Disclaimer: This work is of pure fiction and any resemblance of the characters and settings to real life persons, events, circumstances, etc. is purely coincidental. This work involves the youthful discovery and pursuit of love between two teenage boys in contemporary time. If you are not a fan of this kind of literature, please proceed somewhere else. This is not a quick jack off story.
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A/N: I had to relearn html because this chapter needed a lot of formatting. *sigh*. Anyway, this should serve as a guide in reading this:
Paragraphs in italic are intended to be as flashbacks, except for the first set of paragraphs in italic which is supposed to be a written letter. Otherwise, all other paragraphs in regular, unformatted font adheres to the present time perspective.
Copyright kkrimson 2013
Chapter 5
~ A New Note ~
~*~*~*~
I inspected the delicate thing in my hands. It really was beautiful to look at. As much as I pretended not to feel sad or painful, I could only keep up such a façade in front of everyone else. When it was only me, the memories lingered, with Andre's face smiling at me while waving from a distance. I could only hope to reach him or shout out to him that I see him and I'm coming his way. But I couldn't reach him. He couldn't hear me, let alone, see me. He was so far from me now. His voice sounded in my ears, bringing me such melody I that longed to hear again. I could only wish for my name to be spoken through those beautiful lips of his. And I doubted myself if I did let him go. But that was that. He's gone, while I'm left alone without any trace of him. I shoved the key chain back in my pocket and started reading a letter which was carefully kept between the pages of my music book.
Dear Peter,
I'm sorry that it has all come to this. Trust me when I say that if I had my own way, things would never end up like this. I hope you understand. I know how hard it is for us – for you – to let this sink in. It has kept me awake at night for the past days. I could only think of how many sleepless nights and glum days this would bring you.
I want you to know – need you to know – that we are not breaking up. I don't ever want that to happen. But if time does bring us separation, know that I will always love you. I know I can't promise that for the years to come since I won't be seeing you in person anymore for god knows how long. Yet, it kind of feels right to have something to ever be hopeful for.
As for now, I want you to keep the key chain I gave you and never ever lose it. I hope that when the day comes for us to meet again, you'd still remember me and show me how you've kept my gift safe all these years. Lastly, I want you to know that I'd never grow tired of being in love with you. Let's both see this through and I promise you that we will never part again.
Love, Andre.
~*~*~*~
I read Andre's letter for the fifth time tonight and I could still feel the strong feelings he had for me in each word he'd written. I've kept it with me ever since we parted ways. And his gift always found its way to my pocket every once in a while. I think it might have provided me with some comfort, knowing that I still had a part of him constantly with me. Or as he put it, it gave me something to hope for. Even so, I'm losing every bit of hope with each passing day. It's been almost three years since I last saw him and a lot has already changed. For one thing...
"Peter, on stage. Now."
I sighed deeply, knowing well to keep my emotions in check before delivering my most awaited performance. My years under Ms. Jane paid off as I became the lead vocalist in one of my school's sponsored bands. Kieran, Jacob and Emery, some new friends I've gathered over the past year, played the drums, guitar and bass, respectively. They're all very good, but I wasn't one to be outshined.
"Hey, Peter. You Okay?" Kieran asked, genuinely concerned. I haven't been acting myself for the past couple of days and it showed.
"Yeah," I forced a smile. "Just thinking."
"Don't think too much. Just relax and maybe we could talk about what's bothering you after tonight," he offered.
"Thanks. I'd like that." I got to the stage and prepared myself to play the piano. I didn't play any other instrument aside from the piano, guitar and my voice.
The curtains hid the faces of the crowd that was growing restless with each passing minute. I smiled, knowing that they were anxious for us to play.
"Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. Our next performer for tonight is a four-man band from Miller High. Let us all welcome them."
I could hear echoing applause as the announcer finished introducing us while the curtains were pulled back. The blinding spotlight prevented me from seeing anyone in particular in the audience except those in the front seats. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply to hopefully calm my anxious nerves. Doing this, I managed to take myself back in time with Andre's voice seemingly getting louder.
~*~*~*~
"...Peter. I need to tell you something," Andre seemed worried.
"Is something wrong?" I asked hastily.
"It's...There's..." he was suddenly cut off by Ms. Jane's directing voice.
"Okay, everyone. Let's give this our best shot," she turned to both Andre and me and gave us a reassuring smile.
"Let's talk later. We've got a crowd to sing to," as quickly as he walked towards the stage, Andre's sullen voice vanished and I was left pondering on what he was about to say.
"Andre! Wait," I caught up behind him and gave him a questioning look.
"Don't worry about it. It's no big deal and I'll tell you as soon as we finish our performance."
Upon reaching the stage, we arranged ourselves based on how we practiced. Andre stood beside me with his own microphone. I adjusted mine just so it would accommodate my less privileged height.
The first notes were carefully played by Ms. Jane on the piano. After a few more distinguished notes, Andre sang the opening.
We were holding the annual Christmas Musical sponsored by our local theatre. My mom managed to secure our own little school for music a part in the program. We were to perform five selected songs. Ms. Jane gladly accepted the offer as she thought this would be one way to show off our much improved talents. Andre and I were to sing for the whole duration and the rest of the students played their own instruments.
Erika's group was arranged to our right playing their guitars. Our very own young pianists agreed to take turns on playing the grand piano with Ms. Jane going first. The theatre's own band offered to back us up with any other instrumentals we needed. In all, we were a small group, but our talents and passion for music were not to be taken lightly.
The first song we did was one that I regarded as something very close to my heart. It was only right for Andre to do the opening. It was Silent Night. It brought me back to the time when we first met and reminded me how much I've fallen for this boy. Considering where I stood with him now, I've fallen deeper than I ever imagined.
Looking at Andre as he began singing the piece, I saw how peaceful he looked. It bothered me how he managed to remain so calm despite the urgency and worry in his voice earlier. I shook that from my thoughts and reminded myself where I was. I passed a look to my family which was seated at the front row and saw my mom giving me a warm smile and my dad a gentle nod. As for Kyle, he remained ever supportive with his unreadable expression.
Andre's part soon came to an end and my cue arrived. I opened my mouth and found strength in my own voice and Andre's reassuring smile as he looked at me from the corner of his eyes.
We both sang the last part of the song as we both looked at each other. For the time being, my worries and fears were gone as I held Andre's eyes in mine. Our voice finally complemented each other. I was proud of myself for that. It took me several months to finally find my own voice and blend it perfectly with his. The audience applauded generously as we ended the first song for this night. Ms. Jane gave both of us a warm smile and her pride for her students was clearly shown in her gleaming eyes.
~*~*~*~
"Well, good luck to us," Jacob drew me out of my thoughts as he said that.
The applause slowly fell silent and I played the intro on the piano skillfully. We were performing our own version of What About Love by Lemar, accompanied with a bass, guitar and drums.
My voice reached deep down into my heart as I sang the first stanza. I needed to find something to draw my emotions from. And I was comforted to find Andre in there. His smiling face became clearer in my thoughts as I closed my eyes. I could hear nothing except his wonderful laughter and my own voice inside my head.
Sure enough, I felt a lone tear travel down my cheek as I got to the chorus. But that only made the song more genuine to me. It managed to draw out every emotion I've held back for a long time now. I was relieved to find some sort of release. Surprisingly, I found myself seated on a bench outside in the cool winter night with Andre's head hanging low as I searched for anything that might hint on what was bothering him.
~*~*~*~
"Peter," Andre started. "That was an amazing performance back there."
If it wasn't for the sadness in his voice, I would have been celebrating our success earlier. The audience clapped as hard as they could after we performed our last piece for the night. It was such an overwhelming feeling to be acknowledged by so many people. But the feeling was instantly doubled after seeing how proud I made my parents.
"Andre, what's wrong?" I was very concerned.
"It's all gone wrong, Peter. I don't even know where to start," his voice was shaken not because of the weather, but because of so much anxiety and fear.
"Tell me. I want to help out any way I can," I offered, moving closer to him and gently crossing my arms over to his shoulder to draw him into a hug.
"I just hate this, Peter. Of all the things, why this?" He was obviously frustrated but didn't withdraw from my warm embrace.
"Andre. You know you can tell me anything."
"It's just...," he took a deep breath in to calm his nerves. "It's my grandmother."
"What about her? Did something bad happen?" I urged him to continue.
"She had a heart attack a couple of days ago while taking a walk. People came to help her and I'm really thankful she's still alive," he paused, unsure whether to go on or not.
"That's great, Andre. I hope she gets better," I said quietly.
"That's the problem, Peter. She's paralyzed now and mostly bed ridden. My grandfather died before I was born so she has no one to take care of her. Her only son, my dad, is right here, miles away," he looked into my eyes, looking for some hint of dreadful realization on my part.
"And she doesn't want a caregiver to look after her. That just leaves my dad for that part," he continued.
In an instant, that dreadful realization hit me. It was like being hit hard by a speeding train in the middle of daylight.
"You mean..." I trailed off, not wanting to confirm my suspicion.
"Yes, Peter. My dad and I are moving back to Sweden. And we're leaving before Christmas. That's the day after tomorrow," Andre confirmed what I feared the most.
I let the information sink in for a while. I couldn't comprehend why this had to happen. Andre and I would be separated by a vast and treacherous ocean, thousands of miles apart. I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing Andre. I loved him too much to ever be set apart by damn fate. This was not true. This couldn't be true.
"Peter, I'm sorry. I couldn't do anything," he had tears falling from his eyes, staining his beautiful face.
"I understand Andre. We both know that you couldn't have prevented this." I tried to be the understanding lover that Andre needed me to be. Despite my words, I couldn't let myself accept that this was happening for real.
"We'll never get to see each other again. I don't want that to happen Peter. I'm scared shit. I can't just pack my bags and leave like nothing ever happened." He held my hand tightly in his. I squeezed his hand to hopefully calm him.
"I know Andre. I'm afraid, too. I'd miss you so much that I don't know what I'd do without you. But..." I searched for the right words to say, but nothing came to my mind. "But this is all for the better. I'm not saying that you leaving is good. Your grandmother is your family. I'd understand why your dad just couldn't abandon her."
"Yeah, you're right. But if I just had my own way..."
"Don't say that," I cut him off. "I know this is hard, but don't ever think that. Besides, we can keep in touch online and on the phone. I'll stay up late at night and wait for you to sign in so we could chat every day. If Sweden ends up ahead in time zones, I hope you'd stay up late and wait for me to sign in after I get home from school." I gave him a smile to hopefully lighten the mood.
"I'd do so much more than that, Peter," he returned a small smile and inched even closer to me.
As it was already late at night and we were seated on some lone bench under a tree in a nearby park with only one lamp post shining its dim light on us, we kissed, knowing that no one would see us. Despite the cool breeze, Andre's lips were warm on mine. It made me feel warmer than when I am seated in front of a fire place.
The kiss was chaste and innocent. As much as we kissed each other over and over again as far as I could remember, the innocence still lingered in us. It wasn't shy in any way. It was just gentle and very comforting for both of us.
We broke the kiss and I somehow felt relief in my heart. I've settled with the thought that this was just one of the countless hurdles Andre and I would have to go over. Hopefully, this would strengthen our relationship despite the overly stretched distance pulling us apart. There was no way I could ever back away from my love for Andre. And there was no way I could let any fucking fate distort our relationship. As confident as I was, I'd want fate to try tearing us apart and see for itself that it was just impossible.
We walked home that night as Andre was sleeping over at my house. This new ordeal only brought us closer to each other and I was really thankful that Andre was staying over. It was going to be a long and painful holiday for both of us and I want Andre to feel as secure and loved as I could ever let him. I felt deep within that this night was going to be special.
~*~*~*~
"And tell me baby what about us..." I was brought back to the present when I finished the song. I could tell that my cheeks were a bit damp from the tears I shed. I just wished that it wasn't obvious to the audience that I was crying.
We were applauded quietly at first, but as soon as the others joined in, an encore was heartily requested. Only the announcer prevented us from granting one.
"Okay, settle down now. We all loved their performance and wish for more, but we still have several line ups to account for. So, moving on. Let me call our next performers," the announcer called out the next group as we gathered our instruments and got off stage.
"Peter! That was so great man!" Emery patted my shoulder, sporting a huge grin.
"Yeah, Peter. That was so much soul in there. We really felt that," Jacob joined in.
"Thanks guys," I said quietly. I managed to wipe away any hint of tears from my face earlier.
"Come on guys. Let's watch the others play," Kieran suggested which sent Jacob and Emery towards the rest of the audience. He remained at my side as I didn't bother to move. "You need someone to talk to?" he added.
"Thanks, Kieran," I offered him a small smile which he returned with his own.
"No worries man. I'm here for you whenever you need me. By the way, you were amazing back there," he said as we started our way towards the door in the backstage that led outside.
We settled for a patch of grass underneath the night sky. There were no visible stars as the city lights scattered all over Dallas outshined them. I wished for even just one star, but couldn't find one despite my efforts. I sighed as we sat down.
"So, what's been bothering you?" Kieran began.
"I'm just thinking of someone. I really miss him, Kieran," I confessed.
By this time, I was out to my family and mostly to my close friends as well. We've kept the whole school oblivious as I thought that I still wasn't ready for that. My mom and dad took it well, despite my initial fears of getting disowned. Surprisingly, Kyle told me that he'd known for a long time that I was gay. He even reminded me of that time when he suggested that the scent of strawberries would suit me. He knew I'd love it even though it has absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality. Well, as far as he said, it was his way of accepting me for who I am. He was my brother, after all.
My friends from way back in preschool didn't mind at all. They even remarked that it was nice to have a gay friend who could comment or recommend on their taste for fashion. I retorted that I had no knowledge in fashion whatsoever despite that stereotype set upon gay people. Having confessed to them brought another wonderful change in my life.
"It's Andre, isn't it?" he asked.
It didn't surprise me that Kieran had that suspicion. I told him long ago, quite some time after my out-of-the-closet experience, that I shared a previous relationship with Andre. I told him that it was during my time with Andre that I discovered who I really was. I left out the make out sessions, seeing that he might not be interested in any of that since he was straight as hell.
"I just miss him so much. We never really talked again for nearly a year now. It just left a hole in my heart, you know," I looked at the moon as I said this, settling for its eternal glow instead of some star's gentle twinkle that I couldn't even see.
"I always wonder how he's doing and why we didn't chat anymore. I know our long distance relationship was hard, but it was harder not knowing exactly how far apart we let ourselves drift away," I added.
"I'm sorry, Peter. I know it doesn't mean much, but I hope you'd see him again soon," he told me as he was absentmindedly dusting off the front of his jeans.
"I wouldn't know what I'd do if I did see him again. I couldn't just run to him and hug him. I just don't know what to expect - if he'd still be taller than me, if his voice changed or even if he just cut his hair short," I let out, frustrated.
"But you still want to see him, right?"
"I don't know. Maybe," I answered truthfully. As honest as I could be with myself, I really didn't know if I want to see Andre again. I miss him, but I'm doubtful with the seeing-him-again part.
"Sure you do. You can't stop thinking about him. If your thoughts could make someone appear, Andre would have been with you long ago," he simply said.
As impossible as that sounded, I knew for a fact that Andre never left my mind for so long. It was only during special circumstances that I found the guts to shove him back into the farthest corner of my thoughts.
"Back on stage," Kieran started. "While we were performing. You were crying, weren't you?"
I somehow felt embarrassed that he noticed. But I couldn't refute what he saw. What was I to say? That it was just sweat dampening my face? That's just gross.
"Yeah," I said, barely audible even to my own ears.
"Andre must mean so much to you if you were crying for him," he said, sincerely.
I wasn't crying for Andre. I was crying for myself. I did find some sort of release back then, but it wasn't enough to ever let Andre go. I was sad for my own dilemma. I wanted to forget Andre, as much as it seemed that he forgotten me. I never received any replies to the countless emails I sent him so it was safe for me to assume that I no longer concerned him. The thought of that hurt me, but I couldn't blame him. Maybe he'd found someone to take his mind off me. The same way I found someone to make me forget about him even just for the briefest of moments.
"I guess he does," I settled for that.
"So, what are you going to do now?" he asked, curious of what I was about to say.
"I just want to focus on my singing, I think. That and my current relationship. I want it to last and not just go away for some unknown reason. Well, for most part, I want to get over Andre," I said thoughtfully.
"You're an amazing singer Peter. I know you'd get far with that. As for your relationship right now, I only wish the best. And as for Andre, forget about him. He's just some dipshit who doesn't deserve you if he threw you away just like that."
I moved my hands to my side, over the left pocket in my jeans. I squeezed on it gently and felt the outlines of Andre's gift as I went over Kieran's advice. I didn't want to call Andre some dipshit, but he might as well be if he did just throw me away so easily. I breathed in deep and released my grip on my pocket. It had just occurred to me that the moon was really beautiful. Maybe beautiful enough to finally let me forget Andre's face.
"Thanks, Kieran. I appreciate you listening to me. You're a really good friend," I said as I looked to him.
He ran his fingers through his thick blonde hair and looked at me as well. His eyes, as far as I could see from the darkness surrounding us, looked sincere. The pale moonlight accentuated the details of his face. His long nose became very distinct, along with his pointed chin. He must've noticed me studying his face as he raised his straight eyebrows at me and flashed me a grin, outlined by his supple lips.
"Anytime, Peter. I know you'd do the same for me. Whenever you feel like talking, just come find me, okay?" he began to stand up and I did as well.
"I'll keep that in mind. We should go back in now. It's getting cold already," I suggested and instantly, we headed back inside just in time to hear the last verses of a song being performed.
"Hey you two! Where've you been?" Emery called out, waving to us from the fifth row of seats.
"Just went out for some fresh air," Kieran answered as we squeezed in with them.
"I'm telling you man, we got this in the bag. No one could sing as well as Peter!" Jacob said excitedly.
"We know that already. Still, it's fun seeing others try their best and fail anyway," Emery laughed as he said that.
"That's not a nice thing to say, Emery," Kieran remarked.
"What? I'm just being honest," Emery smiled and leaned back into his seat, `cheering' for the performers on stage.
As the winners for the different categories were announced, Emery was already preparing himself to stand up to claim our supposedly sure win. I was amused at my friend's confidence and felt kind of proud that they believed in me so much. Being the good friend that I was, I believed in them as well. I couldn't have gone up on that stage alone without their smooth accompaniment. They deserved the credit for all this as much as I did.
"And the winner for our R&B category is none other than," cue in the drumroll. "Miller High!"
It didn't take time for Jacob and Emery to run to the stage and claim our trophy. Kieran only gave me a reassuring nod as we both got up the stage at the same time. We gave a speech of some sort with Emery hogging the microphone. It was just a short thank you and all that stuff.
"What did I tell you?" Jacob turned to us as we got off the stage. "All in the bag."
As soon as the whole event was over, the crowd had almost instantly dissipated. Some pictures were taken at the request of our `fans' and who were we to turn them down? I breathed out as soon as that was all over, not really used to being hogged by so many girls. After quite a while, we headed out to celebrate our victory.
Just as soon as we got out the main entrance, my current lover was waiting for me with his back leaned on the building's wall. He approached me with a proud smile on his face.
"Hey," he said as soon as he got in front of me. I gestured for the rest of our group to go on ahead and I'll just catch up.
"Hey," I offered him a tired smile, but I welcomed his presence.
"Sorry I never made it on time. Practice was a bitch," he started as we took our own time walking down the path.
"It's okay, Luke. No harm done. I'm just glad you're here to pick me up," I teasingly said.
"Yeah, well, I didn't want you getting lost or something," he offered his own radiant smile. Over the years, he never lost the wonderful effect his smile had.
Luke and I ended up being together a few months after I lost connection with Andre. Maybe I was just so sad during those times and needed some comfort. As it happened, Luke was there for me. I never told him anything except that I wasn't feeling okay and he never bothered to question me. He just gave me a shoulder to cry on and even went out of his way to cheer me up. As time passed by, it only came natural that I developed some sort of connection with him. And since he already knew then that I was gay, he mustered enough courage to ask me out for a date. I was dumbfounded at first, not expecting this to come from him. Surprisingly, I was the first one he confessed to about him being gay. He was planning on telling the rest of our little group of best friends from preschool, but he wanted to come out to me first. As it turned out, he had a crush on me ever since we first met. Maybe I was just so oblivious to his hidden admiration or it was just hidden so well. I mean, he did all the stuff that regular boys do when we were growing up so I didn't bother to ask him anything about the subject. Also, I was so occupied by trying to figure out my own desires at such a young age.
I was unsure when I said yes. But in my mind, I was willing to give both of us a chance at being together. I still remember the first time we kissed and I was glad to have kept my mouth from blurting out someone else's name.
~*~*~*~
"A, you're adorable. B, you're so beautiful. Hmm hmmm hm..." I was absentmindedly singing to a song I recently remembered as I sat on my bed passing off time.
"That's a bit childish, don't you think?" Luke, who invited himself over to my house at the thought that I needed company, said.
"It's a good song," I admitted as I looked at him.
"Uh-huh. Why are you singing that anyway?" he turned to face me, forgetting his game on the Xbox.
"Oh, nothing really. I just remembered when we first met." I did thought back to when we first met. It sort of amused me, actually.
"You actually remember that? I can't even remember what I had for dinner last night," he said, putting down the controller and giving me his undivided attention.
"Of course I can. I'll tell you the story," I told him, excited and feeling quite sentimental as well.
"Great. Bore me out, will you?" he remarked sarcastically.
"Shut up. Now listen. Remember that bully from our class in kindergarten?" I looked at his eyes, searching for some hint of remembrance before continuing.
"Not really," he said, flatly.
"So I was new to your school and sitting alone in the play pen when he came over and started hitting my head with a toy hammer. It hurt, actually," I reminisced.
"I see now why you're retarded," he teased me.
"Asshole. Anyway, he started hitting me and I started crying, begging him to stop. The teacher went out for a bit, I think. Then this boy comes along and pushes him to the ground. He, the bully, was kind of pissed but got bored anyway so he just left," I thoughtfully continued.
"Then?" Luke urged me to go on as he stood up and made himself comfortable on my bed.
"I was still crying, in small hiccups. Then the boy, my rescuer, started picking up these blocks with printed letters on them. He handed them to me singing, 'A, you're adorable; B, you're so beautiful.' It was very hilarious, but also very comforting. I never thought I'd heard him sing like that. He ruined the whole song," I teased him this time.
"I'm sure he likes you a lot." He looked at me and held my gaze.
"Silly. You can't even remember who that boy was?" I tried to look hurt as much as possible.
"I don't really need any reminder," he said as he moved closer to me.
"Really? Well, 'A, you're adorable; B, you're so beautif..mmpfh," I was cut off by something wet and warm pressed on my lips. I was caught by surprise, but didn't fight back. I enjoyed the taste and felt the remnants of some old and lingering feelings resurface. It took me all I've got to stop myself from moaning Andre's name.
"Finally shut you up, didn't I?" he moved his face a few inches from my own and locked eyes with me once more.
"Mm-hmm." I couldn't say anything. I enjoyed the taste of Luke, but somehow felt guilty when I thought of Andre somewhere in the middle of our first kiss.
"Now I know why `K' means kissable," he whispered while smiling. Damn his smile and how captivating it was.
I hesitated at first, but seeing that I had nothing more to lose with Andre probably having moved on and away from me, I pulled Luke for another sweet kiss. This time though, Andre was pushed back into my mind. This taste was Luke and him only. I wanted that to leave an imprint on my mind. I was desperate for that to never leave my taste buds.
~*~*~*~
"Thanks for being so thoughtful," I said. "Wanna hang out with me and the band? We're celebrating our victory."
"I want to, but I can't. I have early morning practice tomorrow. I just needed to see you tonight," he said as he slowed down to a stop. I looked at him, wondering if there was something wrong.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"Nothing. I just missed you," he answered, holding my gaze and taking my hand in his.
"Luke, we're outside. Someone might see us," I whispered to him.
"Relax. There's no one here except us." He moved closer to me. "And Peter, I know there's something bothering you. You haven't been yourself lately. Tell me, please."
I felt guilty of causing Luke to worry over me. But I just couldn't tell him the whole reason why I was so down. Andre never really crossed my mind as I grew fonder of Luke. But recently, he refused to leave my thoughts alone. And I've never really talked to Luke about Andre. Aside from Kieran, Charlie [Andre's dad] and maybe my parents, too, no one else knew about what I shared with Andre. It wasn't because I was afraid to admit anything to Luke. I just wanted to forget what Andre and I had and never really talk about it anymore. Kieran was a special case. I trusted him because he was family. He was my cousin. I also trusted Luke, but perhaps not with every single one of my `secrets'. And besides, he never met Andre. It was no use talking about someone else when Luke and I could spend all of our time talking about us and exploring what we have.
"It's nothing. I just have a lot on my mind lately. This whole contest, the school project due for next week and a damn test two days from now. I'm just tired, I guess," I said convincingly.
Luke searched my eyes for something that might give away my lie. He must have found nothing when he finally sighed and released my hand. As it turned out, I got better at lying.
"I trust you, Peter. I just hope you trust me, too," he said, continuing down the path.
I caught up with him, tapping his shoulder. He turned to look at me while I surveyed our surroundings. Sure enough, I could see no one else lurking around. Although a bit hesitant, I leaned into him and gave his lips a quick, and maybe apologetic, kiss. He gently smiled and we continued walking.
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow at school. I'll just hang out with the band a bit and go home," I told him as we got to the sidewalk.
"Be careful, okay? And, I love you, Peter. I really do," his voice sounded so near, but I felt myself so far away, struggling with my emotions and recent dilemma.
"I love you, too, Luke. Don't worry. I'll be my old self again tomorrow," I flashed him a smile.
He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned to leave. I stared at his back for a while before deciding to catch up with my band mates. I needed something to take my mind off of all these troubles and maybe this little celebration thing might do the trick.
That night, after I went home and got ready for bed, I tried sorting out what was on my mind and mostly my emotions. I knew I loved Luke. There was no question in that. But I wasn't quite sure where Andre stood in my life. I knew that he was supposed to be just a part of my past, but he plagued me still. The one thing I couldn't figure out was whether I still have feelings for him or not. Or maybe, he just left such a big hole in my heart and quite a large question mark in my mind that was hastily left unanswered. Why did he just forget me like that?
Seeing that I was getting nowhere with my thoughts, I fell asleep tired of all I've been through in my life. Even in my sleep, Andre seemed unforgiving. He was not one to just disappear, even in my dreams.
~*~*~*~
"Andre, it's been a long night for us. Why don't we get some rest?" I offered as I led Andre into my room and we sat on my bed.
"I don't know if I can sleep at all, Peter. I just...I just want to feel you," he said as he squeezed my hand and looked at me with pleading eyes.
I, too, doubted if I can sleep. And Andre was in such a vulnerable state that I've never seen before that I couldn't prevent myself from just hugging him and making sure that he was not alone in this. I moved closer to him and sealed our lips.
Our kiss started gently. As far as I could tell, we were doing this rather slowly and dramatically. Andre had his head tilted to one side and I could feel his nose ghosting my own. There were no tongues involved for the first few seconds. Andre's lips on mine was enough to jump start this long awaited night. We remained like that, unmoving, our eyes closed, hearts beating faster and faster by the second. It seemed sacred, a picture perfect moment for any one's first kiss.
I felt his lips tremble a bit, opening slightly, allowing his tongue to beg for entry into my own. Without any hesitation, I parted my lips and met him halfway. Our eager tongues wrestled for a bit, topping over each other, twirling and dancing gracefully as we suck on each other's lips. Despite my closed eyes, I pictured Andre's lips and thought of how I craved for those thin, pink pleasure back when I first met him which only managed to look more appealing as soon as a smile graced its contours. I tried drawing out every fear that Andre harbored as I was willfully letting him take away all the doubts I had in me. Tonight, unlike any other night we spent together, was special. I trusted him and he trusted me as well. All that was left were the little remnants of our innocence, but we were finally willing to let go of that and just feel the entirety of one another. We were finally ready to take it a step farther.
Andre was in control of the whole situation as he pushed me down on my bed. I let him lead the way, knowing that he wouldn't do anything that would hurt me. Our kiss deepened, as the room around us got warmer and warmer. I felt feverish as I held onto the back of his neck, pulling him deeper into me. His right hand was against my chest and I wondered if he could feel the telltale rhythm of my heart. I could feel his breath on mine as I was chasing my own. There was just this hunger that seemed to have been kept in check for so long that it decided to no longer be ignored.
Our kiss slowed down to a sweet and passionate pace. We savored each other and made sure to never forget how each of us tasted. I couldn't exactly explain how Andre tasted as my tongue tried picking out his distinct flavor while it mixed with my own. Soon enough, the heat surrounding us could no longer be endured and we both decided that our shirts only got in our way. Andre removed his shirt first, briefly parting our lips. I started taking my shirt off, but his hand stopped me as he took on the task himself. My lust filled eyes lingered on Andre's body, soft and pale in the dim lit room as he reached up and over my head to remove my pitiful clothing. I felt like a little child, submitting myself to being undressed under the loving eyes of someone that tugged so strongly at my heart. I noticed how lean he was, admiring the soft curves from the sides of his abdomen down to his waist. I was sure that my eyes were clouded with no more reasons to ever want to stop, but with longing and eagerness.
"Beautiful," he whispered as I lay there all for him to admire. He brushed away some of my hair that covered my eyes. I blushed at his action and felt a faint smile cross my lips.
As Andre leaned into me once more, I could feel the warmth of his flesh on mine. He brought his right hand back on top of my chest, searching for my heart once again. I was sure he could feel it this time; the same way I felt his burning hands on my bare skin. He was really delicate to touch, but his lust spoke otherwise.
I had my arms around his waist as my hands formed several circles on his back. I inched over every outline that his body seemed to possess. I reached for his neck and found that curve under his unruly hair quite perfect. I felt the little goose bumps he had as I slowly moved down his spine, admiring how strong his shoulders felt. He moaned into me, reminding me how sexy that was to my ears. I felt him point his ass upward as his back arched, giving me lots of details on how beautifully he executed that and how flexible he seemed. Did my touch burn his skin as well?
Andre moved down slowly, parting our lips. He kissed my chin all over, leaving trails of his gentle sucking. I stifled a moan as he kissed between my chin and neck, feeling my hair stand up in absolute pleasure. For once, I didn't care having his kiss marks on me. And how I wish I'd have them for the rest of my life. He made his way down my chest as I moved my hands back to his neck, closing in on the strands of his hair. He sucked on my left nipple and circled it using his tongue while his left hand pinched on my other nipple, pulling at it and twisting it between his fingers. I threw my head back into my sheets. My hard nipples were enjoying this so much. I loved the way his skillful tongue managed to arouse every single hair on my body. I moaned deep, begging him not to stop.
"Mmm...that feels...so good Andre."
My erection throbbed within my jeans and I've never felt it to be so painfully clothed like that. Andre moved back up to my neck, dragging his tongue along the way. He couldn't seem to get enough of my neck as he nipped on that again, causing me to turn my head to one side to allow him even more access. As he was already straddling me, I felt his own hard dick rub on mine. His hips moved up and down, dry humping me. I could only arch my back and push into him, both of us struggling to keep it quiet. The fabric in between only made the friction more heated as he grinded into me.
"Andre...pants..," I managed to say.
Andre understood my plea as he soon pushed off of me, moved down and got off the bed where he unbuttoned his jeans and removed them in one swift motion. He still had his boxers on which was a sore in my eyes. I gasped when I was grabbed by the ankles and pulled down halfway with my legs dangling over the bed. He got closer and placed his right knee on the edge of the bed, tucked in between my parted legs. Carefully, he unbuttoned my jeans and released my throbbing erection from its prison. My boxers felt loose enough to hold such painful pleasure, but I wanted it gone for good. His hand stopped at the elastic of my boxers, as he looked up to me with a questioning look.
"Peter...Are you sure about this?" he asked.
"I want this Andre. And I trust you," I whispered back which earned a small nod from him.
I didn't feel my boxers removed at that instant. Instead, I felt Andre's hand go over the outline of my erection through the thin cloth. He rubbed on it, squeezing the glans between his fingers, pressing into it and running his hand down my length and under my balls. I laid my head back with my hands at my sides gripping on my sheets. I bit hard into my lip and fought back a moan that I was sure would be loud enough to be heard outside the hallway. My breath hitched as Andre went over my length several times, causing my body to shiver in pleasure and my hips to involuntarily thrust into his playful hand.
"Peter, you're leaking," Andre quietly said, amused.
"Aah...stop teasing...Andre!" the moan escaped my lips and I could only hope that no one heard us.
Andre slowly removed my boxers and revealed me to the world in all my glory. Despite how my room got a whole lot warmer around me earlier, my dick felt the cool air surrounding it. Time may have stood still as I neither heard any more sound nor felt any movement from Andre. I tilted my head towards him and found his face inches away from my member. He was kneeling on the floor. I felt his hot breath then, warming it considerably.
"Stop staring," I reminded him, feeling shy all of a sudden.
"I can't help it. Even down here, you're beautiful, with what little hair you have" he answered as he poked the glans of my circumcised dick with his finger.
His breath was much closer and soon I felt his wet tongue on my dick while his hand grabbed its length, stroking it. He circled his tongue, and I could only writhe in pure ecstacy. I gripped even tighter on my sheets as I felt the wet cavern that was Andre's mouth. I was surprised when it hurt, like something bit into me.
"Ow! Andre, that hurts," I whimpered.
"Sorry. No teeth then?" he said as he started again.
This time, Andre's mouth felt hotter than ever and without any more teeth digging into my dick as it moved in and out to the rhythm of his stroking hands. His tongue found pleasure in circling my glans and licking longer just under it. I couldn't see his face and couldn't exactly tell if he was enjoying this as much as I do. I gulped several times, trying hard to stifle my bothersome moans. I was already struggling to catch my breath as my head moved from side to side and my heart beat erratically. Another new sensation sent me even higher when I felt his other hand cup my balls. He rolled it gently in his hands, turning it over to one side and the other and I could only feel it get tenser by the second. I don't know if it was by mistake, but his index finger managed to slip past my balls and poke at my butthole a couple of times which sent bolts of pleasure throughout my body. His strokes quickened and his mouth only got warmer and warmer. I could only endure for so long.
"Andre...Ooh...I'm gonna...I'm..Aah!" I was at lost for words as my moans overpowered my vocabulary when I felt my dick twitch uncontrollably inside Andre's mouth.
A few seconds later, I felt myself explode as the little amount of cum that I was able to produce invaded Andre's mouth. He took it like a man, and swallowed it. Or maybe he just didn't want to make a mess of my sheets. I was panting senselessly when Andre finally slid my dick out. This was so much different than when I played with myself. The joy of masturbation, as I learned of it, was nowhere near the heaven that Andre sent me to. I raised my head to look at him and saw a little of my own juice on his lips. It was clear, but the little light in my room hinted on its trace along Andre's adorable lips. He was smiling gently at me.
"That was the best, Andre. Oh god. You were awesome." I laid my head back down and felt Andre move up to lie by my side.
I locked eyes with him and he kissed me. I got a taste of myself and decided that it wasn't so bad as long as it was Andre letting me have it.
"I was great, wasn't I?" he proudly said after we broke the kiss.
"Well, yes. But not as great as me," I declared, as I moved on top of him and straddled him this time. I leaned into him, and once again, started with a kiss that would soon end up with my mouth full of cum.
~*~*~*~
I woke up in the middle of the night, panting with my boxers wet and sticky with cum. I rubbed my eyes and looked at my clock and saw that it was barely two in the morning. My dick was still hard and I couldn't just ignore the need to release the built up pressure. I threw my blanket sideways and proceeded to the bathroom with one person's image on my mind – Andre.
This was the first night I thought of Andre while jerking off since I started going out with Luke. I felt guilty, but thinking of Andre and that night when we first got a thorough taste of each other invaded my mind. There was really no use in shoving it away and deep into the back of my head. For the meantime, I needed release.
I stroke my dick, which had grown a lot since that night with Andre, and kept myself from moaning out too loud for the whole house to hear. With every stroke, Andre's name only got more audible in my head. His sweat covered body, the one that I rubbed against with and felt all over, filled my sinful fantasy. His own throbbing dick left such an imprint in my mind that I felt the need to suck it, even for just one last time. I quickened my pace, thinking of how Andre sent me to heaven with his playful tongue on my nipples, my dick and all over my body. I felt my dick throb in my hands as I was soon over the edge of cumming. Five long strings of cum later, I was panting even harder. I had my other hand on the wall to support my weight as I still felt my knees weak from all my hard work. Unexpectedly, I felt tears clouding my eyes and soon dampening my cheeks. I finally let out a weak sob.
Getting a hold of myself, I decided to take a shower. There was no use going back to bed all sticky and sweaty. I didn't bother with adjusting the water's temperature. All I needed was a cold shower to calm my nerves.
I woke up the next morning feeling drained. I didn't dream of Andre again, but I also didn't dream of anything else. I pushed myself off the bed and unwillingly got ready for school. Breathing in, I managed to pull myself together and put on a smile. I promised Luke the same old me, I thought.
"How's my gay little brother?" Kyle teasingly asked at our dining table.
"Fuck off, Kyle." I was in no mood to be messing around.
"PMS, I see. Well, good luck with that," he said as he dug in his breakfast.
"Kyle, stop teasing your brother. And Peter, are you okay, hun?" my mom asked as she served my usual bacon and eggs.
"I'm fine mom," I offered her one of my best smiles.
"I hope so. Oh, could you do me a favor and drop these off at the mall later? I'm supposed to meet Miranda by their store, but my schedule's a mess."
"Sure. I'll go there after school," I said as I enjoyed my breakfast.
"Thanks, and say hello to your cousin for me if you see him," she said as she went back to cooking some more bacons and eggs.
Miranda, or Aunt Miranda, Kieran's mom, managed a little store at a nearby mall that sold all kinds of women's accessories. As it turned out, my mom bought some things on credit and promised to pay her today. Just then, my father entered our dining hall.
"Did you boys hear that cat last night? I swear, it kept me awake at almost three in the morning," he said as he sat down with us.
"I don't think it was a cat, dad," Kyle answered, looking over at me. I just blushed and kept eating.
At school, I met up with Luke and the rest of my friends. As it was still kept a secret from the whole campus that I was gay, we kept our intimacy at a minimum. Only when we were certain that no one was looking that we gained enough courage to brush our hands against each other and exchange lovingly looks. I could tell, though, that Luke seemed happy to see me acting out as my old self again. Since he still had practice after school, I excused myself from waiting for him to finish to run my mom's request.
At the mall, Aunt Miranda and I engaged in small talk. After handing her my mom's payment, I lingered around a bit longer just to pass off some time. Andre never crossed my mind even once while I was there. I was too preoccupied doing some window shopping and trying out several instruments on display. Since I was no good playing other instruments aside from the piano and guitar, I had a hard time beating the drums. Some kids even looked at me funny, but I just shrugged them off. I was having a good time goofing around on my own.
At almost 5:00 pm, I received a text from Luke saying that their practice would soon be over. I decided then to leave and start my way back to school. It was one bus ride away, but I decided to walk. I was feeling so carefree ever since the last few days that I didn't mind anyone and anything I passed by. But someone caught my ear.
"Peter? Peter, is that you?"
I turned around, looking for some familiar face that might have called out to me. Seeing no one that I really knew, I ignored the voice and went on my way.
"Peter! It's you, isn't it?" The voice seemed closer now.
I turned around once again and saw one of the last persons I expected to see in Dallas.
~ End of Chapter ~
Thanks to my awesome best friend, Michael, for helping me with the html tags. Dude, I swear. You've got it all figured out with these web pages and stuff. But still, did my tags come out okay? I tested this on several browsers and it worked well for me. I hope it doesn't mess up your whole reading experience. If it does, tell me, okay?
And thank you to another awesome friend of mine, miles away from me, heck several oceans apart, for sending me those pictures of us together back when we were young. I needed some tangible faces to build on my descriptions, and our carefree faces helped a lot. Well, I tweaked your smile a bit. Seriously, get rid of that creepy smile.
And to my awesome readers, who took their time with my story and expressed so much love, thank you. I'm taking your suggestions into serious consideration as I fumble with my thoughts on how to write these stuff. I send you my deepest gratitude.
Also, I apologize in advance for the lack of sheer updates during next month. I might have a lot to do on my hand (not with my hand) which might keep me from updating as frequently as I want to. >.< *sigh*. Don't worry, I have most chapters laid out already so I could just revise and add some bits every night and post them eventually.
Lastly, I'd really love to have your input in this. I want to know any experience you've had (at your discretion, of course) so that I could incorporate those in the story and add some more twists and turns. I love working with a lot of ideas, not just my own. Oh, and I'd want to keep my chapters this long for now as it allows me to finish them faster, without sacrificing much quality and hopefully, this length of work doesn't keep you from reading other stories on this wonderful archive as well.
I'd love to hear from you. Comments? Suggestion? Violent reactions? Or just anything you have in mind. Send me your thoughts here: krispykrimson@gmail.com