Date: Wed, 2 Dec 2015 10:48:30 +0000 From: James Subject: Month in Marseille- Submission 4 Month in Marseille- submission 4 This is the first half of the day, it's all I had time for. Enjoy. 29th July, 2016 Last night my dreams were horrible and were of course about Hatem. I woke up sweating in the early hours of the morning after I dreamed about his grandparents finding out about me and being exposed in front of everyone as gay and interested in younger boys. Hatem had been the one to announce it, and I was in my school, in front of everyone will Agnès and Jac, along with my parents and friends standing at the back of the room. I was then arrested as the words from Hatem earlier in the day were repeated over and over, "Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off." I sat up and looked at my phone, it was about five in the morning so I rolled over to find my running clothes and slipped them on, still panting from my dream. I quietly walked into the kitchen to grab an apple and a glass of water, before I left through the back door, making sure not to wake anyone. I put my headphones on and found some tracking app on my phone so I wouldn't get lost and so I could find a route to run. I ran at a decent pace, my anger and frustration at what was happening in my life spurring me on until I was almost sprinting towards the city. I had to stop after about a mile at this pace, but it felt good. I really needed this. I sat on a nearby wooden fence and gazed down over the city, lights flickering on as people woke up to restart their weekly working lives. It really is a beautiful sight to see, utter darkness except for the artificial dots of light illuminating the landscape. I took my headphones out to take it all in, although I think the motivational music was helping to make the view so surreal, as if I was part of some dramatic movie where I was the main character traveling the world. My attention switched from my surroundings and back to the problem I was facing back at the house. I should probably point out that I'm not an only child. I have a sister, Isla, and we'd regularly fall out over petty things, but she'd never been as brutal as Hatem was being with me now, and my parents often fought with each other, mainly about pointless things like bills or who should do the dishes after dinner, things that really didn't escalate far beyond a few hour arguments. My parents are completely different, my dad is the boring one, working 24/7 and is a few years older than my mum. Actually, come to think of it, he's about 8 years older than her. That's funny, it really shows how pathetic I'd been saying to Hatem that the two or three year age difference between us was such a problem. I finally understood his frustration. And in the midst of my philosophical thoughts overlooking this picturesque city, it finally clicked. I wasn't bothered about the age difference. I was just too scared to let it be known that I'm gay. Even my dream showed that this was my greatest fear, to be 'outed' as gay. Fuck. It all made sense... This was the moment I decided, that I was going to accept the advances of Hatem. The problem now though, was getting him to forgive me. So I began to run back towards the house and began to think about how to do this, this time fuelled not by anger, but by a new found determination to stop hiding and follow what I really wanted to do. I reached the heavy gates and again quietly opened them and headed into the house, grabbing another glass of water and bringing it back into the garage. I hopped into the shower and quickly washed myself, then came back out to throw on the clothes my dad had given me that I'd have to wear for work, a green shirt with a weird logo of a plant pot and 'Dellow's Gardening' across the back, along with black work trousers with padded knees. I again looked at the time on my phone, and it was now just after seven, so I headed out again into the kitchen, where Jac was stood with two coffee's. He then handed me one of the cups as he saw me. "Thanks Jac." "De rien. So how are you today Lewis?" "I'm fine, a little tired though." "Ahh, you will be tired even more later!" He chuckled. I nodded then said, "What's Hatem doing today?" "I think, he is going with Agnès and me to do our big monthly shop in the city. This reminds me, I will leave a key for you under the plant pot to the left of the back door for when you return." "Oh okay, could you do me a favour and get something for me and I will pay you?." "Sure, what would you like?..." More on that later... It was time to leave, so I picked up my bag of tools and essentials that I'd need for work, and looked at the mini map that Jac had given me to find the first house, which belonged to a young woman called Sarah. I knocked on her door to let her know I was there, and she answered in a long, flowing dress that blew in the summer wind. I know I'm gay, but if I wasn't, I'd be so fucking horny right now. She was so pretty and genuinely looked like a model. We chatted for a few minutes and it turns out she's a student at a university not far from here. She said she wanted her grass cutting and her hedges trimmed, along with her gutters cleaned out. (No euphemisms intended, I really was trimming her hedges and cleaning her gutters.) Before I started, she asked where I was living, and who I was staying with. When I mentioned Jac and Agnès, she seemed fine and said that she knew them. I then told her about Hatem staying there too, and her warm smile dropped and changed into a look more of concern. "Quoi?" I asked. She then told me to be careful, and warned me that Hatem had a reputation around the village. When I asked what for, she just told me that him and his friends were known to cause trouble, and to keep an eye on him. To be honest, I ignored this bit and put it down to Hatem and his friends having a bit of harmless fun. Although I wasn't like this when I was young, I had friends and knew others that got into trouble a lot. Mainly for drugs though, and I doubt this was what she was referring to. I worked for about two hours on her house before moving onto the next house a few miles down the road. It was a distance to walk but I liked the scenery and it was a nice warm and pleasant day. I was told no one was living at the next few houses as they were being prepared to be sold, so I didn't have to make any introductions there. I worked for a few more hours, taking a break to eat lunch that Agnès had prepared for me, and I headed home about 5 o'clock. As I tried to turn the door handle, I realised that they were all out so I went around the back of the house to get the spare key and go inside to cool off and get a drink. I had a chance to look around the house properly now, without feeling pressured by anyone else there. I think this is a part of my anxiety that I have, I completely miss out details when I'm with people that I'm trying to impress or maintain an appearance. I hadn't noticed the various pictures along the staircase or even that there was another bathroom downstairs. I went upstairs and couldn't help but go into Hatem's room, where I was hit with his boyish smell as soon as I entered. He really was messy, his clothes had managed to reappear across his bedroom despite me tidying it two days ago. I began to tidy again ( I'm a neat freak, I couldn't help it.) and about 20 minutes later it was decent enough for me to leave. I did notice his phone on the side, and of course being a Nokia it didn't have a lock on it. This was finally my chance to make sure he'd deleted the picture he held over me, so I clicked through to find it, but I found so much more. Not more of me, but pictures of other boys, boys his age, naked or basically naked. What the fuck was he doing with all of this? I kept going until I found my own revealing image, and deleted it. I then left the room, wondering what he was doing with the other pictures. I hoped for his sake that he wasn't blackmailing other people like he tried with me. I was interrupted by the sound of the gate opening outside again, so I walked through the house and towards the door, so I could help with the shopping. The first at the door was Hatem, so I opened it up for him, and making sure Jac and Agnès were out of sight I squeezed his butt cheek as he passed me, making him look back with a look of surprise, which turned into a slight smile as I winked at him. I think he got the message. Jac and Agnès greeted me and we chatted about my new work and how I was finding it. Agnès told me she was going to prepare food shortly and that it would be ready in about an hour. I asked if she needed any help but she insisted I'd done enough today so suggested I relax in my room. I did so, but as I left I indicated to Hatem to follow me, which he hesitantly did. To be continued...