/10 from this really smart girl who typically aces everything.  Wow.  If this was going easy, it’s going to be brutal when she grades normally.

She handed the last paper to the girl next to me, but I still had not received mine.  “Mr. Coleman,” she said, tapping my desk, “you may get your paper from me… when you talk to me after class.”  Several kids reacted, assuming I was in trouble.  “Uh oh, Coleman,” I heard from Jamie’s direction. 

I was filled with dismay.  It’s the first week of school; how am I already on her shit list?  I just knew she was angry with the comment I added at the end, taking issue with her embarrassing me.  Fuck!  Why was I so stupid?  Why would I tempt fate with the strictest teacher in the school?

“Now then Mr. Coleman,” she began as everyone filed out.  I swear a slight smile broke through her normal stoic expression.  I hate when she addresses me as “Mister.”  You know you are in big trouble when a teacher does that. 

As soon as everyone left, her demeanor changed.  “YOU,” she said, grinning and shaking a bony finger towards me, “you can ignore my previous lecture to the class.  Your paper was excellent,” she said, sliding my essay across the deck.  The score across the top was written in red pen: 10/10.  I was shocked.  I was prepared to get a 5 or 6.

“You have a strong voice and good mechanics,” she went on, complimenting me.  “You write descriptively and in a way that is interesting to the reader.  Have you ever considered writing as something you want to focus on?  I think you could write very interesting stories people would enjoy reading.”

“Um.. Thanks,” I replied, surprised and confused.  Why did she keep me after just to say ‘good job’?  It seemed like something she could say in front of the class.  But I was glad she didn’t.  If everyone else had shitty marks, it would be mortifying to have her lavish praise on me.  Everyone would call me a suck up.  “I like to write,” I lied, “but I never thought about writing stories for fun.”

“I could help you refine your skills, if you think you it’s something you’d be interested in working on,” she offered.  “There are writing competitions for kids your age that reward cash prizes and scholarships.  I’d be glad to take you under my wing if should you elect to pursue this opportunity and submit a piece.  I’ll gather more information for you.”

“Um… thanks.  I’ll think about it,” I answered as I started to edge out of my seat.  “I better get to Art,” I mumbled.

“Sit down Max.  I’m not finished.  I will write you a pass for Mr. Hunt,” she said. 

“Yes, ma’am,” I replied.  I was nervous.  I kept looking over my shoulder, waiting for her next class to arrive.

“Nobody’s coming to save you.  This is my planning period.  Now, about your post-script asking me to refrain from embarrassing you in the future…”

“Yes, ma’am.  I’m sorry.  I don’t know what I was thinking, but um… I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful.”

“Nonsense.  I’m not used to students being quite so bold.  Especially one day into the school year.  Normally, students are more frightened of me, especially to begin the year.  I have the reputation for the being the meanest teacher at Olympia,” she said, smirking.

I hung my head.  “I don’t think you’re mean,” I lied, trying desperately to salvage the situation.

She laughed.  “Being assertive makes my life easier.  I need to show each new class who is boss and then the year sails right along.  For this class, you just happen to be who provided the opportunity to be made an example of.  I’m sorry if I embarrassed you in front of your friends.”

Wait.  Did she just apologize, to ME?  Maybe she wasn’t as evil as I assumed.  “Um… uh… it’s ok.  They only asked me about having ants in my pants for a day or so.”

“Good.  I trust we won’t have that issue again.”

“No ma’am,” I replied.  “But for whatever it’s worth, I had a legitimate reason for not sitting still.”  Did I really just say that?  I mentally hoped she didn’t ask me to explain the reason.

“Forget about it.  It’s not important,” she replied.  I was relieved.  “For the record,” she continued, “I didn’t know a thing about the situation with your father.  I avoid the teacher’s lounge gossip.  I asked Mr. Johnson, who informed me of the situation.  I also examined your grades from last year.  They were excellent.  It’s a sign of great character to succeed under adverse conditions.  Your teachers from last year spoke very highly of you.  They all said you were a good person – that you were kind, considerate, and a leader.”

Now she was complimenting me?  I wasn’t sure how to react.  “School kind of gave me something to concentrate on.  It was a distraction.”

“Well, I’m sure you made your mother proud, as well as this kind man who has been acting as your mentor.  You’re lucky to have someone like that.  Many boys don’t have positive male role models.”

“Craig is awesome,” I instantly replied, thinking of last night.  “He even told me I should give you a chance, that you might not be as mean as everyone assumed.”

“So, you do think I’m mean?” she responded sharply, with her characteristic edge.  I had already forgotten my lie from two minutes before.

“Well, I did.  But I don’t think so now,” I replied sheepishly, hoping she didn’t destroy me.

She laughed.  “Sounds like a smart man to me.  But if you don’t mind, let’s keep it a secret that I’m not always scary.  I can’t have you ruining my reputation,” she replied, adding a wink.  “Scoot along now, Max,” she added, pushing a late pass towards me.

***

As soon I got on the bus, I checked my phone.  During Art it had been going off like crazy in my pocket.  I didn’t dare check it.  Mr. Hunt is very strict about confiscating phones.  I’d just dodged a bullet with Mrs. Hickman.  Taking a chance with Mr. Hunt just didn’t seem wise.  Also, I was trying to finish my project in a shortened time, since I arrived late.

A barrage of incoming texts from Noah, Jamie, and some other friends were waiting for me.  Somehow, news of Mrs. Hickman keeping me after class spread.  I opened Noah’s first.  He was freaking out.  He was afraid I’d gotten into trouble and wouldn’t be able to attend S.N.O.

Me:  Nah, dude, relax.  She just wanted to talk to me about my paper.  I’m not in trouble

Noah:  Whew.  Thank god.  Now teach me to dance

Noah is always direct, but this seemed so random.

Me:  what? 

Noah:  Dude, Ashley’s friend Mariah cornered me in social studies

Noah:  She thought she was doing me a favor by telling me the dances that Ashley is into

Me:  Great.  If she’s talking about you with her friends, it’s obvious she is into you…

Me:  Just like I told you she was

Noah:  Yeah, but I can’t dance for shit.  And I never heard of any of these dances.  FaceTime me when you get home.  I need help

***

I dropped my backpack inside the door and opened a Gatorade before calling Noah.

“So, do you know the chucky cheese, drop dance, or… the TBS?” he asked immediately, clearly unsure of the names. 

“I think you mean HBS?  You know, hood, baby, shit,” I sang, imitating Lil Keed.

“Whatever, just teach me.  I’ll ask Jackson to come get you.”

Spending the rest of the afternoon showing Noah Tik-Tok videos and trying to help him find rhythm wasn’t what I planned, but it was very entertaining.  If Spencer is the horniest kid in Minnesota, Noah might be the whitest.  By the time we finished, Noah almost looked respectable.  At least he won’t seem completely clueless.  I realized if I go, and dance, I might have to look bad so I don’t show him up in front of Ashley.  That’s what a good friend would do. 

I wasn’t as against going to S.N.O. as I had been, but still wasn’t looking forward to it.  Last night with Craig ending on a good note helped to take my mind off Chad.  Then, Mrs. Hickman being friendly improved my mood even more.  Plus, my back end felt almost normal again.

And now I was going to get to enjoy the spectacle of watching Noah trying to dance in public, which shows how desperate he is to impress Ashley.  I wondered if he would truly have the balls to put himself out there. 

***

Friday at school before S.N.O. turned out to be interesting.  

I was in Mr. Beckham’s geometry class when his phone rang.  “Quiet please.  It’s the office,” he said before answering.  He wasn’t on the phone long.  “Okay… okay… great… that’s fine… We’ll make room,” he said as he scribbled something down on a piece of paper.

“Class,” he said upon hanging up, “we are getting a new student.  Sebastian Marks will be joining us momentarily.  This will be his first class at Olympia and I expect you all to give him a warm Spartan welcome.”  Mr. Beckham could be such a dork.  ‘Warm Spartan welcome,’ I said to myself and rolled my eyes.  For some reason, I recalled what Cam and Craig told me about the ancient Spartans.  Maybe a warm Spartan welcome would include anal sex.  I stifled a laugh.  Cum is definitely warm when it comes out!

I couldn’t figure out why a new kid was starting in the middle of the day.  It seemed odd.  Maybe he enrolled this morning and just couldn’t wait for his warm Spartan welcome?!  I muffled another laugh. 

Having a new student start midday was strange, but not as peculiar as his name.  Sebastian isn’t exactly common, and I thought it unusual that this was the second one I’ve heard of in recent weeks.  It never dawned on me the boy joining my class could be the same Sebastian that Cam was sticking up for. 

A light tap on the door announced his arrival.  He was escorted by Mrs. Jenkins, one of the office secretaries.

“Class, this must be Sebastian,” the teacher announced as a smallish boy walked in.  Dark hair swept across his head and extended beyond his ears.  His round glasses made him look like Harry Potter.  He looked intimidated and nervous.  “Come in Sebastian,” Mr. Beckham said, motioning him to the empty desk beside me in the back row.

“Before you sit down, please introduce yourself.  Did you just move to the area?”

“No,” Sebastian responded, his voice small and squeaky.  He seemed very young to me, not unlike Joshua.  “Hi,” he said, waving his hand bashfully.  “Um… my name is Sebastian, but I go by Seb,” he continued in a quiet voice.  I’m not certain the whole room could even hear him.  “I’m transferring from private school, so I’m not new to Minneapolis.  I’ve lived here all my life.”

“Thank you, Seb,” Mr. Beckham said as the boy nervously sat.  “Seb left out that he is in seventh grade.  For him to be ready for geometry indicates he must be an excellent math student.  I’m sure we will enjoy having him in our class.”

“Yay!  Another brainiac,” Jamie said sarcastically under his breath, a little too loudly.  Geometry was the most advanced math class for eighth graders, so we were all above average math students, but Jamie struggles to keep up more than most.  I helped him with algebra a lot last year.

“Enough,” Mr. Beckham said, quieting the room.  “Let’s get back to our lesson.”

***

As Beckham talked triangles, I sized up Seb.  He was focused on the lesson and I don’t think he noticed my stares, nor the frequent glances Jamie was making over his shoulder toward him.  Either this was the biggest of coincidences or Seb transferred to Olympia from Widmer Academy.  Assuming it was him, I knew exactly WHY he transferred.  He was getting bullied and needed a change.

He fit the description of everything I heard, via Noah, from Cam.  Nerdy kid – looks like he’s into computers.  He looked smart as hell (though cute in a bookish kind of way), but painfully shy.  I could totally see him being gay.  It also wouldn’t be hard to imagine him getting picked on in general, and even more so if he is being blamed for a popular teaching being dismissed.  I felt sorry for him. 

I also couldn’t help but remember how Cam went out of his way to stick up for him.  Seeing this pitiful kid in person, I could feel my anger towards Cam diminishing further.  He may be a gigantic fucking prick to me, but at least he’s kind to others.

***

Our geometry class has an odd schedule.  We have 40 minutes of class, then lunch, and return for the last 15 minutes.  It works well for a math class.  The teacher can do a lesson and then we use the last part of class to begin our homework. 

It was almost time to break for lunch.  Mr. Beckham opened his desk drawer and pulled something out.  He walked up to me.  “Max, could you please take Seb to the cafeteria and show him how everything works?  Here’s a cookie coupon for each of you.”  Our teachers have these coupons good for a free cookie that they give out to kids who do something special.

“You mean now?” I asked.  I knew we had another couple of minutes before the bell rang.

“Yes.  Go now before it gets crazy.  And make sure he has company for lunch.  He’ll be the only seventh grader there.”

“Sure, sir,” I replied, nodding.  Did he think I would ditch the kid or something?  It dawned on me that he probably chose me because he knew I wouldn’t abandon him.  “C’mon Seb,” I said to my new classmate, nodding towards the door.

***

“So, I’m Max,” I said, extending my hand, once we were in the hall.

“I figured,” he replied, laughing as he limply shook my hand.  “But nice to meet you.  Thanks for taking me to lunch.  You don’t have to eat with me if you don’t want.”

“That’s not how this works.  You should sit with me and my friends,” I answered, making it seem more like an expectation instead of an invitation.  “So, where did you go to school before?” I asked, certain I already knew the answer.

“Widmer Academy,” he answered hesitantly, almost as if he was embarrassed by it.  It was a prestigious school.  I’m sure they imagine most public school kids think they are conceited. 

“Nice.  Public school will be a lot different than Widmer.”  I couldn’t decide if I should tell him that I knew someone from his old school or not.  I was afraid it would embarrass him if he found out an hour into his new school that someone knew all about his business.

“I hope it is,” he replied.  “So, what are you into?”

“The usual, I guess.  Video games, hanging out.  I do gymnastics.  That’s my sport.”

“Really?  There was a kid at my old school who did gymnastics,” he replied, looking me up and down.  “It’s funny, he even kind of looks like you.  I think he is really good at it too, like freakishly good.  He was in my algebra class last year.  He was really cool.  He stuck up for me when…” he said, not finishing his sentence.  I knew he was talking about Cam, but I didn’t think it was the time to mention that Cam and I were friends… or whatever we are now.

 Eventually, I will tell him more, and maybe even that I know what was going on at Widmer.  Perhaps I can promise to have his back at Olympia like Cam did at Widmer.  But not today.  The kid has enough to deal with without that being sprung on him right after walking into his first class.

***

Jamie sat down across from us, noisily dropping his tray.  “So, you’re like a genius or something?” he asked immediately, in his typical abrupt fashion.

Seb shrugged.  “I’m smart at some things.  Math for sure,” he answered shyly.

“Knock it off, Jamie,” I interjected.  “He’s just hoping you’ll help him figure out his homework,” I added as an aside to Seb.

Noah soon joined us, sitting next to me.  I introduce him to Seb and mentioned that he transferred from Widmer. 

His eyes got big.  “Hey!” he said, realizing that Seb was likely Cam’s former classmate.  “I think I…” he continued, until I kneed him under the table to shut up.  He looked at me and I gave him a wide-eyed look.  He smiled and nodded.

The rest of lunch was spent discussing the usual things.  Teachers, video games, Ashley Richardson - who was sitting two tables over and kept looking our way.  I’m not sure Noah noticed.  I didn’t point it out because I didn’t want to make him nervous.

“I can’t believe how many kids are eating lunch right now,” Seb commented, gazing around the large room.  Is this really just the eighth grade?  This would be like three grades at… my old school.” commented.

“It’s not even all of our grade,” Noah replied.  I never realized how small Cam’s school was.  I assumed it was like ours, just fancier with more rich kids.

“Hopefully your food was better than what we get,” Jamie commented, mixing his taco salad around with his fork.

“Meh it’s about the same, but the cookie isn’t bad,” Seb replied.  “And I like not having to wear a uniform.  Ties suck!”

“You had to wear a tie?  Oh, eff that,” Jamie replied.  “Hey, you should come to S.N.O. tonight,” he added.  I wasn’t sure if Jamie was just trying to get in good with Seb for future homework help, or if he had ulterior motives.  I recalled his odd comment about me having a dick in my butt.  Could he have a solid blip showing up on his gaydar with Seb?  He seemed to be making a huge fuss over the new kid.  I had a serious hunch he was into him.

The more I thought about Jamie, the easier it was to imagine him on his knees, sucking someone’s cock.  He’s not effeminate, but he’s not one of those guys who acts all macho either.  For the first time I realized how decent looking he had become.  He had always been a little on the heavy side, but in the past few months he’s added a few inches and begun to thin out.  Jamie swims and I always found it odd that such a big kid could do well at that sport.  Maybe his body is finally cooperating, just in time for high school tryouts. 

Now that I think he might be gay, or bi, I gave him a closer look.  He has thick brown hair, much like Noah’s, that is long on top and shorter on the sides, framing a broad face with a clear complexion.  His lips are soft and pink.  They’d be perfect for sucking dick if it weren’t for the fact they led to a mouth fool of braces.  I glanced under the table.  His calves were covered with new growth of hair, just like mine, only his were darker.  I’d never thought about, or seen, his cock, but I suddenly had keen interest in finding out what he was packing.  Maybe I needed to invite him to a sleepover soon.

“To what?” Seb asked.

“Spartan Night Out,” Noah explained.  “It’s a thing we do here like once a month.  Just a chance to hang out, dance, play games.”

“And flirt with Ashley,” I added.  Noah kneed me back.  “Ow!”

“Ashley?” Jamie commented.  “Ooooooh, Noah has a crush?”

Noah growled at him and pushed his elbow into me. 

“Yeah Jamie, just like you,” I replied, glancing at him and then towards Seb.  Jamie immediately shut up.  Aha!  My hunch was right.  That conjured up a fun thought for a large sleepover.  It could be better than the hot tub at Cam’s with Spencer and Ian.

“Be right back,” Noah announced.  “I’m glad you mentioned S.N.O.  I still need to buy our tickets.”

Seb replied to Jamie’s invitation.  “I don’t know.  I was planning to finish putting a computer together.  I am building one from old parts to use as a server.”

“Holy shit, that’s amazing,” Jamie commented, either genuinely impressed or doing a fantastic job of pretending.  “You can do that?” 

“Sure.  It’s not that hard, really,” Seb answered.

“My dad gave me his old computer but I can’t get it to run anything.  Maybe you can help me fix it,” Jamie suggested.

“Sure.  I can take a look,” Seb answered, a legit smile appearing on his face for the first time since he walked into class.  I think he was finally starting to relax.

***

Noah returned a few moments later, handing me a ticket.  He insisted on paying for mine.  I told him he didn’t need to, but he was adamant.  They are only a dollar, so I wasn’t going make a big issue of it.

I suddenly had an idea to get out of going to S.N.O.  “Maybe I should give my ticket to Seb,” I suggested.  That would look like a nice gesture, make Jamie happy, AND be a good excuse to stay home.

“I’m two steps ahead of you,” Noah replied, pushing another ticket across the table to Seb. 

“You bought one, for me?” Seb asked, surprised.  “Thanks.  I can’t believe how nice you guys are.  This isn’t at all what I expected.”

“There are plenty of jerks at this school,” Noah explained.  “We just don’t let them eat lunch at our table.” Noah really is a good guy; I just hope Ashley recognizes that.

“See, now you HAVE to go,” Jamie added.  “Otherwise, you will have wasted Noah’s dollar.”

“I don’t know,” Seb answered hesitantly.  “Maybe I’ll go to the next one, once I know more people.”

“Whatever is cool,” Noah replied.  “I just wanted you to have the option if you decided to come.  You can hang with us if you’re nervous.  It starts at 7.”

***

Seb and I walked backed from lunch, stopping to use the restroom.  Having just pondered the fun that could be had during a sleepover with him and Jamie (and maybe even Noah and Spencer), I hoped he would choose a urinal near me.  If I’m going to include him in some fantasies, I’d like to be able to imagine his goods accurately.  I wondered if he was cut or not.  He kind of seemed like the type who might have foreskin.  Sadly, he used a stall to do his business.

“Thanks for letting me sit with you guys.  Your friends are really cool,” he said as we walked towards Mr. Beckham’s room.

“And I’m not?” I replied, teasing him.

“I meant you too,” he replied bumping his shoulder into me, already showing a sign of affection.  “Most of the older kids at my school were assholes.  It’s weird having to eat with eighth graders,” he said as we continued.

“You’re welcome to eat with us as much as you like.  Shit, if you fix Jamie’s computer, he might even buy your lunch.”  Given my recent assessment of Jamie, I thought he might also pay him back with a sloppy blow job.

“Thanks Max.  I was sure I would hate public school, but it’s good so far.”  I took that as a compliment.  Someday I would explain to him that we have more in common than he realizes.

***

Just before geometry ended, one of the counselors showed up with a seventh-grade boy.  They took Seb with them to make sure he got to his next class without getting lost.  Our school can seem like a maze.  My guess is the boy probably has a similar schedule.  “Bye Max,” he said before leaving, flashing a smile.  “Thanks for being cool to a sevie.”

Is it corny that I felt such pride about doing something nice?  It gave me goosebumps.  I remembered what Mrs. Hickman said she heard from my former teachers – that I was ‘considerate and a good kid.’  I’ve never really thought about it before, because it just seems like the right thing to do.  Small acts of kindness really do make a difference to people who need them.  Craig mentioned that to me before, and once again… he was right.

***

Mom drove us to Noah’s as soon as she got home.  She was going out to dinner with Noah’s parents, Craig, and Kim while we went to S.N.O.  Apparently, she wasn’t ready to bring James along for a group date, or maybe she hadn’t heard from him.  I didn’t ask.  After S.N.O., I was spending the night, without any drama, hopefully.  Noah and I retreated to the basement for some last-minute dance practice while Lisa made cocktails for her and mom.  I could tell Noah was nervously excited. 

Before we hopelessly tried to perfect Noah’s dance skills, we talked about what happened at lunch. 

“Okay, so that Seb kid HAS to be the one from Widmer that was molested by the teacher, right?  The one Cam was sticking up for?” Noah suggested.

“Yeah.  I’m positive it’s him.  He mentioned having a friend stick up for him who did gymnastics.  How many Sebastians can there be?”

“Holy shit.  That’s nuts.  Did you tell him you and Cam are friends?” he replied, trailing off awkwardly.  “Sorry.  We’re friends.”

“Hell no!  And have him realize the first person he meets already knows his history?  He’d freak.”

“True.  I hadn’t thought of that.  Good thinking.  He’s different, but seems nice.”

“I think he’s okay.  He reminds me a lot of Spencer, when he was more reserved.  We have to keep him in our lunch group.  He needs someone to look out for him.”

“Right.  We are the ‘nice kids’ after all.  So many eighth graders think they are hot shit and treat kids a year younger like crap, as if they didn’t hate that a few months before.  It sucks he can’t eat with his own grade.”

“He must have to be in our lunch because there is only one geometry class.  I think he’ll be okay to have around.  Jamie will like it anyway.”

“No shit, dude!  What was with him?  I didn’t think he was that into computers.”

“I’m thinking he might be more into the new kid than computers, or at least try to be in him.”

“Huh?” Noah asked, confused.

I shook my head, laughing.  Noah clearly has no gaydar.  “I never noticed it before this week, but I’m getting a strong gay vibe from Jamie all of a sudden.”

“What?  I figured it was likely with Seb, with what happened, and what Cam said.  But I never thought Jamie might be into boys.  But you know, he’s never really talked about girls much.  Though I never really thought you were either, or Cam, until I walked in on you guys.”

“See?  Lucky you.  Another friend who might suck your dick if you get desperate.”

“Shut the fuck up,” he replied in jest.  “After I hook Ashley, I won’t be needing your services.”

“Bitches be ruining all my fun,” I sang, parroting lyrics from one of the songs we danced to yesterday.  He laughed.  “Well, if you do strike out, Jamie might owe you if Seb shows up tonight and they hit it off.”  Even if he doesn’t fail, he might need to invite Jamie over sometime.  I don’t think many girls our age will do that.

“Oh shit!” Noah replied, suddenly looking alarmed.  “Do you really think Seb will come?”

I wasn’t sure why he was so worried about it.  Was he afraid a new, younger kid hanging around would kill his vibe?  “Honestly, I doubt it.  It seemed like he had other things he would rather do,” I replied, wishing I had as good of an excuse to get out of showing up.

***

Mom and Lisa were pouring their second margarita by the time Noah and I came back upstairs.  Noah quickly changed into a nicer shirt and Adam drove us to school.  Even If my night sucks, at least mom was having fun.  I’m happy she’s going out and having fun with someone other than her work friends.

S.N.O. was packed.  There were way more kids than usual, I guess because it was the first and everyone was allowed to attend.  Noah and I grabbed some snacks and talked with Austin, Jamie, and a few other friends while we kept a constant lookout for Noah’s crush to arrive.  Aidan, Noah’s friend who asked me about having a girlfriend back on New Year’s Eve (when I blurted out that I’d rather have a boyfriend, which Craig heard), was there too.  He and Noah don’t really talk much anymore.  Noah told me over the summer that he had fallen into the wrong crowd and was smoking weed and doing other stupid shit.  He ignored Noah, but gave me a quick “Wassup?” as he walked by. 

Spencer came up to say hi, which reminded me that I had been meaning to ask him if he knew any kids named Brett.  I pulled him aside for a quick chat.  “What’s new?” he asked, concerned.

“Not much.  How was your first week?”

“Solid.  Everyone’s pretty cool and none of my teachers suck, at least so far.  Your’s good?”

“Same.  I had a few unexpected things happen, but they were all good,” I answered before changing the topic.  “Hey, I’m just curious.  Do you know any boys in your grade named Brett?  Maybe from elementary school?”

He thought for a moment.  “I know a girl named Britt.  It’s short for Brittany, I think.  But I don’t think I know a Brett,” he explained.  “Why?”

“Um, it’s a long story.  Don’t worry about it.  Come meet my friends,” I replied.

“My dudes,” I said, rejoining my friends with Spencer beside me.  “This is Spencer,” I said, putting a hand on his shoulder.  “He just started at Olympia and he is the coolest sixth grader I know,” I told them.  “He’s on my gymnastics team.  He’s a total beast on the bars.”  Spencer glanced up to me, beaming.  Ever since coaxing Spence into the hot tub at Cam’s, I’ve thought of him as my little brother.  Now of course, he’s more like my pervy little bro.  It was my duty to make him seem cool at a new school.

“Hey Spence,” Noah greeted him.  He met Spencer at my birthday party. 

I quickly introduced him to Jamie and Austin and some of the other guys.  My dirty mind immediately thought of Spencer teaching Jamie about kinky shit. 

***

Ashley and her friends rolled in 15 minutes later.  Noah immediately made all of us go with him to mingle.  We hung out for a while.  Austin made feeble attempts at flirting with Mariah, which I found amusing.  She seemed more interested in talking to me.  I think she might have been flirting.  If she had a dick, I might have been able to read her better.  We were mostly talking in a large group, but Noah was able to maintain a side conversation with Ashley.  He was managing so far.

The music started and all the girls wanted to dance.  We followed them into the middle of the gym and did this group thing where everyone was dancing, though in Austin’s case you could argue it was more shifting back and forth awkwardly.  Nobody paired off with a partner.  But then again, the Cha-Cha Slide and Cupid Shuffle aren’t really dances you do with anyone.  Noah was holding his own.  He looked a lot more natural than Austin.  I wasn’t dancing up to my abilities, but that was fine.  I didn’t want to be the center of attention anyway.  It isn’t like I ever wanted to be here in the first place.

I was soon not given a choice.  I’m not sure how it got started, but one of Ashley’s friends – a red head named Jenny - started urging me to do a handstand.  I can walk around on my hands forever.  I’m not sure who (other than Noah) had seen me do that before, but apparently someone told Jenny.  “Go ahead Max,” Noah encouraged, before saying more quietly to Ashley, “Watch, this is awesome.”  Apparently, wingman duties included doing circus acts to amuse the crush.

I flipped up onto my hands and managed to shift back and forth from hand to hand and kick my legs around to the beat of Old Town Road.  I couldn’t see much, as my shirt fell down over my face, but I definitely heard a couple of comments about my six pack from some of the girls.  Thought it’s quite possible one of the comments was from Jamie.  Though he’s tall, his voice is still high like mine.  “Daaaaamnnnnnnnnnn” seemed more like a comment a guy would make.

As the song ended, I flipped onto my feet and took a slight bow as a few kids clapped.  I never really enjoy being watched like that, but impressing Ashley was evidently part of my responsibilities.  “He’s so hot.  I can’t believe Ashley passed up that for Noah,” Mariah said to Jenny, louder than she realized.  Thankfully, Noah and Ashley were on the opposite side of me, too far to hear.  I gave Mariah a look.  She glanced away, embarrassed.

The DJ transitioned to a slower song and most of us made our way to get a drink.  Noah took one step to follow and was pulled back by Ashley, who put her hands on his shoulders and led him into a slow dance, both of them swaying.  As they turned, Noah shot me the slyest of smiles.

I took a drink to the bleachers and sat, alone.  I needed to get away from people.  I’d done my duty.  Noah was on his way to having a girlfriend.  I only had to have everyone gawk at me for a few minutes during my handstand routine, so it wasn’t so bad. Now, I was content to kill the next hour or so by myself until we got picked up by Jackson.  I watched Noah and Ashley dance, slowly inching closer until I could see they were whispering to each other.  One of the teachers was soon tapping them on the shoulder, informing them they were getting too close.

Watching my best friend dance with his crush led me to recall what it was like to have someone.  I suddenly felt lonely, longing for what I once had with Cam.  I thought of Spencer.  He’d probably let me fuck him in the bathroom stall, but that’s not the part I was missing.  It was the intimacy I wanted.

I thought about how six days ago, before I foolishly met a grown man who practically raped me, I was so angry with Cam I never wanted to speak with him again.  Now?  I wished I could hold him and dance close like Ashley and Noah.  It depressed me to think about.  I just wanted to go home.

I kept to myself for another fifteen minutes, checking out things on my phone, killing time.  Whenever I looked up, Noah and Ashley seemed to be happier than the time before.  They were really getting along well.  I was becoming increasingly jealous, and down.  When we get back to Noah’s, I imagine he will be texting with her all night, ignoring me.  I remembered how Cam and I texted into the night after our first ‘date’ at the movie.  I am sure it would be the same with them.

Another slow song came on and Noah had his arms around Ashley.  I imagine he could feel her boobs pressed against him they were so close.  I briefly wondered if he was getting hard.  With his thick dick, I bet Ashley would feel it.  Would she be alarmed or take it as a compliment?  Maybe Noah would be so horned up that he will be begging me for a BJ later in his basement?  It made me regret my hookup with Chad even more.  If Ashley really wound Noah up, maybe he would give in and fuck me.  But that wasn’t going to happen with my bruised ass.  It would freak him out if he noticed and would be very hard to explain, and I wasn’t sure my hole could handle it.

I went back to my phone.  It was too depressing to watch and think about.

I didn’t notice Mariah walk up to me until her glitzy sandals stopped just in front of my feet.  I glanced up at her.  “Here,” she said.  “This is for you.”  She handed me a light blue envelope and walked off.  It wasn’t a normal envelope – it was like what you get with a greeting card.  It even felt like a card, but what the hell?  It’s not even close to my birthday.  My name was written in thick marker on the outside.  The writing seemed familiar.

I tore open the envelope and pulled out the paper inside.  It wasn’t a card, at least not the store-bought kind.  It was piece of heavy paper folded into one - homemade.  I couldn’t believe what I saw on the cover.  It was a picture.  A picture of the ceramic Cozumel sign I had purchased for Cam, before it was broken.  I scanned down.  Below the picture were the words: “I put this back together…”

I frantically opened to read the inside:

So now it’s time to put US back together. 
I miss you. 
I need you.
 
Love, Cam

I gasped.  I stared at the paper, confused.  This couldn’t be happening.  I stood up, frantically looking through the small crowd of dancers for Cam.  Was this someone’s cruel joke?  Could Cam really be here?  Sweat formed across my forehead.  I wiped my brow and continued to scan the gym.  I didn’t see him.  Maybe he was waiting for me outside in the hall?

He must have been waiting around the side of the bleachers for me to open the card.  I didn’t see him until he tapped me on the shoulder.  “Cam!” I exclaimed.

I guess he expected me to still be angry, because he launched into an immediate apology.  “Don’t say a thing.  Just listen,” he demanded, holding up his hands.  “I was dumb and foolish and I’m sorry.  I was too stubborn to let you apologize and take you back,” he continued, speaking rapidly.  He was nervous and was becoming emotional.  His face was turning red.  His eyes seemed on the verge of tears.  “I was wrong.  It just took last weekend’s disaster to make me understand.  Please, can we start over?”

I answered with an embrace I will never forget.  The feeling of his arms around me, again, for the first time in weeks.  “Yes, yes, yes,” I whispered and kissed him on the side of his cheek.  We were far enough away from the action I didn’t think anyone would notice.

He squeezed me tight.  “I’m sorry I was such a jerk.  I was scared to come out, so I thought the best way to stay in the closet was to drive you away.  I thought it would be easier for everyone that way.  But I was wrong.”

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about exactly, but I didn’t care.  “I’ll tell you all about that later, when we’re alone,” he added.

“Sure,” I said.  “You know, this week started so bad,” I told him.  “But it has been getting better, but nothing can top this.” I had to wipe my eyes.

We stood silently, staring at each other, grinning.  Nothing else mattered and neither of us needed to utter a word.  We were in communion, as the mutual hurt and angst washed away.  Suddenly, I could feel the veil of unhappiness that has been plaguing me lift.  Everything felt right, for the first time in weeks.  Forgiveness is powerful.

I’ve cried more lately than I ever thought possible.  The now familiar feeling was building, and a solitary tear escaped.  Cam said nothing as he gently brushed my cheek.  Gazing into his eyes is one of the most intense and beautiful moments I’ll ever experience.

Thankfully, we were in a relatively secluded area.  Anyone observing would have noticed us eye fucking the shit out of each other.  Just wait until later, when we’re in private and ravage one another!  We’ve never had make-up sex, but it’s always electric with Cam.

***

Cam pulled me towards the dance floor.  I folded the card and put it in my pocket.  It was something I wanted to keep forever.  “Will you dance with me?” he asked in a whisper, as the melody of the slow song continued.  “It’s okay if you don’t want to be so obvious in front of everyone.”

“Fuck anyone who cares,” I told him.  I had Cam back, somehow, and nothing else mattered.  You could have tattooed ‘FAG’ across my forehead for all I cared.  We danced close until the song ended.  We made our way close to Noah and Ashley.  Noah looked over her shoulder and smiled at me, flashing a quick thumbs up.  As he spun Ashley around, I noticed he was whispering to her.  She smiled even bigger. 

It dawned on me.  Noah must have been in on this!  Maybe he never really needed me here to help with Ashley.  Was it all just a setup?  If so, he’s the best god damned friend in the world.  Well, I already knew that, but this was next level!  Could Ashley and her friends even be in on it as well?  Mariah did bring me the note, but she couldn’t have known.  She was talking about going after me earlier.  She wouldn’t have done that if she knew I liked boys. 

When the song ended, Ashley and Noah approached us.  “Hi Cam, I’m Ashley,” she quickly introduced herself and gave Cam a half hug.  Noah and Cam exchanged fist bumps, confirming my suspicion this was planned.  I was schemed in the best possible way.

“What do we do now?” I asked. 

“What do you mean?” Ashley replied just as the next song began and she shook her hips.  “We dance!” 

With the picked up beat, we were soon surrounded by Ashley’s friends, and Austin – who was still trying desperately to get Mariah’s attention.  Once again, we danced in a large group, being silly.  Spencer came up to Cam.  I heard him ask “What the hell are you doing here?  You don’t go to Olympia.”  I hadn’t thought of that before, but Cam isn’t allowed here.  S.N.O.s are for Olympia students only.  I wondered how he got in, but wasn’t going to stress about it.  Cam whispered something to Spencer, who nodded and joined in the dancing.  He was being a little show off, throwing in an occasional backflip.

When the song ended, we went to get a drink.  My throat was dry from having choked up earlier.  “How did you get here, anyway,” I asked.

“I walked,” he answered, grinning.  I knew he was lying.  “Just kidding, Craig dropped me off.”  I was shocked.  Not only was Cam no longer angry with me, he also was back on good terms with Craig?  That must mean Craig was in on this too.  No wonder he was encouraging me to come tonight!  I remember thinking it was strange how hard he was pushing me to go.  It made sense now, as did both of them mentioning Cam would be apologizing.

Still, Noah and Cam would have a lot of gaps to fill in later.  Speaking of later, it suddenly dawned on me that if they schemed all this, maybe they also arranged for Cam to come to Noah’s after S.N.O.  “Wait, are you coming back to Noah’s after this?” I asked.

“Duh!” he answered.  “We need to redo last weekend, but do it right this time,” he said smiling.  “I’m hella-grounded, but my dad granted me a 24-hour reprieve.  So, we better make the most it,” he added, subtly gripping his bulge.

I almost jumped up and down I was so excited.  Noah could spend his whole night talking to Ashley now for all I cared.  I would have plenty to keep me occupied.  My euphoria was briefly shattered when I realized Cam might want to fuck me.  I’ll have to tell him I can’t - and why.  Would he forgive me again?  I took a deep breath.  I would have to tell him.  No more secrets.  But it can wait until we are at Noah’s.

***

When we returned to the dance floor, I felt no need to hold back.  I was ecstatic and let it show.  Ashley and Noah seemed well past square one, so I didn’t need to worry about showing up my best friend.  I let the beat flow through me.  Cam did the same.  Being gymnasts, dancing is a logical extension of a floor routine.  We didn’t mean to draw attention to ourselves, but as the song wore on, I became aware a crowd had encircled us and one by one, other dancers quit to watch Cam and I bust our moves. 

When the song ended, a bunch of kids clapped for us.  Except for one.  “What a couple of faggots,” I heard from behind me.  I spun.  It was Brady Jacobs, the kid who tried to bully me in fourth grade until I dropped him on his ass at recess.  Brady was big for a 10-year-old back then, but he was huge now.  He was one of those kids who was already shaving regularly.  He was over 6 feet tall and thick.  He would be a fixture on the line for the high school football team.  Obviously, he was still just as big of an asshole as he was when we were ten.  And next to him was Noah’s old friend, Aidan.  I guess he really had fallen in with losers.

“Just ignore him,” Cam pleaded in a whisper.

I could hardly believe what happened next.  “Take that back,” I heard a slight voice yell.  Spencer, all 4’ 8” and 75 pounds of him, had marched right up to Brady and was glaring up at him.  The difference between their statures was startling.

Brady started laughing.  “Who the hell is this little fuck?  Get out of here before I beat your ass!”

I reached over and grabbed Spencer by the shoulder.  “Forget about it,” I told him.  “He’s not worth your time.”

“I’d smash that shit head,” he scowled as Noah helped pull him away.  I had to admire Spencer’s courage, if not his brains.  It was hard to believe he was the same kid who was afraid to get naked in Cam’s hot tub a few months ago.  Becoming comfortable with his sexuality seems to have boosted his confidence.  He must think he’s invincible.  I will need to have a talk with him about not doing stupid shit to get beaten up.  He needs to understand he isn’t at the top of the food chain like he was in elementary school.

Noah looked up at Aidan.  “You’re better than this,” he said sternly.  “Leave my friends alone,” he warned before turning away.  As we returned to our group, Ashley was beaming at Noah.  Apparently sticking up for your gay friend was an endearing trait to straight girls.  Who knew?

Cam and I soon found ourselves surrounded.  “What was all that about,” Jamie asked.  “And who are you?” he added, looking Cam up and down, checking him out.

“Cameron!” I heard a small voice exclaim.  It was Seb, who clearly decided to come after all.  Unsurprisingly, he and Jamie were attached at the hip.

“Sebastian?” Cam answered, perplexed.  I thought it was interesting they both called each other by their full names.  Is that a ritzy private school thing?

“What are you doing here?” they both asked at the same time, shocked.

I figured I should be the one to explain.  “Seb started school here today.  He’s in my geometry class and ate lunch with my friends,” I explained, speaking mostly to Cam.  “Cam and I do gymnastics together… and… uh…,” I began.  I glanced at Cam.  He nodded.  I cupped my hand to Seb’s ear and whispered, “And he’s my boyfriend, too.” Seb’s eyes got big and his jaw dropped slightly, then a subtle smile broke across his pale face.

By then all our friends had gathered, drawn by the commotion.  “Everyone this is Cam.  Cam, this is Jamie, Austin, Mariah, Jenny, and a bunch of my other friends.”  I could see Jamie staring at Cam, trying to process.  I don’t think they saw us slow dancing, so it hadn’t registered yet that Cam was more than just a friend.  I couldn’t muster the courage to tell them aloud that Cam was my boyfriend.  Whispering it to Seb was one thing, I was certain he would approve.  Telling a whole group at once was more frightening.  They would figure it out soon enough.  I wasn’t going to try to hide.

We resumed dancing as a group, having a great time.  Brady moved along and was of no concern.  After a couple fast songs, another slow one came on.  Cam gazed at me intently.  I knew what his stare meant.  He was asking me if I was really ready to do this - to announce to all my friends that I was gay.  I was.  I nodded.  Cam smirked and took my hand.

I could feel a growing number of eyes watching us, but I didn’t care.  I had Cam back and fuck everything else.  I noticed Seb watching us intently, smiling.  He whispered something to Jamie, who smirked.

We made it halfway through the song before all hell broke loose.  “Holy shit!  They really ARE a couple of faggots.”  Brady, flanked by more of his loser friends, had returned.  They were laughing and pointing at us.

Ashley spun and delivered a snappy comeback before I could even think of something to say.  “Oh yeah?” she said boldly, her hands firmly planted on her hips, leering at Brady.  “At least they have someone.  You’ll all be at home playing with your tiny little dicks later, wishing you were so lucky.”  Oh shit!  Ashley does not fuck around.  Cam and I both laughed.  Noah’s jaw dropped.

She wasn’t quiet about it, either.  You could hear several people collectively gasp, before adding an “ooooh.” 

“You stupid fucking cunt!” Brady yelled and pushed his way past the kid in front of him.  He made his way towards Ashley. 

In a flash, Spencer appeared from behind him and before Brady realized it, Spencer had launched himself onto Brady and wrapped his arms around the his neck, squeezing tightly.  “What the fuck?” Brady exclaimed as he flung Spencer off him.  “I’m going to kill you, you little shit.”  He grabbed Spencer by his t-shirt but Spencer did a quick flip and spin and was somehow to his feet, backing away. 

Brady took one step towards Spencer before Ashley jumped in front of him.  “Leave him alone, you moron,” she demanded. 

Brady reached across, grabbed her shoulder, and flung her to the floor.

When he spun towards a retreating Spencer, a surprise awaited him.  Noah had taken a firm stance right in his path and before Brady saw it, Noah’s right fist landed square on his nose with a crunch.  He went down in a heap, just like he did back in fourth grade when I decked him.  He immediately grabbed his face, blood running across his cheek, mixing with his flowing tears. 

Noah reached down and helped Ashley to her feet.  She immediately wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips to his.  I could tell this was no subtle kiss.  Her tongue was pressing inside his mouth.  Like I said, Ashley doesn’t fuck around.  Brady’s friends had gathered around and were helping him sit up.

Cam tapped me on the shoulder.  He smiled at me and pulled me to him.  Just like Ashley was doing with Noah, his tongue was soon buried in my mouth.  His hands ran up and down my back and ass as we made out furiously.  People were shocked and hooting and hollering but I tuned them out.  I was in heaven, lost in the familiar taste of Cam and feel of his chiseled body pressed against mine.  I didn’t even realize my hand had slipped up the front of Cam’s shirt and was exploring his smooth chest.

Our moment of bliss was short lived.  “PDA!  PDA!  Stop!” I heard an adult frantically yelling.  We reluctantly broke our entwinement and stepped apart.

“What is going on here?” It was Principal Johnson demanding an explanation. 

“Noah broke my friend’s nose,” Aidan complained, leering at Noah.

“He deserved it,” Mariah chimed in.  “He pushed Ashley hard, called her a stupid fucking cunt and them fags, and tried to beat up a little sixth grader.”

“These four,” Mrs. Kent, my sixth grade science teacher, announced with disgust, “were practically doing it on the dance floor.”

“Take them to the office,” Principal Johnson told her and used his radio to call for assistance.  “I’ll sort out what happened here.  Were there any witnesses?”

“I saw it all, Mr. Johnson,” I heard Jamie respond as we were marched away.  

“Me too,” I heard Seb chime in behind us.  I was glad I had allies ready to tell what really happened.

Cam’s hand slipped into mine as we walked towards our doom.

“Stop that,” Mrs. Kent admonished us.  “How disgusting!”  I had no idea she was a homophobic bitch.  I reluctantly let Cam’s hand slip from mine.

***

So, it came to be that for the second time in my life I was in the principal’s office.  And once again I was there with Brady Jacobs.  Last time I got away without getting in trouble.  I knew I wouldn’t be so lucky this time.  Making out and showing ‘public displays of affection’ could get you in serious trouble.  But I didn’t care.  Cam was sitting next to me and we were back together.  Nothing else mattered.

I looked around the room.  Brady was still holding an ice pack to his nose.  It was beginning to swell.  I wondered if it might really be broken.  He would be in trouble for fighting and maybe bullying.  Aidan and another of his stoner friends were there too.  Other than laughing at Brady’s taunts, I’m not sure they had done much wrong.  I figured they were planning to lie to try and get him out of trouble.

Spencer made an appearance, too.  Apparently, someone had ratted him out for jumping atop Brady.  I guess that’s technically fighting.  Hell of a way to start at a new school.  I couldn’t help to admire his balls (which I knew from personal experience weren’t that large), taking on someone twice his size.  It was just like Spencer, at least the bold Spencer of the past few months.

Ashley was sitting next to Noah.  She would get punished for PDA too and possibly for interjecting herself in a fight, though you could hardly fault any of her actions.

Then I thought about Noah.  Ashley was gently brushing her hand against his, which I could tell he liked.  It was good he was getting some affection from her, because I knew he was in deep shit.  He snuck Cam into a closed event, got into a fight, maybe broke Brady’s nose, and then just for good measure was making out on the dance floor.  His rents were going to shit a brick.  But he did almost all of that, save the making out, for me.  Could I ever have a better best friend?  I couldn’t wait to find out how this whole night came to be.

I wondered what they would do to Cam.  They couldn’t give him school consequences.  How much trouble could he be in for just being here?

As happy as I was, something finally hit me.  Our parents were all going to show up and would soon hear everything that happened.  I suddenly wished I had come out to my mom when it was on the tip of my tongue.  She would still be angry with me for getting into trouble, but at least she wouldn’t be shocked about me being gay. 

What about Cam?  His mom will absolutely lose it.  I can see her now, flying off the handle and yelling at Cam about how “Rice boys just do not do behave like this.”  Cam had to know he was taking a risk, but he did all of it to come to win me back.  It made me love him even more.  Now that he’s mine again, I’m never letting go. 

I’m just hoping our parents don’t do anything to sabotage our relationship.  One thing I know for sure:  Noah and Craig will be there for us no matter what.

*** End of Chapter 29 ***

Author’s Notes:

Tada!  Finally, our boys are back together.  Some bumps await yet with their parents and this trouble at school, but together, hopefully they can weather the storm.

The next chapter to be submitted for this tale will be a ‘bonus chapter’ of sorts.  Might you be curious what happened at Noah’s house after Max bolted from the failed sleepover?  We sketched out that scene because what happens between Noah and Cam, and eventually Cam’s dad is important to the story and we wanted to have the facts straight.  Once, outlined, we realized it would be a fun chapter to read, so have filled in the outline to produce a short, but interesting chapter that gives insight into Cam’s uncharacteristic behavior.  Since neither Max, nor Craig, are there, it had to be written in 3^rd person, which I am sure breaks numerous literary rules… oh well, there goes our Pulitzer 😉

Comments as always encouraged: craigpnifty@protonmail.com