Chapter Thirty-Eight
JJ itched at his bandage. Though it'd been two
weeks, he still hadn't heard from Travis, and he was starting to think the
other boy didn't care about him. He settled into the puffy chair in Dr. Dull's office and toed off his shoes.
"How are you this week?" he asked.
"Good, I guess. Travis hasn't called or text,
and he's pissing me off."
Dr. Dull nodded. "I heard what he did to his
parents. Did he do that to your arm, too?"
JJ looked away and mumbled no.
"Joshua, you can tell me anything."
JJ gritted his teeth. "I said no, okay! Like I
told you last time, I burned myself cooking fried chicken."
"Well, I want you to know that abuse in any
form isn't love, and you don't deserve to be treated badly. How's school
going?"
"Fine. I just wish he'd let me know he was
okay. I mean, I'm pissed at what he did but more so
that he hasn't bothered even texting me. I thought I meant more to him."
Nibbling on his pen cap, Dr. Dull mmhmm'd. "Joshua, perhaps you should use Travis's absence
as a break and work on yourself. Go out, meet new people
and explore. Have you visited Affirmations like I've suggested?
JJ tugged his ear. "No."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I've planned to. But every
time, I get halfway there and turn back."
"It's okay to be scared, but we can't
let our fears rule us. Perhaps you could take off community service one day a
week and go there instead?"
JJ nodded, and they agreed he'd try going
there this Friday for their youth drop-in. They spent the rest of his session
talking about how things were going with his parents. While they'd been home
more lately, they spent most of their time going to charity events and dinner
parties, forcing him to come so he could network. It took all his willpower not
to go off on them, but he'd managed to stay calm using the techniques Dr. Dull
had taught them.
As the week rolled along, JJ's nerves
ratcheted up, and when Friday came, he was a hot mess. He'd thought about
bailing, but Dr. Dull called to check up on him, and they talked briefly about
his fears.
"Joshua, you don't have anything to fear. Just
go there, and if after ten minutes you don't like, you can go home."
He agreed and set out for the bus stop.
***
Palms wet, JJ asked
the woman at the reception desk where the youth drop-in was located. She smiled
and told him it was located in the basement and gave
him directions.
When he entered the room, there were kids with
multicolor hair, some with tattoos and piercing, others wore pride flag pins or
stickers.
"Welcome!" a tall guy a few years older said.
He introduced himself as Cody and asked him to sign in. Afterward, they went
around the room introducing themselves, some giving their pronouns. When it was
his turn, JJ faltered before saying, "Hi. I'm JJ, he/him, I'm gay and like
anime, video games, and writing poetry."
They welcomed him and Nicky, a girl wearing a
trans pride pin and an electric pink mohawk, waved him over. She asked him
where he was from, and they chatted a bit before Cody called them to order.
"JJ, you're in luck. Today we'll be
screening Fullmetal Alchemist:
Conqueror of Shamballa."
While Cody set up the DVD player and
projector, JJ and the others got snacks from the café and picked a seat. He
chose to sit next to Nicky and Ryan, who identified as lesbian and had a tattoo
of "beauty" and "beast" on her arms.
They settled in, and the movie started. He'd
seen it before and spent the time chatting with the girls. It was nice being
able to be so open about himself and his likes. They asked him about his
poetry, and he blushed, saying he wasn't that good. They told him about a
monthly open mic night and writing group the center hosted and told him he
should try out some of his poems.
"Maybe," he mumbled.
Afterward, Cody thanked everyone for coming
out and came over to JJ. "Hey, I'm glad you made it tonight. A group of us
usually hits up White Castle or Coney Island. You wanna
come with? You can ride with me."
Cody flashed his brilliant smile, and JJ
swooned. "I--"
His phone played his parents' ringtone, and
when he answered it, his father demanded to know where he was.
"With friends."
"Well, come home. Your mother and I are
throwing a dinner party, and guests will be arriving shortly."
"Okay," he said, but what he really
wanted to say was, "Fuck you."
He ended the call. "Another time," he
told Cody."
Cody smiled again. "I'll hold ya to that.
***
JJ came back the next week and the week after
that, but he kept blowing off Cody's invites to eat. Part of him liked the
older teen, and if JJ were being honest, he thought Cody was hot with his
scruffy goatee and bedhead blue hair.
He did take them up on the open mic night and
had been working on a poem all month, but now that the night had arrived, he
was scared shitless.
"Ugh." He threw up in the toilet, then washed
his mouth out. Cody rushed over. "Dude, are you okay? You look pale--well paler
than usual."
"Nerves," he said, and dry heaved.
"Hang tight," Cody said, leaving and returning
with a bottle of Vernors and saltines from the café.
JJ thanked him, and once his stomach settled,
he went over his poem again. As he read the last line, they called his name.
With sweat-slicked shaky hands, he took the mic and introduced himself. "I'm
JJ, and this poem's entitled, `Seen.'
"From my red-orange hair and skin so fair to
my eyes so green, I am a human being and demand to be seen. Look up from your
screens and see me . . . all of me. I'm more than the sum of my parts; I'm a
lover of the arts, a gamer, a mischief-maker, heartbreaker, faker, no bs taker,
a prankster, but no court jester. I may be short but have the heart of a lion.
I don't mean to be mean, but I'm done crying, done trying to be who I'm not,
done hiding who I am; I'm a gay teen. Whether you accept that or not, I'm a
human being and deserve to be seen."
When he was done, the crowd went silent. Then
they burst into applause. JJ reveled in the moment, basking in the knowledge
something he wrote affected so many people. Nicky and Ryan came over and
congratulated him.
"See, that wasn't so hard," Cody said,
ruffling up JJ's hair.
Ryan nodded. "You slayed
the house down, dude."
JJ's cheeks warmed. "It wasn't that good, and
I should've added more imagery."
They told him he was crazy and made him
promise to read more of his poetry at the next open mic night. He reluctantly
agreed but declined their invitation to grab dinner.
"Come on, JJ," Cody begged.
"Naw. I have to go home and get started on my next piece. I wouldn't
want to disappoint my fans."
Cody ruffled his hair again. "Okay, but you're
coming with us next time."
JJ laughed him off and walked toward the bus
stop. On the ride home, he couldn't stop smiling, and he couldn't remember a
time he was happier. Maybe he didn't need Travis as much as he
thought?
Author's Note: We're hurtling towards the
climax of the book, only 5 chapter (plus the epilogue) to go.
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