Date: Fri, 16 Jul 2021 23:56:49 +0000 From: Josey Aalto Subject: Seventh Grade Sucks. My best friend returned to Michigan just in time for the first day of seventh grade after spending the summer with his dad in Washington state. Since meeting and becoming good friends two years before, I had gradually realized he was by far the most attractive boy in my class. Then I realized I didn't like any girls in my class. I spent the night over with him Friday of Labor Day weekend, at his moms boyfriend's place. We were just watching MTV and getting turned on by trash and I just decided to ask him if I sucked his dick if he would suck mine. Over the summer I had discovered internet gay porn and how much I enjoyed it. My chest was pounding as I said the words and my brain went a little foggy. He must have felt something similar because he paused for a second, as if wondering if what he just heard was real, and said OK. Honestly I didn't really care about him sucking me. I wanted to suck him. I wanted to know what it was like to have a penis in my mouth, but was also super terrified at and didn't want to seem too gay. We lived in a very small town and I didn't know even a single gay person at that time. So he slowly pulled down his waist band and took his cock out. I stared at it and started to lower myself but it was like there was an invisible wall blocking me from going to him. I was so scared. I turned away and immediately afterwards he said no and shoved his piece back in his shorts. We kind of laughed it off after that and nothing more happened that night. His mom was in the process of moving into her own house so on Saturday I went to the new place with him and happened to end up alone while his family went to load up the moving truck. We looked around and went in his new room together which had little else besides a futon mattress on the floor. I decided to proposition him again because I couldn't stop thinking about it. Same terms. He seemed like he was waiting for me to ask and said, "OK but actually do it this time." I asked him to help me out. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth wide. He stepped forward and put his stiff cock right in my mouth. I backed off to reset myself but the hesitation was gone. I opened my mouth again and wrapped my lips around his young cock, sucking back and forth like in the videos. He was moaning softly and put his hand on my head. I kept sucking him and touching his soft butt, finding out what precut felt like in my mouth. After a couple minutes I stopped to tell him it was his turn, making sure we were in on this pact together. I laid back and he started licking around my shaft and head. He did ok but I kept thinking about how much I liked sucking on him, so when he stopped and told me to do it longer I happily obliged, continuing sucking penis in my first ever sexual encounter with another human being. I had never even kissed a girl at that point. That's when the guilt and fear began to creep back. I remember laying back looking at the ceiling thinking "wow I'm gay" and being super ashamed. I wasn't crazy religious but was a Christian and so was he. We both started to fear hellfire I think. I'm pretty sure I even saw him pray for forgiveness while still in the room. He asked if I wanted to 69 but I couldn't at that point. I just had the heaviest feeling, because it was such a lifetime event and I didn't even know what to think or do. We never crossed that line again. He had football practice and I didn't play but I went with him and hung around, riding his Razor scooter and just feeling so guilty. Later on we still were hanging out and I was feeling a bit easier being around him again. We hinted at it maybe a little with eyes and hand gestures so I thought he was still thinking about it and there was still some chance of trying again. That night there was a "party" if you could even call it that. More like middle schoolers up to no good but no drugs and maybe a couple stolen beers. The girl he'd been dating the past couple school years asked him out almost immediately and of course he said yes before she finished the words. Devastated. Talk about feeling like a worthless nothing. You better believe he never mentioned us again and I went back to feeling ashamed, a 7th grade closet queer. Then I was alone at the lame party to be teased by the class asshole while my friend played kissy with that tall bony bitch. I had a crush on him for years. When I grew up enough to get over being ashamed for wanting a boy, I would fantasize about what could have happened if I didn't get petrified in his room back then. I wanted him to take my virginity in the worst way. It just wasn't meant to be. I'd look at him naked in the gym shower at school and have to hide my hard on. Once we were masturbating separately. He had a different girlfriend at that time but the "straights" in my school would play with their dicks all the time in front of each other so no one thought much of it. When he wasn't looking I saw him cum. Looking at the white load squirting from his cock took my breath away. My dick immediately went to fully hard and all I could do was replay that over in my head. Literally the hottest thing I'd ever seen at that point. Eventually we grew apart. He hung out with sports bros and I hung out with the weirds. He dated all these hot girls and I was mostly single. I still think about the boy he was then, and who I was. I'm sure now he felt the same as I did at the time but was just so terrified of those feelings he couldn't cope. I know I was scared.