Date: Mon, 11 Dec 2000 21:21:40 -0800 (PST) From: Seth Lowe Subject: Summer Love This story is a work of fiction. The characters, names, incidents, dialogue, and plot are the products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. Summer Love I I opened my eyes to another empty day on another summer morning. The sun glared through the shades on my windows. Another day where the weather seemed to mock me. Stumbling out of bed, I saw it was almost eleven. Not bothering to dress in day clothes, I walked to the kitchen. My dad had posted a note on the refrigerator telling me he'd be back late and what was available for dinner. The note could have easily been the same one he wrote six months ago. Things never changed. I hadn't adjusted to new life in California. Dad thought the change would do us good. It was typical. A tragedy occurs and moving to a new place will make it go away. He didn't make time for me. Guess he didn't know what there was to say anyway. I threw the note in the trash and walked out into the bright rays of sunshine. Rain had fallen on a regular basis in New York. I sat down on the cheap bench that took up far too much of the front porch's space, staring at the street with passive eyes. As usual, I zoned out, and thought about life the way it had been. In the middle of it, a boy made his way over to the house and came on the porch. By the time I noticed him he was already asking me a question. "How come I never see you?" I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my voice. My life was too depressing to not be harsh. "I've seen you, so I guess you haven't been looking very well." He blinked, unfazed, and went on. "You've lived here for a while haven't you?" I laughed, but it was a mean laugh filled with cruelty. "Six miserable months. What do you want anyway?" He shrugged. "Thought you'd want to do something with me." I laughed again. "How old are you? Six? Seven?" I asked narrowing my eyes at him. The boy didn't seem a bit offended. "I turned eight seven months ago." He stared at me with innocent brown eyes. "So do you want to?" I didn't feel any guilt in my response. "I can't see it happening. Thanks for offering though." My attempt to brush him off wasn't very successful. "How old are you?" "I'm 13. And before you ask, I turned 13 three months ago. What does it have to do with anything?" He shrugged again. "I'm Colton." "You know what, Colton? It was a pleasure meeting you. Come back some other day." He smiled and walked off. I thought back to a time not that long ago when I would have jumped at a chance to be around a boy like that. Even at this cynical point, I had to admit he was a very attractive boy. But since I'd started acting this way, I'd decided to ignore all sexual urges. Concerned that Colton would come back and really talk me into doing something with him, I went inside to be alone, as usual. The next morning when I woke up my dad was actually there. He pretended nothing was wrong when he saw me. "About time you got up. This how you spend your days here all the time?" I scratched my head and searched for something to eat. "Pretty much. Why?" He smiled. "Because you should be getting some exercise or something." I didn't answer, and he seemed to be going back to the paper he was engrossed in. "Do you know that boy across the street?" Suddenly I was interested. "He made himself noticeable yesterday. Why do you ask?" "He came by at about nine. Said he knew you. I told him you'd be up in a few hours, so he should be coming by soon." I shuddered. "Thanks for setting me up for a fun-filled day with an eight year old." He folded up the paper. "It'll be good for you." He glanced at his watch and drained his coffee. "Well, I better be heading back to work. I'll be home on time tonight." He started to leave. "And do yourself a favor. Give the kid a chance. You might like him." He shut the door and again I was alone. When the doorbell rang about half an hour after my dad left I reluctantly answered it. Colton was staring at me with the same big eyes he had yesterday. "Can I come in?" I backed off so he could, but couldn't resist giving him a rude answer. "When I said come back some other day I didn't mean the next day." He smiled and made himself comfortable on the chair. "You didn't tell me your name yesterday." I sat down on the couch near him. "That's because I didn't intend to get to know you. I'm Brian." Again he smiled. The boy seemed to know his face was angelic. I realized his voice fit him perfectly. "Why do you always seem sad?" Laughing, I thought about the ways to answer. "I've been through more shit than you'll ever have to go through. That's all." He didn't seem at all bothered by my language. "Like what?" I wasn't about to open up to this eight-year-old kid, no matter how cute he was, and no matter how much he seemed to want my friendship. "Things too bad for you to hear. Leave it at that." Colton laughed for the first time. "You'll tell me some day. I know it." When he saw I had nothing to say, he continued. "Anything to drink?" "Plenty. But I'm not your server. So get it yourself if you're thirsty." I could tell as he wiped sweat off his forehead he must have been burning up. He got up and casually made his way to the kitchen. I could hear him as he searched through the cabinets for the glasses. Sighing, I got up to help him. "They're out of your reach. Cabinets are too high for people as short as you are." He giggled and continued to not let my comments get to him. I got a glass down for him and asked him what he wanted. "Any soft drink that you have." I turned and hunted through the refrigerator. I spotted some Dr. Pepper and turned to ask for his approval. He'd removed his T-shirt and returned back to lounging on the chair, his head propped on his arms. The damn kid was starting to arouse me. I shook the thoughts away and poured him the drink, bringing it to him on the chair. He knew as he got it that I'd ended up bringing it to him, exactly what I had said I wouldn't do. "Did I say you could take off your shirt?" He smiled and carelessly scratched his chest. "I thought you wouldn't mind. Do you want me to put it back on?" I returned to my seat. "Ask for permission from now on." I studied him as he gulped down the drink. His hair was blond, but he kept it so short is was hard to tell unless you were close. The tan on his skin told the story he was outside almost all the time. My eyes were taking in his body, and I wasn't stopping myself. Although he was only eight, he seemed small to me even for that age. That was an uncommon feeling since I was merely average sized myself. As I admired him, he finished his drink and returned his attention to me. "Are you going to tell me what's happened now?" I started to say no flatly, then realized there was no harm in telling him. "I lost my mom about seven months ago. Still haven't recovered." His response was surprising for his age. "I knew you looked sad. That's why I decided to come over. To keep you company." I laughed, and this time it wasn't a cruel one. "So are you going to bother me everyday now?" He gave me an exaggerated smile and nodded. I tried to keep myself from feeling thrilled, but it was too hard. As unfriendly as I'd been, Colton was still interested in getting to know me. My cynical thoughts disappeared for the moment at least. Maybe my dad actually had a point about giving him a chance. II The clock struck seven. I tried to tell myself it had happened before. But every time he did this I felt like there was no one I could trust. I remembered him clearly telling me he was going to be home on time. On time. That meant a quarter past six. The lights were on in the dining room and I was sitting at the table waiting for my dad to walk in the door. Colton had stayed until after five, and by the time he left I knew he'd cast a spell on me. Although I kept up my fair share of impolite comments, he had gradually changed my mood from sour to bright. And he knew it. The little bastard knew how to get what he wanted. What I was sure he didn't know was my sexual interest in him. He was completely unaware the effect he had on me when he'd relax somewhere, carelessly revealing his body. We had gotten around to discussing many things, including his life. I learned from him that his dad had died years back and he lived with only his mom. I could tell she was very protective over him. When he had been away from the house for more than three hours she had come over to check on him. I surprised myself by feeling glad he had a parent that really cared about him. We spent most of the day talking, but it was clear that he was actually much more active than that, because he couldn't sit still for even a few minutes. The door opened and then closed, interrupting my daydreaming. Moments later my dad walked in, accompanied by the sound of his expensive dress shoes coming into contact with the linoleum floor. He loosened his tie and sat down across from me. "So how was your day? Did the boy come by?" I feigned disinterest. "Yeah. Stayed for a few hours." He looked at me expectantly. "And?" I shrugged. "He wasn't intolerable." "Good. Glad to hear your social life is picking up." He seemed to remember he was late. "You know my job. Impromptu meetings, unexpected clients. I can't help that." I nodded. Before I had a chance to say anything, he got up. "Well, I was eating dinner with an associate, so I'm not very hungry. You can get yourself something if you like. I think I'll be getting to bed. You know I need to be up by five tomorrow for an out of town trip right?" Even though I didn't remember, it didn't surprise me, so I nodded my head anyway. As he left the room, he reminded me that he'd be back in a couple of days and that he'd leave a number where I could reach him on the refrigerator. My eyes were focused on the table. I tuned out the last few sentences of his comments, knowing I'd heard them a thousand times before. I found myself wondering how I lived with this life before Colton came into it. Instead of waking voluntarily to the sun, the shrill, demanding sound of the doorbell greeted me in the morning. Somehow I managed to pry my eyes open and pull myself out of bed. I would have seen what time it was, but my eyes wouldn't open enough. By the time I got to the door it had been a full minute, and it registered that Colton was waiting for me. I swung open the door and glared at him. "Do you know what time it is?" He smiled innocently. "It's eight thirty." I groaned. "Come back in four hours." I slammed the door as best as I could in my groggy state and turned back to my room. I hadn't made it more than three steps when the doorbell rang again. Now almost completely awake, I spun around and opened the door. "Get your ass in here. If I hear the doorbell one more time I'm going to kill you." Trying unsuccessfully to stifle the giggles that were coming from him, Colton happily stepped inside the house, shutting the door behind him. I sighed and looked at him. "You know what I'm going to do now, Colton?" "What?" he asked in a voice I'd call cute if I hadn't been so tired. He made himself comfortable on the chair he'd sat in yesterday. "I'm going to my room and I'm going to sleep. If you have to be over here, fine. But let me sleep for a few more hours. Help yourself to anything you want." That seemed to satisfy him. His eyes widened. "Anything?" But I was already walking towards my room. Minutes later I was asleep. Not too much longer, I realized Colton wasn't going to let me sleep. I figured that out about the time I felt his energetic body jump on mine. When I didn't give an immediate reaction, he started rocking me back and forth, making sure I was awake. He didn't know that he was actually bringing me close to an orgasm. I could feel his crotch pressed against my ass and when he started rocking I was having difficulty controlling the moans that wanted to come out. Finally tiring of the game, I roughly removed him from the bed. Happy that he'd gotten a reaction, he giggled. Annoyed at first, I let the feeling fade. I tried to give him a mean look, but it was becoming hard to do with his excited, eager face in front of me. "Let me get dressed and I'll be out in a minute." I noticed the look on his face. "What?" "How do I know you won't go back to sleep?" I sighed. "If I'm not out in three minutes you can come in. But I'll be out by then. Just go." He scampered off, making me wonder whether he was capable of just walking to his destination. I slid out of my boxers and started to change into new ones. My erect dick stopped me. With the images of what just occurred playing over and over again in my head, I knew it'd be easy for a quick jerk off session. Knowing it'd have to be fast, I started off at an incredible pace. My mind zoned out, giving me fuel for reaching the top. His dick hadn't been hard, but I could clearly feel it against my ass. I felt him driving it into me, not knowing the pleasure he was causing me. My imagination got a little too specific and I used up my three minutes. Not that I was keeping track. I realized I had used up all my time when I saw Colton charge in the room, a mischievous look in his eyes. "I knew you'd go back to-". He stopped short when he saw I wasn't back in bed, but rather completely naked and stroking my dick. Not only that, but seconds away from an orgasm. I halted my hand just in time. I got the sensation felt only when teasing myself, trying to build on the orgasm's pleasure. Normally I'd continue on and maybe stop short a few more times, but now I was completely ignoring those feelings. For the first time since I'd met him, Colton looked embarrassed. "Sorry," he stammered, but made no attempt to leave the room. I was amused by his shock despite my own embarrassment. Somehow I managed a grin. "Don't worry about it. I'll explain later." I proceeded to get dressed and then followed him out of my room. III I could see in his eyes he was desperately wanting to ask me questions. We sat down in our usual spots. He couldn't hold back any longer. "Well? Are you going to explain?" I decided to be only slightly truthful. "You won't know why I was doing what I did until you're older. But, as far as what I was doing, it's called masturbation. It's a common thing for boys to do." He still looked confused. "Is it bad?" I forced a laugh. "Don't let anyone ever tell you that. It's good for relieving tension. You'll do it too someday." He looked bashful and shook his head. "I don't know how." The comment took me by surprise, but my response was automatic. "You'll learn." Judging by the look on his face, he had no more an idea of what had happened than he did when we first sat down. "You're too young to completely understand. Don't worry about it." His stubbornness was visible in this situation. "But I don't want to wait until I'm older. Show me now." He moved closer to me and started to pull down his shorts. My stunned reaction was to stop him, since I didn't want to risk getting caught by his mom jerking him off. After a few moments, I finally found the words. "Colton, it's not right for me to do that. Try it sometime when you're by yourself. It's a pretty natural thing. You'll figure it out." Now his expression was frustrated. When he spoke there was more than a hint of whining in his tone. I knew it was because he wasn't getting what he wanted and couldn't stand it. "Can't you just show me how to start?" Obviously, I was having an extremely hard time resisting the urge to accept his invitation. My common sense somehow overpowered my sexual desire. "Sorry. It's something you'll have to figure out for yourself." As a last resort, he gave me a sad look and hung his head. When I didn't respond he gave up. "Can I at least ask you questions if I have any?" When I nodded, he seemed to brighten. "Good." Having got that question answered, he jumped up and practically ran out the door. "Where the hell are you going?" I asked him, but got no response. The spoiled kid was going to figure out the mystery of masturbation as soon as he could, no doubt. I wondered if that was a good or bad thing. I had started to nod off on the couch when the door opened. Colton came in with a bag resembling a backpack. "What now?" I asked, my voice sounding sharp and uninviting. He slung his bag on the floor. "My mom told me I could stay over here tonight." I eyed his bag. "Why bring the bag? You live across the street." He looked a little embarrassed. "My mom wanted to make sure I had clothes for tomorrow." I could've kept on about it, but it was just something over-protective mothers did to their kids. "So your mom doesn't care that you're sleeping here and my dad's not home?" "I didn't tell her that. It won't hurt anything," he said with a grin on his face. I sighed. "Fine. What's your reason for coming over here?" I already had an idea of why, but I felt like giving him a hard time. "I've been working on.. masturbating today in my room and I wanted to ask you if I was doing it right." "Didn't I tell you you'd have to figure it out for yourself?" He put on a defensive look. "You said you'd give me a little help." "No. I said I'd answer any questions you had." He stared blankly at me. "Do you have any questions?" The expression on his face showed that he did have a question, but wasn't sure how to ask it. He blurted it out suddenly. "Would it be wrong if you did it to yourself to show me how?" Thoughtfully, I considered his question. "You got a pretty good look at it when you came in my room earlier. Does that not help you any?" Finally tiring of our game of questions to each other, he sighed wearily and dropped onto the chair. "I give up." Not giving in, I got up and brought out a couple of sleeping bags. "You mind sleeping in one of these?" He shook his head, still pouting. I wasn't the least bit bothered by his attempts to look pitiful. "It's late. Get in the sleeping bag." His eyes registered shock. "But it's only ten!" "Get in the sleeping bag." I gave him a stern look, challenging him to test me. When he pulled off his shirt and shorts to obey my command I couldn't resist getting a feeling of power. Now only in his checkerboard design boxers, he slid in the sleeping bag and glared at me. "Why do I have to go to bed this early?" The whine in his voice annoyed me. "Because if you stay up later your mom will be mad at me. Go to sleep." When I saw his eyes close I felt even better about my authority. Yawning, I realized with disgust that I was tired as well. The reason was clear. I'd been up since the crack of dawn. The culprit was not too far away. Glancing at him, something swept over me. I'm not sure what it was. Guilt? Love? I couldn't place it. Suddenly I wanted to show him how to please himself more than anything. And I wanted to do it right away. "Colton. I know you're not asleep, so don't pretend. Get up and come here." He opened his eyes and looked at me. Again he obeyed my request and sat down beside me. "What?" he asked with a hint of excitement in his voice. "If you still want me to, I'll show you how to masturbate. But you can't tell anyone. Okay?" He nodded and all too voluntarily removed his boxers, shamelessly exposing himself. I couldn't believe what I was doing, but I'd gone too far already. His dick was hard, probably from the recent thrill of knowing he was going to get what he wanted after all. I took a deep breath and began caressing his dick. Without knowing it I went almost incredibly slow, not wanting to rush things. Through the whole event Colton seemed relaxed. Until he felt his first orgasm. His hips bucked and surprise filled his face. When it was over, he smiled. "I never got that far." Although that wasn't an especially funny comment, it was the sound of his voice and the look on his face that made me laugh. "All you had to do was be patient. The reward is that feeling." I could see in his eyes that he was grateful. His reaction was enough to make me wish I hadn't declined his offer for so long. He didn't even bother putting his boxers back on. He just got in his sleeping bag and seemed to be instantly asleep. I undressed and moments later was asleep as well. I was sitting on the hard, uncomfortable hospital chair, staring at my mom in her bed. Her deathbed. My dad was sitting in the much more inviting recliner chair directly beside the bed. His eyes were calm but I knew he was heartbroken. She had stopped saying nonsense phrases and occasionally trying to get out of the bed. The morphine was now on steady supply, my dad's request. We were waiting for that inevitable time when her vital signs started dropping. The doctors had given us a time period of a day or two. Most of the time silence filled the room. Sometimes he'd look at me and tell me to get something to eat from the cafeteria downstairs. But mostly we stared at her, wishing there was some way to extend her life. After three days in the hospital, the unavoidable event happened. Slowly, her breathing stopped. Every thirty seconds or so she'd take a breath. There was no convulsions; just a peaceful death. "That's it," my dad said, his voice shaking. "She didn't feel any pain." I could feel my lip trembling, slowly at first. I went to the tiny room's bathroom and got a paper towel to wipe away the small amount of tears in my eyes. The sound of crying nearby made the tears come full force. We embraced each other and cried. He pushed the button to call the nurse. "She's gone," he said on the speaker. We hadn't stopped crying when the nurses came in to take apart the equipment. They all gave us looks of sympathy. "I can't imagine what you guys are going through right now, but you're in my prayers," a particularly thoughtful nurse told us. She gave us each a pat and helped get everything cleaned up. With a yelp I jumped out of my dream, covered with sweat. I realized I was crying. Colton woke up and a look of concern crossed his face. "What's wrong Brian?" But I couldn't stop myself to explain. The tears kept on coming, for the first time since my mom died. He pieced together what I was upset over and got up. He may not have known it, but when he embraced me it was the best thing that I could ask for. Even with his body comforting me, I couldn't stop crying. My tears were practically soaking his bare body. He made no attempt to move away, just let me hold onto him. Even when I finally got control of myself, I clung to him for several minutes afterward and let loose the final sobs in my system. I released him and wiped the remaining tears from my eyes. When it occurred to me what had just happened I felt a little embarrassed. "Sorry. Just had a dream about my mom." He nodded, his face still serious. "Are you okay?" Sniffling, I nodded yes. Thanks to him. "I'll get you a towel so you can dry off." He laughed, and it made me laugh as well. But it wasn't unnecessary. His shoulders and back must have been soaked. I returned with the towel and wrapped it around him, now recovered enough to enjoy his beautiful body, still naked. Without thinking, I gave him a kiss on his head, thanking him for comforting me. He didn't have much of a reaction, which was okay by me. I got back in my sleeping bag, occasional sniffles still coming from me. Not too much later, I felt Colton join me in my sleeping bag. I didn't protest at all. Actually I pulled him close to me with my arm around him and slept. I'd never felt closer to anyone in my life. IV When I awoke the next morning, I couldn't figure out where I was at first. Then I remembered Colton coming over. Craning my neck, I saw that he wasn't in the sleeping bag with me. In fact he didn't seem to be anywhere. As always, my first step out of sleep was awkward and almost not real. I searched around the house, probably too senseless to think of just calling his name. When I started to actually wake up, I was sharp enough to note his bag was gone, therefore so was he. Then I really got sharp and noticed it was past one in the afternoon. That explained why he wasn't around. It didn't explain why he didn't wake me up. I was actually glad that he was considerate enough to not wake me up early again. He was starting to figure me out. I sat down on the couch and thought about what had happened last night. I remembered his arms around me, the true look of care on his face. I wouldn't have expected him to comfort me like he did. I knew I'd be unsure of what to do if I had been in his situation. Since I'd met Colton, I realized what I'd been missing in my life. Being accustomed to it, I never stopped to think about my longing for a friendship. And I'd even tried to scare him off when I first met him. Thankfully he wasn't sensitive. At this point he was basically my life. I knew that, and didn't care. At least I was better off than before. All of a sudden it came to me that I was starving. I got up and headed towards the kitchen, facing a common problem when waking up in the afternoon: not knowing whether to eat breakfast or lunch. It didn't take long for Colton to find his way back over to the house. The summer heat had him dressed in only shorts. This time he didn't have plans to sit around. "Do you want to go swimming with me?" I decided it'd be a pleasant change in my life to actually leave the house for something other than sitting out on the front porch or going to school. He was pretty surprised when I shrugged my shoulders and simply said, "Sure. Where's the nearest pool?" He smiled. A smile filled with pride. "My backyard." Although it took a while, I fished out a fairly old pair of swimming trunks and followed him to an unfamiliar territory: across the street. All the houses on our block looked the same, so I wasn't surprised when I saw an almost identical layout inside. A memory of first seeing the neighborhood came to me. My first feeling was that I was going to hate it here. Up until now, that prediction had been dead accurate. We continued through the back door to the impressive in-ground swimming pool. "Your mom at work?" I asked. He nodded. "You're home alone during the week?" Again he nodded. "I used to go to a daycare, but I begged her to let me stay home by myself this summer. She let me do it." I remembered his mom coming over to check on him a few days ago and was surprised she even considered leaving him alone at such a young age. He was the first to jump in the pool. I hesitated for a minute before joining. It had been seemingly forever since I'd been swimming, but thankfully I hadn't forgotten what I'd learned. We spent a few hours aimlessly swimming, laughing, and talking. I leaned against the wall of the pool and watched him energetically splash around. His skin next to mine made me look incredibly pale, something that I intended to change. As I watched him a mixture of feelings hit me. Again, I couldn't place them. I might have been feeling envious. He was enjoying his life, just a young innocent boy thrilled at small things and awed by the complexity of adult life. I was at the worst point in my life, just recently starting to get better. And then again, I might have been feeling love. As I watched him, I could understand why his mom wanted to protect him. I could understand why all parents want to protect their kids. He eventually realized I wasn't splashing around with him anymore. "You tired?" he asked. I shook my head. "But it wouldn't hurt to take a break." "Wanna go inside for a little while?" I nodded and he reluctantly got out of the pool. Trying not to stare too obviously at his lower body, which was quite visible with his wet swim trunks clinging to his skin, I handed him a towel. "You got anything to satisfy my hunger?" I asked with a grin. I stayed at his house the majority of the day. At around five his mom came home. She smiled when she saw me. "Hi Brian." I responded with a polite greeting. She seemed pretty nice from what I'd seen of her so far. She gave Colton a hug. I couldn't help but smile. If my dad showed that kind of affection to me when he returned from one of his business trips I'd think something was seriously wrong. "What did you boys do today?" Colton answered for us and followed that up almost instantly with the question, "Can Brian stay over tonight?" She gave approval without hesitation. I was definitely jealous of him at this point. It made me miss my mom. He turned to me when his mom had left the room. "We can sleep on my bed. It's a double." I twisted up my face. "What the hell do you need a double bed for?" He smiled with a smug look on his face. "Comfort." I was hit with only a slight sense of annoyance thinking of spoiled brats with in-ground swimming pools in their backyard and double beds for their convenience. And an incredibly lenient mom on top of that. Several hours later, back from a second swim, this one a night trip, we were in that comfort spot he was so boastful about. I'd been swimming for so long that day I could still feel the water even as I laid in bed. And not just because his bed was a waterbed. We had been talking softly for a few minutes, and I was in a pretty good mood. I was starting to get used to feeling like that. "I think your mom spoils you," I said, smiling to let him know I was teasing him. He laughed. "She just wants me to be happy." I looked at him and noticed a slightly sad look on his face as he said it. "Are you?" He was surprised, but answered my question anyway. "I guess so. Sometimes I wish she was around more. Now that I've got you to bother I feel better." I laughed at his comment and decided to bring up a more serious subject. I knew it was risky, but also important. "Do you ever wish you had your dad around?" "Sometimes. But I don't really know what it's like to have one. I guess it'd be good to have two parents around though." My face was grim when I responded. "You're not the only one with just one parent." He looked at me thoughtfully. "How did your mom die?" Surprisingly, I didn't mind talking about it for a change. I wasn't at all offended that he asked such a personal question. "Breast cancer. It was supposedly cured a few years ago, then came back, was supposedly cured again, and then came back and spread to her liver. She lived five months after that." I could tell he was honestly sympathetic to me. He kept up his innocent questions, and I continued to not get annoyed. I guess I didn't mind discussing it with someone I enjoyed being with. "What was it like when she died? Were you there?" I nodded. "My dad stayed three days in the room with her. He hardly left the room. When I'd go home for the night, he had family members drive me home. When she died, just me and my dad were in the room. I can honestly tell you I've never cried so hard in my life." He moved closer to where our bodies were touching and continued to get answers about the worst experience in my life. Yet when I told him these things, it didn't hurt like it had in the past when I thought about it. It felt good to have someone listen to me and actually care. The night grew later and he started yawning every minute. I grinned. "Sorry I kept you up so late." "I don't mind." Even as he said the words he closed his eyes and dozed off. As I started to fall asleep as well, I noted with satisfaction that this was the second night in a row we'd fallen asleep practically holding each other. V The first thing I realized when I woke up was that for once the sun didn't annoy me when I was greeted by it upon opening my eyes. The second thing I realized is that I was awake earlier than Colton was. Two firsts in a few seconds. It had gotten to the point where I couldn't look at Colton without thinking of the word 'innocence'. I guess it was his face and almost constant eager expression. Mine was usually glum and reflected how I felt about life in general. He even slept innocently. In a case of restless sleeping, he'd kicked most of the covers off of us. Just to be thoughtful, I pulled them back over him. Despite his movements in sleep, his body was still very close to mine. Knowing my dad would be home later today, I decided to get home. I thought about letting him know I was going, but with the contact we'd been having, I figured I'd see him in a few hours anyway. I got up, trying not to make the waterbed move too much, and quietly left the room. Around noon I decided to make a trip to the graveyard where my mom was buried. It wasn't too long of a trip, but it wasn't exactly a quick one. The usual sun greeted me with bright rays as I stepped out on the porch. Colton was there, a few seconds away from ringing the bell. I was so used to seeing him it felt like he belonged with me. "You going somewhere?" he asked. I nodded. "Going to visit my mom's grave. About two miles away. Wanna come?" I grinned as I said it, expecting him to reject the offer. Instead he took it up. "I'll go if you don't care." "Fine with me. We'll be riding on my bike. Not a fun ride, I warn you." Not too much later my bike was parked and we were heading into the cemetery. My dad had wanted her to be buried close to the house, and I was thankful for that. When we got inside, he stopped. "I'll wait for you here," he said. I turned to face him. "Sure? You can go with me if you want." He declined and I continued down the path. Minutes later I was facing the grave. I didn't feel too sad at first. I'd been here a few times already. Nevertheless, I felt on the verge of shedding a tear. The flowers my dad had put there last time we'd been here were still there, although there wasn't much left of them. For a few minutes I just sat there and probably looked to anyone paying attention as if I was in some state of shock. But actually I was reliving a few memories I had of her. "Never really told you bye," I said softly. I wiped the lone tear trickling down my face, gave the headstone one last look, and headed back towards Colton. Although I wasn't crying, he could tell I was upset. We walked in silence back to the opening gates of the cemetery for a little bit. I felt his hand grab mine, and I gave him a faint smile. We walked the rest of the trail hand in hand before getting back on the bike. Around five my dad came home from his important business trip. Not surprisingly, he didn't greet me with open arms. "Didn't exactly clean up after yourself while I was gone did you?" His gaze was directed to the living room, where I'd stacked glasses and plates from various meals for both me and Colton. I shrugged. "Didn't get around to it." I could tell he was tired and maybe even less talkative than usual. "Guess not. Do me a favor and get around to it within the next few minutes or so. I'm exhausted. See you in the morning, or in your case, the afternoon." His footsteps faded and soon followed by the sound of a door shutting. It made me wonder what the difference was of him being here and him being away on a business trip. Knowing he wouldn't care or even notice, I exited through the front door to sit out on the front porch and think. My dad called me a solitary creature for wanting so much time for myself, but I believed a person needed time alone to avoid too much stress. I might have given this lecture to Colton when he appeared into my view, not too unlike the first time he came over. I knew it'd be useless, so I waited for him to tell me his newest idea for entertainment. But he decided to sit down beside me on the bench. He wasn't quiet for long. "Can I sleep over here tonight?" I smiled. "Your mom will miss you if you sleep over here every other night Colton. Besides, my dad is home from his trip and probably doesn't want anyone to be over here. He can't stand noise of any kind when he's trying to sleep." He tried to look sad, but by now I wasn't deceived by his false expressions. Of course, he wasn't about to give up. "She won't care. I already asked and she said I could stay over here." Sighing, I gave in as usual. "Okay, but we can't make any noise. If my dad wakes up because of you I'll kick your ass." For some reason whenever I threatened to kick his ass he giggled. He knew I wouldn't. "Don't you need to go get your bag?" I asked in a mocking tone. He took my teasing well, as usual. "My mom didn't make me take one this time." We spent a few more minutes outside before heading in, me warning him one final time to be quiet. The sound of thunder booming woke me out of what had been a pretty deep sleep. Colton hadn't stirred beside me. Compared to his bed, mine was like sleeping in a confined cave. It was actually too small for both of us to sleep on it. Despite being small, he had very little space to sleep, but he'd insisted that we both sleep on the bed. The second boom of thunder seemed to shake the house and Colton sprang up. He saw I was awake, placed the noise and relaxed, but I could tell he'd been frightened for a bit. He grinned, looking a little embarrassed. "I don't like thunder." His head fell back to the bed almost instantly. He was resting it on my stomach, which I was quite pleased with. Trying to be as casual as possible, I let my hand find its way down his back and come to a stop on his boxers. I was careful not to touch his body too obviously. With that accomplishment, I felt ready to go back to sleep. And I reminded myself to jerk off over this position we were in later. VI A slight breeze blew by us as we sat in our quiet environment. I observed the area around us. "This is nice, Colton. You should have told me about this place earlier." He had told me he wanted to show me a place where he went sometimes. I was surprised when it was a fairly private looking area, shaded by a few trees. We were seated on the grass taking in the scenery. "I wasn't sure you'd like it." A few more moments of silence passed, and then he asked an insecure question only kids his age ask. "Do you like me?" I avoided a direct response. "If I didn't, would I spending this much time with you?" He shrugged. "I wasn't sure if you were just trying to be polite." To show sincerity, I put my arm around him and spoke seriously. "I'm not a very polite person. If I didn't enjoy being around you, I would let you know." His eyes were aimed in my direction. I couldn't stand it when he did that. It made me feel helpless; like he controlled me. "But do you think I come over too often?" Forcing myself to return his look, I answered. "Come over anytime you want." He seemed to brighten a little and I pulled my arm away. The realization came to me that I must love him more than anyone with the exception of his mom. In some way I felt responsible for him, and wanted him to be safe and happy as if I was his parent. I'd started to zone out, and he had to bring me out of my trance. "Can you stay over at my house tonight?" I laughed and gave him a light shove. "Your mom has got to be getting sick of me." He denied it. "She likes you. Please?" I considered. I'd spent the last three nights with him. Why not make it four? "Okay. I'll be over around eight or so." We spent a bit longer in this calm surrounding before leaving in search of new excitement. My dad had a hard time believing I was going to spend the night somewhere else. His eyebrow seemed permanently raised. "And you really want to do this? You're not just doing it to be nice?" I couldn't help but notice Colton had asked me practically the same question a few hours ago. Why couldn't I do or say something without someone questioning if I was doing it just to be polite? "Well it wasn't my idea, but he really wants me to stay over there tonight, so I figured I might as well do it." I left out the information such as spending the night there only the night before the last. "But he just spent the night. He wants you to spend the night now?" I nodded. He probably would have gone on longer, but saw I was starting to get impatient. "Okay then. I'll see you tomorrow." Seconds later I was out the door and walked rather briskly to Colton's house. Apparently he'd been waiting for me because before I had a chance to ring the doorbell he opened the door. I was flattered how much he enjoyed having my company. I came in just as his mom was passing through. As always, she smiled when she saw me. "Hi Brian. Starting to see more of you around here." I returned the smile and pointed to Colton. "He's a persistent character." She laughed, patting his shoulder affectionately. "That's the truth. Be glad you don't have to put with him as often as I do." As she walked away, I realized how much I was starting to like her. I turned my attention back to Colton, who was slightly embarrassed with all the conversation concerning him. "So what do you have planned tonight? Usual boring stuff?" I asked with a smile, knowing he wouldn't take me seriously and get offended. He motioned for me to follow him. I knew he was leading me to the pool. Which I had no objection to. Outside, he removed his shirt and tossed it in a nearby lawn chair. I always enjoyed watching him jump in the pool. In some way it filled me with joy, just seeing him eagerly and quite literally dive into a new opportunity. As usual, I was much slower in getting in, and he was already involved in his wild routine of splashing around and floating about. We just enjoyed the water for a few minutes. His giggle broke the silence. I looked over at him, already smiling, anticipating a humorous comment that would no doubt come from his mouth. "Do you think it's possible to masturbate in water?" My laugh was probably heard a mile away. The thought of attempting it was just funny. "Can't say I've ever tried it, but to satisfy your sick mind, I'd say no." I considered how you'd go about doing it. "I mean, you can't move your hand fast enough under water." We laughed about this for an unnecessarily long amount of time, even until it wasn't really the idea that was keeping us going, but just the fact that we were cracked up by it so much. When we finally quieted down, I decided to take a risk. "You masturbate a lot now?" I asked with a grin. He got that familiar embarrassed look on his face and answered weakly. "Not really." "Yes you do," I continued, trying to get a rise out of him. He smiled. "A few times a day." He was confused by my laughter. "Is that a lot?" I shrugged. "Depends on what kind of person you are. For me that would probably be too often." "Should I do it less then?" I could tell he'd take whatever I told him to heart, so I carefully answered him. "Do it as many times as you need. You'll learn someday when you need to do it." He got that stubborn look on his face. The look that he gave when he was threatening to pout. "What?" I asked. "You're always talking about what I'll learn someday. Why do I have to wait for everything?" "No matter what answer I give you, you won't understand until you're older. So don't be concerned with what you don't know. Be patient and you'll figure out what I'm talking about." I should have known that wouldn't satisfy his overly curious and persistent mind. "But how long do I have to wait?" Sighing, I realized I'd have to explain to him as best as I could what I meant, simply because he couldn't take 'wait until you're older' for an answer. "Let's go inside. If you want me to tell you all this, I'm going to do it somewhere other than a pool." Surprisingly, he didn't argue. Guess this information was more important than swimming. It was almost eleven by the time we came in. His mom told us goodnight and departed to her room. We headed towards his room. Inside, he shut the door and peeled off his swimming trunks, leaving me to admire his completely naked body. I tried hard not to stare. He got a towel and wrapped it around himself, sitting on the bed afterwards. I was still standing up, probably looking rather uncomfortable. "You're not going to put on any clothes?" I asked in as steady a voice as I could manage. He shook his head. "Do you care?" It was my turn to shake my head. "Did you bring any other clothes with you?" he asked noticing I had gone swimming in my shorts. "No. I didn't know we were going to go swimming. I'll go over to my house to change real quick." He stopped me. "Just do what I did." I was reluctant, but decided it was better doing that than returning to the house where I'd no doubt be pestered by my dad. Trying to be quick, I removed my shorts and wrapped a towel around myself. He was again giggling, and I had no idea why. "What now?" I asked. "You didn't wear any boxers over here?" I laughed. "I wasn't expecting to go swimming. I figured mostly I'd be coming over here to sleep, so I didn't wear any. Glad you noticed," I said with a grin. When I saw his discomfort I regretted the comment. "I'm just playing around Colton. You know that." It didn't console him. "But you're right. I did notice." The innocence was again visible in his eyes. He was about to ask me another question in which my answer was very important. "Is that wrong?" I sat down beside him. My mind was racing. Should I tell him how I really felt about him now? Is this the appropriate time? Do I turn it into a small problem to help him relax? When I spoke, I still wasn't sure what option I'd chosen. "It isn't wrong," I said softly. "If you weren't so young I'd be flattered, but at your age it doesn't mean anything. But no, it isn't wrong at all that you were looking at me. I know it's just your curiosity." His face seemed to lighten a bit. "Do you ever look at me like that?" Despite the seemingly difficult question, I knew honesty was best here. I looked into his eyes and found only what I already knew was there. I was comforted and my courage was growing. "You have no idea how often I do." He wasn't taken aback. I knew he wouldn't be. "Really?" I nodded, continuing to meet his eyes. "Does that mean you love me?" Nothing could have prepared me for that question. It was such a meaningful word, only meant to be used if it was truly felt. I asked myself the question. Did I love him? "I haven't even known you for a week, Colton." My words trailed off. I could tell that comment hurt him. He wasn't near tears or anything, but I knew if I didn't revise that statement our relationship would be affected. "But I guess I do. You stopped me from feeling lonely. You even let me cry on you. And your never-ending eagerness reminds me of myself when I was your age. I owe a lot to you, and you're probably about the best thing in my life right now." That had all just come out. It was all truthful, every word of it, but until I said it I didn't even realize that he was a lot like me when I was eight. All this time I'd been looking at him, feeling envious, not knowing why, and the true answer was because I was looking at someone with a future unclear and open. I was looking at myself five years ago. And then I lost my mom, moved away from my friends, and turned into what I was now. Who knows how much longer I would have spent allowing myself to suffer from the pain if it hadn't been for Colton. He was seemingly speechless by my honesty. I wasn't sure if I'd done the right thing until he hugged me. The last time we'd hugged I'd been in uncontrollable tears. This time I felt happier than I'd felt since before my mom died. In a way, I was relieved that he didn't tell me he loved me. I knew that would come out as our relationship developed, which it obviously would. The embrace was probably about half as long as our first, simply because I let him go this time. His face showed that what I'd said meant a lot to him. He attempted to thank me, struggled with the words, and I stopped him. I already knew how thankful it was. But he thanked me anyway. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever told me Brian." Shortly afterwards, we turned out the light. He let the towel drop from him and slid back in bed, holding onto me like I was a source of survival. I let him do it, realizing that's all I wanted to do was be there for him and let him lean on me for support when he needed it. What made our relationship better was that not only could I do that for him, but he could do that for me as well and had proved in the past that he would. I really did love him. VII As the days passed, I waited for those very words to come out of Colton's mouth. After a while I started seeing them in his eyes. We'd grown inseparable. My dad had watched it happen from afar, and although he never said much about it, I knew he was happy for me. He even got to meet Colton eventually, and I was amazed at how friendly he could be. The summer grew hotter, the days longer. I spent nearly every day with Colton, with few exceptions. His mom got to know things about my dad, and whenever he'd go on a business trip they'd have me over until he got back. Not something I needed, but it was fine with me. On this night I wasn't at Colton's house. He was snuggled up against me in my bed. Our conversation had run dry several minutes ago, but neither one of us were asleep. Apparently we had different things on our mind. I had my back to him when he spoke. "Brian?" he asked somewhat timidly. Without turning around, I responded with a sleepy "Yeah?" He didn't respond for a few moments and I wondered if he'd been talking in his sleep. But then he said it. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you." My heart at that point melted. I'd imagined him saying that, but never really could imagine how I'd respond. I shouldn't have put him on the spot, but I did anyway. I turned to face him. "You mean it?" He nodded. I had expected him to look embarrassed, but he seemed quite comfortable with telling me. "You're good to me." This was one of those times when I had no idea what to do next. He'd opened up and told me a true emotion. If I didn't show him that I appreciated it, would it damage him? Would it teach him that it's wrong to express what you feel? I pulled him closer to me. "You probably don't realize it, but what you just said means a lot to me. It's not something small. Those words are strong and very purposeful." He was, as usual, absorbing what I said, seeming to understand. "You know I feel the same way about you, right?" He nodded. I remembered seemingly a lot of nights ago when I held him tightly and cried on his shoulders. I'd given him a kiss on his head then. At this time he returned the kiss, placing it on my cheek. I didn't have to thank him for it. We knew our significance to each other. He fell asleep with his arms around me yet again. I looked at his face and was filled with no envy. The boy seemed to know his face was angelic. I had that thought when we'd first met, and now I realized he didn't have a clue. Sure, he knew he had power to get what he wanted by pouting, but he had no idea how beautiful he really was. I knew he'd look back at photos of himself and see it someday. I also knew it was useless to tell him now. But as he slept holding me, he really did look angelic. I couldn't help but put myself back in the lead, giving him a kiss on his forehead. I closed my eyes and saw his face. Soon we were both asleep. I sat on the chair Colton had sat in the first time he stepped in the house. He'd be over soon, no doubt, and I was going to be honest with him like I always had been. That wonderful night had just passed. Every time I prepared the speech I was going to give him it left me with a numb feeling. I didn't know how he would take it. As I went over it for the hundredth time, the door opened and he stepped in, knowing knocking or ringing the doorbell was no longer necessary. His eyes were glowing like always. "Wanna go swimming?" I stayed sitting where I was. "Colton. Sit down for a minute. I need to talk to you about something." He saw my expression and heard my tone. No argument came from him as he sat on the couch. He gave me his attention and I knew now was the time. My heart was beating as rapidly as it ever had. "Colton, my dad has decided we're going to move back to New York. We're going to put the house up for sale in a few days." I wasn't done, but I waited to see how he'd respond. The fact that he was staring blankly at me scared me more than anything. He had to have some kind of reaction. His eyes moved to the floor. "Colton," I coaxed. "I know you're upset, maybe even angry. Don't be afraid to let me know about it." When he looked up, I could see tears in his eyes. "You're just going to leave me?" It hurt to hear him say that, and it hurt worse to know how much I'd wounded him. "It's not like that Colton. I'm sorry it has to be this way. You know I don't want to leave you." He returned his eyes to the floor. "You know that, right?" He nodded between sniffles but didn't respond. "I told my dad how hard it would be to part with you. He understands, but he also wants to get out of here." Again I waited for his response. I got up and joined him on the couch. "The best thing you can do right now is tell me how you feel." This time he met my eyes. The tears were still there. "You won't be able to visit your mom's grave though." The comment stunned me. But it was the kid he was. Concerned not just for himself, but for me. "She was born here. My dad thought we'd feel better if we moved here, but it's depressing us. He told me a few weeks ago he planned to move. I didn't have the heart to tell you." "But what will I do when you're not here?" I smiled grimly. "Do what I do. Think of the memories when it gets painful." He stood up. "Where are you going?" "Home," he said trying to keep himself from being overcome with tears. I knew I wasn't too far away from that myself. "Do you want us to be apart even before I move?" I asked him. He looked at me. "I just want to be alone for a little while." I couldn't argue with that. I knew the feeling. He started to walk out. "Colton?" He turned to face me once again. "Can you at least give me a hug to let me know we're still friends?" I asked with a smile. He came back over to where I was sitting and embraced me. I remembered the feel of him forever. Until I moved, we were together even more than usual. Now that he's no longer around me, all I have are the memories of the few months we spent together. I can still see his face and hear his voice, the same way I can with my mom. I still remember the many nights we slept so close to each other on a bed. I don't allow myself to feel too sorry about the past anymore. Colton taught me otherwise. But sometimes I still sit and think about him. All the things he said come back to me. Brian? I just wanted to tell you that I love you. Mentally, I told him I loved him too and hoped that somehow he could hear me, even if we were hundreds of miles apart now. In my mind we were still together, laughing, swimming, talking. Spending every day together. Sharing everything with each other. I smiled and pictured him diving into the pool. I wanted to tell him to keep diving. I wanted to tell him to keep his eyes bright. And I wanted to tell him to treasure the time when he was that young. Everyone should. Epilogue Colton's voice momentarily stunned me. It had been a while. A long while. Recovering, I decided to go with the casual greeting. "Hey. It's Brian. You doing okay?" I could sense his excitement before he even responded. He struggled to keep his voice steady. "You remembered," he said with the same enthusiasm he had when I last saw him. I laughed. "Like I'd forget your birthday. Feel any different being nine?" His giggle gave me more pleasure than it ever had before. "Not really. But you know what?" "What?" I asked, just as thrilled as he was at our contact. "It feels different with you not around. How come you waited so long to call? You told me you'd call as soon as you got settled." "I figured I'd be mysterious, and surprise you on your birthday. You didn't start thinking I wasn't going to call, did you?" I grinned as I said that. He laughed again. "I knew you'd call. I just didn't know when." I decided to let him know something that would make him even happier. "Well, Colton, I have a confession to make. I mailed your birthday present only yesterday, so it will be a few days late. Think you'll survive in the meantime?" The shrill tone in which he replied with let me know I'd succeeded in pleasing him. He was so glad to hear the news he shouted it out to his mom. "Tell your mom I said hi for me," I said as an afterthought. He gave her the message instantly. "She says hi back, and that she's glad you called," he relayed to me, much to my amusement, considering I could hear her perfectly clearly as she said it. He giggled in the way only he could. "Is there a chance you'll give me a hint about what the present is?" "No. No chance at all. This is one time I'm not giving in to you." He didn't protest further, surprising me. I couldn't help but express it. "What, are you too old to whine now?" I said teasingly. He paused and then answered seriously. "I decided I'd let you win for once." Then he laughed and added, "And I still whine plenty. Just ask my mom." As I laughed, I realized what an incredible sense of humor he had. He was going to be very popular when he got older. I couldn't refrain from thinking he'd be popular not only for his sense of humor, but for his angelic look. Well, that was putting it mildly. He was the cutest boy I'd ever seen. "So are you doing okay?" I asked, being serious. There was a few seconds hesitation. I guessed he was considering how he felt. "Well, I like school. Third grade is a lot better than second grade." Before I could express my happiness for him, he continued. "But I still miss having you around. The guy that moved into your house doesn't seem very friendly, and he doesn't have any kids." He paused a bit more and whispered into the receiver, "I think my mom likes him. She met him once and introduced me to him." I smiled, but there was a bit of sadness in it. "That doesn't necessarily mean anything." I sighed. "I miss you too, Colton. But these things happen. We have to make the best out of it. Understand?" "I guess so." He sounded almost pitiful when he said that, and it hurt to hear it. "Do you think we'll ever see each other again?" There was hope in his voice. Who was I to crush his hope? There might be a time when we did indeed reunite. "I hope so. Don't let go of that thought. Okay?" He assured me he wouldn't, and I decided to pour my heart out to him. "You made my life so much better, Colton. I'd hate to live with the thought that I hurt you. You're a very special person. I want to be there for you more than anything, but it doesn't pay to live with regret. You taught me that. Instead, I'm thankful that I was lucky enough to have you in my life, even if it was for just a short period of time." I wasn't sure, but it sounded like what I'd said had again touched Colton deeply. It took him a few seconds before he said anything. "You won't forget me, will you?" "Never. I promise I'll always remember you. But don't forget what I said. Keep the hope alive that we'll be together again. If we were having this conversation six months ago, I'd say we'll never see each other again, that life treats people that way. But if life was all bad, I never would have met you in the first place. Who's to say we won't meet again?" "I'll keep hoping for it. And I'll never forget you either." His mom told him something in the background. "My mom says I have to get ready for bed." He again lowered his voice to a whisper so she wouldn't hear him. "She's even tougher than you are on making me go to bed on time." I laughed, remembering the first night he'd stayed over. So much had happened that night, and it began with my insistence that he go to sleep. "Well, you know better than to argue with your mom." "Will you call me again?" he asked with a hint of concern in his voice. "In time. I won't disappear completely. For now, let's just call it a temporary goodbye." "Bye Brian. I'll keep on hoping for us to meet again." "You do that. I'll do the same." I hung up the phone and sat still for a few moments. The true reason I hadn't called him right away was because I was afraid it would hurt too much to hear his voice. I was hit with that feeling and struggled to keep the tears from coming. Telling each other 'I love you' wasn't necessary. We'd both said it before, and now we both knew it without speaking it. When I decided I was going to let loose the stream of tears that were wanting to come out, my dad entered the room. "I don't mean to sound like an eavesdropper, but I heard the end of your conversation. I'm proud of what you said. It was very mature and positive." He shook his head. "An eight year old brought this change in you?" The tears were visible, and my dad saw them, but knew why they were there and didn't bring it up. I was glad. Somehow I managed a smile. "No. A nine year old." Slowe00@go.com