Chapter Twenty-Six
JJ slumped into the puffy overstuffed chair
and got comfortable. Dr. Dull set a timer on his phone and got out his legal
pad and JJ's folder.
"I'm ready whenever you are, Joshua."
Cringing, JJ started in about the latest
almost-kiss with Travis when Dr. Dull interrupted him.
"While that's fascinating, how are you doing?"
JJ paused as he thought. "I guess I'm mad that
Travis keeps--"
Dr. Dull tutted. "Stick to yourself."
JJ sighed. "This summer has been kinda hard on me."
"Why?"
"I haven't been able to hang with my friends
like I usually do because of doing community service, and my parents have been
gone, too. I just feel so . . ."
Dr. Dull gave him a reassuring look. "Complete
your thought."
"Alone. And the only time I don't is when I'm
with him."
Scribbling on his pad, Dr. Dull looked up.
"Travis?"
"Yeah. When we're together, I can be myself
and not worry about doing or saying something uncool or geeky."
"Right. But getting back to your earlier
thought. Do you fear being alone?"
"I don't know, maybe?"
"And why's that?"
At first, JJ didn't know how to answer.
Finally, he said, "I just want to belong, you know? Be with people who like the
real me, who love me for me."
Pursing his lips, Dr. Dull wrote something on
his pad. "What's your relationship with your parents like?"
"Nonexistent. They're gone most of the time,
and I've basically raised myself since I was like ten."
"And when they are home?"
"When they're not ripping on me for
embarrassing them, they're making me go to stupid charity events like tonight
or forcing me to do extracurriculars. You know, I just wish for once I could
talk with them and not have to worry about them criticizing me for every little
thing I did or didn't do."
"And how does that make you feel?"
"Like I don't matter to them--scratch that. I
know I don't matter to them."
JJ fought back his tears, but they came
anyway. Dr. Dull handed him the box of tissues on his desk. "How do you know
that?"
After he'd recomposed himself, JJ
told him about a fight he'd overheard his parents having. His mother was sick
of looking after "the snot-nosed brat," and his father told her, "I didn't want
him either." Marianna started looking after him and the house soon after.
Sighing, Dr. Dull shook his head. "First,
Joshua, I want to reiterate that you're worthy of love, dignity, and respect
regardless of how your parents have treated you."
"Thanks, Doc. But it's hard not to feel like
no one cares about me."
"That's understandable. Our relationships with
our parents set the mold for all others. You seek love and validation from
others because your parents never gave you that. But the truth is, no one can
give you what you seek except yourself."
JJ cocked his head to the side, confused. "I
don't understand."
"If you don't first love yourself, then you'll
constantly search for it in others, accepting whatever scraps of affection and
attention they throw your way."
JJ looked down, thinking about what Dr. Dull
said. He recalled all the times he'd played the fool or went along with the
crowd to be liked, how he'd said and done things he didn't want to, so he would
belong. He wasn't being true to himself, and because of it, he'd hurt Travis
more times than he could count. After getting to know him, JJ vowed that was
the last thing he'd ever do again. At that moment, he decided he didn't want to
be that person anymore.
"How do I fix things?"
"Know, it's not your job to fix things with
your parents. You can open the lines of communications, but they must be
receptive and take an active role. As for developing self-love, I suggest
making friends with people who share your hobbies and accept you as you are.
There's an LGBTQ+ community center in Ferndale that has a youth drop-in and
other activities for people your age. I can give you the info if you'd like?"
JJ nodded, and Dr. Dull gave him a card that
read, "Affirmations LGBTQ+ Community Center." He tucked the card
into his wallet. "Can we talk about Travis now?"
Dr. Dull laughed. "You're incorrigible, but
yes."
"So, Travis and I were play
wrestling, right? When he pinned me and our eyes locked. I legit thought he'd
kiss me, but then my friends buzzed in, and he rolled off me like I was The
Toxic Avenger or something. I just don't get him."
"Has it ever occurred to you that you might be
reading into things, and Travis might not know what he wants?"
"Why? Did he tell you that?"
"You know I'm not at liberty to discuss that.
All I'm suggesting is you go slowly. First relationships are fraught with
problems because you don't know what to expect. But in my experience, the
relationships that last are all founded on a solid friendship. Have you told
him you were stalking him?"
"No," he said, shaking his head, his cheeks
flushing with embarrassment.
"Joshua, a relationship based on lies is like
a house of cards. Eventually, it collapses. Tell him before things get too
serious. The longer you put this off, the more it will hurt him. Travis--oh,
dear. Our time's up. I think we've had a breakthrough here, though. Promise me
you'll think about what I've told you."
"Sure, Doc," JJ said, but he didn't mean
it. Why does it matter I've stalked Travis? It's not like I still do
it, so why should I tell him? He'd just blow up. Nope. What he doesn't know
won't hurt him.
As he passed Travis in the waiting room, they
exchanged smiles and hashed out plans to hang out tomorrow. They bumped fists
and promised to call each other later.
***
Travis watched Josh walk away, his skin still
tingling from when their knuckles touched. He shook his head and went into Dr. Dull's office, shutting the door behind himself. Dr. Dull
set the timer and got out Travis's file. "Anything happen since our last
session that you want to discuss?"
"Grams visited, and we went out to dinner to
celebrate my birthday early since I'm dying," he said, mumbling the last word.
"I didn't catch the last part."
"I said since I'm dying!"
The pictures on the walls rattled, and Travis
admonished himself for losing control.
"And how does that make you feel?"
"Again, with this feelings crap.
Don't you know how to ask anything else?"
Dr. Dull threw down his legal pad and stood.
"Did that get your attention? Good. Session after session, I've sat here and
listened to you bullshit me about how you don't care
about anything or anyone. But that's all a front. Somewhere along the line, you
got it into your head that emotions are a weakness. But they aren't;
they're what make us humans."
"Actually, our superior mammalian brains
capable of spatial awareness, toolmaking, logic, and self-awareness are what
make us human."
"Why must you always reduce everything to
materialism?"
"Because science is the only proven method to
determine reality."
"And what about emotions? What about love?"
"A trick of brain chemistry."
"Then why is it every time I bring up your
feelings for Joshua, you shut down?"
"I do not!"
Dr. Dull's massive,
cherrywood desk sailed forward, pinning him against the wall.
Fick mich!
He pulled the desk off Dr. Dull and apologized.
"How did you move my desk so easily? It weighs
close to 300 pounds. And how did it move in the first place?"
Agent Anderson said not to let anyone
know about my powers, or they could cause trouble for us. Schiesse.
What am I going to do now? I can't exactly lie. Can I trust him? I mean, he's
never told me anything about his sessions with Josh, and Josh has never
mentioned anything I said in my session, so--
"Travis, are you going to tell me what's going
on, or do I need to call the police?"
He groaned, massaging his forehead. "I have
powers." He gave Dr. Dull a synopsis of events without mentioning Prometheus or
Oblivion since he didn't want to be committed.
Dr. Dull stood in stunned silence,
open-mouthed like a fish. After he regained himself, he said, "So, the
poltergeist activity from before was . . . you?"
"Yeah. My abilities
are tied to my emotions, so when I lose control, things go flying or explode."
He nodded. "Then emotions aren't just a
weakness to you. They're a liability. No wonder you've been reluctant to accept
your feelings for Joshua. You're afraid of losing control and hurting him?"
"More or less."
With shaky hands, Dr. Dull pulled a bottle
from his desk, took two big gulps, and put it back in his desk. "Perhaps if you
stopped suppressing your emotions and dealt with them in a healthy way, you
wouldn't lose control like this."
Travis scoffed. "When did you become an expert
on super-powered humans?"
Dr. Dull scratched his chin. "I'm not. But it
stands to reason if emotions trigger your powers, then learning to express them
constructively could help you master them."
Travis couldn't fault his logic and
thought back to Oblivion's advice to separate his emotions from himself. He'd
hit Google when he got home.
"Anything else you want to discuss?" Dr. Dull
asked, voice quivering. "We still have twenty minutes."
"Josh introduced me to his friends."
"How'd that go?"
"Amicable, mostly, but I wanted to rip Henry
and Matt a new one when they pantsed me."
"That's a normal reaction. And have you sorted
through your feelings for Joshua yet?"
"No."
"Why?"
"What's the point? I'm dying, and it's not
like he'd want to be with me anyway."
"Travis, catastrophizing serves us no good.
Everything is possible, but that doesn't mean it will happen. Talk to Joshua.
And worst-case scenario, you'll stop being friends."
"What if I'm not willing to take that risk?"
"I--we'll have to take this up next time.
Promise me you'll at least consider telling him how you feel."
"I will."
Travis waited until he was a few blocks from
Dr. Dull's office to bring up his location on Google
Earth then map the route from there to his house. Pictures in mind, he Popped
home, only off by two blocks this time, a bit tired but otherwise fine.
After browsing online for a while, he got
bored and went to work on his robot Cha. He'd gotten it to do the cha-cha slide
and was now working on making it do the nae nae. He'd
put in the last line of code and was about to hit execute when Josh called him.
It was close to midnight, and he sounded drunk. "I hate my parents!" he
scream-cried and proceeded to tell Travis about his horrible night.
He'd hadn't wanted to go to the stupid
party, but his parents insisted he attend. Then they forced him to play the
good son and mingle with the other teens there. An hour in, and he'd started
sneaking glasses of champagne, and when his parents found out, they had a
blowup and went home.
"I'm never, ever gonna be good enough for
them. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I just wish they loved me. Nobody does."
"That's not true. Your friends--"
"They don't care about me. No one does. No one
would miss me if died."
"I would," Travis said. And he meant it with
all his heart and soul.
"You would?"
"Yeah. Now go to bed, and when you're not so
drunk, we'll talk all about your crappy parents."
"Imma hold ya to that, mister," he said, slurring his words.
"Night, Josh."
They ended the call, and, after training,
Travis went to bed so happy, he was still smiling when he woke up four hours
later.
Author's Note: Next time, Travis and Josh have
their first sleepover.
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