Max’s Awakening #45

By craigpwriter888@tutanota.com and J

Author’s notes:

This chapter picks up where we left off.  Max spent Saturday shopping with Cam and his mother and then, while hanging out at Cam’s house in the evening, they ended up texting with Chad, the man who took advantage of Max weeks before.  Chatting with him has Max unsettled…

Chapter 45

I didn’t sleep well.  Whenever I regained any consciousness, I immediately thought of Chad.  Why the hell did I let Cam talk me into contacting him?  I had pretty much moved on, but now I’m dwelling on him (and what he did) again.  I guess I wasn’t as over it as I thought. 

I bet, had I called Craig before going to sleep, I’d be less unsettled.  When I wasn’t brooding over Chad, I was worrying about how Craig is going to react once he finds out.  He’s going to be so pissed.  All of this, right after he agreed to chaperone (and basically pay for) the trip to Europe — I feel like I betrayed him.  Guilt and anxiety suck.

I finally managed to sleep soundly from 5:00 until almost 9:00.  When I checked my phone, there was another notification from Chad.  I ignored his final message last night.  This time he asked if I was getting shy again, winky emoji and all.

I messaged Cam.  I wish there was a reset button we could press.

Me: Dude, I think we should just forget about what happened last night, with Chad

Cam: What?  Why?  He’s so dead.

Me: I dunno.  I just don’t feel good about it

Cam: I know it was hard, but how sweet will it be when he’s nailed?  I just made a new account and added him.  I’m going to see if I can get him to fuck himself more

There’s no reasoning with Cam when he’s on a mission.  There’s only one angle left to try.

Cam: Besides, there’s no going back at this point.

Me: huh?  why not

Cam: Well, if daddy’s guys are going to talk to him and pretend to be you, they’ll HAVE to know about last night

Damn!  He’s right.  There really is no way we can pretend nothing happened.  We have to tell.  If we don’t and it ruins the operation, Craig (and Mr. Rice) will be even more pissed.  Cam really does think shit through.

Me: I didn’t think of that

Cam: Are you ok?  I could tell you were unnerved last night

Me: Sorta.  He gives me the creeps

Cam: He won’t for much longer.  Trust me, we’ll have the best celebration ever. 

If only I had Cam’s confidence.  He’s so at ease about the whole thing.  I wonder what plans to ‘celebrate’ he’s conjured.  I assume it involves being naked.

Me: I still think your dad is going to flip his shit

Cam: Let me take care of Daddy.  He might be mad at first, but when he realizes how good we did getting Chad to hang himself, he’ll be pleased

‘Pleased’?  I feel like Cam is totally oblivious to how pissed his dad is going to be.  I mean, he sent an effing dick pic.  I shuddered thinking about Mr. Rice reading everything. 

Me:  I hope you're right 

Cam:  I am.  Trust me babe, I got this.  When Chad has his nuts cut off, you’ll feel great.

I wish I shared his optimism. 

Me:  True.  BTW Chad couldn’t remember your name.  He asked me last night.

Cam: what did you tell him?

Me:  Nothing yet.  I didn’t reply

Cam: Answer him!  And tell him I added him.  It’s perfect.  He’ll have no reason to think anything is up.

Cam:  I gotta go.  Mom is making waffles. 

I bid Cam farewell and jumped in the shower, letting the hot water do its trick.  I felt much better after.  It’s like some of my Chad-induced funk washed down the drain.  I think Cam might be right about everything: we really did get him to incriminate himself.  Maybe I’m just too emotional about it all. 

I can’t dwell.  Mom is taking me to breakfast and a movie, and I want to enjoy it.  Before heading out, I sent Chad a quick response giving Cam’s name and mentioned that he reached out.

***

Spending time with Mom was just what I needed to keep my mind off Chad.  She actually had some good news that she didn’t share yesterday.  She is almost certain she will get a promotion at work.  Flying out on short notice to fix whatever this problem was scored big points. 

“It’s not in the bag yet, but the big boss scheduled a short meeting first thing Monday,” she explained.  “That would normally be worrisome, but I know after last week I’m in great standing.  If it's what I think it is, the raise would cover Europe and maybe that trip to New York we’ve always talked about.”

“Really?  Sweet!”  I gave her a fist bump across the table.  “That’s great.”

“I still think you should do chores and earn as much of your own fare as possible.  You’ll appreciate the trip more that way.”

“That’s fair,” I replied.  I didn’t add that I’m down for anything that involves spending time with Craig.  I imagine she thinks I’m dreading whatever chores I’m assigned, but I’m not.

I chose IT Chapter 2, which is funny because I didn’t want to see it with Liam a couple of weeks ago.  Mom agreed even though it isn’t her genre.  It was creepy af but some of the boys in the cast are cute.

Once home, Mom started a grocery list and asked if I wanted to come.  I declined since I have a project for social studies to finish.  I know some kids my age would dread tagging along with their mom to the store, but I enjoy it.  When my father was still around, grocery runs were a brief reprieve.  She would always let me pick out snacks and dump some quarters in the claw machine. 

Before leaving, Mom stopped by my room to solicit requests.  I couldn't think of anything, but I gave her a big hug and thanked her for taking me to the movie and breakfast.  I thought she must have forgotten something when I heard the garage door 10 minutes later, but I was mistaken. 

Craig was here, knocking at my door.

***

I'm usually stoked to see Craig, but was immediately filled with dread.  “This is a nice surprise.  What are you doing here?”  I asked.  While I’m pretty sure I know exactly why he’s there, I’m trying to pretend otherwise.

He sighed.  “We need to talk, young man.”  He was stern.  Yep, this is definitely not good.

“Is, um, something wrong?” 

He crossed his arms.  “You tell me.”

“I can’t think of anything,” I answered.  I wonder if I can shift gears?  “Oh!  Did Mrs. Rice complain that we were inappropriate?  I know we’ve been bad about PDA in the past, but I swear all we did was hug and hold hands.  She flashed her headlights at us when we were saying goodbye, so I think she was annoyed.”

His face was expressionless.  “Cut the crap, Maxwell.”

I looked away.  “What?  Nothing happened.”

What the fuck am I doing?  I know damn well why Craig is here, and yet, I’m acting like a six-year-old who got caught sneaking cookies and still tries to lie his way out of it.  I almost confessed to Craig last night, but now I can’t bring myself to even admit it.

“DO NOT LIE TO ME!”  

I’ve only heard that tone from Craig a couple of times.  It hurts, feeling his wrath, knowing I fucked up.  I lost it.  Totally blubbering and breathing heavy and snot everywhere.  Thirty seconds later and I’m still sobbing uncontrollably. 

“You’re upset because you know you were wrong, defied me, and that you’re in trouble.  Then you made it worse by not being honest with me right away,” he stated calmly.  “Take some deep breaths, because we ARE going to discuss this.”

I managed to steady my breathing for a moment.  “I didn’t want to, but…”

“Cam pressured you?  Yeah, that’s becoming a recurring theme.  Bob and I agree he hasn’t been a very good influence lately.  But that’s a separate issue, which Mr. Rice is dealing with.”

I knew Mr. Rice would lose his mind.  I tried to warn Cam, but he wouldn’t listen.  Craig makes it sound bad.  I hope Cam is okay and not getting his ass shredded with a belt.  And I really hope they don't think he's being a negative influence.

“And yet, you still went along with it.  It was your phone, which Cam didn’t steal.  He admitted to doing most of the messaging, but then, you sent some too, didn’t you?  Literally, you even took a picture of yourself.”

This sucks so bad.  Worse than I thought.  I averted my eyes; I just can’t look at him right now.  Disappointing Mom is rough, but having Craig so angry with me is like a hard kick right to the gut.  I try to respond, but nothing comes out.

“I can’t hear you.  Look at me when you’re speaking.”

“I said ‘yes sir.’  I snapped Chad, too.”

He paused and audibly exhaled.  He was still gruff, but slightly calmer.  “Why would you do that?  I was very clear, was I not?”

I am trying to think of a way to explain.  I thought about the arguments Cam used to convince me, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea to press. 

I must have looked tentative, because Craig picked up on it.  “Say what’s on your mind.”

Well, it’s now or never.  I hope this doesn’t blow up in my face. 

“I’m not trying to argue, but Cam made some good points.  I didn’t like talking with him and felt weird about it, but you did tell me Bob’s people might need my help to get him to reply.  And you told me I wasn’t allowed on Grindr, not that I couldn’t talk to Chad.”  I can’t believe I just tried to pass that bullshit off as a reasonable argument.  It sounded better when Cam said it.

That was a mistake, because Craig’s face turned bright red and he started yelling again.  “Oh, come on!  That’s a distinction without a difference.  Don’t plead technicalities.  My intent was clear and you knew full well you weren’t supposed to talk to him, or any man for that matter, about sex.  That’s why you aren’t allowed on Grindr until you’re 18.”

He’s right, but damn, he could cut me a little slack.  If he hadn’t said anything about them possibly needing my help, none of this would have happened because I wouldn’t have brought it up to Cam.  I know his temper is flaring, but I need to be honest, right?

“Unless it’s with you, right?”  I suddenly blurted out.  I don’t even know why I said it.  Anger, I guess.

He didn’t respond, just stared at me.  I know my words stung.  I didn’t mean to, and I know that’s a sensitive topic, so now I feel even shittier.

“You’re right.  It’s probably wrong for us to discuss that stuff,” he said, calmer now.  “And a lot of this is my fault, for allowing you to be sexually-active to begin with.  I’ve already blamed myself for Chad, since he wouldn’t have hurt you if I hadn’t normalized the idea of sex with an adult and you hadn’t broken up with Cam, and that never would have happened if I hadn’t crossed the line in Mexico.”

At least he’s talking to me now, not yelling.

“Look, I have a lot of regrets, but caring about you and filling a fatherly role in your life isn’t among them.  I love you, and that’s never going to change,” he said firmly, “but you knew you weren’t supposed to talk to him and how I’d feel about it.  Am I right or am I wrong?”

I tried to explain how it unfolded.  “You’re right.  I told Cam it was a bad idea, but after it started, I got sucked in.  And Chad wasn’t totally mean, so it didn’t feel unsafe,” I said.  “I asked Cam to stop taking it so far.  But he’s right — he got Chad to incriminate himself and he wants to meet.  It’s more progress than anyone else has made.”

Craig sighed heavily.  He seems exasperated.  “I know he was trying to help, but his father and I were clear to stay out of it.  You both understood that.  Right?”

“Yes sir,” I said meekly.

“I know you aren’t young children, but you’re still kids.  Chad is a predator.  You know all too well what he’s capable of.  Even if you thought I was vague and there was a gray area, Bob was in no way ambivalent.  Correct?”

I nodded.  I can’t even look at him.  I’m so disappointed in myself, for going along with Cam’s dumb idea, but even more so for trying to lie about it.  I’m not five-years-old any more, but I’m acting like it.

“I’m very disappointed.  You put yourself at risk, defied Bob’s and my wishes, were inappropriate with your phone and your boyfriend, and then tried to pretend it didn’t happen,” he began, before pausing.  “I thought you respected me more than to play dumb and lie.  If you make a mistake, own up to it.”

My tears had never stopped, but did ebb.  Now they’re flooding back.  “I do!  I’m sorry.”

“I know you are, but you’ve lost my trust.  That will take time to earn back.”

That might be the worst thing he could say to me.  I lost it.

“Are you going to spank me again?” I managed between sobs.  Honestly, I kind of want him to.  I deserve it and I think I’d actually feel better.

“Do you think you’ve earned that?”

I replied with a quick nod. 

“I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t occurred to me.  I’m very upset with you right now, and it might even be justified because of the severity of your transgression, but I promised I wouldn’t do that again and I intend to keep my word.  A man’s word matters, more than most things.  Don’t ever forget that.”

Ugh.  He knows just how to hit me hard.  “I know!  I’m sorry.  I even wanted to confess last night but was afraid you’d be angry.”

“I would have been.  Very much so.  But I’d also have been proud of you for being mature and recognizing you made a mistake by coming to me yourself,” he replied.  “I don’t expect you to be perfect.  I do expect you to be honest and follow directions.”

I vigorously nodded.  “I promise it won’t happen again.  I don’t want to let you down.”

“Or your mom.  She’s going to be completely unnerved.”

What?  I was just thinking how lucky I was she was gone when he arrived.  But he really wants to bring her into the loop about Chad?  That can’t happen!

“Yes, we’re telling her.  Well, you’re telling her, but I’ll be there with you.”

“Daddy no!” I begged.  “Please!  She’ll freak out!”

“You’ve forced my hand.  How can we explain why you’re grounded and have lost your phone?  Keep it vague.  She doesn’t need to know about Chad specifically.  Explain how you and Cam were talking with a grown man about hooking up.  You can even say you never planned to follow through, which is technically true this time, but she deserves to know why you’re being disciplined.”

I can’t believe this is happening.  I wasn’t happy to reinitiate contact with Chad, and understood the adults were likely to be mad, but I never thought I’d have to tell Mom.

“You have one minute to send any message you need to, then hand over your phone,” he demanded.  “And I don’t know when you’ll get it back, because your mom and I need to discuss the duration.”

I grabbed my phone from the desk and unplugged it.  There was a text message from Cam.  “I’m sorry.  See you at gymnastics,” was all it said.  I thought about replying, but I know damn well his phone is gone.

***

While we waited in silence for Mom to return, I tried to think of a way to explain what we did without having her think I’m the worst son on the planet.  I decided that ‘we were just messing around being funny’ was the best approach.  Lame, but it’s better than telling her I met up with the father of a classmate and let him ravage my throat and ass with his giant cock.

When the garage door went up, real panic set in.  Craig tried to reassure me with a hug. 

“Max, honey, come down and help put groceries away please,” Mom called out.

“I know you’re nervous about talking with her, but I’ll be right there with you.”

“Do we have to?”  I asked, sounding whinier than I intended.  Maybe Craig changed his mind.  Surely we can come up with some plausible explanation for why he took my phone. 

“Yes, we do.  This isn’t a negotiation.  She’s your mother and you’re in major trouble.  She has to know.”

“Can't you just tell her?  Please?”  I pleaded.  I know it’s pathetic, but I’m desperate. 

Craig shook his head.  “No.  Besides, she’s going to want to talk to you about it.  It’s her responsibility as a parent.  If I fill her in on my own, she’ll question you after I leave.  It’ll go most smoothly if I’m there with you and can reiterate she doesn’t want details.”

I guess that makes sense.  This still sucks.

“I love you Max, but this is happening.  Come on, let’s get it over with.”  

***

Mom is in such a good mood.  “I picked up some treats.  Come grab a snack,” she offered.

“I don’t think he’s hungry,” Craig replied.  “Max needs to tell you something.  Let’s go into the family room.”

Mom’s demeanor changed instantly.  “Baby, is something wrong?  You’ve been crying.  What’s going on?”

That didn’t help.  It only made me cry harder.

“He's upset because he’s disappointed me and gotten himself in trouble,” Craig answered for me, handing Mom my phone.  “Go ahead.  Tell her what happened and why you’re grounded.”

“I was b-bad.  I’m sorry,” I mumbled between sobs. 

Mom looked at Craig, then back to me.  “‘Bad’?  What do you mean?”

“Craig told me not to d-do something and I did it anyway.”

My lame attempts to be vague were met with an abrupt directive from Craig.  “Stop beating around the bush.  Dragging this out doesn’t help anything.”

“Craig told me… I wasn’t allowed… to talk to men online until I’m 18… but I didn’t listen.”  There, can we leave it at that?

Mom seemed confused at first, then it sunk in what I was saying.  Now she looks horrified.  Ugh, this is the worst.  “You mean…”

“I know it was wrong, but I wasn’t actually going to meet him,” I offered.  That was kinda true.  “Cam and I were just goofing around.”

Thankfully, Craig explained so I didn’t have to. 

“It was… a very sexually-charged conversation.  You don’t want details,” he said.  “Just like safer-sex, Max and I have talked several times about internet safety and how to use technology appropriately.  I wasn’t even as conservative as most adults would be, but he still crossed the line.”  

I can’t even look at him, or Mom.  I’m staring directly at my feet.

“Did he know your actual age?”  Mom demanded to know.

“Yes,” I answered, barely audible.

That sent Mom over the edge, who became agitated for the first time.  “You know how dangerous that could be!  And after your father, I can’t even pretend to understand what you were thinking.”  I hadn’t thought about the dynamic with all of that.  Shit.  That makes me feel even worse. 

I’m a mess.  Craig eventually wrapped his arms around me.  It’s a weird feeling.  I love his embrace, even if the circumstances suck.  I don’t want him to let go.  My actual dad would have scolded me and ignored me for a week, just to make me feel worse.  It’s nice having a father-figure by my side, trying to console me, even though he’s angry. 

To his credit, Craig intervened.  “For whatever it’s worth, I am satisfied Max understands how inappropriate his behavior has been and how disappointed we both are.  He knows he’s earned consequences, and I told him he lost his phone and was grounded until further notice, but assumed you and I would discuss it privately before determining length.”

Mom nodded her agreement.  She walked over to the junk draw and started rummaging around.  What the hell is she doing?  Looking for scissors to cut off my balls?

I’m mortified when she turns around holding my old GizmoGadget.  It’s this watch thing I got when I was like 10 that’s sort of like a phone but not really.  It lets you call and send basic, preset messages to limited numbers — and tracks your location. 

“Get this charged,” she instructed.  “I expect you to take as good care of this as you did when you first got it.”

I thought it was cool back in fourth grade, but I can’t be seen with that now.  I’d be the laughing stock of Olympia Middle School.  “Mama no!  That’s not fair!  I’m not a baby and I can’t wear that stupid thing.”

“Yes, you will.  You’ve lost your phone but I still want to know where you are and be able to get a hold of you in case there’s an emergency.  You can call me or Craig, maybe Lisa and Adam, but that’s it.  I’ll call Verizon later to have it turned back on.”

Wearing that at school will be ten times worse than having everyone know I’m gay.  I can feel my rage rising.  This is so unfair.  “I WILL NOT!  You can’t fucking make me!”  I flung the watch back at her.

Bad, bad move.  Craig is in my face in a flash.  “What you WILL NOT do is treat your mother so disrespectfully EVER AGAIN.  I know you’re upset, but you WILL do as you’re told because you are a 14-year-old BOY and you are NOT in charge.  Now go to your room, and I will check on you before I leave.”  Craig is scary when he wants to be.

Escaping to my room actually sounds great.  I want nothing more than to be alone in my misery.

As I stormed out of the room, Craig stopped me.  “You were told to charge that, and you will do as you’re told.  Don’t walk past it like you don’t see it on the floor,” he said sharply.

I’m not about to earn any more of Craig’s ire, and reluctantly picked it up before heading upstairs.  I’m hoping the battery has died completely, but when I plug it in, it begins to charge.  FML.

***

There’s nothing to do but bury my head into my pillow and wallow.  I'm mad at Cam and Craig and Mom, but most of all, I’m disgusted with myself.  I knew full well we shouldn’t have done what we did.  And yet, I let Cam convince me this was somehow a good idea, when deep down I knew better.  I guess it’s true what they say about peer pressure.  When they gave lectures about how ‘social coercion’ can cause you to do inappropriate things you never thought you would, like drinking or doing drugs, I always dismissed it.  I wouldn’t ever do those things — or so I smugly thought.  I'm a good kid and know better.  It’s dangerous.  But now?  I definitely understand how it can happen.

Craig eventually tapped on my door.  “Now that you’ve had some quiet alone time, how are you feeling?”  For the first time since he arrived, he sounds normal.  He sat down on the foot of my bed.

I grimaced.  “Sad.  Mad.  Annoyed.  Humiliated.  Take your pick.”

“I bet.  But you can’t treat your mom that way, not ever,” he said, gently rubbing my bare leg.  I want so badly to snuggle with him.

My guilt surged.  “I know.  It’s not her fault.  She’s just being a mom.  I just, I dunno, I lost it on her for a second.  I pictured everyone laughing at that stupid watch.”

“Just leave it in your backpack or pocket.  It’s basically for emergencies and to have some way to stay in contact,” he replied.  “You still owe her an apology, but she’s more worried about you than angry.  You scare her when you act like that.  It reminds her of your father, and is never acceptable.  Do you understand?”

I feel awful.  The last thing I want to do is remind her of that bastard.  “Yes sir.  I have the watch charging.  I’ll apologize to her when I come down for dinner.”

“Yes you will, but an apology is just manipulation if your behavior doesn’t change.  This is your third incident in less than a month.  Do you need to go back to counseling to help deal with your anger?”

My therapist was cool (for an old lady), and she did get Craig to become my mentor, but beyond that, I’m not sure it really did me much good.  I went mostly to appease Mom.  I’m not thrilled about wasting more time talking to Jan, but shit, he has a point.  I can’t keep blowing up at her.  It’s not okay.

“No!”  I don’t want him thinking I need counseling or have an anger problem. 

“Then keep your temper in check.  It’s normal to get frustrated sometimes, but it is never acceptable to be abusive.  Got it?”

I hung my head.  Was I ‘abusive’ to Mom, every time I lost my cool with her?  I was awful to her, for days, after the S.N.O.  grounding.  Now this.  And I was mean to Craig a couple of times, too. 

God, he knows just what to say to make you feel like utter shit, but in a still loved and totally reasonable kind of way.  He’s not being mean, just matter-of-fact.  And it cuts me to the bone. 

“Got it.  I’m sorry I let you down again.  I don’t mean to be bad.”

Mercifully, Craig motioned for me to crawl next to him.  I gladly moved right into his lap.  He wrapped me in his arms and held me tight. 

“You’re allowed to make mistakes.  You might do or say bad things occasionally, but that doesn’t make YOU bad.  You know I’ll still love you like crazy no matter what, right?”  His words are comforting, as is the light kiss he applied to the top of my head.  “That’s why I hold you accountable, because I believe in you so much and know you can do better.  If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t bother.”

That makes me feel warm inside.  He really does love me.  It’s not just an act or manipulation to be able to touch me.  “I know, and I’m grateful, even if it sucks sometimes.”

He hugged me tighter.  “By the way, Cam asked me to express his sorrow.  He feels guilty.”

I sighed.  I knew he would.  Why won’t he ever listen to me?  “I know.  I saw his text when I gave you my phone.  Is he okay?”

“He will be.  Mr. Rice is very upset, but he wasn’t disowned or anything.  He can tell you the details at practice tomorrow.” 

“His dad is usually so nice, but he can be intense when he’s mad.  Not scary so much, but intimidating.  I’m glad Mom stays calm,” I said.  “I can’t believe I cussed and threw the watch at her.  That was so mean.  Will you walk me down so I can apologize?”  I want to stay like this, cuddled in his lap, but I don’t want Mom to feel bad for any longer than she already has. 

“Sure.  I planned on taking the stairs, anyway.  Going out the window would hurt.”  

I normally cringe at Craig’s horrible dad jokes, but this one made me laugh.  It’s a sign we’ll get through this, and reassures me nothing has changed between us.  I’m his boy and he isn’t going anywhere.  It’s so different from how Rick treated me.

I decided to make a peace offering and put the Gizmo on my wrist before the march of shame to make things right with Mom.

***

I noticed Mom mixing something, from the stairs.  Shit.  She bakes when she’s stressed, and I gave her plenty of reasons.

She looked up, catching my eye.  I walked toward her, held up my arm, and showed the watch.

“I'm sorry I was rude.  I was wrong and shouldn’t have been disrespectful.”

Mom pulled me into a hug and held me there, whispering in my ear.  “I love you so much, I just want you to be safe and appropriate.”  She paused and held me tighter.  “But if you ever pull something like this again, you and Cam are finished.  I will not have him be a negative influence on you.”

I gulped, but didn’t say anything.  Mom blames Cam.  That isn’t good.  Eventually, she pushed me away.

“I appreciate and accept your apology, but you still have consequences.  Are you ready to have a civil conversation?”

“Yes ma’am,” I replied solemnly.  This is going to suck.

“You know you’ve lost electronics and are grounded.  How long depends on your attitude and level of compliance, but it’s a minimum of two weeks.  We’ll reevaluate at the end of the month and decide if you’ve earned back privileges.”

I cringed, but nodded so she knew I processed.

“You’ll already be doing extra chores to help pay for Europe, but basically it’s school, gymnastics, home.  No hanging out with friends, playing video games, or watching TV.  Essentially, no tech unless you’re doing homework.”

“I understand.”  Honestly, I’m kind of glad they aren’t yanking Europe.  And hanging out with Craig, even if it’s to do chores, will be a reprieve from boredom. 

“Good.  Craig and I talked, and he explained how embarrassing wearing the Gizmo would be for you at school.  I still want you to have it, but you can keep it in your pocket.  That way it serves its purpose but won’t be mortifying.  Fair?”

I felt an immediate sense of relief.  I need to make sure to thank Craig for stepping in and convincing her.  “Fair.  Thanks.”

“And of course, Craig doesn’t count.  You can see him any time.  I will update your contacts to make sure he’s included,” Mom said, before turning toward Craig.  “Did I leave anything out?”

“I don’t think so.  It’s a pretty standard middle school grounding,” he replied to her.  Now, he shifted his gaze to me.  “Handle this maturely, and show you can be responsible and trusted over the next couple of weeks, and you’ll be released from restriction.  Otherwise, October will suck and I know how disappointed Noah will be if you miss his birthday.”

Craig raised his eyebrows for that last part, which I read loud and clear.  Noah would be crushed if I missed his birthday, and I know he’ll be desperate for a hummer.

“Trust me, I plan to be there for him.”

***

I’m not normally in the best mood Monday mornings, and after yesterday, I’m on the verge of outright cranky.  Despite this, I’m actually eager to go to school for a change.  It’s only been half-a-day since I lost my phone, but I already feel completely disconnected.  School is going to be my only real outlet for socializing.  For the next couple of weeks, lunch and gymnastics will be the highlights of my day.  I sure hope it’s only a couple of weeks, anyway.  I don’t want to give any reason to be grounded for longer. 

Noah was waiting for me by my locker.  “Hey,” he said, offering a half-hearted wave.  “Craig told me you were grounded.  How bad was your ass chewing?”

“He did?”  I asked, slightly irritated.  I mean, I know we share everything with Craig, but what the hell?  Did Noah go racing next door as soon as Craig pulled in to get the scoop?  It rubs me wrong.  “What the hell?”  I guess I’m still annoyed at the whole situation.

“My ‘rents had him and Kim over for dinner,” Noah explained.  So, my screw up was a topic of conversation over Sunday dinner?  Fucking awesome.  “He told me before I whooped his ass in ping pong.  I knew shit was going to hit the fan as soon as Cam told me what you guys did.”  

He sounds a little preachy, like he’s judging us.  I don’t need it.  I know it was wrong, okay?

“Wait?  Cam told you?”

“I’ll explain later, it’s a long story.”  He leaned past me and glanced at my rear.  “You don’t look too bad off.  I'm glad Craig didn’t lose it on you.  I wasn’t certain he wouldn’t,” he said.  WTF does that mean?  “I sure hope Cam is alive.”

I’m confused as to why Cam would have told him, or why Craig would have discussed my consequences.  I feel like there’s something I'm missing, but honestly, I don’t really want to think about it.  “It was horrible.  You know how it is to disappoint your parents.  Can we just drop it?”

“Uh… yeah, sure,” he answered.  “I better check in with Ashley before class, anyway.  See you at lunch.”  

I don’t know why I’m so agitated, but I am.  I didn’t need to be reminded of this bullshit at school by the first person I talk to.

***

Walking with Seb and Jamie to lunch was obnoxious, too.  They’re still on a high from their sleepover.  It’s hard to be around happy people when you’re in a funk.  When we got to the lunchroom, I peeled off to grab a sandwich. 

“Who pissed in his Cheerios?” Jamie asked.  Must be obvious that I'm in a bad mood.  Oh well.

I was quiet at our table while Jamie and Seb carried on.  It’s cute, but my god, they both seem so immature.  It’s never really bothered me before, but I’m already on edge.  I wonder if people think Cam and I are like that?  Or were, when we first started our relationship?

Liam was the last to sit down, taking the open spot next to me.  “Hey guys, what’s up?  I forgot to grab my lunch and had to run back to my locker.  What’s new?”

Noah answered.  “So far, we’re just reliving Jamie and Seb’s sleepover.  You haven’t missed anything.”  

“Probably because they are keeping the best parts to themselves,” Liam whispered to me, giving me a nudge with his elbow.  I cracked a slight smile.  He always manages to lift my spirits. 

“So, what did everyone else get up to over the weekend?”  Seb asked.

“Max and I ate breakfast at Eggy’s,” Noah chimed in.  “It’s so good.”

“And I went shopping with Cam,” I added, completely unenthusiastic.  Sunday morning with Mom was fun, but I didn’t want to get into it.  “That’s about it.  Didn’t even buy anything.”  

“Did you not see my text?”  Liam asked.  “Krew broke his leg on a trampoline.  He’s in this huge cast!  He asked me to collect his homework.  I was hoping you could grab his science assignments since you’re in his class.”

“Sure.  But no, I didn’t see,” I answered.  “I… um, don’t have my phone.”

I was attempting to be quiet, but Jamie heard.  “What?  Did you lose it?  Or just crack the fuck out of the screen?”

“Neither.  My phone is fine.”  I sighed.  “Just locked away in my mom’s room somewhere.”

“Oh shit!”  Jamie said.  “What the eff did you do?  You’re such a goody-goody, you’re never in trouble.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.  Just don’t try to text me for a while.”

“That really sucks,” Seb offered.  At least he’s empathetic. 

Jamie pressed.  “Oh boy.  Were you and Cameron caught sexting or something?  Young man!”  Ugh.  That’s exactly how Craig started.  ‘Young man.’  I hate that, because it always means I’m in trouble. 

I know he’s just teasing and giving me crap.  It’s our way, but I’m in no mood and glared. 

“Way worse.  He’s lucky he only got grounded a couple of weeks,” Noah said.  What the hell?  Why the fuck is this anyone’s business?

I slammed the table and raised my voice.  “Seriously?  Shut the fuck up!  I know for a fact your browser history isn’t squeaky clean.”

Noah looked shocked.  “Whoa, settle the hell down.  I never did anything like what you and Cam tried.”  He was defiant.  I must have struck a nerve, alluding to his history of camming with “girls” online.

If he’s going to keep being a dick and spread my business, I’m not going to self-censor.  “Oh really?  Are you certain?  Maybe one of your little cam chat girls is exactly the same thing, you just didn’t know.”

“Guys, chill.”  Liam said, sounding stressed.

“What does he mean, ‘your little cam chat girls’?”  Oh fuck.  I didn’t see Ashley walk up behind me.  Noah looks like he’s about to explode, just like he did when he jumped Brady at the S.N.O. 

“Nothing.  Forget I said anything.”  I pushed my chair back and bolted.  This is so uncomfortable.

“What was he talking about?”  Ashley demanded as I walked towards the tray drop-off.

Noah is going to kill me.  But whatever, he started it, sharing my business in front of everyone.  I don’t understand why he couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut.  He’s being a fucking hypocrite, judging me when I know what he gets up to.

I left out the side door and retreated to the library.  I just want to be left alone.

***

I laid my head on the table and sulked a few minutes before the chair next to me moved.  It was Liam.  “Seb thought I might find you here.”

I looked up and feigned a smile.  I really didn’t want anyone to track me down, but if someone had to, I’m glad it’s Liam.  There’s just something about him.  You know you can trust him and that he’ll do right — not just by you, but everyone.  He has this quiet, calming presence and maturity.

“Hi,” I whimpered.

“You okay?”  

I frowned. 

“Never mind.  Dumb question.”

“It’s been a long day or so,” I mumbled.

He put his hand on my shoulder.  “I can tell.  Anything I can do to help?”

“I dunno.  I’m kind of lost right now.  No phone, I’m totally grounded, Mom and Craig are disappointed in me.  I can’t see Cam.  Now I just pissed off my best friend.  I’m letting everyone down.”

“Yeah, Noah was pretty wound up.  He raced off after Ashley to do damage control.  I wish I knew what this was all about.  He has ‘cam girls’?”

I groaned.  “I can’t believe I blurted that out.”

“We all do stupid things when we're angry.  He clearly pushed your buttons, although I’m not sure he meant to.  Care to talk about whatever it is that has you so upset?”

“No!” I answered sharply.

“Right.  Sorry.  I just thought you might need to vent.  I didn’t mean to pry.”

I sighed.  “It’s fine, I just don’t want to get into it.  It’s embarrassing.”  At least Liam gets when he’s being nosy, and backs off.  “So, Noah was pissed?”

“Yeah, afraid so.  Don’t worry about it, though.  He’ll get over it.  You guys have been friends a long time, right?”

“Yes.  Like since preschool.  I don’t ever remember having a fight with him.”

“You should apologize, but honestly, I think he owes you one, too.”

“If I had a phone, I would… but I don’t even have a class with him this year,” I explained.  Maybe that’s a good thing?  I don’t think I’m ready to face him.  “How do you go a whole day every week without technology, anyway?”

Liam shrugged.  “It’s not that hard.  I use the day to focus on other things.  It’s actually kind of nice, sometimes anyway.”

“‘Other things’?  Like what?”

“Well, we go to church, but you knew that.  I usually try to spend some time with my little brothers.  Play board games and stuff.  I have some other hobbies, too.”

“Such as?”

Liam blushed.  “Nothing impressive.  Dad has a workshop and I’ve done some woodworking with him.  And I help my mom make blankets.  We make them all year and then donate them around Christmas.”

He snuck his phone and showed me a photo of a Vikings blanket.  “We just finished this yesterday.”

“Cool,” I offered.  It looks impressive to me. 

“Not really.  I’d be the laughing stock if anyone knew I did that, especially the guys on the football team.  They’d think it was…”  He paused. 

“Totally gay?”  I answered, grinning.

“Yeah.  Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.  So, what you’re saying is that I should find something wholesome to fill my time?  Maybe I’ll sew myself a new pair of jeans?”

“Hey, if you can mock me you’re feeling better,” he teased.  “But my dad always says you should take advantage of opportunities given to you.  So, lean into something.  A new hobby.  Gymnastics.  A relationship that’s important to you.  I dunno.  But like he says, lying around and having a pity party accomplishes nothing.  You learn whatever lesson you can and find the positive things you can focus on.”

Mr. Masteler sounds wise.  It’s interesting, watching him light up talking about his father.  I wonder if I do the same thing when I talk about Craig?  Cam usually does when he brings up Bob, and Jamie really bonded with his stepdad, Wyatt. 

I wasn’t sure what to say, and just nodded.

“He’s not usually wrong.  Think about it.”  Liam hesitated.  “Can I share something else my dad taught me?”

“Sure.”  I’m curious where this is headed.

“A year or so ago, my younger brothers and I were fighting.  Like, a lot.  They were always doing things to intentionally annoy me, hoping to get a reaction.  Dad explained that they looked up to me and wanted my attention, and responding with anger leads to hurt for everyone.  He wrote down a quote from one of our former church presidents, and I dunno, it really resonated with me.”

He tore a small piece of paper from his binder and scribbled something, before handing it to me.

“Temper is a vicious and corrosive thing that destroys affection and casts out love.”

Deep.  I know blowing up at Noah was stupid and that quote makes it seem worse.

He must have recognized my guilt.  “Try to consider why Noah said what he did, instead of just reacting to his unkind words,” he suggested.  “Dad says it’s because I find it ‘spiritually nourishing,’ but that quote brings me peace when I’m annoyed or frustrated, especially if it’s toward someone I care about.  I get along so much better with my little bros now, and everyone is happier.”

I wasn’t sure what to say.  He patted my hand as the bell rang. 

***

Part of me wanted to rush through the halls, find Noah, and apologize before class started.  The other part of me is afraid to face him.  I made things tough for him with Ashley and I know he’s pissed. 

I ended up dawdling so I wouldn’t run into him.  I can be such a chickenshit sometimes.

***

I was completely unfocused the rest of the day, even earning Mrs. Hickman’s ire, which I hadn’t managed since the first day of school.  Liam caught me in the hall after class and tried to reassure me. 

“Everything will work out.”  Damn, I really appreciate him.  He’s so unlike every other 13-year-old.  I mean, I hang out with ‘good kids,’ but he’s like a miniature adult.  He’s just so… grounded?

Being home alone after school was just what I needed.  I did some laundry, fixed myself an apple with a little bit of peanut butter and a string cheese, and managed to fit in some core-strength exercises.  Liam’s right — accomplishing something, even if it’s basic, improved my mood.  I need to channel my time and energy into something productive. 

While I waited for Mom to get home to take me to gymnastics, I pulled out the story I started weeks ago for Mrs. Hickman.  I was gung-ho on that when I first started, but I hit writer's block and haven’t touched it since. 

***

I always like going to gymnastics (well, okay, most of the time), but I was beyond excited because I’d get to see Cam and the other guys.  It’s a better social outlet than even school.  As Mom drove me, I started to worry.  What if his ass is too sore to participate?  I hadn’t thought about it before for some reason, but my anxiety flared the closer we got.

Mom pulled up to the door and I raced inside.  I need not have worried.  Cam was already there, stretching.  His father was in the bleachers, watching.  I tried not to look at him.

Cam rose and greeted me with a hug.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“It’s okay,” I answered.

He hung his head.  “No, it’s not.  I got us both in trouble.  I should have listened — to Daddy and Craig for sure, but most of all, to you.  I promise I’m working on it.”

While I do blame Cam for pushing so hard, I wasn’t about to let him take the complete rap.  After all, Chad wouldn’t exist to him if we hadn’t hooked up to begin with.  And that never would have happened if we hadn’t broken up after I cheated on him with Craig. 

“We were both stupid.  I should have been more assertive,” I admitted.  I glanced at Bob, who is still studying us intently.  I know the clock is ticking.  “So, how bad was it?  I wasn’t sure you’d be able to sit.”

“Daddy started to spank me, but I squirmed away,” he explained.

“Oh shit!”  I can just see Mr. Rice chasing him down and giving it to him twice as hard for being disobedient.

He shook his head.  “He was calmer later, after Craig came over.  But I’m totally grounded for a month and am sore from all the chores I did yesterday.  I spent the better part of last night on my hands and knees, scrubbing all the grout in the basement bathroom.  How about you?”

“At least two weeks.  Mom is making me carry my old Gizmo.  It’s so cringe.”

“That sucks.  My Mom told me I should use this time of restriction to reflect and grow my testimony,” Cam shared, rolling his eyes.  “I told her Jesus already loves me even if she doesn’t.”

Wow.  Harsh.  “How did that go over?”

Cam blushed.  “Dad told me to stop being disrespectful to my mother or he’d finish what he started earlier.”

“Yikes.  So, did she give you the third degree or carry on about sinning?”

“No.  Dad kept it vague, just said I was irresponsible with my phone and had been whooped and grounded for a month.  When she asked what happened, he told her it was embarrassing boy stuff she doesn’t want to know about, that he took care of it, and didn’t want to ‘belabor my humiliation’ I think is how he put it.”

“And that worked?”

“I guess.  She hasn’t said anything more, at least not to me.”

Mr. Rice made an exaggerated cough from the stands.

“We better get to work.  Daddy told me we need to focus on improving our skills, not socializing.  He warned against playing ‘grab ass’ while we’re here, so we have to be careful.”

***

Throughout practice, Cam and I managed to sneak our conversation during breaks or while waiting our turn on an apparatus. 

“Did you know Chad was with Noah when he was texting us?”

“What?”  I asked.  Why the hell would Noah be with Chad?

“Yeah, Chad was at Ashley’s house the whole time.  He said Chad took a keen interest in some new friend of Brett’s.”

“Gross.  How did you find that out?”  Noah sure didn’t bother mentioning that to me.  It’s not that we talked that long at school, but damn, that’s kind of a big thing not to share. 

“He called me Sunday morning.  He wanted to tell someone but was afraid of freaking you out.”  Okay, I guess that makes some sense.

“Anyway, I told him about us chatting with him.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Let me guess: he thought we were stupid.”

“How did you know?”

“At school today, he was all judgy.  It pissed me off.”

“He warned me Daddy was going to lose his shit, just like you.  I guess you were both right about that.”

“I didn’t want to be.”  It still bothers me that Noah is so critical, like he’s never done anything stupid online.

“I guess I should be happy that he ran straight to Craig.  Daddy said he was a good friend, getting help from adults when we weren’t being safe.”

“Wait, what?  He snitched on us?”  That can’t be right, can it?

“He told Craig about the whole thing.  Didn’t you know?  I had just shared with Daddy, but Craig already knew and showed up just in time to prevent him from killing me dead.”  He actually laughed.  “Lucky, huh?  Maybe them fucking actually has benefits.  Craig sure can calm Daddy down when he’s seeing red.”

I don’t know what to think.  I understand Noah and I both tell Craig everything, but still.  I’m supposed to be his best friend, basically his brother, and he went straight to Craig without talking to me first?  He couldn’t even bother to give me a heads up or a warning?  Come on, that’s such bullshit!

Now I’m really fucking annoyed.  Maybe I should be glad I screwed things up with him and Ashley.

***

I stewed the rest of practice.  I can’t figure out Noah’s angle.  Seriously, WTF?  It’s bad enough he spread our business, and was so contemptuous to begin with, but he could have said something and maybe I wouldn’t have made a fool of myself with Craig. 

Of course, I should have known better than to try that, anyway.  I’m angry with Noah for several reasons, but also know it’s not really his fault I’m in trouble or that I lost my mind and lied to Craig.  I’m mad at myself for being petty, too.  But then, at lunch he made it sound like Cam and I killed someone even though he’s not exactly the picture of innocence.  This sucks.  I don’t know what to think.

Liam’s advice from lunch came back to me.  Being pissy right now isn’t going to do me any good.  I have gymnastics to focus on.  I imagined Liam was with me.  He always helps me keep perspective. 

Cam tried to engage me more in the locker room, but I don’t feel like talking.  Being betrayed will do that.

I looked for Mom in the stands and saw her talking to Mr. Rice.  My asshole literally clenched.  Cam is just as uneasy.  He tried to grab my hand but on reflex I pulled away. 

“Hey baby.  Good practice?”  Mom asked, kissing my cheek.  She sounds so cheerful.  “Bob and I were just exchanging notes.  You two are putting us through our parenting paces.”

“About that, Ms.  Coleman, I’m sorry.  I should have never put Max in that position.”  Cam being Cam.  He always knows just what to say and how to phrase it so it isn’t over-the-top. 

If she thought Cam was spewing bullshit, I would be able to tell based on her expression.  Thankfully, she smiled.  “Your father was just saying the same thing.  I appreciate you taking responsibility, but Max knew better and still participated.”

“Yes ma’am, I just wanted you to know it was mostly my fault.”

In my head, I knew at some point I would have to face Bob.  For whatever reason, it never occurred to me that Mom and Cam would have to have an awkward interaction, too.  Or Bob and Mom. 

The truth is, I’ve never really gotten into big trouble before, especially not with a friend.  Even the S.N.O.  was nothing compared to this shit show.  I’m not sure what comes next, but I took Cam’s lead.

“I’m sorry too, Mr. Rice.  I know we let you down.”

He gave me a side hug.  “Yes, you both did.  However, we all make mistakes.  This was a big one, and it’s our job to make sure it never happens again.  And it won’t, will it, boys?”

“No sir, not ever.”

“No Daddy.  We promise.”

“Good.  Show us.  Earn back the trust you’ve lost.”

***

Another shitty night of sleep.  I'm still pissed at Noah, and I don’t like that.  I thought about Liam’s advice, and decided to clear the air.  I know I’ll feel a lot better when Noah and I are back on good terms.  If I take the high road and apologize first, maybe it will get the ball rolling?  We can both say sorry and move on.  I don’t think either of us want to hold a grudge.

I heard a squeal as soon as I walked off my bus.  Mariah ran toward me.

“Max, your hair!  It’s so sexy,” she said as he rubbed her hand through my fresh cut.  So much for my gel.  It didn’t bother me when Mom did it, or Cam, but it’s uncomfortable with her.  “I was absent yesterday, but Ashley told me it looked good.  She downplayed how hot it looks.”  Jesus, was she waiting to pounce on me as soon as I arrived?

“Miss Anderson, please keep your hands to yourself,” Mr. Tim said from a distance.  I gave him a thankful nod.

“God, he’s such a buzz kill,” she muttered, reluctantly complying, but slowly moving her hands down my shoulders and arms.  Most kids like Mr. Tim, but he ruined her fun. 

“I know you’re ‘gay’, but if you ever want to try stuff with a girl, I love to suck D.”  She actually used air quotes when she said gay. 

Mariah has always come onto me strongly, but her bluntness caught me off guard. 

“Uh… me too,” was all I managed to say.  I’m not sure what my face contorted into, but her expression sure changed fast. 

“For you, I’d even swallow,” she whispered.  “You can cum, right?”

“I, um, don’t like to be wasteful either,” I stammered, ignoring her question.  How am I supposed to respond to that?  Who has Mariah been doing that with?  I don’t think she’s ever had a boyfriend.

She rubbed my chest.  “Just something to think about.  See you later.”

Well, that was unnerving.  She keeps getting more aggressive.  I don’t want to complicate anything for Ashley or Noah, or even get her into trouble, but I wonder at what point I should complain and ask Mr. Tim to intervene.  It’s starting to feel like sexual harassment and is definitely disrespectful, knowing what she does.  It’s like she doesn’t believe I’m gay because I’m not flaming, or thinks her oral skills will turn me.  I cringed at the thought, but then, is me letting a girl do that much different from Noah (or any straight guy) letting a boy blow him?

As I meandered through the halls, I finally spotted Noah heading to his locker.  Time to swallow my pride (er, no pun intended).  I grabbed his shoulder from behind. 

“Hey.”

“What?” he answered, twisting his shoulder to break from my grip.

Yikes.  He’s tense.  “I thought we should talk.  I, um, never would have said what I did if I knew Ashley was behind me.”

Noah, still silent, began spinning the lock.  “Great,” he finally replied.  “So, you didn’t mind telling all the other guys that I’m an online perv?”

“What?  No.  They would have just thought it was a joke,” I answered.  I’m not sure that’s accurate, given how heated we were.  I can feel my frustration rising, but I’m trying to suppress it.  “I know I messed up; I didn’t need your preaching.  Besides, you started talking about what I did in front of everyone first.  And you didn’t even bother telling me you snitched to Craig.  I made a complete ass of myself when he showed up at my house.”

Noah gritted his teeth.  “Really?  You have NO fucking idea what I saw at Ashley’s house with that prick.  I had to tell an adult, and Craig is the most trustworthy one I know.”

“Whatever.  You knew he’d be pissed.  It’s almost like you want to sabotage what we have, since he likes me better.  Are you jealous or something?”  

I paused.  Shit!  Where the eff did that come from?  Something inside of me snapped.  I instantly regretted saying it; it’s such a low blow.  Still, even if he didn’t actually want Craig to be upset with me, he sure doesn’t seem to care about me getting into so much trouble. 

“What I really don’t understand is why you couldn’t have given me a damn warning!”

He looked at me, completely bewildered.  I worried he would start crying.

“Seriously?  You’re being such an asshole.  Go to Hell!”  he yelled, his voice cracking, before shoulder checking me hard enough I stumbled.

Shit, this didn’t go well at all, and now I’m even more annoyed.  I do feel some regret about lashing out like that, but he just doesn’t get it.

Well, eff him if he’s going to be like this.  I tried to take the high road and he couldn’t even meet me halfway.  It’s time for him to apologize to me.

*** End of Chapter 45 ***

Author’s Notes:

We were a little slower getting this one out, but it’s because we wanted to get further to make sure the story didn’t have continuity issues.  Chapter 46 is almost complete and will be out in a week (or less)!

As always, feedback is much appreciated – craigpwriter888@tutanota.com