Date: Sun, 4 May 2008 16:43:46 -0400
From: Sean E <ekidky@hotmail.com>
Subject: My Road of Life's Discoveries - Ch 7

Discoveries on My Journey of Life
EKidKy - :o)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks for the patience guys; it's been really hectic here
the last couple of weeks as I get near the end-of-term.  Still, I have no
intention of stopping until I'm done, for better or for worse.  As always,
the usual warning is in place - if you should not be reading this then
don't. Otherwise, if you've been reading the other chapters, you know what
to (sort of) expect...

---------------------

--- Chapter Seven ---

When I look back, I sometimes get butterflies in my stomach thinking about
some of the days I've already written about, when things happened that
shaped my life for the next curve in the road.  I don't mean for that to
sound so cliché, but I think what happened between Mom and myself drove a
wedge between us, and it placed in me further a paradox, an insecurity of
sort, much like a lack of self-confidence that made me shut down even
more. I didn't have any feelings for a long time, and I'm talking about
those feelings inside of being accepted. I was just being me without
creating some act or persona, a shell, of somebody that I wasn't.  One of
the things that affected and discouraged me so much about my peers in
school was that so many of them put on such a false front, trumping and
bragging themselves up to be more than who they really were.  I never liked
that - for a lot of reasons, sometimes because of all the crap that was
made up and sometimes because, well, you just knew better about what was
true and what wasn't.  Kids would do it to boast, just come off as being
something they were not.  Of course - not *everyone* did it, but mostly the
jocks and bullies and snobs - rich kids who looked down on anyone who was
"less" than at their level in society.  I don't know if its because of the
way Mom raised me, or if it was just because we were so fundamentally low
on the totem pole of society or what, as in low income, etc.; I just know
that my attitude developed at one point where if I could not just be me, if
I could not be accepted by just being me the way I was, then I didn't want
to be somebody else.  Besides, I probably didn't need to be a part of their
groups anyway, their hang-outs, their "walls-of-fame", an expression that
mean their trophies to adore and idolize.

	I know, that probably sounds weird, because that would also mean if
I couldn't be myself, believe in myself for who I was, then I was already
living a lie.  I was gay, or at least bi at the time, whether I admitted it
or not.  I was approaching 15 and I did not crave or have an interest in
girls, or the female sex like guys did.  My hormones were wired up
differently.  My interest in boys started to pick back up, and it made me
literally ashamed for a while.  Whether or not I gave up the idea that I
was still just curious, it didn't matter, because it didn't help that my
fantasies change any - my release came from thinking about kids like me:
Were there other kids like me? What would so-and-so look like? How
different are we on the outside, and inside too?

	I was really hitting some low points in my life again, doubting
myself, wondering if I could ever be anything to anybody ever again.  It
was hard, and my answer to everything - for a time anyway - was to just
shut myself away, close up my box.  Eventually the kids in school
discovered they could still taunt me, still hurt me, and some of them took
advantage of it. I don't know if it was because my Dad wasn't around
enough, or if I just lacked some of the things other boys seemed to get
from being with their own fathers and families.  The ultimate fact became
obvious though: I had no interest in cars, in fishing, sports or hunting,
or farming, and of course, girls.

	That brings me back to where I left off, mostly.  Even though I did
return to the computer and the internet, I had my fill of doubts.  I got
into some chat rooms and found some of the friendships I had made turned
out to be perverts, people who just were feeding off my feelings of guilt
and confusion, I guess, or doing their best to get me to send naked
pictures of myself to them.  The only people I could go online and honestly
enjoy being free with was my Dad, and my cousin that lived in Madison,
Timmy.  The pit of it all was that they were family - and I could not, I
would not out myself or at least my feelings of curiosity or whatever
(about guys, anyway) to them - period.

	The one thing I did do in those days was learn to swim and enjoy
the public pool.  It was about a 15 minute ride on my bike from the house,
and Mom never seemed to mind my going there during the hot summer days when
we were off from school.  I loved it there - it gave me something to do
away from home, and although I knew a lot of guys who went were there for
the opposite sex, my mind was on a different path.  They loved to go
topless, and although most wore the baggy boxer-type swim trunks, every
once in a while you saw things that would make you catch your breath.  They
put themselves on display for the girls, and although I had to hide my
reactions a lot of times, they got an added viewing audience from me.

	I wasn't shy either, insofar as myself went.  Mind you, I wasn't
much to look at even when I was 85% or more naked. I mean, I didn't have
that pure white belly or back or boney legs that look so geek-ish on some
people.  Although I was a skinny runt, my chest was clear (as well as most
of my body, mostly) - no hairs except for a little on my arms, and of
course my pubes; no freckles or blemishes much to speak of, no scars or
scratches to be found. I always thought I was just the most forgetful face
in the crowd too, so I guess that helped break any shyness I might have
had.  The little kids - especially our neighbors when they were there -
would often get me into some games with them, things to have fun more or
less.  I even taught them and a few others how to swim, so it wasn't like I
was totally isolated when I was there.  Most of the time though, I just
watched the others, teens, pre-teens and what have you, everyone doing
their own thing, and many of them doing the one thing that I figure
attracted them most: eyeing the opposite sex.

	When it came to being around the pool, I witnessed a lot of
indiscrete stuff, especially groping by both the guys AND the girls.  I
mean, a guy trying to get beyond 1st base was a natural thing I think;
girls actually rubbing a guys cock in the water though, playing with them?
Wow that was, well, interesting.  Also, sometimes a couple might be
spooning, even briefly, but it was obvious when a guys groin was fitting so
well into the backside of a cute girl, and how much trouble the both of
them would go through to stay that way as long as possible.  All of them
were always in the water, always very discrete.  What few adults and
lifeguards were around were oblivious to it. I think they knew what was
going on to a certain extent, they just were making sure none of the kids
got perv'ed on, or that someone just didn't go too far.

	Nobody did stuff with me though; instead, I just watched people
from the corner of my eyes, or from a distance, with or without my glasses
as I could, acting nonchalant about things. Nobody ever really caught me
staring at them either.  I had these sunglasses that helped out, as I knew
they were dark enough to stop anyone from seeing whatever held my
interest. Still, I tried not to linger too much on the obvious (or not so
obvious) skins either exposed or covered.

	There was another reason I liked the pool as much as I did. Here
was a place I was never picked on, never teased.  Most all the boys wore
the usual boxer trunks, nothing like speedos which really left little to
the imagination; if there were any exceptions, it would usually be the
little kids who might do the tighter stuff.  For some reason or another,
nobody - amongst the guys anyway - paid each other that much attention.  I
think there was one remark maybe, one time, where I overheard someone
pointing my way and talking low to his friends, saying 'Look who's here...'
to which his buddy replied 'Hell, he has to get some somewhere doesn't
he?', and the third adding 'It's probably all the dork will ever get, too'
to which they all laughed as they went by.  From their glances, yeah, it
was me they were talking about, I knew it, and yeah - it hurt.  Seriously
though, that was it, nothing more was ever said that I ever caught, about
me or really anyone else.  Was it like a truce or something?  I don't know,
but at the pool, the teasing and name calling and running down of someone's
ego just didn't exist.  Personally, I think it's because they had other
things on their mind, such as the girls.  Who knows, maybe they didn't want
to look like idiots in front of some of them or something, after all, to
get beyond first base was a goal i think most of them shared.  I think
there was a time or two I caught a glimpse of some of the guys with a
boner, though you had to be close to notice it.  They would be getting all
hot and steamy at just about anything they could, I think.  If the girls
wore bikinis or one-piece suits, sometimes they went to the trouble of
flashing between their legs, such as letting their pubes show out one side
just a tiny bit, or make their halter tops fall a little lower, revealing
much more breasts than I think was really, like, normal. Sometimes that
would make the guys go nuts - especially if they could make out their tits
when they hardened; I knew, because I always seem to hear about it from
someone, somewhere around me.

	So the pool was just a gathering place.  One person, who sat next
to me in one of the public lounge chairs, said it was pretty cool to be in
the middle of "acres and acres of skin".  I remember he had to be no more
than a year or two older than me then, someone I had never met before.  He
was using those phrases under his breath, like "Mmmmmmm..." or 'Hot damn'
whenever a particularly hot girl was coming up out of the water or walking
by.  Most of the time he was muttering them to me, and his sighs and subtle
adjustments he would make in conspicuous places showed he had to exercise a
lot of restraint.  He was taking in "the view", and it was amusing to watch
and listen to him.  I would just smile and acknowledge everything when he
was obviously talking to me, but secretly I was getting turned on by just
watching him: his tan belly, his golden chest rising and falling, his tiger
trail that extended below an "innie" belly button, and most of his entire
boner getting half-rigid in his swim trunks - all of it.  He was doing his
best I think not to spring a full mast - for the obvious reasons, and I had
to be careful as well for at one point I was getting there too.  Eventually
I had to get up and leave, lest I start to get in trouble myself.  I never
saw any naked skin though, at least, not any glorious privates or anything
of the like while I was there.  If I had, oh wow - but what I did get was
plenty of dreams and curious fantasies to live from for a while.

	I didn't live the rest of my life though without having at least a
little more fun.  My relationships (if that's what you want to call them)
eventually evolved around my 15th birthday.  Dad called and asked if I
wanted to come up part of the week of spring break and visit him in
Madison, Wisconsin.  Boy did I ever! After Mom's approval, I arrived there
a few days later on a Friday night, finding not only my Dad waiting for me
as usual, but also with a surprise: My 12 year old cousin Timmy was with
him, and he was splitting a grin from ear to ear.

	I have to tell you a little about Timmy, I think, because from
about this point onward, he was a major influence on where my life went
next, tearing down these barriers I had created for myself.  In the past
few months since my episode with Mom, my computer sessions were pretty
limited as I've already explained. Still, I honestly believe if it had not
been for the fact I stayed in touch with both Timmy and my Dad - through
messenger and emails - I probably would not have became the computer geek I
am today.  Timmy had a cam, and he would still cam for me every once in a
while, showing me a new model he had put together, or what he got for
Christmas, things like that.  There were a lot of late nights we just
talked - sometime about so little, but yet it seemed like everything.  We
didn't really have that much of a bond between us in the beginning, even
for family, but over time our friendship grew.  There were almost 3 years
that separated us in age, and although he was no jock by any sense of the
word, he still played hockey in pee-wee league (or at least, I think it was
still called that, some kind of league for middle-school kids), and like
me, he loved watching NFL football.

	Many nights our talks were about the teams, who we thought was good
or would lose the next week, things like that - it was the one topic,
perhaps the ONLY topic when it came to any kind of sports - that I could
hold my own.  Tim liked to talk about other things too, though, and we were
a lot alike in the fact that when we were in our rooms late at night, we
stripped to our underwear and t-shirts.  I know because I saw him that way
lots of times; the first time, I teased him about it a little, and good
naturedly he asked "Is anyone in there with you?"

	"Nope."

	"Just you?"

	"Yep"

	"Then I don't care as long as it's just us."

	Sound familiar?  I guess most guys - at least most close friends
anyway - don't care too much about that stuff. For me though, in my
heightened sense of being alone, to hear him say stuff like that put a kind
of warmth inside me.  It wasn't the fact he would go around in his
underwear with me watching, not in a sex-sense anyway; but I do remember
just the feeling I got from him, the things that said he trusted me, that
was what made the impact.  I even watched him a time or two get ready for
bed, whether he realized it or not, I don't know, but he truly didn't seem
to care - as long as it was just me.  He would always ask that question
first, to which I would tell him the truth.  I do think he was a little shy
in general, because he told me once in one of our long nights he didn't
like changing clothes for hockey or gym class unless he just had to.

	"Umm, are you really like, umm, really self-conscious and stuff?
You know, like, shy?" I remember asking - watching him on cam - as he
thought about it a minute before answering me back.

	"Nah, not really, I just don't like flashing my beautiful ass and
legs to anyone!"

	Even though I didn't have a cam, I gave him a bunch of ROTFLMAO
thingy's, and he was cracking up on the other end.  "What's so funny? Don't
you think I have a cute butt?" he would ask me, and then stood up and
modeled for me in his briefs, pulling his t-shirt way up and turning in a
circle, wiggling his rear from side to side in a silly fashion.  I laughed
so hard I started crying, and when I finally quieted down, he was on the
screen again, back at the keyboard 'You there? you there?' 'OMG - was my
ass ssssoooo beautiful it put you into shock?'

	I finally typed at him: 'I don't know about your butt, but your
legs are grade A' (or something like that).

	He got this expression. 'What do you mean, don't know about my
butt?' then started to scoot back, but stopped and leaned into the keyboard
again. 'We're alone, right? Just the two of us?'

	I should have probably typed 'Don't do it', but I didn't. 'Yea,
it's just you and me Tim, I promise.'

	He grinned, stood up and turned around and mooned me, right there
on the spot, showing me the full glory of his ass and crack with everything
around it; not for a long time, but long enough the cam got it in focus,
and yeah, I smiled.  He pulled his briefs back up and turned around,
sitting down, laughing. 'Well? How about now?'

	I have to admit, for a 12-yr old, it was pretty sexy.  He had shown
me a very sassy, smooth, white-skinned backside, unblemished by anything:
no freckles, no scratches, nothing. I sat there, mesmerized for some
reason, and then giggled, fully knowing he couldn't hear me, but still -
"s-e-x-y".

	I watched him laugh on the other end, stick his tongue out at me
like he was blowing a raspberry, and watched him type his response: 'You
turd, I am not!'

	I didn't hesitate to answer back. 'Yeah, you are you know, a lot
sexier than me anyways.'

	He yawned at that. 'Nah Sean, that's not true, it's like you always
say, I'm just me'. For what I could see of his eyes, his face, he was
having one of those moments.  I just smiled and gave him a hug (using an
emoticon of course), told him we better get to bed, which he agreed and
that was that.  For me though, I won't lie - it was cool, just messing
around, being funny, hanging out - but it was still pretty cool.

	So here we are, at the terminal gateway to my plane, and Tim is
standing next to Dad, grinning from ear to ear.  I give my Dad a big hug,
and after a time I think he is getting jealous.  "What, I don't get one of
those?" as he feigned a hurt expression when Dad and I separated.

	I turned to him and just picked him up, off the floor, hugging him
to me, trying not to be too silly - but giving him something that let him
know I was surprised and glad he was there.  Dad was amused, but I didn't
care, it was really cool.  Tim was about 6-inches shorter than me, and just
as skinny as I was, so lifting him up wasn't that hard to do.  We
separated, went to pick up my bag, and then headed out away from the
airport in Dad's Blazer.  We stopped at a new place along the way to get
something to eat, some place none of us had ever tried, and I remember it
being okay but nothing special - other than it WAS cool having to sit so
close next to Tim in a booth that was really small.

	When we got to Dad's place that night, I immediately went for the
stairs to climb up to my bedroom and on into the bathroom to relieve
myself.  Dad had a studio, loft-like condo, not far from campus, with a
huge bedroom downstairs and a smaller one up on the top level.  It was kind
of cool because the way stuff was shaped, the second floor was really up
high overlooking a family-room like area below.  Short of that though, it
was about as plain as any other place you would find.  Dad didn't decorate
much, although you would find a few pictures of me or his family in a few
places.  The condo was clean and modern-looking I guess, really kind of a
nice place for an older neighborhood, you know?  For a couple weeks a year,
it was my home away from home, and I liked it - it was something different,
and it helped me to appreciate my "real" room back home even more.  My room
might not be the most modern, newest looking thing around but, heck, it was
*my room*...

	Tim followed me up and I heard take a big dive and flop on the bed
while I finished and came out of the adjacent bathroom.  I turned and
looked at him as I setting my suitcase on the dresser when he asked, "Sean?
Can I sleep up here with you tonight?"

	That was a first, and it took me a little by surprise.  Although we
had hung out together a lot the last few times I was up here (or he was
down in Kentucky, like at Christmas), he never spent the night away from
his parents.  "Y-you're s-spending the n-night?" I stammered.

	He laughed. "Yeah, I know, kind of a surprise to me too, but I
asked Mom this morning and she said she didn't see why not..."

	I smiled and thought only for a second or two. "Sure, I mean, if
you want to."  There might be a few years between us, but I didn't care.
Some things are still safe and pure in life, you know?

	"Of course I do, I asked didn't I?"  He giggled.

	I grinned. "Just making sure, that's all."

	"Dork, why, you gonna rape me or something?"  He threw a pillow at
me.  Why I hesitated, I don't know, but it was like some nerve had been
struck inside of me, and he saw my reaction.  "I'm sorry Sean, I didn't
mean it, I mean... I'm sorry..."

	I couldn't tell if he was apologizing for throwing the pillow at me
or what, so I finally spoke, with the question hanging in the air. "Huh?"
He looked at me close, I guess deciding if I was seriously confused or not,
then shrugged his shoulders. Something was missing though, and I sort of
reasoned it out a little, finally. I whispered "NNnoooo, I'm not going to
rape you doofus!"  He giggled a little, as I added. "But..."

	"But what?"  He was whispering now too.

	"Well, if you let me, I might like to cuddle a little."  I was
almost embarrassed to say it as I looked away some, but I did really mean
it.  I had told him in chatting before what that was like, to feel someone
hold you and to have someone to hold sometimes, and I remember that look on
his face as he understood it too.  I also knew I trusted him, and in most
ways I knew he trusted me, and it became evident when he smiled at me and
said, "Deal!"

	"Really?"  I was a little stunned - why, I'm not sure, but yeah...

	"Sure!" was his reply and we both grinned.

	Right then Dad called us back downstairs and we ended up watching a
movie with him and goofing around a while.  My mind was only half present
though, as I was getting that mood on me about how it was going to be cool
later on that night.  Sex stuff?  Nah, I didn't even think about that -
honest, because Tim had a girl or two I knew he really liked, and even
though there were some things that established a little trust between us,
he just didn't really seem the type to, you know, play around any.  I found
out later though, how wrong I was, but still for this night?  It was just,
well, cool.

	When it got late, Dad told us we better scoot on upstairs and get
some sleep.  As I climbed the steps and went inside the bedroom, I have to
admit I was a little nervous.  Timmy came along about a minute later
carrying an overnight bag, and close the door behind him.  Without any
preamble, without any hesitation, without anything at all - to my stunned
eyes - he just started kicking off his shoes and peeling away his shirt and
pants.  All the while he's doing this I'm watching from sitting on the side
of the bed.  When I looked up and caught him looking at me, he was giving
me almost that wicked evil eye of his: "You going to sleep with your
clothes on or something?" as he finished pulling his jeans off.

	I startled, replying nervously. "Umm, nope.. uh, sorry..."

	He laughed.  "Told you that night I had a cute ass, didn't I?"  I
threw a pillow at him as he stepped into the bathroom to go pee.  He didn't
close the door, and from the opening and where I was standing, unbuttoning
my shirt, I could see him from the back, standing at the commode and
letting loose, just his briefs and t-shirt on.  I noticed they were both
gray in color, and found that to be pretty cool.

	I say that because there's something else that was changing for me
in my life as well.  For a long time, Mom got most of my clothes for me
from hand-me-downs or the Wal-Mart special racks, but the one thing she
didn't accept or try to take was when it came to my underwear (thank
goodness).  I don't remember exactly when, but there was a time I had
noticed at school - when the guys changed clothes for gym - that not
everyone wore boxers, but rather some wore briefs and stuff like me.  There
was a big difference though when some of them wore colors that were just
not white, like the classic stuff you would expect.  I remember almost
getting caught watching one kid undress in front of me one day, surprising
me with the fact he was wearing black briefs, and I was just thinking they
looking really great on him.  In fact, he did catch me, and gave me a
questioning look, but rather than hide it, I just told him I hadn't seen
any briefs like that before, and that I thought they were pretty cool. He
could have taken that a lot of different ways, and he was the type who
could have made my life hell if he wanted to, but instead -- for whatever
reason, maybe my guardian angel was with me that day or something - he just
smiled and said something like 'Yeah, I thought so too, that's why I got
them.'  It never went any further than that, and we finished changing and
went on into class.  My point is though, within a month I was with Mom at
the store and I came across some just like them. I asked her if I could get
them, seeing they didn't really cost any different than the others I
usually wore.  It was a package of 5 or so, all with different colors, and
she only glanced at them a second before just putting them in the basket -
no hesitation or anything, just mumbling something about "I've been meaning
to get you some more lately...".  That's when it started all.  Because my
t-shirt collection is pretty large, with a lot of different colors and
everything under the sun, I started wearing matching sets for some reason,
and I loved it! Not because I thought anyone would ever see them and think
anything of it much, but to me, they were just cool.  There was a time
months later I wore one of those matched up t-shirts and stuff to school,
and in gym the same kid noticed me, pointed it out, and said `Yeah, pretty
cool aren't they?'  I just nodded, pleased, and again he understood.

	This particular night, my briefs and t-shirt were both the same
color as Tim's, and as I removed my belt and shirt, he came back in and
immediately noticed it too.  My pants were halfway undone, sagging, and he
watched me for a brief moment.  I giggled a little and asked him, "I
thought you said you were, like, you know, shy?"

	He shook his head as he crawled on the bed, pulling the covers back
and climbing in.  "Nah, not with you Sean."  Nor was he shy about watching
me either, as I could tell.

	That really stuck with me, and moved me.  I didn't make any more
jokes or ask any more silly questions, although for some reason I was
really nervous. I had not really undressed for anyone, knowing they were
watching me like this, since my times with Cody.  I knew he was curious,
and in the end I wanted him to know I trusted him.  I remember when I was
his age, and I remembered what my curiosity had felt like to me.  So taking
a deep breath I just did it, I hooked the waistband of my jeans and pushed
them down off of me.  In the process my underwear got caught on something
and for a second they started to go down about halfway too, but I caught
them before revealing too much, mostly only the very top of my pubes got
exposed as I got them pulled back up.  Tim didn't say a word, didn't giggle
or anything, and yes, I knew he saw me - he was watching me the whole time.
I stripped to my briefs, kicking my socks off and then stood before him as
he had to me.  I walked across to the side of the bed and dropped my
clothes onto my bag, then just turned and went into the bathroom, relieving
myself just as he had, without closing the door or anything, being as open
about it as I could. I trusted him, but for some reason my nervousness
didn't ease up any.  When I came back in, I turned on the bedside lamp then
crossed and turned off the overhead light.  As I climbed in next to him, I
was shaking, visibly shaking, and he noticed it, looking up at me.  "You
okay?"

	At that moment all I could do was nod as I stretched out on my
side, getting close, but not too close to him.  I put my hands up under my
head, lying on my back, breathing hard, trying to stop shaking, trying to
calm down.  He just watched me for a minute, and then he did it.  He closed
the distance between us, turned on his side facing me and laid his head
right into my shoulder.  He draped his arm across my chest, not really
hugging me, but letting it rest there.  He looked at me and waited, with
his bright blue eyes focused on mine.  I slowly, really slowly, brought my
arm down and around him, shaking like a leaf as I touched him, as I touched
his back, our t-shirts separating us from one another.

	He sighed and closed his eyes, and this time with his arm across my
chest, he hugged me.  I tried to do the same, but my heart was beating so
fast, and I wasn't really settled much yet.  He whispered to me "Sean, you
okay?"  I glanced down, his eyes were still closed, as he added, "Come on
bro, it's just me."

	It's him, and for whatever reason that didn't relax me that much.
"I know Tim, it's just..."  I hesitated trying to find the right words.

	He opened his eyes and looked at me, whispering again "It's okay,
you don't have to, you know..."

	"No!" was all I could find my voice for, startling him, but not
letting him react as I suddenly pulled him close to me. I giggled a little
and whispered back, "I WANT to hold you Tim - I really, really do... God,
you have no clue how much I want to hold you bro, really hold you."  I
looked in his eyes and smiled.  The question was still there, on his face.
"I-I.. It's j-just, I don't know, it's just been a long time s-since I've
like, held a-anyone..."

	"You mean Cody, don't you?"  I nodded, unable to say anything more
at the moment.  He smiled and drew himself even closer to me, his leg
draped over mine.  I heard him whisper, "It is pretty cool you know."

	"Yeah."  It was all I could think of to say to him right then.
God, he was so warm, and because he was a little shorter than me, he fitted
in with me so much different than Cody did, but in a different way that was
also just so cool.  I could smell him, his hair, his skin, everything was
fresh and clean. I could feel him, and after I reached over and turned off
the light and got back into position, his t-shirt had risen in the back
where I could feel his skin, soft and everything.  I rubbed his back as he
lay next to me, both the exposed and the covered areas, and he enjoyed the
contact of my fingers as I reached everywhere I could, pulling him to me,
just lightly feeling my way around.

	It was dark in the room, but the moon was shining through the
window in the back enough I could see his face, and I could see his eyes
open and watching me.  I smiled weakly and whispered, "Thanks bro, you're
the best cousin a guy like me could have."

	He smiled at that, then sat up in the bed and pulled his t-shirt
off.  He turned to me, grabbed mine down at the base and tugged it up.  I
sat up part of the way and helped him get it off of me, before we lay back
down like we were, only this time without anything separating us on top.
He laid his head back in my shoulder and looked at me, cozying up.  I could
have almost cried on the spot, I was really feeling happy inside, something
I had not felt in a long, long time.  In all of this, even with this close
contact, neither of us sprung a boner - and yes, I would have felt it from
him if he had.  Instead, it was pure bliss I think.  He rubbed my chest
some, before just pulling me in more. I heard him whisper at some point to
me, something like "You're a cool cousin too, bro."  At that he fell
asleep, and after a while, so did I.

	The next morning we awoke, and I was surprised to find myself
spooning him, his smaller body fitting perfectly inside of me.  Sometime
during the night we had shifted and moved, and my arms were around him,
hugging him close.  As I was waking up, he was grinding himself backwards
into me, and that made me feel especially alert, mostly because my bladder
was in need of relief, and the usual morning wood was half-way formed to
which he ground his butt back into me.  I was contemplating what I should
do when he turned and looked at me with sleepy eyes and whispered "You
promised!"

	"Huh?" I asked back, confused, but smiling.

	He lowered his voice even more, "You said you wouldn't rape me..."

	I giggled, and blushed, embarrassed big time, and he giggled right
with me, watching me blush.  But instead of pulling away, he turned back
over and cuddled to me even harder, grinding himself back into me again.  I
was definitely getting aroused by then, and ... I was scared, really
scared.  I gave him a big, full-contact hug, whispered in his ear "Be right
back..." and disengaged myself from him, getting up and heading to the
bathroom.  As I relieved myself yet again, I was silently begging for my
"Little Sean" to calm down, and as I finished, to my relief he did,
returning to a soft state.  Inwardly I sighed with relief and then returned
to the bed.  I looked at the clock, it was like 6:30 AM or so, and was
about to settle on my back and pull Tim on top of me when suddenly he
jumped out of the bed and went into the bathroom too, relieving himself as
well.

	When he returned, with the light coming in from outside, I could
see him in just his briefs, and yes, I noticed how cool his body looked to
me, for what details I made out anyway.  He climbed in bed, pulling the
covers up over us, and then came over and climbed on top of me, whispering
in my ear "I'm sorry Sean, I shouldn't have said that."

	I shushed him.  "Tim... you have no clue bro, how that makes me
feel, that you, like, trust me so much."

	He raised his head and looked at me. "Yeah I do Sean, because it
makes me feel just as good that you trust me, too."  After a moment, he
added, in a voice barely above a whisper, "I love you, you know.  You're my
bro, too."

	Timmy was calling me a bro.  Only one other person in my life have
I ever given that benefit too, because of the bond we built with one
another almost 3 years before.  At that moment, I did lose it, because I
felt so happy. I just hugged him to me, whispered in his ear I loved him
too, and we just clung to each other for a while.  He finally rolled off my
side and cuddled up and we went back to sleep until almost nine, when Dad
started calling to us to come eat some breakfast.  When we broke apart, we
were smiling, and this trip had already paid so much to me -- I thought I
could live off of it for a long time, just from that one night being
together.

	But that wasn't the end, and I'll wait for another chapter to tell
you the rest...  :o)

	------

	Sorry this one took so long to write guys.  I'm at the end of terms
now, with a lot of lab programs and projects due, as well as finals coming
up.  Still, I'm doing my best, I'm trying to put my heart into this.  If it
helps, then great; if not - if you're just looking for the sex stuff, then
I'm sorry - or rather, I feel kind of sorry for you.  If you've read my
other stuff, then you know this is just me...
	Any comments or whatever, hey, you know where to find me.  To those
of you who have written me already - what can I ever really say other than
thank you?  I can't - other than just to tell you it means a lot to me.  I
can't tell you how much it means to know I'm not the only one here, that
this makes something worth reading for you.  So until I get to the next
chapter, so long - I wish all of you the best.  :o)

	-- EKidKy@hotmail.com