Date: Mon, 11 Oct 2021 10:50:14 -0400 From: AB Subject: Researching dick with Josh - part 1 A young friends story When Mark looks back at his early teenage years, it's painful how oblivious he was to his sexuality and his desire for boys. He was interested in seeing naked guys and penises, but in his mind, Mark justified it as "research." It wasn't sexual, rather, he was just interested in seeing how a boy's body transformed into a man's body, penises developed, their size, and the growth of pubic hair. He told himself it was about understanding how his developing body compared to a "normal" boy, and how he stacked up against others his age. It wasn't about the thrill of seeing the naked bodies. And if he happened to get a boner while looking at this stuff or thinking about it, well, that's just a natural reaction. It wasn't because he liked boys. With hindsight, Mark's developing years would have been more enjoyable if he just pieced all this together and was able to accept that these thoughts and feelings meant that he actually liked boys. Mark's childhood best friend was Josh, and in reflection, his first love. Schoolmates and fast friends, they shared an interest in movies and baseball. Josh played baseball, while Mark watched it. The pair were similar in appearance with athletic ability being how they contrasted. At 12, Mark was about 5' 3" with Josh an inch or two taller. Both boys were blond - Mark's hair was more a pure blond, and Josh's was a dirty blond with more brown color. Both were naturally thin, with Mark on the skin and bones side, and Josh more of an athletic cut, with ever so slight muscles from the sports he played. Both had blue eyes and fair, white complexions. Despite their similarity, no one would ever mistake them for brothers. They were inseparable in school, but Mark's family moved away before sixth grade. Mark didn't move too far, but enough distance was between their houses that it made hanging out together more of a challenge. They still went to summer camp together, a day camp, that kept their friendship going through their early teenage years. Their friendship would turn sexual, but it took a long, awkward path to get there. It's important to note that Mark and Josh grew up in a pre-internet age. Information about sex was hard to obtain. Most of what the kids knew about sex was spread by kids that heard things from older brothers and sisters. Explainations were incomplete, and they filled the gaps with stupid kid ideas. Boys understood sex and puberty in a textbook sense, clinical perspectives and technical words. But how all of this plays out in real life was strange and confusing. Mark wasn't exactly a late bloomer - with highsight, he understands that his dick matured ahead of most of his peers - but he lacked an understanding of what to do with it. He didn't understand the mechanics of masturbation for years, and when he finally figured it out... well, we'll get there. Mark and Josh slowly figured out these things together. It started with innocent play. It would surprise no one that a group of 12 year-old boys in summer camp are constantly thinking and joking about sex. And yet sex was shameful. It was common to make fun of someone by accusing them of thinking about sex, or having a boner or jerking off. That made you a deviant. Even though they all did! And the boys thought nothing of calling each other about gay or accusing each other of being fags. If your eyes wandered and someone thought you were looking at down at their shorts, you'd be told to stop being a fag. Mark wanted to look. But he knew he had to be subtle about it. Remember, he didn't like boys. He was only researching how big their bulges were and how it compared to his. Nobody was packing much, but that didn't matter. One odd game that developed among the group was Gaylord. The word was another way to call each other fags, but to be a Gaylord meant you were really a fag. Top among all others gays. The game evolved where someone would accuse another boy of being a Gaylord and the label was stuck to you. The only way you could be free of it is if you could get another boy to be a Gaylord by grabbing their dick. Yes, touching another boy's dick made you less gay and make the boy who got touched more gay. The stupid kid logic was that they wanted to be touched or they let you do it, because they're gay. Mark dreaded this game. Despite his scientific study of dicks, he didn't want to play. On some level he understood he was an actual gaylord, but more specifically he was terrified of another boy grabbing his dork. Mark was sure his penis was small and he was falling behind in his development. He wanted to hide his immaturity and if he was ever found out, surely he'd die. "Stop being a Gaylord!" the game began one day, with a boy Sam accusing Ari of the crime. A group group of three boys were sitting on a dugout bench by a softball field while someone dared to be gay. Ari was quick to act - reaching toward the crotch of the third boy to be rid of the label. "Andy's the real Gaylord!" he explained as he reached for Andy's thing. Andy covered his dick with both hands to stop Ari before he could make contact. The two boys grappled with each other in a playful way. Their hands were locked together and each trying to break free. Mark was watching this game, standing by the dugout bench, when Ari freed one of his hands from Andy's grip and took a quick swipe toward Mark. The back of Ari's hand whapped against the bulge in Mark's shorts. Oh no. "Looks like Mark's the Gaylord now!" Ari proclaimed. "Gaylord! Gaylord! Gaylord!" Andy chanted for good measure. How much of Mark's dick was registered by Ari's knuckles, he wondered, but that thought left him quickly as he turned to getting rid of the Gaylord curse. "No fair!" Mark yelled, "I'm not gay!" He reached back for Ari's dick but the boy turned on his side and pulled his knees to his chest to block access. "Stay away from me, fag!" Andy warned. Mark was desperate and his cheeks were turning red with shame. The other boys who gathered around were enjoying his torment. He tried to grab boy after another boy with no success. Mark wasn't that agile and an easy target. He reached for Freddy but missed. Craig jumped out of the way. And there was Josh. Josh was covering himself with both hands but Mark gave it a go anyway. He reached and Josh pushed him back. Mark went for it again and the two danced around each other like they were fencing. On his third or fourth attempt he nearly got it. Josh was getting lazy and Mark figured he could get it if he kept trying. Another attempted grab and at the last minute it appeared Josh dropped his hand. Mark grabbed the bulge in Josh's shorts and gave it a quick squeeze. Wow. Did Josh let him do that? Did Josh want him to do it? "You're gay now," Mark explained to him. The game continued on for a few minutes until one or their counselors came by telling them to break it up. It was time for an arts and crafts activity. Mark couldn't get the thought out of his head. Josh let him grab his penis. That night, at home, he laid in bed that night and tried to figure it out. He tried to piece together what Josh's dick must be like based on his quick feel. As he got lost in his thoughts, he realized he had a raging boner in his pajama pants. It's just research, he reminded himself.