For years and years, I've always asked myself why I liked Felix Corbel. More precisely, why was I attracted to him? How could he draw the strings around me and pull me in helplessly like a ragdoll? Still, after so many frustrating nights and days, I couldn't come up with a reasonable answer.

I liked him. That was it.

I once tried something ridiculous to know exactly why I liked Felix. Not long ago, I locked myself inside my room for one whole day and taped sheets of paper on one side of my bedroom walls before forming a map out of everything in my head. Probably, a map of my heart as well. It didn't take much for me to know that whenever I thought of Felix, my heart became too loud. So, whatever reason was in my head for liking him, those frequent skipping beats in my chest must have had something to do with it.

With some strings and a marker, I wrote one word and connected it to another before forming a grid or web of interrelated stuff which I thought were...interrelated. I learned of this technique from movies and TV shows. A piece of evidence or a clue was designated on a map then a string ties it to another lead before eventually having all strings point to one thing on the wall. It was a convenient technique. And, unsurprisingly, all my strings led to an old picture of Felix and me laughing together.

Why did I like Felix Corbel?

One clue, right at the top corner of my hand drawn map, was music.

* * *

He pressed play, we listened and there was definitely no `tumble' in the words that came next. Tongue tied. Those were the right words. Tongue would have been enough to spare me from the punishment.

"That's not fair!" I yelled. "It's s'posed to be tumble!"

Felix just giggled at me and held his forefinger closer to my face. I knew right then that I couldn't argue my way out of this.

It felt slimy and cold on my nose. I made an ugly face and wrinkled my nose, but Felix continued tracing a line of that concoction down to my upper lip. It was mustard mixed with ketchup, mayonnaise and some chili sauce. The consequence for guessing the lyrics wrong was to try and lick the sliminess off the tip of my nose and upper lip. I had a quite short tongue and it was very hard to do the licking.

"You look funny!" Felix quipped and laughed.

I pouted at him and licked my upper lip, successfully getting rid of the sliminess. Now for the tip of my nose.

"Woohoo! Go chase!" he cheered me on.

I tried and tried, but it only gave me a pain in the neck. When I grew frustrated and Felix was still laughing his heart out, I pounced on him and pinned him on the floor of his bedroom. The earphones dropped from our ears and the wire laced around my waist down to his.

"You haven't finished yet," he told me, holding down what little remained of his laughter.

"Yep!" I said and took his right hand to my face. His forefinger still had that colourful stuff on its tip and I knew what I wanted to do right then. I took his finger to my nose and wiped the slime off before putting it into my mouth. It only went a little bit inside, but it tasted great. I didn't mind the chili sauce.

"Uhm," he stuttered, looking up at me bewilderedly.

I smiled with his finger still in my mouth. I wondered what he thought of what I did. I, on the other hand, felt my chest tighten for a second or two.

"Tastes funny," I mumbled and he finally returned my smile.

* * *

Felix Corbel made listening to music more fun than I would've thought of it. He accompanied the lyrics with his own silly comments and played with the tone in between his chuckles. Even in the middle of a really depressing song which got us staring at each other while the chorus played, it would only take a little curve at the corner of his lips to make me smile and eventually laugh out so loud.

No song was too sad and not a single one could be happier.

Felix made me appreciate music and I liked him because of that.

On the opposite corner of my grid was a portrait of him, clearly showing his green eyes.

* * *

All because his eyes were just the perfect shade of green, all on its own, and Felix Corbel always acted like there was a different world that only he could see.

* * *

Now, though, his eyes looked different. He was completely inside his own world and probably forgot about this one. If I looked hard enough, his eyes would look like discs, spinning and spinning wildly and leaving me dizzy and dazed with what was inside his head.

I shook the thought off my mind and followed the string that led from the photo to the next sheet of paper on my grid. Smile.

* * *

I shrugged and took the earphones from his hands. I put it on and waited for him to press play. This time, I heard rap music. Censored, of course. Regardless of the lack of swearing and grinding words, I couldn't concentrate on the music. How could I when Felix was sitting in front of me, his eyes awaiting my reaction and his lips curved into that cute smile of his?

* * *

Smile. Felix Corbel needed to smile more often.

I never saw him smiling once he and his family moved back to their old house. God knows I wanted to see him smiling, but it only seemed like a memory.

I sighed and went over the next detail on my grid. Blushing, I wondered why I even wrote that up there. Sexy.

* * *

It lay stuck on my mind though. What did Felix hide under his briefs? Was it as white as the rest of his skin? Was it even as smooth as mine?

* * *

It was only natural that I got more and more curious with how Felix looked like without his shirt or shorts on. Maybe, without even his undies. Did he still wear briefs? I'd imagine he would. I couldn't deny it. As much as there was something in him that pulled me in, the physical attraction was just as strong.

I never thought about it back then during our sleepover. Now, though, I wished he pulled his undies down and not just the elastic forward.

Felix Corbel made me tingly in my gut and under my shorts.

The rest of the grid on my wall had everything about him. His hair, how he blushed, how he pouted and generally everything else I could think of. All those strings I pinned on my wall converged to one picture.

The photo where we were laughing together. How was I to connect everything to that one photograph? How was I to end up there again?

I grunted in frustration and fell on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and still thinking of Felix. Glancing to my side, I found my phone with my headphones plugged into it. I had been listening to some old music earlier, remembering what I should not forget and try to bring back.

I reached for my phone, scanned my playlist and, at the very last minute, deleted everything on it. Then, I opened the voice recorder and turned my thoughts into words for the first time.

"Felix," I spoke into my phone. "It's me. Chase."

Felix would listen perhaps if I gave him a playlist instead of me mumbling in front of him.

I pressed stop and clutched the phone to my chest. I unplugged my headphones before playing the recorded message. It would have to do, I decided. I just hoped it would.