Max’s Awakening #47

By craigpwriter888@tutanota.com and J

Author’s notes:

This chapter picks up where the last one left off – Max took a sanity day and is home from school, avoiding any additional drama with Noah and Mariah.

The next Chapter of Freudian Slip (Craig’s version) is about ready to be submitted as well.  Thos of you reading both sides can look for it soon.

Please remember to donate to Nifty!

Chapter 47

Spending the day in solitude was beneficial.  After going back to sleep and getting ready for the day, I decided to be productive.  Since Mom let me stay home, I want to surprise her with a clean house.  I caught up on laundry, cleaned the bathrooms, and vacuumed.  After being such a turd, it’s the least I can do.

When I was in Mom’s room, I remembered her vibrator.  Is it still tucked away in her nightstand?  I haven’t jerked off all week.  It’s not like I haven’t been horny; when I’ve been around Cam and Liam, I’ve definitely had fleeting urges.  But by the time I get home, the desire has evaporated.  All the other crap going has quickly pushed away thoughts of sex. 

The idea of something stretching my hole and buzzing away inside excited me.  When I used it before, it was almost as good as the real thing.  I could really use a release after this relentless week from hell.

Thankfully, I thought better of it.  Stuffing your mom’s vibe up your butt is wrong on so many levels.  I’m still guilty that I did it at all when I was so mad at her after the S.N.O.  debacle. 

Out of curiosity or boredom, I opened her drawer anyway.  Damn, the dildo is gone.  She couldn’t possibly know I used it, right?  I don’t know how I’d face her if she did.

Once I processed its absence, I noticed something else: my phone!

The desire to grab it and relieve my boredom and loneliness is intense.  She’d never know.  All I’d do is catch up.  It’s harmless.

Before I could act, I heard Liam’s voice in my head — do the right thing.

Then I imagine what Craig would think.  He’d never find out, but still, he would be disappointed.  So would Mom.  He, Bob, and Mom have all said I have to earn back their trust.  Sneaking my phone, even if I can get away with it, isn’t honorable.

I closed the drawer before giving in to temptation.  Out of curiosity, I checked the other drawer and Rick’s old nightstand.  I’m not going to use it, but I am curious where her vibrator is.  It’s not there. 

Shit!  Now I’m really getting worried.  Did Mom hide it because she somehow figured out I used it?  Or maybe she is worried I would?  I know I cleaned it thoroughly.

I’m probably just being paranoid, but how weird.

***

After chores, I crashed on the couch and began to read.  I need to stop soon and get ready for gymnastics.  Mom told me she’d be home early to take me. 

Damn, there’s a knock at the door and I’m still lounging in my underwear.  I’m sure it’s probably some stupid door-to-door salesman I can ignore.

The next knock is much louder.  “Max!”

I jump to attention.  Even muffled, I know Craig’s voice.  I don’t bother putting on clothes for him.

“What are you doing here?” I tentatively ask.  I was so disrespectful last night; he’s bound to still be irritated.

“You didn’t get my text on your watch, I guess.”

I never pulled it out of my backpack.  To be honest, it’s probably not even charged at this point.

He checked something on his phone.  “Your location hasn't updated in 11 hours, and it says the battery is at two percent, which means your Gizmo is dead,” he said.  “I thought your mother and I were clear that you need to be responsible and show you can be trusted.  That includes taking good care of your belongings.”

I gulped.  Shit.  “Sorry.  I didn’t even think about it since I was staying home.”

Craig pursed his lips.  “I understand you're getting reacquainted, but you are 14.  You shouldn’t have to be nagged, especially if you’re trying to earn back your actual phone.  Would it be easier to remember if you wore it?”

Mild panic set in.  Craig is the only reason I haven’t had to wear the damn thing to school.  If I’ve let him down already, and he pushes it, there’s no way I’ll get out of it.

“No sir.  I promise I’ll be better about it,” I mumbled.  “Please don’t make me.”

“Fair enough.  We all make mistakes, but consider this your warning,” he replied, smiling.  “Anyway, pack some clothes.  I’m taking you to gymnastics, then you're staying over.  I have your first set of chores lined up for tomorrow.”

“What?  Really?”  My ears perked at this development.

“If you’d rather, I could come back and get you in the morning.  But the chores are not an option and we’re starting early.  If I don’t have to detour here, you’ll be able to sleep in later.”

He’s misunderstanding my reaction.  I don’t mind chores, I’m actually happy.  After last night, I expected him to still be angry.  My actual father would be.  Instead, he’s bringing me to stay at his house.  It’s practically a mini-vacation.

“What?  No!  I want to come.  It’s just a surprise and I —”

“Thought I was going to hold a grudge?” he asked. 

I started to get misty, causing Craig to pull me toward him.  “That’s not how it works with me.  I can be disappointed in your behavior, which I have been, but I’m not going to withhold love or affection,” he explained, patting my butt.  “Now, go get your things.  We can drop them at my house before heading to the gym.”

***

On the drive, Craig suddenly turned down the radio.  “I have a thought I want to run by you.”

“Okay.”  My interest is piqued.

“I know you and Noah are on the outs.  Would it help if I asked Adam to send him along tomorrow? 

I hesitated.  On one hand, Craig would probably tell us both to stop being idiots and that would be the end of it.  But what if it isn’t?  What if it just makes things worse?  He definitely took Noah’s side last night, and if I feel like I’m being ganged up on, I might get pissy and lash out again. 

“I dunno,” I finally say, softly.

“You’d rather work things out yourselves.  I respect that.  I didn’t plan to fix anything, I just thought if you spent some time —” 

I winced.  “I appreciate you trying to help, but I’d rather not.  He’d refuse, anyway.”  Mostly, I’m worried it will be super awkward.  Also, if I’m being completely honest, I’m feeling a little territorial.  I want MY time with Craig.

“Okay.  I can tell you’re uncomfortable with the idea.  So you know, I’m still going to speak with him later this weekend.”

“Whatever, just please don’t make it seem like I put you up to it.”  I don’t want to come across as pathetic in addition to everything else. 

Craig laughed.  “Don’t worry.  I know better than to make it look like you sent me.” 

***

At the gym, Bob and Craig were having an intense conversation before Craig motioned their departure. 

Cam smirked, shaking his head in apparent incredulity.  Shit!  After getting caught at the cabin, there’s no way they’d be so reckless as to fool around anywhere publicly, but it’s obvious that’s where Cam’s mind went.

***

Craig and Bob returned just before we wrapped up.  Cam gave Craig a side hug, but saved his real affection for me.  “See you Monday.”

Craig and I grabbed Chinese.  Craig, being a complete smartass, congratulated me on staying in the restaurant and actually finishing my beef and broccoli. 

In between his ribbing, he explained tomorrow's project.  Kim’s Mom had her old fence ripped out and the backyard needs serious attention.  Brush needs to be cleared and bushes trimmed.  I grinned at his characterization.  I like to keep my little bush neatly trimmed, too.

On the way home, Craig informed me he has something he wants to discuss at bed time.  “Don’t worry, you’ve done nothing wrong… today,” he teased, tickling my sides.

I, of course, broke into a fit of giggles.  That’s a relief.  I’m not sure what he has on his mind, but if it means cuddling with Craig, I’m all in.

***

I showered quickly and threw on shorts and a tee.  Craig suggested we stay up and watch a movie since it’s the weekend.  He reminded me we will not be sleeping in, as he wants to leave the house by eight. 

“Have you seen Stand by Me?”  Craig asked, thumbing through his ancient collection of DVDs like it’s still 2005 or something.  “It’s my favorite movie.”  

I laughed a little.  Of course he likes that movie — for the same reason I do.  Chris is hot af, and Gordie is alluring as well.  Chris reminds me of Cam, and now that I think about it, Gordie has a Liam-vibe, at least personality-wise.

“Of course, duh!  It’s great.  Even my dad would let me watch it with him,” I shared.  I’m not sure why I invoked him, but it was also one of his favorites, go figure.  It’s a rare positive memory I have of spending time with him. 

“Actually, I just watched it a few weeks ago, right after we got back and…”  I didn’t finish.  It was when Cam and I were broken up and I was home, drowning in boredom and dread.  I watched until the solemn scene with Chris and Gordie and turned it off because it made me too emotional.

“It’s a Broadway musical now, you know.  There’s actually a traveling production coming to Minneapolis, if you’re interested,” he enthusiastically shared.  Seriously, he lit up.  He must like this movie more than even my old man.  “But, we can watch something else.  How about Princess Bride?  That’s like my second favorite movie.  It has the same director.”  

Craig can read my mind, or at least my face, because he quickly reassured me.  “And don’t worry, it’s not a chick flick.  The title is misleading.  It’s hilarious.”  

I nodded.  I’m up for whatever he is; I just want to spend time together.  Besides, this is the first TV I’ve watched in a week, since getting in trouble.  But, Mom did say my grounding doesn’t include Craig.

“You’ll love it.  Otherwise, I’ll throw you into the fire swamp!” he added.

“Huh?”

“Just a line from the movie.  You’ll see.”

“It doesn’t matter to me.”  I’d watch anything if it means I get to do it on the couch with Craig.  “Something I haven’t seen would be good.”

“As you wish,” he declared, loading it into the Blu-ray player.

Kim sat in her recliner right after the opening credits.  “Oh lord, you’re torturing him with this?” she asked, shaking her head.  “I thought you loved Max.  I know he got in trouble, but forcing him to give up his Friday for this ridiculousness might be a violation of his Eighth Amendment rights.”

Craig feigned exasperation.  “She might be the only person on the planet who doesn’t appreciate the rich nuance of the characters and the cleverness of this classic.”

“It’s so dumb,” Kim groaned.  I can practically hear the roll of her eyes.

“It’s not dumb.  You just don’t appreciate subtle humor,” he replied, turning to face me.  “It’s a good thing we already had our kids by the time I learned she hated it.  Otherwise, it might have been grounds for divorce.”

“My taste didn’t used to be so discerning.  I chose you, after all, and you’re a man child,” she said, offering him a peck before leaning down to give me a goodnight hug.  “I’ve got a book to read that isn’t mind-numbing.”

With Kim hunkering down in their room, I eagerly crawled directly into Craig’s lap.

***

Throughout the movie, I pondered Craig’s plans for our bed time convo.  Once Kim excused herself, I nearly asked, but didn’t want to interrupt one of his favorites.  I know he’s seen this thing 50 times, but it’s clear he loves it.  He laughs before the lines are even spoken.

For the record, Craig is right.  It’s hilarious and fun.

When the movie was over, he ushered me to brush my teeth.  He always insists I do it for two full minutes, like he’s a damn dentist or something.  But, it shows he cares so I don’t mind the nagging.

I had just fallen into the bed when he turned on the lamp.

He pulled the blankets over my torso, tucking me in.  I love sleeping at Craig’s.  It’s nothing against her, but he just does it better than Mom.  She’s stuck with me and has to offer unconditional love — he chooses to.  I’m his boy and this is a perk.  It’s just us.

“What are we going to talk about?” I asked.

Craig paused, apparently conflicted about whether to tell me.

“It’s about Chad.  Things have progressed quickly.”

“Oh?” After losing his shit on me for chatting with Chad last weekend, I’m taken aback Craig is bringing him up at all. 

“Bob’s people scheduled a meeting for next week,” Craig said, patting my rapidly-bouncing knee through the covers. 

“They did?”

“Yes, he’s in for quite the surprise.  He thinks he’s coming to talk about listing a house.  Instead, he’s going to be presented with everything Bob’s people know,” Craig shared.  It’s obvious he is uncomfortable discussing this.  I’m sure he’s concerned I’ll freak out like at the pizza place.  It’s nice he cares so much.  “Apparently, they used the account Cam set up to gather more evidence.  The truth is, they could put him away if they wanted to.  Not just for the sex stuff either, some of his business dealings are shady as hell.”

“Wow.  I didn’t think it would happen so fast.  I just wish I could watch when he realizes how fucked he is.” 

“That might actually be possible,” Craig said, smiling.  “You aren’t allowed anywhere near the meeting, of course, but they do intend to record it, as insurance.  Once they lay everything out, they’ll give him an ultimatum.  If he doesn’t comply with their demands, they’ll proceed with contacting the authorities, his clients, and wife.”

My heart beat began to race.  “What?!  I thought they weren’t going to turn him in!”  

I’m anxious.  Mom cannot find out.  Finding out what he did to me would break her.  She would be inconsolable.  And the last thing I want is to go in for some interview with a detective and relive our rendezvous.  And while I don’t know Brett at all, I don’t want him going through the shit I did with my dad.

“Relax, I said ‘if.’  He will take the easy way out; his life would completely shatter if he doesn’t.  Given the amount of evidence, they are asking very little of him.  Frankly, it’s better than he deserves.”

“Like what?”  I wonder what they’re going to force on him.  I wish they could make him lick up his own piss-soaked jizz, like he did me. 

“First and most important: never contact you or Cam again.  Another is to steer clear of Brett, and anyone underage for that matter.  There’s been some talk of a… settlement.  Anything else they should add?”

I thought for a moment.  “Well, Ashley does have a little brother.  He needs to stay away from him, too.  And it would be nice if I didn’t have to worry about him showing up at some random school thing.”

“That’s good.  I’ll add it,” he said, typing a note on his phone.  “Mostly, I want to reassure you this sordid affair is about to be over.  It’ll be taken care of, for good.  You have enough things to worry about.  This needs to stop being one of them.”

“Thanks.  I don’t want to make a scene in public again.”

Craig cocked his head and stared at me, deep in thought.  Whatever he’s mulling, he finally mumbled “I wonder” to himself.  That didn’t clarify.

“What?”  I asked.  Craig is acting weird.  He’s scratching his chin and everything.

“What if you recorded a message or wrote a letter?  They could share it as part of their presentation.”

I’m uncomfortable with the thought, but see his point.  I just wish it would all go away, that I could go back in time and slap myself silly for ever going on Grindr.  I hate having to think about the single biggest mistake of my life, and how Brett could be at serious risk.

But, if Craig thinks it’s important, I’m willing to face my fears.  “I can do that,” I acquiesced timidly.  “I’ll write something.” 

Craig rubbed my back.  “I know it’s unpleasant to think about, but it would be more powerful if it was read in your own voice, with emotion.  A video would be most impactful, if you’re comfortable doing that.”

I exhaled deeply.  “Okay.  I can do it tomorrow after the yard work.”

“Good.  Don’t hold back.  Tell him how you really feel, unload your anger, disgust, whatever, just make it real,” he suggested.  He’s always passionately advocated for me to express myself.  “Come to think of it, I could share how it affected you from an adult point-of-view.  I can come get you in a day or two and we can finalize things.  That sound reasonable?”  

I’m not sure.  I know we’re trying to teach him a lesson, but I cringe at the idea of being spoken about like I’m a case study or source of pity.

Still, I nod.  It sounds important to Craig, and honestly, he really does know better.  Even when it’s effing annoying.  “So that’s what you and Bob were talking about at the gym?”

“Yup.  We went to find a quiet place to have a stiff drink.  It’s not something you can talk about with nosy moms nearby.”

I laughed, remembering what Cam thought they were up to.  “What?” he asked.

“Cam thought maybe you guys were going to, well… you know.”

“Oh geez,” he muttered quasi-defensively.  “Too soon.  That was scarring for all of us,” he added, shuddering.  “No sir, we did not.  Tell Cam to get his mind out of the gutter about his father.”

“I will,” I answered.  “I’m glad you were just talking, otherwise it might have made me jealous.”  I’m teasing him, but there is a little truth to it.  I know it’s not going to happen again, but if it did, I wouldn’t mind.  Honestly, I’d love it.  I crave Craig’s touch. 

Dammit, I can feel my boner coming alive.

“Right,” he replied, with a little laugh.  “If it’s any consolation, Bob doesn’t appreciate a good cuddle like you do.  Would you like me to stay a while?”

That warm feeling inside of me is spreading.  I was hoping he’d ask.  I pulled the covers back and patted the mattress.  Craig turned off the lights and climbed in beside me.

He hugged me from behind and gently kissed my forehead.  I squeezed his arm and held it tight against my torso.  This is what I need, to be held by a man.  Not Mom, not even Cam, but a dad who loves me and makes me feel safe and loved and worthy.  

I exhaled deeply, letting go of my angst and worry.  It’s been such a long week.  “I wish we could do this all day.  Or at least every day.”

Craig rubbed my arm.  “I’d like nothing more.  But it wouldn’t feel as special if we did it all the time.”

“Nuh uh!”  I protested.  “This is the best part of my week.  There’s no such thing as too many Craig Cuddles.”  That caused him to laugh.

I’m not sure why, but I told him about hanging out and talking with Mr. Tim.

“Is it weird I kinda wish we could cuddle, too?”  I asked.  “I know we can’t and I’d never ask, but I really like him.  And no, not like that,” I said, making sure to clarify.  Tim is handsome enough but I don’t think of him like that.  “He gets me and makes me feel good when I’m down.”

Craig didn’t respond right away.  I guess I threw a lot at him.

“Is it typical for an eighth-grade boy to want to snuggle the school disciplinarian?  No, probably not,” he finally answered.  “But I do think a lot of kids your age, boys included, still privately seek out affection and physical reassurance from adults?  Absolutely.  You might enjoy it more than most, but I don’t think it’s rare.”

That’s probably true.  I do like cuddling more than I imagine any of my friends do.  Does that mean I’m insecure or something?  Of course, if he’s right and it’s actually common in private even though no one talks about it, maybe not. 

“I wonder if it ever occurred to Chad to do that.  Or if he just wanted to be mean and get off.” 

Craig squeezed me.  “This thing with Chad will be all over soon.  I promise,” he said soothingly.  “I told you we’d figure something out to deal with him.  A few more days, and it’ll be all behind you.”

I nestle myself further against him.  His warmth envelopes me, as does his familiar scent.  I soak it in and relax.  I’m out before I can say goodnight.

*** 

My alarm had me out of bed by seven.  It was jarring, but I need to be up and ready to go.  The last thing I want is for Craig to have to drag me out of bed and wait.  I owe him that much.

I know I’ll need one after working all day, so I didn’t bother to shower.  I slathered on some deodorant, brushed my teeth, and threw on old clothes.  To my surprise, no one else has stirred.

I fixed myself a bowl of cereal and was sitting at the table when Craig stumbled out in his underwear.  The sight of me seemed to catch him off guard. 

Craig rubbed his eyes.  “What are you doing up?” he asked groggily.  “I just came out to get some coffee.  I, uh, didn’t expect anyone to be up.”

It’s funny to me that he’s embarrassed about being in his undies, considering what we’ve done and he sees me mostly (or fully) nude with regularity. 

I gave him a good morning hug.  “I wanted to be ready,” I said.  “And I can’t believe you're shy at being caught half-naked.”

He grinned.  “I do suppose that’s silly, given everything.”  He ruffled my hair and dropped a pod into the Keurig.  “I’ll get dressed and make us a real breakfast.  That cereal isn’t going to hold you over until lunch.  Even then, maybe we can get started even sooner than planned.”

I love how, even though he’s tired and I’m grounded and being made to do manual labor, Craig still cares enough to go to the effort of making a real, hot breakfast.

***

The yard work was exhausting.  We pulled out overgrown bushes and cleared a lot of brush and weeds.  I work out five or six days a week, but this still left me sore.  I guess I was using different muscles.  It wasn’t even that hot, but Craig was really feeling it.  He’s in pretty good shape (for an old guy), but I could tell he was exhausted.  Kim’s mom made him stop a couple times and rest.  I kept at it, although I did shuck my shirt.  I want to help him, and for him to see I’m working hard to earn the trip to Europe. 

Kim’s mom is super sweet.  She made a fuss over me several times, commenting on my work ethic, manners, and how ‘cute’ I am.  It’s clear Kim (or Craig) have mentioned me a lot, which makes me feel good.  I wonder if they told her I’m gay, because I kept expecting her to say something cringey like ‘I bet you have to beat the girls off with a stick,’ but she never did.  Her cookies and lemonade were on point.

As I worked, I pondered how to confront Chad.  I thought of a few good lines, but I’m not sure how to begin.  I wonder if I should tell him about my own father?  I’m not really sure what that solves, but it seems relevant somehow.  Like he should know how fucking lucky he is I know exactly what Brett would go through, and if I didn’t, he’d probably already be locked up.

By the time we leave, I have a basic outline but nothing concrete.  I know Craig will help if I ask him, but part of me feels like I need to do this on my own.

***

We got back to Craig’s about two after stopping at Chipotle.  Kim left a note that she went shopping with a friend and would be back after dinner.  We were both starving and made quick work of our bowls before heading off to shower.

“Do you want to, um, conserve water and go together?”  I asked tentatively.  I know the answer, and I shouldn’t ask, but I just like being close and bonding and stuff with him.  “I’m not trying to start anything, I swear.”

Craig gave me a look.  I know what that means.  No dice.

“I’d like nothing more, but it’s not a good idea and would be inappropriate, even though there’d be no touching.”

I looked down, embarrassed.  “Yes sir.  Just a thought it might save on the water bill.”  Okay, I know that’s lame, but it’s technically true, right?

Craig rolled his eyes and tickled me.  “Go get cleaned up, little boy.  You stink,” he said, giving me a playful swat.  Well, if he’s going to be like that, I’m going to strip right in front of him.  So, I did.

While the hot water feels good on my sore muscles, I don’t want to squander my remaining time with Craig, so I finished quickly.  I was about to put on a fresh pair of trunks when I heard Craig’s shower still going, and a mischievous thought crossed my mind.

I’m feeling a little feisty, so I snuck into his bathroom and flushed the toilet.  I assumed that would cause the shower temperature to jump like it does at my house.

“Ack!” he yelled.  “What the hell?”  

Yep.  It works at Craig’s too.  This, of course, made me laugh.  “See, I told you we should have taken our shower together.”

Craig poked his head out.  “Boy, I’m going to beat you for being so insolent.  He looked surprised when he noticed I’m still completely naked.

“You have to catch me first, old man,” I teased, throwing open the curtain completely.  It’s been a while since I’ve seen Craig naked.  Sure, he’s hairy and has a dad bod, but I don’t mind.  It feels nice pressed against you.

“Okay, you’ve had your fun.  Go get dressed.”

“Kim is gone, we have the house to ourselves, we’re both guys.  I wanna have naked time like when I was little.  Puh-wease?”  I whined.  I made sure to give him my best pleading eyes.  Those usually make him melt.

He dried his hair with the towel and stepped out.  “Kim could get home at any time.  I’m sorry, but the answer is no.  The same rules apply here as at your house.  Undies are a minimum outside of your room or the bathroom.”

I folded my arms.  “You’ll have to dress me yourself, then.”

Craig ignored me and pulled up his own underwear and shorts, before slipping on a polo.

“Now, Max,” he pleaded.

I ignored him.

He… he actually picked me up, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to my room before flopping me on the bed and tossing a pair of underwear at me.

Damn, he’s serious.  Grudgingly, I put them on.

“I know you’re just fooling around, but there’s no way Kim would understand if she came home and saw us running around in the buff.”

I suddenly feel bad.  “I’m sorry.  I was just trying to be playful.”

He ruffled my hair.  “I know, but I’m serious.  We can’t take risks, and honestly, we shouldn’t push temptation.  Please don’t make it any more difficult for me than it already is.”

It wasn’t until now that I noticed the bulge in Craig’s shorts was pronounced.  He’s aroused.  That pit in my stomach exploded.  I didn’t think about how difficult it is for him to see me nude.  He must be able to tell I feel guilty, because he reassured me.

“I love that you’re so comfortable around me, and I know you never had that with your dad when you were younger, but we have to be appropriate.  I don’t want to do anything that puts at risk what we have.  Understand?”

I leaned into him.  “Yes sir.  I wasn’t thinking.  I’m sorry.”

Ugh.  I hate that I’m so impulsive sometimes.

I yawned.  “Can we take a nap together, at least?  I’m tired.”

“Absolutely.”

***

I’m not sure how long I was out, but when I woke up, I was alone in bed.  I pulled on a pair of shorts and headed downstairs.

Craig had his laptop on the kitchen table.  “I thought you could type out your message to Chad.  It will be easier than writing it by hand.”

I sat down and let out a heavy sigh.  “It doesn’t have to be perfect,” Craig said.  “Get some ideas down and I can help with any finishing touches, if you want.”  He squeezed my shoulder.  “Just write how you feel.”

“Okay,” I answered. 

“I’ll leave you be.  I’ll be in the office.  Just call if you need me.”

***

I started typing.  “Dear Chad… It’s me Max, the boy you took advantage of several weeks ago.”

Just starting to write let loose a flood of emotions: anger, sadness, anxiety, shame.

“I wish I could be there to see you squirm,” I wrote.  The thought of him getting put in his place makes me happy.  I can’t believe it’s all going to be done soon.  I added how it would be fair to watch him be afraid, given how scared I was when he first pressed his huge cock against my small butt.  As I thought about how he didn’t stop when I made it obvious it hurt like a motherfucker, I began to get really pissed.

My therapist Jan had me write a letter to my dad once, explaining how his behavior affected me.  She said it would help get my feelings out, and it did.  She told me I could send it or not, and I chose not to, but I remember it made me feel good to get everything down, so I did the same for Chad.

I wrote how our hook-up affected me: I couldn’t sit at school and got in trouble, how it made me think of sex differently — that it could be bad — and especially how anxious I am that he might show up.

I shared how things could have been different.  I mean at the beginning of our time together, I was having fun.  But then he went too far and completely disregarded my feelings and suffering.  Then, he humiliated me and had the audacity to enlist my help to convert his son.

I told him I’d had sex with other men and enjoyed it, so it could have been good with him, too.  Hell, had he been a little more patient, I might have even enjoyed a repeat.  But the denigration, lack of caring about me afterwards, and bringing up Brett ruined it all.  I tried my best to explain that.

I also described how lucky he is that I experienced my father’s shit.  I explained that I don’t want Brett or his wife to go through what Mom and I did… and how I don’t want to go through explaining it all to the authorities.

“You okay?” Craig asked.  I hadn’t noticed him enter the room. 

“Huh?  What?” I asked.  I wiped my eyes.

“You seem upset.  Do you need a break?”

“No sir,” I answered.  “I think I’m about done.  Can you edit it for me?”

Craig stood over my shoulder.  “I’d rather you not mention you’d had sex with other adults,” he commented when he got to that part.  “I’m not sure it’s relevant.  The point is, your encounter with him might have been better but he ruined it.”

That makes sense.  I quickly deleted the line.

“This part is good,” he said, pointing to the section where I told how his encounter affected me.  He continued to read, nodding his head.  “You’re a good writer, Max.”  Craig complimenting me always makes me feel good.  His approval means the world to me.

When he finished, he suggested I remove the part where I say I don’t want to involve the police.  “Remember, that’s one of the things we’re threatening him with.  You can’t admit you’re not willing to do that, or he won’t believe it.”

“Good catch,” I replied and quickly changed it.  “It still doesn’t feel quite finished.  But I’m not sure what else to say or how to make it read better.  It seems kind of clunky.”

“Hmm.  It is a little disjointed.  Would you like me to try to touch it up a little?”

“Yes, please,” I answered.  I’m honestly tired of thinking about it.

“Go relax on the couch.  I’ll let you know when I’m done and you can look it over,” he suggested gently.

***

I was almost back asleep when Craig nudged me.  He brought the laptop into the living room so I could read the edited version.  He hadn’t changed any content, but did fix some transitions and it reads smoother.

“I like it,” I said.  I want to be finished.

“Do you think you can read it while I record?  I’ll send it to Bob.”

“Yes, but can we take a break first?”  I’m not certain about being recorded.  I almost asked if we could just send the letter instead, but I know Craig really wants Chad to hear my voice.  I’m just afraid I won’t sound upset enough.

“Sure.  How about we walk down to the park and back.  I’ll bring a football and we can toss it around.  We just need to come back and finish before Kim gets home.”

***

It’s been ages since I played catch.  Noah and I used to do it a lot, but we got to where we mostly played basketball, since that’s his sport.  Lately, we mostly play something else, or we did when we were still friends.  It’s fun, throwing the ball with Craig.  Everything's better with him.

We returned home about an hour later, and I’m in better spirits.  Playing outside helped.  I don’t know tons about football, but I still made some nice catches, even diving a few times.  It was enjoyable, but now I need another shower.

“Ready to get this over with?”  Craig asked, as he set up a tripod to hold his phone.

I sat at the table with the laptop in front of me.  I read through it twice out loud.  “That sounds good, just remember to look at the camera and let your emotions come through.”

I took two deep breaths.  “Ready.”  

Craig hit record and I read:

“Chad, 

Hi.  It’s Max.  You know, that eighth grader you decided to take advantage of a few weeks ago.

Part of me wishes I could be there to see you squirm, like I did when you hurt me and just kept doing whatever felt good for you.  Mostly though, I’m scared of you and don’t want to lose my shit again.  Besides, my adopted dad won’t allow it.  He always knows what’s best for me and loves me no matter what.  You could learn a lot from him.

We both might have had a fun time when we met, but you took it way too far.  I know I said I’m into being told what to do, which I guess I sorta am, but dude… come on.  I’m a kid and the stuff you made me do, and the pleas you ignored, were too much.  I even got in trouble at school because of you.  You were so rough, I couldn’t sit in class.

I never knew sex could be bad until I met you.  You ruined it for me, maybe forever.  I was in a deep funk.  I hate myself for being so stupid, but you deserve blame too, for using me.

My biggest fear has been running into you at school or something.  I’m paranoid, constantly looking around, almost having panic attacks worried you’ll appear.  Then, just as I was beginning to better control my anxiety, you showed up at Pizza Pit.  The way you glared at me was pure evil.”

I paused.  Remembering my episode after running into him came flooding back.  I kept it together, barely, and noticed Craig looked concerned.  Having him nearby gave me strength. 

“Despite everything, things might have been smoothed over if you apologized or acted like you cared when I was obviously upset.  Instead, you bragged about wanting to rape your own prepubescent son, and use me to break him in.  What the actual fuck was that?  You seriously thought I would help you?  Then you drove me back to Speedway without saying a word, just threw a few bucks at me and tossed me in the parking lot like I was a piece of garbage.

Unfortunately for you, people I trust know how to handle predators.  I hope all the stuff they dug up has you about to piss your pants.  Just like when I lost bladder control while you were brutalizing my butt, and made me lick it up off the bed because you didn’t want to be charged a cleaning fee.”

My voice cracked.  Shit.  I started crying, but I’m going to get through this.  I took a couple of deep breaths, looked at Craig, and continued.

“You caught one break.  My actual father got busted a couple years ago for assaulting some little girls, and now he’s in prison for a long time.  I don't know who it sucked for most: him, his victims, my mom, or me.  It was completely humiliating and messed up our lives.  So luckily for you, I don’t want to put Brett through that if I don’t have to, and I hope he never finds out what you want to do to him.

I’m not sure whether you ever feel guilt or shame about bad things you do to other people, but being so mean and violent and demeaning has caused me problems.  I really hope you learn from this and don’t harm any other boys like you did me — and ESPECIALLY not your own damn kid.”

Once I finished, I felt a huge weight lifted.  My crying intensified, but it was different.  Less sad or scared and more relieved.  Craig wrapped me in his arms and picked me up, holding me against his chest.

“You did great.  If that doesn’t affect him, he really is a total psychopath.” 

***

Craig carried me to the couch and we snuggled in silence for a few minutes.  It’s like I’m seven and he’s consoling me after a bad dream.

“Thanks for suggesting I do that.  I feel better,” I admitted.  “But I’m glad it’s over.”

He stroked my hair.  “It’ll all be over soon and you never have to think about him again.”

“Yeah.  I was dumb, but I’m starting to realize it’s less my fault and more his.  And if he’d do that to me, he could do it to anyone.”

Craig rubbed my back.  “Yes, he’s the problem, not you.  You made a mistake, but you’re still a boy.  He was very intentional about everything he did.”

I pressed my head harder against his chest.

“Can I confess a couple of things?”  I want to tell Craig about finding my phone and not giving in to temptation.

Craig’s body tensed.  “Uh, sure.”

“When I was cleaning the house yesterday, I snooped in Mom’s room,” I said.  “I know it was wrong and I promise I wasn’t going to use it again.  but I was looking for her vibrator.  I couldn’t find it.” 

“Why were you looking for that if you weren’t going to use it?” Craig asked.  I’m not sure he believes me.

“I dunno.  I was cleaning her bathroom.  This week has been so stressful, I haven't masturbated much.  It just popped into my head.  I immediately decided it was a bad idea to use it, but I still looked.”

“You really shouldn’t go through her things.  Parents are allowed to have private stuff, too,” Craig softly reprimanded.  “I don’t want you to do that again.  She can violate your privacy at any time and chooses not to.  Return the courtesy.”

“Yes sir,” I agreed.  It occurred to me he might be concerned I’ve been nosy at his house, too.  “I’ve never snooped in your house.  Or anyone else’s.  Honest.”

“Good.  Anything else?”

“I found my phone.  Even thought about using it.  It’s not like anyone would have ever known.”

He bristled.  “And did you?”

“No!  I thought about it, but I knew I shouldn’t.  I’m trying to do better, and earn back your trust.  That would have been dishonest.”

Craig kissed the top of my head.  “I’m proud of you.  Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking, and that’s what you showed.  It's a sign of maturity and taking your consequences seriously.”  This is just what I was hoping for.  It feels manipulative, but I desperately want Craig to be pleased with me, especially after messing up so much lately. 

“Yeah.  I want to prove to you I’m trying to be good and that I’m sorry for being rude and defiant.  I don’t want you or Mom to be disappointed or to do stuff behind your back.  Minus guy stuff with her, I mean.”

“Good.  That means you’re learning.  Aside from looking in drawers you shouldn’t, you handled temptation maturely,” he said.  “So, is the ‘guy stuff’ exception why you never mentioned Mariah to her?”

“I knew she’d want to talk about it, but it blew up Thursday and then we had our fight.  I felt like crap Friday morning, and you grabbed me to spend the night.  Then all the Chad stuff, I haven’t had a chance,” I tried to explain.  He and I talked about it before our incident, and I know Tim called her, so it’s not like it was hidden.

“I understand.  Mariah sounds like a piece of work.”

“She never was.  I hope she’s okay, because I did kinda lose it on her,” I recalled.  “It’s awkward, knowing Mr. Tim heard about what I said.  Like he isn’t stupid, he knows Cam and I do stuff, but I feel bad he had to think about me like that.”

Craig laughed.  “Yeah, most adults aren’t like me.”

“Maybe that’s why I’ll tell you anything.  You don’t lecture or judge about sex stuff, and treat me like a person even when you’re disciplining me, so I’m willing to tell you anything.  And that keeps me out of really big trouble,” I said, smiling. 

“So, after he warned you, how did you leave it with him?  With everything Thursday, we didn’t really finish.”

“Nothing bad.  He understood but can only turn a blind eye to so much.  Said he called Mom because he has to.  I helped in his office during art and we talked.  About Noah too.”

Craig seemed slightly taken aback but didn’t say anything.  Is it a revelation I trust Tim about Noah, too?

“So, you must have talked to Mom about Mariah, too?”  Ugh.

“She’s fine, just worried about you.  A girl pestering a gay boy isn’t super common, but sexual harassment is serious.  Still, she understands you don’t want to talk about it with your mom, so she’s letting me handle it at this stage.”

That’s a relief.  I don’t want to discuss anything sex-related with her.  “Yeah, it’s embarrassing.  It’s awkward enough about a girl hitting on me, but throw in me talking about liking to suck dick and butt stuff and I can’t imagine how mortified she is.”

“She’s adjusting, but yes, there’s no need to rub anyone’s face in it.  It goes back to our ongoing discussion about being discreet.  This is just another level of that, but I  also understand why you were blunt.”

I closed my eyes.  Even though Craig is very mildly correcting me, he’s so gentle I’m at ease.

“So, can I ask about something private?”  Craig asked tentatively.  “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay.”

Uh oh.  I’m not sure where this is going, since I tell Craig practically everything.  “I, sure?”

“I'm not upset, and it’s okay for you to keep things private, but I was surprised to learn you struggled with wetting the bed when you were younger.”  

Damn.  That wasn’t what I was expecting.  “Oh.  That.  I dunno, it’s just always been something I’ve been insecure about.  It hasn’t happened regularly for a long time, and not at all since we became friends, at least not until this week, and with everything else going on it seemed trivial.  I honestly didn’t even think about it.”

I know I should be annoyed Mom told him, but I’m not.  I shouldn’t be surprised.  Craig is basically my dad and they’re worried about me.  “I wasn’t trying to withhold, it’s just embarrassing.”

“I’m not upset.  I understand your father was always a jerk about it, and you usually feel better after we talk through things.  Accidents happen and you’re still growing.  There’s no shame in it,” he said reassuringly.  “Emma had occasional accidents through middle school, too.  It happens.  I guarantee you aren’t the only one at your school.”

It’s such a contrast, how kind and loving Craig is.  Mom was always understanding, but Rick always berated me for it, like I did it on purpose to spite him.  Maybe that’s why Chad being so mean when I lost bladder control at the motel hit me so hard.  I don’t think I realized the connection until just now.

“Thanks,” I said, leaning my head tighter to his chest.  “I’ve never even told Noah or Cam.  It isn’t like it’s some big secret, it just hasn’t ever come up.”

“You’re allowed to keep things to yourself.  I love that you want to talk with and confide in me, but it’s totally normal for a boy your age to have things he doesn’t want to talk about.  As long as it isn’t a safety issue, that’s your choice.”

We sat there quietly for a minute or so, before I got the nerve to bring up something I’ve been meaning to, but kept delaying because I’m afraid of the answer.

“There’s one other thing I’ve been wondering but felt bad asking about.”

“What’s that?”

I took a deep breath.  “Well, I’ve been a real shit the last week.  Really, the last month or so.  You, Mom, Mariah, Noah…  I guess I’ve wondered if Europe is at risk.  But then I feel like a spoiled, entitled brat worrying about that.”

“Honestly, that never crossed my mind, and your mom never brought it up.  We understand you’re going through some stuff but that normally you really are a very good boy, and it’s a great opportunity,” he said, smiling as he assuaged my concern.  “You’d have to get into continual trouble to have that trip taken away.  You had some moments this week, but you aren’t a delinquent.  Parents expect moodiness out of their middle schoolers.”  He tickled me as he said that last part.

“Besides,” he continued, grinning.  “I want to go to Europe, and Noah will be miserable if you aren’t around.  And it’s very convenient having child labor on demand.” 

I snorted.  “I don’t think Noah would even care at this point.  He’s been pissy and ignored me all week.  He’s probably already arranging for different roomies.”

“Let me ask you something.  Has Noah seemed happy this week?”  Craig asked.

I thought about it.  I don’t think I’ve seen him smile all week, even from afar.  Tim noticed it too, and even Ashley said he’s not himself.  Could he be just as upset as I am?

“I guess not.  Even his girlfriend and Mr. Tim noticed.”

“Like I said, miserable.  And I’m not dealing with Emo Noah for two weeks, so you have to go.  He won’t hold out much longer with this stuff at school.  You’re too close to feud for very long.”

I hope he’s right, but it's also practically a rite of passage to fall out with old friends and move on to new ones.

“You didn’t see the way he walked away,” I said.  I remembered that country song from a few weeks ago that reminded me so much of Cam when we were broken up.

“No, but bud, trust me.  Your brains are high on puberty.  I’m not trying to diminish your very real feelings, but everything feels amplified.  Good and bad.  You’re like brothers, and this isn’t going to last, I promise.”

“He and Jackson are literal brothers and they’ve always fought and aren’t very engaged with each other.”  I know they had that big talk last weekend, but who knows if that will continue. 

He shook his head.  “I never worried about them, not really.  But even then, you and Noah are closer than he and Jackson have ever been.”

“I hope you’re right,” I said, sighing.

“I’ll find out tomorrow.  Kim texted me while we were at her mom’s.  Noah came by this morning looking for me.”

My ears perked.  “He did?” I asked, before realizing the various possibilities.  “Maybe he came to tell you he doesn’t want me to go to Europe or something.”  

Craig frowned.  “Highly unlikely, and besides, that’s not up to him anyway.  He would not want to disappoint me like that,” he replied.  “It’s something else.  Give it time.  Please?”

“Okay,” I answered.  I’m anxious for some reason, but I lean into Dad, which reassures me.

***

Kim came in just as we were getting ready to leave.  She dropped her new found shopping treasures on the floor and went straight towards me.  “Mom says you’re a peach,” she said, giving me a hug.  “She wants to know when you’ll be coming back to visit.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond.  “I dunno.  Whenever there’s more work to do, I guess.”

“Seriously, she wouldn’t stop raving about you.  You made quite an impression.”

“Thanks,” I said sheepishly.  It’s kind of embarrassing.  “Craig was about to take me home.”

“I see.  Well, you need to come back soon.  I’ll pick a better movie that won’t bore you to tears,” she said, needling Craig.  “You know, we should just plan a regular schedule for you to sleep over.  Maybe next time I’ll take you shopping instead of Craig cracking the whip.”

“Sure,” I answered.  I’ll stay at Craig’s as much as they’ll have me.

***

I kept hoping I would hear from Craig on Sunday, but the whole day passed and nothing.  I wonder how his talk with Noah went.  Oh well.  I guess nothing has changed.

***

I’m actually happy to be back to school.  Yesterday was so boring, being home with not much to do.  I avoided Noah but caught up with Jamie, Seb, and Liam during passing time. 

I spent lunch in Mrs. Hickman’s classroom, and showed her an initial draft of my story.  She was positive but had some suggestions, and offered to edit as I continue to flesh it out.

The last week or so has completely sucked, but Liam’s advice to focus on the positive and find joy in little things has helped.  I’ve always liked PE; it’s fun, especially compared to the more intense workouts I’m accustomed to for gymnastics.  Since I’ve been grounded, it’s really the only time I get to play with other kids.  The weather is cooperative, so we’re outside today.  The sun feels nice.

Liam and I jogged together during warm ups.  I couldn’t help but admire his bubble butt as he ran.  His shorts really set it off.  Is it bad I intentionally dropped behind him a pace or two so I could watch it jiggle? 

God, I’m hard again.  Maybe grownups make a big deal about kids having sex not because it’s harmful to our development, but because suddenly going without is fucking miserable when you’re in the horniest part of life.

Once assembled on the field, Coach B addressed everyone.  “You can choose between flag football, basketball, or walking the track.  Once you make a decision, it’s set.  There will be no back and forth nonsense.”

As good middle schoolers, everyone glanced at their friends for direction.  One group of guys hightailed it to the basketball court and another to the field.  Most of the girls wandered to the track.

I suck at basketball, and honestly, it reminds me too much of Noah.  As hard as I’ve been pushing it at the gym, I’d be content walking the track and chilling.  But Liam loves football, and he flashed me ridiculous puppy dog eyes, so I couldn’t resist.  Plus, I just practiced on Saturday with Craig, so I hopefully won’t embarrass myself.

“You can be on my team.  It’ll be fun.”

As the teams broke off and attached our flags, Liam took charge and assigned positions.

“Max is fast, so he’ll be a good running back,” Liam suggested, turning to me.  “When we’re on defense, you can DB.”

“Dee what?”  It’s not like I hate football, but I don’t watch it every Sunday, either.

A couple of the other guys snickered.  Liam shot them a look, and they immediately stopped.  Interesting. 

“Just line up across from a receiver on the weak side and try to stop them from making a reception.”

“‘Weak side’?” I asked.  I’ve heard the term before, but I don’t know what it actually means.

Dominic, a short Hispanic boy with a shitty attitude, rolled his eyes.  He always acts like he’s better than everyone, but I’ve never really interacted with him personally.  “What a walking stereotype,” he said, contemptuously.  “Come on Liam, do we really have to play with the token fag?”

A month or two ago, a comment like that might have crushed me.  Today?  My vision narrowed.  “Whatever, man.  At least I get my dick wet.  You’re just jealous because I can bench press your bigoted ass.”

There were hoots and hollers and a comment about a “sick burn.”  Dominic turned beet red.  Sorta, his darker complexion mostly masked it.  “Don’t come anywhere near my ass, bitch.  It’s an exit only.”

A couple of the other guys laughed, but Liam got right in his face.  He may not cuss, but damn.  He can be intense when he wants.

“Get out,” Liam demanded, pointing to the other end of the field.  “Go!  NOW, or I’ll lay you out like I did a few weeks ago.  Another concussion and your season’s over.”

To my surprise, Dominic didn’t say anything.  Fuming, he skulked away to the other huddle.  Just like that, Liam ejected him from the team.  It was so hot.  I could feel myself starting to bone again.

“Does anyone else have a problem with Max?”  Liam asked.  No one responded.  “Good.  Max, maybe you should play safety.  Stay back and cut off anyone carrying the ball.  Cover anyone who goes deep.”  I nodded, and suppressed laughing at his unintentional innuendo.

***

We started on offense, and after a couple of plays, they decided to pass it to me.  “Swing out of the backfield to the right.  The receivers can take everyone deep and Vaughn will hit you on the run.”

I wasn’t expecting much, but ended up scoring a touchdown!  Vaughn’s pass was behind me and I had to spin and haul it in with one hand.  It was a sweet catch and I made my way up field.

Dom ran toward me, grinning like I’m easy prey.  Well, fuck him.  Just as he neared, I leaned to the left and quickly spun right.  He missed me entirely, and ended up on the ground.  I darted to the end zone, where I was mobbed by Liam and the rest of the team. 

“Let’s go!  Dude, that was such a crazy juke.  You left Dom on his ass!”  Braxton fawned, even smacking my butt.  That’s new.  “Epic!”

“Yeah man, you were blazing down the field.  Nobody could keep up,” Liam added.  “And dude, that catch!”

Vaughn jumped on my back.  “You just sprinted like 40 yards and aren’t even winded.  Such a beast!”

Is my athleticism really a revelation?  I guess it isn’t usually on display at school.  People see muscles, but maybe they just assume I’m strong and not fast or agile?

I’m not big on being the center of attention, but after Dominic was a dick, it feels good getting accolades from the other guys.

Unfortunately, my buzz was short lived. 

We were four or five plays into being on defense when Dominic caught the ball and rushed toward me.  I was crouching, waiting to read and react, when he launched into me and I felt a searing pain in the middle of my face.  I crumpled to the ground and heard him laugh.  “Gotcha, fag!”  I felt a loogie land on my arm.  Gross. 

“Max!  Crap, are you okay?”  I heard Liam yell from a distance.

“Romero, what is wrong with you?  I saw that!  You threw your forearm intentionally, right at his face, then spit on him!” Coach Bremerton screamed.  “Get to the office RIGHT NOW!”

I noticed several legs surrounding me.  “We all saw too, Coach.”

“I’m sure security will want to talk to you.  If you witnessed that, head in to write a statement,” Coach replied, kneeling beside me.  “Coleman, are you okay?  Do I need to call for the nurse or can you get up?”

Oh Jesus.  That’s the last thing I need, a whole scene where I’m wheeled away in front of everyone.  “I'm fine.  It’s just a nosebleed,” I said, wobbling but managing to stand.  This is so embarrassing.  “It’s no big deal.”

“Tell that to your face,” someone said.  “There's blood everywhere.”

“Liam, please walk Max to the clinic.”

“Coach, seriously, that’s not necessary.  It’s not like my nose is broken; I just need some tissues.”

“Sorry, it’s protocol for any kind of head injury.”

I sighed.  I’m sure it looks worse than it is, but I looked down and saw red splotches all over my shirt.

“Can I at least go to the locker room first, to change?”

“Fine, but be quick.  I’m calling the office on the radio, so they’ll be expecting you.”

***

I yanked off my shirt as I exited the field.  I immediately regretted that choice, because a gaggle of girls started screeching in response.  I didn’t process their inane chatter but I feel like a piece of meat.  And they say boys are bad.  It’s like girls have never seen abs before.

“Max, wait up.  Coach B wants me to escort you.”

I stopped, holding my ruined gym shirt up to my nose and pinching.  I’m no stranger to nosebleeds, so I learned long ago how to shut them down.

“Dom’s always a jerk.  It isn’t you,” he tried to reassure me.  “He gets flagged at least once a game for unnecessary roughness or unsportsmanlike conduct.  He thinks he’s tough, but everyone knows he’s just a douche.”

That’s pretty strong language for Liam.  “It sure feels personal,” I responded.  “I didn’t know he was on your team.”

“He isn’t, but he has a reputation.  He has short man syndrome or something.  Always cocky and rude to everyone.”

“He’s a prick.  Even called me a fag when he did it,” I replied, shaking my head.  “Thanks for having my back earlier.  What was that concussion remark you made?”

“Remember when you and Cam asked how my game went a couple of weeks ago?  And I mentioned making a vicious hit?”

“Yeah, vaguely.  No offense, but Cam cares more about football than I do.”

“Well, the tackle was on him.  He caught the ball and I immediately drilled him, which caused him to fumble.  It was clean, but they put him in the concussion protocol.  He couldn’t play the rest of the game.”

“Damn.  Fierce.”  So hot.

“I felt bad.  I checked on him at the end of the game and even tried to apologize, but he completely ignored me, acting like I didn’t exist.”

“Sounds like karma.  Not sure what I did, though,” I said, laughing.

***

It’s weird, being in the locker room alone.  The smell is still pungent but it’s eerily quiet compared to the normal cacophony echoing off the metal and tile.

“Give me your locker combo and I’ll grab your clothes while you clean up,” Liam offered.

“7-28-4”

I looked in the mirror.  I can see why everyone freaked.  There’s a lot of blood caked onto my face.  It’s stopped flowing, but it must have come out gushing at first.  If the nurse wasn’t expecting us, I’d jump into the shower.

I managed to scrub most of it off by the time Liam met me at the sink.  He had changed back into his khaki shorts but was shirtless.

“I figured I’d get dressed while you rinsed off.  Once I get you to the nurse and write my statement, class will be over,” he said, tying his shoes.

“Sure you didn’t just want to hang out with me half-naked?”

He grinned.  “Nah, half is just being a tease.”

I rolled my eyes.  “When I’m ungrounded, you can see everything again,” I replied.  “Hey, I don’t look like a crime scene anymore.”

“You missed a spot,” Liam replied.  He wetted a paper towel and tenderly wiped my face.  It was quite the contrast from his public display of dominance earlier.  “There.  Much better.”

Our eyes locked. 

“You're so cute,” he whispered.  “Is this how Cam does it?”  He rubbed my bare chest and leaned in for a kiss.  What’s happening?

I’m floating.  I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been so sexually-frustrated, or because it’s Liam, but this is… electric.  My whole body is beginning to buzz.

He squeezed my butt, pushing my groin into his.  We’re both completely hard, and basically frotted through our shorts.  He slipped his hand inside my underwear and gently caressed my cheeks.  I instinctively moaned, and tweaked one of his very pert nipples.

He slipped his tongue inside my mouth, which brought me back to my senses.  I pulled away.

“Did I do something wrong?”  he asked, alarmed.

I exhaled deeply.  “No, it’s just… not here, and not without Cam.”

Liam blushed.  “Oh.  My bad.”

“It’s okay, but I can’t get into any more trouble and I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating,” I tried to explain.  “He’s cool with you but wants to play together, you know?  Plus, he’ll be mad if I get a taste before he does,” I added, trying to be funny.  It’s true though: Cam thinks Liam is hot.

He slipped on his shirt.  “That was so inappropriate and disrespectful.  You have a boyfriend and we’re at school, and I didn’t even ask permission,” he said, speaking very quickly, almost to himself.  I’m not sure if he's feeling rejected, embarrassed, or guilty, but his anxiety isn’t necessary.  “I’m sorry.  I can’t believe I did that.  I’m ashamed I put you in such an uncomfortable position.”

I patted his shoulder.  “Liam, chill!  It’s fine.  I’m not upset, honest.  It was nice.  Really nice, actually.  I just don’t want to do anything here.”

He looked at me, then looked away, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.  Guilt hits Liam hard.

“Dude, relax.  When we do this — and we will — I want to take our time and do it right,” I said.  “Rushing to get off at school in some nasty public restroom is not something I’m interested in.  But you definitely are.”

He gave me a weak smile.  “I just really like you, have for years… and being able to act on it a little?  That’s new for me.  I don’t always know how to handle it.”

“I’m really glad we became friends.”  I pulled him in for a hug.  “Where’d you learn to kiss so well?”

He laughed.  “That was my first time.  It was good?”

Damn.  Yes, yes it was.  If anyone ever asked I’d deny it, but if I’m being completely honest, it was more skilled than Cam (or Craig).  I love kissing Cam, but sometimes he uses too much tongue and it’s all slobbery. 

“You have talent.  And we’re absolutely doing it again.”

Liam beamed.  Who doesn’t want their crush to compliment their sexual prowess?

***

The office was a flurry of activity.  I was in and out of the nurse in less than five minutes.  It would have been faster if they hadn’t screened for a concussion.  I get it, but it still feels like overkill.

The nurse thinks the odds are good I’ll have a black eye.  That should be fun to walk around with, but hey, it’s only cosmetic.  She handed me an ice pack.  “Keep this on as much as you can to reduce swelling.”

Mr. Tim caught my attention and motioned for me to join him in the conference room.

“I'm sorry there was more harassment.  Are you okay?”

“Yeah.  It hurt, but was just a bloody nose.  I'm sore but not, like, injured or anything.  I don’t know why everyone is making such a big deal.”

“Because this is a pattern of mistreatment and that’s unacceptable.  Plus, he could have seriously hurt you, the way he targeted your head,” Tim said.  “I shouldn’t tell you this, but between the comment he made before the game and him yelling the slur over you, they’re going to throw the book at him.”

I shrugged.  I don’t want all this.  “Can I just go to class?  It’s not that big a deal.”

“No.  I need you to write a statement.”  He pushed the form and a pencil toward me.  I gave him a look, and he shook his head.  “Sorry Max, it isn’t a request.”

I groaned but complied, though I kept it short.  When I finished, he read it and nodded.

“All the witnesses are saying the same thing.  Dr.  B is pissed.”

I’ve never heard Tim use profanity before, even something mild like that.  He’s agitated.

“They’re going to ask your mom if she wants to press charges.  She’s on her way, by the way.  While you were writing, I popped in to see the nurse.  She told her you’re okay, but you know how moms are, and there was no convincing her not to check on you.”

Awesome.  Things just keep getting better.  If I had my phone I’d call her and tell her to go back to work, but there’s no way I’m pulling my effing Gizmo out in front of Mr. Tim. 

“I’m pretty sure they’re also going to issue you a victim letter.”

Well, that sounds ominous.  “What?”

“It’s used in serious situations where someone is bullied and assaulted.  The school district is legally required to offer you the option to transfer schools, to give you a fresh start somewhere new.”

What the hell?  They are blowing this up way too much.  Dom is a dick, but c’mon. 

“I’m not going anywhere!  This is dumb.  All my friends are here.  You’re here.”  Damn, that last part just sort of slipped out.

Mr. Tim smiled.  “It’s not required.  It just gives parents a choice.”

His radio went off.  “Tim, can you come to the front desk?”

“I’ll be back.  Hang tight.”  He patted my shoulder on his way out.

***

It wasn’t a minute later when Mr. Tim reappeared.  With Noah!

“Noah heard what happened at passing time and demanded to see you.  When they wouldn’t let him, he made a scene and refused to leave, so they called me,” Tim said.  Noah looked sheepish.  “We’ll discuss the tone you took with the office staff later, Mr. Reed.”

Noah blushed.  “I promise I’ll apologize on my way to class.”

“Good plan.  They’re just doing their jobs and don’t deserve to be given a hard time or spoken to disrespectfully.  If they write a referral, my hands will be tied, so smooth it over the best you can,” Mr. Tim reprimanded.  “I’m sticking my neck out, letting you see Max.  They’re going to view it as rewarding bad behavior and I’ll catch grief for it, but under the circumstances, I… understand why you’re so adamant.”

“Thanks for being cool.  And always helping Max.”

Tim smiled.  “Take a minute or two, but then you absolutely have to go.”  He scribbled on a pass and handed it to Noah, before leaving the room.  This is the first time we’ve spoken since our argument and all of the shit last week.

I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just went with the first thing that popped into my head.  “I hope you don’t get into trouble.”

Ugh.  Why does it feel awkward?  That’s disconcerting, because nothing ever feels off with Noah.  He’s… Noah.  This shouldn’t be forced, but it is.

“Whatever.  It’s worth it.  They weren’t going to stop me from checking on you.  It’s all over the halls.”

Great.  Just what I need.  I’m really not interested in being the talk of the school.  “I'm fine.  They’re making a big deal out of everything for some reason.  He’s a dick, but I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.”

“It is a big deal!  The other guys said it was brutal and you had blood gushing everywhere.  You’re lucky you didn’t get hurt, because that’s exactly what he was trying to do.  Everyone is saying it’s a hate crime.”

I laughed, I’m not sure why.  Nerves?  Embarrassment over getting all this unnecessary attention?  The rumor mill exaggerating everything?  Incredulity that everyone is feeding the troll?  I dunno.

“It’s not funny.  Liam said it took all his self-control not to flatten him on the spot, but Coach B was on his ass immediately,” he said.  “I would have.  They could expel me if they wanted, but I’d have fucked him up right there.  I still might.”  

Noah’s attitude catches me by surprise.  Last week he was ignoring me and now he’s ready to pound Dominic.  It’s like we’re best friends again.  I don’t fucking get it. 

“No, you won’t.  He had to take a cheap shot, which means he’s a pussy who won’t do shit.  He isn’t worth it.”

“Word on the street is he was the asshole who did that locker shit.  This isn’t an isolated incident.  He’s targeting you and that’s NOT going to fucking continue.”

Tim said there was a ‘pattern of behavior’ and I assumed they meant people giving me shit, not Dominic specifically.  But, if they’re ‘throwing the book at him’, maybe that’s why.  I thought everyone was going overboard, but if he was the locker culprit, it makes a lot more sense.

Tim stuck his head in.  “Gentlemen, finish up.  Max, your mom and Mr. Peters are signing in.  I’m going to grab them right now.”  Craig is here?

Noah stood and tentatively offered me his fist.  “We good?”

I gave him a look.  He smiled, and came in for a hug.  “We’re good.  Thanks for looking out for me.  Now, about the other thing.  I’m sorry I overreacted.”

He squeezed — hard.  “I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick, too.  I’ll always have your back,” he said, his voice cracking.  “There’s some stuff I need to explain when we are alone.  Trust me, I wasn’t myself last week.” 

So, Craig was right about Noah.  I never should have doubted his instincts.  He always is right, and I’m lucky for it. 

*** End of Chapter 47 ***

Author’s Notes:

Craig's side will be out in a few days.  For everyone wondering wtf has been up with Noah, Craig's side will give you insight into his odd behavior the prior week.