Date: Fri Oct 26, 2012
From: Cody <codyboarder@hotmail.com>
Chapter 18
Part 1
Out of the Frying Pan & into the Fire and/or How to save our Bacon?
Twinergy and the Boys of Clear Lake (18.1) by Cody S.
Disclaimer: This story involves homosexual acts between two or more under-age boys. If this offends you, or is illegal for you to view, or you are too young to read it, leave now and do not return. This story is entirely fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead, or to actual events is entirely coincidental.
Copyright is to me, and this story may not be reproduced anywhere without my prior permission.
Chapter 18 Pt. 1
I grabbed a wool blanket at the foot of the bed and started to pull it up over his legs. I had just pulled it up past his waist when he began to stir and awoke in a panic with a look of fear on his face, as he gasped in a deep breath of air. It was kinda dark and he was just coming to and couldn't see. He also wasn't aware of his surroundings or where he was at. I could see him looking around in the near dark at the room trying to put the pieces together and figure out the mystery of just where it was he was at. I was just about to say something to him when he sensed my presence and cried out in a terrified voice, “Who's that? Who's in here, where am I?” As I could hear the fear in his voice.
My vision was fine as I was acclimated to the dark room, so I took his hand in mine and whispered, “It's me Tanner. You're ok, just breath and stay calm.”
Tanner: “Is, is that yo, you Nika?”
I leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Yah, it's me buddy. Your ok. We just laid you down in here to let you get some rest is all.
Tanner: “Where? Where are we?”
Nika: “We're in one of the guestrooms at Garrett's Ranch.”
Tanner: “How long have we been here, and where is everyone? And how did I get up here?”
Nika: “Garrett carried you up here, you fell asleep in the truck. And we've only been here for maybe an hour or less. Everyone's gathering in the living room to go with Buck out to the barn and do some chores. Oh, and Jace is gonna jerk-off one of the cows.”
Tanner: “What?”
Nika: “Never mind, it was just a Jace and the twins thing that you missed. Are you alright in here?”
Tanner: “No, I'm freezing Nika. And I'm really tired.”
I pulled on Tanners hand pulling him up from the bed and said, “Common Barbie, let's get you up and into some warm dry cloths.”
He simply replied “ok,” as he stood up, shivering. I reached into his backpack and pulled out a pair of white sweatpants and a red sweatshirt of one of our favorite college teams. I also flipped on a little lamp above the dresser that didn't put off much more light than a nightlight.
As I came back to him he had his arms crossed, with his hands on his cold arms, still sporting goosebumps. I sat on the bed and turned him to face me as I untied his board shorts and lowered them down below his waist, as gravity dropped them the rest of the way to his ankles. The shivering was no act as I looked at his midsection and he was as shriveled as I've ever seen anyone. It looked like it belonged on a five year old, with just a dozen or so little crooked, silky blonde hairs jetting out in every direction. And an empty little wrinkled sack, as you could tell the residents fled the basement and hiked upstairs till things heated up a little bit.
I unfolded the sweatpants and grabbed hold of one of his fuzzy lower legs, still all goose-bumped up, and lifted it and lowered it into the sweats. I did the same thing with the other, but not before running both my hands up and down both of his legs with my hands real fast, creating some friction to warm him up just a bit.
After I had his sweats on, I grabbed his tank-top by the base, and told him to raise his arms up, as I lifted his shirt up over his head and off him, before tossing it on the floor.
Then I pulled the sweatshirt down over his arms and head, and pulled him down to sit on the bed next to me. He said, “All done Nika?”
I replied, “Not quite, as I grabbed a pair of fluffy white gem socks and knelt down in front of him, and put one on each of his feet. I looked up to his face while I was doing this, and into his eye's. And what I saw was both beautiful and tragic all at the same time. The look he gave me wasn't one of gratitude or appreciation. It wasn't one of expectation or acceptance either. Instead, it was one of confusion and wonder? It was a look of surprise and awe. It was a look that told me everything I would ever need to know about this beautiful, misunderstood child. It was a look of not knowing what to expect or what to do. Totally at a loss as what to expect, what to do, or how to respond.
It hit me then, as I realized how we all take what we have sometimes for granted. How me and Sasha take for granted what we have within each other. And how the things that are given to us, and the things that we give to each other are just a given, and that maybe they're no longer special to us anymore.
They're just the norm, and we go about our business on a daily basis trivializing them. Here, I went about doing for Tanner just now what needed to be done. As Sasha, Tash, and I do on a daily bases for one another, and have been doing so for years. And we pass it off as just “what is” and don't see it as anything more than that. But here, now, looking into Tanner's eye's, I saw that face of happiness, and the face of loneliness and fear all at the same time. Locked in desperate struggle as to which one has superiority over his heart and soul.
You see, what I saw as I knelt there, as Tanner and I were locked in a gaze, both hypnotized and unable to move. Was that whereas dressing and caring for him may have been a simple act of kindness and love that Sash and I engage in on a daily basis, and maybe nothing more. But to Tanner, it was as if he was King for a day. And I realized that he was, or is. I mean every time one of us doe's something for him, trivial or not, we take for granted that it isn't trivial to him at all. We don't take into account, or consideration that this is new ground, new territory for him.
As I looked into his eye's, I could see the joy and love that he felt by me doing something for him. Something that no one else has ever had the love and kindness to do before for this wonderful kid. That no one has ever taken the time before to see if he was cold, or sick, or depressed. But instead, just overlooked him as being insignificant.
And I wondered again how people can be so cruel. And as much as I saw the happiness and joy in his watering eye's, something scarred me. Because when I looked a bit deeper, what I saw was most disturbing. I again, saw the fight taking place within his soul. I saw the happiness and joy, in a death-match with the loneliness and anger, and my heart bleed for him.
I mean, as I began to tear up myself, and tried to break our gaze, I had a mix of emotions, and felt paralyzed as to what I should do next. I completely understood down deep, on a different level as to what was going on inside him. And there again, it was tragic, because it wasn't his fault. Here again, he was paying the price for what others had done to him. Or maybe hadn't done for him. A simple act of love and caring on my part, completely short-circuited his mindset. I could see the confusion on his part as I finished dressing him. I could see the happiness, joy, and acceptance in his face and eye's, as I took the time to warm him up and dress him.
To outright care for him because I love him. And at the same time, it's like feeding a starving person. You have to be careful how much you give them, so as it doesn't make them sick. That is what we are all dealing with in regards to Tanner. The boy has never been shown any kindness or patience, interest, or love. And when I did a simple gesture of rubbing my hands on his legs to warm him, and dress him so as he was safe and warm, to him it's as if he did something special to deserve it. Yet truth be told, it's just because he's a cold boy, and my friend. And I love him, as do we all. He failed to make the connection, because he doesn't realize or understand that is normal behavior for people who love and care for one another. Hell, it's normal behavior even for people you don't care about or like....or at least it should be.
The happiness and joy on his face was obvious. But what lay underneath when you looked closer was something altogether. First there was confusion and guilt on his part. Confusion as to why would anyone care enough about him, to do what I did. And the guilt, as if he where asking, or no, telling himself that he isn't worthy. And if he was, then why wouldn't someone have already done that by now. If these happy moments were normal actions, that all boys should share in, and be treated that way, then why did he have to wait almost twelve years for someone to care for him? Or do something like that for him, on his behalf?
And lastly, and the most scary of all was the anger and fear. Anger that it's only just happening now, and that maybe it should have been a way of life for him all along, and maybe somehow he was cheated. And fear, fear that maybe earlier, at the beach and the Sheriff's Station, that he fucked something up that was too good to be true. And he now the fear is setting in that he may have ruined it, and that it's going to be taken away from him.
In any case, I saw through his eyes and what was behind them, and what he was thinking. And it wasn't that much to do with twinergy. This was more natural, as me being the child of conscience that I am. And being a big brother to Sasha, a best friend and boyfriend to Cody, a blood brother to Sequoia, and best friends to the Posse. It was all those things that I am, and all those things that I do for them almost every day. And they do for me on a daily basis as well, that allowed me to recognize the story behind Tanners eye's, and that he is entirely different from any of the rest of us boys.
But, sensing an awkward moment, I began to stand as I broke the stare, not wanting Tanner to feel too embarrassed and to realize I saw clear through him. After all, the worst thing after being made to feel that way. After the humility of knowing that someone see's what you think of yourself, is when they try to console you. The feeling of being pitied is just adding insult to injury. And I didn't wanna cross that line with Tanner. As it was, I was already playing it very close to the vest in regards to his emotions and psyche. And I felt like a snail slithering on the edge of a razor blade.
So as I stood, I did my best to smile, and said, “So how ya feel now champ?”
He failed to respond. So I looked down and said, “Tanner, you ok?” He just stared at his feet and nodded his head, yes. So I gathered up his shorts and tank-top, folded them, and laid them on the dresser. Then I walked back over to him, having given us both a minute to clear our heads, and get the look in his eye's out of my thoughts. I put my hand on his shoulder upon approaching him, and said, “Common Tanner, what do you feel like doing? Wanna go out to the barn with the rest of us?”
Tanner: “Nah, you go ahead Nika.”
Nika: “Are you sure?
Tanner: “Hell yah I'm sure. I don't wanna be anywhere near Blake and cows at the same time for quite a while!”
I heard the rest of the Posse pass by Tanner's door a few minutes earlier on their way downstairs, and now I heard them calling my name from downstairs. So I asked again, “You sure you don't wanna come along and hang out. You know, as Buck would say, “get right back in the saddle?”
Tanner: “I'm sorry Nika. I don't think I can. I mean I'm not ready to face any of them yet.”
I knew exactly what he was talking about, and that it wasn't just about an error in judgment he made. But philosophically it was on a much, much, deeper level than that. It was a revelation about who he is, how people see him, how he see's himself, and just what his place is in this world. For all intents and purposes it was quite frightening. To put it in simple terms, the belligerent, obnoxious, phoney that terrorized everyone with his arsenal of a mouth, was now a scarred, frightened child.
So in other words, he was now at a starting place where he could begin to love, learn, and fit into the world as if he had been given a new chance at life. The board had been wiped clean. But the trick now, was to get him back to the starting line, so as he doesn't “wallow” too long, and go into a state of depression. But I understood at the same time, with what he's going through today, he needed a little time.
So I planned on talking to everyone tonight or tomorrow, with Tasha and Garrett, and explain that it's hands-off as far as Tanner goes. And that talk we were going to have with him is going to be indefinitely put on hold, if not outright canceled. And what's more, the rest of us are to treat him with kid gloves until he get's a spark back, and is comfortable enough to join us as an equal. So I said, “Tanner, you made a mistake, nothing more. Please don't turn it into a monster and make it something bigger than what it is. Please don't make it something capable of defeating you.”
Tanner: “Thanks Nika. But I'm still tired. And I'd feel a lot better at facing everyone in the morning.”
Nika: “Then would you mind if I stayed here with you while everyone goes out on the grounds. You're under a lot of pressure Tanner, would that be ok with you?”
Tanner: “I know I am Nika, I can feel it. It's like I've been so full of anger, and the real me is trapped inside myself, just wanting to get out. Please, would you mind staying? Could we just take a nap, or lay and talk like we did before?”
Nika: “Yah, that's fine. I assume you have some things to discuss?”
Tanner: “Not really. Nothing in general anyway. Maybe just typical guy stuff.”
Nika: “Nothing more than that?”
Tanner: “ I just feel like I really fucked-up Nika! Are you gonna stay, or what?”
I said, “Yah, and you need to give yourself another chance Tanner. Let me tell the others and I'll be back in a few minutes,” as I lifted his legs, and tucked them under the covers on the bed, before pulling it up over his waist, protecting him from the gently breeze wafting in from the balcony door.
I kissed him gently on the forehead, and started down the stairs as Cody and Sasha just rounded the corner coming up the hall. Sasha said, “What the fuck are you doin Nika, bathing him? We're ready to go.”
I replied, “Why don't you guys go on ahead. Do you mind if I stay behind Cody?”
Cody: “You don't havta ask Nika, you do whatever needs to be done.”
Sasha: “Tanner ok?”
Nika: “No, but he's getting there.”
Sasha: “He doesn't wanna be left alone, or you don't wanna leave him alone?”
Nika: “Exactly Sash.”
Sasha: “Well, which is it?”
Cody: “It's both.”
Sasha: “Is he that down you guys?”
Nika: “Yah, I think he's devastated and afraid were gonna ditch him. He really doesn't think too much of himself right now.”
Sasha: “But that's not the case. We all know we're gonna give him another chance. And another, and another after that if need be.”
Nika: “But he needs to understand that too Sash. And more important, he needs to give himself another chance. And he needs to realize that we all love him and care about him, and learn to care for and love himself again.”
Sasha: “I'm not sure he ever has big brother. Loved or cared about himself I mean.”
Nika: “Then all the more important, he needs to.”
Cody: “That's the danger of mistreating a child, or outright rejecting him and ignoring him. He begins to believe that he's not worth anything. And once that sets in, it's very hard to turn it around.”
Sasha: “Well count on me, I'm in for the long haul. I'll build him up as much as I can, and be there for him.”
Nika: “I know you will Sasha, he can definitely count on you. Go ahead guys, we'll be ok.”
Cody, as he began to smile and laugh, “Just no more dry-humping Nika.”
Nika: “Cody, common,” as I looked down at Sasha.
Sasha, with a wicked smile, “Really Nika....when?”
Cody: “Opps, sorry Nika.”
Nika: “Nevermind Sash, we'll talk about it another time. But for now, brother-bond, our secret.....promise?”
Sasha: “Yah, here, pinky promise,” as Sasha extended his hand to me.
Nika: “Don't sweat it Cody, but be careful of what you say. He's feeling low enough right now without bringing any more heat like that down on him.”
I put it to Cody as “any more heat down on him” on purpose. I don't know how much Sasha knew now, with Cody's “dry-hump” comment, and I didn't wanna “out” Tanner to anyone. Even Sasha, especially right now. But I also knew, if Cody hadta fuck up and let something slip to someone, then I realized it couldn't have been to a better person than to Tanner's best friend, Sash. But for now, I assume Sasha is still in the dark, and the comment was inconsequential, as the words “Tanner and gay” were not spoken together by Cody or myself.
I turned to go back to the room, and Cody grabbed my shoulder. He gently turned me around, whispering in my ear, as to keep Sasha from overhearing the comment, “You know I was just kidding about the “dry-hump” comment don't you Nika? You can do anything you want. I trust your judgment, and I love you Nika. And what's more, I know you love me. I don't need twinergy to see and feel that.”
I replied, “Thanks Cody, and you're the love of my life as well. But nothing physical is gonna take place. He's a mess right now anyway, so I think he just wants someone to be with him and maybe to talk a little.”
Cody nodded and started to turn and walk away with Sasha when I said, “Cody?”
Cody: “Yah Nika,” as he walked back to me.
Nika: “I trust you as well. And you know if and when something like that ever doe's happen, I'd tell you. Don't you?”
Cody: “Of course I do, as I would you. We already talked about this. So go and look after our wounded orphan. We'll be back later tonight.
*** Please read “Twinergy and the boys of Clear Lake” Blog Site below:
http://twinergyandtheboysofclearlake.wordpress.com/
The story picks up there at Chapter 69!
That concludes this chapter of “Twinergy and the Boys of Clear Lake.” This is my first attempt at writing so any feedback, direction, or comments are appreciated. Please forward comments to the address below:
Cody: codyboarder@hotmail.com
***Hello to all who have followed this story from the beginning. I have decided that because of all the positive feedback, and at the urge of fellow authors, that I will be continuing this story on its own site http://twinergyandtheboysofclearlake.wordpress.com/ It has gained a life of it's own and needs pictures and information to go along with it. Feel free to e-mail me any questions, and visit the above site for further chapters. I will continue to post this on nifty, especially my short story series called, “Clear Lake Capers” and the first will be submitted soon. Thanks again for your encouragement and be well.
Stay tuned for:
Chapter 18
Part 2
Out of the Frying Pan & into the Fire and/or How to save our Bacon?