Chapter Thirty-Eight

JJ itched at his bandage. Though it'd been two weeks, he still hadn't heard from Travis, and he was starting to think the other boy didn't care about him. He settled into the puffy chair in Dr. Dull's office and toed off his shoes.

"How are you this week?" he asked.

"Good, I guess. Travis hasn't called or text, and he's pissing me off."

Dr. Dull nodded. "I heard what he did to his parents. Did he do that to your arm, too?"

JJ looked away and mumbled no.

"Joshua, you can tell me anything."

JJ gritted his teeth. "I said no, okay! Like I told you last time, I burned myself cooking fried chicken."

"Well, I want you to know that abuse in any form isn't love, and you don't deserve to be treated badly. How's school going?"

"Fine. I just wish he'd let me know he was okay. I mean, I'm pissed at what he did but more so that he hasn't bothered even texting me. I thought I meant more to him."

Nibbling on his pen cap, Dr. Dull mmhmm'd. "Joshua, perhaps you should use Travis's absence as a break and work on yourself. Go out, meet new people and explore. Have you visited Affirmations like I've suggested?

JJ tugged his ear. "No."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I've planned to. But every time, I get halfway there and turn back."

 "It's okay to be scared, but we can't let our fears rule us. Perhaps you could take off community service one day a week and go there instead?"

JJ nodded, and they agreed he'd try going there this Friday for their youth drop-in. They spent the rest of his session talking about how things were going with his parents. While they'd been home more lately, they spent most of their time going to charity events and dinner parties, forcing him to come so he could network. It took all his willpower not to go off on them, but he'd managed to stay calm using the techniques Dr. Dull had taught them.

As the week rolled along, JJ's nerves ratcheted up, and when Friday came, he was a hot mess. He'd thought about bailing, but Dr. Dull called to check up on him, and they talked briefly about his fears.

"Joshua, you don't have anything to fear. Just go there, and if after ten minutes you don't like, you can go home."

He agreed and set out for the bus stop.

***

Palms wet, JJ asked the woman at the reception desk where the youth drop-in was located. She smiled and told him it was located in the basement and gave him directions.

When he entered the room, there were kids with multicolor hair, some with tattoos and piercing, others wore pride flag pins or stickers.

"Welcome!" a tall guy a few years older said. He introduced himself as Cody and asked him to sign in. Afterward, they went around the room introducing themselves, some giving their pronouns. When it was his turn, JJ faltered before saying, "Hi. I'm JJ, he/him, I'm gay and like anime, video games, and writing poetry."

They welcomed him and Nicky, a girl wearing a trans pride pin and an electric pink mohawk, waved him over. She asked him where he was from, and they chatted a bit before Cody called them to order.

"JJ, you're in luck. Today we'll be screening Fullmetal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shamballa."

 While Cody set up the DVD player and projector, JJ and the others got snacks from the café and picked a seat. He chose to sit next to Nicky and Ryan, who identified as lesbian and had a tattoo of "beauty" and "beast" on her arms.

They settled in, and the movie started. He'd seen it before and spent the time chatting with the girls. It was nice being able to be so open about himself and his likes. They asked him about his poetry, and he blushed, saying he wasn't that good. They told him about a monthly open mic night and writing group the center hosted and told him he should try out some of his poems.

"Maybe," he mumbled.

Afterward, Cody thanked everyone for coming out and came over to JJ. "Hey, I'm glad you made it tonight. A group of us usually hits up White Castle or Coney Island. You wanna come with? You can ride with me."

Cody flashed his brilliant smile, and JJ swooned. "I--"  

His phone played his parents' ringtone, and when he answered it, his father demanded to know where he was.

"With friends."

"Well, come home. Your mother and I are throwing a dinner party, and guests will be arriving shortly."

 "Okay," he said, but what he really wanted to say was, "Fuck you."

 He ended the call. "Another time," he told Cody."

Cody smiled again. "I'll hold ya to that. 

***

JJ came back the next week and the week after that, but he kept blowing off Cody's invites to eat. Part of him liked the older teen, and if JJ were being honest, he thought Cody was hot with his scruffy goatee and bedhead blue hair.

He did take them up on the open mic night and had been working on a poem all month, but now that the night had arrived, he was scared shitless.

"Ugh." He threw up in the toilet, then washed his mouth out. Cody rushed over. "Dude, are you okay? You look pale--well paler than usual."

"Nerves," he said, and dry heaved.

"Hang tight," Cody said, leaving and returning with a bottle of Vernors and saltines from the café.

JJ thanked him, and once his stomach settled, he went over his poem again. As he read the last line, they called his name. With sweat-slicked shaky hands, he took the mic and introduced himself. "I'm JJ, and this poem's entitled, `Seen.'

"From my red-orange hair and skin so fair to my eyes so green, I am a human being and demand to be seen. Look up from your screens and see me . . . all of me. I'm more than the sum of my parts; I'm a lover of the arts, a gamer, a mischief-maker, heartbreaker, faker, no bs taker, a prankster, but no court jester. I may be short but have the heart of a lion. I don't mean to be mean, but I'm done crying, done trying to be who I'm not, done hiding who I am; I'm a gay teen. Whether you accept that or not, I'm a human being and deserve to be seen."

When he was done, the crowd went silent. Then they burst into applause. JJ reveled in the moment, basking in the knowledge something he wrote affected so many people. Nicky and Ryan came over and congratulated him.

"See, that wasn't so hard," Cody said, ruffling up JJ's hair. 

Ryan nodded. "You slayed the house down, dude."

JJ's cheeks warmed. "It wasn't that good, and I should've added more imagery."

They told him he was crazy and made him promise to read more of his poetry at the next open mic night. He reluctantly agreed but declined their invitation to grab dinner.

"Come on, JJ," Cody begged.

"Naw. I have to go home and get started on my next piece. I wouldn't want to disappoint my fans."

Cody ruffled his hair again. "Okay, but you're coming with us next time."

JJ laughed him off and walked toward the bus stop. On the ride home, he couldn't stop smiling, and he couldn't remember a time he was happier. Maybe he didn't need Travis as much as he thought?  

Author's Note: We're hurtling towards the climax of the book, only 5 chapter (plus the epilogue) to go.

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